friends - 9.06 - the one with the male nanny (en)

7/27/2019 Friends - 9.06 - The One With the Male Nanny (en)

1/8

{1}{250}Ripped with SubRip 1.17 and Verified by CdinT|[email protected]{251}{330}I deliver perfection...|and don't brag about it! :D{332}{401}Hello.{438}{475}Hello.{481}{516}I love my new job!{522}{583}- Honey, you're screaming.|- You bet your ass I am!{589}{634}I just had the best first day ever!{640}{694}The kitchen?|Twice as big as Allessandro's.{700}{743}Oh, that's great.{749}{858}And clean? Not just health|department-clean, Monica-clean!{864}{892}Awesome.{898}{954}Oh, and the people are so nice.{960}{1012}There's this one guy, Jeffrey,|he's the matre d'.{1018}{1063}Chandler, you will love him!{1069}{1201}He is without a doubt|the funniest guy I have ever met!{1218}{1303}The One With The Male Nanny{2433}{2534}- This is nice.|- I know.{2715}{2780}- You need both hands for that?|- Yeah, I kind of do.{2786}{2871}Well, how's this?{3177}{3255}Look at you two holding hands.{3261}{3342}Is this getting serious?{3354}{3438}Have you not talked about it yet?{3446}{3528}Am I making you uncomfortable?{3542}{3628}If you were bigger you'd hit me.

{3713}{3737}I'm sorry.{3743}{3840}It's obviously way too early|for us to be having that conversation.{3846}{3916}- Is it?|- Maybe not. Is it?{3922}{3945}When I got divorced...{3951}{4024}...I didn't think I'd feel this way about|someone for a really longtime.{4030}{4096}Then again, I didn't think I'd meet|someone like you. And...{4102}{4236}This may be crazy-soon,|but I want you to have this.{4237}{4318}No, not... That's gum.{4339}{4413}Oh, five bucks!|I love it when that happens, you know?{4419}{4472}- You don't know it's there...|- I know. Keep digging.{4478}{4541}Sorry.{4614}{4637}It's a key.

{4643}{4747}To be honest, I think I'd prefer|the five dollars.{4753}{4831}- It's to my apartment.|- Wow!{4837}{4872}Big step for Phoebe and Mike.{4878}{4958}I don't want you to feel like you|have to give me your key...{4964}{5061}- No, I want to.|- Thank God.{5084}{5169}Wow. I was starting to think|I'd never meet someone that...{5175}{5235}...I wanted to do this with.{5241}{5316}Here you go.{5319}{5376}- This is cool.|- It really is.{5382}{5550}I know it. It is amazing.|These little things open doors!{5611}{5659}So I don't go back to work|for another four weeks...{5665}{5710}...but we would like our nanny|to start right away...{5716}{5761}...so that Emma could get|a chance to know her.

{5767}{5812}I think that's really smart.{5818}{5873}The easier we can make the|transition for her the better.{5879}{5902}That's great. Great.{5908}{5963}- So do you have any questions for us?|- Not really.{5969}{6023}All right. Well, thank you|so much for coming.{6029}{6089}- Thank you.|- It was really nice to meet you.{6095}{6153}- We will call you.|- Oh, you know, wait.{6159}{6198}I do have one question.{6204}{6311}Do you guys do random drug testing?{6330}{6393}Boy, we hadn't really thought of that.


2/8

{6399}{6497}That's cool. But if you do,|I'm gonna need three days' notice.{6503}{6569}Okey-dokey!{6574}{6609}We're never gonna find a nanny.{6615}{6698}Come on, Rach. We will. I promise.|We have more interviews.{6704}{6806}Worse comes to worst, we can always|reconsider the first one we metwith.{6812}{6934}- What, the blond with no bra?|- She was blond?{6960}{6988}Just a sec.{6994}{7050}Okay, this one's name is Sandy.{7056}{7155}She's got a degree in|Early Childhood Education.{7161}{7296}She worked for her last family|for three years.{7314}{7421}Hi. I'm Sandy.{7465}{7562}And she's a little mannish.{7704}{7780}Oh, my God! David!{7780}{7874}- Is this a bad time?|- No, it's a great time! Come in!{7880}{7928}Wow! Hi!{7934}{8018}Oh, my gosh! What are you doing here?|Are you back from Minsk?{8024}{8058}Just for a couple of days.{8064}{8119}I'm here to explain to the people|who gave us our grant...{8125}{8203}...why it's a positive thing that|we've spent all their money...{8209}{8285}...and accomplished nothing.{8291}{8333}Who cares? It got you here.{8339}{8413}It got me to New York.|Then I got in a cab at the airport...{8419}{8457}...and the guy said, "Where to?"

{8463}{8590}I just gave him your address.|I didn't even think about it.{8606}{8674}Where's your luggage?{8686}{8757}Damn it.{8759}{8806}All right, I'll call the cab company.{8812}{8945}We can call them later.|Can you just stand there for a moment?{8968}{8994}Boy.{9000}{9104}There's an old Russian expression|that goes:{9168}{9214}Roughly translated, that means:{9220}{9334}"This thing that I'm looking at: Wow."{9351}{9381}Thank you.{9387}{9492}You should see me when...|Actually, no, I look pretty good.{9498}{9533}Are you kidding?{9539}{9601}You know, when you don't see|someone for a long time...

{9607}{9664}...you build them up in your head,|you start thinking:{9670}{9734}"Come on, don't be crazy,|nobody's that beautiful."{9740}{9836}But, well, you are.{9846}{9955}Well, so are you seeing anyone?{9957}{10022}No.{10028}{10085}I'm just the worst person ever!{10091}{10147}How can I not tell David|that I'm seeing Mike?{10153}{10193}Maybe he didn't give you a chance.{10199}{10302}He said, "Are you seeing someone?"|And I said, "No".{10308}{10379}Well, that would've been your window.{10385}{10465}I mean, I don't know.|I was looking in his eyes...{10471}{10555}...and I was just thinking,|"Oh, my God, it's David. David's here."

{10561}{10622}He's so irresistible.{10628}{10739}- Really? The scientist guy?|- Really? Chandler?{10857}{10924}Continue.{10930}{10953}Then it gets worse...{10959}{11012}...because I told him|I would see him tomorrow night.{11018}{11132}- Phoebe!|- I know! Evil!{11150}{11286}I like Mike so much, you know?|It's just going really well. Oh, myGod!{11292}{11339}Isn't it ironic that David|would show up...{11345}{11441}...on the same day that|you and Mike exchange keys?


3/8

{11469}{11544}Yeah. You know, and given|my lifelong search for irony...{11550}{11635}...you can imagine how happy I am!{11649}{11731}- What are you gonna do?|- I mean, I guess I just have to...{11737}{11821}...tell David that nothing|can happen between us.{11827}{11878}Unless I don't.{11884}{11930}You know, complicated moral situation?{11936}{11999}- No right, no wrong?|- You have to tell David.{12005}{12131}I knew I should've had this conversation|with Joey.{12156}{12217}Funniest guy she's ever met.{12223}{12276}I'm funny, right?{12282}{12336}What do you know? You're a door.{12342}{12444}You just like knock-knock jokes.{12471}{12566}Save it for inside.{12605}{12715}So Oklahoma's a crazy place. You know,|they call it the Sooner State.{12721}{12816}Frankly, I'd sooner be in any other state!{12831}{12888}And what's with Oklahoma|having a panhandle?{12894}{12933}Can all states have stuff like that?{12939}{13019}Hey, yeah, I'm from the waistband|of Wyoming.{13025}{13158}But when I was 7,|we headed over to the crotch.{13159}{13229}Was your cabin pressurized?{13235}{13321}And don't get me started on the way|the people from Tulsa talk.{13327}{13376}Okay.{13382}{13498}What's with the word "y'all"? You know,|just two words just pushed

together?{13504}{13591}Are we all allowed to do that?|Because if so, I say why stop there?{13597}{13674}You know, your new poodle|could be your noodle.{13680}{13754}And fried chicken could be fricken.{13760}{13853}Waiter? Waiter, excuse me,|I'll have the fricken!{13891}{13946}See, that's funny with the fricken, right?{13952}{14043}No, it just reminds me of something|this guy did today at work.{14049}{14102}I told you about that funny guy, Jeffrey,|right?{14108}{14162}Yeah, he came up.{14168}{14269}Well, he did this bit.|You probably had to be there...{14275}{14423}...but it was Liza Minnelli locked|in our freezer eating a raw chicken.

{14505}{14623}- Were you there?|- No, but it sounds fricken funny.{14658}{14752}I really understand how hard it's gotta be|to leave your child with another person.{14758}{14849}I mean, it's like leaving behind|a piece of your heart.{14855}{14969}Sandy, that's exactly what it is.{14975}{15057}Are you gay?{15066}{15115}It's okay. I get that a lot doing what I do.{15121}{15185}But I am straight. I'm engaged, actually.{15191}{15292}- Her name's Delia.|- That's pretty.{15299}{15439}So you're just, like,|a guy who's a nanny.{15455}{15533}I realize how it's a bit unorthodox|for some people.{15539}{15634}But I really believe the most satisfying|thing you can do with your life...

{15640}{15680}...is take care of a child.{15686}{15762}Okay.{15790}{15821}Like at my last job.{15827}{15876}I met Daniel when he was|3 weeks old.{15882}{15967}And I got to watch him grow|into this awesome person.{15973}{16046}When I left, I said, "I'll see you soon."{16052}{16161}And he said to me, "Skadandy?"{16169}{16229}That was his name for me.{16235}{16383}"I'll see you every day right in..."{16488}{16619}- It's okay.|- Yeah, kids say all kinds of crap.


4/8

{16690}{16742}Oh, God, she must need|her diaper changed.{16748}{16897}- I can take care of that, if you want.|- That would be great.{16921}{16995}I love him, I love him, I love him!{17001}{17054}Come on. Rach, he's a guy!{17060}{17108}So what? He's smart. He's qualified.{17114}{17169}Give me one good reason|we shouldn't try him out.{17175}{17260}Because it's weird!{17266}{17292}Why?{17298}{17364}What kind of a job is that for a man?|A nanny?{17370}{17433}I mean, it's like if a woman|wanted to be...{17439}{17506}Yes?{17516}{17596}King?{17605}{17688}I hope you don't mind. I used|some of my homemade lotion on Emma.{17694}{17791}It's a mixture of calendula and|honey cream. It'll dry that rash right up.{17797}{17908}Plus, it keeps the hands young.{18035}{18089}Yes! Sandy, you're hired!{18095}{18176}That's great!{18233}{18257}I'm sorry.{18263}{18348}It's just such an emotional thing|when you're welcomed into a newfamily.{18354}{18418}Oh, God. Come here.{18479}{18563}You gotta be at least bi.{18955}{18993}I need you to set me up for a joke.

{18999}{19078}When Monica's around,|ask me about fire trucks.{19084}{19218}I don't know, Chandler. I'm not|so good with remembering lines.{19240}{19299}Thank God your livelihood|doesn't depend on it.{19305}{19370}I know, right?{19376}{19412}Why are we doing this?{19418}{19498}Monica says that her matre d' is|the funniest guy she's ever met.{19504}{19601}- Seriously? She actually said that?|- Yes. Am I crazy to be thisupset?{19607}{19677}- No! Being funny's your thing!|- Yeah!{19683}{19782}Without that, you just got|"lame with women"!{19788}{19814}Hi! There you are.{19820}{19886}Fire trucks!{20117}{20251}Wow. You look even more beautiful|than you did yesterday.

{20262}{20326}In fact, I'm going to kiss you now.{20332}{20390}- Wait, wait.|- I can't get away with stuff like that.{20396}{20471}It sounded sexy in my head, so I...{20477}{20561}No, no, it's not that.{20564}{20653}Remember when you asked me if|I was seeing someone and I said no?{20659}{20768}Well, I am. His name's Mike.{20822}{20908}- I should've told you.|- No.{20914}{20972}Well, yeah.{20978}{21120}- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.|- Well, it's okay. I understand.{21126}{21171}Well, are you happy with this guy?{21177}{21235}- I am happy.|- Damn it.{21241}{21309}I'm sorry. I don't mean that.|I want you to be happy.{21315}{21392}But only with me. No, that's not fair.|Who cares. Leave him.

{21398}{21479}I don't mean that. Yes, I do.|I'm sorry.{21485}{21589}I think I should probably go.{21595}{21686}But, David, I just want you to know that,|you know...{21692}{21818}...telling you this is one of the|hardest things I've ever had todo.{21824}{21868}Well, just so you know...{21874}{21985}...hearing it wasn't exactly|a Vladnik carnival, either.{21999}{22141}- Can we at least hug goodbye?|- Of course. Yeah.{22281}{22368}You know, and a kiss on the cheek|wouldn't be totally inappropriate.


5/8

{22374}{22477}- No. No.|- I mean...{22514}{22544}- In Minsk?|- Yeah?{22550}{22611}It's two on each cheek...{22617}{22772}...and one on the lips.|- Well, if that's what they do in Minsk.{22869}{22961}In New York, it's...{23134}{23207}Oh, boy.{23288}{23316}Is everything all right?{23322}{23368}Oh, yeah. No, it's fine. It's fine.{23374}{23469}Sandy was just telling me about how he|proposed to his fiance...{23475}{23518}...and it was so beautiful.{23524}{23600}Her favorite flower is the camellia.|From the poem...{23606}{23652}I can't hear it again!{23658}{23722}You know, I can't tell it again!{23728}{23812}And I'm fine never having heard it.{23827}{23976}- Rach, can I see you for a sec?|- Yeah. Excuse me.{24014}{24145}Do you realize that man has cried|in our apartment three times?{24151}{24227}I haven't cried that many times|since I moved in!{24233}{24307}Look, Ross, Sandy's just sensitive.|That's all.{24313}{24422}Okay, okay. See, that is the problem.|He is too sensitive.{24428}{24472}Too sensitive to take care of our baby?{24478}{24575}No, I mean, that guy...|These are amazing!{24581}{24630}Sandy made madeleines.{24636}{24747}This is exactly|what I'm talking about.{24750}{24846}What kind of a guy makes delicate|French cookies?

{24852}{24933}They're not even butch,|manly cookies with...{24939}{25061}You know, with chunks!{25099}{25163}Well, you know,|I don't know what to say.{25169}{25261}I mean, I never thought of you as a guy|who needed his men to be men.{25267}{25439}I gotta tell you, Ross, it's not like you|just came in from branding cattle.{25479}{25575}Hey, there's sensitive and|there's too sensitive.{25581}{25682}Okay, what is too sensitive?{26248}{26320}No, I can't. I can't do this. It's bad.{26326}{26428}But it's nice. And nice is good.{26434}{26523}And good is not bad.|Ergo, we should keep kissing.{26529}{26601}- No, no. No.|- But...

{26607}{26676}Ergo.{26682}{26751}Look, David, if you had never left, then...{26757}{26821}...yeah, we'd probably still be together|right now.{26827}{27018}But you did leave. And I'm with Mike|and I really care about him.{27089}{27161}Goodbye.{27317}{27397}The key works.{27399}{27531}And, you, thanks for the face massage!|Thank you!{27551}{27634}Did Rachel tell you we hired|a male nanny?{27640}{27674}I think that's great!{27680}{27847}Did she tell you he plays the recorder,|recites poetry and bakes madeleines?{27873}{28026}- How are they?|- Lighter than air, but that's not the point.{28049}{28120}Rachel and I hired a male nanny.

{28126}{28159}Really?{28165}{28213}Guys do that?{28219}{28281}- That's weird.|- Thank you!{28287}{28334}- That's like a woman wanting to be...|- What?{28340}{28462}- What's the end of that sentence?|- Yes. What is the end of thatsentence?{28504}{28584}A penis model!{28685}{28750}Anyway, did you tell Chandler|that some guy from work...{28756}{28802}...is the funniest guy you ever met?{28808}{28893}- Yeah. So?|- Wow!


6/8

{28899}{28992}Really? Do you not know Chandler?{28996}{29108}Is that why he's acting so weird?|He's jealous?{29114}{29140}Oh, my God, that is crazy.{29146}{29202}- It's not like I'm attracted to Jeffrey.|- So what?{29208}{29361}Being funny is Chandler's thing.|Like Ross' thing is...{29438}{29488}Science?{29494}{29612}Academia? Being a good father?{29677}{29764}- I can't believe he's that upset.|- You have to do some damage control.{29770}{29838}Because he's feeling like...{29876}{29943}What are you guys talking about?{29949}{30042}Rachel and I hired a male nanny.{30048}{30121}You got a man who's a nanny?{30127}{30194}You got a "manny"?{30390}{30436}You know, I don't mind a male nanny...{30442}{30522}...but I do draw the line|at male wet nurse.{30623}{30688}You are on a roll, mister!{30694}{30801}If I'd known you guys were coming over,|I would've brought more pizza.{30821}{30956}Okay! Okay! Stop it, you!|You stop it!{30977}{31033}What is so funny about that?{31039}{31117}I don't know, it's...|Just the way you say it.{31123}{31254}I mean, you're funny. You have|that funny thing. You're a funny guy!

{31300}{31402}Did you tell her what we talked about?{31584}{31686}So those were pity laughs?|Pity laughs?!{31692}{31751}Honey, listen.{31757}{31804}You have nothing to worry about|with Jeffrey.{31810}{31864}Oh, yeah? Is he funnier than me?{31870}{31928}Well, you're different funny.{31934}{31988}I mean, you're more sarcastic.{31994}{32083}Well, he does bits and impressions|and limericks.{32089}{32124}I do limericks.{32130}{32279}There once was a man named Chandler|whose wife made him die inside.{32285}{32348}Honey, you know I think you're hilarious.{32354}{32398}You know that joke|you told me last week?

{32404}{32475}The one about Jerry Lewis|and the girl with the lazy eye.{32481}{32520}That slayed me.{32526}{32661}Hey! I made up that joke|and told it to you.{32714}{32855}- Not knowing when to shut up.|- Yep, that's my thing.{32945}{33045}So how many guys have your key?{33051}{33100}It's not as bad as it looks.{33106}{33154}I was saying goodbye to an old friend.{33160}{33224}Your lipstick's on his mouth.{33230}{33327}We just happen to wear the same shade.{33333}{33411}No, David and I did used to go out.{33417}{33546}But years ago. And he lives in Minsk.|He's only in town for a couple days.{33552}{33590}- Did you...?|- No. No.

{33596}{33672}- Kiss him?|- Oh, well, yeah.{33675}{33748}Yes, but you should know,|she really likes you.{33754}{33836}In fact, I don't think you realize|just how lucky you are, fella.{33842}{33896}- Don't point your finger at me!|- Why?{33902}{33943}What are you gonna do about it?{33949}{34012}Well, I'll show you|what I'm gonna do about it.{34018}{34114}- Oh, really? Really?|- You want some of that?{34171}{34282}Stop it! Stop it!|Before someone gets really hurt!{34311}{34368}Here, David, you should just go.{34374}{34429}All right.


7/8

{34435}{34551}But if I ever do come back from Minsk,|well, you just better watchout.{34557}{34629}- If I go to Minsk, you better watch out.|- Oh, you're going to Minsk?{34635}{34701}- Well, I might.|- Really?{34707}{34790}Well, if you do, come in the spring.|It's just lovely there.{34796}{34880}Okay, well, guys?{34886}{34924}- Goodbye, Phoebe.|- Bye.{34930}{35051}- Hey, what, are you kidding me?|- Right-o. Right-o.{35104}{35186}Take good care of her.{35218}{35268}I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.{35274}{35390}If you want your key back,|I totally understand.{35392}{35502}- It's never gonna happen again, right?|- Right. Never. I swear.{35557}{35653}I just want to say, if you do ever|come to Minsk, that's my number.{35659}{35778}We'll party up Vladnik-style.{36124}{36165}Yeah! All right!{36171}{36280}Hey, Ross! Check it out!|Sandy taught me "Hot Cross Buns"!{36286}{36350}Really? Sounded like "Three Blind Mice".{36356}{36458}- "Three Blind Mice" goes like this.|- I swear to God.{36512}{36598}- Who's up for puppets?|- Me! I'm up for puppets!{36604}{36670}Well, please welcome:{36676}{36721}The Snufflebumps!{36727}{36813}Who wants to be Mr. Wigglemunch and|who's gonna be the Grumpus?

{36819}{36947}How exactly is a 2-month-old|supposed to appreciate puppets?{36953}{37050}Studies show that the movement and|colors help their cerebral development.{37056}{37177}The whimsical characters are just for us.{37239}{37330}I want to be Mr. Wigglemunch!{37336}{37366}Oh, my God.{37372}{37473}Well, I guess we know who's|gonna be the Grumpus!{37570}{37630}- That was kind of rude.|- Oh, I'm sorry.{37636}{37741}Please apologize to Sandy|and the Snufflebumps for me.{37747}{37815}- You know, he was just doing his job.|- You know what?{37821}{38006}I'm sorry I'm the only one who isn't|in love with Gary Poppins outthere.{38029}{38094}But I just... I can't go through with this.

{38100}{38135}- Come on.|- No! You know what?{38141}{38296}I would never force you to hire someone|you were this uncomfortable with.{38346}{38391}That's true.{38397}{38425}Thank you.{38431}{38523}You want to fire him,|so you have to go do it.{38566}{38731}So you see, Wigglemunch,|that's why it's important to share.{38751}{38866}I am learning so much from you.{38948}{38981}Well, I'm off to Tulsa.{38987}{39063}So if your matre d' friend|has any funny Oklahoma jokes...{39069}{39219}...tell him to e-mail me at|www-dot-ha-ha-not-so-much-dot-com!{39236}{39273}Honey, you can relax.{39279}{39358}Last night at work Jeffrey|told this really sexist joke.

{39364}{39437}- After that, not so funny anymore.|- Really?{39443}{39554}See, that's the thing.|You gotta keep it smart, people!{39560}{39617}Don't miss that flight.|You know I love you.{39623}{39674}I love you too.{39680}{39768}- And I like you as a friend.|- Right.{39774}{39871}- See you later.|- See you.{39873}{39955}- Did the guy really make that joke?|- No, he still kills me.{39961}{40100}Last night he had me laughing so hard,|I swear a little pee came out.{40264}{40291}Here goes.


8/8

{40297}{40412}I can't watch. It's like firing Elmo.{40487}{40519}Sandy? Hi.{40525}{40565}- Hi.|- We...{40571}{40656}We kind of need to talk.{40716}{40807}I'm afraid it's not working out.{40894}{41013}I mean, Rachel and I think you are great|with Emma.{41019}{41112}- We just feel...|- You! You feel!{41118}{41224}I just feel...{41230}{41309}...that the chemistry isn't right.|I'm sorry.{41315}{41382}We're more than happy to give you|a good recommendation.{41388}{41487}No, that's okay. I had a lot of offers|from other families.{41493}{41546}I just picked you guys because...{41552}{41686}...I liked you the best.|- Oh, damn you, Geller!{41728}{41803}Anyway, well I'm glad|there's no hard feelings.{41809}{41920}None at all. You need to be happy|with whoever is in your home.{41926}{42009}Although, if you don't mind telling me...{42015}{42109}...what was the problem? Maybe it's|something I can work on in thefuture.{42115}{42271}No, you know, it's nothing you did.|It's my issue.{42277}{42351}What is it?{42374}{42449}Please?{42499}{42673}You know, I'm just not that comfortable|with a guy who's as sensitive as you.{42679}{42723}That's fair.

{42729}{42825}Although, can I ask,|why do you think that is?{42831}{42911}Why? I don't know.{43060}{43157}Maybe because of my father?{43225}{43314}You know, when I was growing up,|he was a tough guy.{43320}{43457}You know, and as a kid,|I wasn't the athlete I am now.{43463}{43566}I play squash!{43616}{43756}Anyway, I always got the feeling|he thought I was too sensitive.{43762}{43830}That must have been hard.{43831}{43904}It was hard.{43910}{44055}I remember I was in my bedroom,|playing with my dinosaurs...{44061}{44129}Playing and learning.{44157}{44296}And my father walks in and says,|"What are you doing with those things?"

{44302}{44448}"What's wrong with you? Why aren't you|outside playing like a realboy?"{44454}{44566}- But you are a real boy.|- I know I am!{44585}{44735}And when it's summer and it's hot,|why can't you wear a tank top?!{44741}{44916}It's all right. Crying is good.|It lets the boo-hoos out.{44922}{45010}Here comes some more!{45150}{45231}And what's the one kind of boat|that can never ever sink?{45237}{45388}- What kind?|- A friend ship!{45397}{45513}Wow! You blow my mind!{45524}{45571}I gotta go.{45577}{45629}- How much do I owe you?|- Twenty bucks.{45635}{45744}It's like the cheapest college ever!{45791}{45852}Subtitles by|SDI Media Group

friends - 9.06 - the one with the male nanny (en)

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