GUIDE TO REVISIONSENG 101 1/24/2014

“Revising is rarely a one-step process.”

Revision vs. editing Revision

Re – again Vision – see/imagine Global concerns

Focus, purpose, organization, content, argument

Editing Correcting Mechanics

Grammar, spelling, word choice, sentence structure, punctuation

Responding to comments Squiggly line = confusing, straight

underline = good Answer questions but go beyond that

Adjusts in response to a question should usually be more than one sentence

Don’t forget to respond to peer feedback

Revising your thesis Ask questions

What is your position? Is it stated clearly? Have you explained your criteria for

judgment terms (good/bad, effective/ineffective, successful, etc.?)

Are you as specific as possible? Have you answered every possible “such as?”

or “how so?” question? Reread draft with thesis in mind

Summarize less, analyze more Reread your paragraph(s) and mark sentences

that summarize and those that analyze – what is the ratio? Reflection on the content of the speech

Reread the section of the text you’re discussing Ask questions

What strategies does the author use and what is their effect on the audience?

How does discussing these devices deepen your understanding of the text?

Do any of the words have strong connotations or symbolism?

Too much going on in this paragraph

Points in paragraph do not support topic sentence or paragraph is too long

Reread paragraph What is the point of analysis in this paragraph?

How many points of analysis are there in this paragraph?

Do you have sentences that might fit better in another existing or new paragraph?

Revisit topic sentence Does it accurately precisely represent the

paragraph?

Writing/revising paragraphs Topic sentence

Introduce topic early and stick to it Make sure every sentence in a paragraph

relates to topic sentence Link ideas clearly Repeat key words

What are key words for this paper? Use sentence-level and paragraph-level

transitions p. 43

Connections between paragraphs

Don’t allow paragraphs to exist as separate/independent entities

Organize from simplest to most complex Your later paragraphs should build on ideas

established in earlier paragraphs Draw connections between rhetorical moves.

Repeat key terms from earlier paragraphs. Examples: Allusion and ethos Repetition and pathos Ethos and logos Word choice and context/audience

Proofreading Don’t forget to proofread your second

draft! Tips

Lasagna method Backwards Read aloud Peer help Retype

THE COMMA“The comma was invented to help readers.”

With coordinating conjunctions

Must be before a coordinating conjunction that joins independent clauses Independent clause – word group that can stand

alone as a sentence Coordinating conjunction – FANBOYS – for, and, nor,

but, or, yet, so Many members of King’s audience experienced the horrors

of World War II, so the name “Hitler” produces a strong emotional effect on them.

If the clauses are short and not in danger of confusion you don’t need the comma The sermon was delivered at Christmastime and it is about

peace.

Coordinating conjunctions cont’d

Don’t use a comma and coordinating conjunction unless both clauses are independent A good money manager controls expenses

and invests surplus dollars to meet future needs.

Coordinating conjunctions cont’d

Only FANBOYS are coordinating conjunctions Other transition words such as however, therefore,

instead, in addition, instead, etc. are NOT coordinating conjunctions

Many members of King’s audience experienced the horrors of World War II, therefore the name “Hitler” produces a strong emotional effect on them. – ERROR

Many members of King’s audience experienced the horrors of World War II; therefore, the name “Hitler” produces a strong emotional effect on them.

Many members of King’s audience experienced the horrors of World War II. Therefore, the name “Hitler” produces a strong emotional effect on them.

PracticeKing uses a lot of ethos, and allusions.King uses a lot of ethos and allusions.

King’s text relies on ethos, and this is created in part by multiple allusions.

Comma splice error Two independent clauses joined by only a comma.

King was a minister as well as a political activist, he preached peace through Biblical support. - ERROR

3 ways to fix: Make 2 sentences: King was a minister as well as a

political activist. He preached peace through Biblical support.

Use a semicolon: King was a minister as well as a political activist; he preached peace through Biblical support.

Insert a coordinating conjunction: King was a minister as well as a political activist, so he preached peace through Biblical support.

Practice King relies on ethos, it is create through

multiple allusions. King relies on ethos, which is the appeal

to the speaker’s credibility. King relies on ethos, but pathos is the

strongest appeal in the speech.

Introductory phrases/clauses Use a comma after a phrase that introduces

the conditions of the main action of the sentence On a warm August day in 1963, King delivered

the “I Have a Dream” speech. In spite of his political prominence, King

experienced the same persecution as his audience.

In addition to the credibility he establishes through ethos, King furthers his authority through Biblical allusions.

Separate items in a list King uses ethos, pathos, and logos to

communicate his message. King preaches describes the violence in the

world, explains America’s dependence on other nations, and preaches peace.

King explains the violence that his people have endured, the suffering in other countries, and the need for peace.

King is a confident, soulful speaker. vs. King is a confident and soulful speaker.

The Oxford Comma Do you need

a comma before “and” when listing items?

Restrictive and nonrestrictive elements

Restrictive = necessary to meaning Do NOT use commas to set off restrictive clauses The campers needed clothes that are durable.

Nonrestrictive = modifies or describes but is not necessary to the meaning of a sentence Use comma(s) to set off nonrestrictive clauses The campers needed new shoes, which can be

expensive. King, an African-American activist, preached

peace.

Introduce direct quotations In “A Christmas Sermon on Peace,” King

writes, “…” BUT use a colon if there is a complete

sentence that introduces the quotation: King describes his experience in India: “…”

THE SEMICOLON AND THE COLON

Semicolons Connect major elements of equal

grammatical rank Between independent clauses with no

coordinating conjunction Between independent clauses with a

transitional expression Also, anyway, besides, indeed, finally,

moreover, nevertheless, however, hence, therefore, indeed, etc. Full list on p. 274

Semicolons cont’d Use semicolon to separate list items that

include commas to increase clarity King is well known for his “I Have a Dream”

speech, which was delivered at the March on Washington, “A Christmas Sermon on Peace,” delivered several years later in 1967, and many other political and religious speeches.

King is well known for his “I Have a Dream” speech, which was delivered at the March on Washington; “A Christmas Sermon on Peace,” delivered several years later in 1967; and many other political and religious speeches.

Colons Use a colon after an independent clause

to direct attention to a list, a quotation, or a summary or explanation.

Do NOT use a colon in conjunction with introductory terms (“such as,” “like,” “including,” or “for example”) ERROR: King discusses many issues such as:

The Vietnam War, world hunger, and racism. CORRECT: King discusses many issues: The

Vietnam War, world hunger, and racism.