A bit about me!

Clarissa RaywardDirector Brisbane Family Law Centre

Accredited Family Law SpecialistMediator & Collaborative Family Lawyer

Also known as “The Happy Family Lawyer”www.thehappyfamilylawyer.com

And joining me!Peter Jordan

Psychologist & Mediator

Registered Family Dispute Resolution Provider

Qualifications in Special Education, School Counselling and PsychologyFormer Teacher, Specializes in providing Clinical Counselling, Developmental Advice, Forensic Reports and Mediation to Families and the Legal Sector

How will this work?• Please ask questions

• This is general information and remember you should obtain advice specific to your family

What are we going to cover?

1. What is a Family Report?

2. When are they used?

3. Why are they used?

4. How can you prepare?

5. What happens on the day?

6. What do you tell the kids?

7. You have the report- now what?

8. What if you don’t like the recommendations?

9. Some tips and tricks and a few misnomers.

What is a Family Report?

Ultimately a document (report) that is produced to obtain information about your family to assist in the determination of legal issues affecting your children

When are they used?

Generally these reports are Ordered as part of the Court process, however they are becoming more commonly used as part of settlement negotiations or mediation

Why are they used?

- Independent

- Enable the views/ wishes of children to be considered

- Look at the dynamics of a family

- Enable the parties to be ‘seen’ and ‘heard’

- Report writers have considerable expertise in families

- A further source of evidence for the Court

How can you prepare?

Be clear about the legal issues that are in dispute as at the end of the day this is what the report writer will be commenting on

Summarise your main points- write them down and take it with you. These might be your main concerns or even ‘positive’ or ‘good’ things that have occurred that you might want to share with the report writer.

How can you prepare?

Don’t-• Bring suitcase of materials• Bring a long list of things that you think the report

writer needs to know and read• Bring photographs/ videos or others bits and pieces• Get defensive- particularly if you are challenged• Bring a cheer squad (but do bring a support person to

assist with caring for the kids when you are being interviewed)

Do-• Know what it is that your spouse is after- and be ready

to talk about why you say that is not the best thing for you children

• Just bring yourself. Be positive, open, listen and be ready to talk about your family and particularly your future.

• Be reflective- acknowledge where you may have ‘messed up’ or done things you are not proud of- it is ok to make mistakes- the key is to show that you have learned

How can you prepare?

• Pack lunch, toys and general things to keep the kids amused as it could be a long day

• Plan in advance- so you know where you going and don’t be late

• Be prepared to see your former spouse at the interviews or make arrangements prior if there are safety concerns

• Check in advance who you should bring- will usually be everyone living in your home but can include other family, new partners, other children

What do you tell the kids?

Very little!!

“We are going to see somebody who is going to help us make some decisions about the future. He/she wants to get to know you, so he/she can help us.”

There are some Family Court booklets for older children that can assist but it is best if the children know as little as possible about ‘why’ they are speaking to a professional.

It will not be as ‘strange’ as it seems to you- the kids will probably just see it as ‘just another day’ if you don’t make too much of a fuss.

Do let your kids know who else will be there and let them know they will have a chance to play with/ see the other parent and you separately and will speak with the report writer independent of you.

What about safety issues-where children don’t want to or are anxious about seeing the other parent or a person?

Let children know they will be safe. No one will force them to do anything.

Don’t tell the kids-

• Just to be honest!

• To ‘tell the truth’!

• To make sure you tell him/ her how you feel….

Avoid telling the kids to ‘tell’ anything. Keep your discussions with them about the process to a minimum.

Do tell the report writer what explanation you have given to your kids.

Children should not know about your legal process.

I am worried about the kids being ‘coached’

Let the report writer know your concern and why you have it

Report writers look carefully for signs of coaching-

• Using adult language to describe situations or others

• Inconsistency (Behavior) & consistency (comments)

“I always ask kids what their parents say” (Peter)

What happens on the day?

Each parent and each child will be interviewed separately

The report writer will see you interacting with your child/ren

Usually the report writer will have read the documents provided to them before seeing you- but some won’t

You will feel-

• Like you did not get ‘enough time’ to tell your story

• Out of place- it is not a ‘natural’ environment to ‘play’ but that is ok

• Nervous

• On edge

Don’t worry- this is normal, the report writer will consider all of this when they are meeting with you and writing their report

What will I be asked?

What are your current personal circumstances?

What are your concerns?

How do they relate to your proposal for your kids?

Questions that explore your ability to facilitate and encourage your child’s relationship with the other parent.

Questions about your availability to your child.

Questions about other people in the children’s lives.

Your response to any serious allegations.

What ideas you have to overcome any difficulties that have arisen.

Questions about your proposal- the practicalities, how it will work, why you say it right for your kids.

Questions about your understanding and attunement to your kids needs.

Questions about the family dynamics- how you manage conflict and communication,

Your strengths and limitations as a parent.

Your personal and relationship history.

What might my kids be asked?

Depending on their age, they may or may not be asked questions.

The report writer may explore, using different methods, their likes, dislikes, their emotional state, where they are in their developmental status, their relationships with others- including parents and extended family- the security of their attachments, their awareness of conflict, their position in your dispute.

What weight will be given to what the kids say?

It all depends…

Age

Development

Insight

Understanding

Context

And remember- the report writer doesn’t make the decision

You have the report now what?

• Read it quietly, carefully and a few times

• You will find all the bad bits first!

• Don’t just read the ‘recommendations’

• Try and take it for what it is and consider what you might need to ‘change’

• Do meet with your lawyer to discuss ‘where to from here’

• Use it where possible as a settlement tool

What if you don’t like the recommendations?

At the end of the day a report is only 1 piece of evidence a Court will consider. Lawyers will try and destabilize reports by disproving the ‘facts’ upon which they were based. This is not easy.

A few tips and tricks?

– Speak positively- you can express disappointment and frustration but there is no need to ‘prove’ the other person is a ‘bad’ person or ‘terrible’ parent

– Be punctual, respectful and engage honestly in the process

– Don’t feel the need to regurgitate your ‘affidavit’- try and listen to the questions and any the questions you are being asked- this may or may not include material in your affidavit

– Remember the information you are giving is NOT confidential

Any Questions?

Tuesday 17 November 2014

THANK YOU!