how to begin to transform your life

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(Without making

changes to the

document)

Marylin Schirmer http://themazfactor.com

Copyright 2011 Marylin Schirmer http://themazfactor.com

How to Begin

Transforming

Your Life

By Marylin Schirmer

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How to Begin to Transform your Life

Copyright © 2011 by Marylin Schirmer

Permission is granted to distribute this document in its entirety in

pdf format only.



AWARENESS If your life had more fulfillment, more abundance, more prosperity, more happiness, would that be so bad? How would your life look? What would it look like? What would it sound like? What would it feel like? Visualise for a minute, if you had your ideal life. What would the picture be like, close your eyes and make it into a mini movie for a moment.

Notice the sounds that are important, the feelings that are important, is it in color? Is it 3D? Where do you live? What sort of home do you live in? What do you drive (or fly)? What do you do for a living? What are your hobbies? What do you love about it? What is your biggest worry in your dream life? What is your bank balance? What clothes are hanging in your wardrobe? What friends do you have? What are your relationships like? Where do you holiday? Who are you sharing it with? What’s your favourite charity and how much do you donate each year?

Put this book down and treat yourself to a mini movie where you are the star, for just a few minutes. Go on, do it now. The book can wait. Take two deep breaths in through your nose and slowly exhale out your mouth, and then do it, visualise your dream life!

RESISTANCE IS NORMAL

It’s not the problem that is the problem; it is the unwillingness to let it go that keeps a problem being a problem.

If you keep doing what you have been doing, you will keep getting what you always get. How is that working for you? If it is great, then great, if not, then possibly it is time to resist resistance.

What sometimes feels bad can always get worse if you choose to accept it as normal or as your ‘lot in life’, and if you believe it to be true.

Your level of thinking, limiting beliefs, self-sabotaging thoughts and negative emotions that got you into your current predicament, are not usually the best to recognise the solution. Our mind filters all information, all situations, everything that happens in, to and around us, via a set of filters that are unique to you. If your set of filters has been habitually producing unsuccessful results, perhaps they need updating or a perception shift.

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Surrender to your transformation, or your unconscious mind that thinks it is protecting you will go on as it has been, possibly sabotaging your chances of success by repeating the same old habits, the same old responses, producing the same old results. By making the same old half-hearted decisions and the same old choices through the same old state of mind, then you get to stay where you are. Without a commitment it will continue the same old beliefs, through the same old head talk, the same old records and yep, the same old same ol’ …

Realise that resistance is just self-sabotage. It is nothing more. It does however have the positive intent of keeping you in the area that is familiar to you, otherwise known as your ‘comfort’ zone, or your ‘grey’ zone. My personal word for it is the ‘boring’ zone. That makes me want to get out of it and explore with curiosity and courage.

Expect resistance; it’s normal. It is vital just prior to transforming, or how else would you know something big and fantastic is coming? You should be a little nervous, you are about to meet your magnificent self! Anyway, that fear you feel is just excitement turned inside out. Old habits can be pretty well ingrained. Did you know that the same hormones are released into the bloodstream when we feel fear as when we feel excitement? The first time I went on stage at the Crown Casino at my first seminar I experienced this. It’s just the head talk that’s different, but you can change that when you know the ‘how’.

Signs of resistance come disguised as: 1. I’m not worth the effort. 2. My problems are ‘different’ or I am different. 3. It’s not the right time (there isn’t one, NOW is as good as any). 4. I’m too (whatever). If you can finish this sentence ‘I would, but I am

too _______________________’. 5. Blaming anything or anyone including yourself (all blame is bad). 6. ‘It’s not that bad.’ 7. ‘I will do it after _________happens.’ 8. Any other excuses that are disguised as ‘reasons’.

Just to name a few. Don’t buy your own denial. Recognise it for what it is. Sabotage! Resistance! Fear! Procrastination! Low self-esteem! Muster up courage and excitement and …



DECIDE AND COMMIT – IN STONE

The decision I made to change my life was such a major first step that without it I shudder to think where I would be. People are scared to make decisions because they think they might set themselves up for a fall. So? When you read this entire section you will realise that with such a level of control over your destiny, the decision to make the necessary life changes is worth it. It’s crucial to getting out of a rut or even just to gain a small amount of increase in success. I believe there are essentially two decisions to make: (1) Decide to improve your life; (2) DECIDE to COMMIT to the decision.

Because of the solid commitment I made to the decision alone, the sign on my forehead that read ‘Make me suffer’ had been rewritten to read ‘I’m a winner!’ The choice to be happier meant that life ‘seemed’ brighter because I chose to not let anyone or anything stop me. I was telling my unconscious mind that I was worth more and willing to do something about it.

I don’t think I would have noticed the power within messages I found in certain books and from certain people until ‘AFTER’ I had already decided to bail on misery, to break through the cycle, to not except bad behaviour from people any more. I really had to hit the bottom of the quicksand, to decide ‘no more’, ‘enough was enough’. This girl was breaking loose, busting out and escaping that strangling cocoon and doing whatever it takes to be happy. Success and money was a by-product, a bonus. There are unlimited bonuses to becoming happy. Contentment and fulfilment, to name just two.

Whatever I most needed always came to me. Not always in the form I had imagined, I might add. The point I most want to make is that the learnings came after the decision to get my life in order, regardless of the fact I had no idea how to go about it. The resources were presented to me in the same proportion as my level of commitment. The more committed you are to anything, the more sure you can be that the ‘how to’ attain that which you are committing to will present itself.

It HAD to happen that way. From what I have learnt in my own experience, it was a part of what I had drawn in (UNconsciously). There is much to understand to get that message and understandably so. If you habitually have an area of life that continues to cause you discontentment then it’s time to break that cycle. You can choose right now to change it.

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The learnings therefore, must come when you make the decision! The decisions you make will not only bring the learnings needed to prepare you for the next step, they will also tell your unconscious mind what to do. If you decide to create fulfillment in your life, and commit 100%, are willing to do what it takes then it simply must come to pass. The learnings that are necessary to bring about that fulfillment will be presented also.

You do not have to know how to get started you just have to DECIDE to start. I am talking about deciding in stone, not sand. I remember wondering long ago how one would go about changing their life, but that never brought me the resources and right set of ‘coincidences’ to make it happen. Questioning, wishing and wondering were not enough. They are not a part of the equation of creating a better life.

Not until I decided and committed to that decision did the ideas and possibilities present themselves. Once I was absolutely resolved, voila! Twas like the hazy fog all around me just lifted and revealed an arrow, pointing me in the right direction. I couldn’t see the whole stair case but I could see the first step and that was all I needed at that time.

‘Whatever you can do or dream you can do, begin it! Boldness has power, magic and genius in it.’

Goethe

REALITY CHECK

Own your current situation so that you can own any kind of transformation. Face up to what is not working in your life. This is no time to pretend you feel happy and fulfilled if you are not (not just yet anyway).

What will it cost you in five or ten years if your current circumstances stay as they are? Are you likely to achieve your desired results if nothing changes? If you are not happy and fulfilled in an area of your life, and you put off doing something about it and being accountable, you may as well get used to it, because you will likely just get more of the same.

‘If nothing changes, nothing changes.’

Unknown



Here is an interesting exercise to do at this point in time. Consider these seven areas of your life for example. Feel free to add more if there are more areas of your life that are important to you, or cross out any that are not .

Pre-transformational Assessment Chart:

Area of Life Fulfillment Rating

Deserving Rating

Gratitude Rating

MONEY Eg. 5/10 5/10 5/10

RELATIONSHIPS

HEALTH

CAREER & SUCCESS

SPIRITUALITY

FAMILY

HOBBIES/FUN

As honestly as you can, in the second column rate your current fulfillment/happiness/success level in each of these areas of your life. Really think about it. Put 10 out of 10 if you feel totally fulfilled and happy with where it is at, and 1 out of 10 if it ‘sucks’. I warn you that when I recently had seminar attendees do this exercise, some were a little shocked. I know when I first did it myself, well, you can imagine mine.

Now, in the third column rate your self-deserving/self-worthiness level out of 10 also; 10 out of 10 is when you feel deep down inside that you deserve and are as worthy as much as the person you know who actually

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has a 10 out of 10 success rate in that area, while 1 out of 10 is when you don’t feel deserving or worthy at all.

The fourth column is your appreciation/grateful/thankful rating. This is the most ignored and crucial aspect of ‘what you ‘thank’ about you bring about. If you are a heavy complainer about that area of your life then you would put a 1 out of 10 (ask your friends as they are the ones who would be able to tell you). If you often voice how grateful you are about the positives (regardless of how few there may be) in that area of your life, at least twice a day, with love in your heart, with full focus on your appreciation as you do, then you score 10 out of 10.

This exercise was to help you see clearly where you are starting from, because it’s very hard to get to where you want if you don’t know where you are to begin with.

The longer the distance between your current score and a 9 or 10 out of 10, the sweeter your transformation will be and the more reason to read on. This is exactly what we will be working on in this book.

If you want more fulfillment out of the dash between your birth and death dates on your headstone, let it be that you are willing to make the necessary changes in your perception. Let it also be that you are willing to change beliefs and habits that no longer serve you. Let it be that you are willing to own the choices you make along this journey. If you keep making the old choices, with the same mindset that got you to your current level of fulfillment, or lack thereof, you will remain at that current level or rate of decline or rise, and continue the same cycle.

‘Transform your mind to transform your own entire world.’

Marylin Schirmer

TAKE RESPONSIBILITY – STEP UP!

Move from the ‘effect’ side of the equation to the ‘cause’ side.

This subject can sometimes carry a hard-hitting message that we are sometimes not ready to hear. On the other hand, perhaps this is not new knowledge to you, depending on your level of awareness.

I was naive. I did not know of my role in my own game of life. I was acting like the pawn, the victim of the game controller. I was letting



anyone who wanted to move me across the game board do so, and then let them move me to wherever they wanted me to go as well.

I couldn’t for the life of me see it before. I simply wasn’t committed enough. I wasn’t ready. I didn’t want it badly enough. I was too busy blaming, being sceptical, overly logical and at times, righteously indignant.

Blame limits us and keeps us a prisoner of that which we are blaming. To elaborate, this simply means, ‘is the reason for where you are at in your current state of affairs, whether it is good or bad, the fault of someone or something outside of yourself? Or are you willing to take responsibility for where you are at?’ Are you at cause or at the effect of someone or something?

That is possibly quite daring of me to put it so bluntly. I used to say it was the fault of my ex, my rapist, my father, the system, men, or the perverts, it certainly wasn’t my bloody fault, I didn’t ask for it!

Check out this choice I made. I chose to believe my beliefs, even the ones about men, whether they were true to me or not. I chose to internalise that look from my father as meaning certain things. Whether justifiably so or not, is not the issue.

I chose to go back to that boyfriend when he paid for my bus ticket. I think that someone else might have not gone back to him regardless of a promise. I could have chosen to use that bus ticket home as justification for the cost of the pain I suffered in the first place. My whole life course could have been changed right there and many times prior and after.

For whatever reason we make the choices we make, we are the ones who make them, no one else. I wasn’t contract bound. As far as the possibility of choosing who we are born to, I believe no one can be totally sure about such things. To be in control of my own power to create my own fulfilling life, I choose to believe that possibly I did choose my father for the lessons I needed to learn or I wouldn’t be me. That is the only way I could see not to blame him for me being screwed up, or else what hope was there for me? I doubted he was changing in a hurry because he wasn’t even aware of his effect on anyone.

If someone else caused it then I can’t save myself. I don’t ‘blame’ myself either, just except that I may have attracted it or made unconscious choices that led me to be in a particular situation. THIS IS PURELY FOR THE INTENTION OF MOVING FORWARD.

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Blame and cause are different. I stopped blaming and put myself at ‘cause’ instead, for me to be able to finally take control of my own life. Blame has bad energy whereas ‘cause’ is neutral. It just ‘is’ and so choices become available with more clarity on options because of their not being anything in the way. Blame opens the door to negative emotions, which is as bad as driving a car with a windscreen smeared in Vaseline. Everything is distorted and unclear. It can turn a heart bitter faster than petrol can start a fire.

Logic or truth has no place in choosing our own personal beliefs because our choice of beliefs become our truth, as long as they are ecological, don’t hurt anyone, fit with our own values and empower us to live our best life.

Too many times we seek the truth instead of what makes us happy and causes our heart to sing. Big deal if it isn’t even right at the time of choosing them. It soon will be! If it helps me be happier in my future and feel in control of my own destiny then who cares? We sometimes are so busy thinking our set of ‘beliefs’ or ‘truths’ are more important than our own happiness, our own value.

I wrongly thought that keeping my promise was more important than my own value as a human being. Why did I have to choose that my ‘word’ was the priority, at the cost of my very own life of happiness? I couldn’t for the life of me see there was any choice whatsoever at the time. This is a classic example of when being right or righteous locks us in to being unhappy and believing we don’t have choices available to us.

My promise was only made out of desperation. That belief locked me into believing I had no choice at all. I wrongly thought that a promise is a promise. Who said? What if a promise is made under duress? What if circumstances change?

Are you willing to own where you are at currently in life and stop blaming? Even if it is because of abuse from someone that you have landed where you are in your life? You must own where you are, because if it is their fault then you are giving ownership and responsibility of your life and choices to them, rendering YOU helpless. You cannot be saved! You cannot change your situation because you cannot change them. This is why so many people are stuck.

However, let it be that you surrender to putting it this way: ‘In realising that either by the sum total of the choices made by me, somewhere in my past, either



consciously or “outside of my awareness” (unconsciously), I in fact brought myself to this point.’

I found this quite a bitter pill to swallow at first, until I realised that this meant I had future choices to make, and if I made them more wisely I could break the cycle I was in. This means that every day we have many choices to make and at any time we can make new ones.

I did not try to understand too deeply why such horrors can be bestowed on children, natural disasters or anything like that, because no one knows just yet and so I leave it there. The search for the ‘why’ often locks us away from happiness. Let’s face it, we cannot understand everything, but it’s ok not to. You don’t have to understand it to let it go, regardless of what people think. I have learnt that when it involves nature or another person, we can never understood fully, not ever, so to search for the understanding is a waste of time, energy and happiness.

Adults make lots of choices, and even as a child, although I thought I didn’t have choices, my mind was set to bring certain happenings about because I didn’t know the power of my mind, or that choice was available. I was just doing everything on autopilot and I thought it was my un-chosen destiny. When I believe I am a victim of life, I have no choice and may as well live in fear. I did exactly that, until I woke up and set myself free. In fact, I now believe I lived so much in fear that I kept creating more to fear until it became bone chilling terror. There is a whole section on that subject for good reason.

My life is so wonderful at times now that I want others to know this exists if they don’t already, especially for those so far from it. I make great big choices as often as I like. Oh I still make bad (and sometimes very dumb) choices, but I can at least recognise it for what it is when I do get a negative outcome. I only need to rewind the situation far enough to find it. I know to also forgive myself for making the poor choice after realising I did make one, even if it was out of my awareness when I made it, or that it was my negative focus (energy) that brought it about. As long as the learning is received, the responsibility taken, you are more likely to not duplicate the process.

This is what awareness is. Stepping up does not mean becoming infallible; it’s about being accountable to yourself, NOT blaming yourself. It’s about learning from your mistakes. It’s about breaking negative cycles. You don’t have to be perfect, especially once you learn to forgive yourself and have

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some faith in the person in the mirror. I trust myself a whole lot more now. I love who I am too, even when I do silly things. I can laugh at myself and not take myself too seriously. Guilt is an emotion of the past for me. I know what I changed and exactly what continues to work. I test it every day and I get luckier and luckier and yet it has nothing to do with luck, or logic.

For example: I cannot change the people who hurt me in my life, but I can wave my hands in the air and say ‘OK, WHATEVER! It’s all just perspective anyway. This is about crossing the line from effect to cause, from victim to victory!’ It’s a mindset for your own empowerment and your own good. It’s about your perception of what happens to you and the choices you have in that. This is the attitude to adopt for transformation.

I choose to believe that I chose (regardless of how foolish or innocently or circumstance based) my past boyfriends as my partners in the first place. Well, didn’t I? I chose to go out on my eighteenth birthday, didn’t I? I chose to date those men, didn’t I? I dropped my children off at that house, didn’t I? I ran into the bush to play, and it was me who just was young and not aware of the energy I was sending out.

The wrong thing to interpret this as meaning would be guilt. Please understand, it’s the freedom to take charge of your life, guilt-free, fear-free, anger-free, hurt-free, resentment-free, disappointment-free, sadness-free, and whatever else you need freeing from.

I even choose to believe that my father was innocent in not knowing the choices available to him about how to treat me and how he perceived my existence in his life. He was doing the best he could at the time with the level of awareness, education, lack of emotional intelligence, lack of empathy and his perceptions and understandings at the time. Perhaps he wasn’t capable of realising the price of treating people poorly. The choice to let him determine my happiness or lack of just seems silly now when I see things through my transformed eyes now.

The reason I choose to think these thoughts is because they empower me to take over the responsibility for my own level of happiness, and they allow me to let it go. If you are having trouble grasping this, don’t worry, the fog will clear the more you read on …

I don’t blame myself, I just don’t blame full stop. But I do, however, own that in some way I possibly caused the chain of events that lead to those



events. All blame is bad and guilt is even more useless. It is a waste of time and emotion. ‘Cause’ is just taking responsibility. It is what stops the blame game so that you can learn from it and move forward.

Self-forgiveness for my stupidity and faults in my past was a crucial part of my personal process of changing my life. We will later touch on that because as humans, being at ‘cause’ means accountability. I wondered that if I had been so stupid in my past how would I be able to be so smart to make better choices, but when you follow this process you realise you are already smart, it’s just the choices (behaviour) that are sometimes foolish, not the person.

Choosing to listen to me is another choice you get to make. You cannot go back and change the past, but you can transform your future. You can make daily choices that may be different to yesterday’s choices. You can choose different thoughts to yesterday’s thoughts, you can respond differently to old situations and therefore you can change the course of your destiny.

The ‘why’ bad stuff happened to us just has no relevance, unless of course you would like to go insane. We will never fully understand why someone else does what they do. We never get to experience and FULLY understand another human being. We each have our own unique model of the world, as unique as our fingerprint.

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MIND POWER

Men are not prisoners of fate, but prisoners of their own minds.

Franklin D. Roosevelt

All

LEARNING,

BEHAVIOUR AND CHANGE

Is UNCONSCIOUS!

These three elements are often mistaken as being 100% ‘conscious’ processes. Once fully adopted, the UNconscious mind actually takes over. Understanding this can make a big difference. What I mean by that is, for example, when you first had to fully concentrate all of your awareness (the process of the conscious mind) to tie that shoelace, it was not really learned until you could do it without having to focus fully on it. In fact you can now do it while thinking of something totally different and later not even consciously remember doing it. Is that right?



YOUR TWO MINDS

(Although there is common belief out there that we each have more than two minds, I address and refer to these two only in this book. When I say ‘Unconscious’, I mean ‘out of conscious awareness’, therefore when I say ‘Conscious’ I mean ‘that which you are aware of’. Unconscious, subconscious and non-conscious as I refer to these terms, all mean the same in this book. At times I may abbreviate them to UM for Unconscious Mind and CM for Conscious Mind.)

If you do not yet know about these, let me introduce you to the UM and the CM. They each have separate roles, however they are both you. Have you ever heard someone say they are in two minds? They were. Your UM runs you more than 90% of the time and your CM can only operate at about 10% max.

The CM is the one that will set a goal. For example, a goal might be to save enough money to go on a holiday in 12 months time. Consciously you say affirmations out loud and make tracking sheets and a goal poster. You are consciously excited and want it badly, which is all great.

Did you know though, that the UM is the one that will determine whether that goal is actually realised? Affirmations do work but only when done in sync with the UM.

In other words, if they are done just by voicing them only, then they must be done habitually for at least 30 days to attempt to form a new habit. Now add these processes into the mix: say them in front of a mirror with eye contact, repetitively and with positive mind pictures and feelings happening at the same time, using all the senses, in sync with your beliefs and values, while having the feeling of certainty inside you at the same time, and then they are much more likely to produce results. The exercises I have for you in this book are more effective than affirmations.

If merely said, the UM will not pay a lot of attention. The affirmation will just get mixed up with all the other things you say that you will do and don’t end up doing.

Tip: Touching your throat when you say them is another way of instructing your UM that you mean business. It recognises the vibration as being more than what usually happens when you say stuff that you never usually do.

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Old patterns of behaviour, habits and sabotaging thoughts happen out of consciousness, even useful ones. The programming of the UM has the power over your CM. For as long as you can consciously stay focused on what you want, your UM will be at the task longer. It is at the task 24/7, asleep and awake. It only can play the programs you installed. When is the last time you updated the software of your mind anyway? When is the last time you ran a virus scan? What about archiving or deleting old files that no longer serves you?

Self-sabotage wears many masks. For example: the inner voice playing in the background of your head. The voice of a father or somebody in authority or who you respected a long time ago saying something like ‘holidays are for the lazy’ or ‘there are more important things to spend money on than such luxuries’ or ‘you are always doing stupid things’ is not necessarily in your current best interest. This could make you feel not congruent (aligned) internally about your goals.

Procrastination is likely to occur, or perhaps ‘creative avoidance’. You can make excuses, and things seemingly just ‘happen’ that direct you away from the goal tasks that you had originally set consciously. All seemingly justified, of course!

You either get your result or you have reasons as to why you didn’t. The two cannot both happen. Results happen when the two minds are aligned, working together as one.

To sum it up, the CM is the goal ‘setter’; however, the UM is the goal ‘getter’. This is very valuable information for those trying to succeed and achieve goals. Merely deciding you want something is great to set you on the path and devise a plan. In fact, it is especially necessary if you don’t have a defined purpose; however, the UM could have established patterns that are used to ‘not’ doing what that new goal requires you to do.

If, at a deep-seated level in the UM, a particular goal conflicts with your values (or beliefs), regardless of whether they are limiting or not, your UM will go into sabotage mode. It knows no other way than how you instructed and programmed it. Your UM will always win out. That is why it pays to get both minds aligned as one. This helps decision making become easier too.

Imagine a mother of three children sets a goal for a new career level in her current company. She may believe that to be a good role model and give her children better opportunities growing up and to set them up for a



good education and work ethic, her advancement would be of great benefit. She ‘consciously’ feels great about this and that she is doing a good thing. We each are unique and can believe whatever we want to, if that is hers, fine.

However, the old record playing at an unconscious level is her mother’s voice saying ‘working mothers are bad mothers’ or perhaps someone in her circle of influence said ‘your place as a woman is to raise a family at home whilst the father goes to work’. Sometimes it’s not something she may have heard but perhaps it’s all she ever knew in the past because past generations behaved that way, causing her to doubt her own values. What she thinks is her ‘gut instinct’ telling her not to do it, is just her mother’s echo.

Quite often these problems present themselves disguised as people who just cannot work out why they just don’t achieve their goals. If decisiveness is something you struggle with, this is probably why. It is called inner conflict. Your CM and UM or even several parts of your UM can be divided and represent different values. We often mistake it as a ‘sign’ that we shouldn’t proceed rather than realise that it’s not even our own voice. Sounds complicated huh? Well you just need to know what to do about it, not necessarily understand it.

The oneness of our two minds working harmoniously can become separated, and for some people they can divide into even more parts. These parts represent the different beliefs and different people who once influenced us when it was appropriate, they even sound like them, because they are just the echo of that person. They had a strong influence on us but now we are adults we have the choice whether to still believe the same ol’ or whether to change them to suit us now.

The voices I heard in my head were sometimes ‘you’re just useless so why bother’ or ‘for f**k sake take what you can get’ or ‘it’s your lot in life so get over yourself and get used to it’ for example. Well you probably did notice I was pretty messed up. They were not my voice, just old voices of other people or my own interpretation of how I was treated or what I witnessed in others. It was just my low self-esteem from everything that happened back in the days when my judgments and value of myself were formed from observing other people and my environment.

Often we still carry the old beliefs of our parents or our past circle of influence, and if it were still that bygone era with old-technology, and when life was how it was back then, in that same old set of circumstances,

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it might have been beneficial. But now it stops you from believing another belief that will serve you better. Often these are out-dated, non-serving beliefs that to us make sense, because we have simply never considered deciding to believe something else. We can choose our own beliefs but we just don’t know that we can.

The instructions you give your UM are mostly the records you play at an unconscious level every day in your head. Not because it actually knows best, it’s just ‘programming’. We entertain between 50,000–80,000 daily thoughts of which 80% are recycled old sabotaging thoughts. The very ones that got you stuck at point ‘A’.

The old records playing in our head could be the echoes from past schoolteachers, parents, siblings, relatives, peers, or anyone who had a limiting belief, possibly even the media. A good example in 2009 was the state of the ‘economy’ publicised on every television station and newspaper daily and described as the year of the financial crisis. It was the worst global economic disaster since the 1930s and even referred to as the ‘Great Recession’. That was the year I broke the records in cosmetic sales, of all things. For this reason, if I see a news broadcast that causes me to doubt my chosen beliefs that are freeing me from restriction, I will turn it off. Simple! I get to choose my exposure.

I am not discounting the suffering, it’s just that if I can’t make it better, I may as well do my best to make sure I don’t join it. However, in doing what I did I helped other people to make money in the meantime. It was a win/win/win/win. Client happy, consultant happy, director happy, company happy, not to mention the fall-out to the thousands of women’s families who benefitted in that yea. It’s all a matter of perception as you are no doubt starting to notice.

They are just beliefs that you have picked up from somewhere. This creates procrastination, blame, inner conflict, frustration and confusion, not to mention damage to our confidence and success.

This divides the UM and the CM and this is when it freezes us from motion. We are so conflicted internally that the positive counteracts the negative and vice versa causing in-action instead of action. Not good. If we are continually programing our mind and using it as we do, we may as well know how to push the right buttons to get the best out of it, don’t you think?



You are NOT your beliefs, just like you are not your behaviours, you are way, way, WAY more than any of that. If that were the case it would be true that you are eleven years old when you have actually turned twelve. After all, it was once true that you were eleven years old. A truth can change! I once was a smoker, to believe ‘I am a smoker’ was once true for me, but not anymore. Beliefs change all the time, just change the limiting ones to empowering ones. What is right anyway? Who cares?

YOU are driving ‘the bus’, you control your mind, you get to make new choices if you want to. This is all about choosing total fulfillment, choosing happiness, your own transformation to be/do/have your hearts desires instead of staying stuck in your current position.

So how does one go about re-programming the UM for success and happiness? Well, that is what we will discover together in this very section.

If you are good at procrastination, be aware that your UM might need a little exercise to get it active again. It might just like lying around in a cloak of justification playing old recordings, throwing pity parties and chewing on ‘what if’. To shake it up a little, expect it to have a little tantrum, it is to be expected. It is totally normal. Your UM probably has other ideas about going to work.

Mind you, it has possibly had such hazy and in-congruent instructions from the many voices it remembers, and your own hazy direction, which hasn’t really been serving you to its fullest.

Once both minds are given congruent instructions, blocks are removed. The two minds work in sync towards the one goal, the one target, the one purpose, and you get what you want. You will be a success seeking missile, seeking out what you clearly define to yourself that you want, or the purpose that makes your heart sing, and are aligned with your values. You swap old sabotaging beliefs with new and empowering ones.

That is how you will become the master of your own success, your own destiny. You will simply place the order at the shop of dreams and they will timely be delivered to your door, when you ‘use’ this manual and not just read it. It is so much fun to drive your own mind on purpose. You drive it anyway all day long and always have. Now you will move up and get your open license to drive your own mind.

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THE MIND AND BODY CONNECTION

If it is true that our emotions and every time we have ever felt them remain stored holographically in the memory of every cell in our body, it therefore makes sense that this can affect our health. I personally believe that disease is one way the UM has to communicate with us. It is a desperate plea from our UM that it wants us to stop and acknowledge a negative emotion which we continue to deny.

That does not mean it wants you to focus on it, just feel it and acknowledge it so that it can be released. I have witnessed miracles with my own eyes, again and again, of NLP (Neuro-linguistic-programming) techniques, hypnosis and time related techniques releasing pain. Here is why I adamantly believe this …

Only last month I helped a 38-year-old single mother with a two year chronic arm pain. She couldn’t lift it more than forty-five degrees. She was taking regular medication and needed her teenage daughter to help her wash her hair and do most things around the house. Within one hour she was able to put the cups on the top shelf cupboard and is still pain free. The emotions she acknowledged (hurt and anger from goodness knows what) and momentarily felt. These were not what she expected however it released the pain instantly.

I watched a man who’d had twenty years of 8 out of 10 pain, release in less than ten minutes to a 0 out of 10. I checked many months later and he was still pain free. He realised it was anger at himself for not getting professional coaching in his younger days when playing baseball.

I saw a man who lived with crippling back pain for three years release the pain from his body by releasing suppressed sadness. Of course it did not make any sense to him, however he did have to acknowledge it and just like magic, the pain was totally, and I mean totally gone. It sounds so simple doesn’t it? When you learn more about the UM the simpler everything seems and is.

Depending, of course, on the individual and their willingness at all levels to participate, your mind and body are one. This does not work for everyone because it depends on several factors. If you fight it or blame other causes then of course it does not work, especially if there is secondary gain and your identity is entwined in having the ailment. Beliefs may need to change to be able to access them. In other words you have to



be open to it working. You also must have a lot of positive value in releasing it.

One of the roles of our UM is to preserve the body. It wants to heal itself; after all, it made itself sick in the first place, but only to get your attention. It did it because it is the only way it has of communicating to us symbolically. When its message is heard, it undoes the physical ailment. It drives every cell, every drop of blood and its properties. Every organ is guided through its paces in sync like billions of symphonies all aligning to play the most perfect piece of music ever.

I have discovered that logic has no place in reality. Logic had nothing to do with me achieving what I have. Logically, a girl from the wrong side of the tracks, with little education or experience, just doesn’t stand a chance achieving some of the things I have. Logically, that pain could not be removed like that from grown men and women – not that easily – until I saw it with my own eyes. I’ve experienced the releasing of my tennis elbow pain as well. It took me months to locate that emotion but when I did – gone!

A sceptic said to me the other day, ‘They just probably believed the pain went’, to which I replied, ‘So?’ If it’s gone it’s gone. Two out of the three cases above did not believe it would work at all, until it did. They were very open to trying something different and were ready to let it go and went with the process. Each person totally astounded.

The medical health industry uses the law of logic I am afraid. Logically I should be on medication forever – expensive and with medication with heavy side-effects, I might add. Most members of the medical community snigger (not all, as they are wakening) at the mention of emotions being the possible cause to illness. I have learnt when to keep my mouth shut when I know it won’t be heard anyway. My dentist thought I was cuckoo when I mentioned it. Whatever!

Those people who rely on scientific proof, must know the in’s and out’s, must fully comprehend before believing in anything. They are the ones who are most likely to stay stuck, the ones who find it the hardest to have faith, yet they are the ones who most need to discover this. However, I do believe they have the best of intentions.

THE DUTIES OF THE UNCONSCIOUS MIND

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This is interesting information for those of you who find it fascinating that you can control your destiny by understanding how to program your UM for success.

Here are just some of the duties of your UM:-

1. To preserve the body (it has a blue print of perfect health or else how would it know to fix a cut or mend a broken bone?).

2. To run the body (imagine running our organs consciously?). 3. It recognises and can communicate in symbolism. A good

book on this is ‘You can heal your body’ by Louise Hay (eg. You say something like you are in two minds, your UM disguises much of its messages in your language).

4. It takes everything personally. Eg. If you think someone is stupid, it thinks that you think YOU are stupid. (Best to think and speak great things of others then don’t you think?). THEY IS YOU!

5. Is where we house our emotions. If one is not very connected to their emotions that is usually because they are probably not well connected to their UM.

6. Does not process negatives. (Eg. ‘Don’t think of slipping’ causes you to imagine slipping. It does not hear the ‘don’t’, this is great to know. Don’t say ‘I don’t want to be poor’ when in fact you mean ‘I want to be wealthy’. UM thinks you want more ‘poor’ so it gives it to you on a plate with salad, fries and a large coke. It is a very good servant.)

7. Stores memories. 8. Categorises the memories into folders such as (a) A streamline

of time and (b) in subjects/gestalts. (Eg. Fear, anger, food, and millions of other subjects. Like a computer catalogues in date form and in files as well and even keywords. Computers were modelled from the human brain remember.)

9. Suppresses emotions for later resolution if it thinks you are not ready to deal with them. Then it brings them up when it thinks you can deal with them. OR causes you pain to get you to notice. (It’s not always when your CM feels like dealing with it either).

10. Seeks more and more! Your choice, either more of the same OR more in variety, depending on your programming. (It loves to learn ALL the time).

11. Chooses the path of least resistance! That is why you must be specific when asking for what you want. Eg. You say you want a new car and the next thing you know your existing car breaks



down. Now you HAVE to get a new car. Don’t laugh, this happened to me on more than one occasion before I learned this fact.

12. Distributes and transmits energy! Eg. Negative emotions are not good vibes to send out because like attracts like.

13. Enjoys serving when given clear, congruent and consistent orders! (For example: 1. One day we look in the mirror and say ‘I look crap today’, the next day we look and say ‘I look pretty good’. That is not congruent. 2. The CM says ‘I am sick of being broke all the time’, UM mind hears broke and serves you well by giving you that) Tis your very own Jeanie in a bottle should you know how to rub it properly.

14. Likes to form habits! The more you do the same thing, the more likely you are to hand that job over to the UM. (When you learnt to drive a car, at first it was a very conscious act to manoeuvre so many activities on purpose. That is when it was hardest. The more you did it the more the UM realised this was to be a new habit. Then it took over. Now you can drive without even remembering to turn the key, keep your foot on the brake, press in on the clutch, check the mirrors, put it in gear, slowly release the clutch at just the right pressure, accelerate slowly, checking the mirrors, releasing the handbrake, talking to a passenger all at once).

15. It doesn’t work well with inner-conflict, it works best as one whole unit!

THE POWER OF YOUR IMAGINATION

All great accomplishments started first with a dream. Ask an athlete, a movie star or anyone who lives passionately. The ability to dream is rife amongst children until we stifle it. Little children are told to dream in fairy tales. They say, ‘Dad, I am going to be an astronaut?’ or ‘Mum, I am a princess’, and what do we say? ‘Of course you will be darling, of course you are.’

What do we sometimes say to a teenager who says, ‘I am going to be a millionaire, a famous actor, an athlete or a rock star’, or whatever they are dreaming of when they are about to leave school? ‘Yeah sure love, you just go and take anything you can get because it’s a dog-eat-dog world out

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there, beggars can’t be choosers so get your head out of the clouds and get a “good” job.’ What is a good job? According to whom? Imagine making a life and income from living your dreams. It’s only impossible if you think it is.

Anyway, since when did a dog eat a dog? Who said life ain’t a fairy tale? Beggars do so have choices. To some people money is not a worry at all, and they don’t work as hard as some poor people I know. Don’t you dare stop dreaming or did you already? Well it’s not too late to learn how to do it again.

How many times at school and beyond are children told, ‘stop dreaming’ and go to work. School ‘day dreamers’ are doing what comes naturally. Let’s face it; the ‘system’ often does not encourage the dreamer, so we go on to think that dreaming is useless and silly. We disconnect with our UM. We stop dreaming.

If we had parents who had poor money beliefs, then we possibly adopted them too, and stifled our own ability to dream and ‘call in’ wealth in unlimited abundance. Our own stunted thinking (regardless of how right we think we are and that we think we ‘know’ what is the real truth) about finance, money, wealth, deserving levels and how money gets around and comes into our life, is what actually can stop us having more than barely enough.

Beliefs lock us into ‘cycles’, sometimes good and sometimes bad.

How many times have we heard stories about someone who had a massive dream, very little education and a tough upbringing, and yet they made it bigger than most. The dream is where it starts, the rest you can learn and change. Is it time you started to dream again? I don’t mean dreaming small, I mean big dreams, the ones that cause us to gulp.

Can you remember a time when you had dreams? Maybe you do have dreams already. If you had nothing whatsoever that could stop you, what would you do, what would you be like, what would you have, where would you go?

My first dream was when I wanted a better life and decided to get one. I dreamt of happiness and laughter, that was enough. Once I found the business that was my vehicle out of my despair cycle, I began to really dream. First of all they were small ones, then I got bolder and now I have massive dreams that some people raise their eyebrows at.



Go get your own dreams. Don’t live other people’s dreams because that will surely end in regret. I don’t care what anyone else thinks, what is important is what you believe and you are the only one responsible for keeping your own dreams alive. Your life is your own, take responsibility for it, don’t forfeit it for others.

Dreambusters are par for the course. They are well meaning and often are our loved ones. They have their world to live in and their own life to live, you have yours. No one else gets to live yours.

In fact, people who often love to give their opinion as to why we should choose different dreams or have none at all, are the exact example of what will happen to you if you listen to them. Would you trade places with them? One thing I can promise you is, if you were to spend time with the person who is living the lifestyle you dream of living, they would encourage you ‘towards’ your own dreams regardless of whether they thought they made sense or not.

My thoughts about who to take advice from: ‘I will listen to your advice under two conditions, one, if you specialise in the knowledge I seek and use it yourself, and two, if you are living the example of what I do not yet have, but want, then I will listen to you.’ Happiness advice I will receive from a happy person for example. Everyone else I simply hear their words as just words, and then I run them through my dream, heart and mind filters to get a sense of whether it fits and makes sense and if it feels right, before I do anything with their words.

My best friend meant well when she told me I was stupid to take on the business I did, but I really shudder to think where I would be if I had listened to her. You can love the messenger and you do not have to heed the message.

That being said, I at least minimized my exposure to anyone who made me feel less than 100% positive about myself, my decisions and my dreams. I continue to do that. If you absolutely must share your time and space with ‘cellar dwellers’ (dream busters or do-gooders), and we all have those such as family members or associates who we may love dearly but if they bring you down about it, don’t discuss your dreams with them.

Just talk to them about mutual topics, or about them. It always works well to change the subject. Protect your dreams. They feed your passion. They are what truly motivate us. A lifeless un-energetic person is not pursuing a dream. A dream should be so bright that you need sunglasses on (as

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Oprah would say) because they are full of life and energy and they make our heart sing.

If your nearest and dearest don’t believe in your dreams, or that you can achieve them, ask them politely to refrain from commenting and tell them that you love them, but it makes you feel less than 100% when they say what they say to you about it. Tell them that from now on you will not discuss that one particular subject with them, and then say, ‘is that alright with you?’

They will then realise that they are not supporting you. Sometimes we are too afraid to hurt their feelings, so we don’t say anything. We trade our beliefs for theirs, our good feelings for theirs. That tells your UM (your inner child, your heart, your spirit or whatever other name you have for your core being) that the other person is more important than you are. That is not good for your own esteem and confidence.

If you are in the cycle of always taking advice from others, even when it makes you unhappy, you must break that cycle, you are allowing it. This is a great example of the many choices that seem small at the time, but like a disease they eat away at your esteem and this feeds into other problems usually.

Guard your dreams with all your might, without being defensive. Defensive energy is bad energy. No one has to agree with your dreams. It doesn’t have to fit into their model of the world, just yours.

Every time I didn’t say ‘no’ when I inwardly wanted to or I decided not to speak my mind in my past it was a message to my UM that I believed the other person is worth more than I am. I was the one making sure I was stuck in that cycle.

The power to dream is every human’s right. ‘For whatever the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve.’ You cannot dream something that is not possible. All great achievements began with a dream.

Most big time achievers just knew it would happen, perhaps not at the beginning but certainly before it eventuated. They dreamt it often and they saw themselves having achieved their dream firstly in their mind. All achievements are at one time, a mind picture. From there it can become a goal or a passion fuelled purpose, be acted upon and become real. Dreams really do come true when you know how to give them life.



When I couldn’t dream of another more fruitful life I couldn’t have it. Almost as soon as I dreamt it I began the journey. Just wishing my misery would stop was causing nightmare images, not desirable dream images.

Deciding and dreaming is when transformation first begins. What are we if we do not have a dream in our heart? Not very passionate about life, that is for sure. Our UM loves to dream. It’s one of the ways to rub your Jeanie that actually can create momentous motion. It’s like setting your mind’s GPS with a destination. A little direction is what is needed to jumpstart your journey. Otherwise your thoughts will take you elsewhere to where you likely don’t want to go, or don’t care to go.

Whenever we think of anything at all, in our mind’s eye (so to speak), we form pictures. Sometimes the picture is clear, sometimes hazy. Sometimes it is black and white and sometimes it is in colour. Sometimes we are looking through our own eyes and sometimes we see our self in the picture. Sometimes we hear sounds as if they are coming from inside our head, and sometimes the voices of others. Sometimes we have strong feelings at the same time and sometimes there are none. Sometimes they are felt in the pit of our stomach and sometimes in other parts of the body.

Phew, did you realise what really goes on inside you as you go about your 50,000–80,000 ‘thoughts’ each day?

The power of our imagination is what got suppressed at an early age because it was considered silly to dream as we got older. Instead we let it get pictures unintentionally from unconscious programing instead.

The mind and body are intricately connected. For example, if I actually see a snake at my feet or I just imagine that a piece of rope is a snake; I will react in the exact same way. The body releases cortisol and adrenaline in the exact same intensity as if it was a real snake. If my mind believed it was a dangerous snake, well it may as well have been. Is that revelation as remarkable to you as it was to me? Your mind holds your power; you have the key and now the software.

What does all this mean? Well, to me it means that the power of the imagination, or these days referred to as ‘strategic purposeful visualisation’, has the power to affect the body. Imagine knowing how to get yourself to do what you desire to achieve from it. Heck, we do it all day long anyway, but look what we get by not knowing how to do it strategically and purposefully. If the mind and body are so connected, and they are, then

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the possibilities are endless. Well, that is why people are told to create a goal poster or a vision board; it is a visual tool, a tangible representation of their imagination.

The picture in the mind should be one of positive power, not one of negative power, but there is more to it than just that. The picture should involve all of the five senses and also a good ‘feeling’, to fully attract the achievement to you like a very strong magnet. This leads me to the next most relevant learning. (At the end of my book I recommend a program that you can use to make your own compelling personalised mind movies if you are not too consciously visual.)

RELEASE ‘THEM’

If you don’t forgive, it is like using last night’s rubbish and making dinner with it the next night. This can make you very sick on the inside. Another way of looking at it is that resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die from it.

Do you know how monkey-poachers catch monkeys in Malaysia? A very wise man told me that they cut a hole in a coconut, put candy in it as bait, and tie the coconut to a coconut tree. That is it. The monkey comes along, and to get the candy, his hand fits nicely in through the hole however when he forms a fist full of candy, his hand won’t fit back out of the hole. He remains there like that, imprisoned (seemingly against his will) until the poachers come along and do what poachers do to captured monkeys. What two words would you like to tell that monkey to do to that candy?

Ouch, just how does one forgive a monster or anyone who you feel has wronged you? How does one forgive anyway, what is the process? Does forgiveness mean that you in some way condone that terrible behaviour that was inflicted upon you, against your will? Absolutely NOT! For ages I struggled with this concept. I would say, ‘What do you mean, forgive the bastards? No! I certainly will not. They hurt me and mine and they must be punished.’

Well, ladies and gents, frankly, that is the exact attitude I had that kept me stuck in the ‘unhappy’ cycle of more of the same. I was an eye-for-an-eye gal and a tooth-for-a-tooth. I wanted revenge before I could possibly contemplate forgiveness.



BUT, I grasped this concept because I’d had enough. I was ready to have more of an open mind, so I began to get curious about learning more about getting my life in order, so I did what I had to do. Forgiveness freed me regardless of what it did for those who’d wronged me. They were not living in torment anyway, but I was and I wanted out. I didn’t have the time to wait for ‘karma’ to get them as I believed would happen. As long as we hold negative energy towards anything bad we keep it alive and lock it in place. We feed it which just makes it worse.

Forgiveness does not mean you condone the behaviour of the other person, it means that you are willing to let them go, to release them, to not give them any more of your energy. It is letting go, releasing, setting yourself free from the linkage to them. If like attracts like (that is a later lesson), then by focusing on feeling the negative emotions and energy of hurt or anger, or even sadness or fear, (without the intention of letting them go) is likely to attract more of the same events that will call the same emotions into your life. More opportunities to experience that same bad emotion are likely to be presented.

Ever heard the saying it happens in threes? That is because of the focus on the first one, then the second one, then by the time the third one happens we feel complete and focus on something else which distracts us from creating a forth. That’s my perspective on ‘it happens in three’s’ anyway.

You will be creating the exact experience you do not want in your life anymore, perhaps in a different form like I did. My old life cycle was always about injustice, not being valued or feeling victimised, did you notice that? Wasn’t I good at it too? What’s the chance of having 6 different monumental life events involving guns, intimidation and fear in the first 33 years of your life? Three of them before I was even eighteen? Who has that happen? I did! That’s how good I was at calling in. Was it just bad luck?

Before we move on to the most beneficial way to move past a painful past and learn the best way to let go, I want to tell you about an even easier way to do it. RELEASE THE EMOTIONAL CHARGE off it and the problem won’t need any strategy because it disappears and only the memory remains, but without the need to visit that memory, and so moving forward can happen effortlessly.

Emotion keeps the past alive in our present. Remove the emotions, the past issue dissolves into insignificance. I have a technique for you later to

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do that but here is how to see those who may have wronged you for your own empowerment.

Here is one simple way to understand how to forgive your enemies, forgive yourself and all of the wrong-doers that in some way have you feeling negative emotions. Adopt the beliefs below that I will explain in more detail soon….

ASSUMPTIONS (BELIEFS) FOR EMPOWERMENT

1. ‘People are not their behaviours’. Set them apart and there is hope, keep them as one and there is no hope.

2. ‘All behaviour has positive intent’. The intention was not to have you in an emotional spiral of torment into hell. The intention was about them feeling a certain way, not making YOU feel anything bad unless it was to make THEM gain positively (in their mind, not yours) from it. They weren’t thinking about how you were feeling at all, they were thinking about themselves. If they did try to hurt you, it was about how they perceived that would make THEM feel. In the end it’s about them NOT you.

3. ‘They (regardless of whether they are family, friend or foe) chose their behaviour based on their level of awareness, education, knowledge, circumstances, level of emotional intelligence and ability to empathise, past, perception, resources and understanding that was available to them at that time.’ Perhaps they were raised in such a way where they simply are incapable of love, or incapable of your preferred treatment. It’s just not relevant to you moving on because that is what this is about!

This viewpoint can help us see our abuse from others for what it is. Bad behaviour and bad choices made by people without the necessary resources to deal with the situation effectively and empathetically! To take those issues with us into our future is to let the monkey they carry on their back, jump onto our back. I was messed up enough thanks. I had my own truckload of monkeys on my back to shake off. I didn’t need their



problems anymore if I was going to escape that cycle, in fact by letting them go my own monkey count was dropping FAST.

I’d already suffered enough from the events themselves and the years of inner torment afterwards, it was time for me to move forward, to honour me. No one else can do it for us.

I am going on about this because this is where I see so many people stuck in life, at the cost of their own happiness.

I also never saw any alternate options to my choices or behaviour back then either. My instinct was flight not fight and my ex’s was fight not flight. I had fear as my middle name back then. I was predisposed and well versed in misery so I reacted and perceived my situation the only way I knew how to. Someone else could have chosen to react differently, who knows. Hindsight is well and good but back then, that short little man was the size of Ayers Rock as far as I was concerned. No one else could have persuaded me otherwise. I only had my own set of eyes to see it through and via my own set of filters. We cannot borrow life filters and that is the way of it.

What about the fool who raped me, or the one who abducted that other woman who I actually thought might have been me if I had given my address? What about the one who overdosed on my floor? What about all the foolish things people do under certain conditions? If they are not their behaviours then they can somehow, some day change their ways, even us, unless we are perfect.

If not, scrap the prison reform programs because there is no hope, even if that is your son; just throw away the key. Tar them all with the same brush.

You do not have to care about them or how they are coping or whether they even know they ever did anything wrong. That is not the issue here because you don’t have to care for them or if they will change or express remorse for you to be able to release them. Just release them and the emotional attachment to them and set YOURSELF free. We have our own life fulfillment to care about.

My bashing was not just for me to suffer, it was how that would make him feel when he did that. So in the end, it was about him. Even though it was months after our separation, he’d moved town and returned again, he still thought he could have everything his own way and that I somehow

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belonged to him. He didn’t even link his infidelity to the mess that had become our lives. His resources didn’t allow for that. That issue was his problem. I can’t loan him my filters, he only has his.

He couldn’t do something he didn’t know how to do. He acted instinctively without consideration of the consequences of his actions, to me, to the kids, to my family, because he was incapable of doing so. It was unfathomable to him.

No one really can see the world through someone else’s eyes, ever, however most people have empathy and contemplate possible repercussions which cause them to reconsider physical violence as the option of choice, thus most people stop prior to the point of no return. My ex didn’t have that as one of his resources available to him. Often abusers don’t, which is why it is useless to sit around waiting for them to snap out of it.

That’s not to say they won’t somehow discover that resource later, but time is too precious to wait when it shouldn’t even be your concern. He couldn’t do something he couldn’t do. He makes his choices, and I make mine. Yes, we paid a heavy price for his inconsiderate actions, and I do not condone his choices at all, or even have to like him, but to not release him, would hurt whom?

Here is how I could release my father. I believe my father had a warped belief that I represented the loss of his freedom or perhaps he was jealous and not ready to have to share my mother. Maybe that is how he was treated as a child. Who knows? It suited me to believe these possibilities because that made it easier for me to move forward.

Who knows the ‘why’? The point is, to just realise this as true for the sake of your own improvement. Why stay in the prison of torment when you can escape. This is simply a formula for your own freedom.

When we point a finger, there are three pointing back at us. Don’t forget, the UM thinks that what you think of others, you think of yourself. That is enough reason to stop blaming.

Imagine if we were our behaviours? Have you ever done or said something you wish you didn’t? What’s the worst thing you have done? Well imagine having to pay your entire life for it? Whatever we wish on others, we impose as a ‘new rule to never break’ on our self, which is fine if all you do is wish people well. If we condemn others, even for petty



indifference, then should we slip up in any way at any stage and not be perfect after all, then we must our self be condemned. That is too much responsibility for me thanks. I have enough to worry about without the need to be perfect and above reproach. I am ok with my human-ness. If I fall I will do my best to fix it, search for the lessons then forgive myself and move on.

RELEASE THE NEED TO CONTROL

Let’s move on from abuse now and onto setting ourselves free from perfectionism. Condemn others, even for petty indifferences and perfectionism is formed. Stop condemning people for not being like you and treating them as if they are their behaviours and you can be human and fallible, and you will be forgiven. It’s better to let them go than to worry about their imperfections, because it causes you to have to always be focused on being perfect and above reproach. Allow yourself to be ok with your human-ness. Learn to laugh at yourself when you do silly things.

When we demand perfection from others, we demand perfection from ourselves and that ends in misery. Perfectionists take heed, this is extremely valuable information, and it will help you to stress less.

I would say that 50% of my breakthrough clients consider themselves perfectionists. This is my indicator that I must teach them and change the limiting belief they hold to be true that others must be perfect. Let up on others and you give your own UM permission to let up on you. Perfectionism is the fear of ‘if it is not perfect’ then what will that say about me? It is inherently just a sign of a low self-worth and fear. Don’t worry, that limiting belief can be changed.

Are you with me so far? I hope so. If you are, you are well on your way to an exciting new life full of rich meaning and fulfillment, such joy awaits you. If you are still not quite with me, take a deep breath and read on anyway, for all will make sense soon enough.

The past was necessary for you to get to this moment in time. Start small and use your small successes as fuel to let go a little more. Bit by bit you can retrain your UM.

You are the only one who gets to think in your mind, you are the only one who gets to ‘feel’ in your body. You are the only one who presses all the

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buttons. You are the power in your world. Our mind creates our future and we control our mind.



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To your amazing life!

Maz

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