guys and girls church planning packet

8/11/2019 Guys and Girls Church Planning Packet

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Planning Team Survey Answers

The following questions were sent to all planning team members before we began planning for these two tribe nights on guy/girl relationsh

The responses were sent to Uncle Rob only so we could answer honestly without worrying what the other team members would think of us

Uncle Rob then compiled them all below while still keeping them anonymous.

1. Dating is to find the person God wants you to spend the rest of your life with?

Dating should have this purpose because other secular reasons such as it makes me happy or ! need dating

"perience are too selfish and therefore contradict the idea of relationships. Dating should involve trusting #od toprovide you with the right person. !f dating was solely for temporary reasons$ then you have lost the idea of what aelationship is. !t is the same with friendships% you don&t have true friendships if you only befriend people for

homework help until high school is over. That is called using people$ not befriending people. 'ou should enter

friendships and relationships with the idea that you want to grow and keep in touch with these people for a long timemind.

'es( of course. !f dating wasn&t to find the right man or woman to live life with$ there&s no point. )hy should peopledevelop emotional attachments *even physical+ if they have no plans for the future, -owever$ people do indeed do s

hings these days ust look at the movie trailers of 0o trings 2ttached and 3riends with 4enefits... oops(

Dating is to find the person #od wants you to spend the rest of your life with. )hy enter an e"tended$ emotional$physical$ and deep relationship with someone if your only intentions are to drop them later and find the 5real6 one,

believe everything is predestined. 'ou don&t have to date to find that person. !n the 4ible$ 2dam did not have to d7ve. #od gave 7ve to 2dam. !saac found Rachel and they did not have to date.

think your definition accurately characteri8es a dating relationship$ in terms of how the guy 9 girl value$ interactwith$ and regard each other. !n this relationship$ through which friends become more intimate *not ust physical % als

motional$ etc.+$ you super%focus on one person to determine if he/she is the one %% i.e. find #od&s intended spouse

you. o ! said yes. -owever$ in practice$ dating has been perverted$ especially in the secular sphere. :any date for tpleasure of the moment$ rather than thinking long%term *! could be blurring the lines between dating and courtship

here+. *0ormally !&d also say that they skip the friendship phase and ump right into the dating phase$ hoping to get tknow each other that way... but considering your definition$ ! think a friendship must already be in place for you to

possessive about/close to someone.+

'es$ dating has always been$ in the long run$ a process to marriage. )e should date with the aim of marriage.

2.You should only date when you are ready for marriage?

o$ ! mainly disagree with this statement because ! do not think one can ust say -ey$ !&m ready for marriage. !&mgoing to start dating. !t isn&t really possible to determine if you are ready for marriage or not. !nstead$ ! would rephr

his sentence to 'ou should only date when you have prayed and heard an answer from #od. 2lso$ sometimes$

eenagers as young as 1; may start dating. 2re they ready for marriage,


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mpty holes of self%esteem and acceptance whether it be from family or friends. )hen people date$ they devote so

much time and effort into the relationship that they cannot help but become close to the other person.

Dating is aimed with the purpose of marriage$ but people who are in their twenties may date yet still be unready for

marriage. ! think that it varies with the person.

=riginally said no+>an ! change my answer, lol. 4ecause on second$ third$ fourth$ and fifth thoughts$ !&d say 'es

nstead. The purpose of dating is to find a marriage partner so$ if !&m not ready for marriage$ !&m not ready to date. !

he practical sense$ readiness for marriage entails commitment 9 preparation to support both yourself and the person

nterest...emotionally$ financially$ etc. 7ven if you&re emotionally attached 9 willing to give up anything for him/heryou&re not ready to support each other in the practical ways$ that&s an indication you shouldn&t be looking for a partne

you can&t support.

3.You should only date when you have a onsistent wal! with God?

'ou should be emotionally stable and spiritually healthy before you devote any more of your heart or time to anotheperson. !f the foundation falls out$ your relationship with others will be weak and even destructive. ?ust like how yo

hould have a consistent walk with #od before you serve$ you should have one before you date. 'ou don&t want to

nfluence others in a negative way and you would not want to be prone to negative influences. 2 consistent walk wi#od would give you strength$ wisdom$ and full reliance on #od.

'es$ a dating couple should have a consistent walk with #od and trust in #od&s plan for them.

'es. 4ecause if your walk with #od isn6t right$ then almost nothing you do is.

no%2re people ever going to have a completely consistent walk with #od, There are ups and downs and if >hristianive by that mentality

#od comes first and foremost$ and -e should be the center of all relationships. #od is also love *which is defined in>orinthians 1@AB+ % to show love to someone$ we need to e"perience -is love$ which comes from having a consisten

walk with -im. 'ou also encounter more struggles and difficult decisions in a dating relationship$ and having a clos

elationship with #od means you *and hopefully the dating partner too+ will turn to -im for support 9 for a model ohow to be patient/kind/gentle/etc. with each other.

'es$ having a devo life and a relationship with #od will help you stay pure and help in the relationship.

". #t is $est if there is no physial ontat% inluding !issing on the lips until% marriage?

Chysical contact like holding hands is okay for me$ but kissing on the lips is different. ?ust imagine how awkward itwill be in married life when you and your spouse have shared physical contact with so many other people before. ! a

ee this as giving too much of yourself away before making a definite commitment.

f the above criteria is shown *walk with #od$ and pure relationship+$ ! think that holding hands$ hugging$ romanticgifts/surprises$ and even kissing *at the right age$ nothing cra8y like making out$ and not public and being a stumblin

block that&s a totally different topicE+ moderately is okay.

'es. !t6s better not to test the limitsA dating isn6t a game of limbo( 2F2 G-ow low can you go,H

nterestingly enough$ some versions of 1 >orinthians ;A1 say G!t is good for a man not to touch a woman.H )hether

s the right conte"t or not is yet to be seen.

yes%-olding hands could lead to kissing which could lead to other things such as premarital se". The lines become

blurry and then the thought of -ow much is too much, lurks in the back of your head. Resist temptation. Don&t givhe enemy a foothold to tempt you and cause you to stumble and sin. The body is the temple of #od and you must

honor #od with your body.


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think physical contact that shows affection/support are okay as long as both people are comfortable with it and it

doesn&t cause either one to lust *for e"ample$ hugging and holding hands+. Things like kissing 9 anything beyond catrongly tempt people to become too intimate *or even have se"+ before marriage. Croverbs BAI@ says 2bove all$ gu

your heart$ for it is the wellspring of life$ and the emotion that can get attached to se"ually physical contact can be

tumbling block for lust... especially because people tend to see their level of physical intimacy as an indicator of thloseness/strength of their relationship.

0o$ because dating is also caring for one another. !f a partner is feeling down or needs comfort$ it is fully okay to hu

hem. This is also something that should be decided by the person themselves$ but it should not go past kissing.

&. 'an guys (ust $e friends with a girl and vise versa?

This is definitely true. !t is important for each individual$ however$ to recogni8e when the lines start to blur between

friends and more than friends. !t may be hard$ but ! would not say that guys should never talk to girls and girls shonever talk to guys if they&re not dating. )e&re not all meant to date everyone$ but we&re not all meant to only talk to o

own se". ?ust like with the disciples and :ary and :artha% they were friends and it was fine.

'es$ in the beginning stages. Two people should really get to know each other first$ before quickly gaining each oth

affection and personal attention. Relationships are not to be rushed. The faster it starts the faster it can be ended.

'es. 7asier for some than for others.

yes%! have friends that are guys that ! have no intentions of dating. )e are different people and ! cannot see myself

ven dating that person. ince we are brothers and sisters in >hrist$ we can be ust friends and not want to date the operson.

'es. !n 1 Timothy JA1$ Caul tells Timothy to treat younger men as brothers$ older women as mothers$ and youngerwomen as sisters$ with absolute purity. #uys and girls can engage in activities together$ support each other$ laugh

ogether$ serve together$ etc. ! have a lot of guy friends$ but !&m not interested in dating any of them %% ! see them as

brothers. There&s a line between appropriate things the different genders can talk about as friends$ but that&s anotheropic.

'es it&s possible to treat a guy/girl as a brother and sister and become really close friends without crossing the dating

ine. !n fact$ it&s good to have friends of the opposite gender because we&re all children of #od and should care for eaother.

). #s dating a non $eliever o! *missionary dating+?

'ou cannot say that your >hristian identity will change the non believer. Don&t say =h$ ! can change him into a bet

person because you cannot guarantee anything. 'ou as a person cannot change another person&s heart. 'ou wouldwant to date someone who shares and understands your faith so that he or she can support you while you can suppor

him or her. !f being a >hristian is the largest part of your identity$ wouldn&t you want your dating partner to share the

ame beliefs, 4esides$ your own faith may be in eopardy because we live in a godless world and it is part of sinfulnature to fall away from #od than toward -im% it may be easier for you to be negatively influenced than for your

partner to be positively influenced.

0o$ if dating is for marriage$ why give yourself a chance to marry someone who might hold you back in church life

tc. !t&s not a sin$ but it makes life a huge struggle. !f it&s #od&s calling$ however$ nothing can go against it(

0o. !n fact$ probably better not to have close non%>hristian friends in the first placeA 1 >orinthians 1JA@@.


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no%orinthians KA1B % Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. 3or what partnership has righteousness wiawlessness, =r what fellowship has light with darkness, 2nd that all the more applies to marriage$ one of the mo

ntimate of all human relationships. -ow can you uphold #od&s instructions if the person you&re closest to has a

different worldview/standard of morality,

:issionary dating rarely works and often times$ the christian will have conflicting views with their secular partner.

They may be pressured into doing things they regret and arguing because their values aren&t the same.

,. #s the idea of marrying a virgin still a realisti goal in today-s soiety?

This is definitely a realistic goal. Ceople need to reali8e that the relationships portrayed in movies or TL are not the "amples of >hristian relationships. ure$ society may make fun of those @M year old virgins but what society says

doesn&t matter at all. =ne needs to have a strong relationship with the hristian support grou

specially when one feels the burden of societal pressures. !t may be difficult$ but remaining a virgin is definitely aealistic goal. !t depends on the person&s ability to control him or herself.

This is a mostly yes for me. ! think that marrying a virgin is definitely a goal for >hristians. -owever$ in the secular

world$ it&s more of a bonus instead of a goal.

'es. 0evertheless$ a goal that is rapidly become less and less obtainable.

yes%There are still >hristians out there and even people raised to not have se" before marriage. ?ust because a maor

of people have se" before marriage doesn&t mean that everyone does. There are a select few who still stand their

ground.

'es. There&s definitely a lot of people who have premarital se"$ yes$ but not all girls are libertines. !&m not. ! plan to

abstain until marriage$ as do many other girls *both >hristian and non%>hristian+$ and as long as we&re around$ ! thinmarrying a virgin is a realistic goal in society.

'es$ ! know many people who&ve stayed pure until marriage and ! think that a person ust needs to understand that #

ntended se" to only be for married people. 2lso$ the consequences of pre%marital se" can be devastating and it&s wio abstain. !f a person has a good walk with #od and a >hristian partner$ this should not be a problem.

. At what age do you thin! that dating is appropriate?

;$ though it really depends on maturity level. Ceople may begin to be more mature at 1; years old$ but like ! said

before$ the most important factor is maturity level. This may differ with every person$ so it is difficult to pick an e"a

age of which dating is appropriate.

1J.J % 1N.! put the youngest age here. ! think that if both people in a relationship are close enough with #od and is o

nough to handle it$ dating can be considered even as a freshman. !t&s not often. 4ut !&ve heard of stories of >hristianhigh school relationships that ended in marriage. ! talked to a counselor about this$ and ! came out believing there ar

wo criteria to be met before one is ready to dateA 1. #od first. I. They are willing to accept a turn in plans. ure it w

be hard$ but life must move on and #od has -is plan.

stick to my original answer$ though age IM isn6t really accurate. ome people are mature at 1N$ some people aren6t

mature at BM or even JM. !t6s weird.


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I1%3irst few years of college$ people should make friends and as much connections as possible. Ceople are still

mmature the first year of college.

said IB because that&s around when people graduate from college and are hopefully able to support themselves. Th

age of course varies depending on the path you choose for yourself after high school$ but as ! said in OI$ don&t try

upporting someone else if you can&t support yourself.Dating requires maturity and ! don&t think high school is mature enough. =ver 1P$ marriage can be considered.

/. #s there a differene $etween 'hristian dating and seular dating?

>hristian dating is strongly grounded on faith in #od and recognition of ?esus& love for them. !t is not impulsive$ eith

for a lot of prayer should be involved before they start dating. !n >hristian dating$ both the man and the woman shou

be building each other up in their spiritual lives. ecular dating$ on the other hand$ is oftentimes solely based onmotions *at least the secular dating ! see around me in high school+. =ftentimes$ people enter a dating relationship

no specific reasons. !nstead$ they may be under social pressures. =ne may feel that dating reaffirms one&s ability to b

oved. =thers may feel that they should date because everyone else is. These reasons are more selfish than anythinlse.

'es ecular dating doesn&t necessarily have limits that >hristian dating has.

There6s always a difference in the way >hristians live and the way non%>hristians live *1 >orinthians 1MA@1+. 7nougaid.

no% Dating is dating. 2ccording to this definition$ a >hristian couple and a non >hristian couple both take pride in th

other partner and both have the same feelings as each other.

Ceople in a secular dating relationship look for ways to gratify themselves and the other person also often shoot for

ntimacy of a married couple before even knowing each other as friends. >hristian dating has #od at the center of it

and both people help each other grow closer to -im in their walk together.

'es$ >hristians and non%>hristians have different values *such as no se" before marriage+ and there are some conflic

01. #n a dating relationship an romane oeist with purity?

#od has created emotions and romance as well. Curity and romance do not contradict$ because purity is having a he

focused on #od and glorifying #od in everything you do. The way TL and media portray romance may not glorify#od$ but this type of physical romance is not the only type of romance.

'es. Difficult$ but yes.

yes%'ou can be romantic and pure at the same time. The little things you do can make be seen as romantic by the ot

person but the actions are pure and holy.

'es %% we should define romance for this question to be clearer$ but taking say the e"ample of a guy presenting rose

aking a girl out to a candlelight dinner. That&s very romantic. !f the guys& intentions are pure *e.g. he wants to spend

ime with her$ wants to let her know he cares about her$ not looking to have se" or anything haha+ and the dinner fosgreat conversation between the two$ it&d be pure. =ne can show love to another in pure ways %% they&d usually be

onsidered romantic if we think it is haha *pulls our heart strings(+.

'es$ if both people are >hristian and have a consistent walk with #od$ both are accountable and can remain pure.


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00. #t is $est to date several people $efore marriage for pratie and eperiene.

n my perspective$ this statement implies that people should date with the purpose of practicing and gaining e"perie

That should not be the point of dating because it would be impossible to draw the line. !n other words$ how would

omeone know when enough dating e"perience is enough, The purpose of dating should not be solely for practiceand e"perience% that&s ust like saying you want to be friends with someone ust so you can practice making friends.

=f course yes( 4ecause dating several people gives you plenty of e"perience in how to break up and get a divorce.

evere sarcasm intendedE

no%This mentality can lead to lack of commitment. !f the reason why people are dating is for e"perience$ then they a

going to hurt themselves and the other person they are dating. Ceople will be more reserved and skeptical of the otheperson in the ne"t relationship and bring their broken hearts to the new relationship.

f you date for the sake of e"perience$ that&s almost very...selfish. 'ou put yourself first$ instead of treasuring 9 putthe other person first. Cart of the purpose is to develop the relationship 9 get to know the other person$ rather than

using the other person for practice. 2lso$ that attitude is often behind a lot of short%term dating %% you enter into a

elationship hoping to practice being a great boyfriend$ without thinking of the long%term plan for both of you.

wouldn&t say it&s best$ but often times$ it&s what happens. Relationships often don&t work out and it may take one or ries to find out the characteristics of the partner you want.

02.Should senior high ounselors give their unsoliited opinion to students on dating

if $oth students parents have already given their permission?

>ounselors have a responsibility to help mentor and guide us students. Though their opinions on certain issues may

differ from some students& parents& opinions$ they have the right to share what their opinions are. The worst case

cenario is disagreement. 4esides$ hearing a different opinion helps broaden and develop one&s own view of issues ldating.

'ep( 4ut they can&t do more than talking$ consoling$ praying$ and being a good role model. >ounselors don&t holdesponsibility over our personal lives at home. They can help$ but force comes from parents.

2nd why not, !f we merely accepted everything they say without thinking about it$ that would be stupid.

yes%=ne opinion is not the sole opinion. >ounselors can offer a different opinion on dating and open up new

perspectives to dating and what the 4ible says about relationships.

tudents$ and even the parents$ can have an erroneous view of guy%girl relationships. >ounselors should definitely

orrect 9 turn the students back to the 4ible if they see the kids are off%track in their conduct$ motives$ etc. =f cours

hey should be sensitive about it haha.

'es$ because youth consider many different options.

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