graverobber
TRANSCRIPT
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G M Fogerty
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THE WIND WAS ICE cold as Deryll drove the
tractor through the cemetery toward the grave and he hoped
that he would be able to get this stiff into the ground before
freezing rain hit. He hated it when Paul Fanders was the
guy in charge of the funerals, he was a bitter, angry sixty
year old who blamed the world for the fact he could not
hold marriage together and thought everyone should suffer
for the fact that his life was a hollow, meaningless shell and
he was too old to do anything about it.
As a result Deryl and everyone else had to sit and wait for
an extra stretch of time for everybody in the nation to have
time to come and pay their respects over this oo who was
no one special in the first place. He was !ust some guy, and
more than liey the ten or so people who had showed up at
his funeral were the only ones who were ever going to. "utbecause Fanders was in his mood, as always, Deryl got to
sit on his rear in the steel shed surrounded by broen stones
and old e#uipment for two hours so that everybody could
have time. $hooptie.
Deryl drove toward the grave and noticed the caset was
not sitting right. He cursed and got close. He also noticedsome fabric was sticing out around the edge of the lid. He
got close and looed. %h please let it be one of those gals
who would sit there coming apart at the seams over this
guy and begging him not to be dead, the same ones that
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spent fifteen thousand dollars on a box to sit the caset in in
the ground so the lifeless, useless shell of a human being
would not rot but would be there a millinium later for the
archaeologists.
$ith some worry Deryl grabbed the edge of the caset
and shoved it open. He cursed and looed around the
graveyard. &he caset was empty and the inner sheets were
damaged. 'omeone had stolen the body and they would be
all over him lie gift wrapping if he had been sitting in that
shed and missed the twisted idiot who too the guy home,probably to cut off his head and tae the sull.
(t had to be some cult maniac or some idiot 'atanist or
whatever and there would be law suits out the wazoo over
it. &here was some !oer from the local actor)s school who
lied to wal around here in blac coats and a top hat lie
some frea from the movies, living the falls eason all yearlong thining he was Dracula...no that guy was !ust some
nut, he wouldn)t do that, steal a whole cadaver*
Deryl cursed some more. Forget this crap. He shoved
the caset onto the rac and hit the switch, his heart
pounding, hoping that Fanders did not pic now to come by
and see how he was doing his !ob.
%nce that thing was in the ground some idiot with a
shovel and twisted mind would tae the blame if there ever
was a #uestion and there probably never would be. Deryl
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stood there and to his shoc and horror a truc was coming
that looed lie Fanders. +ome on, you bitch, come on.+
He cursed at the caset. &he truc passed by and went on.
-ood.
Deryl got ont he tractor and wored the levers, shoving
dirt over the caset fast till the grave was finished. He then
breathed a sigh of relief. $hoever the turd was that made
off with that body could have it /ou chop em up and tae
the sull and eat the brain if you want to, the family pays
respects at what they thin is a grave with a man in it, andthat is the end of it, everybody is happy and Fanders gets to
buy himself a sac of smoe or whatever he was into.
Deryl glanced at the name plate. %h, Denise, thought it
was a guy, who gives a care she isn)t there anymore
anyhow.
Deryl too the tractor bac and put it away, then got intohis rusty truc to leave the graveyard. %nce he got out of
the gate he felt a surge of relief. (t was done. 'tupid idiots
stealing from graves. $ow, what would they do* 'it the
guy up in the passenger seat and drive in the H%0 lane*
He craced open a beer and drove on. 1ot his problem
anymore.
SHELLEY WENT INTO the waiting erea and went
up to the mirror. 'he looed at herself closely. Her long
blonde hair was brushed, !ust needed a touch up. Her bust
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was prominent, neclace danging righ into the proper spot,
perfect figure accentuated by the dress she was
wearing...oh yeah, tae the thigh split on the dress and
unzip it a spot more so show some more leg, mae sure herhigh heels looed right, ah there we were, ready to deal
with a man.
Flipping her hair out of her front so her top would show,
'helley waled into the office where the promoter was
waiting.
+()m told we have a problem*+ 'helley ased.
+()m not sure what you mean.+
+()m told there is an issue over paying my band*+
+1o issue, ( !ust need them to wait on the pay till
tomorrow afternoon so the funds will be in place.+
'helley leaned over so her top would push out, and as
expected the promoter)s eyes traveled down then bac up.
+&hen we will be on our way down the road to the next
event and when there is a problem in the system we wont
be able to come bac and fix it and you will be
conveniently out of the picture, right2ems*+
+1o, there)s no problem, you $(33 get paid tomorrow
afternoon+ He insisted. 'helley then smiled her perfect
smile accentuated by the little pointy nose that made her
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sister call her mouse face. +(n that case we can come bac
tomorrow and play the music+
+&he festival ends this evening, !ust go ahead...+
+1o pay, no play+ 'helley said angrily. +/ou aren)t
dealing with an amateur, ()ve been doing this for some time
now and ()ve been there and done that. /ou either get my
boys their money or we get the hell out, Per...e...odd. -ot
that*+
+( can)t !ust go out and announce to twenty five thousandpeople that the band is not playing+
+( can.+ 'helley whipped around and her hair swished
through the air as she glided out the door and toward the
stage where the band was waiting, tuned and ready to go.
'he counted down mentally and on one, there he was,
running madly. +%ay, oay, hang on ()m getting the guyon the phone so you can get paid in the next few minutes+
He yelled. 'helley stopped, spun around and flashed a big
smile. +$onderful (n that case in a few minutes we have
lots of loud music for the fans+
$ithin a few minutes the fans were roaring and the band
began playing as 'helley stood off to the side and swungher rear in time to the music. 'he then noticed the
promoter standing off to the side staring at her. Phooey.
'he should not have to stand still !ust because this guy was
getting a big charge out of seeing her there.
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&he promoter left as the band went into their last song,
and 'helley checed her scheduler and saw that they had a
television show that night, then that was it for a few wees,
a nice little well deserved brea.
&hey had started out as a small hard roc group in a dusty
town no one had heard of who made maps and they had
traveled around town playing in a few teen gatherings and
even made three small recordings which sold well. &hey
started entering contests and after three years of hard wor
they were in her city to do another contest and she hadbegun to promote them. &hey ended up staying, maing
more money, playing better gigs and wound up with a spot
on national television and were seen by a huge music
legend.
&hey had gone on tour and rereleased their material and
gone stellar. 'helley was along for the ride, and shehandled their business since the hotsy blonde got into
cracs they could not, ind of lie a mouse. 'he had much
better negotiating power. For the time being she was
en!oying it.
'helley went to let the promoter now they were pacing
to leave and she opened the door to hit his mirror and causefour lines of coe to splatter all over him. $hat he had in
the straw got blasted bac on her dress. He looed lie
such a moron with white powder all over his face and a
loo of shoc in his wide eyes. 'helley dusted the coe off
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her sirt. +$e)re paced and out of here. /ou can send the
invoice with all the others.+ 'he smiled dryly and departed,
leaving him sitting there.
&he band got into their respective vehicles and pulled into
a town called Ashford three hours later, enough time to
shower, get a night of sleep and have some time to mess
around the next day before going on television.
'helley went to her room and her attendant brought her
little mini refrigerator up. As he left she got out a pacage
of raw stea, some raw chicen and large bottle of stiff
fluid. 'he then sat bac and turned the television on. 'he
got up to chec and mae sure the door was loced. &here
was an animated show on and she turned up the volume. (n
the next room the boys were bedding down and she could
hear a guitar being tuned.
'helley too out a huge piece of stea and bit into it,
taing out a huge chun and chewing it vigorously. &hey
always bled them too much. 'he too a second bite, and a
third, ripping the stea to bits and devouring all of it, then
she bit into a chun of chicen. "one snapped and she
crunched it. Delicious. 'he ate the entire piece of chicen
and two steas, then she bit the lid off the bottle and spat itacross the room. 'he tipped it up and felt the warm, salty
stuff satisfying her thirst. 'he then wrapped the pacages
up and threw them away, washed the mass of stea blood,
chicen !uice and goo off her face and laid down to rest.
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'helley got up that morning and called the local airport to
confirm her plane to tae the boys home that night after the
show. &he drummer and second guitarist had decided to
stay on and catch a swimming suit competition that nightwhile the frontman, a cute long haired guy named Alex and
the bass player Daniel who had a wife and daughter,
decided to hop the plane and go home to other persuits.
(f that)s what they wanted to do, she decided to tae one
of the other ticets for herself and ride bac to town also
and wor on her other pro!ects.
'helley called a cab so she could go to the store and lshe
noced on the door of the band)s room. 'he expected
them to still be sleeping, but instead, the drummer,
4enneth, opened the door and she found them all dressed
and cleaned up discussing business.
+$ow, no point telling you guys we need to be at the
studio an hour early at least for sound checs.+
+1o, we were going to hit a music store in town and pic
up a few things. ( really need to change drum hads after
tonight.+ 4en said. Alex was sprawled bonelessly over a
couch with his unplugged guitar in front of him and Daniel
was sitting next to him as if he had been hit by a car going
over lyrics.
+$oring on something new*+ 'helley ased.
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+1o, putting music with an old idea.+ Danb replied.
hris, the other guitar player, had a fist around his hair,
with most of it dangling and he was whipping it with a
brush, getting it fluffy. 'helley laughed. +All that hair is a
pain isn)t it. 5aybe you should get a crew cut or shave it.+
hris looed at her, 5r. 'erious. +1o, after seeing what (
looed lie with short hair bac in the days when mom and
dad were telling me how the devil invented roc music to
corrupt our youth, methins ()ll stic with the pain.+
'helley looed at the boys and said +%, ()m off to the
local mall, ( will be bac in time for us to be gone, so stay
ready. &hans guys.+
'helley waled out of the room and outside where her
cab was waiting. 'he rode to the mall and got out of the
car, straightening her sirt and paying the driver, thenturned to catwal into the place, feeling his eyes on her as
she moved.
(nside the mall there was the sound of the dry, tasteles
music they played to sooth everyone so they would spend
more money and the smells of pretzels, pizza and pasta,
thoroughly disgusting. 'helley waled past the eateries,and she came to a vegetarian place. Her stomache notted
and she felt herself gagging.
'helley could not get away from the vegetable counter
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memory*+
'helley !ust stared at him for a moment. He looed into
her eyes and shoo his head. +( can understand amnesia,
but ( saw you in the caset, you had been embalmed and
unless they managed to wae you up while the caset was
sitting on the rac waiting to be lowered into the grave you
were dead.+
+(s that who she was* /our girlfriend*+ 'helley ased.
+$ow, ( would have thought the chances of that were
impossible.+
&he man looed at her. +$hat the hell do you mean, is
that who 'H6 was*+
+&he girl who)s body this is. ()m sorry you lost your
girlfiend.+
&here was such disbelief on his face, the man shoo his
head, stunned at what he was hearing. +'o what are, /%7*
'ome ind of alien*+
'helley laughed. +$ow, that)s amazing, ( never ran into
anyone who new the body before, but then ( mae it a
practice to get far away from wherever they were anyhow.
(t maes the body feel more lie it)s mine.+
&he man !ust stared at her speechless. 'helley looed at
the meat counter where the sandwiches were. +&his is one
of the pretty ones. &he last one ( used was a man, and you
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now the funny thing about being in a man is that you can)t
wear nice clothes and perfume, nice !ewelry, you have to
have a woman)s body for that. ()ve really en!oyed this one.
'o what was her name*+ 'helley ased. &he man !uststared at her. He grabbed her purse and she gave him an
angry loo, but in a moment he looed at her driver)s
license and looed shoced again.+
+'helley harlene Francis 3ane.+ He read. +%h my -od,
everything about you is some gal named 'helley. $hat the
hell are /%7 doing in my girlfriend)s body*+
'helley leaned close to him and her eyes widened with
excitement. +$hat $A' her name*+ &he man looed
horrified. +&his can)t be true. 1o way. Her name was
Denise, and she was a sweet girl. $e were going to get
married then some idiot on a 'unday night had too much to
drin and hit the car. 'he was driving and got a hard hit toher head, it illed her instantly.+
'helley looed pleased. +$ow. ( never new that much
about anyone else, but then after ( found their body and
repaired what damage was done to cause their death ( didn)t
care. ( can only use the ones with some small thing lie a
bullet or something, not the really bad ones. ()m sorry,whoever you are, but your girlfriend has been dead for ten
years. ( really don)t mean to sound cold, but ( never new
her and...well, there is no nice way to say it, she)s freain
dead 'he has an awesome body though, nice figure, nice
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legs, nice hair and face, ( love it.+
&he man looed disgusted. +/eah, and one way or
another, that is the truth. &hat)s !ust what they told me after
the accident too. 'he)s dead. Amnesia or alien invasion,
she)s freain dead.+ He got up and stared at 'helley as he
waled away. 'he got up and went for the clothing section,
staying away from the food court.
THE MIKES WERE set and the camera)s aimed.'helley sat off to the side and watched. 'he was proud,
they were lie her children. 'he drew a piece of raw por
out of the bag she had in her purse and snaced on it as she
watched.
&he audience went crazy and the announcer yelled out the
name of the band, 3ong Haired 'creaming 8oc "and, sonamed as a !oe, a !oe that had caught on such as the band
once nown as the &rash 5en, among others. &hey roared
into the first song as the promoter came up to 'helley and
let her now that the pilot had the plane waiting for them
and had been brought in to see the show. (t was his first
time flying a well nown band.
&he second song exploded and the audienc was !umping
and screaming. 'helley ate her last strip of raw por and
tossed the bag as the band played, shaing the whole house
and the cameras moved gently from side to side catching
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the action. (n all, they did two new songs and three of their
big ones that had made them a name.
$ith some slaps of audience hands they headed for the
door. (n the bathroom, on the bac of the toilet seat, the
pilot waited for them to finish the P8 crap and he poured a
glass of alcahol, followed by heavy cold medicine and he
dran it down. Four lines of coe and he was buzzing. He
used breath spray and brushed his teeth then went out and
got pictures with the band and made a pass at 'helley. 'he
was totally disinterested and that was going to wrec hisnight.
&hey rode down to the air strip, several blocs away, and
the boys trotted triumphantly to the plane. &he pilot felt as
if he was in space as he bounced around and teased his
passengers and could not tae his eyes off 'helley)s body.
&he plane fired up as light rain pelted the windshield and
light fog rolled in. Daniel came up to the pilot as everyone
settled in. +How foggy do you thin it)s gonna get*+ &he
pilot laughed, sweat rolling down his face. +%h we)ll be
way up there by the time that becomes an issue.+
Dan didn)t lie the tons of sweat coursing down the pilot)s
face and he sat down next to 'helley. 'he looed out the
window as the plane began to move and Daniel looed at
her. 'he smiled and he decided to dismiss the whole thing.
&he pilot was singing one of their songs !ust enough to be
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heard as the plane lifted off, then a pressure, and finally a
searing pain erupted in his chest. He gripped the steering
and wondered if he should turn the plane bac around, but
then they would wonder why, find out and he would get inhuge trouble and lose his !ob.
Daniel was nervous but he began to tal to Alex about
getting together bac at home.
As they taled, the pilot was nearly overwhelmed with
pain in his chest and was forcing himself to breath in and
out. He could hear himself starting to gasp and sweat
dribbled off his face and splattered onto his hands.
At that moment he realized he had to try and get some
help, he could not ever do this again (t was too close He
thought of losing his !ob and having his career
destroyed....as the plane flew to the ground and the body
was ripped to shreds on impact.
&he passengers barely realized something was wrong as
the plane tumbled along the ground bashing them and
throwing them out. (n seconds it was all over and there
was a flaming pile of wrecage and people on the ground.
(n minutes the rescue worers were there, lights flashingas they checed each of the vicims for signs of life. &here
were none.
"ody bags were opened and the victims were loaded up
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and transported bac to the morgue. (n the bag carried by
the pilot, police found cold medicine, a bottle of whisey,
and a small bag of cocaine. &he policeman shoo their
heads. &hey never learn no matter how many of them die.
&he beds wheeled into the main room and the attendant
too each one, wrote out the tags and laid them out in the
waiting erea till the night shift could come and deal with
them. He had too many others waiting.
He turned the light out and left the room as a call was
made to the other band members to come identify the
bodies. &he room fell silent. A zipper began to come
undone, and as silence filled the air the bag opened.
'helley sat up. 'he sighed in great dissapointment. Her
bac was broen, ribs broen, several organs ruptured and
she had in!uries in her head. Her nose was bleeding as
were both ears. A's she tried to hold her smashed bodyerect she was disturbed at the sound of the bones grinding
and grating on each other. $hat a mess.
'helley stepped on the floor and found her right leg was
badly broen. 'he found a standing rac with wheels next
to her and she used it to help her wal. 'he passed by a
mirror and looed into it. +%h nooooooo+ 'helley said intotal dissapointment as she saw what the plane crash had
done to her face and body. 'he continued on to the other
beds. &here were five of them. &wo were Dan and Alex.
1o luc there.
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After a few seconds -ene got bac on the tractor and it
started and ran. He then put it in gear and began driving.
As he heared the grave he stopped. He !ust sat for a
moment.
&he caset lid opened and a teenage girl sat up. -ene
was very confused. $as this a pran or what* He turned
off the tracor and waled up near the grave. &he girl got
out of the caset and stood for a moment, then examined
her arms and legs as though maing sure everything
wored.
&he girl looed at -ene, who nodded as if to say +well
this is sure something new.+ &he girl smiled in a silly
fashion, closed the caset lid and looed at the street. 'he
then looed at -ene one more time. +&hans fer closing
it.+ He said. 'he smiled again and turned and waled
away as -ene shoo his head. His old friend Deryl hadfound himself missing a guy one time, at least he had
assumed it was a guy, so he told him. &he body was
missing then too so he buried the caset anyway and no one
was ever the wiser.
-ene put the tractor into gear, lowered the caset and
pushed the dirt over it. &hat was that. 'he was pretty goodlooing for a zombie.
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