F O U N D E D IN 1949 NEWSPAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE UNION

If you require a flat for

next year, want someone to

share with, have places to

spare in your digs, or want

info on flats in general

contact the Flat share '76

scheme being run by I C U .

Forms are available from

I C U , the Residence office,

and the Haldane L i b . The

scheme runs throught the

summer.

NO. 425 F r i d a y 25 June 1976 F R E E !

Fromone

to another OVERSEAS

STUDENTS FEES

T H E J O I N T W O R K I N G P a r t y

of the C V C P and U G C has come

out f i rmly aga ins t fee

d i f f e ren t i a l s between home and

o v e r s e a s s tudents (OS) in i t s

f ina l report p u b l i s h e d th is

week. I ns tead , they c a l l for

a fee d i f fe ren t ia l between

fu l l - t ime pos tg radua tes and

undergraduates.

On the b a s i s of th i s

p r o p o s a l , t u i t i on fees for

fu l l - t ime un ive rs i t y s tudents

wou ld be l e v i e d at £250 for

undergraduates and £450 for

pos tgraduates in 1 9 7 7 / 7 8 .

T h e reports a l s o c a l l s on

u n i v e r s i t i e s to c o n t a i n , by

vo lun ta ry agreement , the

present open-ended commitment

on O S . T h e l im i t a t i on o f OS

wou ld be made between a

un i ve rs i t y and the U G C

accord ing to the u n i v e r s i t y ' s

need .

T h i s wou ld in e f fec t s top

u n i v e r s i t i e s from making up

their numbers w i th O S . C o l l e g e s

such as I C w h i c h had large

numbers of O S would keep to

thei r present l e v e l s of OS

intake and wou ld therefore

not suffer under th i s p r o p o s a l .

The c h o i c e of d i s c r i m i n a t i o n i s d e s c r i b e d by S i r B r i a n F l o w e r s as " r e a s o n a b l e and ce r ta i n l y u n d e n i a b l e " .

S i r B r i a n went to comment: " O v e r s e a s s tudents are a s t ra in on the taxpayers and a heavy one at the moment. G i v e n the present c i r c u m ­s t a n c e s , we ought to accept vo luntary rest ra in t and run the r i s k of d i s c r i m i n a t i o n between undergraduates and pos t ­g r a d u a t e s " .

" I f one comp la ins too much then the c h o i c e i s between h igher f ees for pos tgraduates and someth ing much w o r s e " , he added.

F o r those P G s who are a l s o ove rseas s tudents the Working P a r t y ' s fees p roposa l means that a l though they w i l l not be much bet ter off , they ce r ta in l y w i l l not be -much worse off.

R a i s e your h a t s , b l o w yo ur t r u m p e t s , ' c a u s e E n t s

l o s t £ 7 0 0 o n l a s t S a t u r d a y ' s G - B a n d c o n c e r t . '

J u d g i n g from the e x p r e s s i o n s of t h e s e two p e o p l e

(above) at the c o n c e r t , t h e y c o u l d n ' t g i v e a d amn . '

College tuition fees F O L L O W I N G the 30% inc rease

i n tu i t i on f ees for c o l l e g e s in

h igher and further educa t i on

announced by the Secre tary

of State for E d u c a t i o n l as t

December , the C o l l e g e i s to

impose s e s s i o n a l fees of

£ 2 1 1 , £426 for home and

ove rseas under graduates

r es pec t i v e l y and £ 2 0 1 , £416

for home and ove rseas pos t ­

g radua tes .

T h e Hardsh ip F u n d set up

by the U n i v e r s i t y Gran ts

Commi t tee ( U G C ) w i l l operate

for the s e s s i o n 1976 /77 .

In a d d i t i o n , the U G C has

w idened the a p p l i c a t i o n of the

fund to cove r a l l s tudents who

were in a t tendance in 1975 /76

and not on ly those who were

he lped from the 1975/76

fund.

T h e a v a i l a b l e funds w i l l

a l s o be used to a l l e v i a t e

next s e s s i o n s 30% i n c r e a s e as

w e l l a s t h i s s e s s i o n ' s £70

i n c r e a s e .

He lp w i th the h igher l e v e l

o f f e e s w i l l be res t r i c ted to

s tudents who pay thei r own

fees and had a l ready begun

the i r s tud ies at I C i n 1975 /76

or who had made the d e c i s i o n

to enter the I C before March

1975. C l a i m s by I C students

for r e m i s s i o n in 1976/77 w i l l

be cons ide red by a s p e c i a l

pane l of academic staf f set up

by the Boa rd of S t u d i e s .

A p p l i c a t i o n forms are

ob ta inab le from Mr J B e v a n ,

R o o m 344 Sher f i e ld B u i l d i n g .

Flowers on power

IN A MAJOR speech, at

Tuesday's National Energy

Conference in London, the

Rector, Sir Brian Flowers,

expressed considerable anxiety

about proposals to develop a

fast breeder reactor system

as the basis for Britain's

nuclear power stations.

Si r B r i a n , who i s C h a i r m a n

of the R o y a l C o m m i s s i o n on

Env i ronmen ta l P r o t e c t i o n , w a s

speak ing pr ior to the p u b l i c a t i o n

of the C o m m i s s i o n ' s report on

the env i ronmenta l haza rds o f

the nuc lea r power indus t ry .

In h i s opening remarks the

Rec to r s a i d that the C o m m i s s i o n

accep ted that nuc lear power

of fered the p o s s i b i l i t y of much

l e s s po l l u t i on than conven t i ona l

power s t a t i o n s . However they

feH'that nobody should rely for

something as basic as energy

on a process that produces in

quantity a by-product as

dangerous as plutonium unless

he is absolutely convinced

that there is no reasonable

alternative course of action.

I am bound to say that we have

not been wholly convinced that

this is the case by the

evidence sumbitted to us'

T h e R e c t o r then ou t l i ned the

awkward d i s p o s a l p rob lems o f

P l u t o n i u m a r i s i n g because of

i t s l ong rad io -ac t i ve l i f e .

17% for PGs A V E R A G E I N C R E A S E S of 17% in the postgraduate grants for the next s e s s i o n were announced by Secretary of State for E d u c a t i o n , Mr M u l l e y , on Monday i n the H o u s e of Commons . T h e new grant l e v e l s (wi th l a s t y e a r ' s i n b racke ts ) are £1,380 (£1,180) for those ou ts ide London and £925 (£790) for s tudents l i v i n g at home.

t mm.

Extremist thoughts on Union Management I N C L U D E D B E L O W are a c o l l e c t i o n

of v i e w s , and q u e s t i o n s , w h i c h cou ld make people th ink what they want from thei r U n i o n . Chang ing the current Un ion P o l i c y cou ld lead to a better d e m o c r a c y .

T h e Student Union

No matter how e f fec t i ve the P res iden t of a U n i o n , i s , it Is a lmos t Inev i tab le that there w i l l often on ly be a s m a l l number of s tudents in terested in In te rna l / ex terna l p o l i t i c s . A t Imperial C o l l e g e , w i th about 40% post -graduates and about 40% Overseas s tuden t s , the re l evance of the Un ion unfor tunately tends to be even less than at other U n i v e r s i t i e s . Un ion meet ings appear to draw a regu lar , s m a l l percentage of p o l i t i c a l l y mot ivated members . F o r many more s tuden ts , the Un ion only he lps fund the i r a c t i v i t i e s . Perhaps the major i ty make l i t t l e use of the f a c i l i t i e s , and s o prov ide a large pool of resources for the in terested few.

One Interest ing phenomenon in th is ins t i tu t ion is that i ts members are conse rva t i ve (smal l ' c ' ) . T h u s , when an 'ex t rem is t ' motion Is put to a Un ion Meet ing it is l i ke l y to be h e a v i l y d e f e a t e d .

Union Meetings

Bear ing in mind the comments in the f i rs t s e c t i o n , it is very d i f f i c u l t to see how the U n i o n ' s a c t i v i t i e s c a n be open ly shown to a f fec t the qua l i t y of l i fe! on c a m p u s . If the matters d i c u s s e d cou ld be

T h e impef ta! C o l l e g e Or ien tee r ing

C l u b has on ly been i n e x i s t e n c e s i n c e

las t Oc tober , and i t was o f f i c i a l l y

r ecogn i zed by the A t h l e t i c s C l u b

Commit tee in January of th is year .

S ince i t s i n c e p t i o n , c l u b members have

been compet ing i n Or ien tee r i ng ' E v e n t s '

on most S u n d a y s , i n fo res ts a l l over

South of E n g l a n d . In t o t a l , members

have competed in ove r 20 di f ferent

even ts and T O C ' i s now a w e l l know

name in o r ien te r r ing c i r c l e s .

The c l u b has a l s o o rgan i sed i t s

own even ts on Wednesday af ternoons

for members of I C and other L o n d o n

C o l l e g e s . T h e s e have been he ld on

Hampstead H e a t h , R i c h m o n d P a r k and

Wimbledon Common. The c l u b owns 10

wh is t lds7

* w h i c h are u s e d for in t roduc ing

newcomers to the spor t . It is a group

member of the B r i t i s h Or ien teer ing

F e d e r a t i o n , and four of the c l u b are

i n d i v i d u a l members o f B O F .

O n l y two members o f the c l u b , A l a n

L e a k e y and D a v i d R o s e n , ' h a d had any

s ign i f i can t o r ien teer ing exper ience

before the c l u b w a s formed. However ,

many of the newcomers are a l ready

p roduc ing good resu l t s and R o b A l l i n s o n

i s w e l l on the way to a c h i e v i n g a

go ld s tandard . A l a n L e a k e y has been

running very c o n s i s t e n t l y , rare ly

m i s s i n g a ' g o l d ' t ime. D a v i d R o s e n has

been hav ing h i s most s u c c e s s f u l

s e a s o n , and i s cur ren t ly c l e a r leader

of the South E a s t ' G a l l o p p e n ' , hav ing

won three of the four e v e n t s .

Members have a l s o competed for the

U n i v e r s i t y o f L o n d o n Or ien tee r ing C l u b

i n seve ra l major c h a m p i o n s h i p s i nc l ud i n g

the. M i d l a n d , Southern and S c o t t i s h .

F o u r from I C were at the J a n K j e l l s t r o i m

In ternat ional Or ien tee r ing weekend in

s e e n to be Immediately re levan t , the at tendance f igures might d rama t i ca l l y change .

Union C o u n c i l

The 'management ' of Imperial C o l l e g e Un ion Is ves ted in a commit tee of about 40 s tudents ( ICU C o u n c i l ) . T h i s may appear to be . d e m o c r a t i c , but C o u n c i l cannot c l a i m to be representa t i ve of Un ion Members (Members represent the bodies who e l e c t them). In many i ns t anc e s C o u n c i l erupts into e x p l o s i o n s of f l ippancy , w h i c h are unbecoming to the management commi t tee .

D e c i s i o n s made by a large group of people (who have not a l w a y s cons ide red the fu l l Impl icat ion of the i r vot ing) may s u p e r f i c i a l l y be democra t i c , but may not be in the best in terests of the U n i o n .

It is d l f fucu l t for people to hold their concent ra t ion for longer than 2 hours , and c a n resul t in incorrect d e c i s i o n s be ing made, w h i c h wou ld put C o u n c i l into d i s r e p u t e . Y e t , meet ings las t about 5 hours , and have occured roughly every 3, weeks dur ing th is s e s s i o n . In a d d i t i o n , the large t ime committment to a t tend ing the meet ing may unfor tunate ly d i scou rage some s tudents from he lp ing the U n i o n , and may a l s o not a l l ow C o u n c i l Members to adequate ly read d i s c u s s i o n papers re levant to i s s u e s be ing cons ide red at the M e e t i n g .

the L a k e d i s t r i c t at E a s t e r , and a week

la te r , f i ve from the C o l l e g e took part

in the B U S F Champ ions h ip s at S t i r l i ng .

Here , D a v i d R o s e n won the Ind iv idua l

r ace , and the next day was a member

of the w inn ing U n i v e r s i t y of L o n d o n

Team in the r e l a y .

F o r the next yea r , the c l u b hopes to

cont inue to grow and there i s

a l ready news of a keen or ien teer coming

to the C o l l e g e next term. L a s t term, we

were fortunate to be able to use the

A C C min ibus on three o c c a s i o n s and

there w a s a no t i ceab le improvement i n

c l u b sp i r i t when we were a l l ab le to

t rave l together. It i s hoped that we w i l l

be ab le to u s e the min ibus e v e n more

regu lar ly in future. We have been

fortunate in ga in ing a lot o f support

from members o f the c ross -coun t ry

c l u b and P e t e Johnson i s a member of

both commi t tees . Nex t year we w i l l

a l s o try to encourage regular p a r t i c i ­

pa t ion by peop le who are l e s s a t h l e t i c a l l y

minded but who jus t en joy a s t ro l l i n

the count ry . We have had very l i t t l e

response from the women at C o l l e g e

and th is i s another group that we w i l l

be v igo rous ly encou rag ing .

Colours for 1975— 76 were awarded to:-

Full: Alan Leakey

Half: Rob Allinson

John G ibbins

Pete Johnson

Steve Webb

Mike Welford

The Committee for 1975— 76 was

Captain : David Rosen

Secretary : Alan Leakey

Treasurer : John Gibbins

Transport Officer: Mike Welford

D a v i d R o s e n

S l i gh t mis-management of a Un ion may be cons ide red democra t i c , but the rea l danger Is that the resu l t can be that the who le Un ion management is ignored by the par t ies wh i ch it s e e k s to he lp and that is not democracy . Reduc t i on of the s i z e of C o u n c i l a n d / o r an even s t r i c te r cont ro l on reports to C o u n c i l (more Work ing P a r t i e s , w i th reports being taken as read) cou ld great ly improve a s i t ua t i on w h i c h has s e v e r a l t imes been c h a o t i c dur ing the last three y e a r s !

Committeee Management

I somet imes ponder on a q u e s t i o n : "Why do Intelligent people resort to the use of Standing Orders to conduct meetings?" Is th is rea l l y good democracy , when some members are d i s t rac ted through boredom?

Shou ld a cha i rman a l w a y s remain s i l e n t ? Is there supposed to be some element of d i s c r e t i o n s o that the bus iness can be e x p e d i t e d . Of c o u r s e , the Cha i rman runs the r i sk of be ing c h a l l e n g e d , provided that the Commi t tee is a l e r t , w h i c h it shou ld be !

E x e c u t i v e or sub-Commi t tee d e c i s i o n s shou ld be a c c e p t e d , not d i s c u s s e d a g a i n . Howeve r , the power to over-ru le a d e c i s i o n must a l w a y s be ves ted in the super io r body.

G o r d o n J a c k s o n

Parker's Piece

T H E N E W postgraduate grants for

1976/77 were announced to the Commons

by Mr M u l l e y , Secretary of State for

E d u c a t i o n , on Monday . T h e s e br ing the

va lue of a L o n d o n s tudentsh ip to £1,380

(p rev ious ly £1,180) . F o r s tudents ou ts ide

L o n d o n the new figure is £1,270 (£1,085)

and for t? bse l i v i n g at home £^25 (£790) .

In the light, of recent wage res t ra in ts

by the Government and the U n i o n s , a

r i se of 17% might, at f i rs t s ight seem

qu i te reasonab le . It is only when one

looks more deep ly into these f igures that

one r e a l i s e s how c r i m i n a l l y l ow they a r e .

L a s t month, new undergraduate ( U G )

f igures were announced w h i c h gave them

a grant for the next academic year of

£955 for L o n d o n , an 18% r i s e . T h i s i s

1% more than the percentage P G r i s e .

T h i s i s an insu l t in i t se l f , but even more

so when one c o n s i d e r s that the U G

grant is a l ready h igher than a P G grant

i n terms of " r e a l " week l y a l l o w a n c e .

Some reshuf f l i ng of U G a l l o w a n c e s has

been made so that it w i l l not be wor thwh i le

to c l a i m S o c i a l Secur i ty dur ing the

Chr i s tmas and E a s t e r v a c a t i o n s .

E v e n w i th th is taken into accoun t , the

real va l ue of an .UG grant for the 31

week statutory term time w i l l be £27.90

per week . A P G w i l l rece ive £26.53

over the who le year . When one adds to

this the a v a i l a b i l i t y of demonstrat ing

w h i c h i s r e s t r i c t e d , and the fact that

U G s have an opportuni ty to earn large

amounts dur ing the summer v a c a t i o n ,

the new f igu res appear even more absurd .

F o r L o n d o n s tudents there are ex t ra

d i f f i c u l t i e s as the vaSue o f the L o n d o n

we igh t ing in percen tage terms has

a c t y a l l y been reduced .

One can on ly conc lude from these

f igures that the Goverment puts l e s s

Continued on page 6

Well known after

only a year

X

De IF Only Collum ONCE AGIN, despite de end o' teim fateeg I'am reachin' fo' de crayon box an' gittin' de Big Boys book o' Adjectives f'om under de short table leg. Trouble wid dishin' out de amazin' prose an' politerkal comment (showin' great unnerstandin') each week is de studes commin' roun' de fron' door ev'ry Friday pm yellin' fo' de nex masterpiece. I not falliri' into de overproduction trap. If I can't manage to cobble together de 'maculate english fo' de Felics then de life aint worth .botherin' 'bout. De TP collum de only thin' wot am makin' de kew fo' de squash corts tollerable on de Friday mornin's. I noticin' aftah mah comments on de efforts bein' printed f'om de IF chicks dat de standard o' de aforesaid artikal risin' dramatically as de truth sinkin' in dwon in Cromwell Mews. De fear o' de great Pres commin' roun' t' sort dem out 'avin' mirakeruless effects on de outputs. Trouble am, not

I enouff emphersis bein' put on de correc' an' proper use o' english dese days. Po' a starters, even I noticin de mix up wid de odd english word croppin' up in de coloquial froggy. As fo' de 'Pee Ess' bit tacked on de end, I 'avin' to send it down de interperators to git de translation, only to find out it some comment 'bout me. Strikin' me it a bit. to much like de dreaded contempt. Time to git de Presidential Luger out o' de safe deposit box an' arrestin' de affendin' items wid de NUS thu gs. Any more o' dis an we goin' t' 'ave to re-instate de special tribunerals run by de reliable druncks font de Union Bar, issued wid de card sayin', 'Good mornin' miss, I see yo' am pleadin' guilty. De penalty am death, but seein' as yo' f'om de famous IF I willin' to here de excuses an' special circumstances roun' de back o' de Gym aftah de hearin'. Alterertaverly, we bustin' in on de amazin' Julia Ross while she soakin' in de sunken bath o' asses milk an' chuckin' de fan heater in an' turnin' de whole schmozzle into de giant size milk shake. I not normally in de habit o' reply in' to de critics on account o' de fac' dat it beneaf de diggernity o' us low creative talents to ascend to de high level o' de oppersition wot am racked wid de jealosy over de crappy artikals wot I gen'rally issue each week.

Not dat de IF got all de visual talent roun' de college RCS got de Chesty Morral wid de inderpendant fron' suspen­sion, Mines got de H Matress, an' de Guilds got de prize winnin' rag collecter wid de bum yo' can stand de tea cup on.

Back to business. I noticin' your Union thinkin' o' rebellin' an' pullin' outta de LSO, not dat it worry in' de Andrew Previn an' his banjo band, but some o' us needin' de cash, not f mention de prestigue o' controllin' de IC Union an' de ULU at de same time, also de numerous other colleges in de orchestrah. De P Teague am to tight wid de cash fo' de LSO suberscriptions, wot ensurin' a years free f'om lef wing subversion an' visitin' rugby teams puttin' de boot in. It called protection in de trade. Anyway, wot five hunered softees to a big rich union like yo's. On de other hand, by de time all de different committees discussed it, like de UFG, ICU UGM, de RCC, SCAB, ACC, SCC, CCU, AAC, UFO, an' such like I not Surprised yo' reluctant to give it to me. Judgin' by de amounts o' alcohol consumed at de all-night Counsel meetin's, it am

a wunder to me dat yo' can come to any descissions at all, even wid holdin' de vote in de khazi.

Thinkin' o' takin' de holiday to get away f'om all de tension but I y'am wunderin' 'bout de reliability o' de NUF Travel Service. I would feel happier if dey'd let me on de flight deck pussonly to check dat de navegater got de AA continental handbook open at de right page fo' sunny Barcerlona an' a newly magnitized nittin' needal in de compass. Also dat de pilot got de handbook open de right way up. Las' year I aimin' to Trinidad but endin' up in Prestwick aftah de good engin' packin' up on de NUS Charter Dakota. De Stewerdess stuff not much good either, we not gittin' de tastefull Martinis an' de prawn salads served at de beck an' call, all dey managin' is de pile o' ready wrapped sarnies tossed out o' de cardbord box. I dunno. Might be better stickin' to de Coconut Airways aftah all.

I hearin' nasty rumours bein' put roun' by people wid moufs wot am so big as to be hazerdous to de healf. Dey sayin' de revoltin' Rick Perker am churnin' out dese gramatical goodies, well, he can't sharpen his pencel widdout causin' multiple lasserations to de fingers, an as fo* suggestions dat de P Teague writin' it, I sayin' cobblers, he could n't even keep de Peters Patter collum goin' fo' more dan 2 weeks. De controversy am over. De mighty lips am sealed an' it likely dat dis am de lars' artikal wot I cobblin' together fo' de Felics. It never really 'predated. D E Pong an' D Susss guy always missin' out de vital lines an 'addin' de misprints an' such like. I thinkin' de proof readers

Trevor Phillips: ICU President 1974-7?

only bo ther in ' w i d de head l i n e s a n ' de

page numbers. I s i c k a n ' t i red o ' d i s h i n '

out de threats to improve de s tandard o '

v a r i - t y p i n ' . T h i s time it am fo ' r e a l . I

commin ' roun ' de F e l i c s o f f i c e s nex

T u e s d a y to do a few i r repa i rab le

ad justments to de of f set l i tho an '

t ie a few knots in de proof readers

f i nge rs .

We l l , I o f f fo ' de quiet game o ' darts

in de U n i o n B a r , den back on de 14

bus fo ' downtown H o l b o r n , now where

am de b lowp ipe?

T P

<7 F Only?. Alice through the E E C

. ONE DAY ALICE happened, just to be climbing up a steep, steep wooded mountainside. She took out her pocket television set and saw that Mr Wilson (ie Callaghan) was about to hold a referendum on the Eurovision Song Contest — could we bear the excrutiating pain of it each year anTi could Cliff Richard still go on representing us now that he is an OAP?

Alice realised this would have a direct bearing on the Marche Commun, in which, she felt, we must remain. However, she came across Le Tigre Presque Mort and was very concerned, seeing as she had campaigned vehemently to stop the IC1 from giving dogs cigarettes to smoke! She wept'buckets and tears and asked the Tigre why he was nearly dead. He managed to stutter a few words "The c . . c... Contest., .c... cruelty", of course Alice immediately linked this with the subject of the Referendum and rang up the RSPCA to enquire whether such singing could have such a drastic effect on animals. She used a trunk call, naturally, because she was in a forest — the line was engaged.

A few steps further on she began to hear music "How sweet", she thought, "A Christmas carol". But soon, soon the

dreadfu l truth f i l t e red through. It was the

German team f l e x i n g the i r v o c a l chords

for the con tes t w i t h 'O T a n n e n b a u m ' .

Horror upon horrors in true song con tes t

s t y l e each team had d e c i d e d to copy

each other, hence the F r e n c h v e r s i o n

'Mon B e a u S a p i n ' . The who le wood

resounded w i th the dreadfu l cacophony , so

A l i c e sang the ' R e d F l a g ' l i k e a good

S o c i a l i s t and a l s o because it happens to

be the same tune.

She then t r ied the st ra ight l i ne test

wh i ch i n d i c a t e s whether one has l os t

o n e ' s equ i l i b r i um due to horrendous

n o i s e s — she f a i l e d m i s e r a b l y . L e t there

be a moral there.

A s you have probably g u e s s e d , the

mountain w a s an E E C But te r mountain and

so it w i l l not surp r i se you that soon she

came upon an E E C Wine L a k e . What will

surpr ise you i s that there was a R e d

Indian s a i l i n g or c anoe in g on i t ! E x p l a n a ­

t ions wered needed . " B i g . c h i e f - j a m - b u t t y -

say-much-b i t te r - fo r -bu t t i s - in -european-

b u t t y - c i u b " ( E E C to i n t e l l e c t u a l s ) . E e k

by G u m ! e x c l a i m e d A l i c e , as she learnt

that everyone w a s now i n the E E C .

E x c e p t L e T i g r e P r e s q u e Mort , who had

jus t d e c i d e d to s top p l a y i n g s i l l y - b i l l i e s .

Continued on page 11

4 una

we daren't print

at the time :

About Mooney Food? Union officials S i r , - A s I left the Un ion

Lower Refec to ry last Thursday

(27th May, 3.35pm approx.)

w i t h , in one hand, my (late)

d inner , w h i c h I had just

purchased, to go into the

Lower Lounge where a f r iend

was wa i t ing for me, I no t i ced

a pool of water on the foyer

f loor. To my amazement I

found that I w a s s tand ing in

it, and it w a s growing larger

by the s e c o n d , being supp l i ed

by a f i re hose . The one end of

th is hose was connec ted to

the water s u p p l y ; at the other

was a member of the G u i l d s

Union( ! ) Na tu ra l l y , my food

became rather dampened by

th is not too p leasan t expe r ience ;

and I, not f ind ing the

re fec to ry ' s cu l i na ry s ta tus the

peak of a gourmet 's de l igh t

at the best of t imes , ce r ta in l y

was not go ing to eat i ts

produce after the whole

bloody p late had been

water logged.

I requested that the person

d i rec t l y r espons ib l e for the

aquat i c even ts buy me another

plate of sausage and c h i p s .

He re fused . I pointed out

that the o r i g i na l s were now a

good deal mois ter and about

60 degrees co lde r than

p r e v i o u s l y . H e s t i l l r e fused ,

but s a i d that, and I quote ,

" t h e y look a l r igh t to m e . "

H e then, a long w i th other

members of h i s company,

proceeded to eat some of the

c h i p s , and the s a u s a g e ,

ma in ta in ing that they were

" O . K . " .

Amongst h i s con federa tes

at the t ime were M e s s r s

A h l e r s , H o y l e , and D e a r i n g ,

to name the most r ecogn i sab le

ones , the three p res iden ts

(past , present , and future,

so to speak) of the i l l u s t r i ous

G u i l d s U n i o n , who a l l seemed

to v i e w the inc iden t as

be ing humourous. N o doubt I

too wou ld have found it

funny if I had been p i s s e d out

of my head .

I, however , was sober

and hungry and wet . And not

be ing in the leas t bit keen on

wet , c o l d refectory c h i p s ,

was merely p i s s e d off.

I remain, hungr i l y , you rs ,

I V O R P L A T O R - S O G G Y C H I P S

Re: FELIX DINNER

Dear Moron ,

I dont mind not get t ing a

compl imentary to your annual

abor t i on , but I do ob jec t to

being referred to a s " Y o u r

H e n c h m a n " e s p e c i a l l y as

it w a s on ly through me that

you got a b loody guest speaker

in the f i rs t b loody p l a c e . 1

hope you get an unexp loded

frankfurter in your bloody mea l .

And if you th ink for one moment

that th i s error can be a l l e v i a t e d

by your coming wh in ing to my

door c rav ing f o r g i v e n e s s ,

you ' ve got another th ing

c o m i n g .

I fart in your genera l

d i r e c t i o n .

Y o u r s ,

L U I G I .

Re: ICU Elections notice printea

on the front cover of FELIX No.

411 with the incorrect date as to

when nominations closed.

Dear P i n g - P o n g

Y O U IDIOT - Y O U M O R O N

- Y O U C R E T I N . Y O U H A V E

A B O U T A S M U C H I N T E L L ­

I G E N C E A S A S U P R I S E P E A !

A s your l i the supp le brain

w i l l have grasped by now you

rea l l y c o c k e d up the e l e c t i o n s

bit on the front page last

F r i d a y . I respec t fu l l y request ,

and if you don ' t comp ly , I

s h a l l remove some parts of

your anatomy, that you put

that right - IN L A R G E

L E T T E R S next F r i d a y .

Y o u rea l l y rocketed to new

he igh ts of mediocr i ty w i th

that A B O M I N A T I O N !

I hope you can read th is -

if you c a n ' t , I'll send over a

copy in b r a i l l e .

John (annoyed).

THANKS

C o l i n Gr imshaw of the A u d i o — V i s u a l A i d s sec t i on in E l e c Eng wou ld l i k e to convey h i s s incere thanks to IC U n i o n for award ing him Honorary L i f e Member­sh ip of the Un ion and s o c i a l c o l o u r s .

NOTICE

Pos tg radua tes p l e a s e note

that there w i l l be an i s s u e

of F E L I X pub l i shed on

F r i day Ju ly 16th. A l l

cont r ibu t ions for th is i s s u e

must reach the F E L I X o f f i ce

by 12 noon on F r i d a y 9th

J u l y .

F R E E

Desk — to whoever wants

it . R i n g 837 8375.

Clje Creeb I B e l i e v e in Schrodinger, the Physicist Almighty.

Equator of Eigenfunctions and waves,

And in his only equation incorporating Del squared P s i ,

Which was conceived in the bath, borne onto virgin paper,

Suffered under differential Calculus, was formulated, equated, and solved,

It failed under relativity; but on the third day it rose again,

And transcended Classical Mechanics,

And sitteth at the centre of Atomic Physics with solutions weighty.

From whence it will come to fox the quick and the slow.

I Believe in the Royal Society, the Royal College of Science, the commutation of observable.

The analyses of four vectors, the radiation of a Black Body and the functions everlasting

Amen

From the "Author" of ' T H E C R E E D ' Comes:

A silly Soliloquy of Shakespeare, for Tired and Torpid Followers of Physics.

Hamlet:

Div D or not Div D — that is the question;

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer

The reflections and translations of outrageous lattices,

Or to take ions against a cell of atoms,

And by transposing end them? to ionize, to excite —

No more; and by an excitation to say we add

The energies and the thousand thermal shocks

That matter is heir to. ' T i s a consummation

Devoutly to be wish'd. To Ionize, to excite;

To excite, perchance to plasma. Ay there's the rub;

For in that excitation of ions what plasmas may form,

When we have shuffled off this magnet's coi l , Gerald Taranto II

Must give us 'Gauss' . Soc Sec 'GAD Soc'.

It's A Caribbean

Connection

on Friday 2nd July

8.00pm till 2.00am

with

T H E C I M A R O N S , T H E

M E L T O N E S , C A R I B E S

L I M B O D U O . R A P H A E L

C H E R R I E C A f Y P S O B A N D .

DJ: S T E V E B A R N A R D , of

RadioLondon

Car i bbean food , late bars

and d i s c o .

T i c k e t s : £1 from Student

U n i o n O f f i c e , R C A .

X 5

Quotes of

the Year

/����� �� ����

P h i l Dean ( F E L I X �� � ���� ��� ���� ��� ����� � � ���� ����� � — Two

C h r i s Morre l l

R e : Genera l ������� ! "�� � #$ ������� %& �� �"'� ()*+,-. ���� ��"��� /0 1 - P a u l Ekpenyong

R e : R C S F l e c t i o n s 12 �� � ��/� ������ 3$4 ( ����� �������� 1 - f l i n s Morre l l

( R C S P r e s i d e n t - e l e c t )

R e : N U S Con fe rence �5�������"�6 ! �� �4& (�# "����"� �/�� � �� ( ���� ������7899:;< - A l i s t a i r Stewart (Deputy P r e s i d e n t N U S )

R e : Photography �=�� ������ A���' 3$4 %& �������� ���� ���� > ! ��'��?@AB ( ����'�� 5������ ����� � - a we l l - known co l l ege admin is t ra tor

R e : Typography (of cou rse ! ) �C�� "�� �� D �����/ ��/����� ����� E� ��"��� � > G i l l McConway

( F e l i x staf f )

R e : Danci ng C lub

"/ ����� %� F���� GH��"� �� I ���� J ���� ���� (� �K ��������/��� �$ ���� LM NOPPOQ R — A n o n .

R e : Na t iona l Abor t i on C a m p a i g n Con fe rence �C�� ���� � S %& ����"� T �� US ( ���� $3 ����� "��� ���VWW X YZ[ \]^ _`aabc d P a u l E k p e n y o u g

R e : F E L I X �=��� ��������� �S S$ ������ $3 ����Sub-Ed i to r )

R e : R C S Elections A: e$M fghij k l���/ �� �������� � �"����� �11 m ��� �� �� ���� ������ nopnq ��wel l -known R C S p e r s o n a l i t i e s

R e : (dubious) �2 �� �$� ������ �� ���/ ��/����r �R e : C a p i t a l i s m

7 stuv \w x^ yz{| \ww} - Mary At tenborough ( IC Communis t

Soc ie ty )

R e : I l is g i r l - f r i end ' s room-mate

7 ~��� � S(J K4 ��"� �� K# U (5 ������� ����I ULK ��'�� (S�� �]^ ����� x^ ��� �� x^�} — Ter ry Westoby ( F E L I X A r t s Ed i to r )

R e : N U S Con fe rence �C�� ��� �$� � ���� �$ ��'� �����'� �'� nopn� 5������� 3$4��� \]^ ����� ��� �^\ �w� ' — Sue S l ipman ( N l i S Secretary)

R e : Ter ry -Thomas in terv iew �!� US �$� ���/ �$ ����� ���� ( %(� ����� ����� ���� ( U TMark C a l d w e l l

R e : C o l l a t i n g �� ¡¢ (of cou rse ! ) C�� ����� ������� /��� ���� ����� �$ ���� 3M� ���� &$M"��� ���� ���� ���� ���������6 #�# &$M£ U — L i n d a R o u s s e l ( C o l l e g e

P u b l i c a t i o n s Dept . )

R e : The F E L I X E d i t o r

' e$M '��� JK& ¤ K ������ S$ ��"� ���� �� �K ����"�6 K¥¦§ ¨© �^\ ]�� ª«¬­ w�\® } d Dave Hopk ins ( F E L I X N e w s - E d i t o r )

R e : G u i l d s D inner and Dance �=��/ ¯���� M° 3$4 �� � (� !± U — P a u l Ekpenyong

Re: (dubious) ²³´µ¶· ���� � "������� 3$4 ( ���� 3$4 %U T L i n d a R o u s s e l

( C o l l e g e B l o c k P u b l i c a t i o n s dept.)

R e : ( l u i l ds P r e s i d e n t s ¸¹º»¼½̧ �K �� �¾ ��� $3 ( ¿�� ��(Subwarden T i za rd H a l l )

R e : A ce r ta in young lady U!� �� / ��'�� 5 ������� �& ÀÁÂà ÄB u s i n e s s Manager)

R e : the ed i tor of a ce r ta in U n i o n p u b l i c a t i o n

7���� �K ������� ������ �� K�S $J� ������

( F E L I X staff)

R e : C l i v e D e w e y , who asked him i f he wanted tea ÅÆÇÈÉÊ ����r ! UË $� ������/ �������� �$ ÌÍÎÏÐ-Paul Ekpenyong

R e : (dubious) �C�� ���� �$� �"��� % 3$4 ( ÑÒÓÔÕ — P a u l Ekpenyong

7 ��� � �$� �"��� &$M 3$4 ( �(�!! U — Duncan S u s s

R e : (dubious) cÖc× � x�\ w� � \�\Ø bÙt ` Ú̀ c Û P a u l E k p e n y o n g

R e : Dave C h a n c e (see last w e e k ' s iront page) �H��� � JK$ ��� �� � ����" � ������ ���� �� �� ����� ���� � TSteve Br ightman

R e : Jo int C o u n c i l �� ������ ������ �$ �������� K�S ������ � T N i c k B r a y s h a w

(in the cha i r )

H��������Þ � Ron K i l l

Duncan Suss ( F E L I X

— Ian Morse

Chemical Arson-

The Truth (See F E L I X No . 408 about the story of the truant who t r ied to

burn down the Chemis t r y B u i l d i n g . )

L a s t week s attempt to burn down the Harwood l ab w a s

greeted w i th wav e s o f apathy from the occupan ts of the lab .

The would-be f ire bug was roundly condemned, the fo l l ow ing

comments are t y p i c a l —

" W e shou ld have let the whole bloody thing burn d o w n . "

" H e shou ldn ' t have set f i re to i t , he c o u l d have pushed

it d o w n . "

I c a n now revea l that the man beh ind the arson attempt

was none other than Dr 'Godfa ther ' K i r kb r i gh t , the top man

in ana l y t i ca l chemis t r y .

The doctor gave the fo l l ow ing statements at va r ious

t imes —

" M a k e an appo in tmen t . "

' 'Sorry must r u s h . "

" I ' m due at a m e e t i n g . "

" N o I'm not the 'Mr B i g ' behind th is arson attempt, even

though we have .run out of money for the new chemis t ry

b l o c k . "

" N o that was not me moving an op to -acous t i c spectrometer

back into the bu i l d ing after Dr F l e e t had fo i l ed the arson

a t tempt . "

The youth r espons ib l e was of course Dr A d a m s , d i s g u i s e d

in dark g l a s s e s . Dr Adams is N o . 2 in the K i rkb r igh t 'B ro ther ­

hood ' (or shou ld it be the Pe rsonhood? )

W I L L T H E R E B E F U R T H E R A T T E M P T S T O D E M O L I S H

T H E H A R W O O D L A B ?

Dr K i rkb r igh t i s cur rent ly work ing on the a n a l y s i s o f

n i t rog lycer ine by atomic absorp t ion . Dr F l e e t is cove r ing

g l a s s y carbon e l ec t r odes wi th mercury fu lm ina te . .

A . H .

Monster hunt at

Loch Morar Students who attended T i m

D i n s d a l e ' s talk on }ß]^5��� 3$4 �K à�"� á���âãäå æçè é (IC Natura l H is to ry

S o c ) , w i l l r e c a l l that he lp

i s needed for th is yea r ' s

hunt. L o c h Morar has a s im i l a r

'mons te r ' t rad i t ion to L o c h

N e s s , and a l s o has the

advantage of c r ys ta l c l e a r

water for much improved

underwater work . The 1976

L o c h Morar E x p e d i t i o n i s

be ing run by members of

R o y a l Ho l l oway C o l l e g e ,

a s s i s t e d by students from

E a l i n g T e c h , and e l s e w h e r e .

More par t i c ipan ts are requi red

for the e x p e d i t i o n , w h i c h w i l l

run through June , J u l y , and

Augus t . Whatever your pe rsona l

v i e w s on the p resence or

absence o f 'mons te rs ' i n

S c o t t i s h l o c h s , you may be

at t racted by the idea of

spend ing a week or two i n

the h igh lands th is year . M i k e

P a r s o n s of R o y a l Ho l l oway i s

o rgan i s ing student membership

in L o n d o n , and I have r ece i ve d

c o p i e s of the e x p e d i t i o n ' s

a p p l i c a t i o n forms and 1975

report for d i s t r i bu t i on amongst

in terested pa r t i es . T h e s e can

be ob ta ined from myse l f —

Dept o f Z o o l o g y , room 2.4

( in te rna l phone, 2481).

J im Brock

(P res iden t Nat H i s t Soc)

W E L F A R E W A F F L E I s h a l l be keep ing the

Welfare Cent re open one day

a week dur ing the summer

h o l i d a y s . T h i s w i l l be every

Wednesday from 12.30 —

1.30pm in the usua l p l a c e : at

the top of the Un ion B u i l d i n g .

If you want to contact me at

any other t ime, r ing the

Un ion O f f i c e .

Do not forget that you can

c l a i m s o c i a l secur i t y a s

before th is summer. T h e new

regu la t ions do not come into

e f fec t un t i l Oc tober . L e a f l e t s

exp la i n i n g the procedure and

con ta in ing add resse s of l o c a l

employment and s o c i a l

secur i ty o f f i c e s are a v a i l a b l e

at the centre as w e l l as

informat ion on l e g a l , accom­

modat ion , consumer p rob lems,

e t c .

P l e a s e a l s o come to the

Cen t re or leave a message at

the U n i o n O f f i c e i f you are a

w i l l i n g babys i t te r or wou ld

l i ke to help out once a week

at the Centre next yea r .

T h a n k s muchly

S U E K A L I C I N S K I

u n a

The long hard year The end of a l ong , hard year looms

p l e a s i n g l y ahead as I put pen to paper for

the l a s t ed i tor ia l o f the s e s s i o n . It i s not

w i th sobs and s n i f f l e s that I look forward

to my imminent departure a s ed i tor of

th i s paper, but w i th a s i g h of re l i e f .

U n l i k e my p redecesso r I do not w i s h

to ep i logue at l eng th . I hope that my

s u c c e s s o r has , or i f he has not yet done

s o , w i l l l ea rn from the m i s t a k e s I made .

F E L I X I b e l i e v e i s now f i rmly e s t a b l i s h e d

in i t s present form and I hope it con t inues

to p lay i t s important role w i t h i n the

U n i o n i n a respons ib l e and c o n s t r u c t i v e

manner.

Tha t off my ches t I shou ld l i k e to

thank a l l those peop le who have he lped

me throughout the year e s p e c i a l l y J e n

Hardy-Smi th , R i z Shak i r , P e t e r T e a g u e ,

John Downs (desp i te h i s i n s u l t s ) and

the P u b l i c a t i o n s department of c o l l e g e .

I cannot depart however , wi thout a few

comments about the F E L I X s ta f f who

have worked s o l i d l y throughout the year

w i th almost Spar tan- l i ke fervour . T h e y are:

Ian Morse (offset l i tho operator) , for

whom women are o b s t a c l e s to be sur»

mounted and who th inks Q P R are the

bes t footba l l team around; G i l l M c C o n w a y

a sports fanat ic whose pet hates are

Mooney food and bad handwr i t i ng ; P h i l

D e a n , who l i v e s more i n B e x h i l l and

d i d not of ten get pas t the o f f i ce on the

way to the P h y s i c s dept ; Ter ry Westoby,

our A r t s E d i t o r who swears he never

ed i t ed any th ing ; Duncan S u s s , a Mancun ian

w i t h a wry s e n s e of humour and c o u l d

sc rew money out of Scrooge; N i g e l

W i l l i a m s , whose grey photos a l w a y s sent

P h i l and Ian up the w a l l ; D a v e K n i g h t s ,

who t a l k s and laughs in s e v e n d i f ferent

o c t a v e s ; Dave F o x a l l , who p o s s e s s e s

the most e x t e n s i v e vocabu la ry of abuse

I've ever come a c r o s s and ea ts l i ke a

horse ; John M c C l o s k e y , an Abbot t a le

freak whose ambi t ion i s to own a motorb ike

shop and th inks that puk ing i s therapeut ic ;

C l i v e D e w e y , who has a penchant for

C o l l e g e admin b i rds and has a very

spr ingy head ; T o m S tevenson , who can

make F E L I X sound l i k e The Times

over the phone and hates me head l i n i ng

h i s reviews; Andrew H a l l , l i te ra ry Sports

E d i t o r who never seemed to qui te

understand how I became edi tor ;

C h r i s S imester (a l i as H i e ) , who coughed

up a lot of rev iews a g a i n th is year ; and

f i na l l y Dave H o p k i n s , our Welsh N e w s

E d i t o r who i s somet imes found s i ng ing

crude rugby songs over the internal-

ex tens ions in the F E L I X o f f i c e .

L a s t but by no means l e a s t , a very

s p e c i a l thank you to my C R I T I C S — may

they l i ve long and w e l l .

P a u l Ekpenyong

Continued from page .2

Parkers Piece y a l u e on P G educat ion than on U G

educa t i on . A f te r three y e a r s on a U G

grant P G s are expec ted to take a further

cut in l i v i n g s tandards f a a further

three or more y e a r s . It wou ld not be

su rp r i s i ng i f the demand for research

p l a c e s dropped and s t i l l l e s s so i f the

Government used th is as an e x c u s e

for further c u t s . I am sure no P G expec ts

nor needs a f i n a n c i a l i ncen t i ve to do the

work he or she d o e s , but the f i n a n c i a l

deterrent of the present l e v e l of f i nanc ing

requi res a lot of en thus iasm and d e d i c a t i o n

to beat i t . In future, th is l e v e l of sub­

s i s t e n c e w i l l be to le ra ted by an ever

d i m i s h i n g , if ded i ca ted , f ew .

It i s hard ly su rp r i s ing that many

good graduates opt for industry where

they c a n earn £2,500 to £3,500 or more

in their f i r s t year , of ten hav ing the

opportuni ty to ob ta in hgher q u a l i f i c a t i o n s

and"degrees at the same t ime.

T h e 17% r i se in grants represents on ly

an 11% r ise in the expendi ture on

s tuden t sh ips . T h e tota l i s a l ready low at

£24 m i l l i o n s , l e s s than the amount any

good na t i ona l i sed industry can l o s e in a

week .

R e s e a r c h and post degree educa t ion

are the core of our educa t ion s y s t e m . We

rely on these sec to rs to t ra in our

lec turers and those researchers who

cons tan t l y re f resh and advance the

body of knowledge a v a i l a b l e . T h e

Government is res t r i c t i ng the f low to the

core . Soon the educat ion sys tem w i l l be

a ho l l ow s h e l l f o l l ow ing stagnant

pa t te rns .

STOP THE ROT NOW!

R I C K P A R K E R

I C P G G Cha i rman

IMPERIAL COLLEGE STUDENTS UNION.

L O O K I N G F O R FLATS?

TEMPORARY ROOMS

will be available in Southside at the end of the summer vacation.

18-25 September 50p per night. COME TO T H E UNION OFFICE

10am-5pm on these days as

ROOMS ARE TO BE LET ON A CASUAL BASIS.

BRING A •

SLEEPING BAG

O D C K 1976 DO NOT BRING LARGE AMOUNTS OF LUGGAGE

FILIX 7

P R O F I L E S :

Paul Ekpenyong I ' V E B E E N teas ing P a u l a l l week tha t l ' d leave th is space

b lank , as a momento to h i s many spoof p a g e s . Tha t , though,

wou ld be too unk ind a gesture to someone w h o ' s put a tremendous

amount of work into the U n i o n ' s hardest sabba t i ca l j ob . So

here goes !

B e l i e v e it or not P a u l E s i e n Inang Uko reb i E k p e n y o n g (phew!)

was born in E a s t L o n d o n in 1953. Af ter va r i ous ' l i be ra l s t u d i e s '

at Tot tenham T e c h n i c a l C o l l e g e , P a u l came to I C in 1973,

supposed l y to study Ma themat i cs . H e soon r e a l i s e d th i s m is take

and reso l ved to make a big impact on the IC s o c i a l l i f e and the

a c t i v i t i e s of IC U n i o n . Three y e a r ' s later he can j u s t i f i a b l y

say he has s u c c e e d e d (even S i r B r i a n ' s secretary knows him

as P ingpong ) .

T o c a l l P a u l an a l c o h o l i c and a gourmet wou ld ce r ta in l y be

true, but that in i t se l f wou ld g l o s s over many a humerous o c c a s i o n .

A f te r a l l how wou ld you go about ce leb ra t i ng the fact that you

never get a hangover , however much booze you consumed?

P a u l ' s a l c o h o l i c in take has at t imes g iven r ise to many a

p recar ious s i t ua t i on , p a r t i c u l a r l y dur ing h i s year as F E L I X

E d i t o r . N e v e r t h e l e s s , d e s p i t e w a l k i n g a long and a c r o s s the tube

l i nes at West K e n s i n g t o n s ta t ion (after one too many g l a s s e s of

Abbot ) , and desp i te a rather arrogant encounter w i th a tax i

dr iver in Soho Square, w h i c h was on ly r e s o l v e d when P ingpon g

jumped onto the t a x i - c a b bonnet sc reaming ' take me to Soho '

(even he c a n ' t remember how much he ' d had to dr ink that n ight ) ,

P a u l has managed to su rv i ve h is year a s ed i tor .

One notable inc ident happened at the end of h is f i rs t term as

F E L I X Ed i t o r at a party g iven by R i c k y Graham and f r i ends .

P ingpong ar r i ved rather drunk, to put it p o l i t e l y , and proceeded

to down ha l f a bott le of w h i s k e y in two gu lps . M inu tes later he

was seen cha t t ing to John D o w n s and J u l i a R o s s . Apparen t l y he

managed to talk i n te l l i gen t l y for ha l f an hour before p a s s i n g out,

c l u t ch i ng a pint of lager ! Af ter be ing ca r r i ed home he dec ided to

wa lk into a shower f u l l y c l o t h e d .

O n o c c a s i o n s he has been s e e n sober, a l though he s t i l l

ma in ta ins frequent appearances in the Un ion B a r , desp i te the

fact that the bar staf f once d e c i d e d to s t r ip him after hours , and

desp i te frequent threats from h i s bank manager.

H i s ea t ing hab i ts are p robab ly l e s s w e l l - k n o w n , a l though

many students w i l l have g u e s s e d them after h is frequent journalist ic

a t tacks on Mr Mooney 's c a t e r i n g . Many res tauran ts , e s p e c i a l l y

the Great A m e r i c a n S u c c e s s , have a l s o expe r i enced the by­

products of P a u l ' s gas t ronomic d i s s a t i s f a c t i o n . In fact h e ' s

a l w a y s comp la in ing about the hamburgers at G A S . He heated ly

bangs h i s f i s t on the tab le v a i n l y t ry ing to get the b i l l reduced .

He doesn ' t l i k e thei r m i l k shakes e i ther .

S loppy wa i te r s e r v i c e i s another source of annoyance to

P i n g p o n g , who at t imes has had to be fo rc ib ly res t ra ined from

a s s a u l t i n g w a i t e r s . Res tau ran ts aren ' t the only p l a c e s that

P a u l ' s got e v i c t e d from. Many o f h i s f r iends remember a ce r ta i n

event that took p lace at a West End C i n e m a . A spur ious comment

to an ex t remely vo luptuous doorg i r l saw P a u l and h i s f r iends

(who 'd a l ready pa id for thei r t i c ke t s ) promptly e v i c t e d from the

b u i l d i n g .

So far I haven ' t s a i d much about P a u l as an ed i to r , a l though

Tony Jones doesn ' t seem to have lef t me much room for manoeuvre .

P i n g p o n g has a great capac i t y for work, sure ly fos tered by h i s

unique a b i l i t y to go wi thout s leep for long p e r i o d s . He rare ly

d i s p l a y s any after e f f ec t s , a l though recent ly he has looked a

bit haggered (I don ' t th ink h e ' s learnt judo yet ) .

A s an ed i to r he ' s been a great source of insp i ra t ion to h i s

fe l low staf f members of the las t two years and has encouraged a

de lega t ion of r e s p o n s i b i l i t y (from copyreaders onwards) . H e ' s a

p l e a s a n t , humerous charac ter who gets on w e l l w i th p e o p l e . A

f r iend who ' s never a f ra id to make a fool of h imse l f i n the in te res ts

of h i s job ( just look at the quotes f i l e ) .

In h i s year as ed i to r , P a u l has done much to iron-out the

remain ing t e c h n i c a l d i f f i c u l t i e s of o f f se t - l i t ho , as w e l l as

ex tend ing the role that F E L I X p l a y s at I C . It is perhaps unfortunate

that he w i l l be remembered for the m is takes he has made

rather than the s tab i l i t y he has g i ven the paper .

U n l i k e the p redecesso r , who P a u l desc r i bes a s a ' n o s t a l g i c

s e n t i m e n t a l i s t ' , P i ngpon g i s a s e l f - c o n f e s s e d c y n i c , whose

intermit tent d is regard of women has often fou led up h i s

re l a t i onsh ips w i th the same. T h i s term h e ' s f i na l l y got h i s sex

l i f e sor ted out , a l though there was a time when he was f r a n t i c a l l y

wr i t i ng out programmes for the C D C computer i n an effort to get

h i s con fused ob jec t i ves s t ra igh tened out. So now you know why

the C D C ' s been 'go ing down ' recen t l y , i t ' s P a u l ' s l o v e - l i f e

s t re tch ing i ts f a c i l i t i e s !

Af ter 700 words I th ink I 've s a i d enough to dest roy P a u l ' s

c r e d i b i l i t y , and g iven y o u a c l e a r i dea of the man h imse l f . A l l

that remains to be done i s to gather together the remnants of th i s

yea r ' s staff and s i f t through the books that P a u l sugges ts I read

T h e la t ter inc lude How to get your bum^bitten ( tw ice) by an IF

President and Sensual Massage. Bo th are a v a i l a b l e from your

l o c a l C romwe l l Mews bookshop .

P S P a u l doesn ' t wr i te the T P co lumn .

C l i v e Dewey

(PPS: Really Clive, I wish you'de left this space blank or at least

presented me with an air ticket to Brazil (one way) — Paul.)

Mark

Caldwell " P L E A S E P A U L , C A N I H A V E T H E

F R O N T P A G E " i s a cry that I have

heard many a time th is year . It i nva r i ab l y

comes from no l e s s e r a person than

Mark C a l d w e l l , who h a s , for the pas t

two yea rs been the Cha i rman of S T O I C .

He is u s u a l l y trying to get one o f h i s

now famous "Film Talk" programmes

b lazened a c r o s s the front page of

F E L I X .

Mark i s the sort of chap that o l d

l ad i es refer to a s "Wha t a po l i t e young

m a n " , for he is po l i t e and ext remely

modest . A trai t >ne might not expec t to

f ind i n ' a media man.

Of ten seen strut t ing be tween the

S T O I C s tud ios and the U n i o n — l i n e s of

communica t ion are very tenuous these

days — Mark p resen ts the t y p i c a l image

of a p u b l i c s c h o o l boy . ( H e ' l l p robab ly

shoot me for say ing that because h is

opiniotv of these bas t ions of upper c l a s s

educa t i on is ext remely low. )

A l t hough he came here to s tudy

P h y s i c s , a sub jec t he does not f i nd

pa r t i cu l a r l y f a s c i n a t i n g , he has spent a

subs tan t i a l part of h is time i n v o l v e d

w i th S T O I C . F i r s t prompted by a S T O I C

not ice i n T o p i c w h i c h he found l y i n g

around in Keogh H a l l , he went one

produc t ion meet ing af ter another and has

not l ooked back s i n c e . Ne i the r has S T O I C .

H i s f i rs t in te rv iew proved abor t ive

when, after swe l te r ing under s tud io

l i gh ts for ha l f an hour, h i s i n te rv iewees

d idn ' t show up. H i s second in te rv iew

w i th Don Monro was i n h i s own words

" b l o o d y a w f u l " . S ince then h i s inter­

v i ew ing techn ic has improved a l though

he has made inev i tab le s l i p s now and

then. O n c e , i n te rv iew ing P r o f L a i t h w a i t e

he muffed h i s th i rd ques t ion on the

fourth or f i f th re- take. P r o f L a i t h w a i t e

was "quite cutting" about the whole

a f fa i r .

Mark has s h i e d away in te rv iew ing

a c a d e m i c s s i n c e then and f inds l e s s of

a problem ta l k i ng to f i lm s ta rs a l though

they too can get out of h a n d . In te rv iewing

Barry Humphreys of Bar ry M c K e n z i e

fame, he had tea sp i l t on h i s notes by

Bar ry , who turned up d ressed in drag as

Dame E d n a E v e r i d g e . M a r k ' s comment

la te r was "How do you talk to a man

who pretends to be a woman?"

H i s many in te rv iewes inc lude M e l

B r o o k s who took off M a r k ' s g l a s s e s as

he was about to introduce a f i lm c l i p ,

Chr i s topher L e e who threatened to wa l k

off the in te rv iew if D r a c u l a w a s brought

into the conve rsa t i on and G l e n d a J a c k s o n

who threatened to poke h i s e y e s out w i th

the women 's l i b f l agpo le ! However , says

Mark , th i s la t ter i n te rv iew was h is most

en joyab le .

T h e " F i l m T a l k " s e r i e s , of w h i c h

these in te rv iews are a par t , has a c h i e v e d

a great d e a l of s u c c e s s and most of them

are made ou ts ide the C o l l e g e . T h e y are

broadcas t of f the I L E A ' S C h a n n e l 7

network and rep laced a rather s i m i l a r

but in fer ior programme they used to put

out.

A s w i th other med ia men, Mark i s

a lways worr ied about h i s a u d i e n c e .

A u d i e n c e ra t ings are a y a r d s t i c k by

wh ich a programme i s adjudged

s u c c e s s f u l . The formula that he has

found that works i s " n o i s y or d i r ty f i lm

c l i p s and b ig n a m e s " — the p r e c i s e

ingred ients of "Film Talk", he was

qui te chuf fed to f ind w e l l over 100

peop le s i t t i ng qu ie t l y i n the J C R watch ing

the re-run of the T i m Cur ry i n te r v i ew .

The s u c c e s s of S T O I C w i th "Film

Talk and the "Lunchbreak" magaz ine

programme has brought i t s rewards . T h e

Rec to r has taken a keen in te res t in

S T O I C s i nce be ing in te rv iewed and

the resu l t , af ter many le t te rs from Mark ,

i s that S T O I C now have use of ed i t i ng

f a c i l i t i e s cos t i ng about £6,000. In

add i t i on , "Film Talk" i s now an

"industry approved" programme; t h i s

f a c i l i t a t e s procurement of c l i p s for the

programmes.

H a s he en joyed be ing S T O I C C h a i r m a n .

Y e s . H e has been i n te rv iewed by B B C

R a d i o L o n d o n , ment ioned i n the E v e n i n g

N e w s and has a g low ing job re ference

from Bar ry B r o w n , producer of B B C ' s

F i l m N igh t . He i s current ly t ry ing to get

into one of the independent T V compan ies

— " a n y o n e w h i c h ' l l take m e " . I'm sure

that d e s p i t e h is l a c k of luck at the

moment he w i l l even tua l l y breakthrough

and F E L I X w i s h e s h im the bes t for the

future.

P a u l Ekpenyong

M U X

C R O S S W O R D No. 4 1 \ k. 3 • 7 4

M •i

a «3

IS B »

t*

•

IX

%• 5 »/

Si.

! [ 34-

!

A C R O S S

I. C 2 4 H 4 0 0 5 from b i l e

9. Sounds i f you are a l l ab le

to hear

I I . Great and form idable hobbi t

12. R e s u l t if 32 done

13. Not for drunken d r i v ing?

14. B a c k up g i r l (not qui te

on horse)

15. P u t extreme in c i r c u l a t i o n

17. G o back drunk

1 9 . T e n or a m i xed baroque

feature

21 . Annoy k i l l e r s ta tus of

B o n d ' s y e l l o w bi rd

25. Near l y h i l l hes i t a t i on seed

sca r .

27. T a r spencer

28 . P o n idge const i tuent

30. A l t e rna t i ve to s c i e n t i f i c

management

31. P r e f i x bad ly

32. R e s u l t i s 12

33. See boat but not qu i te

a t tack

3 4 . 6 tuts C a t h o l i c s , but makes it

Sorry f o l k s , rso p r i ze for t h i s

las t mind bender ! T h e so lu t i on

w i l l be p u b l i s h e d in the f i rs t

i s s u e of the autumn term.

Have a n i c e h o l i d a y !

No correct s o l u t i o n s were

r ec e i v e d for C r o s s w o r d N o . 40 .

So lu t ion to C r o s s w o r d N o . 40

DOWN

1. Take out a m i l . w i th c ry

of pain for ind ia- rubber

2. C h a s e s and more than s tun

3. F i s h eggs, to i ron sou rce

4. Is G u i n e s s a N i g e r i a n

ve r s i on of th is

5. A l e s s e r exam

6. K n o w but fool

7 . A n o i d e r o f p i l l a r

8. Dra t , h e l l , short of court

of s e s s i o n for s lu t s

10. A house god in large house

11. Speak something

16. A i d from loot

18. E q u a l looks c l o s e l y

20. Qu ie t instrument

22. T h e smal les t o f l i t te rs

23 . Go up in same o l d way

24. I t i s in 27, a feature, you

might say

26. More, or l e s s

27. P u t up wi th 24 i n i t i a l l y

29 .Me ta l from egg

31. G o up r iver through F e n

P o l y

It kU

i L

1 P

* T

/ N i— e

l> 1 < r* N

0 M £

L l_ o 1 c V A

c A C "« mm A

C K ft T i

l< A s. f\ M c C a K)

wr~ A

L E hJ ii e £ rV Pi N / £

m " e T L £ S S 8

> / it 0 e N

f*

U 0

e V £ O < c

A < e IT b

F E L I X Published by the Editor on

behalf of I .C.Union Publication Board, printed Off-set Litho on the premises.

Fel ix Office,PrinceConsort Rd,

London SW7 2BB-

T e l . 01 589 S i l l ext 1048,1042

© F E L I X , 1976

E D I T O R : Paul Ekpenyong

Many thanks to G i l l McConway, Ian Morse, Phi l Dean, Duncan Suss, Dave Knights, Dave Hopkins, Terry Westoby, Dave Foxa l l . John McCloskey and Cl ive Dewey.

FOR SALE One 5ft x 6'4ft s l e e p e e z e e

Beauty res t D i v a n . T e n

years o l d . Any of fer

c o n s i d e r e d . Phone Dr M

St reat , int 3770.

The Academic

Hierarchy

A VICE CHANCELLOR

Leaps t a l l buildings ir. a single bound,

is more powerful than a locomotive,

is faster than a speeding b u l l e t ,

walks on water,

gives policy to God.

A HEAD OF DEPARTMENT

Leaps short buildings in a single bound,

is more powerful than a shunting engine,

is just as fast as a speeding b u l l e t ,

walks on water i f sea is calm,

talks with God.

A PROFESSOR

Leaps short buildings with a running start

and favourable winds,

is almost as powerful as a shunting engine,

is faster than a speeding b u l l e t ,

walks on water in an indoor swimming pool,

talks with God i f special request is approved.

A READER OR SENIOR LECTURER

Barely clears a prefabricated hut,

loses a tug of war with locomotive,

can f i r e a speeding b u l l e t ,

swims well,

i s occasionally addressed by God.

A LECTURER

Makes high marks on the wall when trying to clear

t a l l buildings,

i s run over by locomotive,

can someties handle a gun without injuring

himself,

dog paddles,

talks to animals.

A GRADUATE STUDENT

runs into buildings,

recognizes locomotives two times out of three,

i s not issued ammunition,

can stay afloat with a l i f e jacket,

talks to walls.

AN UNDERGRADUATE

Fa l l s over doorstep when trying to enter buildings,

says look at the choo-choo,

wets himself with a water p i s t o l ,

plays in mud puddles,

mumbles to himself.

A DEPARTMENTAL SECRETARY

L i f t s buildings and walks under them,

kicks locomotives off the tracks,

catches speeding bullets in teeth and eats them,

freezes water with a single glance,

she i s God.

M U X 9

Music

R e v i e w s

Your Mother

wouldn't like it... Alberto Y Lost Trios Paranoias

(Transatlantic)

T H E D E B U T A L B U M from e v e r y b o d y ' s

favour i te perver ts has so far had much

pub l i c i t y for i ts supposed ou t rageousness ,

not l e a s t by those guard ians of pub l i c

mora l i t y the News of the World and

Sunday People. L e t me keep you in

s u s p e n s e no longer — every th ing you

have read about the a lbum (that h a s

al ready been banned from WH Smi ths and

Boo ts ) i s true — w e l l a lmost . Y e s , there

are p lenty of four let ter wo rds , y e s the

songs are about s a d i s m , debauchery ,

bondage — you name i t , the A lbe r tos

cover it (a l l over ) .

C o u l d it be that the nat iona l p ress

have f i na l l y tw igged to the fact that

rock ' n ' r o l l mus i c has gone beyond the

the sweet s i x teen syndrome? O b v i o u s l y

they can ' t be aware that F rank Z a p p a

sa id it a l l over a decade ago wi th

p r i c e l e s s l i t t l e d i t t i e s l i ke 'Brown

Shoes Don't Make It', and as far as

four- let ter words go , he l l L e n n y Bruce

was l ay ing them down on v i ny l a good

Back Street Crawler - Second Street

(Atlantic)

IT W O U L D be n i c e to say that before

dy ing so t r ag i ca l l y on 18th May th is

year , P a u l K o s s o f f left us wi th a record

that was a monument to R o c k ' n ' R o l l .

S a d l y . th i s i s not so , w h i c h is not to

say th is i s a bad a lbum. In fact i t s an

album wh ich I found qui te en joyab le ,

a l though l ac k i n g any sort of o r i g i n a l i t y ,

(the band hav ing strong l ean ings toward

sy t le of B a d Company , w h i c h is i nev i t ab l e

I suppose) it con ta ins p lenty of h igh

octane energy and f e e l i n g , two super­

l a t i v e s that become mandatory when

desc r ib ing any work P a u l K o s s o f f was

invo l ved i n .

T h e band i t s e l f i s t ight 'n 'hot w i th

Ter ry Wi l son on bass and Tony PI tunagel

on drums lay ing down a f i rm rhythm on

w h i c h John ' R a b b i t ' Bundr i ck bu i lds h i s

f ine keyboard work. T h e n the re ' s ' K o s s '

of c o u r s e , do ing what comes na fu ra l l y ,

Joe Cocker - Stingray

(A&M)

A F T E R T H E sup r i s i ng l y up-tempo

approach of the man 's last ef for t , Jamaica

Say You Will, on h is la test reco rd ing ,

C o c k e r returns to the more fam i l i a r , l a i d

back mood of / Can Stand A Little Rain.

Reco rded in K i n g s t o n , w i th just about

the most imp ress i ve l ine-up any R & B

s inger has eve r used — the i n i t i a l band

be ing C o r n e l l Dupree , E r i c G a l e , R i c h a r d

T e e , Steve G a d d and Gordon E d w a r d s ,

wi th the l i k e s of E r i c C l a p t o n and B o n n i e

Bramlet t thrown in for good measure , the

album has that d i s t i n c t i v e reggae

undercurrent , that seems to infect most

a r t i s t ' s work when they record in

J a m a i c a .

The album opens w i th Bobby C h a r l e s

'The Jealous Heart' w h i c h C o c k e r s i ngs

wh i l e before F rank .

What the na t iona ls f a i l ed to grasp

however , i s the main point of A l b e r t o ' s

ex i s t ence — Sat i re , the bands pa r t i cu la r

fo l l y being ' to take the p i s s out of the

mus ic b u s i n e s s , and more s p e c i f i c a l l y

the m u s i c i a n s who keep it a l i v e . Thev

ach ieve th is w i t h outrageous p a r o d i e s ,

incorporat ing the above ment ioned

l y r i c a l over tones .

I he f i rs t track i s 'Tortue You' w i th i ts

spade - l i ke heavy breath ing , complete wi th

sensous l y r i c s l i ke ' g i ve me a whip and

a j e l l i e d e e l ' , a l l good c l e a n fun . L o u

R e e d comes under the A l b e r t o ' s hammer

w i th 'Anadin', need less to say a spoof

of the V e l v e t s 'Heroin'. "Dread Jaws",

the bands reluctant Top T e n shot , g i v e s

Bob Mar ley the once over , (subst i tu te

'No Women No C r y ' wi th — no l egs he

c r y ' ) . 'Pavlov' i s a p i e c e of punk- rock

that wou ld do even the Romones j u s t i c e .

S ide T w o opens w i th the utter ly

s i c k 'Dead Meat' w h i m s i c a l ta le about a

lad who yearns to be a butcher and rub

and f i na l l y Ter ry Wi lson S l e s s e r s ing ing

up a storm w i th h i s R o d S t e w a r t / F r a n k i e

M i l l e resqu e v o c a l s .

Second Street opens power fu l l y wi th

'Selfish Lover' the strong drumming of

B raunage l s tand ing out here. K o s s o f f s

gui tar is c l e a r and c r i s p in the t yp i ca l

K o s s o f f manner; and the whole band

rea l l y works up some heat. 'Blue Soul',

the next cu t , is a me lod ic b lues w i th

tas te fu l p iano and a c o u s t i c gui tar ,

tak ing the song a long unt i l the band

bursts ' b a c k , wi th the v o c a l i s t baw l i ng

out the l y r i c s w i t h a lot o f energy.

Unfor tunate ly the album nose d i v e s

wi th the next two songs — 'Stop What

Your Doing' and 'Raging River', w h i c h

are s t ra ight rockers w i th l i t t le to say

for them, but the las t t rack on the f i rs t

s i d e . "Some Kind of Happy" i s a rea l

in a re l a t i ve l y res t ra ined manner,

compared wi th sonie of the v o c a l f renzy

that appears on other parts of th is

record . T h e next o f fe r ing i s one of three

Matthew Moore songs i nc l uded . 7 broke

down' w h i c h p roves to be the albums so le

t rack w h i c h shu f f les a long w i th any sort

of u rgency , the rest be ing the moody

h i id i lv emo t i ona l , of ten unbearably

poignant in terpretat ions that have become

the C o c k e r ha l lmark .

Inev i tab ly , B o b D y l a n is represented

on St ingray , he p rov id ing two of the

c o m p o s i t i o n s . One o f w h i c h , the p rev i ous l y

unrecorded 'Catfish' p rov ing to be the

albums f i nes t p i e c e , w i th Joe i n f ine

v o i c e , and making the most of the

sh i ve r i ng , i c e - c o l d arrangement g i ven to

rawmeat i n h is f a c e .

The A lbe r t os reckon " m o s t m u s i c i a n s

s u c k " it s a y s on the press handout , and

the band leave the l i s t ene r in no doubt

as to whom they think suck the most ,

those bas t i ons of moronic musak Hawk-

wind and P i n k F l o y d . Dur ing 'Mandrax

Variations — Parts', the band make

d i rect reference to the mus i c of " w i n d and

F l o y d , w i th parts of S i l v e r Machine and

E c h o e s , g iven new arrangements , and

F o l l o w the G u r u ' is a d isa rming step

back into Ba r re t i an F l o y d p s y c h e d e l i a .

I cou ld go o n , but I guess you ' ve got a

p ic tu re of what th is a l bum 's a l l about .

My on ly d isappointment w i th the

record is the sad o m i s s i o n of the a l l

time p i s s - t a k e that a l w a y s proves a

k i l l e r i n thei r s tage act — the immortal

C a p t a i n B e e f c a k e rout ine, comple te w i th

fart ing saxophone. The A l b e r t o s are

rea l l y a band to see , but th is album i s

the next bes t th ing , y o u ' l l p robab ly get

in to it — but your mother wou ldn ' t l i ke i t .

I A N M O R S E

c rease r , and once a g a i n , W i l s o n - S l e s s e r is on top form, backed up by a g i r l chorus who make th is the cut of the whole a lbum.

The second s ide opens wi th 'Sweet

Beauty' — another ba l l ad w h i c h i s g i ven added momentum by the gui tar p l a y i n g of K o s s .

The remain ing t racks - 'Just for You'.

'On Your Life' and 'Leaves in the wind'

are good, but fa l l into the same catagory

as so many F r e e and B a d Company songs .

N e v e r t h e l e s s , desp i te i t s fau l ts th i s

record i s an e s s e n t i a l add i t ion to any

c o l l e c t i o n that c on t a i n s work by e i ther

(or both) of the aforement ioned bands , as

it is the las t statement by someone who

had more than a p a s s i n g in f l uence on

both F r ee and B a d Company , and for that

matter B r i t i sh rock as a w h o l e .

the song by the band. T h i s is the fourth

track i n , and from now on C o c k e r s i n g s

w i th the rasp ing , raging in tens i ty that

on ly th is man can g ive to seeming ly

romant ic s o n g s . A s the second s ide

p rog resses , the in tens i t y l e v e l gets

h igher , * unt i l w i th 'Worrier' and 'Born

thru Indifference', C o c k e r sounds as

to ta l l y was ted as he l ooks on the

group's cover photo. No wonder Joe i s a

forerunner in the rock casua l t y s t a k e s .

If you l i ke Joe C o c k e r a lo t then y o u ' l l p robab ly get into th is a lbum, but i f yours i s jus t a p a s s i n g in te res t , t ry some of the l e s s in tense reco rd ings , l i k e

' Jama i ca ' .

I A N M O R S E

The Last Record Album

Rock casualty hangs on

FIIIX

Music

Catherine Howe: Silent Mother

Nature (RCA)

When I f i r s t l i s t e n e d to th is a lbum I

must admit that i t made very l i t t l e

impress ion on me and I tended to d i s m i s s

as ye t another p i e c e of v i n y l . However , I

am rap id ly r e v i s i n g my op in i on after

l i s t e n i n g to it a coup le of more t i m e s .

A l l the songs on the album are wr i t ten

and sung by Ms Howe and a l l credi t to her

for put t ing down such marve l l ous l y r i c s .

She a l s o s i n g s them beaut i fu l l y and i ndeed

the album is very we j l p roduced .

She has a s t y l e that i s somewhat

ak in to that of C a r l y S imon a l though she

is p o s s i b l y not as powerfu l *a s inge r a s

M s S imon.

O f the ac tua l t r acks on the a lbum,

"Freedom Enough", "It Took My Breath

Away" and the t i t le t rack "Silent

Nature" are outs tand ing on s i d e one .

T h e f i rs t h a s a very ca t chy rythm and

Ms Howe s i n g s w i t h de l igh t and gay

abondon; her concer t p iano p l a y i n g

together w i t h P a u l K e o g h ' s e l e c t r i c

gui tar combine to g i ve a good ef fect in

match ing w i th her v o c a l s .

Her v o c a l ta lent are, however , not

rea l ly r e v e a l e d unt i l the t i t l e t rack i n

w h i c h she c o v e r s the f u l l range of cho rds .

T h e second s ide of the a lbum con t inues

i n the same p l e a s a n t ve in as s ide one

w i th "All The Music In Me" the bes t

t rack . A g a i n , a lot of rythm i s e x p r e s s e d

in th is tune and there i s a c r i s p , c l e a r

f lu te s o l o by P e t e r Z o r n . The rythm

changes and p i c k s up ha l f way through

the t rack — another f lu te so lo backed by

a fas t p e r c u s s i o n that t r a i l s of f at the end

of the t rack.

Whether Ms Howe w i l l get the

recogn i t i on she d e s e r v e s remains to be

seen w i t h C a p i t a l R a d i o ' s M ike A l l e n

p lugg ing her , she wou ld appear to be i n

wi th a c h a n c e . A n y w a y , I l i k e d the a lbum

and i f you are l ook ing for some easy

l i s t en i ng then th is album i s recommended.

Kool and The Gang - Love

and Understanding

(Polydor) K o o l and The Gang are a band that

have c o n s i s t e n t l y f a i l e d to impress me

w i th the i r s t y le of m u s i c . I t ' s not that I

don ' t l i k e the pa r t i cu la r m u s i c a l genre to

wh ich the i r m u s i c be longs . I t ' s jus t the

a w f u i j n e s s they make of the whole th ing .

O n the other hand th is c r i t i c i s m might

seem unfa i r s i n c e the apparent ly r ece i ve d

no m u s i c a l t ra in ing wha tsoever . A l l I

can say i s , tough bananas .

A n y w a y , on to the album i t se l f . It

k i c k s off w i t h the t i t l e t rack "Love and

Understanding" wh i ch desp i te i ts good

p i e c e s manages to be too long and

s l i gh t l y overbear ing —. i t ' s near ly ten

minutes l o n g . B u t , t y p i c a l l y of the band ,

the next t rack , "Sugar", i s a beau t i fu l

combina t ion of the band ls m u s i c a l

ta len t . T h e b a c k i n g v o c a l s by Tomor row 's

E d i t i o n and Something Sweet rea l l y set

off th i s t rack b e a u t i f u l l y . It a l s o con ta ins

a rather n i ce a l to sax so lo by D e n n i s

T h o m a s .

T h i s t rack i s f o l l owed by "Do It Right

Now", a b r a s s y sounding tune w h i c h i s

fo l l owed by a equa l l y cheap sound ing

t rack c a l l e d "Cosmic Energy". " C o s m i c

. E n e r g y " i s the sort of mus ic that C a p i t a l

RadTo 's G r e i g E d w a r d s de l i gh ts i n

p lay ing w i th a gusto that I a lways f ind

a b i t nausea t i ng .

T h e on ly t rack on s ide two - worth

m e n t i o n i n g i s "Summer Madness" w h i c h ,

as w i t h the t rack preced ing and that

f o l l o w i n g i t , was recorded l i ve at the

Ra inbow T h e a t r e . It i s a beau t i fu l l y

me lod i c tune t i nged w i t h a l igh t d e l i c a t e

p e r c u s s i o n . It features a good p i e c e of

arp p l a y i n g by R o n a l d B e l l . A l l in a l l ,

though, a rather d i sappo in t i ng album

from the G a n g . I l ook forward w i t h

an t i c i pa t i o n to a t ime when they rea l l y

get and produce an album worth l i s t e n i n g

to i n i t s en t i r i t y .

The Steve Gibbons Band - Any

Road Up (Polydor).

L e d by Steve G i b b o n s , a man the

pub l i c i t y bumph d e s c r i b e as a " p o e t ,

story te l l e r and th i rd generat ion r o c k ' n '

r o l l e r " , the Steve G i b b o n s Band are a

f i ve -p iece band who have been around

for about three yea rs now. T h e y p lay

what I c a n on ly d e s c r i b e a s a g r e s s i v e

rock but not in s u c h a way as to be

os ten ta t ions or g r o s s .

The c l e a r , p r e c i s e v o c a l s of G ibbons

is supoor ted by the twin l ead gu i tars o f

ex—Move man T r e v o r .JBIuxton and the

drums of B o b L a m b .

T h i s i s the band ' s f i rs t a lbum and

quite f rank ly for a debut a l bum , it is

a s t o n i s h i n g l y good . The a lbum moves

from a l l rock time "Take Me Home"

thorough a b a l l a d type rock "Johnny

Cqpl" to the more c o n v e n t i o n a l , s l i gh t l y

commerc ia l tune "Spark of Love".

They are a band w i th o r i g i na l i t y and

s ty le of the i r own . The bes t compar ison

one c o u l d make wou ld be to say that

m u s i c a l l y , they were somewhere between

the Who and B a d Company . T h e y are not

as loud and heavy as B a d Company but

tend, in my o p i n i o n , have to the Who

al though in the same m u s i c a l s t y l e . It i s

in te res t ing to note that the a lbum i s

re leased on Roger D a l t r ey ' s G o l d h a w k e

L a b e l .

Ye t desp i te the in f luence that the

Who might exert on them, the i nd i v i dua l i t y

of the band s t i l l ho lds f irm and sh ines

through in the pe rsona l i t y of Steve

G i b b o n s .

I s h a l l go on about how good the

t racks on s ide two are because that wou ld

take pages and pages — i f you want to

enjoy some b loody good m u s i c don' t jus t

s i t there are read t h i s , go out and buy the

album now and d i s c o v e r for you rse l f the

new phenomenon in rock known as the

Steve G ibbons B a n d . p M J L E K P E N Y O N G

C A R P E N T E R S : ' T h e r e ' s a K i n d of Hush*

( A & M R e c o r d s A M L K 64581)

T h e r e ' s a rumour going around record

company c i r c l e s that the p ro f i t s on the

Carpen te rs ' records pay for A & M ' s

ent i re U K opera t ions . True or f a l s e , the

Carpen te rs s t i l l s e l l a lot of records and

no doubt their new album w i l l prove to

be no e x c e p t i o n .

Y e s g i r l s and boys you can get your

h a n k i e s out , the Carpen te rs are i n town

aga in w i th a soppy sent imenta l and

romant ic a lbum that mummy d e f i n i t e l y ,

would approve of.

The Ca rpen te r s , whose mode of

unpretent ious Middle of the Road mus i c

appea ls to a l l and sundry , have produced

another f ine effort that exudes beaut i fu l

harmon ies , exce l l en t o rches t ra t ion and

arrangement (by R i c h a r d Carpenter") and

al l - round t echn i ca l pe r fec t i on . ' H u s h '

i s c e r t a i n not to d i sappo in t many, yet

compared to some of thei r p rev ious

ef for ts , notab ly ' N o w and T h e n ' , the

album l a c k s some of that cha r i sma that

I've come to expec t from R i c h a r d and

K a r e n .

In short ' H u s h ' is l i k e l y to appea l to

an a v i d Carpen te rs fan who al ready has

many of the d u o ' s part o f fe r ings , whereas

the newcomer wou ld be bes t a d v i s e d to

purchase one of the Ca rpen te r s ' p rev ious

o f fe r ings .

One point that does bug me wi th

' H u s h ' i s why the Carpen te rs don ' t

song more o f the i r own c o m p o s i t i o n s .

Out of the ten songs on the a lbum only

three, 7 Need to be in Love, Sandy, and

/ Have You are penned by R i c h a r d

Carpen te r and l y r i c i s t John B e t t i s .

Y e t the Carpente rs e x c e l much more on

their own mater ia l than they do on other

p e o p l e s . A n d they don ' t make bad

ve rs ions of the latter! F o r star ters you

have a s p l e n d i d rework ing of N e i l

S e d a k a ' s Breaking Up is Hard to do in a

happy 50 ' s rend i t ion set aga ins t a

marve l lous st r ing arrangement . J a c k i e

De Shannon ' s Boat to Sail and Randy

E d e l m a n ' s Y.ou a ren ' t far beh ind e i ther !

In a l l then a rather moody, somet imes

p e n s i v e , album that won' t d i sappo in t ,

but i s more for Carpen te rs fans than

newcomers to the i r wo r ld .

C L I V E D E W E Y

Cinema " S A T U R D A Y N I G H T A T T H E B A T H S " ,

d i rec ted by D a v i d B u c k l e y ; s tarr ing

Rober t Abe rdeen , E l l e n Sheppard and

Don Scot t i .

W H A T E V E R T H E o r i g i na l in ten t ions were

wi th regard to the mak ing of th is f i l m ,

the end resu l t i s a badly made soft core

porno. Y o u know, the sort of porn , • l i ke

L a s t T a n g o in P a r i s or Emmanue l le where

the deep s i g n i f i c a n c e of what is t ry ing

to be s a i d i s submerged by techn ica l

meander ings and hazy and unnecessary

d i ve rs ionary s ide p lo ts of very l i t t le

v a l u e .

M i c h a e l (Rober t Aberdeen) i s an out

of work p ian i s t who even tua l l y f i nds a

job in c lub run for homosexua ls and

l e s b i a n s . Sco t t i (Don Scot t i ) i s the

compere at the c l u b and n e e d l e s s to say ,

i s a homosexua l and T r a c y ( E l l e n

Sheppard) i s M i c h a e l ' s photographer

g i r l f r i end . .

O n h i s open ing n ight , M i c h a e l re fuses

to a l l o w T r a c y to at tend the show. When

the show is f i na l l y over he goes out for

a s t ro l l w i th Scot t i and hey pres to , they

are i n bed mak ing iove — the way in

wh ich the whole thing is p resen ted

suf fers from the f l ippant at t i tude of "I

to ld you so (re homosexua l t endenc ies ) ,

d idn ' t I".

He then goes to meet h i s g i r l f r iend

at her s tudio ' and in not so many words

she f i nds out that he made i t w i th S c o t t i .

J u s t at the point when one wou ld

expect the story to rea l l y begin to

deve lop it s t ops . I t 's f i n i shed . The

di rector has f i n a l l y exhaus ted h imse l f

after 90 minu tes .

If Mr B u c k l e y was try ing to te l l us

how h y p o c r i t i c a l about sex peop le a re ,

even the se l f p roc la imed l i b e r a l s , then

it w a s not h i s faul t that the message

seeped through. A n y w a y , do we not know

th is a l ready? Surely the fu l l import o f a

guy mak ing love to h i s g i r l f r iend and

then to a homosexua l i s that he can love

both the male and female of h is s p e c i e s .

T h i s ted ious f i lm has on ly one

moment of spark le in i t . Tha t i s when

the " s t r a i g h t s " meet the " g a y s " i n a

footba l l match (Amer ican f oo tba l l , of

course ! ) I s h a l l l eave the game to

your imag ina t ion .

P A U L E K P E N Y O N G

FELIX 1

STOIC: Review of the year's activities I A M J U S T A S W E E T t ransves t i t e from

T r a n s e x u a l T r a n s y l v a n i a . So sang T i m

Curry i n a c l i p from the "Rocky Horror

Show" w h i c h opened the f i rs t 'Film Talk'

of the s e s s i o n . T h i s was the f i rs t

programme i n the s e r i e s to be recorded i n

the near b roadcast qua l i t y s tud ios of the

I L E A ' S E d u c a t i o n a l T e l e v i s o n C e n t r e .

Nex t came D i r k Boga rde . H e was i n thee

country to promote h is la tes t f i lm

'Permission to Kill' and as w e l l as

appear ing on S T O I C , he was in te rv iewed

by C a p i t a l and R u s s e l Har t y .

H a v i n g recorded the in te rv iew , c l i p s

from h i s many f i lms had to be acqu i r ed .

T h e r e i n lay a prob lem. If you want a c l i p

f rom a f i lm wh ich i s no longer on re lease

you have to pay £270 for each minute

of f i lm used to the K inematograph

R e n t e r ' s Soc ie t y , a body w h i c h l ooks af ter

the i n te res ts of the d is t r i bu to rs . Fur ther

i nves t i ga t i on revea led that i f your

programme i s indust ry approved you

don' t have to pay any th ing . F i l m T a l k i s

now an industry approved programme.

N e x t , T e r r y - T h o m a s , who had come from

I b i z a to premote 'Spanish Fly'. Severa l

c r i t i c s vehement ly e x p r e s s e d thei r doubts

as to the qua l i t y of th is f i lm . T h i s

Theatre

When the new Na t i ona l Theat re

bu i l d ing was be ing p lanned it was

d e c i d e d that b e s i d e s the two conven t i ona l

aud i to r ia there shou ld be s s m a l l s tud io

theate w i th f l ex ib le sea t i ng ar rangements ,

to be known as the C o t t e s l o e . B e c a u s e

the C o t t e s l o e i s not yet ready, the

N a t i o n a l Theat re Company has taken

over the Y o u n g V i c , in the cu t by

Water loo S ta t ion , for a s e a s o n l a s t i n g

through the summer. T h e f i rs t p roduc t ion ,

Shakespea re ' s Troilus and Cressida

opened l as t week and runs un t i l Ju l y

22nd in repertory.

Troilus and Cressida was wr i t ten at

about the same time as Hamle t and th is

product ion con ta ins many of the fam i l i a r

f aces from the N a t i o n a l ' s " A l b e r t

F i n n e y " Hamlet, thus he lp ing those of

us who de l i gh t in spot t ing the parts that

Shakespeare wrote for the same ac tor ;

for example F e s t e , T o u c h s t o n e and the

Por te r i n Macbeth, or here , P o l o n i u s

Agamemnon, O s r i c and A j e x .

The aud ience i s g ree ted , on a m v a l , by

an impos ing c i r c u s r ing sur rounded by a

four foot h igh w a l l and su r faced w i th

neat ly raked damp sawdus t . A t one

moment I was almost sorry that the

des igner had forgotten the l ion tamer ' s

c a g e , a l though the sma l l space ensured

that the bat t les never got out of hand .

Instead of L i be r t y H o r s e s and per forming

s e a l s we have a lot of ve rba l c l a w i n g ,

some w a i l i n g and a bit of s u l k i n g before

the long p lay reaches it c l i m a x in the

f ight between Hec to r and A c h i l l i e s ,

a ided by h i s hymidons , unp leasan t

l ook ing men wi th masks and a var ie ty of

nasty w e a p o n s , who d i s p a t c h Hec to r i n

a number of w a y s .

The p lay is the only one that S h a k e s ­

peare wrote about the G r e e k s (un less

you i nc l ude A Midsummer Night's Dream)

and takes p lace dur ing the s i ege of

T roy . Whi ls t the t i t t le might suggest a

momenta! love match in the s t y l e of

in te rv iew took p lace in December and

the s tud io was f r eez ing . Te r r y -Thomas

s t rengthened h is cof fee w i th the contents

of h i s brandy f l a s k .

Another s tar of Span ish F l y , L e s l i e

P h i l l i p s was in te rv iewed at the C o l l e g e

shor t ly af ter . He was making a f i lm

c a l l e d 'Not now comrade' ou ts ide the

A lber t H a l l .

In the las t lunchbreak of the Spr ing

Term Barry Humphr ies made a second

v i s i t to the T V Stud io . T h i s t ime,

i ns tead of the ub iqu i tous A u s t r a l i a n

Housew i fe Dame E d n a E v e r a g e , we

we lcomed the man h imse l f . A t the t ime

Dame E d n a w a s , and s t i l l : i s s tar r ing in

" H o u s e w i f e S u p e r s t a r " i n the West E n d .

T h i s programme w h i c h was t ransmi t ted

l i ve was the las t to be made i n Room

306, E l e c E n g , the home of the T V s tud io

s i n c e i t s i ncep t i on near ly 7 years ago .

T h e studio i s now be ing rebu i l t in Room

208.

Apar t f rom ' F i l m T a l k ' th i s y e a r ' s

other main product ions have been week l y

ed i t i ons o f 'LUNCHBREAK' our w e e k l y

magaz ine programme. M ichae l W i l l i a m s '

p resence as anchor man lent the

programme authori ty w i t h i n the C o l l e g e

Troilus Cressida at the Young Vic

Romeo and Juliet the plot conce rns

more, at leas t i n th is p roduc t ion , the

cha l l enge of Hector to the G r e e k s ,

taken up by A j a x wh i l s t A c h i l l e s i s

su l k ing in h i s tent w i th h i s boy f r iend

P a t r o c l u s . The re i s a wea l th of minor

cha rac te rs , not least amongst whom

are T r o i l u s , a son of P r i a m , K i n g of

T r o y , who l o v e s C r e s s i d a , at a d i s t a n c e ,

and C r e s s i d a , who th inks it might be fun

to encourage h i m . Af te r the i r night of

buss i t i s announced that, in an exchange

w i t h the G r e e k s , C r e s s i d a w i l l be

handed over to be wi th her father,

C a l c h a s . w h o h a s d e f e c t e d . She immedia te ly

turns her at tent ions to D i o n e d e s the

Greek commander who c a r r i e s out the

exchange ; unfor tunately T o i l u s sees

these advances and the two su i to rs

meet in ba t t le ; what happened next I

found it hard to d i s c e r n !

Robert E d d i s o n p l a y s , the engaging

Pandarus matchmaker between T r o i l u s

and C r e s s i d a , h i s n i e c e . In a de l i gh t f u l

scene he po in ts out to her the heroes as

they pass by in p r o c e s s i o n . T h e r s i t e s

c o u l d be s a i d to be the Touchs tone of the

p l a y ; P h i l i p Stone draws a f ine portra i t

of th is j o l l y tapster , cu t t i ng h is teeth on

some f ine w i t w i th A c h i l l e s and A j a x .

Y o u wou ld be w e l l a d v i s e d to read

up your A e n e i d before you go; a p laygoer

near me had to have the p lo t e x p l a i n e d

in loud w h i s p e r s . Fo r tuna te l y the

cos tumes do d i s t i n g u i s h T r o j a n from

Greek but it i s he lp fu l to know w h o ' s

who beforehand as a P l e t h o r a of fam i l i a r

names p a s s before y o u . T h e programme

does g i ve a short legendary b iography of

the cha rac te rs . What marred the e v e n i n g

most was the la te a r r i va l of about f i f ty

peop le — the Y o u n g V i c i s nolr w e l l

des igned for the accommodat ion o f

la tecomers — p l e a s e ar r ive e a r l y .

T h e N a t i o n a l Student Drama F e s t i v a l

b r ings f i ve award w i n n i n g produc t ions to

the Roundhouse from 27Ju l y to 7 Augus t .

w h i c h i t had l a c k e d dur ing p rev ious

y e a r s . E d i t i o n s of note i nc lude our

coverage of rag week and a memorable

streak round the A lber t H a l l . The U n i o n

H u s t i n g s and E l e c t i o n s were cove red

l i v e w i t h cons ide rab le s u c c e s s . " D e s p i t e

t e c h n i c a l l i m i t a t i o n s , our coverage

doub led the number o f peop le w i t n e s s i n g

both e v e n t s . "

L U N C H B R E A K IS R E C O R D E D i s

every Wednesday e v e n i n g . One t e c h n i c a l

prob lem w h i c h confronted us las t year

was the l ack of ed i t i ng f a c i l i t i e s . F o r

examp le , when cut t ing from one item to

the next , the p ic tu re wou ld ro l l f u r i o u s l y

for about ten s e c o n d s . T h e C o l l e g e has

recent ly acqu i red ed i t i ng f a c i l i t i e s and

these w i l l improve the t e c h n i c a l qua l i t y

o f our p roduc t i ons , pa r t i cu la r i l y L U N C H !

B R E A K , c o n s i d e r a b l y . Programmes for

next year ; w e l l there w i l l be in te rv iews

w i th G l e n d a J a c k s o n , P e t e r C u s h i n g ,

M e l v i n F rank (d i rector of " A T o u c h of

C l a s s , " " D u c h e s s and Di r twater F o x " ) .

There w i l l a l s o be a documentary on the

mak ing of A T V ' s S P A C E 999 inc lud ing

in te rv iews w i th Gerry A n d e r s o n (of

' T h u n d e r b i r d s ' fame), Mar t in L a n d a u and

Barba ra B a i n i n her d ress ing room and a

look at the s p e c i a l e f f ec t s .

M A R K C A L D W E L L

A t l a s t I s h a l l see G a s , L e e d s U n i v e r s i t y ' s

product ion w h i c h was so h i gh l y p r a i s e d

in Ed inburgh in A p r i l . T h e other p roduc t ions

to be seen are Carp d'Etat ( K e e l e ) ,

G a l a t e a (St Andrews) , The Key ( R o s e

Bruford) and England October 30th

1975 (Cent ra l Schoo l o f A r t and D e s i g n ) .

T H O M A S S T E V E N S O N

Continued from page 3

IF Only... H e w a s now angry because no one had

to ld h im that everyone was j o i n ing up._He

too was keen to j o i n so that he c o u l d

take advantage of the Honey H i l l s and

Ice-cream m i n e s . A l i c e s a i d he c o u l d

j o i n the c l u b .

A l i c e then came out o f the wood and

sudden ly r e a l i s e d that everyone had

forgotten about the dreadfu l songs they

must put up wi th in the E E C . A l i c e ,

however , a great l ove r of E E C M and S

crus ty l oaves mused that a ha l f baked

song i s better than no bread at a l l .

Which j us t goes to show that Marks and

Spencer are expand ing a l l over the

con t inen t .

In ac tua l fact everyone l i v e d in comple te

E E C harmony a ter P a t r i c k Moore had

inven ted the an t i -eu ro -sc reech-ea r -p lugs .

H U M T

FARNBOROUGH 76

INTERNATIONAL AIR SHOtf,

If y o u are go ing to Farnborough

Sept 10th, I l t h , 12th — be sure to

v i s i t the E u r o a v i a s t and , Nor th H a l l

A . 15. Say hi to the I C s tudents who

w i l l be running the s tand .

Or ienteer ing

» o r t

C r o s s Country

Wet going O N A W E T mise rab le summers

day l a s t Saturday, f i ve I C

post -graduate c r o s s country

runners descended on H a m w e l l

to see the soggy remains of a

c a r n i v a l p r o c e s s i o n p a s s by .

Someone qu ie t l y b l e w a

w h i s t l e w h i c h s tar ted the

H a n w e l l C a r n i v a l ' 5 ' , l e a v i n g

P e t e Johnson and A l a n L e a k e y

s tand ing cha t t i ng on the s ta r t ing

l i n e . Down to the c a n a l ,

m ind ing the r ight angle bend

onto a three foot w ide br idge

w i t h no handra i l s over a

backwa te r , a long the tow

pa th , pas t some rea l l y fou l

s m e l l i n g factory fumes w h i c h

wou ld have brought tears to

M o o n e y ' s eyes had he been

running th is t ime, up over s i x

l o c k gates to a main road w i t h

a l l that beaut i fu l ca rbon

monoxide w h i c h makes running

so en joyab le , back down to the

c a n a l , pas t ' S o u t h s i d e ' aga in

and up to the f i n i s h ; a good

f ive m i l e s ! Rob A l l i n s o n as

a l w a y s was f i r s t home i n

4th p l a c e in a very good t ime

of 24 .41 . Steve Webb running

" a b l i n d e r " was 8 th , not qu i te

b reak ing the 5 minute m i le

barr ier w i th 25.08. P a u l

C l a r k e jus t recover ing from

injury was 38th i n 27 .30 .

P e t e Johnso n jus t broke the

s i x minute m i le barr ier w i t h

29.18 for 58th p l a c e c l o s e l y

f o l l owed by A l a n L e a k e y 30.38

i n 65th p l a c e . The team was a

ve ry c red i t ab le 4 th , j us t

m i s s i n g medals by 10 point 's.

It w a s fe l t that some L o n d o n

P r i d e w a s needed to se t t l e

our s tomachs — so the Dove

was v i s i t e d a f te rwards. If you

have a th i rs t and need some

e x e r c i s e there i s the Horsham

10 fo l l owed by the K i n g and

B a r n e s 10 in the even ing on

J u l y 19th; see our U n i o n

no t i ce board for d e t a i l s .

Stop P r e s s

I C ' s D a v e West won the 400

metre hu rd les in the Southern

Champ ions h ip s l a s t Saturday

at C r y s t a l P a l a c e in the very

fas t t ime of 52 .5 s e c . T h e

weekend before he was 4th

in the O l y m p i c T r i a l s for the

same event .

Control 9 takes

its toll O N S U N D A Y a s m a l l party of

three t r a v e l l e d to Thorndon P a r k ,

near B ren twood to take part in

a re lay o rgan i sed by Have r i ng

Or ien tee r ing C l u b (usua l l y

referred to as H A V O C ) .

T r a d i t i o n a l l y , re lay teams

competeunder s i l l y pseudonyms ,

and IC have taken th is one

stage further by enter ing the

i n d i v i d u a l members of the teams

in a s i m i l a r manner. Thus the

E m p i r i c a l Ove rshoo te rs team

aga in featured s u c h s tars as

R B r a u n s c h u l t z and L K S e l t z e r .

Un fo r tuna te ly no-one c o u l d

th ink up a name w h i c h , in th is

c l e a n fami ly sport , was su i t ab le

for A l a n L e a k e y ; he thus ran

under h i s own name, w h i c h

was c o n s i d e r e d to be s i l l y

enough anyway .

The nav iga t i on was not

unduly c o m p l i c a t e d , a good

network o f pa ths , a l l o w i n g one

to f o l l ow ones progress on the

map by running a long a path

and coun t ing the number of

other pa ths w h i c h one c r o s s e s .

T h i s c a u s e d problems for R o b

A l l i n s o n , who is incapab le of

count ing h igher than three

wh i l e runn ing . A s a resu l t he

spent some time l ook ing for

cont ro l s e v e n about 150

metres too far to the north before

r e a l i s i n g h i s m i s t a k e . Some

areas of the woods were

cove red i n knee-deep ferns and

b r a c k e n , w h i c h o w i n g to the

morning ra in were abso lu te l y

sa tu ra ted : Con t ro l n ine , in a

s m a l l d e p r e s s i o n in one o f

these a reas , w a s par t i cu la r l y

d i f f i cu l t to f i nd , and A l a n

L e a k e y los t near ly 10 minutes

f ind ing t h i s con t ro l . The other

team members were more

fortunate here , R o b A l l i n s o n

f a l l i ng into the d e p r e s s i o n

wh i le - wander ing a i m l e s s l y

through the b racken , and Ian

Isherwood, o n s e e i n g another

or ienteer apparent ly r i s i n g

v e r t i c a l l y out of the ground,

co r rec t l y deduced that th i s

person must have been v i s i t i n g

the c o n t r o l .

The I C team even tua l l y

f i n i s he d *5th out o f about 20

teams in the C l a s s ' A ' re lay .

R o b A l l i n s o n brought them in

6th on the f i rs t l e g w i t h a

time o f about 39 mins for h i s

5km c o u r s e ; 5 minutes down on

the l e a d e r s . S tead i l y improv ing

Ian Isherwood p u l l e d the

team up to 5th, w i th a t ime of

around 50 m ins . A l a n L e a k e y

s tar ted off w e l l , and had

moved up to 3rd at one po in t ,

but unfor tunate ly los t both

these p l a c e s at con t ro l 9.

He even tua l l y f i n i s h e d wi th a

t ime of 44 m i n s , on ly a few

yards beh ind the 4th p laced

team.

Hullo dere brudders an' \ As you all knows, dis is

sisters'. Dis is yore Fehcks am Last Felicks wot

(3HC

(nates de great

oration to de

peeptes ofc> de

Imperial College

... Like de filliri-up

ob de êëìíî Wid ïðspoofs ñòó cause ïðô õ ö ÷ ø ù ú û ü ý ú ûþ ÿ�����ïð ������� ...

e d i t o r speakm' -from d e

editorial harem in de

print'm' palace . •.

ah is edit/'n', an' is am

ah-deal occosbun to revoo

moh 3 real accomplishments •'•

:•• Like de p h a s i n ' o u t o b de

s e.y<j discriminasbun b y de

removal ob de P a g e 3 birds

i v i d d e big tits woe de

Mike WiLlums begun...

... Like de encourogemint

obde free think inde

originolitij an'

creabiveness inde

sp^iLin'...

... but espesbaU-ij de

maintenance ob dc

Worl' - famous

Q remstralincj cartoon.

... cos widdout de BremstroUnc

an' Kwork, jouse dam'

buggers Wouidna ei/eo

Look at de Fei/cks (