how to help my child overcome challenges

8/7/2019 How to Help My Child Overcome Challenges

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HELPING TO PROMOTERESILIENCE IN OUR

CHILDRENR E S O U R C E S T A K E N F R O M :

B R I N G O U T Y O U R C H I L D ’ S R E S I L I E N C E

B Y M I C H A E L G R O S E

How to help my child

overcome challenges



What is Resilience?

Art of staying steadfast in the face of lifedifficulties

The ability to bungy-jump your way throughlife when you experience

A Loss (Friend moves away)

A Disappointment (Being cut from ateam)

A Hardship (Parental Divorce)



How do we help our children become Resilient?

There are 21 attributes that contribute to thedevelopment of resilience in children

They are a mixture of personal and

environmental attributes These can be influenced by the adults in a

child‟s life to some degree

The more attributes your child has, thegreater their chances are for developing asense of resilience



Personal Attributes

Three Broad Groups

1) Qualities and Values

2)Friendship Skills

3) Self-Esteem and Learning



Environmental Attributes

Three Broad Groups

1) Strong Family

2)School and Community

3) Activities



Workshop Format

4 Steps to Learning the Attributes

1) Take a survey of questions that relate to theconditions in which the attribute may or may

not be present in your child, in you or in theenvironment

2) Self-score your answers and record yourresult

3) 4 ideas are highlighted to help you begin4) An inspirational Quote to help you

remember!



Personal Group 1Qualities and Values

PersistenceHow Persistent is Your Child? Do They:

1) Stick to a task, until completed, no matter what? Yes (2) No (0)

2) Become easily distracted by others when they have a task tocomplete?

Yes (0) No (2)3) Complete lengthy assignment on time?

Yes (2) No (0)

4) Make excuses for difficult situations rather than facechallenges?

Yes (0) No (2)5) Never give in when playing a sport or game?

Yes (0) No (2)




PersistenceScore Ranges:

10 A Tough Type You have a terrier on your hands. Can behard on themselves

6-8 Hangs in thereMaybe he has a balanced attitude

0-4 Gives in easily Needs to be reminded to “Hang in There”




PersistenceStarting Points:

1) Use Vocabulary

“Hang Tough”, “Work Hard”, “Hang in There”2) Point out when they stick to a task until the endShowcase persistence and the payoff

3) Help them Remember When they have experienced success by

HANGING IN when they were younger4) Talk about HARD WORK

They need to understand that to be successfulthey need to do things that are always NOTfun or easy




Persistence“Persistence and Patience have a magical

effect before which difficulties disappearand obstacles vanish” – John Quincy

Adams




Responsibility Does your child take responsibility? Do They:

1) Usually help at home without being reminded?

Yes (2) No (0)2) Take the initiative and fix things or help even if they won‟treceive recognition?

Yes (2) No (0)3) Blame others when things go wrong?

Yes (0) No (2)4) Own up straight away if they have done the wrong thing?

Yes (2) No (0)5) Start games and initiate activities at home or at school?

Yes (2) No (0)




Responsibility Score Ranges:

10 What a responsible child!Leadership Potential

6-8 Knows about taking responsibility But needs an occasional reminder

0-4 Needs someone on his or her shoulder allof the timeMay need to be given more responsibility




Responsibility Starting Points:

1) Don‟t allow them to deflect responsibility or blame othersHelp them IDENTIFY:

A) BUT NUTS – Look for excuses such as tiredness “But I amtoo tired to help”B) BLAME GAMERS – Blame others when things go wrong

“It‟s not my fault, Tom started it”2) Make sure they have some jobs to do at home so that others rely

on them

Ask yourself, “What does my child do that someone else relieson?”3) Use a roster for jobs and place responsibility on your child

This sound be done without being reminded




Responsibility

“The reason people blame things on

the previous generations is thatthere is no other choice.” – Doug

Larson




RespectDoes your child show respect? Do They:

1) Generally use manners when interacting with others? Yes (2) No (0)

2) Let others finish what they have to say rather than interrupt? Yes (2) No (0)

3) Leave toys and things around the house? Yes (2) No (0)

4) Alter their behavior when around older people or those havingdifficulty or illness?

Yes (2) No (0)5) Focus on their own needs at all times at the expense of the

needs of others? Yes (0) No (2)




RespectScore Ranges:

10 Shows healthy respect!For themselves and others

6-8 Maybe not awareOf what is expected at all times

0-4 Very self-awareBut may need to learn a little more aboutrespect treatment of others




RespectStarting Points:

1) Insist that they use “please” and “thank you” and variationsof these terms

In all interactions2) Practice communication with each other using eye contact

This ensures openness and understanding and leads torespectful treatment

3) Discuss the ways that people should be treated at home and

at schoolHelp them identify and elaborate on respectful behavior and what it means to them

4) Establish simple rulesTo ensure that they, you and your home are treated

respectfully




Respect“Manners are a sensitive awareness of the

feelings of others. If you have thatawareness, you have good manners no

matter what fork you use.” – Emily Post



Personal Group 2Friendship Skills

Making FriendsDoes your child behave like a good friend? Do They:

1) Are they trustworthy with a friend‟s secret?

Yes (2) No (0)2) Move on easily if conflict occurs rather than sulk or hold grudges?

Yes (2) No (0)3) Usually have a positive outlook and show enthusiasm about most

things? Yes (2) No (0)

4) Know how to share their time, space and possessions with others? Yes (2) No (0)

5) Give and receive compliments easily? Yes (2) No (0)




Making FriendsScore Ranges:

10 A friendly childProbably very popular with peers

6-8 Knows how good friends actBut may need to work on skills or attitude

0-4 Maybe a little self-centeredMay need more exposure to a variety of social situations and help with basicfriendship skills




Making FriendsStarting Points:

1) Help them start up a conversation

Give them conversation starters, make sure they don‟ttalk about themselves, focus on the interests of others

2) Play games with themMake sure they learn to be gracious winners and goodlosers

3) Have one friend at a time overThis will allow them to form friendships one at a time

4) Show children how to resolve conflictThey need to learn to compromise rather than refusing togive in




Making Friends“Do not protect yourself by a fence, but rather by your friends”. – Czech

proverb




Handling RejectionHow resilient is your child? Do They:

1) Bounce back when things go wrong?

Yes (2) No (0)2) Rationalize disappointment and rejection rather than take it

personally? Yes (2) No (0)

3) Take a positive view when challenges come their way? Yes (2) No (0)

4) Pat themselves on the back when he does something well? Yes (2) No (0)

5) Let little things spill over and spoil other parts of their life? Yes (0) No (2)




Handling RejectionScore Ranges:

10 A resilient childBounces back up when things don‟t gotheir way

6-8 A hardy soul

0-4 Probably too hard on themselvesNeeds some help to lighten the load




Handling RejectionStarting Points:

1) Model Optimism Watch how you present the world to your children, as

they will pick up on your views2) Tell children how you handle disappointment and rejection

It is reassuring and let‟s them know that youunderstand how they feel

3) Help them recognize past times they have bounced back

Those same strategies can be used again

4) Laugh together, humor is great coping mechanismIt helps put disappointment in perspective




Handling Rejection“Fall seven times, stand up eight.”–

Japanese proverb




Managing EmotionsHow well does you child manage anger? Do They:

1) Throw a tantrum or act aggressively when things don‟t go their way?

Yes (0) No (2)2) Generally speak to you or someone else when they are angry? Yes (2) No (0)

3) Bottle things up for long periods and then just explode verbally orphysically?

Yes (0) No (2)4) Appear to be thick-skinned and not let too many things worry them?

Yes (2) No (0)5) Generally stand back when they are angry and calm down before acting or

speaking? Yes (2) No (0)




Managing EmotionsScore Ranges:

10 Anger well-managedMaybe very little upsets this child

6-8 On the road to good managementIt is difficult to get on top of

0-4 Needs some work Start with recognizing the triggers to anger




Managing EmotionsStarting Points:

1) Build a socially-appropriate vocabulary for their emotionsBased on their gender and stage of development

2) Help children recognize when they are angry Physical signs differ for all children but generally musclestense, teeth clench and fists tighten

3) Teach kids how to calm downDeep breathing is one technique…Encourage them to think of the color red, give them a red

button to place in their pocket and they can remove it whenthey feel angry. When they calm down, they can then place it back into their pocket

4) Tell children some of the ways you manage your angerExplain the triggers you use to recognize when you are angry




Managing Emotions“Always forgive your enemies.Nothing annoys them more” –

Oscar Wilde




Resolving ConflictHow effectively does your child resolve conflict? Do They:

1) Usually resort to power or physical means to get their way?

Yes (0) No (2)2) Deal with problems verbally and calmly?

Yes (2) No (0)3) Give some ground rather than stubbornly stand firm over every

issue? Yes (2) No (0)

4) Move on quickly and maintain friendships after a conflict? Yes (2) No (0)

5) Say very little but simmer over conflict and disagreements? Yes (0) No (2)




Resolving ConflictScore Ranges:

10 A real peacemakerPerhaps headed for a career in diplomacy

6-8 Still working on conflict resolutionBut moving in the right direction

0-4 Hmmmmm!Needs some work




Resolving ConflictStarting Points:

1) Teach children some simple rules for resolving conflict Without hitting or name calling

2) Explain to your children about I-messages and identify themI-messages state how a person feels about a situation as well as why they feel that way. They are non-judgmental and non-accusatory “When you break your promise to me I feel so let down becauseI get so excited and worked up”

3) Get children to agree on the problem When they come for help to resolve conflict4) Ask children to tell you what they did when you noticed they

resolved a potentially difficult situation peacefully It is quite powerful when a child tells in their own languagehow they did something

l




Resolving Conflict“ We need to learn and to show others

that there are tried and tested,powerful ways of containing andresolving conflict which do not

require the use of force” – ScillaElwothy

l




Decision-makingDoes your child make smart decisions? Do They:

1) Consider the consequences rather than make a complete leap of faith aboutmost things?

Yes (2) No (0)2) Avoid making decisions for fear of making poor ones?

Yes (0) No (2)3) Generally take advice when given?

Yes (2) No (0)4) Enjoy taking part in family discussions and decision-making processess?

Yes (2) No (0)5) Follow what his peers say rather than make independent decisions?

Yes (0) No (2)

l G




Decision MakingScore Ranges:

10 A careful decision-makerNot rash my any means

6-8 Considers options And then maybe acts a little rashly

0-4 Either makes poor decisions or none at allNeeds to work hard to slow down or takerisks and make some choices

P l G




Decision MakingStarting Points:

1) Involve them in choosing food, family entertainment andfun

Give them a choice between two, not a bucket full tochoose from

2) Make a habit of inviting their input into a whole range of small issues to help you make decisions

Meals, room arrangements, scheduling activities

3) Toss a coinIt may not be the best decision, but a least it will be adecision

4) Conduct regular family meetingsPlace family issues on the agenda

P l G




Decision Making“Nothing is more difficult, and

therefore more precious, than to beable to decide.” – Napoleon

Bonaparte

P l G



Personal Group 3Self-esteem and Learning

OptimismHow optimistic is your child? Do They:

1) Usually take blame personally when things go wrong?

Yes (0) No (2)2) Blow negative events out of proportion?

Yes (0) No (2)3) Take personal credit if things go well?

Yes (2) No (0)4) Believe that with work or better skills they can improve?

Yes (2) No (0)5) Always looks on the bright side?

Yes (2) No (0)

P l G




OptimismScore Ranges:

10 A raving optimist

What is it like living with a ray of sunshine?

6-8 A bright spark A little reframing may be useful

0-4 A leaning toward pessimismMake sure you model optimistic self-talk sothey can hear what optimism thinking soundslike

P l G



Personal Group 3Self-esteem and Leanring

OptimismStarting Points:

1) Model positive thinking and optimismLet children hear your positive self-talk

2) Challenge your children‟s negative or unrealistic appraisals“Everyone hates me, I have no friends”Challenge that with “Sometimes it feels as though we haveno friends, but you spent all morning with Tanya

yesterday”3) Teach children to positively track

Children should look for the good things they do and say them to themselves out loud4) Teach children to reframe

When something unpleasant happens or failure occurs they canlook on the bright side“I scratched up my bike a bit, but at least I was not hurt”

P l G




Optimism“There is nothing sadder than a young pessimist” – Mark Twain

P l G 3




Health and FitnessHow healthy is your child‟s lifestyle? Do They:

1) Get a minimum of an hour‟s physical activity every day? Yes (2) No (0)

2) Spend more than two hours per day watching television, playing computergames and using the computer?

Yes (0) No (2)3) Mostly eat according to the healthy eating pyramid?

Yes (2) No (0)4) Get sufficient sleep so that they don‟t tire in the middle of the day?

Yes (2) No (0)5) East a good, healthy breakfast every day?

Yes (2) No (0)

P l G 3




Health and FitnessScore Ranges:

10 More than likely a healthy specimenKeep it up

6-8 Needs some work Is it food, sleep or exercise that needs

attending to?

0-4 Lifestyle needs looking at Where to start first?

Personal Group 3




Health and FitnessStarting Points:

1) Have a TV-free day once a week or TV-free period each day

2) Put up a healthy eating pyramid at homeGet kids to identify the healthy foods they eat

3) Organize for your children to walk to and from school eachday

If the distance is much too far, try thinking of anotheroption that involves walking instead of riding

4) Join your children in a physical game or activity each day It is best to have them chose what interests them

Personal Group 3




Health and Fitness“One of the reasons why adults

should look like they are having funis to give kids a reason to want to

grow up” – Patch Adams

Personal Group 3




MotivationIs your child self-motivated? Do They:

1) Usually work just hard enough to pass a subject and keep parents andteachers off their back?

Yes (0) No (2)2) Usually keep trying when they meet with difficulties rather than give up?

Yes (2) No (0)3) Ask questions in class and seek help if struggling or having difficulties?

Yes (2) No (0)4) Work hard even in boring subjects, regardless of whether they like the

teacher or not? Yes (2) No (0)

5) Believe that hard work is linked with success? Yes (2) No (0)

Personal Group 3




MotivationScore Ranges:

10 A self-motivated studentProbably exerts immense pressure onthemselves

6-8 Needs some external motivation but generally motivated by own successes

A little reframing may be useful

0-4 Needs constant prodding You will need to persist and be patient?

Personal Group 3




MotivationStarting Points:

1) Challenge children to set PERSONAL BESTS in a whole range of activities

“What is the most number of correct sums you got right in one

week? Can you beat that this week?2) Help them see the LINK between learning activities and their areas of interest

Reading non-fiction about their area of interest such as a sport canhelp improve their reading skills

3) Keep a variety of high interest reading materials available at homeThis will provide you with an indication of the areas of interest thatmotivate them

4) Get some game-based learning materials relevant to child age andinterest levels

Make sure you get guidance from your child‟s teacher about thesuitability and interest level

Personal Group 3




Motivation“Spoon feeding in the long run

teaches us nothing but the shape of the spoon” – E.M. Forster

Personal Group 3




OrganizationIs your child well-organized? Do They:

1) Need to be constantly reminded about simple things? Yes (0) No (2)

2) Enjoy order and feel uncomfortable with too much clutter and mess? Yes (0) No (2)

3) Easily break big tasks into small jobs and enjoy doing multi-step tasks? Yes (2) No (0)

4) Establish their own routines and function well when the usual daily routineis altered unexpectedly?

Yes (2) No (0)5) Leave most things to the last minute before they are done?

Yes (0) No (2)

Personal Group 3




OrganizationScore Ranges:

10 An organizational typeCan be a little scary for mere mortals

6-8 Work fairly wellEven around clutter

0-4 Probably needs help with the basics

Personal Group 3




OrganizationStarting Points:

1) Use lists for forgetful things Ask them, “List the five things they need to do in the morning before they leave for school”

2) Have a monthly family calendar for important activities andevents

Encourage them to place important activities on it and to check it regularly

3) Before children begin homework ask them to estimate how long it

will take and then check their estimatesEncourage children to work efficiently and quickly rather thanspend long periods of time doing tasks

4) Encourage children to set goals on a regular basis“How many books will you read this week” or “How muchexercise will you do this week”

Personal Group 3




Organization“We can no more afford to spend

major time on minor things than wecan spend minor time on major

things” – Jim Rohn

External Group 1



External Group 1Strong Family

Role ModelsDoes your child have a positive role model in their life?

Do They:

1) Have same gender models whom they are close to? Yes (2) No (0)2) Have a number of positive young people or adults whom they admire in

their broader circle of contacts? Yes (2) No (0)

3) Copy behaviors that worry you of well known people? Yes (0) No (2)

4) Become easily influenced by peers? Yes (0) No (2)

5) Copy the positive social behaviors of people they like and admire? Yes (2) No (0)

External Group 1




Role ModelsScore Ranges:

10 Healthy Role Model

6-8 Perhaps needs some guidance About the type of role model they have orthe types of behaviors or attitudes they copy

0-4 Need to be proactiveEnsure access to a number of positive rolemodels who can influence and assist

External Group 1




Role ModelsStarting Points:

1) Ensure that your childHas exposure to at least one positive role model of each

gender on a regular basis2) Begin a conversation about role models and heroes with

children by differentiating between heroes and role modelsThe former may be famous athletes or entertainers they admire who may not be positive role models, but may have other qualities worth pointing out

3) Identify your own role model Work out what you wish to emulate in those people

4) Consciously model one social behavior at a time that you want your child to learn “

External Group 1




Role Models“Children learn what they live” –

Unknown

External Group 1




ContributionDoes your child make a positive contribution to the family? Do They:

1) Take responsibility for a reasonable number of tasks that others rely on? Yes (2) No (0)

2) Develop their self-help skills and willingly take on independence? Yes (2) No (0)3) Like to have a say in what happens in the family without being overbearing and

bossy? Yes (2) No (0)

4) Willingly help others when they need it? Yes (2) No (0)

5) Volunteer to help even though he may not receive any recognition? Yes (2) No (0)

External Group 1




ContributionScore Ranges:

10 A positive contributorLeadership potential

6-8 A willing participantMay need some prompting

0-4 What does he do that someone else relieson?

External Group 1




ContributionStarting Points:

1) Establish a weekly HELP rosterList the advantages of placing responsibility on to children to performthe helping task – without you reminding them

2) Think about what you are doing for children regularly that they can DOFOR THEMSELVES

Identify one thing and give that responsibility to your children3) Ask children to prepare or help you make at least one meal a week

4) Identify a helping task (e.g. emptying the dishwasher, taking our thegarbage) where your children can take turns being THE BOSS for a

week They can make up the rules for that week about how the task isorganized

External Group 1




Contribution“I was taught very early that I would

have to depend on myself; that my future would be in my own hands” –

Darius Ogden Mills

External Group 1




Rituals & TraditionsHow strong are our family rituals?

1) Have you brought rituals from your own family and adapted them to suit yourown situation?

Yes (2) No (0)2) Can you identify daily, weekly and yearly rituals and celebrations that are

permanent in your family? Yes (2) No (0)

3) Do three different generations come together regularly in your family? Yes (0) No (2)

4) Do you often hear yourself say to your children when remarking about family

events – “This is the way we do it in this family? Yes (2) No (0)5) Are your children the center of many rituals and traditions?

Yes (2) No (0)

External Group 1




Family TraditionsScore Ranges:

10 A strong sense of family tradition

6-8 Many rituals and traditions that bind

0-4 Maybe some work need to be done in thisarea

External Group 1



te a G oupStrong Family

Family TraditionsStarting Points:

1) Have regular family meal times that everyone isexpected to attend

This is a simple but powerful ritual that brings peopletogether2) Have a regular one-on-one activity

Involve each child such as bedtime stories or a weekly walk that you both can look forward to

3) Celebrate your child milestone birthdays in a special way

4) Ask your children about the rituals, special occasions andcelebrations that they enjoy most

External Group 1



pStrong Family

Family Traditions“Every ceremony or rite has a value if it

is performed without alteration. A ceremony is a block in which a greatdeal is written. Anyone who

understands can read it. One ritecontains more that a hundred books” –George Gurdjieff

External Group 1



pStrong Family

DisciplineHow Effective is your discipline? Do you:

1) Have a flexible set of routines in place particularly around morning, mealtimesand bedtime?

Yes (2) No (0)2) Generally, put a consequence in place the first or second time a child

misbehaves rather than continually remind and threaten? Yes (2) No (0)

3) Your moods strongly influence your approach to discipline so that when youfeel good you let misbehaviors go and when you feel bad you overreact??

Yes (0) No (2)

4) Have a strategy that deals with most behaviors rather than make them up on thespot? Yes (2) No (0)

5) Anticipate problems and make plans to minimize misbehavior before ithappens?

Yes (2) No (0)

External Group 1



pStrong Family

DisciplineScore Ranges:

10 Discipline history based on hard work It is hard work

6-8 Getting therePerhaps need to anticipate more and act

rather than let things go0-4 Need to work on your consistency

You probably need a break to

External Group 1



pStrong Family

DisciplineStarting Points:

1) Focus on priority behaviorsIt is difficult to be consistent with every single misbehavior but it iseasy to focus on one or two – this can have an effect on other

behaviors as well2) Give your self a tangible reminder about behavior you want to follow upLeave a note somewhere telling yourself that you need to “Walk away

when they whine. Don‟t give in.”3) Check your routines

Do you have routines for troublesome times of the day such as bedtime or mealtimes?

4) Act rather than over talk or repeat yourself Sometimes a consequence can be inconvenient in the short-term butin the long term it pays off with children who are better behaved

External Group 1



pStrong Family

Discipline“Consistency is the most important

element in a parent‟s relationship with their child” – Sal Severe

External Group 1



pStrong Family

CommunicationHow well does your family communicate?

1) Do you get together as a family each week so everyone has an opportunity totalk?

Yes (2) No (0)2) Is humor a feature in your family?

Yes (2) No (0)3) Do most people in your family listen to and take an interest in each other?

Yes (2) No (0)4) Do you have an effective process to resolve conflict between siblings such as

family meetings?

Yes (2) No (0)5) Do children talk openly to you or each other about problems or issues that may

bother them? Yes (2) No (0)

External Group 1



pStrong Family

CommunicationScore Ranges:

10 Remarkable

Communication is tricky so it is hard tohave all bases covered

6-8 Good stuff You need to continue to work at it

0-4 You may need to focus on ways to talk

So your children will listen so they will talk

External Group 1



pStrong Family

CommunicationStarting Points:

1) Make mealtimes more than a refueling pit stopSharing a meal provides an opportunity for parents and children totalk, exchange views, swap news and have a laugh or two

2) Talk with children one their turf Bedrooms can be safe havens for open communication. Identify where your child talks the most and make the most of those places

3) Talk about the stuff that children and young people want to talk aboutFind out what interests your children and use that as an entry point toconversations?

4) WRITE IT DOWN!Sometimes conversational clams respond best to notes, emails ortexts. So if you have something important to say or a n issue you wantto discuss use these forms of communication to help foster a healthy relationship

External Group 1



Strong Family

Communication“Communication is a skill that you

can learn. It‟s like riding a bicycleor typing. If you‟re willing to work at it, you can rapidly improve the

quality of every part of your life” –Brian Tracy

External Group 2



School and Community

Community Is your neighborhood child-friendly?

1) Would your child say that they feel safe and protected in most areas of your neighborhoodand able to go about daily activities free from fear?

Yes (2) No (0)2) Are there a variety of groups for your child to join and activities that he can participate in

available within close proximity? Yes (2) No (0)

3) Does your child have an ongoing informal relationship with one adult in theneighborhood?

Yes (2) No (0)4) Are there a variety of positive, healthy adults who model effective conflict resolution and

responsible behavior and are motivated to achieve?

Yes (2) No (0)5) Would you say that your neighborhood values children and usually acts in their bestinterests?

Yes (2) No (0)

External Group 2




Community Score Ranges:

10 Quite a neighborhood for childrenProbably attracts many families

6-8 Child-friendly But may need to work on some areas

0-4 This is a concern

Adult leadership is needed to makechanges

External Group 2




Community Starting Points:

1) Help your child learn the names of at least ten people in your neighborhood

2) Talk with your child about the good features of theneighborhood you live in

3) Encourage your child to join at lest one neighborhood- based leisure activity, sport, club or community activity

4) Help your child become more involved with one local or broad community social or environmental issue thateffects them

External Group 2




Community “It is the shelter of each other that

people live in” – Irish proverb

External Group 2




Positive PeersDoes your child have a positive peer group? Do they:

1) Have a number of children in their social circle that cares for and sticks up forthem?

Yes (2) No (0)2) Have a good friend who acts responsibly and who is reliable ?

Yes (2) No (0)3) Feel safe and is rarely bullied, singled out or victimized by others?

Yes (0) No (2)4) Have friendship groups who stay out of trouble at school and have positive

attitudes towards themselves and learning?

Yes (2) No (0)5) Feel under extreme pressure from peers to behave poorly or be involved in

dangerous risk-taking behaviors? Yes (0) No (2)

External Group 2




Positive PeersScore Ranges:

10 A member of socially-healthy peer group

6-8 Surrounded by influential peers but arethey positive?

0-4 Needs to find more positive peer groups

External Group 2




Positive PeersStarting Points:

1) Discuss with your child how a good friend behaves Ask them to identify some good friends and talk about whatmakes them a „good friend‟

2) Encourage them to join at least one outside school group and bea member of at least one school artistic, sporting or interestgroup

3) Limit your child‟s time in passive, solitary activitiesSuch as television-viewing, computer activities or gaming

4) Make an effort to get to know some of your child‟s friends and

their parents

External Group 2




Positive Peers“When the character of a person is

not a clue to you, look to his friends”– Japanese proverb

External Group 3



Activities

Free-Play Does your child enjoy free play? Do they:

1) Constantly rush from one after-school activity to another during the week?

Yes (2) No (0)2) Spend more time in front of the TV and computer than reading, playing

and other active pursuits? Yes (2) No (0)

3) Know how to keep themselves occupied rather than depend on others ortechnology to occupy or stimulate them?

Yes (0) No (2)4) Enjoy playing games and joining in fun activities with you?

Yes (2) No (0)5) Use a mixture of play involving others and also playing alone?

Yes (0) No (2)

External Group 3i i i



Activities

Free-Play Score Ranges:

10 Plenty of healthy play Keep it up!

6-8 Likes to play But may need some direction from you

0-4 Needs to loosen up

Or lighten up on activities that take away from free play

External Group 3i i i



Activities

Free-Play Starting Points:

1) Place a limit on the number of extra-curricular activities that your child isinvolved in

Alternatively, place a reasonable limit on the days after school that they have extra-curricular activities. When they want to exceed this limit, ask

what they would like to omit from their current schedule2) Resist getting your child too many complicated gadgets and electronic toysChildren need simple objects, toys, books, rhymes and puzzles sothey can interact with and manipulate them

3) Have a technology-free day once a week This is the day that the only technology used in the house is for cooking,transport or communication. Games and entertainment must be found

in simpler pursuits4) Play with children yourself for enjoyment

Be patient if your child wants to repeat the same game or activity overand over

External Group 3A i i i



Activities

Free-Play “A father is someone who plays with

you even when he has friends hisown age to play with” – A six year

old boy




Activities

Out of school activitiesDo you have a healthy attitude to your child‟s out

of school activities? Do you:

1) Focus on enjoyment and participation rather than high performance or winning when you talk about extra-curricular activities?

Yes (2) No (0)2) Model a healthy lifestyle of at least one leisure activity of your own?

Yes (2) No (0)3) Keep your child as busy as possible, filling all their spare time with activities?

Yes (0) No (2)4) Involve yourself in community activities or organizations?

Yes (2) No (0)5) Encourage your child to practice for their extra-curricular activities if required?

Yes (0) No (2)




Activities

Out of School ActivitiesScore Ranges:

10 A healthy attitude Your child must have good balance!

6-8 Do you need to change anything?

0-4 Maybe a readjustment needed somewhere

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Activities

Out of School ActivitiesStarting Points:

1) Introduce your child to activities that you are passionate aboutSome children want to emulate their parents or are motivated

by their parents2) Take an interest in your child‟s interests

Be available to take them to their activities at least some of thetime or lend your assistance in some way

3) Have your own interests outside of work and family This sends the message about a balanced, healthy lifestyle to

children4) Get a list of activities available in you areas and in your school that yourchild can be involved in

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Activities

Out of School Activities“A man‟s interest in the world is only

an overflow from his interests inhimself” – George Bernard Shaw

Fi ll Sh t S f R ili



BY MICHAEL GROSE

Finally, a Short Summary of 7 ResiliencePromoting Practices which you can put

into place right now as a parent

how to help my child overcome challenges

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