hellephone

8/14/2019 HELLEPHONE

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Fiction, I hope. Submitted for January, 2005 Paul H. Revis

HELLEPHONE

Early in the morning. Not too early though because frankly I just don’t do

early in the generally accepted sense. I’m out walking in the park near my

house. I don’t walk much either, but the doctor says it will be good for me

after the surgery, and besides, I’m so bored I have to get out of the house. At

this time of the day the moms and their children are at work and at school,

so the park is deserted, and quiet, except for the incessant twitter of the birds

and chipmunks that inhabit the area when no one is around to appreciate it. I

sit on a picnic bench, enjoying the peace and quiet, looking around at

nothing in particular, when I spy a shiny something a few yards away. With

the grunt and groan of a middle aged man recovering from a major

operation, I haul myself up from the hard bench and amble toward the

object. Laying next to a tiny mound of ashes, probably from someone’s

charcoal cookout, a brand new cell phone. The latest model from Motorola,

with a camera and the capability of live image calling. This is a very

expensive cell phone, not one that someone would just toss away in disgust

when he ran out of minutes at the end of the month. Who knows, there

might even be a reward for its return. The problem is ownership. All I have

to do is figure out who it belongs to, return it like a good citizen, and collect.

Should be easy enough. Just turn the thing on and check the numbers in the

memory. People usually have their home phone number in memory, right? I

push the power button on, and begin to search for the directory. There is

only one number in the memory, its all sixes, and it’s marked “HELL”.

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thought. You can’t change what you started!”

“I reject you.” I said lamely, “I reject your reservation.”

The laugh from the demon was as evil as human ears could tolerate.

“Reject all you want, you pathetic slime, there is no dealing with the devil,

despite what you have heard. You humans all think there is a way out once

you’ve made your reservation, but there isn’t. YOU’RE MINE!”

“I reject you, I reject you, I reject you!” I shouted into the phone.

“SO WHAT?” shouted the devil, “I REJECT YOU TOO!”

“Thank you,” I said quietly, thinking I had found a simple but effective way

out of this mess. “You can’t take me if you reject me.”

The line went quiet, and then the dial tone began. Triumphantly I folded the

phone closed and threw it as hard as I could onto the concrete slab under the

picnic table, pieces flying everywhere as the evil phone exploded from the

impact. I jammed my hands into the pockets of my jacket and began to set

off for home until I realized the bulge in my hand as it curled around the

hellephone. I pulled the possessed thing from my pocket just as it began to

ring again. I threw it to the ground again jumping on the larger pieces,

ripping the thing to shreds. I began to run away as best I could. Finally

reaching home, I sat on my front step, my head in my hands. From inside

my jacket I could hear the muffled tones of the funeral dirge. What choice

did I have? I answered it.

“My, my, aren’t we the violent one?” taunted the evil voice. “And, you think

you’ve found a way out as well. WELL, YOU HAVEN’T! WHEN ARE

YOU GOING TO LISTEN?”

“You said you rejected me. That’s my way out.” I said wearily.

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“And you think you can trust me? You think you can trust the embodiment

of deceit? Just how stupid are you anyway? Is there any limit to your

ignorance?”

“Well…” I began, feeling the phone warm in my hand.

“No more talk, this call is terminated!”

I begin to feel the heat in my legs, and I look down just in time to see the

cuffs of my pants catch fire. I ran as fast as I could to the water hose at the

side of my house, spinning the valve to full on, spraying the flames as they

began eating at my legs. The water only fanned the flames, the fire

consuming me as I watched in absolute horror, the conflagration leaving

only a small mound of ashes and the shiny hellephone lying in wait for it’s

next victim.

END

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