here are six tips for improving your communication style

7/27/2019 Here Are Six Tips for Improving Your Communication Style

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Here are six tips for improving your communication style:

1. Knowing how to improve communication skills will come easier once you become awareof your own communication style.

Each person has a unique way of communicating. Listen to your own speech. What sorts of

words do you use? Which sort of body language and what tone of voice are you using?

Now, think of someone who, in your opinion, is a good communicator. Compare your style

to theirs. You've just taken an important first step in how to improve communication skills.

2. Now that you are aware of your own style, study the style of those around you. How do

the most important people in your life converse? How do they say things? Look forapproaches you can model and make your own.

3. Adjust to the other styles of communication. Don't think it is too late to change your way

of conversing because it's been years. You had to learn to communicate in the first placeand you can unlearn certain behaviors or change them. Sometimes we get stuck in a

communication rut.

A father once was having a hard time with his teenaged daughter. She was growing and hethought she didn't tell him what was going on in her life. They were in a heated discussion

when he asked, "Why didn't you tell me?"

Her answer was that she had, but he was too busy lecturing her to hear her. He learnedthat adjusting his style to his daughter would involve listening first before jumping right into

solving the problem.

4. To build rapport, during a conversation try and match the other person's movements,posture and verbal style. Don't do everything they do, but mirror one or two things. For

example, if the person gives mostly short answers to questions, you follow suit.

Or, maybe they talk at a slower pace than you usually do-slow your speaking speed to

match theirs. This may sound simplistic but it is a very potent way to make someone feelvery relaxed and comfortable in your presence.

5. The way you communicate at home may not be the same as in a different environment.

Make sure you change your style to suit the different setting. Some comments you might

want to tell your best friend, in private.

Other things can be shared in a group setting. Learn how to improve communication skillsby altering your style for the appropriate setting. Many of us know someone who offers far

too much information in a group setting.

6. Don't criticize others for communicating differently. If we all communicated in the sameway, we'd soon be bored with each other.

Getting a good grasp of your communication style and finding ways to accommodate other

peoples' styles, is a good way to improve your communication skills.

Instructions


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1. Step 1

Think before you speak. Plan your presentations and other addresses to groups whenever

possible, especially in business. Even if you don't know everything you want to say, youshould have a general idea. In more private conversations, take the time to be clear about

the points you want to make before talking. Always be honest in your communication.

2. Step 2

Be an active listener. Listening is often more important than speaking. To improve your

communication skills, pay attention to what others are saying without getting distracted.

3. Step 3

Make good eye contact. Shifty eyes make you seem less than trustworthy in business and

personal life. If you are looking everywhere but in the eyes of your audience, it will

arouse suspicion. This doesn't mean you should initiate a staring contest. Just make sureto put your audience at ease by holding the gaze at times.

4. Step 4

Take it slow. Don't slur your words together or mumble. Enunciate. If you speak too fast,

then you'll lose your audience. Use words only if you are sure of their meaning. Make

yourself easily understood.

5. Step 5

Use appropriate volume and tone. Of course, you should speak louder when addressing agroup than you would in private conversations. Reflect emotion in your voice. A

monotone approach is never appropriate in any setting.

6. Step 6

Practice; it's the best way to improve your communication skills. The more you do it, the

easier it will get.

Here's How:

1. Stay Focused: Sometimes its tempting to bring up past seemingly related conflicts whendealing with current ones. Unfortunately, this often clouds the issue and makes findingmutual understanding and a solution to the current issue less likely, and makes the whole

discussion more taxing and even confusing. Try not to bring up past hurts or other topics.

Stay focused on the present, your feelings, understanding one another and finding a

solution.2. Listen Carefully: People often thinktheyre listening, but are really thinking about what

theyre going to say next when the other person stops talking. Truly effective


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communication goes both ways. While it might be difficult, try really listening to what

your partner is saying. Dont interrupt. Dont get defensive. Just hear them and reflect

back what theyre saying so they know youve heard. Then youll understand them betterand theyll be more willing to listen to you.

3. Try To See Their Point of View: In a conflict, most of us primarily want to feel heardand understood. We talk a lot about our point of view to get the other person to see things

our way. Ironically, if we all do this all the time, theres little focus on the other personspoint of view, and nobody feels understood. Try to really see the other side, and then you

can better explain yours. (If you don't 'get it', ask more questions until you do.) Others

will more likely be willing to listen if they feel heard.

4. Respond to Criticism with Empathy: When someone comes at you with criticism, its

easy to feel that theyre wrong, and get defensive. While criticism is hard to hear, and

often exaggerated or colored by the other persons emotions, its important to listen for

the other persons pain and respond with empathy for their feelings. Also, look for whats

true in what theyre saying; that can be valuable information for you.

5. Own Whats Yours: Realize that personal responsibility is a strength, not a weakness.

Effective communication involves admitting when youre wrong. If you both share some

responsibility in a conflict (which is usually the case), look for and admit to whats yours.It diffuses the situation, sets a good example, and shows maturity. It also often inspires

the other person to respond in kind, leading you both closer to mutual understanding and

a solution.

6. Use I Messages: Rather than saying things like, You really messed up here, begin

statements with I, and make them about yourself and your feelings, like, I feel

frustrated when this happens. Its less accusatory, sparks less defensiveness, and helpsthe other person understand your point of view rather than feeling attacked.

7. Look for Compromise Instead of trying to win the argument, look for solutions that

meet everybodys needs. Either through compromise, or a new solution that gives you

both what you want most, this focus is much more effective than one person getting what

they want at the others expense. Healthy communication involves finding a resolutionthat both sides can be happy with.

8. Take a Time-Out: Sometimes tempers get heated and its just too difficult to continue a

discussion without it becoming an argument or a fight. If you feel yourself or your

partner starting to get too angry to be constructive, or showing some destructivecommunication patterns, its okay to take a break from the discussion until you both cool

off. Sometimes good communication means knowing when to take a break.

9. Dont Give Up: While taking a break from the discussion is sometimes a good idea,always come back to it. If you both approach the situation with a constructive attitude,

mutual respect, and a willingness to see the others point of view or at least find a


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solution, you can make progress toward the goal of a resolution to the conflict. Unless its

time to give up on the relationship, dont give up on communication.

10. Ask For Help If You Need It: If one or both of you has trouble staying respectful duringconflict, or if youve tried resolving conflict with your partner on your own and the

situation just doesnt seem to be improving, you might benefit from a few sessions with atherapist. Couples counseling or family therapy can provide help with altercations and

teach skills to resolve future conflict. If your partner doesnt want to go, you can stilloften benefit from going alone.

Tips:

1. Remember that the goal of effective communication skills should be mutual

understanding and finding a solution that pleases both parties, not winning the argument

or being right.2. This doesnt work in every situation, but sometimes (if youre having a conflict in a

romantic relationship) it helps to hold hands or stay physically connected as you talk.This can remind you that you still care about each other and generally support oneanother.

3. Keep in mind that its important to remain respectful of the other person, even if you

dont like their actions.

4. Here's a list of common unhealthy ways to handle conflict. Do you do some of these? If

so, your poor communication skills could be causing additional stress in your life.

Ten Ways to Improve Your Communication Skills

We all have people with whom we have to work to get things done. Our ability to communicatewith clients, customers, subordinates, peers, and superiors can enhance our effectiveness or

sabotage us. Many times, our verbal skills make the difference. Here are 10 ways to increase

your verbal efficacy at work:

1. Develop your voice A high whiney voice is not perceived to be one of authority. Infact, a high soft voice can make you sound like prey to an aggressive co-worker who is

out to make his/her career at the expense of anyone else. Begin doing exercises to lower

the pitch of your voice. Here is one to start: Sing but do it an octave lower on all your

favorite songs. Practice this and, after a period of time, your voice will begin to lower.

2. Slow down People will perceive you as nervous and unsure of yourself if you talk fast.However, be careful not to slow down to the point where people begin to finish your

sentences just to help you finish.

3. Animate your voice Avoid a monotone. Use dynamics. Your pitch should raise and

lower. Your volume should be soft and loud. Listen to your local TV news anchor; take

notes.
http://stress.about.com/od/relationships/tp/conflictres.htmhttp://stress.about.com/od/relationships/tp/conflictres.htm


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4. Enunciate your words Speak clearly. Dont mumble. If people are always saying,

huh, to you, you are mumbling.

5. Use appropriate volume Use a volume that is appropriate for the setting. Speak moresoftly when you are alone and close. Speak louder when you are speaking to larger

groups or across larger spaces.

6. Pronounce your words correctly People will judge your competency through your

vocabulary. If you arent sure how to say a word, dont use it.

7. Use the right words If youre not sure of the meaning of a word, dont use it. Start aprogram of learning a new word a day. Use it sometime in your conversations during the

day.

8. Make eye contact I know a person who is very competent in her job. However, when

she speaks to individuals or groups, she does so with her eyes shut. When she opens

them periodically, she stares off in a direction away from the listener. She is perceived asincompetent by those with whom she consults. One technique to help with this is to

consciously look into one of the listeners eyes and then move to the other. Going backand forth between the two (and I hope they only have two) makes your eyes appear to

sparkle. Another trick is to imagine a letter T on the listeners face with the cross bar

being an imaginary line across the eye brows and the vertical line coming down thecenter of the nose. Keep your eyes scanning that T zone.

9. Use gestures Make your whole body talk. Use smaller gestures for individuals and

small groups. The gestures should get larger as the group that one is addressing increases

in size.

10. Dont send mixed messages Make your words, gestures, facial expressions, tone, andmessage match. Disciplining an employee while smiling sends a mixed message and,

therefore, is ineffective. If you have to deliver a negative message, make your words,

facial expressions, and tone match the message.

Improving your communication skills will improve your productivity.

here are six tips for improving your communication style

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