Student: Nguyen Hai Ha Jan 11th, 2009

Group: E1K41

Revision: Paragraph writing

CHOOSING A JOB

Topic:

Which would you choose: a high-paying job with long hours that would give you little

time with family and friends or a lower-paying job with shorter hours that would give

you more time with family and friends?

Outline:

Topic sentence: In my opinion, a high-paid job with long hours will be a wiser

choice compared to its opposite.

Supporting ideas:

- Pros:

+ Financial benefits

+ Nothing is free long hours working = price to pay for material wealth

- Cons: Less time with families and friends

- Refutation:

+ Quality not quantity of time together that stabilise relationships (example: stay-at-

home vs. working mothers and their children)

+ Families and friends are busy too

Concluding sentence: Therefore, from my point of view, I would rather become a

high-paid employee with long hours at work than a short-time worker with low

income.

VERSION 1:

In my opinion, a high-paid job with long hours will be a wiser choice compared to

its opposite. Every labourer who goes to work for its financial benefits agrees with my

preference, I believe. In this nothing-is-free world, it is already common knowledge that

only by working hard can one’s life be materially proper. As a result, long hours at the

office along with the inevitable stress from workload should be considered the price one

has to pay for his or her material wealth. Those who prefer the other option: a lower-paid

job with shorter hours working may base their argument on the larger amount of time with

family and friends. However, to stabilise the relationships, it is the quality not the quantity

of time together that decides. For example, for mothers, they could choose to stay at home

24/7 to look after their children only to see the latter try to sneak out to get away from their

sight. Or they could go to work to make their lives more productive and bring home enough

money for the whole family to have fabulous holidays at weekends. Moreover, our families

and friends are busy people, too. They have their own jobs and enjoy their own kinds of

favourite activities, even if we make time to spend with them; I highly doubt that they will

be able to share. Therefore, from my point of view, I would rather become a high-paid

employee with long hours at work than a short-time worker with low income.

Thinh’s comment:

Your writing has a smooth outline and clear, smart supporting ideas.

Your writing is a real argumentative paragraph with pros, con and the refutation of

the con.

Some mistakes I have mentioned above

About your refutation: I think the example you give sounds persuasive but it

seems not to well-support the idea “the quality but not quantity”.