how you can be the man a woman needs - expert dating ......you can love her more than any other man...

All Rights Reserved © 2008 MeetYourSweet.com

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How YOU Can Be the Man A Woman Needs

www.meetyoursweet.com


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All Rights ReservedCopyright © 2008 MeetYourSweet.com

The information contained in this book is provided ‘as is’ without warranty of any kind. The entire risk as to the results and the performance of the information is assumed by the user, and in no event shall MeetYourSweet.com be liable for any consequential, incidental or

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Why Women Still Need Men . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4

All a Woman Wants is To Be Loved . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5

Challenge Her on It . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7

Why She Won’t Commit . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8

How to Keep a Relationship Strong . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10

Women Still Want to Be Swept Off Their Feet . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 14

Getting From That First Date to Soul Mates . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15

CONTENTS



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Special Report:

How YOU Can Be the ManA Woman Needs

Kerry didn’t know why he couldn’t get a girlfriend.

“I thought that girls were supposed to want commitment. Why do the ones I always meet seem to be more interested in doing their own thing? It’s like dating is outdated. It’s easier to hook up with someone than pin them down into a relationship.”

Call him old-fashioned, but Kerry wasn’t about to budge on his belief that dating was courtship, and courtship was for the purpose of finding a mate.

Kerry’s not the only guy out there who can’t find someone to commit to. Despite the ste-reotype of women as the more commitment-hungry of the genders, an entire generation of women have grown up watching Sex and the City and believing that a woman’s worth lies in her Manolo Blahniks. These women dream of a high-fashion, high-energy, and high-fly-ing lifestyle. Tying on an apron and playing house with a hubbie just isn’t in their plans.

So are modern women literally writing men out of their life plans? Are guys like Kerry stuck with being single?

Why Women Still Need Men

Here are the facts. Once upon a time, women needed men. The division of labor into “breadwinner” and “homemaker” seemed logical, because the bread had to be won by somebody, and the cooking and cleaning weren’t just going to happen by themselves. The husband-and-wife unit was the most efficient and effective means of survival.

Then, time-saving devices like the washing machine, dishwasher, and microwave came along. Suddenly, household chores were no longer a fulltime job. Women had the time, energy, and initiative to enter the workforce, and they did so with gusto. Young women found themselves deferring marriage for longer and longer as they prioritized college de-grees and promotions over the search for a mate.

You know how the story ends. Women today don’t “need” men to survive. A single wom-an can live quite happily on her own, enjoying such perks as a large “extended family” of friends, sexual relationships, and a hefty disposable income, without ever aligning her destiny to a man’s. She can even raise a child without male help, now that options like



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adoption and in vitro fertilization are increasingly acceptable and affordable. (I explain how these social and cultural trends specifically affect commitment in my course, From First Dates to Soul Mates).

So what possible incentive could there be to motivate a woman to marry? What incentive do men have, for that matter?

The answer is simple….

We want to be loved.

All a Woman Wants is To Be Loved

There’s a lot of talk these days about how complicated women are and how simple men are. Don’t believe a word of it. Women aren’t that complicated. Women just want one thing: to be loved.

Compliments? Check. Hugs and kisses? Check. Quality time together? Check.

There is one “complicated” bit about this, though. Women need more than a man’s com-pliments or shows of affection to feel loved. Women need to love themselves before they can truly accept another person’s love.

A woman who does not love herself – on a deep, profound level – will be unable to re-ceive the love you have to give her.

It’s crazy to think that her self-esteem is so central to the issue of whether you love her enough. I mean, come on! How she feels about herself has NOTHING to do with how you feel about her … does it?

Let me tell you a story.

Del met Maggie online dating, and sparks flew from their very first date. Within weeks they were shacked up together, and Del thought that he’d met the woman he wanted to marry.

Except for one small problem….

Maggie was insecure.

The first time she flew in a rage at him for smiling at a waitress should have been a clue.



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She always wanted to know who had texted him when his cellphone went off, and if it was a woman she demanded to read the message. She didn’t like him having any female friends.

At first, it was flattering. Maggie was incredibly attractive, and to have a woman like her acting possessively of HIM was a dream come true for Del. He indulged her jealous tan-trums and told her again and again that she was the only woman for him.

Then, things got worse. Maggie lost her job. She sat around their apartment all day watching television. She would often scream that she was ugly and fat and no one would ever want to hire her. But then sometimes, out of the blue, she’d welcome him home with a gourmet, lovingly-prepared meal and candles, and tell him about her latest plan to start her own business. It made up for the bad times … kind of.

Maggie became convinced that Del was cheating on her with one of his co-workers. She’d call him several times a day at work, to the point that his boss said something to him about cutting down on his personal calls. She would refuse to talk to him when he came home and go through his cellphone messages when he wasn’t looking.

Del couldn’t understand how a woman that he loved so much could ever doubt his love for her. From the beginning of their relationship, he’d done everything he could to reas-sure her of his love. He’d never once looked at another woman with lust, because she was the woman he wanted to be with. What more could he do to prove his love for her? It was like there was a wall between them that not even his love could penetrate…

…And that “wall” was her own self-hatred.

When you don’t love yourself, you cannot believe that anyone else could possibly love you . You look at all your faults and feel disgusted at the person you’ve become. Every time your lover tells you that they love you, you think that they’re “just saying” it. You tell yourself that they wouldn’t love you if they knew who you really were on the inside.

Your feelings of disgust towards yourself build and build until they explode in a rage di-rected at your lover. You know that your lover has nothing to do with how you feel, but you’ve just got so much frustration and resentment bottled up inside that you have to let it out on someone. Your lover just happens to be the closest person around.

Del had brought so much light and love into Maggie’s life that she couldn’t cope. She had to turn him into something dark in order to express the darkness inside herself. No matter how many compliments he gave her, a part of her deep inside kept saying that he had no idea what it took to be attractive; he was just saying that because he thought that’s what she wanted to hear.



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So let me spell out what this means for you…

No matter how much you tell a woman you love her, no matter how many times you tell her how pretty she is, no matter how grand your gestures of love … she will only believe that you love her as much as she loves herself.

An insecure woman will never feel secure in your love for her, no matter how faithful and devoted you are. She will need greater self-esteem before she will be able to trust herself to believe in your feelings towards her.

So what are YOU supposed to do? Say “goodbye” until she can get her stuff together? Pack her off to a counselor? Keep reassuring her the best you can?

I have another option.

Challenge Her on It

If your woman, like Del’s, keeps brushing off your compliments and reassurances like they were coming from a two-year-old, then you need to say something. For example…

“I don’t feel respected when you don’t believe that I love you.”

“I feel like you don’t listen to me when I tell you that how beautiful you are.”

“You have certain beliefs about yourself that are interfering in our relationship, and I don’t want to keep hearing you talk badly about yourself.”

To be fair, she probably doesn’t realize that it hurts you to listen to her beating up on her-self. And your reassurances won’t help. You can reassure her until you’re blue in the face that she is NOT fat, ugly, and unlovable, but she will keep on believing it until she has a powerful reason to stop.

Your relationship is that powerful reason.

It may take something as shocking as saying, “Your insecurity is destroying our relation-ship,” or, “I can’t stay with a woman who won’t let me love her,” until she realizes what she’s doing. It won’t happen overnight. The cultural programming that makes women feel insecure about their appearance and lovability is powerful, and it will take repeated mes-sages over a long period of time before she stops thinking self-defeating thoughts.



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But it’s the only way out, if you want to stay with her. Your future with a woman depends on her ability to receive the love that you have to give her. You can love her more than any other man has ever loved her, but until she can receive that love, it will bounce off her as if off from an impenetrable wall.

(It can be devastating to realize that your love isn’t getting through to the one you love. That’s why, in my course, I include Motivation Tips to keep you trying in your relationship, even when you’re thinking of giving up.)

Why She Won’t Commit

Alex dated his girlfriend for eleven years. He asked her to marry him multiple times. Each time, she turned him down.

What Alex couldn’t get was that everyone said they were perfect together. They got along; they had a great time together! They were happy. He knew she was right for him and he was right for her. So why wouldn’t she say yes?

First things first: we need to establish a few principles of human relationships.

Principle #1 . The view from inside YOUR head is NOT the view from inside HER head .

Things look very different to her as compared to you. You can’t begin to imagine what goes on inside a woman’s head, but, then again, she can’t begin to imagine what’s going on inside yours! The only way your two worlds can meet is by LISTENING. Listen to one another. Try to really get what she is saying. Don’t assume that she thinks the same way you do; instead, ask her what she thinks and really listen to the answer. The more you listen, the more she’ll love you.

Principle #2 . Waiting doesn’t change things, but talking can .

You can keep holding out as long as you want in hopes that a girl will change her mind, but time is not on your side. The longer you pretend that “nothing’s wrong,” the bigger and scarier its shadow will grow. Open your mouth and exercise your vocal cords instead. If you don’t understand something, ask her about it and try to see it from her point of view. She doesn’t see the world the same way you do, remember. Talk it out.



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Principle #3 . Everyone is on their own journey .

Sometimes, those journeys intersect for a brief while, while other times they run parallel for decades. You never know which direc-tion your journey is going to take. Sometimes it will bring you closer together, while other times it will take you further apart. You cannot blame her if her journey takes her away from you. She is doing the best with what she knows, just as you’re doing the best with what you know. What is important is that both of you live life fully, without hesitation or holding back. Don’t fear making a mistake! You will learn more from your mistakes than from your successes.

So, with those principles in mind, let’s look back at Alex and Lisa.

Alex was Lisa’s first boyfriend. They’d been together since high school and had gone to the same university. All of Lisa’s girlfriends had great fun in the dating scene, meeting boys at parties and dishing every detail. It was a scene that Lisa would only ever know about sec-ond-hand. As much as she loved Alex, a tiny part of her resented him for denying her this side of the college experience. There was a big, bright, beautiful world of singles out there that she might never see because she’d always been coupled up.

From Alex’s perspective, he didn’t need to search for anyone else once he had Lisa. He’d grown up in a strong nuclear family, where his mother and father were clearly devoted. Loyalty came naturally to him.

Adding to the pressure on their relationship were family expectations. They’d been togeth-er for so long that both of their families clearly expected that they’d marry. Lisa was al-ready treated as a daughter-in-law by Alex’s parents. She knew that it would destroy them, let alone Alex, if she broke off the relationship.

Lisa felt trapped … and feeling trapped is never a good thing for a relationship.

Think back to when you were a little kid. Remember how you felt when your mother told you that you couldn’t do something? It made you want to do it more, right?

The same principle still applies to adults. If we’re restricted, the forbidden territory be-comes even more enticing.

Lisa knew that she was happy with Alex, but the simple fact that she couldn’t explore the unknown territory of dating made her chafe at the restraints of coupledom. Yes, she was happy, but what else was out there? Was this as good as it got? Just look at all the fun her girlfriends were having!!



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Until Lisa found out for herself, she’d never be happy settling down with Alex.

If your girlfriend/wife feels trapped in your relationship, consider it a warning sign. She’s chafing against restraint, and that will only make the lure of the unknown even stronger.

Here’s a quick example. A client of mine had been married for twenty-three years. Her husband was inattentive and focused on his daily routine: work, home, dinner, television, bed. She wanted more out of life and was tired of the same old thing, but her husband didn’t take her yearnings seriously. So she started going to the gym on her own. There, she met a young and handsome personal trainer. She soaked up his compliments and flir-tatious comments like a garden after a long drought. When she wrote to me, she was pre-paring to leave her husband for this man … even though her trainer had never indicated that he thought of her as more than a client.

Women get bored in relationships, just like men do. They want to know what else is out there. They wonder if something is missing.

If you let things go on as they have been going, you’ll lose your partner just like that.

How to Keep a Relationship Strong

Alex needed to see that Lisa was changing. Their relationship was like an old pair of jeans that she’d grown out of. Had Alex realized what was happening, he could have let Lisa find her freedom within the safe arms of his love. He could have started “dating” her as if they’d never met and rediscovered one another all over again. Instead, her new attitudes and interests threatened him. He wanted the old Lisa back … but she was gone forever.

Life is a one-way journey. You can’t get an old relationship back. But what you CAN do is move forward in the same direction and create something new that’s even better than what you had before.

Here’s what Alex should have done to keep his relationship together.

Principle #1 . The view from inside YOUR head is NOT the view from inside HER head .

Alex didn’t want to see that her girlfriend was changing. Instead of listening to her when she expressed frustration with their relationship, he tried to convince her that her feelings weren’t valid. He told her that everyone doubts their relationship from time to time, and, besides, everyone else thought that they were perfect together.



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But that was the view from inside Alex’s head. The view from inside Lisa’s head was very different.

You have to listen to your partner when they express frustrations, doubts, or unhappiness with your relationship. You have to rein back your urge to correct them or convince them otherwise. Instead, LISTEN.

Listening is golden. Women need to express their feelings, even if those feelings are dif-ficult ones. They will love the man who can is able to make them feel heard and under-stood. That’s why I lay down a step-by-step method for dealing with difficult feelings and talking about hard stuff in my book, From First Dates to Soul Mates.

As hard as it may be, try to see the world from her point of view, and respect her right to see the world differently from you. It’s more important to understand her than to convince her that you’re right. Being right won’t make anyone happy; it will just make her feel pow-erless.

But don’t wait until things get bad to talk to your partner. You need to periodically take time to reconnect with her.

Sometimes, women can feel as if they’re invisible, as if they could disappear and their husband would never notice. Take the time to notice your partner. Really see her. If you notice that she’s in a particularly happy/pensive/sad mood, ask her about it. Listen to her feelings. Ask her if there’s anything you could do. Give her a hug and just hold her for a bit.

When she knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that you’re there for her to talk about any-thing, she will open up to you and tell you what she needs from you. She won’t feel afraid of talking to you about her doubts and fears. If you can do that, you’ll have all the infor-mation you need to fulfill her every fantasy.

Principle #2 . Waiting doesn’t change things, but talking can .

When we’ve got a good thing going, we don’t like changing it. Why take the chance of messing it up?

Here’s why: if you coast along in your relationship, things will get boring pretty fast. Petty annoyances will build up into major arguments. The grass is going to start looking a lot greener on the other side.Time is not on your side. The longer a woman has been with you, the more she knows about you and the more reality is going to set in. You’re not perfect. Heck, SHE isn’t per-fect!



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You can both probably think of a dozen times you’ve fought about something stupid in the past month. Those “stupid arguments” may have been stupid, but they’re still arguments. Every argument she has with you is one check in the “Reasons to Leave” column.

A lot of guys don’t realize this. They think that the fact that they’ve managed to stick with one woman for, say, a year, is a point in their favor. They don’t think that the old saying, “Familiarity breeds contempt,” should apply in their case.

Let me lay it out for you. The longer you’re together, the more you get stuck in your com-fort zone. The more you get stuck in a comfort zone, the more boring, mindless, and ha-bitual every aspect of your relationship will be.

Do you do the same things every weekend? Do you go through the same routine when you get back from work every night? Do you find yourselves having the same conversa-tions over and over again?

If so, then be warned. Your relationship needs some new life injected in it; otherwise, it will fossilize into a skeletal lump that she’ll take one look at and throw away.

Relationships need some routine. Habit is a sign of feeling secure within a relationship. But the problem comes when a relationship is built entirely of habitual, routine activities … when you do the same thing night after night, go to the same places, and socialize with the same people.

Personally, I avoid those kinds of relationships like the plague. It would be like a prison sentence to commit to someone whose life, no doubt, will be in the same in ten years as it is today. There’s way too much life yet to be lived!

So don’t get stuck in your comfort zone, and don’t wait out a problem in the hope that time will fix it for you. You’ve got to be proactive in creating the kind of relationship that BOTH of you want to stay in. Talk things out. Try something new that’s outside of your comfort zone. Communicate. Talking can truly create miracles.

Principle #3 . Everyone is on their own journey .

Your partner has a lot more going on in her life than just her relationship with you. Since she was a little girl, she’s had dreams about what she wanted her life to look like. She’s absorbed messages from society and her parents about what she should do with her life. She’s also caught up in a battle with herself about what she should look like and who she should be.



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You are not the center of your partner’s universe, and I certainly hope that she’s not the center of yours.

Talk to any life coach, and they’ll tell you that a healthy life stands on four strong pil-lars: work, relationships, health, and recreation. Each of these pillars needs to be strong if you’re going to have a well-balanced life. But if just one of these pillars is compromised, it will affect the others.

For example, let’s say that you hate your job. Your relationships are going to suffer as a result, and you may experience more stress-related illnesses. Or if your relationship is on the rocks, you may suffer lower productivity at work and not take proper care of your health.

You can’t put your relationship with a woman at the center of your life and expect the other areas of your life to fall in line.

You need to make sure that you devote adequate time to creating a satisfying, reward working experience for yourself, taking care of your health by exercising and eating prop-erly; nurturing your other relationships with friends and family, and expanding your inter-ests into new hobbies and activities.

Similarly, your partner needs time and space to work on these areas of her life for herself. If she doesn’t feel good about her health or her job, then she needs to work on those areas. Having a good relationship with you won’t make up for the unhappiness she’s experienc-ing in other areas of her life.

Sometimes, it may be necessary for her to end her relationship with you if she’s going to follow her destiny. If that happens, then let go with love. You don’t own her, nor would you want to. Any woman worthy of you will stay with you from her own free choice, not out of a sense of duty or obligation.

It can be hard to let someone we love go, when their life journey takes them in a direction opposite to ours. But, in the end, we have no choice. Loving someone doesn’t mean that we own them. Loving someone means that we unconditionally want the best for them, even if that involves standing at the door and waving goodbye.



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Women Still Want to Be Swept Off Their Feet

I want to leave you with one final story. Kerry, the guy I mentioned at the beginning of this special report, had everything going for him. He was wealthy, successful in his job, good-looking enough for his age, and knew how to treat women with respect. But he kept get-ting stuck in the “nice guy” trap. He could meet women, make friends with them, and go out on dates … but he could never “close the deal.”

He wanted to know why women didn’t want a relationship with him, when he was liter-ally the guy of their dreams. “I mean, I listen to what women want. They want a guy who’s interested in more than sex. They want a guy who can talk about the things they’re interested in. They want someone who’s got some money in the bank and knows how to treat a woman. I am all those things! So why do they end up with losers and then come complaining to me when they get their heart broken?”

Kevin’s problem wasn’t commitment. It was attraction.

A lot of guys think that their problem is getting a girl to commit, when, in actual fact, their problem is getting a girl to feel attracted to them. It’s totally different. Commitment is what takes a relationship to the next stage, while attraction is what takes dating to that next stage.

That’s why I include a complete discussion of the mechanics of attraction in From First Dates to Soul Mates. I explain the 5 Cs of Attraction and specific methods to develop each essential element, such that your dates naturally evolve into relationships.

Kevin, for example, was clearly missing the first C: Chemistry. He didn’t know how to spark the sexual chemistry that would turn a budding friendship into a budding relation-ship. He was going about his dates all wrong by playing on his ability to be a woman’s “best friend” rather than being the man that guides the date. I explain this idea in greater detail in my course, because it’s such a common mistake.

Women still want to be swept off their feet by a man who’s strong, sexual, and sure of himself. They don’t want to settle for the nice guy who will give them everything they ever wanted. It’s like dating a butler!



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Getting From That First Date to Soul Mates

It can seem like an impossible mountain to climb: getting from that first date to insepa-rable soulmates. When you think about everything that’s involved, there’s a small part of you thinking, “Maybe being single isn’t such a bad thing after all.”

But there’s a different way of looking at it…

Relationships should not primarily be about “hard work” or “getting lucky.” Rather, they should be about having fun.

If you’re not having fun, then something is wrong.

That’s why my course emphasizes having the right attitude. You shouldn’t be getting stressed out over every little “mistake” you make in your relationship. You shouldn’t worry about saying the wrong thing. You shouldn’t stress out each time you argue!

Rather, relationships should be fun and easy. They should just plain feel great.

If your relationships have stopped being fun, or if you can’t figure out why the same things keep happening to you over and over again, then I recommend getting my course, From First Dates to Soul Mates. I teach you concrete techniques to make sure that your relation-ships start off fun and easy, and stay that way.

You’ll also learn about:

• The biological basis to commitment,• How a truly committed relationship develops over time,• What you should expect from a committed partner,• How to identify whether your partner can commit,• The 3 qualities that any long-term relationship must have,• How to stop worrying so much,• 5 Deadly Commitment Mistakes,• How to talk about hard stuff,• Why we fight and how to do it constructively,• The 3 Relationship Principles,• How to cheat-proof your relationship…

…And much more!

Plus, my course includes exercises for you to work through your own relationship history and apply the ideas to yourself.



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I’m very proud of this course, and I believe that it’s the definitive guide to creating a rela-tionship that will last the test of time.

To try it out for yourself (check out my $5 trial offer!), go to:

MeetYourSweet.com/commitment/

All the best in life and love!

<Insert Amy Waterman signature – please check the resolution, because in the last spe-cial report the image looked fuzy>Amy WatermanAuthor of From First Dates to Soul Mates: How to Take Things to the Next Level of Commit-ment Without Screwing It Up!

P.S. Also, you’ll get an audio version of the book ABSOLUTELY FREE with your purchase. That’s over 10 hours of audio, read aloud by myself, that you can download to your com-puter or MP3 player and listen to any time. Plus my course comes with some superb bo-nuses, so don’t miss it!


http://www.meetyoursweet.com/commitment/

how you can be the man a woman needs - expert dating ......you can love her more than any other man...

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