EXPOSITORY WRITING – ESSAY STRUCTURE AND TERMINOLOGY

A THESIS STATEMENT is a statement (usually a single sentence) that expresses the central message that you seek to

prove in an essay. The thesis statement must be directly linked to the prompt.

• The thesis should contain two parts –

(1) Identification of the purpose of the essay (i.e. What point are you trying to prove?)

(2) An outline of the points you will seek to prove in each paragraph (i.e. your reasoning for your position)

• NEVER use “I think,” “I believe,” “I will prove,” or any “I” statement within your thesis.

A TOPIC SENTENCE expresses the main idea of a body paragraph (tells what the paragraph is about). All other

sentences in a paragraph provide details to support the topic sentence.

• Everything in the paragraph should tie back to and prove the topic sentence, and the topic sentence should tie

back to and help prove the thesis statement.

• Think of the topic sentence as the “mini-thesis” of the paragraph!

A CONCRETE DETAIL is a specific example (piece of evidence) to support your topic sentence.

• Concrete details can take the form of:

o Personal anecdotes

o References to historical events or people

o Examples from the news

o Events from the plots of books or movies

• The concrete detail must

o be related to the topic sentence/thesis.

o be specific and concrete (not overly general or hypothetical)

o be used to prove the topic sentence/thesis.

COMMENTARY/ANALYSIS is your interpretation of the concrete detail (evidence) as it relates to your topic

sentence/thesis statement.

• This is where you prove that your concrete detail proves your topic sentence, which proves your thesis. You see

that there’s a whole lot of proving going on, yes?

• This is your explanation of the concrete detail and how it relates to your central purpose.

• Commentary consists of two parts:

o Part I: Explains how in the example you provided, the anecdote illustrates the point you are trying to

make. This part is focused specifically on the events described in your concrete detail.

o Part II: Explains what lesson or message is meant to be derived from the events described in the concrete

detail. This part is focused on drawing a general conclusion. (This is also sometimes called a concluding

sentence.)

A CONCLUSION is your time to restate the purpose and objective of the paper and what you want your reader to learn.

ACTIVITY: ANALYZING ESSAY STRUCTURE

Instructions: Color code and label the thesis (T), topic sentences (TS), concrete details (CD), commentary (CM), and conclusion

(C).

Prompt: Write an essay explaining the effect of one technology on people’s lives.

STUDENT RESPONSE

Air conditioning is a technological advancement that affects people’s lives by allowing them to live in warmer

climates and keeping people healthy.

Air conditioning allows people to move to and live in hotter areas of the world with the same quality of life as

any other part of the world. When air conditioning was first invented, most of the American population lived in the

northeastern part of the country since the South was very hot in the summer. However, when air conditioning became

more popular, many people moved south, but still had the same luxury of cool air in their homes. With the influx of

people, businesses expanded and local economies grew, turning many cities in the South into the economic

powerhouses they are today. Air conditioning greatly influenced migration to the South and West because its comforts

opened land and opportunities in climates far warmer than where people had been previously living.

People are also able to maintain and improve their health if they are sick when in an air conditioned

environment. The most vulnerable populations, like infants or the elderly, are particularly susceptible to temperature

fluctuations. On the news recently, they interviewed a woman in Houston whose power had gone out in the middle of

a summer day. She was holding a baby that she said was very sick and needed to be in a cool place. Air conditioning

makes it easier to be healthy by providing a cool stable temperature. The baby on the news could get worse or take

longer to return to health without the cool environment air conditioning provides. Technological advancements like

air conditioning provide many health benefits because they protect people from the dangers of extreme temperatures.

Air conditioning has made modern life better by allowing expansion into warmer world regions and

improving overall health by providing constant temperatures in regions of extreme heat.

STAAR EXPOSITORY RUBRIC – SIMPLIFIED VERSION

1 2 3 4

Org

anizatio

n/P

rog

ression

• organization not

suitable for an

expository paper

• unclear

• thesis missing,

unclear, or illogical

• includes irrelevant

information

• lacks focus and

logical progression of

ideas

• abrupt shifts in

thought

• overly wordy or

repetitive

• no transitions

• difficult to follow

• organizational

strategies used but

not always effective

• unclear at times

• weak / unclear thesis

• includes irrelevant

information

• lacks focus and

logical progression of

ideas at times

• overly wordy or

repetitive at times

• weak transitions

• organizational

strategies are mostly

effective

• clearly structured

• clear thesis

• minor lapses in focus

• logical progression of

ideas

• meaningful

transitions

• organizational

strategies are effective

• skillfully structured

• clear thesis

• all ideas relate to

thesis

• logical / well-

controlled

progression of ideas

• meaningful

transitions

Dev

elop

men

t of Id

eas

• hypothetical or no

examples

• vague examples

• examples that do not

support the thesis

• wrote on the wrong

topic / misinterpreted

the prompt

• wrote in the wrong

genre (i.e.: narrative

instead of expository)

• hypothetical

examples

• vague examples

• examples that do not

support the thesis

• overly formulaic

• elements of the paper

reflect the wrong

genre (i.e.: narrative

instead of expository)

• sufficient examples

support the thesis

and add substance to

the essay

• original / not

formulaic

• paper reflects

understanding of

expository genre

• effective examples

support the thesis

and add substance to

the essay

• unique and

interesting examples

• thoughtful and

engaging

• paper reflects an

advanced

understanding of

expository genre

Use o

f Lan

gu

age/C

on

ven

tion

s

• incorrect / imprecise

choice of words

• simplistic word

choice

• too conversational /

not formal

• hard to understand

• many simple /

awkward /

uncontrolled

sentences

• no understanding of

sentence boundaries,

spelling,

capitalization,

punctuation,

grammar, and usage

conventions

• imprecise choice of

words

• simplistic word

choice

• too conversational /

not formal enough

• hard to understand at

times

• some awkward /

uncontrolled

sentences

• partial understanding

of sentence

boundaries, spelling,

capitalization,

punctuation,

grammar, and usage

conventions

• choice of words

mostly clear and

specific

• formal / academic

tone

• easy to understand

• varied and controlled

sentences

• decent understanding

of sentence

boundaries, spelling,

capitalization,

punctuation,

grammar, and usage

conventions

• choice of words

purposeful, clear, and

specific

• formal / academic

tone

• very easy to

understand at all

times

• purposeful, varied,

and well controlled

sentences

• clear understanding

of sentence

boundaries, spelling,

capitalization,

punctuation,

grammar, and usage

conventions

Using this rubric, read and score the essays in the class handout and mark their scores below: Scores: A _______ B _______ C _______ D _______ E _______ F _______

ACTIVITY : EXPOSITORY ESSAY SCORING

Prompt: Write an essay explaining whether failure can strengthen a person.

ESSAY A

Failure can indeed bring about strength in a person by allowing one to gain power to keep fighting on and demonstrate

that one must work hard to bring about the desired result. A few months ago my undefeated competitive cheer squad and I were

headed to a large regional competition; up until this competition, my team was undefeated. But sadly, we lost that title by getting 4 th

place out of 11 teams. The following week during practice I saw a change in the way my team worked during practice; my team was

back again, and fighting with a strength I had not seen before. By losing that competition, my team got slapped across the face with

reality resulting in the drive to keep working. Without that I believe my team would have gotten lazy and not worked hard the rest

of the year. As a result of us working hard, we won our national competition and received leather jackets. Over-all, the failure of

that one competition pushed us to keep on going and doing our best.

Another way strength become apparent in myself was when I failed my first test in high school. High school, in my

opinion, is more difficult than middle school. The hardest class so far is Pre-AP Biology. At about unit two into the semester, while

sitting quietly at my desk, I receive the test I had just recently taken. Above my name, and a tad to the right, was my horrible grade.

I had gotten a 63! I was in distress worrying how angry my mother would be and feeling terrible myself on how bad I did. But

because of that 63, the next test, I studied for three days making sure I got a good grade. And on the next test I received a 92.

Because of how disappointed and upset I was on failing my test, I learned that I need to work harder and keep trying. I do not

believe that I would be where I’m at today If I had not gotten that grade. That one 63 lit a fire inside of me that never wanted to feel

the distraught feeling of failing again. Today I average between an 87-95 on my test grades and have not yet failed another test.

Winning a cheer competition and being awarded jackets, and getting good grades in biology, while they seem totally

different, they still share a common ancestor. That ancestor is Failure. Failure, in these cases, unleashed the true power that was

inside me and my team, allowing both to excel in what each was doing. Over all, while some say failure is a bad thing, when you

look at the results afterwards, one may find failure pushes some to work harder and accomplish more.

ESSAY B

Failure is going to happen, and should always make you stronger. Failure can very much make you stronger but it can just

as easily tear you down. Some people don’t take it as easily as others and will give up because of it. That shouldn’t happen, you

need to understand that failing happens but you should learn from failure. Failing should make you want to try again just to get it

right. It should motivate you to work 10 times harder.

When Nelson Mandela said “The greatest glory of living lies not in never failing, but in rising every time you fall.” He is

stating how much greater it is to achieve from fail than to give up. When you fail a test or a grade that should motivate you to study

harder and retake it than to sit there, give up, and take the grade. When an athlete doesnt make a team they should want to practice,

get better and prove people wrong. That they can do it. Giving up from a fail will get you nowhere in life.

Being so afraid to fail that you don’t even try isn’t a way to live. Because then you’ll be living with those failures and the

regrets of not trying at all.

ESSAY C

Motivation is the outcome of failure in my eyes. When you fail at something, that should be your cue to motivate to try

again till you get it. My motto has always been, “If your not first your last.” Once again, nobody is perfect.

“Every expert was once a beginner,” says Babe Ruth. Babe Ruth didn’t get baseball right off the back he practiced

sometimes failed but failure motivated him to be one of the greatest baseball players to step on a baseball field.

The Apollo missions took until the 8 mission to make it. A failure after another but motivation kept them going. Seven

times and they kept going that’s determination on another level. The scientists behind the missions were not going to stop. “Success

was the only option, failure’s not,” says Eminem.

Lance Armstrong won several Tour de France. Then he was diagnosed with several cancers. Everyone thought failure was

coming through, but he came back to win several more Tour de France.

Not everybody can be Babe Ruth or be in a Apollo mission or be Lance Armstrong. These legends are not perfect they

failed at one time in the careers and definitely throughout there lifes. Let motivation over power failure, it can take you a long way.

ESSAY D

Although failure is heart-breaking, mistakes can teach valuable lessons or failure can challenge a person to expand in new

ways.

It is hard to get back up after a fall, but falling offers the opportunity to learn from errors. For example, the first time I tried

to ride my unicycle I could not even go two feet, but I kept on trying. Every time I fell I learned something new: I learned I have to

wear shoes when riding; I learned I couldn’t go too fast or too slow; and I learned that determination is important for accomplishing

goals. Now I am an accomplished unicyclist because each failure was a training ground moving me one step closer to success.

On the other hand, sometimes failure forces a person to make adjustments or take new paths that lead to different

achievements. When Christopher Reeve, the actor who played Superman, became a paraplegic in a tragic accident, he had to accept

a new reality. He learned, however, that his physical failure did not mean the end of a meaningful life. In fact, he traveled widely

speaking on behalf of people with spinal injuries and was able to use his influence to raise money for spinal research. Several

ground-breaking advancements in the treatment of spinal injuries can be attributed to his contributions. His physical failings

enabled him to make a more meaningful impact that he might ever have made as an actor.

Failure can be disappointing; however, positive things can come from failure when people look for ways to learn from

their errors or they look for new pathways when failure blocks familiar avenues.

ESSAY E

Failure can make you stronger when failure allows you to learn from your mistakes, and when the more time you fall the

more strength you can gain in numbers.

After failing, it is a person’s natural instinct to think about why they failed and try and learn from their mistakes. In the

move “Batman”, Batman fights Bane and tries to rely on the darkness to win, but Bane ends up breaking Batman’s back. Batman

wakes up in the dungeon of the League of Shadows where he begins training. He learns from his mistakes, and when he gets out he

defeats Bane in battle. This demonstrates that after failure a determined person will think and become stronger because they learn

from their mistakes.

When people fall other people sometimes feel obligated to join them. In the 1960’s, Martin Luther King Jr. began the civil

rights movement. Martin started off in his hometown without many people following him and as he went on he would fail. Every

time he got up, and the more times he got up, he had more people behind him until finally he succeeded in his mission. He got true

freedom for all African Americans in the United States. Through the lesson of Martin Luther King Jr., people can learn that as long

as you get up after falling, you will gain strength.

Failure makes people smarter when people learn from their mistakes and decide to follow those that may have fallen but

keep trying and finally succeed.

ESSAY F

Many people often live in fear of failure and denial. Failing to accomplish something can make some feel inferior, but

failure doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing. It is important to face failure in order to become stronger and learn from our

mistakes.

In my elementary school we used to have a spelling bee contest. Fourth grade I didn’t win but I was determined to win by

fifth grade. By studying every night and being focused on winning, I was able to make it to the last round. Thanks to my hard work

and determination I was able to win first place.

While some people’s mistakes are small and they are able to overcome them quickly, others face more denial and bigger

failure. Ben Affleck, for example, faced a lot of failure and denial. In his early career he would face a lot of denial in his auditions

and failed many times to be cast as the lead role. But this didn’t stop him from following his dreams. By learning from his mistakes

and his determination, he finally reached his goal. Not only is he a famous director, actor, and producer, but his films have won

many awards.

In the end it is not important to succeed from the start. What counts is facing failure and being able to learn from your

mistakes and to keep trying.

HOW TO WRITE A THESIS STATEMENT A THESIS STATEMENT is a one-sentence statement that expresses the central claim or argument that you seek to prove

in an essay. It typically falls at the end of the introductory paragraph. In a STAAR essay, it can be the only sentence in the

opening paragraph and you can immediately move to your body paragraphs.

The thesis should contain two parts –

(1) a statement that explains what the essay is trying to prove

(2) an outline of the main topics/ideas discussed in the essay

• A strong thesis is specific and focused.

• A strong thesis states a point without discussing everything about it (no examples).

• NEVER use “I think,” “I believe,” “I will prove,” or any “I” (first-person) statement within your thesis.

STEPS TO WRITE THE THESIS

Step 1: Identify the Objective:

If the prompt says, Write an essay explaining the benefits of companionship, you should note that you are

explaining how or why companionship is beneficial and that your examples should illustrate the benefits

you identify.

Step 2: Brainstorm Concepts

You will next need to generate a list of ideas, concepts, and qualities that address the prompt.

Ex. If your task is to explain the benefits of companionship, you would focus on concepts relating to the

BENEFITS of companionship such as: love, belongining, social interaction, help, mental stability, connectedness,

advancement, sense of purpose, protection, security, ect.

Step 2: Logically Combine these Concepts and Establish the Connection between Ideas

a. Choose two ideas that mesh well and form a logical combination of ideas; make sure that the ideas have a

logical relationship and direct connection to the prompt.

b. After choosing two of the concepts, establish the connection between the two.

Ex. Love and belonging are emotionally related to one another but not too similar and will allow me to talk

about two distinctly different benefits of companionship.

Step 3: Construct Thesis Statement

a. You will then construct a thesis statement that will contain the ideas you have chosen; these items will

directly relate to the body paragraphs.

SAMPLE EFFECTIVE THESIS STATEMENTS:

Example: Companionship can have many extraordinary benefits for individuals including making them feel loved and giving them

the sense that they belong somewhere.

• This essay should:

o Explain the benefits of companionship

o Present evidence to support the claim that companionship makes people feel loved.

o Present evidence to support the claim that gives people a sense of belonging.

Example: The use of force is necessary to defend oneself from harm and to protect and maintain the safety of the public.

• This essay should:

o Explain when force is necessary.

o Present evidence to support the claim that force is necessary in self-defense.

o Present evidence to support the claim that force is necessary to protect the public.

ACTIVITY: EXPOSITORY PROMPT BRAINSTORMING AND THESIS CONSTRUCTION

EXAMPLE:

Read the information in the box below.

Think about the new technologies that people use in everyday life.

Write an essay explaining the effect of one new technology on people’s lives.

Be sure to-

• Clearly state your thesis

• Organize and develop your ideas effectively

• Choose your words carefully

• Edit your writing for grammar, mechanics, and spelling

•

Brainstorming Example:

1) Identify the subject: one new technology

2) Narrow it down if you need to:

a. Examples of newer technology: MRIs, smart phones, computers, the internet

3) Identify the objective: Explain the effect of the smart phone on people’s lives.

4) Brainstorm main ideas for paper:

a. Effects of smart phone:

i. Positive: easier communication, different methods of communication on a single device, easy

access to information, keeps people organized

ii. Negative: can be a distraction, can cause addiction / dependence, decreases interpersonal skills

5) Determine the needs of the thesis:

a. The thesis should:

i. state that smart phones have had an effect on people’s people lives.

ii. outline what effects will be the topic of each of the body paragraph in the paper

6) Construct a thesis based on two of the main ideas you brainstormed:

a. Example: While many technological innovations over the course of the past decade have had a

tremendous impact on people’s lives, perhaps none of these innovations has changed the way that people

The digital audio player, also known as the MP3 player,

first became available to the general public in 1996. Unlike

the compact disk player, this technology did not require

that music be stored on separate discs. MP3 players have

now become the dominate medium for listening to music.

1

2

live more than the smart phone [which allows people to instantaneously access information wherever

they are] and [to communicate through a variety of different means all on single device.]

ACTIVITY: EXPOSITORY PROMPT BRAINSTORMING AND THESIS CONSTRUCTION

Read the information in the box below.

Think about isolation and how it can be harmful or beneficial to people’s lives.

Write an essay explaining the effects of isolation.

Be sure to-

• Clearly state your thesis

• Organize and develop your ideas effectively

• Choose your words carefully

• Edit your writing for grammar, mechanics, and spelling

Subject:

Objective:

Brainstorm:

Thesis:

Friendship and companionship are important parts of

many people’s lives. On the other hand, some people

prefer to be “loners” who mostly keep to themselves.

ACTIVITY: PRACTICE WRITING THESIS STATEMENTS

Instructions: Write your own thesis statements based on the expository prompts provided.

1. Prompt: Write an essay explaining whether or not the truth should ever be withheld.

Brainstorm ideas:

THESIS:____________________________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________________________

CHECK IT:

Do you have a statement of your position?

Do you have an outline of your points?

Highlight the statement of your position in yellow. Highlight the outline of your points in blue.

2. Write an essay explaining the benefits of cooperation.

Brainstorm ideas:

THESIS:____________________________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________________________

CHECK IT:

Do you have a statement of your position?

Do you have an outline of your points?

Highlight the statement of your position in yellow. Highlight the outline of your points in blue.

ACTIVITY: PRACTICE WRITING TOPIC SENTENCES

A TOPIC SENTENCE expresses the main idea of a body paragraph (tells what the paragraph is about). Think of the

topic sentence as the “mini-thesis” of the paragraph. In order to be effective the topics sentences should convey the same

ideas presented in the thesis, but they should not repeat the exact same wording.

Example:

Prompt: Write an essay explaining how people can learn from failure.

Thesis: Failure teaches people many important lessons like never giving up when there is a minor chance of success

and to practice moderation.

BAD TOPIC SENTENCE: Failure teaches people many important lessons like never giving up when there is a

minor chance of success.

WHY IS IT BAD? It repeats the exact same wording presented in the thesis.

GOOD TOPIC SENTENCE: People will often give up at the first sign of failure, but when they do this, they

often miss the opportunity to learn from their mistakes and to turn that experience into something successful.

WHY IS IT GOOD? It repeats the same idea presented in the thesis, but the wording is presented in a

completely new way.

PRACTICE

Prompt: Write an essay explaining whether it is better to be independent or to depend on others.

Thesis: Remaining independent in life helps people to be able to take care of themselves and allows them freedom from

the control and influence of others.

Topic Sentence #1:

Topic Sentence #2:

Prompt: Write an essay explaining when the use of force is necessary.

Thesis: In situations where one’s own life is at risk and in cases of friendly competition, placing the needs of the

individual before the needs of others can result in positive outcomes.

Topic Sentence #1:

Topic Sentence #2:

ACTIVITY: PRACTICE WRITING CONCRETE DETAILS

For the purpose of your expository essay concrete details can take the form of:

o Personal anecdotes

o References to historical events or people

o Examples from the news

o Events from the plots of books or movies

The concrete detail must:

o be related to the topic sentence/thesis.

o be specific and concrete (not overly general of hypothetical)

o be used to prove the topic sentence/thesis.

Example

Prompt : Write an essay explaining when the use of force is necessary.

Topic Sentence: The use of force is necessary in order provide for the public’s safety and well-being.

Excellent concrete detail = concrete/specific: In 1966 Charles Whitman, a former United States Marine, climbed to the top

of the clock tower on the University of Texas’s campus, where he preceded to fire a rifle at anyone he saw moving on the

ground below. The Austin Police Department responded, and Whitman began to fire on the police. The only recourse was

to fire back.

Acceptable concrete detail = Concrete/general: Each and every day police officers employ the use of force to help prevent

dangerous criminals from doing harm to the public. When officers go out on duty, they are often faced with dealing with

dangerous criminals that can pose a huge safety to the public, from murderers, to armed robbers, to muggers, who will

not be subdued peacefully.

Unacceptable/ failing concrete detail = hypothetical: Let’s say there is this cop and while on duty, he passes a bank being

robbed. Is he going to just stand by and not use his weapon? No.

Practice

Topic Sentence: The use of force is necessary whenever a person is faced with a situation where self-defense is

necessary.

Concrete Detail:

Topic Sentence: In situations where one’s own life is at risk placing the needs of the individual before the needs of others

can result in positive outcomes.

Concrete Detail:

ACTIVITY: PRACTICE WRITING COMMENTARY

Directions: Read the thesis and understand the relationship between the concrete details and the idea that the thesis

presents. Construct commentary that is fitting for the concrete details that are present. Keep in mind the following

questions when writing commentary: Why is this important? What is the lesson that is learned? How does this prove the thesis is

true?

Sample Prompt: Write an essay explaining how failure teaches people important life lessons.

Thesis: Failure teaches people many important lessons like never giving up when there is a minor chance of success and

practicing moderation.

Concrete Detail: When Apollo 13 experienced difficulties in outer space and it was believed they would not make it back to

earth, the astronauts and the team at NASA never gave up. After quick thinking and careful planning, the astronauts

executed the plan with exactness and were able to make it back to earth.

Commentary:

Concrete Detail: In College Station, Texas, Texas A&M University had a yearly tradition of constructing a bonfire when

playing their rival, The University of Texas. A&M’s tradition grew to where they built a massive tower of logs that

reached upwards of 100 feet. In 1999, the bonfire fell, injuring and killing multiple people; today, the bonfire is much

smaller and more secure.

Commentary: