How do we Improve attainment in writing?

Anneka Reece and Paul Milligan

Jumeirah College

Two Key Strands:

1. How do we IMPROVE writing?

2. How do we PROVE that we have done it?

How do we IMPROVE attainment?

Two key strands:

- Grammar, spelling, vocabulary

- Content and variety of style

What is wrong with this piece of

writing?

During the summer holidays, my family and I travelled to the U.K. We had a stupendous time! Whilst we were there, we took part in a plethora of activities including: cycling; horse-riding; walking and trampolining. My favourite part was watching my brother learn how to ride a bike; he did this with alacrity.

DSIB Criteria

Outstanding:Teaching is stimulating, imaginative and enthusiastic.

Good:

Teaching methods are imaginative and lead to a high level of interest from students.

• Inspire pupils

• Allow them to use their imagination

• Enable pupils to develop their own ‘voice’

in their writing.

• Get pupils excited about writing.

How can student writing become imaginative, original & engaging?

What can we use to get them

thinking?

- Pictures

- Music

- Movie clips

- Objects

- Eyes closed, teacher sets the scene

What do you see?

Drama

- Pupils have character role cards.

- Each group is given a different scenario.

Here are some excellent tools to make writing better

• Linking details

• Alternating tension

• The use of short and long sentences

• Imagery/ language features

• Effective paragraphing

“write so that every detail serves a purpose”

The elements in writing that:

• Tie ideas together (like glue)

• Makes the story believable

• show planning

Linking details

(title) “Coming home”

(line 1) “Mary Irwin was coming home.”

(line 37) “Mary had come home.”

(line 80) “He had come home.”

Every detail serves a purpose

Look at the underlined sections of the text – they give us clues to what happens at the end:

her terrible past experience

___ that the strange man is her son

decoration becomes weapon

Every detail serves a purpose

• Linking details

• Alternating tension

• The use of short and long sentences

• Imagery/ language features

• Effective paragraphing

Here are some essential tools

Tension (in writing):

Mental or emotional strain;

anxiety, or excitement.

Alternating tension

Se-ries1

0

0.1

0.2

0.3

0.4

0.5

0.6

0.7

0.8

0.9

1

Time

Te

ns

ion

Alternating tension

Like a cat watching a bird… It didn’t matter which carriage she got into, or at what hour – he

was always there.

Her journey was always a short one… A couple of minutes and she would be home. He did not leave the train.

Here she was at last. The station was deserted. Without a backwards glance, she headed for the exit. The train whined off into the darkness.

All at once, in the darkness between the street lights, a shadowy form moved. He was there! Panic floodedher body.

But the flat was close by. The key clattered in her shaking hands as she searched for the lock. Then she was inside, the door shut.

Se-ries1

0

0.5

1

1.5

2

2.5

3

Time

Te

ns

ion

Wh

y is

sh

e w

orr

ied

? W

hy

is s

he

lon

ely?

Th

e m

an!

He

foll

ow

ed h

er!

Sh

ort

jo

urn

ey -

ho

me A

ll e

nd

s h

app

ily

Sta

tio

n,

alo

ne

Pas

t m

yste

ry

Imag

inat

ion

Is m

y so

n d

ead

??M

an d

ow

n!

Cat

– m

an

ou

tsid

e!!

Alternating tension

• Linking details

• Alternating tension

• The use of short and long sentences

• Imagery/ language features

• Effective paragraphing

Here are some essential tools

Short and long sentences

Full stops are like breathing, or heartbeats.

The more full stops you use, the quicker the breathing;

the quicker the heartbeat.

Use short sentences for tense moments - action/ shock/ fear/ worry

He was there! Her throat

contracted. Panic flooded

her body. Tonight he had

followed her!

Short sentences – rapid breaths

Minutes went by. All was silent, inside and out. At last she (1) closed the curtains and (2) turned on the lights. (3) She cast an anxious eye over the small, cold flat, (4) drinking in the familiar sights with a sense of profound relief. (5) She put some milk on to boil, (6) mixed a hot drink, (7) swallowed a sedative, (8) changed into her dressing gown. Then she (9) tiptoed through the flat, (10) touching her modest possessions.

(What have we forgotten?)

Long sentences – create a list (or two)

• Linking details

• Alternating tension

• The use of long and short sentences

• Imagery/ language features

• Effective paragraphing

Here are some essential tools

•

• The moon shone madly.

• Panting like an animal…

• She was as good as dead.

• The cat screamed and fled.

(Personification)

(Simile)

(Simile)

(Personification)

Imagery/ language features

Imagery/ language features

• It was a cold, dismal night.

• The young man towered over her…

• The floodgates that had stood closed for years now burst.

• Her pain shuddered uncontrollably gushing out of her in a

long, choking sob, an ancient wound opened anew.

• Something in the young man’s pale face haunted her.

• She must get out, raise the alarm, call the police.

• late… last… cold… dismal… tired… pale… wrinkles…

dark… solitary… callousness… lost… cold…

inviolate... worried

Effective paragraphing

To show a change:

• A new location

• A new thought

• A new emotion

• A new time

Only one thing prevented her from panicking; her journey was always a short one – her station was next on the line. A couple of minutes and she would be home. He did not

leave the train: just sat there, his eyes straining to keep her in sight as the train separated them. Night after night.

Here she was at last. The station was deserted. Without a backwards glance, she headed for the exit, her heart already lifting with the thought that the bizarre nightly ordeal was over. The train whined off into the darkness. She turned to watch it go out of sight.

All at once, in the darkness between the street lights, a shadowy form

moved. He was there! Her throat contracted. Panic flooded her body. Tonight he had followed her! But the flat was close by. Walk, don’t run, she said to herself. You’ve got a head start and as long as he doesn’t break into a run you’ll get home first. She set off again, not daring to look back.

The key clattered in her shaking hands as she searched for

the lock. Then she was inside, the door shut.

She’s in the train, thinking about leaving.

He’s there! (New development!)

She’s on the platform (new location); the train leaves. She’s alone.

She’s home (new location); she’s OK.

• Linking details

• Alternating tension

• The use of short and long sentences

• Imagery/ language features

• Effective paragraphing

= highly planned, sophisticated

essay writing

Here are some essential tools

Describe this scene

in five complex

sentences

Now give the students a go!

• As the sun shone warmly down upon the mossy field, and as the lingering, cloying odour of the meadow flowers wafted towards the village, the birds began their song.

• The singing of the birds merged and mingled with the laughter of bubbling brooks and babbling children.

• The majestic mountains, resolute and splendid, stood tall, the silent shepherds watching over their flocks, keeping them surrounded.

Employ deliberately long, descriptive sentences

“Oh no.We’re stuck!”

For this paragraph, use short sentences, focus on sights and sounds, and include dialogue.

Consider the different style used here, compared to the previous paragraph. All essays should contain both.

The cable car stopped. There was no warning. We

were tipping perilously now. No one spoke. Then a

banging began. Women cried. Children screamed.

Men, teary-eyed, looked away. “Help me,” the

woman next to me pleaded. There was nothing I

could do. The banging was deafening. Then it

stopped. The cable ripped and zipped. It slashed

towards us like a snake. We fell.

Employ short sentences; consider sights and sounds

2. How do we PROVE that the pupils have improved their attainment in writing?

DSIB Criteria

-All students are engrossed in their work and make considerably better progress than might be expected.

-Most students make good progress.

Make success MEASURABLE

• Clear, easy to use, student-friendly targets.

• Allow pupils to write their own targets.

• use semi-colons/ personification/ alliteration in my writing today.

• use short sentences to show moments of shock/ a list to reduce tension/ complex sentences to set the scene.

• use a thesaurus to make a list of adjectives and I will tick them off as I use them in my writing.

• link paragraphs using connectives.

Examples of technical targets

I will…

• ensure there are three linking details in my essay.

• write an essay where the first and last sentences are the same.

• use three different writing styles in my essay.

• use metaphor/ exaggeration/ triadic structure

• use deliberate paragraphing.

Five content based/ style targets

I will…

Peer assessment

Pupils check their partner’s work against the criteria they set at the beginning of the lesson.

Pupils mark each other’s work looking for SPECIFIC criteria.

Two Key Strands:

1. How do we IMPROVE attainment?

2. How do we PROVE that we have done it?