high-performance communication, august 2014
DESCRIPTION
Slides from a video-conference on High-Performance Communication with a distributed management team.TRANSCRIPT
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High-performancecommunication
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Ed BatistaAugust 4, 2014
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Photo:
Seth
Anders
on
Who am I?
Executive coachInstructor @ Stanford GSBwww.edbatista.comHBR Guide to Coaching Your Employees
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Discussion #1Today’s headlineThe simplest feedback modelFeelingsThe net
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The headlineFeedback = essential for learningBut also stressfulSo create safetyBy criticizing with skill& expressing more appreciation
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ReadMore
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The simplestWhen you do [X], I feel [Y].
feedback model
Photo by Ed Yourdon [link]
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The simplestWhen you do [X], I feel [Y].
feedback model
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FeelingsDisclosing feelings = vulnerableBut feelings influenceAnd vulnerability closenessComfort with discomfort
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The netDavid BradfordHow to improve communication?
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ReadMore
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The netMe You
Yourrespons
e
Mybehavi
orMyintention
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The netStay on our side of the netFocus on observed behaviorDisclose our responseWhen you do [X], I feel [Y].
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Discussion #25 levelsHierarchy of needsSafety, trust, intimacySocial threatSCARF model
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5 levels
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Richard FranciscoIn what ways do we communicate?Increasing levels of difficulty, risk & learning
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5 levels1: Ritual2: Extended Ritual3: Content4: Feelings About Content
5: Feelings About Each Other
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5 levels
5: Feelings About Each Other
HardestRiskiest
Most powerful for feedback
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Hierarchy of needs
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Abraham MaslowWhat motivates us as human beings?
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Hierarchy of needs
Photo by Wilhelm Joys Anderson [link]
Physiological
Safety
Love & belonging
Esteem
Self-actualization
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Hierarchy of needs
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Parallels in groups & relationships
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Hierarchy of needs
Photo by Wilhelm Joys Anderson [link]
Psychological safety, trust & intimacy
Experiments, risk-taking & vulnerability
Learning, self-awareness & change
In groups & relationships…
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Safety, trust,
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intimacy
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Safety, trust,intimacySafety = I won’t get hurtTrust = I believe you & you believe meIntimacy = We can make the private public
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Safety, trust,intimacyFeedback can create these qualitiesBut there’s a problem…
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Can I give you
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some feedback?
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Feedback and
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social threat
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Threat responseaka “Fight, flight or freeze”
Physiological
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Threat responseaka “Fight, flight or freeze”
Emotional
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Threat responseaka “Fight, flight or freeze”
CognitiveDecision-makingProblem-solvingCollaboration
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Social threat(Some) social situations ≈ Physical threatsMany times/dayMost common location?
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Social threatPhysiological/emotional response plus…Cognitive impairmentDecision-makingProblem-solvingCollaboration
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Social threatResult?Massive communication failureWe give feedback ineffectivelyWe receive it poorly
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SCARF model
ReadMore
David RockWhat social situationstrigger a threatresponse?
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SCARF modelDavid RockWhat social situations trigger a threat response?How can we minimize the risk of social threat?How can we create safety?
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SCARF modelStatusCertaintyAutonomyRelatednessFairness
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Use the modelWhen giving feedback…Be mindful of statusMinimize uncertaintyMaximize autonomyBuild the relationship*Play fair*
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Use the modelWhen getting feedback…Cultivate in-the-moment awarenessRecognize our threat responseManage our emotionsSlow things down
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Discussion #3RelationshipsThe net (again)MindsetSoft start
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Relationships
John GottmanWhat characterizes successful relationships?
ReadMore
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RelationshipsFeeling known by the otherA culture of appreciationResponding to “bids”Mutual influence
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The net
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(again)
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The netHow to improve communication?How to minimize defensiveness?How can we play fair?
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The netMe You
Yourrespons
e
Mybehavi
orMyintention
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What I knowMe
Myintention
Mybehavi
or
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What I don’tYou
Yourrespons
e
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What you know
You
Yourrespons
e
Mybehavi
or
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What you don’tMe
Myintention
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Use the modelStay on our side of the netFocus on observed behaviorDisclose our responseWhen you do [X], I feel [Y].
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Use the modelIntent ≠ impactMy intention doesn’t guarantee your responseImpact ≠ intentYour response wasn’t necessarily my intention
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Use the modelResult?Lower risk of social threatLess chance of defensivenessIncreased sense of fairness
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Carol DweckHow do we feel about our abilities?How do we feel about our mistakes?
Mindset
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ReadMore
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Talent & intelligence are inherent traits
Mistakes are failures or character flaws
Negative emotional response to mistakes
Talent & intelligence can be developed
Mistakes are learning opportunities
Pay close attention to mistakes & learn more
Fixed Growth
Mindset
ReadMore
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Soft start
Photo by Phil McElhinney [link]
Not like this
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Soft start
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Like this
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Soft startBegin with positive intent(But don’t bullshit)Emphasize mutual goalsBe mindful of your stress
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To sum upBuild safety, trust & intimacyUse the modelsMinimize social threatLess stressful feedbackMore learning
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Building a Feedback-Rich CultureHBR Guide to Coaching Your EmployeesMy background & coaching practice:
www.edbatista.com/about.htmlContact me:
www.edbatista.com/contact.html
For more info…