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Game of Thrones: More Feminist Than You Think

Eliana Dockterman

June 14, 2014

http://time.com/2865626/game-of-thrones-more-feminist-than-you-think/Theres been a lot of justifiable hand-wringing over the way women have been treated onGame of Thronesthis season. And if a scene where Jaime rapes his love and sister, Cersei, next to their dead sons body wasnt upsetting enough, the director of the episode stirred up further controversy by saying the act becomes consensual by the end. Writers and critics spilled a lot of ink explaining why rape cantbecomeconsensual,including me.

What was especially disturbing was that particular sex scene was consensual in the books. The show writers decided toaddthe part where she protests against him as hes having sex with her (even if they didnt think of it as rape). And women didnt fare any better in the next episode in which a group of nameless, topless women are raped in the background of a scene.

But theres still a compelling argument for why we shouldnt write offGame of Thronestreatment of women yet. As the season has progressed, the women of the show have grown more powerful, sometimes even more so than their male counterparts.

For some female characters, this growing strength has been literal: Arya killed her first grown man with her sword; Ygritte refused to be scared by some cannibals threatening her and threatened them right back; Olenna Redwyne murdered Joffrey. Others have grown psychologically stronger: Daenerys learned to objectify men in the same way men on the show have objectified other women; Shae delivered the deciding blow in Tyrions trial; Sansa recently learned to use her sexual wiles to manipulate Littlefinger. Yes, women on the show are treated as sex objects, but now theyre learning to wield their sexuality as a weapon.

Add these evolutions to the already-strong portrayals of other women on the show: Brienne is as strong as Jaime; Melisandre has total control over Stannis Baratheon; Yara Greyjoy can captain troops; Daenerys is queen of her own people; Cersei is the strongest of her siblings; and Margaery and Cersei are vying for control over the king. The strength of these women is all the more impressive considering they live in a male-dominated world in which women dont inherit property (except in Dorne), cant be warriors (except among the wildlings and the ironborn) and are mainly expected to just produce heirs.

Whether fans like it or not, rape is a part of theGame of Thronesworldboth in the books and onscreen. Rape and sexual violence have been a part of every war ever fought, from the ancient Sumerians to our present day, George R.R. Martin, author of the book series and occasional writer on the show,told the New YorkTimes. To omit them from a narrative centered on war and power would have been fundamentally false and dishonest.

And while its disturbing that the creators D.B. Weiss and David Benioff saw fit to add the Cersei rape scene, they have also diverged from the book in positive ways for women. They added a scene set in Sansas chamber where Sansa tells Littlefinger suggestively that she knows what he wants, leaving the viewer to infer that shes learning to be as cunning as he is. In the books, Daenerys frets over whether she should sleep with Daario; in the show, she confidently commands him to strip and gazes at him in the way many kings on the show have gazed at nude women before. The show writers even give the badass Ygritte a much more robust role than she gets in the books. Sometimes the show makes women less powerful, and sometimes it makes them more powerful.

Sundays season finale will determine where the women of Westeros stand. But taking the season as a whole, girls seem to be closer to running theGame of Thronesworld than they ever have before.

Still not satisfied? Then take comfort in the fact that next season ofThroneslooks to be the most woman-centric yet: theyre adding three of Oberyns daughters and Arianne Martell to the cast. With each passing season, it seems more likely that a woman will capture the iron throne.

The Abused Wives of Westeros: A Song of Feminism in Game of Thrones

Ammy Zimmerman

June 30, 2014

http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2014/04/30/the-abused-wives-of-westeros-a-song-of-feminism-in-game-of-thrones.htmlGame of Thronesis famous for its boobs, battles, and baby dragons. But fans of the originalIce and Fireseries would argue that the F-word actually lies at the heart of George R.R. Martins fantastical tale. No, the other F-word: feminism.

George R.R. Martin, the beloved scribe behind theA Song of Ice and Fireseries, seems fairly convinced that he is a feminist. For Martin, Being a feminist is about treating men and women the same I regard men and women as all human. While Martins textbook take on gender equality reads like its copy and pasted from an Intro to Gender Studies syllabus, its still refreshing to hear from a fantasy writer, whose work has consistently introduced three-dimensional female characters within the framework of a historically misogynistic genre. Initially, HBOsGame of Thronesseemed to tune into the feminist-friendly vibe of its source material, relaying the vivid lives and quiet injustices endured by both the ruling class and the oppressed other.Game of Thronesmission to reveal the inner fortitude of those whom society renders weak or disposable, the unloved bastards and abused wives of Westeros, is about as explicit as its sex scenes. Yet a myriad of questionably misogynistic and inarguably disturbing scenes have, of late, led viewers to question the effectiveness ofGoTs feminist mission.

And while no character on the series is perfect, it does seem that the shows women are more oppressed, weak, and petty than their male counterpartsnor does it escape critics notice that the strongest females on the show appear to be those who have suppressed their femininity and gender identities altogether. Of course, one could rebut thatGame of Thronesis merely fantasy; however, with their complex relationships to power, self-autonomy, and liberation, these problematic medieval women seem to have something vital to tell us about our modern world.

The conversation aboutGame of Thronesand feminismhas catapulted to the top of Twitter feeds and Google alerts because of a particularly upsettingrape scene. In the Season 3 episode Breaker of Chains, Jaime Lannister approaches his sister as she mourns beside the corpse of her recently murdered son. The situation is, naturally, a little more complicated than it initially appears: Jaime and Cersei have been lovers for decades, and the deceased Joeffrey was the product of their incestuous relations. Jaime, stumbling upon this tableau of maternal grief, proceeds to rape his sister, all the while cursing the gods for making him love a hateful woman.

As an isolated televised incident, this scene is extremely disturbing in its own right. It features rape, emotional abuse, and incest, all enacted over a childs corpse: its like the producers behindGoTwere playing a game of sexual assault trigger bingo. A scene thats so cruelly arresting should, by the implied rules of television drama, advance the plot in some unique way, or serve to illuminate the complexities of its character. However, viewers immediately questioned the necessity of this incident.

The harrowing television interaction was a huge departure from the parallel scene in the novel. In George R.R Martins version, the intercourse is a good deal more consensual (although, one could argue that the violent power dynamics that pervadeGoTall but eliminate the possibility of its female characters granting true, enthusiastic consent). InA Storm of Swords, Cersei does attempt to stop her brother at first, warning him that they might be walked in on, or cursed by the gods. But eventually, she gets swept into the spirit of the reunion, telling Jaime, Quickly,quickly, now, do it now. Conversely, Cersei never consents on the show, and cries and objects throughout the scene. So why did HBO go in such a different direction?

In an online counter to the pervasive Internet backlash (this isGoT, after all,) Martinhypothesizedthat, The whole dynamic is different in the show, where Jaime has been back for weeks at the least, maybe longer, and he and Cersei have been in each others company on numerous occasions, often quarreling. The setting is the same, but neither character is in the same place as in the books, which may be why Dan & David played the [scene] out differently. While replacing a love scene with a rape scene might be more justifiable in terms of the plot context of the television series, this shift has larger, disturbing implications when read in tandem with the unending vilification of Cersei, both on the HBO show and in the original series. The message that comes across here is loud and clear: while ambitious men reap lovers, wealth, and countless kingdoms, ambitious women are scorned as unfeminine, cold, and crueland punished accordingly.

***

Cersei Lannister, the conniving, beautiful former queen of the Seven Kingdoms, is a highly visible figure in Kings Landing; she can often be spotted plotting, scheming, and feuding with powerful men. But despite her faade of influence and autonomy, Cersei is actually one of the most tragic characters onGame of Thrones. Married off to a man, Robert Baratheon, who is in love with another, she finds herself scorned and alone. Robert belittles and abuses Cersei, both physically and emotionally. In Season 1 he slaps her full across the face and threatens to keep hitting her if she speaks out of turn again. While Cersei finds love and comfort in the arms of her twin brother, Jaime, he similarly casts her in a position of inferiority and powerlessness.

Cersei is not unaware of how her gender predestines her to watch from the sidelines as countless men assume the political power she so wantonly craves. In one particularly poignant Season 2 speech to Sansa Stark, Cersei bitterly explains, When we were young, Jaime and I, we looked so much alike even our father couldnt tell us apart. I could never understand why they treated us differently. Jaime was taught to fight with sword and lance and mace, and I was taught to smile and sing and please. He was heir to Casterly Rock, and I was sold to some stranger like a horse to be ridden whenever he liked."

In this way, with all her talk of gendered frustration and societal repression, Cersei is the living, breathing poster child forThe Feminine Mystique. Like any stereotypical, frustrated, 1950s homemaker, Cersei faces the problem that has no namea unique, manic depression stemming from the fact that she, unlike her father, siblings, and sons, was not born a man. The idea of a woman propelled toward ugly behavior by her myriad gendered frustrations is not foreignafter all, we all watched Betty Draper raise the bar of homebound misbehavior throughout the first few seasons ofMad Men, seemingly motivated by nothing more than her own boredom and desire to piss off her inattentive, philandering husband. And yet, theres something strange about just how evil and petty Cersei becomes.

Cersei is portrayed not just as a villain, but also as a harpya woman whose particular brand of badness is intrinsically tied up in her roles as mother, daughter, lover, and wife. Cersei is cunning, focused, and power-hungrynot unlike her father and brothers. Why, then, are we led to believe that her conniving ways are so ineffectual and misdirected? Cerseis brother Tyrion is a dwarf, and as such is derided and dismissed just as Cersei is due to her gender. However, Tyrion is portrayed as even-tempered and intelligent, an underrated force of his own. Tyrion evades societal prescriptions and emerges triumphant, whereas Cersei is rendered powerless time and time again, and often portrayed as a victim of her own feminine passions and weak maternal instincts.

Cersei is apparently so malformed by her own lack of agency that she descends into pettiness and paranoia, to the point that she appears insurmountably distrustful of Margaery Tyrell, simply for being hotter and younger than she is. InA Feast for Crows, Cersei jealously hypothesizes that Margaery is her rival for Joffreys heart and mind: Every day in every way she tries to steal him from me. This sheer, feminized pettiness diminishes Cerseis innate power as a woman smart enough to question the patriarchal system under which she resides, and bold enough to challenge the men who seek to diminish her. Instead of portraying this power-hungry female character as a ruthless pioneer,Game of Thronespaints her as an irrational, heartless bitch. The coldest dimension of the Jaime Cersei rape scene is not the fact of their twinship or the corpse in the background; its the implication that a woman who does not sacrifice her body willingly, who does not behave as a woman ought, is a hateful womanand she will be forced, through a violent and unforgettable lesson, to remember that her body, mind, and life are not in fact her own.

***

The natural rebuttal to any sort of critique of Cerseis systematic denigration and vilification is that she is only one of the many female characters in this series. Cersei undoubtedly harkens back to a stage of feminism that can be classified as pre-sexual revolution: she is unhappy and enraged, but almost entirely de-clawedshe lacks the means and the tools to dismantle the patriarchy that oppresses her, and therefore must simply survive within a system that pre-supposes her inherent weakness and inferiority. However, fans might argue, other femaleGoTcharacters like Margaery Tyrell and Daenerys Targaryen are prime examples of medieval Sheryl Sandbergs: women who appear to have mastered their own destinies, in spite of losing the genetic gender jackpot.

Margaery Tyrell is an expert courtiereven when she is married off to the sadistic and cruel Joffrey, she manages to earn the affection and respect of the little boy king. In this way, Margaery uses her feminine wiles to cement her own power as Westeros queen-to-be. Yet, she is still very much a pawn in the systemher body is actively sold to the highest bidder. Meanwhile, Daenerys Targaryen resides on the next highest rung of relative female liberation. Like Margaery, she is young, cunning, and powerful. However, unlike Maergary, she appears to hold a mans power as a warrior, politician, and seeker of the iron throneroles that are widely considered to be beyond the meager abilities of the fairer sex.

However, Daeneryss story is not the feminist fairy tale it initially appears to be. Daenerys was married off at the age of 13. InA Game of Thrones, the sale of the underage Daenerys is described in brutal detail, with her brother Viserys inspecting her pubescent body and asking, Are you sure that Khal Drogo likes his women this young? A fair question, since Khal is estimated to be in his thirties. Despite these horrifying circumstances,Game of Thronesoutlines the unfolding love story between Daenerys and her warrior husband, who she eventually recognizes as her rightful husband and true equal. This is not love. This is rape. Pedophilic sex is nonconsensual, period.

Furthermore, Daeneryss story rests on a racial narrative that is questionable at best. Yes, Daenerys is a brave, just, ruler. She builds her political campaign on the tenet of freedom as she marches through the East liberating slaves and building her conquering army. But even as we laud the image of this strong, female warrior, we must take a step back to examine the implications of the kind white lady and her strange civilizing mission. Daeneryss feminine goodness, her urge to mother a nation of former slaves, is painted in contrast to the savage cities and cultures she encounters. She must whitewash these brown men and women, rid them of their savage, slavish ways, and repaint them in her own image. Surely, Daenerys is strong, powerful, and liberated; but her larger narrative is anything but progressive, and problematizes even as it empowers.

With Daenerys, Margaery, and Cersei out of the way, there are still two other female characters to consider for the title of most liberated lady. Brienne of Tarth and young Arya Stark are two women who fashion themselves as brave knights. This tomboy status affords them freedom and strength; the liberty to fashion their own futures, secure in the knowledge that they can defend themselves (well, most of the timeloyal fans will remember that both Brienne and Arya have at various points owed their lives to the valiant efforts of male saviors). However, this less traveled path of female warriorhood isnt all triumphant sword fights and liberation from traditional gender binaries.

Its important to note that both the books and the series describe these two female characters as ugly, or at the very least, plain. We learn in the first book that Aryas nickname is Arya Horseface. Similarly, Wikipedias amalgamated description of Brienne reads, She has large, very blue eyes that appear trusting and guileless, but they are her only attractive feature. She is extremely broad-shouldered, but has virtually no bust. Her face is broad and coarse, with a nose that has been broken several times. Her mouth is too wide, with prominent and crooked teeth and lips so plump they seem swollen. Both Brienne and Arya are found wanting in the traditional, essential feminine arts: domesticity and beauty. The implication here is that they adopt the dress and mannerisms of men because they have failed as women. In this way, butch battle strength is offered as an appealing, but nonetheless secondary, option when being a good lady doesnt work out.

Throughout the Seven Kingdoms, a womans power is always restrained, differentiated, and compromisedunless she chooses to trade it in and approximate a mans instead. Brienne and Arya are free in ways that their traditional, ladylike counterparts can only dream ofbut this freedom is wrought from the negation of their femininity, a phenomenon that is illustrated in Briennes fearless defense of King Renly, a physical protection that she, as an ugly woman, offers him in lieu of her romantic love. Brienne and Arya eschew their femininity and their gendered emotions in order to pick up their swords, thus perpetuating the myth that womanhood equals weakness. This need to deny their nuanced gender identities in order to approximate masculine strength is a far cry from the ability to celebrate femininity in all its different forms. Brienne and Arya are strong and independent, but theyre hardly liberated.

WhileGame of Thronespresents its viewers with a spectrum of three-dimensional female characters (which is a godsend in and of itself), none of these characters offer us a truly triumphant feminist narrative. Meanwhile, the plotlines surrounding Jon Snow and Tyrion Lannister intimate that bastardom and dwarfism, while difficult conditions, can often be surmounted. The implied assertion that gender cannot be entirely escaped is simply realism, both in Martins medieval world and our own. However, the constantbelittlement and abuse of these female characters, and the un-silenceable voice in the background of every episode ofGame of Thrones, the one that whispers of woman's ultimate futility, her interminable imprisonment, the pettiness of her feminine agency if she is granted any at all? That might be overkill.

MADNESS OF THRONES:GAME OF THRONESCHARACTERS VS. HISTORICAL FIGURES

Steven AttewellApril 2, 2014

http://www.esquire.com/blogs/culture/madness-of-thrones-round-1A word up front about how this works: Thirty-two contestants have been grouped into four conferences Kings, Queens, Hands, and Knights. Major characters inGame of Throneswill first pair off against their historical counterparts and then we'll pair off the winners to get our Conference and then Tourney champions; in the case of characters who resemble a composite of historical figures, we'll treat it as a tag-team match. Not very fair, but then again, fair play doesn't get you very far in Westeros. Each round, we'll pair these characters off, and preview the matches with a description of each contestant's strengths and weaknesses.

KINGS CONFERENCE

The Battle of the Teenage Tyrants: Joffrey "Baratheon" vs. Team Caligula and Edward of LancasterIn a race for worst of the worst, it's hard to pick between Joffrey and his historical counterparts. In terms of cruelties and deaths inflicted on others, he certainly outpaces Edward of Lancaster, the son of Queen Margaret D'Anjou who led the Lancastrian cause throughout the Wars of the Roses and either Henry VI or the Duke of Somerset depending on whom you asked. Edward notably enjoyed attacking his companions with weapons and ordering captives executed, and died poorly on the field at the Battle of Tewksbury, executed in a grove by the Duke of Clarence as he pled for his life.

Joffrey got the chance to rule, and promptly devolved into murderous tyranny, as fans of the books and the show remember. But all of this pales in comparison to the madness of Caligula, who murdered and married his relatives (sometimes the same person), financed his regime with mass executions and confiscations, and had his horse made a consul.

It's a close match. One can only hope it ends with mutual destruction.

The Clash of the Curmudgeons: Stannis Baratheon vs. Oliver CromwellNeither much-loved nor much lovable, Stannis Baratheon and Oliver Cromwell were plainspoken, plain-featured, and plain-dressed men of iron will and determination (although both prone to periods of depression) who made their reputations on the battlefield yet felt compelled to make their way into politics, and whose unwavering sense of mission derived itself from a providential belief that a higher power had chosen them as their agent in this world.

Stannis Baratheon at the moment remains defiant on Dragonstone, planning his next campaign after the battle of the blackwater. A reluctant convert to the faith of the Lord of Light, Stannis now believes himself to be the chosen champion of R'hllor in the great war against the darkness.

Oliver Cromwell showed no such reluctance after a dark night of the soul early in his life, Oliver Cromwell believed himself to chosen by a providential God. And indeed, he could point to a virtually unbroken series of battlefield victories in which his disciplined cavalry, led by men of low birth and religious conviction, defeated anyone who took up arms against him. Famously, his lack of vanity led him to insist his official portraits be painted "with warts and all."

Another tight match, and one that raises the question: Is unbroken success that results in a government that falls apart after one's death better than a man who learns from his one defeat intent on never having another?

Glory and Glamour: Renly Baratheon vs. Edward II and Richard the LionheartSometimes, style is substance. Renly Baratheon may have been the youngest of three Baratheon brothers, and his victories may have been confined to the jousting tourney and Small Council debates, but he looked the spitting image of a king. However,as I've argued, Renly had more of a knack for campaigning than governance, and insufficient protection from shadow assassins.

Renly's opponents and his historical sources show the strengths and weaknesses of this kind of approach. Both Edward II and Richard I were men who enjoyed "extravagance and frivolity," spending gold like water. Both men were considered personally impressive and used their appearance to enhance their charisma. And both men loved men: Edward II fell deeply in love with the knight Piers Gaveston, while Richard I shared a bed with King Phillip of France.

But their reputations differ wildly, depending on their military success. Richard I may not have spent much time with his wife Isabella, but his subjects cared more that he was also a master of siegecraft who won many victories in France before he departed for the Third Crusade, where he won a series of famous victories against long odds. By contrast, Edward II lost virtually every battle he ever fought, was forced to abdictate by his own wife and her lover Roger Mortimer, and was then murdered.

The question for Renly is whether his political gamesmanship can capitalize on Edward II's weakness, or whether Richard's superior military reputation will make up for the lopsidedness of his tag-team.

The Battle of Prodigies: Robb Stark vs. Edward IV of YorkThere are many similarities between Robb Stark, the King in the North, and Edward of York, King of England. Both men inherited their position at a young age upon the violent death and beheading of their father, and both men claimed the crown on the grounds of ancient right. Both men fought in civil wars, and never touched their swords in battle but to see victory on the field. Both men married unwisely and suffered betrayal at the hands of their sworn vassals.

But where they differ is that Edward IV was more gifted in politics and luckier in his betrayals. As King, Edward successfully restored law and order to a countryside wracked with banditry, doubled royal revenues, and was a bit of a Littlefinger, successfully speculating in the wool trade and negotiating favorable trade treaties with the Lowlands.

At the same time, his marriage to Elizabeth Woodville permanently alienated the powerful Richard Neville, Duke of Warwick and "Kingmaker," who rebelled against his old friend. Unlike Roose Bolton and Walder Frey, Warwick and Clarence had to deal with the English Parliament, which wouldn't tolerate them murdering a King in cold blood. Thus, they were eventually forced to release him, at which point Edward managed a comeback and defeated Warwick at Barnet Heath and the Lancastrians at Tewksbury.

After that, Edward went on a bit of a Robert Baratheon-style bender, over-indulging on wine, food, and loose women, until his premature death at age 41. This leaves us with the question: Is it better to live fast, die young, and leave a beautiful corpse, or end up as medieval England's answer to the old Elvis?

QUEENS CONFERENCE

The Red Queens: Cersei Lannister vs. Margaret d'AnjouCersei Lannister's historical analogue, Queen Margaret d'Anjou of the House of Lancaster, shared many of the strengths and weaknesses of Westeros' Queen Regent. Both women were fearless champions of their family's cause: Cersei committed adultery, treason, and murder, and overthrew Eddard Stark's regency to put (and keep) her son on the Iron Throne; Margaret d'Anjou led the Lancastrian cause, through a dizzying series of victories and defeat that saw her flee into exile and return no less than three times. Lannister or Lancaster, the Red Queens never give up.

Likewise, both women fought to overcome gendered attack on their right to power Cersei had her arranged marriage to Robert Baratheon, Stannis Baratheon's public accusations of incest and adultery, and then her father forcing a second marriage on her; Margaret repeatedly faced accusations from the Duke of York and the Earl of Warwick that her son, Edward of Lancaster, was a bastard that she had conceived with the help of her ally the Duke of Somerset.

Where the two differ is in their political styles: Cersei has the might and wealth of House Lannister behind her, and has always relied on her brother Jaime, her father Tywin, her cousin Lancel, or her family's guardsmen to exercise power but the flip-side of that is that Cersei disdains political alliances and tries to horde power in Lannister hands. By contrast, Margaret D'Anjou was the daughter of an impoverished French royal, and thus had to cultivate a strong following by handing out royal goodies to a number of powerful families. While these alliances helped Margaret build and rebuild army after army to carry her banner forward, some were more loyal than others and she suffered repeated defections.

So the question is: Is it better to rely only on blood, or will isolation and envy undermine your position?

The Roses: Margaery Tyrell vs. Anne BoleynOne of the more important details that never made it from the book to the show was that, before King Robert's death, his brother Renly and his lover Loras Tyrell were engaged in a plot to make Margaery Tyrell the king's mistress and then replace Cersei Lannister as his queen. This, together with their common beauty and keen political wit, form the foundation of the parallel between Margaery Tyrell and Anne Boleyn, who likewise pursued a married king who had been a peerless jouster and athlete before running to fat due to overindulgence in middle age, who was also an alleged virgin who had to overcome an inconvenient previous arrangement, and who engaged in a long political conflict with an older woman from a powerful noble family.

Unlike her historical twin, Margaery has more political assets to her command Anne Boleyn was only a knight's daughter (although linked to the Dukes of Norfolk), with few political allies among the noble families of England, who quickly turned on her when she lost the king's favor. Margaery is a Tyrell of Highgarden, with an army 100,000 strong and, just as powerful, control over the South's major source of foodstuffs.

Honestly, I think this is one of the closest matches out there but we do know that whoever makes it to the next round, Natalie Dormer wins.

The Brides of the Horselords: Daenerys Targaryen vs. HonoriaIt's hard to find a historical parallel to the last scion of a royal family of dragon-riders who gives birth to three dragons of her very own. But there is one figure who comes close: Justa Grata Honoria. Honoria was the older sister of the Western Roman Emperor Valentinian III. An ambitious and strong-willed woman, who was named Augusta (latin for Empress), Honoria rebelled against a safe and boring marriage that her brother arranged to keep her from attempting to seize his throne, and sent a letter to Attila the Hun, promising her hand in marriage and half of Gaul if he would help overthrow her brother. Attila jumped at the offer and invaded Gaul, then Italy when Valentinian blocked the marriage, practically burning the country to the ground.

Like Daenerys, Honoria lost her horselord beloved in an unexpected and untimely matter where Drogo died to an infection of a minor injury (or poison), Attila the Hun got pass-out drunk at a feast, suffered a massive nosebleed, and choked to death on his own blood.

Unfortunately for Honoria, she's drawn a very lopsided first round match: Atilla the Hun and half of Gaul are no match for three fast-growing dragons. I wouldn't bet much on this round.

The Voices of God: Melisandre of Asshai vs. Grigori RasputinSelyse might be Stannis' wife by law, but everyone (even Selyse) knows that Stannis' true queen is the Red Priestess of R'hllor, Melisandre of Asshai. Her historical counterpart is the infamous and legendary mystic Grigori Rasputiin. Both figures combined charismatic personalities and sexual magnetism with magical powers, which they parlayed into political influence, in both cases initially through the monarch's wife.

Moreover, both figures were highly resistant to assassination Melisandre is clearly immune to poison, while Rasputin survived being gutted by the follower of a rival mystic on July 1914, and then in 1916 was poisoned, shot four times, then attempted to strangle his attacker, then was shot again, clubbed, stabbed, and thrown into the river through a hole in the ice, although sources differ on whether he was dead when he hit the river or drowned as well. It is unknown how well Melisandre would hold up to bullets or physical assault.

So this matchup begs the question: Could Rasputin's faith healing cure the lethal stab wounds of Melisandre's shadow-baby assassin?

HANDS CONFERENCE

The Lords of the North: Eddard Stark Lord of the North vs. Richard Plantagenet, Duke of YorkI'vewritten beforeabout the similarities between our protagonist from season one ofGame of Thronesand Richard, Duke of York, the first leader of the Yorkist cause during the Wars of the Roses and father to King Edward IV and Richard III. Both men were career soldiers and powerful northern lords who went in to politics to combat corruption in the royal bureaucracy, clashed intensely with a powerful and willful Queen who exercised political influence through her husband, and who both sought to throw the Crown Prince off the throne, claiming that they were in fact bastards foisted on the king.

If they differ, it's that Richard, Duke of York, was marginally better at politics. His alliance with Richard Neville, the Earl of Warwick, gave him a political constituency strong enough to make himself Regent and Lord Protector of England, and the resources to go to war against the Queen of England when he was forced out of office and declared a traitor. He was beloved by the common people but viewed with fear, suspicion, and envy by many of the leading noblemen in England. When Richard attempted to seize the crown of England arguing that he had a better right to the throne, he was denied by Parliament who merely declared him Henry VI's successor. On the other hand, Eddard is clearly the better soldier while Richard was a career soldier, he lost more than a few battles, and ultimately was baited into a disastrous attack at Wakefield that led to his death. By contrast, Eddard Stark never lost a battle.

So this is another close match if the two men met on the field, I'd give Eddard Stark the edge; if they met in the council chamber, Richard Plantagenet has an advantage.

The Kingmakers: Tywin Lannister vs. Richard Neville, Earl of WarwickTywin Lannister is Hand of the King, Warden of the West, and Lord Paramount of the Westerlands, the richest man in Westeros, and both a skilled, if unscrupulous, battlefield commander and a cunning politician. His historical counterpart, Richard Neville, was the richest man in England, the head of a powerful political dynasty, a career although not undefeated soldier, and an able politician.

Just as Tywin Lannister helped make Robert Baratheon king by assassinating the members of House Targaryen in King's Landing, after King Aerys alienated him over a refused marriage, Richard Neville turned on Edward IV of York when Edward married a French princess and then refused to marry his brothers to the Kingmaker's daughters, rebelled against him and captured him, unsuccessfully attempted to have Edward IV disinherited as a bastard in favor of George of Clarence, and then allied himself to Margaret d'Anjou, marrying his daughter Anne to Prince Edward of Lancaster.

Where the two men diverge is in their methodology: Richard Neville was the master of propaganda and public relations, and beloved by the merchants of London. By contrast, Tywin ignored "soft" power in favor of using violent death to cow his enemies, giving rise to the legends of the Rains of Castamere and the Red Wedding.

This match comes down to the question: Is it better to be loved or feared?

The Pirates: Davos Seaworth vs. Captain Henry MorganDavos Seaworth, the Onion Knight, Lord of the Rainwood, Admiral of the Narrow Sea, and Hand of the King, was born merely Davos of Flea Bottom. A former smuggler who saved Storm's End and Stannis Baratheon with a timely shipment of food, he was given a knighthood and severed fingers in reward. Now, Davos is Stannis's Hand of the King and his conscience.

His historical counterpart and rum spokesman, Captain Henry Morgan, started as a naval officer under Oliver Cromwell in the Caribbean. Liking what he saw in the Caribbean, Henry Morgan parlayed his naval experience into raids on Spanish settlements in Mexico, Honduras, Grenada, and Colombia, got himself appointed a privateer admiral of a fleet of eleven ships, which he took on a whirlwind tour of the Caribbean, seizing entire islands as pirate havens, ransacking more than a quarter-million pieces of eight, destroying a Spanish fleet at Lake Maracaibo in Venezuela, and sacking Panama City itself, after which he was formally arrested for piracy by the English, put on trial, acquitted, and made Lieutenant Governor of Jamaica.

While both men have a storied naval career, Davos is clearly more of a defensive player and Captain Morgan more of an aggressive player. The deciding factor in this evenly-matched contest is whether loyalty and luck can outlast dramatic flair and a nose for gold.

The Maligned: Tyrion Lannister vs. Team Richard III and ClaudiusTyrion Lannister is something of a mashup of two different political figures, Richard III of York, the Duke of Gloucester and King of England, and the Emperor Claudius (ofI, Claudiusfame): All three figures were born with disabilities that caused people to look down on them or were used against them by enemy propagandists, yet who turned out to be talented administrators.

As differences go, while both Tyrion and Claudius were skilled administrators, Claudius himself never set foot on the battlefield, whereas Tyrion has fought and won in two major battles, the Battle of the Green Fork and the Battle of the Blackwater. So clearly he has a military edge over that member of the tag-team. However, Richard III has the edge there in his short life, Richard fought with distinction at the Battles of Barnet, Tewksbury, Berwick-on-Tweed, and came within ahair's breadthof killing Henry Tudor (later Henry VII) at the Battle of Bosworth Field. At the same time, while Richard was a skilled enough politician to take the throne from his nephews, eliminate the Woodvilles, the Baron Hastings, and the Duke of Buckingham, he failed to neutralize the French who supported Henry Tudor, and was betrayed by both the Stanleys and the Percys at Barnet Heath. Tyrion is a more able politician, who's managed so far to survive all of his betrayals although it has to be noted that Claudius, while poisoned by his wife, did manage to survive through the reigns of three emperors as a member of a family so murderous and incestuous that they make the Lannisters seem like the Huxtables.

I'd call this one an even match Richard's military experience counterbalances Claudius' total amateur status, and Claudius lends political nous to the tag-team, whereas Tyrion is more of a complete package.

KNIGHTS CONFERENCE

Sh*t for Honor: Ser Jaime Lannister vs. Cesare BorgiaSometimes brilliance cannot overcome a bad reputation. Both Ser Jaime and Duke Cesare were military men of distinction, born into a family of great political power, who were sent into a lofty though celibate office that caused quarrels with their mighty patriarch.

Likewise, both men became infamous for betrayals Jaime as a kingslayer and oathbreaker, and Cesare as a master betrayer who was alleged to have murdered his brother, slept with his other brother's wife, and the list goes on and on. Finally, both men were accused of incest with their sisters Jaime as we know, and Cesare on account of his violent actions toward most of his sister's husbands and by the fact that the "Infantus Romanus" Giovanni Borgia at various times declared to be the bastard son of either Cesare or Rodrigo was widely alleged to be Lucrezia's child.

Where the two differ most is in their capacity for growth while Cesare lived and died a condottieri, Jaime Lannister was profoundly affected by his maiming and imprisonment at Harrenhal. Whether this newfound commitment to the ideals of knighthood will allow him to avoid the fate of Cesare has yet to be seen.

The Maiden(s) Fair: Brienne of Tarth vs. Joan of ArcTwo warrior women whose very existence was a stark challenge to the hegemonic patriarchal attitudes of their time, who have never been defeated in battle, and who pledged themselves to an insurgent king's service only to find themselves disappointed, Brienne and Joan of Arc seem made for one another. Contrary to later iconography which feminized her appearance, in her own lifetime Joan was described as short, muscular, rather plain, and wore men's clothing a key charge against her at her trial.

Their backgrounds do differ in important ways Brienne is the only child of a lord, even if the Sapphire Isle is known more for its waters than for its riches, whereas Joan was born of peasant stock (part of the reason why she ultimately found few friends within the French court after her usefulness was exhausted) but they share a common idealism at the very heart of their characters, even if Brienne's is more founded in the chivalric tradition and Joan's in religion (indeed, the only religious miracle Brienne has ever encountered came to her as a profoundly traumatizing and terrorizing force).

In judging between the two of them, we have to make difficult judgments about matters mundane and supernatural Brienne lacked the divine power to shield her king from harm, but Joan never had to deal with shadow-baby assassins. What we can say is that, while Brienne has yet to reconquer any nations, unlike Joan of Arc she was able to outlive her king.

The King's Favorite: Ser Loras Tyrell vs. Piers GavestonSer Loras Tyrell is one of Westeros' best lances (if not its best swordsman), was once the lover of King Renly Baratheon, the commander of his Kingsguard, and the leader of his armies. His historical counterpart is an interesting figure, little known outside medieval historians, queer historians, and fans of Christopher Marlowe: a knight of Gascony who was chosen by the King of England to be a part of Prince Edward (the future King Edward II)'s household and train him in arms, leading to the two falling violently and indiscreetly in love.

Gaveston was seen as the very image of a knight, "graceful and agile in body, sharp-witted, refined in manner, [and] sufficiently well versed in military matters." Prince Edward doted on him to excess, to the point where he asked his father to have the prince's own County of Ponthieu given to the knight. When his father died, Edward II up-jumped his companion to the Earldom of Cornwall, scandalizing the nobility of England. The hits kept coming: Gaveston was made Regent of England then was married to a wealthy heiress. This combined with the fact that Edward openly ignored his queen on her wedding day in order to hang out with Gaveston led to repeated demands by the English nobility that he be exiled. Unfortunately, Edward just couldn't quit Piers Edward made Piers Lieutenant of Scotland just as Robert the Bruce was routing the English out of Scotland and raiding into northern England. Finally, the barons rose up against their king, captured Gaveston, condemned him to death before a kangaroo court, whereupon he was run through and beheaded.

Unfortunately for poor Piers, he's drawn a somewhat lopsided match Ser Loras not only managed to survive his king (although the emotional vs. political assessment here might not match up), but was also the son of one of the Lords Paramount of Westeros, with an army 100,000 strong to back up his son, as opposed to being an upstart roundly despised by his "betters." Moreover, unlike Gaveston, who eked out a middling military career (did well in Ireland, failed miserably in Scotland), Ser Loras has tasted historic triumph at the Blackwater.

The Exemplary: Ser Barristan Selmy vs. the Chevalier de BayardSer Barristan is probably the most famous knight alive in Westeros a tourney jouster from the age of 10, Ser Barristan slew the last of the Blackfyre Pretenders during the War of the Ninepenny Kings, saved King Aerys from captivity during a local rebellion, helped to crush the notorious outlaws the Kingswood Brotherhood, survived no less than three wounds at the Battle of the Trident, and served during Greyjoy's Rebellion before being dismissed from service.

Simply put, Barristan Selmy is the ultimate Westerosi badass. Who could even make a match for him?

None other than the Chevalier de Bayard, known to history as the "chevalier sans peur et sans reproche" (the Knight Without Fear and Beyond Reproach). Pierre Terrail, as he was named, served with no less than three Kings of France: at the Battle of Garigliano, he single-handedly held a bridge against 200 Spanish knights, allowing the French army to retreat safely and making himself a Europe-wide celebrity. His specialty was improbably victorious cavalry charges up mountains or against expert Swiss pikemen, and once single-handledly saving France from the Holy Roman Empire. All that and a romance with Lucrezia Borgia.

Needless to say, this would be a battle for the ages.

ROUND 1 RESULTS

This round saw no less than 16 fiercely competitive matches, as Westerosi faced off against historical figures for the right to represent themselves. And after consultation with a shadowy panel of judges, the results are as follows...

Kings Conference:

The Battle of the Teenage Tyrants, Winner = Team Caligula and Edward of LancasterProving once again that Joffrey is truly worthless, the King on the Iron Throne went down whining and sniveling, unable to keep up with Edward of Lancaster's in-your-face physicality or Caligula's epic insanity.

The Clash of Curmudgeons, Winner = Stannis BaratheonWhile Oliver Cromwell dominated this match-up early on, ultimately Stannis won out due to a combination of extreme determination and his ability to adapt and grow over time.

Glory and Glamour, Winner = Team Edward II and Richard the LionheartWhile Edward II proved to be a complete liability, Richard's superior military experience (especially when dealing with unruly brothers) overwhelmed the amateur Renly.

The Battle of the Prodigies, Winner = Edward IV of YorkA close match that went back and forth, ultimately Edward IV's luck and superior political acumen allowed him to eke out a victory against the King in the North.

Queens Conference:The Red Queens, Winner = Margaret d'AnjouWhile both sides boast large armies and an impressive force of will, Margaret d'Anjou showed an impressive gift for creating political alliances that Cersei just couldn't compete with.

The Roses, Winner = Margaery TyrellWhile Anne Boleyn has the experience of a veteran, Margaery's family connections gave her a degree of political protection the knight's daughter never had, and that makes all the difference.

The Brides of the Horselords, Winner = Daenerys TargaryenA total blowout. DRACARYS beats Attila every time.

The Voices of God, Winner = Melisandre of AsshaiWhile Rasputin showed an impressive ability to absorb physical punishment, that's not enough to deal with shadow-baby assassins.

Hands Conference:The Lords of the North, Winner = Richard PlantagenetWhile Eddard Stark has the better military career, Richard of York managed to defeat Margaret d'Anjou three times (in part due to his superior political acumen), which is three times more than Ned ever did.The Kingmakers, Winner = Tywin LannisterWhile both men had wealth, political power, and a solid (but not perfect) military career, ultimately Tywin's ruthless streak would put him ahead of Warwick, who was never willing to pull the trigger if that meant being hated.

The Pirates, Winner: Davos SeaworthHenry Morgan might have become governor of Jamaica, but he never did anything with it and died a penniless debtor. By contrast, Davos is Hand of the King and deciding policy for Stannis Baratheon.

The Maligned,Winner: Tyrion LannisterA better military man than Claudius and a better political survivor than Richard, Tyrion squeaks through into round two.

Knights Conference:Sh*t for Honor, Winner = Ser Jaime LannisterAnother case in which the capacity for personal growth and commitment to some actual ideals trumps a limited cunning, with the Kingslayer standing on his own two feet where Cesare lived and died in his father's shadow.

The Maiden(s) Fair, Winner = Brienne of TarthWhile Brienne can't claim to have God on her side, she was luckier by far in her choice of king. Also, I'm pretty sure Joan of Arc never fought a bear with a blunt sword and lived.

The King's Favorite, Winner = Ser Loras TyrellThis one was a bit of a no-contest; Piers Gaveston might be a keen jouster, but he was an utter failure on the battlefield. By contrast, Ser Loras was victorious at the Blackwater, and has the might of House Tyrell at his back.

The Exemplary, Winner = Ser Barristan SelmyThe closest match in the round, this one comes down to longevity. Barristan the Bold is still going strong at age 63, while the Chevalier de Bayard died at the young age of 51.