final portfolio english 1101

The Works of Abbey

Abbey Nicole Anderson Dr. Matthew Horton

English 1101 08 December 2011

English 1101 Final Portfolio Project Title

Table of Contents

Analytical Cover Letter ....................................................................................................................1

Quality Comparison .........................................................................................................................4

Least Successful Article Response ......................................................................................4

Most Successful Article Response .......................................................................................6

“What’s the Difference?” .....................................................................................................8

Revision Samples ...........................................................................................................................10

Least Successful Article Response (with markup) ............................................................10

Least Successful Article Response (final) .........................................................................12

Most Successful Article Response (with markup) .............................................................14

Most Successful Article Response (final) ..........................................................................16

Most Successful Essay (with markup) ...............................................................................18

Most Successful Essay (final) ............................................................................................25

December 9, 2011 Matthew R. Horton, Ph. D. Assistant Professor of English Gainesville State College Oconee Campus 313b Oconee Classroom 1201 Bishop Farms Parkway Watkinsville, GA 30677 Dear Dr. Horton, My name is Abbey Nicole Anderson and I am a freshman at Gainesville State College. When starting college at GSC, I was unsure at what to expect. However, over this semester of taking English 1101 I have learned a lot about myself, and also as a writer. I have gained much more confidence as a student but also as a writer. For my final assignment in English 1101, I have gathered pieces of my writings that I have completed over this semester and molded them into a Final Portfolio. In my portfolio, I’m hoping you will see my growth from an inexperienced high school student, into a seasoned collegiate writer. In this class, I was encouraged to bring out the author’s opinions in articles, and to write about why his/ her opinion is useful. Throughout this course you have challenged me to dig deeper and to reach to my fullest potential. Along with digging deeper and reaching my full potential, you have shed light on how important grammar is and that it shouldn’t be an afterthought. In my portfolio, I hope you will see how I’ve grown from my first assignment, to my last. You expressed throughout this course that improvement is very important and that our next assignment can always improve from our last. I believe that it’s important to read my portfolio to fully understand my growth in this course. Being in your course this semester has been a great blessing. I’ve learned so much from you and you’ve inspired me to relate my personal experiences into my writings. My pieces in my portfolio are far from perfection, but I've used the skills you've taught me and I've improved them to the best of my ability. Once you view my portfolio, I believe you will see my efforts and the hard work that I've put into this course. My least successful article response was "Faustian Economics: Hell Hath No Limits". This article was about how the world is perceived to have no limits and that the world today is all wrapped up in the superficial needs. My first challenge in revising this piece was to find where my mistakes were. My first mistake that I noticed was that my first paragraph went completely off topic. I never made complete since at what I was trying to get across. Another area I lacked was in detail. Along with going off topic, my paragraphs lack extreme detail. I didn't truly complete what the author was trying to get across; therefore I failed at this part of the assignment. I also lacked quotes, I didn't express to the audience what the author was expressing, and consequently I failed in that area as well. And lastly I see that I needed a lot of TLC in regards to grammar. In the second paragraph of my response, I reexamined the cultural significance along with why I believe the audience should take the author's point of view into consideration. I started over and put a deeper meaning into his opinion. My revisions were very helpful to the response and to me. I was able to certainly improve its quality overall and

my understanding of what I did wrong. My most successful article response was “Married, with Infidelities”. Even though this was my most successful response grade wise, I do believe that I improved from my least successful, but there are still changes that needed to be done. I believe I showed a better understanding of the directions and what you were asking for, so just that alone improved my writing and grade. At first glance however, I still saw many grammatical errors, so I fixed those to the best of my ability. I also added more quotes which ultimately helps the audience and myself make since of what the author is trying to get across. Another thing I revised was the use of unnecessary words. I’ve noticed that I tend to add unnecessary words to a sentence to help the piece sound more intelligent or mature. However, I’ve learned from taking this course that sometimes less is more. In the second paragraph, I see the same mistakes that occurred in paragraph one, such as unnecessary use of words, and grammatical errors. However, I do believe that in both paragraphs my content and understanding of the author’s point of view improved. I believe by doing the revision on both my least and most successful article response, I improved as a writer and it matured my ability to catch my mistakes. My most successful article essay was also “Married, with Infidelities”. In this essay I made better since of what Mark Oppenheimer wanted to get across and I proceeded to write about my personal experience with this subject. Little did I know that I was going back to an emotional stage in my life, and that I would relieve the feelings I felt during that draining period in my life. I was inspired to write about the struggles I faced with my best friend Haley when she realized her parents weren’t monogamous. The first revision I made was removing all unwanted and off topic information. I then moved on to my thesis statement. My thesis statement needed to be on topic, clear, and persuasive. My original thesis statement never truly had that effect, so it needed to fit those requirements. And lastly, my grammar and punctuation needed work, so I revised that as well. I improved a lot on this essay, and luckily my essay had a lot of room for it. However, I believe that after my corrections were made, my essay sounded a lot more organized and more on a collegiate level of writing. Throughout this semester I have grown, but I do believe there is much more knowledge I can learn and put towards my writings. I am well aware that my writings still need improvements, but at my current stage in English writing I more likely have overlooked it. From my occurrences this semester, I hope to stay focused on the true matter and not veer off to unnecessary territory. I also hope to increase my level of writing and I plan to do that in English 1102 next semester. In both article responses I noticed a trend; I struggled with using unnecessary information in my responses which mainly was used to fulfill length requirements. Looking back on my graded work, I don’t see that much of consistency. However, my lowest score was on my first response of the semester. So on a positive note, I have improved my writings and was able to receive solid eights and nines out of a possible ten. I do regret not pushing myself harder and not asking questions. I stayed in my comfort zone and never truly challenged myself to improve. I wish I would have thought more outside the box and pushed myself to greater lengths. However, I am very excited and looking forward to using the knowledge I’ve learned in English1101. I’m excited to show my improvements in English 1102 and ultimately become a more experienced and likable writer. Within this short amount of time in 1101, I intend to use what I’ve learned in this course to better me in the community and in

whatever profession I chose to go in. I am very pleased with the decision I made to do the final portfolio. At first it was a little intimidating to use the computer in such an advanced way, but I learned a new skill that I can take with me throughout my academic journey. I believed that not only have my scores improved, but also I believe my writing has taken on a greater meaning to me. At the end of this semester, I am very pleased at my progress that I’ve made, but I do realize I can improve a lot more over time. Even though I can honestly say I gave it my all, I believe my final portfolio grade should be a B. I think I could have put forth more creativity in my execution of my pieces. I have thoroughly enjoyed being a part of this class and learning under you. Thank you for being a part of my growing process in college and reviewing my portfolio. It’s been a blast! Sincerely, Abbey N. Anderson

Least Successful Article Response

A World’s Need for Limits

Berry, Wendell. "Faustian Economics: Hell Hath No Limits." Harper's Magazine. The Harper's

Magazine Foundation, May 2008. Web. 18 August 2011.

Wendell Berry argues that people today have no limits. He sees the world becoming more

and more dependent and concerned with the superficial needs to assure happiness. In a world like

today, it’s hard not to be swept away with all that the world can offer. However, Berry believes

that as a whole, we are becoming wasteful and ultimately causing the world to suffer. He affirms

us that when the world starts to become greedy, that is when we have a limitless economy. He

believes the world sees limitlessness as a godly trait, to ease our conscience. Berry considers the

Industrial Revolution the beginning to the fantasy of limitlessness, due to the arrival of the New

World. Berry also argues that limitless wars and violence is a direct result of the world’s view,

not only on limitlessness possessions, but also to limitless science, technology, and process. All

of which that can ultimately end in war or violence. Berry believes the world today, general only

cares about their own self interest, instead of the well being of others. He uses two examples to

show that when we use community economics over self interest, both ultimately win out, but

when greed becomes an issue, both sides generally lose. Berry trusts that if we make the most of

what we have and not continuously try and force substitutes, we will in time be happier and less

likely to become limitless.

Wendell Berry makes great arguments and brings attention to our world’s problem of

showing restraint and having limits. By having restraints and knowing our limits ultimately helps

us grow, not only as people, but also as a nation. It’s important to fully understand where he is

coming from because ultimately he is right. He stresses the importance for others to understand

that greed and selfishness can be the cause of major problems in the world. Having negative

qualities such as greed is amazingly contagious. So it’s important to have others in mind, so that

in future generations the world will be a better place. Berry wants us to be happy with what we

have and grateful for our blessings. He challenges us to truly live life to the fullest, but also for

the well being of others. Selflessness is a quality that most people don’t have, but strive to

achieve. It takes time and effort to fully grasp the concept. However, Berry shows that by

looking out for the other man, we ultimately win in the end. Berry stresses a lot in this article, but

his main goal is to show that selflessness and restraint shows limits.

Most Successful Article Response

Marriage, with Choices

Oppenheimer, Mark. “Married, with Infidelities.” The New York Times Magazine. The New

York Times Company, 30 June 2011. Web. 9 September 2011.

Mark Oppenheimer argues that monogamy is not always right for all couples and

marriages. Oppenheimer uses America’s leading sex advice columnist, Dan Savage to show how

non-monogamy is used between couples and how in some relationships it’s what they need.

Savage states, “Some people need more than one partner, he writes, just as some people need

flirting, others need to be whipped, others need lovers of both sexes.” For most people that

would constitute as cheating, but for couples who have an “understanding” as Savage says it’s

not looked as cheating in their minds. Savage believes sexual fulfillment matters and families

without it are more likely to break apart or start practicing non-monogamy to fulfill their sexual

needs. Savage uses his famous acronym G.G.G. which he believes lovers should be good, giving,

and game. Savage states, “If they cannot fulfill all of each other’s desires, then it may be

advisable to decide to go outside the bounds of marriage if that is what it takes to make the

marriage work.” Savage believes that we all have sensitive spots in relationships, but he uses the

fear of being alone, as a reason for couples to be easily swayed into a non monogamous

relationship. He also believes honesty is always the best policy, so if one partner wants it, but the

other is saying yes only out of fear of being alone, the relationship will ultimately fail due to the

lack of honesty. Savage believes we all have different views on relationships, so there is no right

or wrong way, but as long as the couples are doing what is right for them, then that’s all that

matters.

Mark Oppenheimer uses Dan Savage to help express the issues married couples face

when it comes to being monogamous or choosing to practice non monogamy. It’s important to

realize that everyone is different and so is the way they view marriage. Savage states, “there’s

not a one size fits all” way when it comes to relationships. It’s important to do what is best for

the couple instead of trying to please the public. Oppenheimer wants us to understand that it’s ok

to be different and be in non monogamous relationships. He’s not saying to cheat, but he is

trying to open the minds of couples. Marriage is seen as a bond that you don’t intentionally try to

break, but you have to do what is right for you and your significant other. Non monogamous

relationships are happening more and more and for the majority, most couples end up staying

together. However, there are some couples that stay monogamous and last forever. Oppenheimer

shows that there are different strokes for different folks, but whether you are fully monogamous

or trying to spice up your relationship with non monogamy, the relationship itself is between

those two people and that is what truly is important.

What’s the Difference?

For my most successful article response, I chose “Married, with Infidelities”. This article

response covers non-monogamous marriages and how this idea is becoming more and more

popular amongst couples. My response on this article received a nine out of a possible ten,

which was very exciting for me. In the first paragraph, I explained Mark Oppenheimer’s opinion

concerning non-monogamous marriages. I also brought in leading sex- advice columnist, Dan

Savage to shed more light on the subject. I also included quotes that helped the author’s point of

view be heard and reviewed by the audience. Oppenheimer focused his writing on showing

couples they all have choices, but to choose what’s right for them as a couple. The second

paragraph, I mainly focused on the cultural significance of Oppenheimer’s opinion. I believe he

uses great points about relationships and shows couples different ways to help save their

marriages. I also included his point of view and what he encourages his readers to think about.

This article definitely gives couples diverse ways and ideas at dealing with relationships, but also

at how it can change their lives. I believe my article response followed the directions a lot better

than my first attempt and that it showed improvement as a whole.

My least successful article response I chose, “Faustian Economics: Hell Hath No Limits”.

In this article, Wendell Berry believes that the world today shows no limits and that we as a

whole are slowly falling into the trap of superficial needs being our only happiness in life. For

this article response, I received a seven out of ten. In the first paragraph, I explained Berry’s

point of view; however, I didn’t include any quotes from the article to help back up his opinion.

I also didn’t focus on one point; I was all over the place with my focus, which wasn’t good when

trying to voice the author’s opinion to the readers. Another difference that I made in this

response was I added unnecessary information, when in the long run wasn’t beneficial to my

response. I didn’t read the directions over very maturely and my grade reflected that. In my

second paragraph, I strived to show the importance of Berry’s point of view. I also incorporated

what I believe the audience would want to know and the challenges they would face when

forming an opinion. Berry challenges his readers to not be swept away or rely on the superficial

parts of the world to assure happiness because that will ultimately push you away from what

truly matters in the world today. My response did not follow the guidelines; therefore, my grade

was appropriate.

After comparing my two pieces, I see that my grades for these assignments are no

consistent. I never did poorly on these assignments; however, I never received a ten. I lacked in

originality and drive to push myself to the next level. I never asked for help, which I believe

ultimately determined, the outcome of my grade. Both responses showed strengths, but it

ultimately showed that my writing still has a long way to go before perfection. I wish I would

have dug deeper and asked questions, but I learned from this course that questions are

encouraged and are necessary. I do believe if I would have swallowed my pride and asked for

help by grades would have rewarded my tough efforts.


A World's Need for Limits




and more dependent and concerned with the superficial needs to assure happiness. In a world like

today, it’s hard not to be swept away with all that the world can offer. However, BerryHowever

Berry believes as a whole, the world is that as a whole, we are becoming wasteful and ultimately

causing the world humanity to suffer. He affirms us that when the world starts becoming to

become greedy, that is when we have a limitless economy. He believes the world sees

limitlessness as a godly trait, as a way to ease our conscience. Berry uses considers the Industrial

Revolution as what sparked the beginning to the fantasy of limitlessness, due to the arrival of the

New World. He Berry also argues that limitless wars and violence is a direct result of the world’s

view, not only on limitlessness possessions, but also on to limitless science, technology, and

process. All of which that can ultimately end in war or violence. Berry believes the world today

is mainly fueled on their , general only cares about their own self interest, instead of the well

being of others. He uses two examples to show that when we use community economics over

self interest, both ultimately win out, but when greed becomes an issue, both sides generally lose.

Berry trusts that if we make the most of what we have and reduce the need of substitutesnot

continuously try and force substitutes, we will in time be happier and less likely to become

limitless.


showing restraint and having limits. By having restraints and knowing our limits it in time

Comment [J1]: I chose to deleted a set a words that are simply unnecessary to this response. I’ve learned it’s important to only use what the directions ask of you and simply adding more words does not make the sentence sound more intelligent. Sometimes less is more and in this case with introducing Wendell Berry’s opinion it’s very true.

Comment [J2]: I changed the wording around to make this sentence sound more organized. I’ve learned it’s important to have a structured and organized sentence or the balance of your paragraph will be off. That is why I chose to reword this sentence, so when the audience reads my work it will sound more mature and polished.

ultimately helps us grow, not only as people, but also as a nation country. It’s important to fully

understand what a limitless economy is and where Berry he is coming from because he

ultimately he is right. He stresses the importance for others to understand that greed and

selfishness can cause many major issues be the cause of major problems in the world. And sadly

hHaving negative qualities such as greed is amazingly contagious. So it’s important to have

others in mind, that way in future generations this world so that in future generations the world

will be a better place. Berry urges us to wants us to be happy with what we have and grateful for

our blessings. He challenges us to truly live life to the fullest, but also for the well being of

others. Selflessness is a quality that most people don’t have, but strive to achieve. It takes time

and effort to fully grasp the concept. However, he Berry shows that by looking out for the other

man, we ultimately win in the end. Berry stresses a lot in this article, but his main goal is to show

that selflessness and restraint shows limits.

Comment [J3]: Here again, I decided to take out what wasn’t important in the response and in doing so I had to rethink about what I wanted to say. Here the H had to be lower case because the original sentence bared no importance. This paragraph is help inform readers why it’s culturally significance and so that’s what I tried to come across in my response.

Comment [J4]: In some cases, the name of the author is not needed. In documents, such as article responses I tend to use the author’s name at the beginning of each paragraph to remind readers who wrote the article, but repeating his or her name is often unnecessary and a waste of typing space.


A World's Need for Limits




dependent and concerned with superficial needs to assure happiness. In a world like today, it’s

hard not to be swept away with all that the world can offer. However Berry believes as a whole,

the world is becoming wasteful and ultimately causing humanity to suffer. He affirms us that

when the world starts becoming greedy, that is when we have a limitless economy. He believes

the world sees limitlessness as a godly trait, as a way to ease our conscience. Berry uses the

Industrial Revolution as what sparked the fantasy of limitlessness, due to the arrival of the New

World. He also argues that limitless wars and violence is a direct result of the world’s view, not

only on limitlessness possessions, but also on limitless science, technology, and process. All of

which can ultimately end in war or violence. Berry believes the world today is mainly fueled on

their self interest, instead of the well being of others. He uses two examples to show that when

we use community economics over self interest, both ultimately win out, but when greed

becomes an issue, both sides generally lose. Berry trusts that if we make the most of what we

have and reduce the need of substitutes, we will in time be happier and less likely to become

limitless.


showing restraint and having limits. By having restraints and knowing our limits it in time

ultimately helps us grow, not only as people, but also as a country. It’s important to fully

understand what a limitless economy is and where Berry is coming from because he ultimately is

right. He stresses the importance for others to understand that greed and selfishness can cause

many major issues in the world. And sadly having negative qualities such as greed is amazingly

contagious. So it’s important to have others in mind, that way in future generations this world

will be a better place. Berry urges us to be happy with what we have and grateful for our

blessings. He challenges us to truly live life to the fullest, but also for the well being of others.

Selflessness is a quality that most people don’t have, but strive to achieve. It takes time and

effort to fully grasp the concept. However, he shows that by looking out for the other man, we

ultimately win in the end. Berry stresses a lot in this article, but his main goal is to show that

selflessness and restraint shows limits.





Mark MarkOppenheimer argues that monogamy is not always right for all couples and

marriages. a marriage between one man and one woman, is not always right for all couples and

marriages. Oppenheimer uses America’s leading sex advice columnist, Dan Savage to show how

non-monogamy can be practiced cis used between couples and how in some relationships it’s

exactly what they need. Savage states, “Some people need more than one partner, he writes, just

as some people need flirting, others need to be whipped, others need lovers of both sexes.” ForIn

the eyes of most, people that would constitute as cheating, but for couples who have an

“understanding” as Savage believes says it’s not looked as cheating in their minds. Savage

believes sexual fulfillment matters and families without it are more likely to break apart or start

practicing non-monogamy to fulfill their sexual needs. Savage uses his famous acronym G.G.G.

which he believes lovers should be good, giving, and game. Savage states, “If they cannot fulfill

all of each other’s desires, then it may be advisable to decide to go outside the bounds of

marriage if that is what it takes to make the marriage work.” Savage thinks believes that we all

have sensitive spots in relationships, but he uses the fear of being alone, as an incentive reason

for couples to be easily be swayed into a non monogamous relationship. He also believes honesty

is always the best policy, so if one partner wants it, but the other is saying yes only out of fear of

being alone, the relationship will ultimately fail due to the lack of honesty. Savage believes we

all have different views on relationships, so there is no right or wrong way, but as long as the

couples are doing what is right for them, then that’s what all that matters.

Comment [J1]: At first I chose to delete the author’s first name in order to add more writing space. However, I later added it back because I believe that it is important to have the author’s full name in the opening sentence. The readers needs to know who wrote the article in his or her name entirety incase of confusion.

Comment [J2]: I chose to use another synonym for the word reason, because it’s important to use more mature wording to draw your audience in. Not saying to talk like Einstein, but it’s important for the readers to not only understand what they are reading, but also to talk to them on an intelligent level. It makes the response sound better and also shows the reader you have confidence in their ability to grasp concepts or understand words.

Mark Oppenheimer uses Dan Savage to help express the issues married couples face

when it comes to being monogamous or choosing to practice non monogamy. It’s important to

realize that everyone is different and so is the way they view marriage is viewed. Savage states,

“there’s not a one size fits all” way when it comes to relationships. It’s important to do what is

best for the couple instead of trying to please the public. Oppenheimer wants us to understand

that it’s ok to be different and that beingbe in a non monogamous relationship doesn’t make you

a bad persons. He’s not saying to cheat on his/ her spouse, but he is trying to open the minds of

couples. Marriage is seen as a bond that you don’t intentionally try to break, but you have to do

what is right for you and your significant other. Non monogamous relationships are happening

more and more and for the majority, most couples end up staying together. However, there are

some couples that stay monogamous and last forever, it truly depends on the couple.

Oppenheimer shows that there are different strokes for different folks, but whether you are fully

monogamous or trying to spice up your relationship with non monogamy, the relationship itself

is between those two people and that is what is truly is important. Comment [J3]: In some cases, it might be better to switch the order of some of the words in a sentence to help the flow. I chose to do that here. I believe it sounds better and has an easier flow to it. I’ve learned it’s important to use the right words to express your thought, but also the order in which you express them is just as important.





Mark Oppenheimer argues that monogamy, a marriage between one man and one woman

is not always right for all couples and marriages. Oppenheimer uses America’s leading sex

advice columnist, Dan Savage to show how non-monogamy can be practiced between couples

and how in some relationships it’s exactly what they need. Savage states, “Some people need

more than one partner, he writes, just as some people need flirting, others need to be whipped,

others need lovers of both sexes.” In the eyes of most, that would constitute as cheating, but for

couples who have an “understanding” as Savage believes it’s not looked as cheating in their

minds. Savage believes sexual fulfillment matters and families without it are more likely to break

apart or start practicing non-monogamy to fulfill their sexual needs. Savage uses his famous

acronym G.G.G. which he believes lovers should be good, giving, and game. Savage states, “If

they cannot fulfill all of each other’s desires, then it may be advisable to decide to go outside the

bounds of marriage if that is what it takes to make the marriage work.” Savage thinks we all have

sensitive spots in relationships, but he uses the fear of being alone, as a incentive for couples to

be easily be swayed into a non monogamous relationship. He also believes honesty is always the

best policy, so if one partner wants it, but the other is saying yes only out of fear of being alone,

the relationship will ultimately fail due to the lack of honesty. Savage believes we all have

different views on relationships, so there is no right or wrong way, but as long as the couples are

doing what is right for them, then that’s what matters.

Oppenheimer uses Dan Savage to help express issues married couples face when it comes

to being monogamous or choosing to practice non monogamy. It’s important to realize that

everyone is different and so is the way marriage is viewed. Savage states, “there’s not a one size

fits all” when it comes to relationships. It’s important to do what is best for the couple instead of

trying to please the public. Oppenheimer wants us to understand that it’s ok to be different and

that being in a non monogamous relationship doesn’t make you a bad person. He’s not saying to

cheat on his/ her spouse, but he is trying to open the minds of couples. Marriage is seen as a bond

that you don’t intentionally try to break, but you have to do what is right for you and your

significant other. Non monogamous relationships are happening more and more and for the

majority, most couples end up staying together. However, there are some couples that stay

monogamous and last forever, it truly depends on the couple. Oppenheimer shows that there are

different strokes for different folks, but whether you are fully monogamous or trying to spice up

your relationship with non monogamy, the relationship itself is between those two people and

that is what is truly important.

Anderson18

Page 18

Abbey Anderson

Professor Horton

English 1101

3 November 2011

Haley’s Battle

In thishis article “Married, with Infidelities,” Mark Oppenheimer shows that not all

marriages are exclusive and that some couples aren’t meant to have a monogamous marriage. try

and think outside the box. In this article Oppenheimer brings in America’s leading sex-advice

columnist, Dan Savage to show that non-monogamy can ultimately strengthen a couple’s

relationship, if practiced correctly. Dan Savage states, “Some people need more than one partner,

he writes, just as some people need flirting, others need to be whipped, others need lovers of both

sexes.” Due to my personal beliefs about marriage, I was amazed at how some couples could

actually agree on having more than one partner to satisfy their needs. I understand couples

having affairs, but according to Savage non-monogamy is quite different, he tries to convey to

couples that it’s not cheating, but rather is an option to help spice up a marriage. From the

household that I grew up in, a marriage is a sign of ultimate commitment that should notn’t be

broken and faithfulness is expected. However, marriages and people are not perfect. Non-

monogamy gives the couple a way to stay together, but also a time to escape. However, nNon-

monogamy can also be very stressful on a marriage and have serious affects on children, so it is

important to keep the children out of the process completely. Very young children, especially

tend to imitate what their parents do, so as that child grows up their desire to be in a serious,

exclusive marriage could seem less important. According to Savage, “for teenagers they will

tend to retaliate with bad behavior or by acting out because they feel alone and hurt.” For

children growing up in this type kind of household, it seems normal for most children to feel a

Comment [J1]: I chose to add the definition of what monogamy means because some readers might have no idea what it means. I’m glad I decided to add the definition because if the reader didn’t know or understand what monogamy means then how can they have an opinion on the matter. I’ve learned to assume the reader has no prior knowledge of what you are talking about.

Anderson19

Page 19

since of betrayal and anger. Due to their feelings most will use that anger, which can ultimately

lead to trouble. When I first read this article I was shocked, due to the fact that because I never

knew that non-monogamy was so common among couples, let alone that that had children. I

knew by just the title that I wanted to do this paper; it’s amazing to me that an article can match a

life experience so closely. My experience with this subject is one that I never thought I would

ever have to actually express.

My best friend Haley was brought up in a home where her parents believed in practicing

non-monogamy. Sadly I was the only person that knew about her situation. Haley had it all; she

was very popular in high school and very athletic. At the beginning of my junior year, I started

to see Haley change from a the beautiful, happy teen to a person who hated life and wanted to

cause trouble. Over the course of a week or two I noticed that she wasn’t around much.

Gymnastics took over most of our lives, so skipping practices wasn’t like Haley. I assumed that

she just wasn’t feeling well and needed a couple of days off; however, before a big meet she quit

the club. I wish that there was something that I could have done to help her, but I truly didn’t

know what I could have done. It was hard especially at sixteen to understand how to be there for

a friend without pushing her away, but I realized sometimes there is nothing that you can do, no

matter how hard you try. Her emotional state progressed throughout the year; as a result she

began to lose herself. She went through three main stages that which were ultimately caused by

her parents and their decision with their marriage. She went through a lot of emotional stress

which caused a multiple of violent acts. She also went through different types of reactions

primarily caused by her emotions. Lastly she goes through a point where she realizes how the

trigger worked in her experience and starts to see she isn’t the same Haley that she once was. As

Comment [J2]: I’ve learned throughout this course that it’s always good to use different wording and to not rely on the same word to get your point across or to finish a sentence. I realized that I use the word “because” a lot so I decided to switch up my wording to add more variety and originality to my sentence.

Anderson20

Page 20

a result of Haley’s parent’s decision on having an open marriage, her emotions are tested and it

becomes apparent how far Haley will go to keep some kind of control over her life.

Haley’s cries for help seem so easy to spot now; however, there were no signs to save her

from herself and tragic downfall. After Haley first realized that her parents were not exclusive,

she began to go downhill. She first turned to alcohol, which helped as an anti-depressant; all she

wanted to do was drink and drink until she felt no more pain. Although the heavy drinking

didn’t start all at once, her pattern of bad behavior should have been a tell sign. After getting

into alcohol, she started hanging out with the wrong crowd; she started learning how to steal

without getting caught. However, one day she wasn’t so lucky; she was caught shoplifting and

was sent to YDC which is a youth development center for young kids who need guidance. After

she was arrested and sent to YDC, I started to become overwhelmed with such guilt and sadness.

I saw my only best friend turn into a girl that I couldn’t recognize. After her release, her deviant

acts continued; she turned to using men to help cope with her pain. In fact, she used the internet

as an outlet to entice older men, a pattern that persisted for months. It wasn’t until a year later

when I found out that Haley became pregnant and had a baby boy. She had moved out of her

parent’s house and was taking care of her son, with the help of the baby’s father. I met up with

her recently and she has definitely changed for the better, and every now and then I would see

the old Haley come out. Haley’s behavior was very unexpected and tragic; however, she used

the consequences as a wakeup call and ultimately started working on herself and taking care of

her son.

Haley’s downfall seemed very sudden and overly dramatic; however, it wasn’t until we

caught up that I knew what truly triggered her reactions. Since high school she was a very

private person, so I never knew too much about her home life. The only detail she told me was

Anderson21

Page 21

that her parents decided to have an open marriage. She seemed fine with it at the beginning, but

as her parents became more open with it, she started to break. I asked her at lunch recently what

was her ultimate push over the deep end? She proceeded to say that she felt as if her family was

being ripped away from her and that they didn’t care about her well-being.ing and feelings. She

was so hurt by their decision to see other people; that she didn’t feel the need to pretend to be a

family anymore. The first time she said it became reality was when she went out to Wal-mart to

run some errands and she saw her dad‘s car parked at a hotel. She never was the same after that

day, but who would be? It’s hard enough thinking about something that awful, but actually

seeing it is probably ten times worse. would tear me apart. Haley always wore her heart on her

sleeve, so one hit in the right spot she would crumble. She used seeing her father as the trigger

to her ultimate downfall. Being a teenager is hard, it’s the awkward stage when wewe are trying

to figure and start figuring out who we are and what is important to us. Haley’s emotions have

always gotten the best of her and this situation showed to be no different; however, I wonder

how in this condition the trigger worked?

Due to her parents choice of practicing non-monogamy, we see Haley’s downfall and her

emotional reactions, but what about how did the trigger work? According to Savage, “teenagers

tend to try and work out their problems individually, instead of involving other people they either

keep it to themselves, or rebel against society.” Haley took both routes. She was very private

about her home life and eventually started rebelling against her parents and other types of

authority. In any case, not just Haley’s, it’s hard to not let something as heartbreaking as that

crush you. I believe that once Haley saw that her parents weren’t joking around, that they were

going to have an open relationship is when everything became so chaotic in her life. Even

though Haley’s reactions seem understandable, there were most likely probably other ways to

Comment [J3]: I chose to delete this part of the sentence because again it had no necessary reason for being here. Readers will get bored if not careful, so I believe by me deleting this part of the sentence it makes it sound more polished and orgainized.

Anderson22

Page 22

help keep her from falling off the deep end. Haley’s parents offered to take her to a psychiatrist

to help her, but she refused. I sometimes wonder if Haley would have gone and talked to

someone would she still be a mother at eighteen. I can’t say that Haley would have been any

differentshe would have been fine; however, at that time Haley didn’t want to listen to anyone

who cared about her, let alone a shrink. Haley was and still is a very strong willed person, and

that is what ultimately hurt and helped her get to the place she is today. Her downfall and

reactions show that she is a person with a huge heart; she just got in over her head and couldn’t

get out. However according to Haley, it changed her life for the better and she wouldn’t change

it for the world. I’m certainly glad to call her my friend and I’m thankful for her comeback.

Haley has been through a lot of struggles; however, she’s taken responsibility for her actions and

has had to grow up super fast, but she seems content with her life and has used her life

experiences to strive to be a better person.

Haley’s struggle to deal with her parent’s decision to have an open marriage ultimately

led to her tragic downfall, emotional reactions, and they way she was affected. My friendship

with Haley is unlike anything I’ve ever had. She’s definitely a friend that marches to the beat of

her own drummer, but that is what ultimately makes her Haley. She has been through a lot, but

that was what eventually made her a stronger person. Even today, I still don’t understand why

Haley took the route that she did to get closure, but she had to go through it herself. After

meeting with her recently she still has some issues with her parents and their decision to have a

non-monogamous marriage. However, I hope that one day she will have no hatred towards them.

I still think that I could have done something to help her stay in gymnastics or stay in school, but

everything happens for a reason and maybe her parent’s open marriage was a way to show her

that. People still ask me today about Haley and how she’s doing, which is comforting because

Comment [J4]: In many cases in my writings I tend to babble. And that is another important area that I need to work on in future writings. So, I chose to delete this sentence and add one that had more substance and focus instead of just rambling words. Now it makes more since and the readers can have a better understanding at what I’m trying to get across.

Anderson23

Page 23

she is still cared for by others. All I can say when people ask me is that everything happens for a

reason and leave it at that. Haley has become a strong woman and mother that I admire today. I

hope that we will always stay friends and no matter what happens she will always have a special

place in my heart. Haley is a great example of someone who faced adversity and overcame it. It

might not have been the most traditionally way, but it was Haley’s way.

Anderson24

Page 24

Works Cited



Anderson25

Page 25

Abbey Anderson

Professor Horton

English 1101

3 November 2011

Haley’s Battle

In this article “Married, with Infidelities,” Mark Oppenheimer shows that not all

marriages are exclusive and that some couples aren’t meant to have a monogamous marriage. In

this article Oppenheimer brings in America’s leading sex-advice columnist, Dan Savage to show

that non-monogamy can ultimately strengthen a couple’s relationship, if practiced correctly. Dan

Savage states, “Some people need more than one partner, he writes, just as some people need

flirting, others need to be whipped, others need lovers of both sexes.” Due to my personal

beliefs about marriage, I was amazed at how some couples could actually agree on having more

than one partner to satisfy their needs. I understand couples having affairs, but according to

Savage non-monogamy is quite different, he tries to convey to couples that it’s not cheating, but

rather is an option to help spice up a marriage. From the household that I grew up in, a marriage

is a sign of ultimate commitment that should not be broken and faithfulness is expected.

However, marriages and people are not perfect. Non-monogamy gives the couple a way to stay

together, but also a time to escape. However, non-monogamy can also be very stressful on a

marriage and have serious affects on children, so it is important to keep the children out of the

process completely. Very young children, especially tend to imitate what their parents do, so as

that child grows up their desire to be in a serious, exclusive marriage could seem less important.

According to Savage, “for teenagers they will tend to retaliate with bad behavior or by acting out

because they feel alone and hurt.” For children growing up in this type of household, it seems

normal for most children to feel a since of betrayal and anger. Due to their feelings most will use

Anderson26

Page 26

that anger, which can ultimately lead to trouble. When I first read this article I was shocked, due

to the fact that I never knew that non-monogamy was so common among couples, let alone that

had children. I knew by just the title that I wanted to do this paper; it’s amazing to me that an

article can match a life experience so closely. My experience with this subject is one that I never

thought I would ever have to express.

My best friend Haley was brought up in a home where her parents believed in practicing

non-monogamy. Sadly I was the only person that knew about her situation. Haley had it all; she

was very popular in high school and very athletic. At the beginning of my junior year, I started

to see Haley change from a beautiful, happy teen to a person who hated life and wanted to cause

trouble. Over the course of a week or two I noticed that she wasn’t around much. Gymnastics

took over most of our lives, so skipping practices wasn’t like Haley. I assumed that she just

wasn’t feeling well and needed a couple of days off; however, before a big meet she quit the

club. I wish there was something that I could have done to help her, but I truly didn’t know what

I could have done. It was hard especially at sixteen to understand how to be there for a friend

without pushing her away, but I realized sometimes there is nothing that you can do, no matter

how hard you try. Her emotional state progressed throughout the year; as a result she began to

lose herself. She went through three main stages that were ultimately caused by her parents and

their decision with their marriage. She went through a lot of emotional stress which caused a

multiple of violent acts. She also went through different types of reactions primarily caused by

her emotions. Lastly she goes through a point where she realizes how the trigger worked in her

experience and starts to see she isn’t the same Haley she once was. As a result of Haley’s

parent’s decision on having an open marriage, her emotions are tested and it becomes apparent

how far Haley will go to keep some kind of control over her life.

Anderson27

Page 27

Haley’s cries for help seem so easy to spot now; however, there were no signs to save her

from herself and tragic downfall. After Haley first realized that her parents were not exclusive,

she began to go downhill. She first turned to alcohol, which helped as an anti-depressant; all she

wanted to do was drink and drink until she felt no more pain. Although the heavy drinking

didn’t start all at once, her pattern of bad behavior should have been a tell sign. After getting

into alcohol, she started hanging out with the wrong crowd; she started learning how to steal

without getting caught. However, one day she wasn’t so lucky; she was caught shoplifting and

was sent to YDC which is a youth development center for young kids who need guidance. After

she was arrested and sent to YDC, I started to become overwhelmed with such guilt and sadness.

I saw my only best friend turn into a girl that I couldn’t recognize. After her release, her deviant

acts continued; she turned to using men to help cope with her pain. In fact, she used the internet

as an outlet to entice older men, a pattern that persisted for months. It wasn’t until a year later

when I found out that Haley became pregnant and had a baby boy. She had moved out of her

parent’s house and was taking care of her son, with the help of the baby’s father. I met up with

her recently and she has definitely changed for the better, and every now and then I would see

the old Haley come out. Haley’s behavior was very unexpected and tragic; however, she used

the consequences as a wakeup call and ultimately started working on herself and taking care of

her son.

Haley’s downfall seemed very sudden and overly dramatic; however, it wasn’t until we

caught up that I knew what truly triggered her reactions. Since high school she was a very

private person, so I never knew too much about her home life. The only detail she told me was

that her parents decided to have an open marriage. She seemed fine with it at the beginning, but

as her parents became more open with it, she started to break. I asked her at lunch recently what

Anderson28

Page 28

was her ultimate push over the deep end? She proceeded to say that she felt as if her family was

being ripped away from her and that they didn’t care about her well-being. She was so hurt by

their decision to see other people; that she didn’t feel the need to pretend to be a family anymore.

The first time she said it became reality was when she went out to Wal-mart to run some errands

and she saw her dad‘s car parked at a hotel. She never was the same after that day, but who

would be? It’s hard enough thinking about something that awful, but actually seeing it would

tear me apart. Haley always wore her heart on her sleeve, so one hit in the right spot she would

crumble. She used seeing her father as the trigger to her ultimate downfall. Being a teenager is

hard, it’s the awkward stage when we are trying to figure out who we are and what is important

to us. Haley’s emotions have always gotten the best of her and this situation showed to be no

different; however, I wonder how in this condition the trigger worked?

Due to her parents choice of practicing non-monogamy, we see Haley’s downfall and her

emotional reactions, but what about how did the trigger work? According to Savage, “teenagers

tend to try and work out their problems individually, instead of involving other people they either

keep it to themselves, or rebel against society.” Haley took both routes. She was very private

about her home life and eventually started rebelling against her parents and other types of

authority. In any case, not just Haley’s, it’s hard to not let something as heartbreaking as that

crush you. I believe that once Haley saw that her parents weren’t joking around, is when

everything became so chaotic in her life. Even though Haley’s reactions seem understandable,

there were most likely other ways to help keep her from falling off the deep end. Haley’s parents

offered to take her to a psychiatrist to help her, but she refused. I sometimes wonder if Haley

would have gone and talked to someone would she still be a mother at eighteen. I can’t say that

Haley would have been any different; however, at that time Haley didn’t want to listen to anyone

Anderson29

Page 29

who cared about her, let alone a shrink. Haley was and still is a very strong willed person, and

that is what ultimately hurt and helped her get to the place she is today. Her downfall and

reactions show that she is a person with a huge heart; she just got in over her head and couldn’t

get out. However according to Haley, it changed her life for the better and she wouldn’t change

it for the world. I’m certainly glad to call her my friend and I’m thankful for her comeback.

Haley has been through a lot of struggles; however, she’s taken responsibility for her actions and

seems content with her life and has used her life experiences to strive to be a better person.

Haley’s struggle to deal with her parent’s decision to have an open marriage ultimately

led to her tragic downfall, emotional reactions, and the way she was affected. My friendship

with Haley is unlike anything I’ve ever had. She’s definitely a friend that marches to the beat of

her own drummer, but that is what ultimately makes her Haley. She has been through a lot, but

that was what eventually made her a stronger person. Even today, I still don’t understand why

Haley took the route that she did to get closure, but she had to go through it herself. After

meeting with her recently she still has some issues with her parents and their decision to have a

non-monogamous marriage. However, I hope that one day she will have no hatred towards them.

I still think that I could have done something to help her stay in gymnastics or stay in school, but

everything happens for a reason and maybe her parent’s open marriage was a way to show her

that. People still ask me today about Haley and how she’s doing, which is comforting because

she is still cared for by others. All I can say when people ask me is that everything happens for a

reason and leave it at that. Haley has become a strong woman and mother that I admire today. I

hope that we will always stay friends and no matter what happens she will always have a special

place in my heart. Haley is a great example of someone who faced adversity and overcame it. It

might not have been the most traditionally way, but it was Haley’s way.

Anderson30

Page 30

Works Cited



final portfolio english 1101

Documents

successful essay final

final assignment

matthew horton english

important grammar

seasoned collegiate

fullest potential

b oconee classroom

authors opinions