final proposal (with comments)

8/2/2019 Final Proposal (With Comments)

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Jenna Price

Mrs. Caruso

ENGL 1102

5 April 2012

Final Proposal

Everyone was told the titanic accidently collided with the iceberg, but Rebecca is the

only one who knows that is not true. The Mysterious Sinkingis derived from the actual events of

the Titanic. The novel is about a middle-aged woman, Rebecca, who was on board the titanic

with her husband and three kids. The collision with the iceberg was no accident and Rebeccas

goal is to get the truth out into the world. She is the main character of this suspenseful novel. It

is a heart racing attention getter from the very beginning.

The purpose behind this novel is to provide entertainment as well as become a mystery

for all of its readers. The mysterious sinking will be fiction and nonfiction all at the same time.

It will pursue a fiction story by saying the Titanic purposely hit the iceberg. Almost everyone

knows this is not true when speaking of the actual event. Rebecca goes on a rampage to figure

out exactly why the collision was no accident. In all reality, the Titanic did accidently collide

with the iceberg. Specific events will be included such as the boarding of the ship, the captains

dinner and the mistreatment of lower class people which makes this novel have a nonfiction

touch. The novel will give accurate details of the appearance of the Titanic, how it collided with

the iceberg and this will make it somewhat nonfiction. Readers will understand in depth what

exactly happened on the night of the sinking of this unsinkable ship, the real story.

The movie The Titanic really inspired me to write this novel. The movie catches others

attention right off the back as so will this novel. There are so many different opinions when

Beth Caruso 4/15/12 4:19 PM

Comment [1]: Workongivingtransit

andcombiningsentencestogivethis

paragraphasmootherread.


Comment [2]: Ratherthanincluding

overviewoftheeventsthatwilltakepla

taketimetodrawthemoutfortheread

allowingthereadertounderstandwhy

thoseeventsaretakingplace,howthey

relatetowhatactuallyhappened,andh

theyrelatetothepurposeofthenovel.


Comment [3]: Ratherthanpositionin

thisasyourinspiration,positionthisas

themovieinspiredthebook.


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speaking of the movie The Titanic. As a kid, the movie may seem somewhat scary, but as

adults the movie shows love and compassion. This movie portrays itself as harsh yet romantic

and peaceful. It sets a tender mood that onlookers really seem to enjoy. When the novel first

came to mind, the actual events were undecided. It wasnt until later on that the decision was

made to add a mysterious edge to the novel. Everyone seems to know the story behind the

Titanic. It is known about worldwide. When people think of the titanic, they think of a romance

that involves a famous ship that hit an iceberg. The audience seems to look past the fact of

children and loving families were on board, as well. This novel will introduce the hardships that

one specific lower class family deals with from the time they were on board the ship until their

last few seconds. This novel will set a whole new perspective of the story behind the sinking of

the titanic.

Adults and families will be most interested and affected by this novel. It will be a newer

more suspenseful reading compared to the original story. It is by no means a childrens novel.

The story behind the Titanic will relive forever. It will constantly be a topic of conversation and

that is why this story will grab many peoples attention. It is by no means a childrens novel. It

will be too hard to comprehend for the youngerage.

The characters will consist of a mother, father and their three kids (two girls and a

younger boy) with the mother being the main character. Rebecca is an awesome mother, but she

worries about her family and their future to the extreme. The father, Jamie, is tall and handsome.

Him and Rebecca met as kids and have had an unexplainable love for each other throughout life.

Although Jamie is the most loving husband anyone could ask for, he is not much help for the

Robinson family. He brings in very little income leaving Rebecca to supply for everything. The

little boy, Andrew, is mentioned the most between the three children. He is grounded yet


Comment [4]: Thisparagraphreadsa

reflectionbecauseyouincludeexactlyh

youwereinspiredtothinkoftheconcep

Asyouworktorevise,takeoutreferenc

howyourideaevolvedandtakeoutany

sentencesthatdonotconveycontent.T

secondrevisionwillhelpyouthroughou

yourpapertostreamlineit.


Comment [5]: Yourepeatyourselfin

paragraphanddonttendtogiveconten

whyandhowthesepeoplewillwantto

thisnovel.


Comment [6]:Informal.


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extremely mischievous. Andrew is very sweet and small for the age of four with an innocent

appearance. If it were not for Andrew, Rebecca would not have over heard the conversation

between the Titanic staff and her significant other.

From the time Rebeccas family boards the ship, she notices how they are being

mistreated from the staff of the ship. Rebeccas husband cannot seem to get along with anyone

and this is a side of Jamie that Rebecca has never seen. The family struggles with getting a room

that will accommodate all of them, but they manage to do so. Rebecca knew they would be

treated unfairly, but the crew took it to the extreme. Rebeccas goal is to get her and her poor

family to America to start a new beginning. The first day on board the ship was not too bad, but

things only went down hill from there. Jamie knew more people on board that Rebecca did not

seem to recognize and that frustrated her. She felt left out. The next few days were a struggle

because all Rebecca could think about was preparing to arrive at their new destination.

The climax of the novel strikes when Rebecca goes on a search for her missing son. She

was not too worried because there was only one place he could be and that is on the ship, or so

she hoped. The ship was not too crowded considering the fact that the captains dinner was in

session so she did not see any struggle in finding her son. Rebecca begins to panic and then

realizes exactly where Andrew is. She was right. Standing on the edge of the captains deck

stands little Andrew spying into the captains cabin. Rebecca begins to laugh to herself when

she notices a figure she is very familiar with, her husband Jamie. She had no clue why Jamie

would be in contact with the staff. Right before her eyes, Jamie grabs the wheel of the ship and

gives it an extreme turn in the opposite direction. Suddenly, the ship shook with great strength

and to Rebecca the last hour of her familys life was a blur. Rebecca is the only survivor


Comment [7]: Worktomorecloselya

thehistoricalcomponentswithwhatyo

aresayingabouttheplot.


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between her husband and three kids. She lives to tell the story of what actually happened to the

Titanic and that is where this novel comes into play.

This novel shows how a true story can be transformed into a whole new story with a little

imagination. Everyone wants an unexpected outcome and this is exactly what this novel is. A

lot of time, dedication and thought were put into this novel and the audience will immediately

notice that. This novel will be a bestseller, guaranteed.


Comment [8]: Inaproposal,youllwa

totelltheending.


Comment [9]: Ratherthancomingaw

fromthecontentofyourproposal

completely,talkaboutwhatconcreteid

theaudiencewillenjoy.


Comment [10]: Jenna,

Itisobviousthatyouhavethoughtouty

plotandcharacters,andthatyouare

genuinelyinterestedinthestory.Asyou

looktorevise,Iwouldsuggestthatyou

towhatyoumentionedinyourmemo.Y

stillseemtohaveahardtimetryingto

figureouthowtosaywhatyouhavetointhebestway.WhatIwouldrecomme

foryoutoreadthroughyourpaperand

changeanysentencethatconveysno

content.Ifasentenceorphrasedoesno

contributetothemovementofthepiece

takeitoutandeithermoveon,orreplac

withsomethingmoreconcrete.

Also,makeyourparagraphsworkforyo

Looktoyourpurposestatementsoyou

continuallyrevertbacktoitasyougive

ideas.

Imlookingforwardtoseeingwhatyou

reviseinyourportfolio!

-Ms.C

final proposal (with comments)

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