TRINITY CHILDRENS CENTRE

September 2019

HELP!M Y B A B Y H A S D I E D

Hearing about infant salvation offered hope to Teana and me; it can also offer hope to a grieving family. Teana and I realised that the real answer to our sorrow was not in the eternal welfare of our children who died, or even in the answers of the Bible, but in God.A desire for answers is greater during grief, yet knowing the answer is not always enough! Rather than being a help manual, the Bible reveals a gracious God who is quick to forgive.It teaches us that Jesus is both the wisdom and power of God (1 Cor. 1:24). It goes beyond our question to drive us to the ultimate truth about eternal and abundant life which according to Jesus If one word sums up God’s

intent for mankind it is

no cure for sorrow! For that, God must overwhelm you with himself!

In Conclusion

rescue infants from the pain of this fallen world. Their absence makes heaven more appealing & our anticipation of heaven more passionate – but it’s

Sometimes God sees fit to

you in reading this booklet will be to grow in a personal knowledge of God (the Key to hope, the anchor of rest, and the Author of salvation).

The greatest benefit for

warrant our love and trust, we are not of this world.

Your sadness will lessen, but will be replaced by yet another grief. This fallen world reminds us to fix our hopes on God himself; His goodness and faithfulness

God is not Silent (Psalm 139)

HELPMY BABY HAS

DIED

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CONTENTS

INTRODUCTIONPAGE 3

HOW CAN YOU MEND A BROKEN HEART?PAGE 4

CHILDREN, SIN AND DEATHPAGE 5

GOD IS NOT SILENTPAGE 6

A WELL PLACED HOPEPAGE 8

CONCLUSIONPAGE 8

TRINITY CHILDREN’S CENTRE

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INTRODUCTIONThe greatest grief anyone can endure is the death of a child. It awakens us from our everyday existence to the stark reality of a world gone wrong. After the birth of our second daughter, Teana and I wept over the loss of three children we never met; each death made worse be the previous trauma. The weakness felt by a Mom who can’t rescue a dying child is multiplied for a Dad who helplessly walks with her, unable to save either of them!As a pastor I’ve listened to parents bargain with God for their child’s life, or offer their own hearts, kidneys or lungs in exchange for the failing organs of a baby. As a friend I’ve walked out of cemeteries with parents who remain mesmerized by a tiny casket solemnly lowered out of sight, deep into a ground that swallowed their hope, joy and future.In these moments we wonder how the world carries on, when everything is so incredibly broken. As we follow the hearse we see the rest of the world carry on with life. No one can identify with our sorrow, no one understands! The loss can be partially described but never fully defined. It is waiting – for it not to be true and then, once no longer doubted, for it to be made untrue – and then a moment-by-moment longing for time itself to end so that it never had

is echoed throughout the Bible like when Job heard his children had suddenly died:

“The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away.” (Job 1:21)

The Bible doesn’t have every answer to all our

This truth about God’s providence in the lives of children

(v.14).

Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it well

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

true for you and I.plan was too much for David to understand. The same is

is a dark mystery. God is ever present, intricately weaving children together (v.15). We learned that children are a gift from a God who is in control. This

God opens & shuts the womb (Gen 20:18); why this is so

Parents don’t stare at a blank page when looking at Scripture about birth, life and death. Many children don’t escape the cost of living in a fallen world. Think about this bedtime prayer:

“Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take”.

This 18th century sense of daily dread has been reduced by medical advances but not eliminated. The Psalms holds many answers:

...in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them

God is not Silent (Psalm 139)

8:29-30).

Every act of God in salvation can

justified he also glorified” (Rom. justified, and those whom he those whom he called he also among many brothers. And that he might be the firstborn to the image of his Son, in order also predestined to be confirmed “For those whom he foreknew he SALVATION:THE GOLDEN CHAIN OF

apart and “called …by …grace” within the womb (Gal. 1:15-16). There’s no reason to believe that baby’s who die before birth, or in infancy, or before an age of accountability are with Jesus in heaven.

for joy” (Luke 1:44) upon hearing about Jesus. Paul was set

womb (Luke 1:15), as he “leaped God’s Spirit from his mother’s John the Baptist was aware of enabled him to face life with joy. reunion with the child, which the baby died he focused on be sufficient for his baby. Once David understood God’s grace to

he is dead. Why should I fast? Can I bring him back again.”

wasn’t mourning, he replied “while the child was alive, I fasted and wept, for I said who knows whether the Lord will be gracious to me, that the child might live? But now

worship. When asked why he and went to the temple to himself up, put on clean clothes died he changed – he picked prayed to God. But after the baby illness David fasted, wept and his birth. During the baby’s David’s first child died soon after

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Children, Sin and Death

How can you mend a broken heart?

expectation, like before was for a healthy baby. But in the first trimester Teana had a lot of bleeding and had to take bed rest. Later that day as the bleeding got worse we went to hospital. Teana suffered her first miscarriage with a baby so small that it fitted in a sterile cup. As we heard the words ‘spontaneous abortion’ our hearts were sickened and we had so many questions.Horror doesn’t describe the feelings we had that day, yet in spite of our sorrow we tried again. Remarkably we fell pregnant again. In May 1984,

again. Our son and so conceived But we longed for a Angela arrived.two years later complications, and without any December 1978

Before we married our doctors told Teana it was improbable she would be able to have children. And so it was a surprise and delight when we conceived our first child. Steph was born in

Remembering is both a blessing and a curse. They remind us of unpleasant experiences we should avoid in future. Like sunburn or a hangover.

stand in the present. But not all memories are treasures for keeping!

There are many occasions we chose to remember: a wedding day, the birth of a child or a special holiday. Memories are our imagination at work over the past, that recall wonder, sights, and smells of other people, places and times while we

My greatest memory from that trial was our ride home. I couldn’t endure it any more; I leaned toward my wife and said “we can’t do this any more baby”. But one year later, Teana had made it to the second trimester of pregnancy! We were both hopeful and fearful. A well meaning friend told us “God is good, he won’t let this happen to you again.” A few days later the bleeding came. The doctor assured us it was normal at this stage, not to worry. But even as we left the doctor’s surgery, it got worse to the point that the doctor himself took us to the emergency room, where Teana delivered her third breathless child.How is it possible to love and miss somebody you’ve never met? Both our hearts were again

a result of being part of the human race. The Gospel tells us we have mercy & forgiveness for sin in the person of Jesus. There’s also examples of mercy shown

children we’re spiritually dead, separated from God; children of wrath, in need of grace (Rom 5:12). Children like adults die as

sin is death. As Adam’s

answers, Christianity seemed the right place to look.Christians believe life begins at conception & because we’re Adam’s relatives we carry his sin (from birth). God warned Adam & Eve the penalty for

We asked each other over and over, “what happens to when babies die?” Neither of us was very religious, but without any