Homestay Handbook forHosts of International

Students

Table of Contents

Quick Reference List……………………………………………………………………………….………………………..……...2 Pre-arrival……………………………………………………………………………………………………………….……………….2 Arrival………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………2 During……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….……..……..2 Departure………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..3 Stage 1: Arrival……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..….3 Personal Space (bedroom)…….………………………………………………………………………………………….……..3 Safe Arrival Communication……….………………………………………………………………………………………..….4 Jet Lag……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..4 Decisions About Names……………………………………………………………………………………………………………4 Language Fatigue………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..……5 Meal-time………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..5 Family Involvement…………………………………………………………………………………………………….……………6 Orientation……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………...7 Pets……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….…8 Culture Shock……………………………………………………………………………………………………….………………….8 Stage 2: Becoming Part of the Family……………………………………………………….……………………………..10 Clarify Expectations………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..10 Understand Cultural Differences…………………………………………………………………………………………….10 Being Overprotective Versus Freedom to Discover…………………………………………………………………11 Settling In………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….……12 When Things Go Wrong……………………………….…………………………………………………………………………14 Finding Their Niche…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………15 Deepening the Relationship…………………………………………………………………………………………………...16 Stage 3: Pre-Departure & Departure……………………………………………………………………………….……….17 Recommended Readings……………………………………………………………………………………………………..…18 Supporting Documents…………………………………………………………………………………………………………..18 Host Family Agreement………………………………………………………………………………………………19 Host Family Banking Information………………………………………………………………………………..22 Criminal Record Check Steps……………………………………………………………………………………….23 Criminal Record Check Forms………………………………………………………………………………………24

QUICK REFERENCE LIST

PRE-ARRIVAL

• Complete Criminal Check, Host family/Student agreement forms. • Confirm adequate house insurance. • Write the student an introduction letter and mail to their home country. • Prepare and finish bedroom for student’s arrival. • Cut house key, provide bus schedule and local maps. • Prepare house rules and emergency numbers list. • Familiarize yourself with host family handbook and, international education guidelines. • Clarify if student is paying homestay directly or district office is distributing fee.

ARRIVAL

• Pick student up from the airport. • Encourage student to phone home and confirm arrival to parents. • Set up bank account if needed. • Make appointment and take student to school to set up timetable and meet school liaison and ESL

teacher prior to first day of school. Elementary students must pre-register at school. • Show student how to get to and from school. • Tour home, show how things work since toilets, showers, faucets and appliances sometimes function

differently in other countries. • Review with student the list of rules for your home, leave list with student in bedroom. • Provide list of all family members, home and work numbers. • Explain how 9-1-1 works for emergencies. • Show student where nearest bus stop and community facilities are.

DURING

• Arrange to accompany student to school on the first day. • Within first two weeks of program start the International Education Department will hold an

orientation for new students. The hosts must arrange for the students to attend. • You are the Canadian family. Plan to attend student/teacher/parent interviews or relevant meetings

organized by your student’s school. • Correspond with natural parents, even if natural parents do not read English. • Occasionally revisit house rules and adjust if necessary (later curfews, etc.). • Inform program coordinators immediately of any changes within the home environment (moving,

obtaining pets, family break-up, adult children moving home, friends or family moving into home, serious or prolonged illness within the family, etc.).

DEPARTURE

• Assist your student with forwarding boxes of possessions back home. • Drive student to airport, arriving three hours prior to scheduled departure time. • Advise homestay coordinator if you would like to continue with program.

It is important to note that duration of the homestay as well as the personality of the student may influence the extent, timing and impact of the three stages. In particular, these stages may not apply to the following:

• Brief stays of less than 12 weeks. • Students who have already lived with other host families. • Students who have previously lived in Canada, in particular the Vancouver area and possess a strong

sense of our culture and language

STAGE 1: ARRIVAL

For International Students, stage one can be difficult. We have been anticipating the students’ arrival, sometimes for weeks or months. We greet them enthusiastically and welcome them into our homes. Not only might your student be dealing with an adrenalin surge from the excitement, combined with jet lag, the student may also be dealing with confusion from the simple gestures such as a welcoming hug (greetings may vary from culture to culture) to cultural shock (an intense disorientation and anxiety resulting from an interruption in what is logical and familiar).

Following are a number of suggestions which may assist the student in adjusting with this initial settling in stage:

PERSONAL SPACE (BEDROOM)

• Arrange the student’s bedroom as their personal private space. • Allow student to personalize with pictures, posters, etc. • Thanks to Hollywood and the film industry in general, many students arrive with a preconceived notion

that the ‘Canadian Basement’ is a dark, scary place, full of spiders. If your student is in a basement bedroom, a suggestion is to paint it a light colour, even if you are painting over wood paneling, provide bright light, and be sensitive to their fears. To them, their fears are very real.

• If you have other children, teach them that the student’s room is private and they must have the student’s permission to enter.

• On the bedside table or desk place a “welcome kit” containing the following items: - A list of all family members names, home and work phone numbers - Emergency numbers and emergency contact information

- House key - Map of Maple Ridge and Greater Vancouver Area - Public transportation schedule (available free from municipal hall) - A welcoming card from you and your family

• Knowing from initial arrival what the routine and expectations are of your family will provide the student a sense of security. Many students fear that they will make a mistake because they do not know what is expected of them.

SAFE ARRIVAL COMMUNICATION Encourage your student to contact home within 24 hours of arrival. The student’s parents will be relieved to know that their son/daughter made it to Vancouver and that there was someone at the airport to pick them up. Also, they will want to hear that the assigned homestay family is friendly and that the home and student room is suitable. Now is a good time to write a note to your student’s parents, briefly introduce yourself and thank them for the opportunity to share their son/daughter with them. Continue corresponding with the student’s parents throughout the duration of the student’s stay, even if the parents cannot read or write English. They will find someone to translate.

If your student has arrived as part of a group, have a phone list available of the other host families so the student, if they wish, can contact a friend for reassurance.

JET LAG International flights, combined with changes in time zones, weather, food and the downside of the initial adrenalin surge, can leave a student exhausted. Temporary, minor disruptions in their health such as stomach upsets, minor headaches and moodiness may be apparent. Remember the disruptions are temporary and will pass as the student recovers from the exhaustion and the disorientation. If minor disruptions continue, contact the program coordinators.

Plan welcoming parties and major outings after signs of recovery are apparent. Remember the student will be with you for a length of time. The large welcoming dinners and special meals may be more appreciated when the student is less exhausted. Many long-tern students do not even remember the first few weeks after their arrival. The big events such as seeing you for the first time at the airport and the first day of school are memorable but the other events are lost in their exhaustion.

DECISIONS ABOUT NAMES Some International students may adopt a ‘Canadian’ name just prior to their arrival or shortly after. Do not be alarmed if the name you have been rehearsing for the past several weeks has been changed to something the

student finds more appropriate for their stay. Many students have difficulties with pronunciation of our names, as we do with their names. From first introductions with your student it is important to:

• Clarify pronunciation of student’s name. Out of politeness and to avoid risking embarrassment the student may allow you to mispronounce his name rather than correct you.

• Discuss how the student will be addressing you (first name, mom, dad, etc.) • When extended relatives arrive discuss with the student and the relative how each should be

addressed. Many students are comfortable calling the host relatives by the greeting the host siblings' use, such as Aunty, Uncle, Grandma, Grandpa, etc.

LANGUAGE FATIGUE Immersing in an English-speaking environment can be frustrating and exhausting especially when you compound it with the many other foreign stimuli and adjustments demanded of an International student. Be clear regarding “yes” and “no” questions. Avoid negative questions, such as “Are you not tired?” because the answer will likely be “Yes, (I am not tired)” instead of “No, (I’m not)”. Many languages respond to the verb rather than the meaning of the sentence.

• Try to minimize lengthy and complex statements. • Give the student plenty of time to respond to your questions and statements. What may seem like a

long pause of silence to you may actually feel like a short time for the student. It is important to not rush the student.

• Use of an international dictionary and drawing pictures can help with some of the communication barriers.

• During the first weeks, students may make many language errors. Correct those which may cause the student embarrassment or difficulty and ignore the minor errors temporarily.

• Comprehension may be lower than verbal skills. Your student may indicate that they understand when they do not. Have the student repeat back to you the important messages to ensure understanding.

• Leave a list of house rules in the student’s room so they can go over the list at a pace that they can comprehend. Review the house rules with the student in the first few days and then do another review and make adjustments once the student has settled in and is comfortable with the family routines.

MEAL-TIME Table manners and food preferences vary from culture to culture. Explain Canadian eating habits and discuss food preferences with your student. Some students will be grappling not only with the tastes and smells but also, how to serve the food, use of the utensils as well as table etiquette. It may be helpful to your student if you consider these points:

• When food is passed around the table, encourage family members to go first so the student can observe proportions and eating etiquette of the various foods. Foods such as putting an open face hamburger together or assembling a quesadilla may be a new experience for your student.

• Just like you may never learn to like “sushi” or “refried beans” your student may never learn to like some of your favorite entrees. This does not reflect on your cooking, it is just a personal acquired preference.

• Some cultures chew with their mouths open and make slurping and smacking of the lip sounds while eating as a way of showing their appreciation for your fine cooking. If your student is paying homage to your fine culinary skills in this manner and you find it disturbing, at an opportune time, you can quietly suggest that noisy eating habits can mean something different in our culture.

• Some cultures do not use verbal manners as part of their everyday conversation. To help them fit in it might be helpful to teach your student a few courtesy phrases such as, “Please pass the...” or “Thank you for the...”.

• At first, participation in mealtime conversations may be limited as speaking English can be stressful, as well as, some cultures do not encourage conversations during meals.

• Even though a certain food may be a favorite within your family, your student may choose to not even try it. There are many reasons people choose to eat, or not eat, different foods: - Religious (eating cow, pig, eggs) - Social values (when was last time you ate dog, horse, rats, maggots) - Individual taste (liver, chicken kidneys, porridge) - Allergies - Individual cultural or family values

Respect that your student may feel strongly about not eating or even trying certain foods.

FAMILY INVOLVEMENT Welcome the student into your home and offer the same privileges and responsibilities that you would your own children of the same age. If parenting a teen is new to you, the program coordinators or other host families may be a valuable resource.

• Include your student in family outings such as visiting friends and relatives and participating in special family activities such as going to a movie or out for dinner.

• If you are planning a family vacation, remember that the student is part of your family. If you need to be away from the home overnight without the student, arrangements must be made by you for your student to be in the care of a responsible adult. You can contact another host family of a friend of the student, or you may choose to have a family member come to stay with your student while you are away.

• Assign a task that helps the student feel like part of the family, such as setting the table before dinner or helping to clear the table after dinner. Many families find this is a good time for informal discussions. Keep in mind that these tasks need to be light household duties.

• If your home is a busy home and you would like the student to do their own laundry, provide a basket in their bedroom and show the student how to use the appliances. It is much easier to start this routine from day one than it is to ask the student to start doing their own laundry after you have been doing it for them for the previous couple of months.

• If your family attends church or belongs to a particular religion you may ask your student to join you and your family but if the student opts to not participate, you must respect their wishes. Also, your student may practice a religion or belong to a religious group contrary to your beliefs. This is a great opportunity to gain insight into practices of another belief.

ORIENTATION Upon arrival, give your student a general tour of your home. Some points to remember include:

• Show how things work and remember toilets, showers, faucets and appliances sometimes function differently in other countries. One family reported their shock of finding the bathroom floor completely flooded within 24 hours of the student’s arrival. The student had never seen a shower curtain before and had made the mistake of leaving it hanging outside of the tub instead of tucking it inside. Another student took the flexible showerhead out of the tub, stood over the heat register and had a shower. The host family was stunned with the concept of showering over a heat register and the student was stunned at how backwards Canadians were to have such a large beautiful bathroom, yet such a small place to stand to have a shower. In the student’s home country, people wash and shower in the open in the main part of the room (there is a drain in the floor), rinse off and then get into their version of a bath tub to soak.

• In a central place, post the family schedule including work schedules, sport and hobby times, mealtime, and family curfews.

• Teach your student how to use 9-1-1 Emergency Service. • Show your student the family system on receiving messages and use of the phone. Many students pay

to have their own phone line installed in their room. The student is responsible for costs incurred of installation of their line. The monthly phone bill should be charged directly to their own, or their parent’s credit card.

• Introduce your students to important places in the community such as: How to get to and from their school - Bank - Pharmacy / convenience store - Bus stop - School Board Office - Medical clinic

Prior to the first day of school, plan to take your student to their assigned school for timetable selection and to meet their English as a Second Language Teacher and the International Counselor. This can be an intensely overwhelming and frightening experience for your student. It is difficult enough on Canadian kids just moving in from out of district, it is hard to imagine how this experience is for a foreign adolescent who do not know the culture, language, or what is considered ‘normal’ teenage behaviour. Many students report that the first few weeks can be a very intimidating experience.

Shortly after arrival the student will have to attend scheduled orientation meetings and exams. These orientation meetings and exams are mandatory; please ensure that your student attends.

PETS

Many Canadian households own pets. Different cultures view pets in many different ways. Some cultures view man’s best friend, a dog, as unclean (some religious codes prohibit them from being touched) while other cultures view them as a food source. Some cultures fear cats (especially the cats eyes), as being superstitious links to the unknown (eyes of darkness). Do not be insulted if your student shows genuine fear or discomfort to be around the family pets. Quite often it just takes time and patience for the student to adjust. Therefore, limit the exposure, at first, of your pet to the student.

• Ask the student to keep the bedroom door closed if they do not want the pet in their room. • Respect their discomfort and fear because to the student, it is very real. • Slowly expose the student to the pet in a controlled manner.

Some students arrive from very large cities that have populations' equivalent to that of all of Canada. Because of population density and cultural belief about pets, many students have not been exposed to pets before their arrival.

CULTURE SHOCK Culture shock is best described as awareness that your basic assumptions about life, and your familiar ways of behaving are no longer appropriate or functional. The students find themselves in a foreign culture where people relate to different expectations, where language is different, and where the rules for polite and socially acceptable behaviour bear no reflection to what has governed their existence within their own society. Culture shock may appear at any time within the student’s stay and can occur on more than one occasion.

One student had been studying in Maple Ridge for just over 10 months. She loved her host family, school, friends; everything was running smoothly. She was achieving excellent marks and her language skills were very strong. One morning, she woke up with an uncontrollable urge to cry. Little things that never bothered her before seemed overwhelming. She felt irritated at everything. Her host mother took it personally and saw her student’s unhappiness as a reflection of her parenting ability. By explaining cultural shock, how it affects different people and what the student could do to help herself, the student started to feel more control over

her emotion. The host, through greater understanding of what the student was experiencing was able to offer the support and the space that the student needed to move forward. This particular student suffered quite an intense experience that lasted about 6 weeks.

Symptoms of culture shock may occur in many different forms: • Difficult to carry on normal conversations. • Complain about feeling unwanted or unloved. • Withdraw, become moody and irritable, ignore rules and describe confusing situations as “stupid”. • Become defensive or argumentative over innocent remarks. • Spend hours in the bedroom, crying and isolating them self. • Wishing to be home where people understand. • Frequent and lengthy phone calls home. • Changes in appetite, sleeping patterns, depression.

Some things you can do to help during this stage include: • Identify that it is culture shock and then explain to your student what culture shock is. • Acknowledge that the feelings are normal and temporary. • Offer yourself as a sympathetic shoulder to cry on. • Remind yourself that the student’s cultural shock is not a reflection of your hosting ability or a sign of

rejection; it is a normal stage many students experience. • Allow the student time to be alone. • If conflicts between the student and your children escalate, try and minimize the time they spend

together. • Encourage extra rest. • Encourage the student to talk about their feelings with other students. • Tolerate your student’s intense feelings. • Reduce stress and minimize complications such as pressuring for better grades at school, teasing the

student about what the student is experiencing, leaving the student alone for extended periods. • Offer your student some, ‘one on one’, away from the home and other siblings. This may include,

going for a walk, going out for a tea or coffee, going shopping together, sharing a quiet time talking about the student’s family and friends back home or looking at the student’s family photos.

• Take the student out to a restaurant that specializes in their ethnic food. Sometimes a familiar food can be comforting.

• The severity of cultural shock and the duration that the student experiences it are influenced by many factors. These include, the length of the student’s stay, individual personality, the relationship between the host and student, stresses such as the academic course load of the student, sleeping and eating habits, peers, a sudden change in routine, etc.

Culture shock can be experienced at any time during the student’s homestay experience right up until the student returns home, where there, they can experience a ‘reverse culture shock’. The severity and the

duration are determined by many factors. If the student experiences prolonged symptoms or symptoms of more severity, it is advisable to contact the program coordinators for guidance.

STAGE 2: BECOMING PART OF THE FAMILY

International students, like the host families, don’t have much information about their new family before they arrive. They too may create the perfect host family in their minds. It can be such a disappointment for the students when they arrive to discover that their host family is not the perfect ‘Hollywood family’.

A student reported their shock to discover that not only did the host sisters have disagreements with each other and with their parents (like she had with her brother and parents back home), but also to discover that the novelty of being the new member of the family had worn off and that she had to blend into the family as one of the kids. This adjustment period was more difficult for her than it was for the host family because she was also trying to adjust with all the other changes in her life (food, language, weather, school, cultural differences, home sickness, etc.).

Eventually, students will find their comfort zone within the house and involve themselves in the family routines. The shift from waiting for invites from the family to do things to actively participate as a family member happens gradually. This shift will happen when the student has a sense of each member’s place as well as their own place in the family.

CLARIFY EXPECTATIONS

Approach discussions as a learning experience for both of you. Discuss how their parents would deal with a similar situation.

• Review house rules; make adjustments if needed. • Customize the rules to fit the student’s age, maturity level, and experience. • Be aware of spoken and silent rules both in your house and what the student is accustomed to from

their own home. • Be patient, learning new rules and fitting in, takes time and continual readjustments.

UNDERSTAND CULTURAL DIFFERENCES Some students will drop their heads and not reply to questions when they feel they ‘are in trouble’. You may feel that they are being rude by not answering you or taking part in the discussion but the student may feel that they are respecting your authority by not questioning or participating in the discussion, even if you ask them a direct question. In some cultures making eye contact is considered disrespectful.

Late one evening a very upset student called and within minutes, the other line was ringing from the host family. The anger from the host family combined by the sobbing student made it very difficult to get a sense of what the real issue was. After meeting with both parties it became apparent that the difficulties they were experiencing centered on the lack of understanding, from both parties, of cultural norms. The host family was of European descent. It was customary for them to be very verbal, loud, and direct and with much interaction from both parties during a heated discussion. They expected their own children to look them in their eyes during discussion and voice their opinions. The student was from Korea where traditionally, communication between parents and children is top-down. Culture is not based on talking out your problems as equals. As the child, you listen to your elder, often with head bowed down. It is not polite for young people to look at an older person in the eye. The host parents saw the student’s action of not looking them in their eyes when they were talking, even after being asked to do so, as rude and disrespectful. The student misread the hosts’ action of requesting to voice an opinion and look at them when they were speaking as, “the host hates me”. What the host was requesting was such a foreign concept to the student, unimaginable and an act of total disrespect, from the student’s perspective. Over time and with some cultural education, both parties gained a little insight into each other’s cultural norms, enabling them to start to build a respectful relationship.

Classroom teachers may also notice that many of these students have difficulty with the concept of discussing what their opinion or feeling is on subject matter. Many cultures, especially the Asian cultures, teach their students to memorize material for tests. They are not necessarily accustomed to the concept of formulating their thoughts and giving an opinion in an organized form.

BEING OVERPROTECTIVE VERSUS FREEDOM TO DISCOVER Part of maturing and learning is making mistakes and learning from them. Allow the student to make discoveries, not only with your family, but also on his or her own.

Many of these students have had years of experience with public transit travel. They might start their day with a bus ride into the nearest train station, a train ride (on a very crowded train) to the city where their particular school is situated, and then up to a 30 minute walk through a major metropolis to their school of choice. They typically will do this starting from the age of 12, unsupervised, 6 days a week. Many international students are not only experienced at independent travel but also expected to go with their friends to Vancouver for shopping excursions on the weekend.

Set age and maturity appropriate rules and curfews. You are the student’s acting parents and should have a sense of comfort in the rules and curfews that you set for your student. For the host families that are new at parenting teenagers, it is not uncommon for these young adults to be out until 9:00 pm on school nights and 11:00 pm-12:00 am on weekends. It is important to know where your student is and with whom. Peers play a very important role in the students' development. If your student were younger their curfew would be adjusted to reflect one that is age appropriate.

Allow the student to be included as one of the family members.

One host reports that they had unintentionally given their student special privileges that were actually creating tension between their own daughters and the student, preventing a true acceptance on either part. It was not expected for the student to help out if the host siblings were asked to help get dinner going or set the table. If the student was late coming home, there was no consequence. The host found they were creating an environment that resulted in their children starting to resent the student living with them. Once this was apparent, they revisited the rules and set consequences that reflected expectations for all the teens in their home. The end result was total acceptance of the student by their own children and acceptance of the host by the student. The student felt they were treating her as one of own children, having the same expectations and concerns.

Contact the hosts or parents of your student’s friends. The other host families can be a valuable resource, as they will be sharing many of the same experiences as you. Great friendships between hosts have been developed through their students. Many hosts trade weekends off. Their student might go spend a weekend with another student’s host family and then that host family can reciprocate at a later date. Some hosts take part in a car pool arrangement with their students.

SETTLING IN In the process of adjusting to a new family member, compounded with the arrival excitement fading, there may be some unpleasant “letdown” feelings as minor difficulties arise.

One host reported, “Before our student arrived we really didn’t know anything about her so we imagined what it would be like to have her and all the great things we would do individually and as a family. What we did, was create the perfect International student in our minds. It was a bit of a shock after the initial excitement to settle down and realize, this imaginary, perfect student, was actually a normal teenager wanting to do the ordinary teenage things; she wanted to dye her hair, pierce her ears a few times, sleep in till 11 am on the weekends, talk for hours on the phone with her friends that she just finished spending hours at school with and yes, have moments of moodiness”.

Often it is noted that the maturity level of students from some countries in comparison to the students from many Canadian families can lapse. This is often a reflection of cultural expectations, not development. Because teens can still be somewhat egocentric in development, during the first few months the maturity difference can been seen as annoying and embarrassing instead of just a difference in cultural maturity. The lapse of maturity shortens with age and length of stay.

Even a good adjustment has its rough spots for both the host family and the student. There will be disruptions and adjustments needed. Try to keep in mind that some disruptions are inevitable. Just as you are grappling with all these disruptions and frustrations your student at the same time will be trying to adjust to a “foreign everything” and searching for their niche in the family. It is important to understand that this irritation is with the changes and disruptions of familiar routines, not with the international student.

• If you are bothered by these changes you can develop new patterns and adapt old routines. • If increased traffic in the bathroom is causing problems set up schedules for morning and evening use.

Some teenagers like to take longer showers than others and can take their showers in the evening. • Television preferences should be considered. The student may have a program that they like to watch

on the cultural channel. If you are a family of young children, remember teens have different interests in programming.

• Set out guidelines for telephone use and clarify what time at night you expect telephone use to end. Because of difference in time zones there may be occasions when the student will have to get up during the night or very early in the morning to contact their parents overseas.

• Establish guidelines for internet and computer use. • Teenagers quite often have ravenous appetites and you may notice an increase in food consumption. • Write out the household rules and leave a copy in the student’s room. • Setting clear, age appropriate boundaries and establishing expectations, might prevent some

unpleasant difficulties.

Imperfections that were over looked at the beginning may all of a sudden be too hard to overlook.

One host reported, “Upon arrival we all thought it was ‘cute’ the way our student ate, learning to use the cutlery, smacking the lips, mixing up what we take for granted as normal house hold social etiquette. Eventually, some of the differences weren’t viewed as ‘cute’ anymore and we could no longer overlook them”.

The student isn’t purposely trying to annoy you, remember different cultures express themselves differently.

"Our student smacked her lips to pay homage to my "great” cooking. When it was explained to her, in our culture, noisy eating meant something completely different. She tried hard to correct herself and adjust to our cultural norms."

Ask your student about some of the different customs and cultural differences in their country. You may be surprised about some of the things that we do that may be seen as rude or disrespectful in their cultural.

Typically in Canadian homes children call each other by first name. In some countries the younger siblings show respect by calling their older sibling as “brother” or “sister”, not by their first name. There are many reasons why people act in a certain way. Having a sense of what is the norm for your student might help you have a bit of an insight into how difficult it may be for your student to adapt.

Remember that your disappointment and irritation will be temporary. As you and the student adjust and settle into new routines you will be ready to learn from each other and discover not only about another culture, but also, you may discover things about yourself and Canadians, seen through the eyes of a foreigner.

WHEN THINGS GO WRONG

Even with the best of host families and the best of international students, things can go wrong. All family members, like the international student, are individuals with unique personalities. Sometimes, personalities clash. Occasionally, a solution to conflict of differences may not be apparent. If you find yourself and your student in a situation that together you have not been able to resolve, the program coordinators are available for assistance. It is important to not wait until the difficulty that the host family or student is experiencing is magnified, making it harder to deal with effectively. Quite often the problem that both parties were experiencing, at the time felt ominous and irreconcilable, but was resolved through mediation, developing a plan and following up.

One student (19 years old) was experiencing great difficulty coming home by curfew, getting up in the morning, sharing information of where and who he was with, and getting any of his school work done. Basically he was setting himself up for failure. The change from living independently with an older brother, to living in a homestay was an adjustment he did not know how to make. The school’s administration staff, the program coordinators, the host family, and the student were able to work as a team and help the student get himself focused and back on track. Through time, patience and a lot of hard work by the student, he became a son that the host family is very proud of. This student has now graduated and is successfully pursuing academic studies at the University level.

Sometimes the answer is not apparent until after a physical change in homestay is made. Another student continually reported of unhappiness with the host family. The complaints were all quite minor from the program’s perspective, but the host was willing to make changes to accommodate the student. With each accommodation of change made by the host came a new complaint by the student. It appeared that the student was never going to truly settle in with this host family so the student was moved to a new homestay. After the change in host family, the student finally revealed the real reason of all the complaints. The student did not like the diet of the original host family. Because the student did not want to offend the host mother the student made up unrelated complaints instead of telling the host mother of the difficulties with her cooking. Luckily, but coincidental, the new host family ate mainly a diet similar to which the student was accustomed to back home. The original host family became available for another student and a successful match was possible.

Occasionally the moves are considered emergency and a student may be moved without notice. One student reported that their host family was kind and helpful but one of the family members, an adult sibling, made the student feel uncomfortable. Although the family member had not done anything inappropriate, the student felt extremely uncomfortable with the way the family member ‘looked’ at the student. The student’s concern was discussed with the host family but the feelings of discomfort were not alleviated. Even though there was nothing concrete to base the student’s feelings on, the program directors must always air on the side of caution for the student. This student was moved to another host family.

Sometimes the difficulty cannot be resolved and in this situation it is in the best interest for both the host family and the student, to move the student to a new homestay. This is not necessarily a reflection of the quality of the hosts’ ability to parent or a reflection of the student but a resolution to irreconcilable differences.

On the rare occasion a situation may arise where the coordinators might have to use their judgment and move a student even when both host family and student are happy with their living arrangements and do not want change.

One student was living with a host family where both the student and the host family were compatible. Their relationship was strong and neither party had any complaints. One of the family members in the host family became ill and it was determined by the family doctor that the family member might take many months to recover. The family was under stress not only with concern for their loved one but also for the added care that was needed by the ill family member. The student was worried about the family member, as everyone was, and we started to notice a change in the school marks and social activities. Even though the marks were well above passing and the student kept telling us that everything was fine, this homestay experience was negatively affecting the academic performance and putting stress on the student, beyond the normal stresses of living abroad. As hard as it was for everyone at the time, we decided to move the student to a new homestay. The student remained friends with the original host family and visited whenever possible but by being removed from the homestay also diminished a large amount of stress the student did not recognize was there. The student was able to refocus on schoolwork and friends. Even though staying with the original host family would have offered the student life experiences, insight, compassion for the ill, cooperation, etc., this was not the purpose of being in Canada. It was in the student’s best interest to move.

These decisions can be difficult to make and much thought and discussion between the program coordinators and involved parties take place prior to a major decision being made. A balance of happiness for all parties is always the goal but sometimes this may not seem apparent to all parties at the time.

In the event that a student should leave the home prior to the completion of the calendar month, the host family will refund the student the balance of the homestay fee paid for that month.

FINDING THEIR NICHE

One of the most difficult adjustments any teenager has when they move to a new school is fitting in and making friends. This task is even more daunting for the international student. The student will have to deal with the typical barriers of teenage subculture, compounded by language difficulties and not understanding what is the normal social expectations and behaviour of a Canadian teen. Many students come from cultures where there are strict school dress codes (uniforms, no dyed hair, no jewelry), silence in the classroom, utmost respect for the teachers, where individual competition is frowned upon and where less importance is placed on extracurricular activities. All this is confusing especially when the student discovers that their presence in the school may go unnoticed by their peers because of the multicultural make up of Canada. A

Canadian student in a Japanese classroom or Mexican classroom will quite often be treated as special and may be well looked after by the students of that school. The foreign students attending classes here may not have the same experience because of the cosmopolitan mix.

• Help your student find extracurricular activities that offer the opportunity to meet others, such as; join a fitness club, dance class, community sports, swim club, school programs and clubs, etc.

• Encourage your student to take the first step in making friends at school but sympathize with the frustrations the student will experience along the way.

• Attend student/teacher/parent interviews and ask the teachers for suggestions of how your student can make friends in the classroom.

DEEPENING THE RELATIONSHIP For many, this stage is a time when an overall comfort and a desire to deepen the relationship are experienced. Friendships, as well as a mutual respect for each other’s differences are shared. During this stage the language skills are developing to the extent that there will be a lingering at mealtime discussions and in depth discoveries of each other’s cultures.

It is important to note that many cultures have deeply rooted attitudes and customs that have been developed and shaped for thousands of years and work for that particular culture for reasons we may never understand. Gaining an understanding of a culture is to learn tolerances for different value systems and different ways of behaving. There is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way, just different. Learning about your student’s culture is an exercise in nonjudgmental acceptance of different values and different behaviours.

"During this stage our student truly meshed with our family. Our daughters and the student interacted as sisters and we accepted the student into our hearts as one of our own. This was also a period of self-discovery. Through our student's eyes, we discovered Canadian culture, preconceived notions about foreign students and their abilities, how fortunate we are here in Canada, prejudices and misconceptions we had, and most of all an appreciation for the incredible journey our student made to leave the comforts of a life she knew to venture into a world unknown."

Well after the student has settled in, there will also be awareness that the student’s stay is temporary and there may be an urgency to do the many things together that you have not yet experienced. Also, this is a time when the student may be seeking your advice on their personal issues back in their native country.

Through maturity and discovering another culture, one student confided that she was embarrassed with how she had treated her family back in her native country before she moved to Canada. After being hosted in a home of teenagers that exhibited the same undesirable behaviours she had to her parents, but now seeing the scenario as an outsider, she realized how difficult at times she had been to her parents. She was excited about

going home with this new insight and sense of maturity but nervous at the same time because she knew that her parents were expecting the same little girl that left 3 years earlier. This student spent many hours discussing with her host what to expect when she got home and some ideas on how to cope with the transition.

Another difficulty this student experienced was adapting some of our western ways and taking them back to a culture that did not have tolerance for her new found changes (freedom to discuss opposing opinions, value oneself first, her career choice, etc).

STAGE 3: PRE-DEPARTURE & DEPARTURE

This stage normally sneaks up on you before you even realize it. The student often is very excited and nervous at the same time. When you reflect back to when the student first arrived you will be astonished with the changes that have taken place in a relatively short time. Following is a list of some errands that will need to be taken care of before the student departs:

• Make sure the passport is not mailed home accidentally with the belongings that are sent back. • Close out bank accounts. • Mail the student’s belongings back home (post can take up to 4 weeks and is the cheapest, air is very

expensive and can take up to one week). • Ensure that the International Education Department has the student’s current home address (final

report card was the whole reason for studying abroad). • Arrange to pick up medical and dental files if there was a major illness. • Arrange the student’s transportation to the airport, arriving at least 3 hours prior to scheduled

departure.

Try and prepare the student for the difficulties they may experience with the transition back into their home country. In some cultures girls especially seem to have a difficult time finding their niche back at home. There tends to be intense but short-lived friction between mothers and daughters. Boys on the other hand have learned to do laundry, set the table, make their own meals and other chores traditionally taken on by the mothers or hired help, making it easier for them to fit in. Also, generally speaking, because of expectations of boys in comparison to the expectations of girls, from many cultures, the boys are praised for their accomplishments in graduating abroad and learning the English language (even though the girls experience the same achievements), but the girls may be expected to fit back into the traditional roles expected of their cultures and their gender.

Students can also experience the reverse of the culture shock that they may have experienced when they were trying to adjust to life in Canada.

About three weeks after one of the students returned back to Japan she phoned her host and told them that everything they talked about in regard to adjusting to life back home came true. She wasn’t able to stop the arguing or disagreements with her mother but because she understood why it was happening it made it that much easier to tolerate the adjustment. At eight weeks after her departure, the host phoned her in Japan to see how life was treating her. She had settled into the routines of her home in Japan and was enjoying herself in every aspect.

Letting go and saying good-bye can be a difficult experience for both the student and the host family. Relinquishing your role of parenting back to the student’s natural parents is not terminating a bond. As a host family, during a very impressionable stage of your student’s development, the bond that you developed will stay with your student for the student’s entire life. The student’s homestay experience, the good and the bad, will have such a profound impact on whatever path they choose through life.

Acknowledge the feelings of loss and then accept them. Reflect on what you have gained from the experience and what the student taught you about yourself and about their culture.

RECOMMENDED READINGS

Condon, John C. (1984). With Respect to the Japanese. Foreword by Kohei Goshi. Yarmouth, ME: Intercultural Press.

Kauffman, Norman, Judith N. Martin, and Henry D. Weaver with Judy Weaver (1992). Students Abroad: Strangers at Home: Education for a Global Society. Yarmouth, ME: Intercultural Press.

King, Nancy and Huff, Ken (1997). Host Family Survival Kit. 2 ed., Yarmouth, ME: Intercultural Press.

SUPPORTING DOCUMENTS

Host Family Agreement

Host Family Banking Information

Criminal Record Check Forms

HOST FAMILY AGREEMENT Family Name:

The goal of the host family and student relationship should be for all participants to learn from each other and foster friendship which will bring new cultural and linguistic understandings between Canadian families and international students. This agreement delineates the responsibilities for both students and host families and addresses the school district’s expectations with regards to the financial arrangements made between the parties.

1. It is understood that: Host Parents will supply the students with three (3) meals per day and a reasonable use of the house and facilities. The student’s bedroom will have a desk, chair, dresser, closet, night table, lamp, and bed. The term “reasonable” implies that the visiting student would enjoy the same privileges and opportunities enjoyed by the family’s own children of similar age. Students will be welcomed into the home with the spirit that they are new members of the family and the family agrees to provide them with the appropriate supervision and discipline that is consistent with being a responsible parent. They will be invited to partake in family outings and other activities. In short, they will be treated like a member of the extended family. • The host family will act as the student's representative at such functions as Parent/Teacher nights,

etc. and will accept the responsibility of being the contact person, should problems develop at school.

• That host families will strive to develop a close relationship with the student through communication and inclusion of the student in the day-to-day activities of the family.

• The family will help the student set up bank accounts.

• Further, if it is requested by the natural parents, it would be helpful if the host parents could look

after the finances of the student - i.e. making sure that they are not spending exorbitantly. This is not an "expectation" per se and it is solely within the purview of the host family to decide the limit of their involvement.

• The host family cannot remove the student from the home without the involvement of the home stay coordinator. Any home stay changes require 30 days notice (exceptions may apply).

In more specific terms, the following are some expectations and guidelines as to what we expect under the terms of "reasonable use of the house and its facilities".

• The student is not responsible for purchasing their own linens, blankets, towels, etc.

• The use of family toiletry articles, such as shampoo, soap, etc., is open to students, but, if they have

special requests or needs in this area, it is reasonable to ask them to pay for these themselves.

• The student is responsible for all of their own mobile phone costs. If the student and the host agree to the student having their own telephone line, the student is responsible for all costs incurred including installation and monthly charges.

• The use of the family television, Internet, stereo and other such household items is under the control of the host parents. If it should become apparent that the student should be spending more time on study (as reflected in school marks, comments), use of these items may be restricted by the host parents.

• The student understands that s/he is ultimately responsible for all of their own personal entertainment costs and personal supplies, including school stationary supplies.

• The host family is not responsible for housing the student's visiting family members (if any) during

the course of the year unless they are amenable to it.

• It is expected that the host families will transport the student to and from the airport for arrival and departure of their stay.

• It is expected that students and families will neither borrow money from, nor lend money to, each

other. For the protection of all parties, financial transactions between students and host families should be limited to the students' paying the home stay fee to the host parent(s).

• Because of the special nature of the student/host family relationship, and because the philosophy of the home stay program is that the students are to enjoy the privileges and responsibilities of being a "member of the family", the students will not be charged a separate fee by families in the form of a security or damage deposit, nor any similar fee.

The above are, within reasonable expectations, inviolate. However, there is thought to be sufficient "flex" within them to allow student and host family relationships to find their own balance - and every relationship is going to be slightly different, as are all families. The program coordinators are available to render assistance in interpreting these expectations when requested, but it is hoped that families and students will be able to come to arrangements that are satisfactory.

2. In return, it is understood that: The student will share the same responsibilities to the host parents and to the general household as those held by the family’s own children of similar age. The student agrees to follow all house rules regarding behavior, curfews, attendance at meals, etc. and to occasionally share in the performance of household duties normally undertaken by the household’s own children.

3. With respect to the home stay fee, the following understanding is agreed to by both host parents and students: • That the fee is to be paid to the host family by the student, or the student’s representative, on the

15th of each month in which the student is present in the home and attending School District #42 program.

• If a student who has paid the monthly fee, should leave the home prior to the completion of the month, due to the following reasons, quitting the program, being expelled by the program, or changing home stay, the Host Parent agrees to provide a refund according to the following schedule:

- for each week the student is present, the fee is pro rated.

- for each day the student is present, the fee is pro rated.

4. It is also understood that: • Students will not pay a damage deposit, security deposit, nor any other similar moneys to host

families. • Students will be responsible for any outstanding bills or other expenses, which are directly

attributable to the student, that come to the family following the student’s departure from the home stay.

• Students will pay the home stay fee, in full, for each academic month regardless of date school begins/ ends or absences dues to Christmas holiday, Spring break etc.

• If a student remains in the home stay during a non-academic period and is not attending or participating in a School District No. 42 program, then the details for the homestay arrangement and the payment for the home stay fee will be between the host family and the student.

• If a student arrives prior to the first of the month, the Host Family will be paid according to the following schedule:

- for each week until the end of the calendar month the student is present, the fee is pro rated.

- for each day the student is present until the end of the calendar month, the fee is pro rated.

• Students and Host Parents will not lend money to nor borrow from each other.

5. Host Parents agree to the above by signing below:

Printed Name of Host Parent Signature of Host Parent Date

For office use only Approved: Not

approved:

Signature:

HOMESTAY FAMILY BANKING INFORMATION

Payments to Homestay Families will be made by direct deposit to the bank account of the family’s choice. A confirmation statement of payment will be provided to the family by email.

To ensure payment is processed, please complete the following

information, attach a void cheque and return to:

School District 42 - Maple Ridge & Pitt Meadows Attention: Accounting Deparment

22225 Brown Avenue, Maple Ridge, BC V2X 8N6

If you do not have a chequing account, please provide a confirmation letter of your account details from your bank.

Last Name: First Name: Address: Postal Code: Telephone: Email: Bank Name: Branch and Transit No.:

Account No.: Account Type:

I hereby authorize School District No. 42 (Maple Ridge – Pitt Meadows) to deposit my Homestay Family payment owed to me into the above bank account. I understand that it is my responsibility to inform the Homestay Administrator of any change to my banking information. Signature: Date: Print Name:

RCMP CRIMINAL RECORD CHECK

Procedures for Host Families

• Criminal Record Check requests must be made in person by each family member 19 years of age or older in order to be eligible to host International students. Individuals must also pick up his/her own completed Criminal Record Check.

• The following Current Criminal Record Checks (CRC) forms must be completed: o RCMP GRC 3584e: Consent for Disclosure of Criminal Record Information o RCMP GRC 3923e: Consent for a Criminal Record Check for a Sexual Offence for Which

a Pardon has been Granted

• An RCMP staff member will ask you for two pieces of ID: o drivers license with current address o care card o password

• The original, completed RCMP GRC 3584e: Consent for Disclosure of Criminal Record received

back from the RCMP must be received by the International Department at Riverside Centre, 20575 Thorne Avenue, Maple Ridge, before student placement can proceed.

• You will be notified by our Homestay department when your CRC is about to expire. A CRC from the RCMP is good for 3 years in our program.

• Criminal Record Checks from School Districts, volunteer work or sports related are only accepted if done through the RCMP. The RCMP Criminal Record Checks are more thorough with a larger number of charges being checked through their computer systems.

___________________________________________________________________________________

RCMP Hours Monday – Friday: 8:00 am – 6:45 pm Sat, Sun and Statutory Holidays: 11:00 am – 2:45 pm

RCMP GRC 3584e (2006-03)

Royal CanadianMounted Police

Gendarmerie royaledu Canada

IMPORTANT INSTRUCTIONS

These instructions are intended to help you obtain the information yourequire from the RCMP.

Please follow them carefully.

1. Print clearly if you complete this form by hand.2. Sign this form before returning it.3. Set the print properties to "Legal" and load printer with 14 inch paper.

DO NOT SEND THIS FORM BY E-MAIL.4.

Date of birth (yyyy-mm-d)

Confirm with the party identified in PART 2, the exact information they require.Choose the category which best symbolizes the information you are providing consent for the RCMP to disclose and place your initials in theappropriate INITIALS box.The party identified in PART 2 will be advised accordingly of negative checks.Checks resulting in possible "hits" for information identified in categories 1, 2 or 3 will require confirmation by the submission of fingerprints.You will be required to confirm that information located through the checks stipulated in category 4, is your personal information.You may withdraw this consent prior to disclosure.

RCMP: Make CPIC Criminal Record "LEVEL 1" Query ONLY.

WAIVER AND RELEASE:

CONSENT FOR DISCLOSURE OF CRIMINAL RECORD INFORMATION

RCMP GRC 3584e (2006-03)

PART 1

PART 2Pursuant to Section 8(1) of the Privacy Act of Canada, I hereby authorize the Royal Canadian Mounted Police to disclose my personal information to:

IF COMPLETED MANUALLY, PLEASE PRINT

PART 4

PART 3

This consent is valid for a period of three months from the date of signature.

Surname Given name (1)

Usual first name or alias Maiden name/Any other Surname

day of Signature of applicantSigned this

In cases where an adult's record contains young offender information or a young offender requests a copy of his/her criminal record, the criminal recordinformation MUST be given to the requester. Individuals can disclose their own information, but even with consent the RCMP are not legally permittedto disclose young offender information.

PART 5

INFORMATION AND IDENTIFICATION SERVICESCANADIAN CRIMINAL RECORD INFORMATION SERVICES1200 Vanier ParkwayOTTAWA, ONTARIO K1A 0R2

Following is information contained in the records of the RCMP or records from other police forces accessible through computer queries and is based on

records check can only be obtained through a fingerprint check. This can be made with the submission of a complete set of fingerprints to:

FOR POLICE USE ONLYCategory of Information for Disclosure

Police information located on computer systems (e.g. Police Information Retrieval System (PIRS), CPIC,PROS, PRIME, LEIP) and information located through local police indices checks. This will include allinformation related to non convictions and all charges regardless of disposition.

No.

1.

Initials

2.

Nonelocated

May or may notexist

**

Nonelocated

May or may notexist

**

3.

Nonelocated

May or may notexist

**

RCMP: Make CPIC Criminal Record "LEVEL 1" Query AND a Persons CPIC Query.

4.

RCMP: Make CPIC Criminal Record "LEVEL 2" Query AND a Persons CPIC Query.

Nonelocated

May or may notexist

**

COMPLETED BY

--

----

Sex

M F

Place of birth

Tel. no. (incl. area code)

Driver's licence no.

Full name Title Name of organization

Address (no., street, apt.) City Postal code Province

Member (signature) Reg. no. DateUnit

Given name (2)

Address (no., street, apt.) City Postal codeProvince

Previous address if less than 5 years at current address Address (no., street, apt.) City Postal codeProvince

Royal CanadianMounted Police

Gendarmerie royaledu Canada

INSTRUCTION TO REQUESTERS: The following section contains varying degrees of police information.

YOUNG OFFENDER INFORMATION - The Youth Criminal Justice Act/Young Offenders Act make it an offence to disclose young offender information.

a name and date of birth check only. **A record may or may not exist for the subject of this inquiry, positive identification and a certified criminal

I hereby release and forever discharge Her Majesty the Queen in Right of Canada, the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, their members, employees,agents and assigns from any and all actions, causes of actions, claims and demands for damages, loss or injury, which may hereafter be sustained bymyself, howsoever arising out of the above authorized disclosure of information and waive all rights thereto.

Records of criminal convictions found in the Identification Data Bank attainable through the CanadianPolice Information Centre (CPIC) for which a pardon has not been granted.

Records of criminal convictions attainable through CPIC for which a pardon has not been granted plus records of outstanding criminal charges which the RCMP are aware of or indicated within the Investigative Data Bank of CPIC.

RCMP: Make Persons Queries on PIRS, CPIC, PROS, PRIME and LEIP. In view of the general nature of this information, confirm with requester this is in fact information pertaining

to him/her. Requesters MUST confirm information which pertains to them prior to disclosure. If adiscrepancy exists, do not disclose this information.

Records of criminal convictions and summary of police information (including records of outstandingcriminal charges which the RCMP are aware of or indicated within the Investigative Data Bank of CPIC)attainable through CPIC for which a pardon has not been granted plus records of discharges which havenot been removed from the Identification Data Bank in accordance with the Criminal Records Act. This willinclude all charges regardless of disposition.

To print this form, set your PRINT preferences to LEGAL.