expanded family magazine spring 2015

EXPANDED FAMILY MAGAZINE 1

Its all about connection

Why I Adopted a 20 Year Old By: Shannon Paige

Connecting The World One Stone

At A Time By: Edie Weinstein

GOOD READSPage 28

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EXPANDED FAMILYSpring 2015

Magazine

The Importance of Ritual in Everyday Living

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By: Susan Hough and Jen Hutchinson


Includes: The Training Manual (156 Pages) and 5 DVD Set

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Gratitude and why i adopted a twenty year oldBy: Shannon paiGe

you are enouGhBy: Victoria deVine paiGe

truSt=connection, BuSt=no connectionBy: dr ruSty Stewart

how FitneSS connectS Me to SelF and to otherSBy annette padilla

what MakeS you Feel connected?

the iMportance oF ritual in our liVeS today: reconnectinG with our liFeS purpoSeBy: SuSan houGh & Jen hutchinSon

how My parentS deciSion to diVorceled Me to where i aM todayBy: dr. Jackie waice

carinG and SharinG: the Money connectionBy: dr kay leSh

My Special child By: carrie ann klineBurGer connectinG the world one Stone at a tiMe By: edie weinStein

connectinG to indiaBy: SuShMa pankule

at the end oF the dayBy leah StauFFer

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TABLE ON CONTENTS PUBLISHERS NOTEI define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.

-Bren Brown

Happy 5 Years Expanded Family!

Im forever grateful for every person who has been a part of our Expanded Family Magazine for the past 5 years.

In this issue, our theme is Connection, and heres how that happened...Normally I listen to my family, friends, and anyone who shares with me, and a theme begins to be born for each issue of the magazine.

This time, I was thinking tribe when I made one of my creative emergency phone calls to our At the End of the Day columnist, Leah Stauffer. It was she who suggested this theme! I thought, how perfect! So, here we are, with a beautiful collection of connections!

Happy Reading!In-JoyChristina Mariewww.christinamariewhinnery.com


When asked to share my feelings on gratitude, what I was most grate-ful for, and to offer something that might inspire that feeling in others, I smiled and knew just what I would share. Just over a month ago, at the ripe old age of 42, I legally adopted a 20-year-old woman named Vic-toria Devine. To those who dont know me well, this decision seemed a little odd. To those who do know me, it may have seem perfectly in step with my unconventional way of walking my own path through this world. In truth, it was one the most natural, positive, and pro-found decisions I have ever made.

Just becoming a young woman myself, I fought an arduous bat-tle with cancer. By far the most devastating of its consequences was when I was told I could nev-er have children, at 21. So youth-ful, I had carelessly written off any desire to be a mother, I had other dreams to conquer. Those dreams changed with time and were all so powerful before I learned that it was no longer an option.

Perhaps in response to such a close brush with death, I have lived a very full life and have always had a hard time accepting a tradition no or defeat. Likewise, in re-sponse to being unable to have children myself, I have embraced an unconventional sense of moth-erhood. I have become the moth-er figure to many of younger yoga colleagues. I thrive in mentorship, and adore nurturing the fright-ened skills of one who is just find-ing her voice to share it, proudly.

Without going into her vulnerable and personally painful backstory, Victoria, Tori, grew up, just out-side the sense of belonging, safe and loved. She was raised with the qualities of abuse and discon-nection. She felt unloved when I met her, a meek girl unable to maintain eye contact. I knew her for three years before this all be-gan, a being unloved by a history and a world constantly affirming her greatest fear, that she was un-worthy of love. Over those three years. I was so grateful that she let me in and I loved her hard. I tried to teach her that she mattered

tremendously to me and that the way she walked in the world de-served respect and kindness from others. I opened her grateful wide eyes that not only did she belong in our crazy band of mystic yogis, searching for love and connection, she was emerging as a leader of it.

The idea of adoption came one day before a Pure Barre class, when someone made a comment mis-taking me for Victorias mother. We both laughed. Just going into class, she poked me in the side, You would be an awesome mom.

I would be, I replied, I missed that boat, didnt I. She then looked me square in the eyes and asked the question that changed everything: Would you ever consider adopting me?

My eyes started to swell with tears, as the classs music started to thump loudly, saving me from publically breaking down into a puppy pile of connection, hon-esty, and finding my near grown up baby girl standing nowhere other than right in front of me.

Gratitude. And Why I Adopted a Twenty Year Oldby: Shannon Paige


Wow. Maybe that is a genius idea, I was barely able to mutter. I practiced, all the while considering how much I negated motherhood since it simply was not an option, from the age of 21. How I had shelved those feelings, cried for them a few times and lost beauti-ful men along the way, who wanted their own children and not the com-plication of an adoption or a barren woman. I smiled my way through it all, this decision taken from me with my uterus to save my life.

Convincing myself, I did not want a child. Now, I questioned, how much living I could have done if given the opportunity to feel and give to an-other, the way a mother gives to a child. I felt the pangs of wanting to be needed. I felt the random want of the dramatic call of MOM, in the middle of the night, more than anything in the whole world. I wanted to be the one that could be an anchor and love whole-hearted-ly from that heavy and stable place.

At the end of class, I said with a whole heart, towards my dear,

Tori, Yes, I want to be your mom. Lets explore and talk about what this means. This is a big choice. One cannot undo this decision. It is love. It is life. It is family.

Over the course of a couple weeks we talked about what it would look like and what we might need from one another. It actually prompted a big part of me to consider serious adult things like a will, my finan-cial future, retirement and all inten-tions I had around my own death, ceremony, etc. All these serious things tangled into the joy of what time we wanted to spend togeth-er, what she needed to learn from a mama, where we wanted to live, her schooling, and a sincere prom-ise, by each of, us NOT just to pick up and move, cut and run. We were making a commitment to a family.

I sourced the mothers I knew, those with adult children, including my own, and asked for opinions, ideas, resources, and inspirations. Not a single one gave me reasons not to move forward, though many reflected back a curiosity of why adopt and adult? Does she really

need a mom? I replied to each of them, including my own mother, Sh*t, I need you, a mama, all l the time, nearly everyday!! To that my own mother laughed in knowing-ness and gratitude and asked when she could meet her granddaughter.

Many of them told me that the real richness of their relationships with their children began only after they no longer had to worry about keeping them alive. They told me that it was when their children were stepping into adulthood that they were finally able to truly con-nect, communicate, and love. So in a way, adopting a 20-year-old was like diving straight into the real nectar of a familial relationship.

Terrified to get exactly what I have spent my adult life uncon-sciously wanting, a daughter. I live facing the beautiful, smart, and capable woman who wants me to be her mom. In the face of the responsibility of all that, I said yes. With my heart more certain than it has ever been, I said yes.


Wow. I was about to be a we, and not just a me.She was about to have someone who would love her, come-what-may. She was about to have someone who would be there in the middle of the night, if she ever dramatically called, Mom.

We were about to HAVE an imme-diate family of strength, collabora-tion, though unconventional, build on mutual choice and gratitude.

Its not that I have just taken on a legal daughter. I have defied the limits of time and circumstance. I have become evermore clear since that day about the people I want to be in HER and MY life. I am more conscious about actively choosing the tribe that helps raise her out of old self-limiting percep-tions and into her new story. I am weaving together a tapestry of sis-ters, brothers, uncles, and grand-fathers and grandmothers to teach her that love is something real and good to both give and receive.

What are we giving each other?We see each other everyday. I get texts that say, I love you mom. I send her the same and affirma-tions that she is rocking it so hard at school and at her job. I get I need you calls in the middle of the night and I nearly burst out in tears each time knowing I can help mend a boys actions against her, or her fear of a poor test score and its dramatic repercussions on her future. We are lovingly giv-ing each other time and the chance to step from circumstance into the ability to grow up and grow old truly serving love and choice.

Honestly, look around at those closest to you. They may have the will and grit of true family, though not bound by DNA. We all have the power to pick a family we were not born into and it does not make the love any less. Love will always find a way. As a mystic, I follow loves path. It has seldom steered me wrong and has always made me wake up to the beauty that presents itself, RIGHT in front of me, not over the next hill, or if and

when conditions shift or improve or have an alternative quality.

She I are learning, separately and together, to refuse to miss out on the texture of love, the timing of trust, and the effort it takes to remain con-nected in a world that is messy and busy and sometimes hard. There is not a doubt in my mind or my heart, that she is the best decision I have ever been honored to make.

With Love, From My Mama-Ness,With Great Love to My Family Own Family of Blood,Who Adores My Tori and. Sup-ports My Choice.

To My Chosen One, I waited my WHOLE LIFE for You. I love You Tori.

Great Love, Shan


Shannon Paige

Living whole-heartedly as a teacher of teachers, Shannon is a noted spoken word artist, poet, sacred storyteller, and previously published author. Shannon currently writes for Yoga Journal and has been a fea-tured teacher in Yoga Journal, Origin Magazine and Yoga International. She will be the nationally featured yoga teacher of the December 2014 Issue of Yoga Journal, in an article discussing her influences, focuses, inspirations, survival of cancer, and mission as a change agent in the world of positive transformation through the modalities of yoga. She serves on the national Yoga Journal Conferences and Wanderlust Fac-ulties Teacher Trainings and Tours. She infuses her bodies of work, practices and trainings with a fullness of her experience traveling and mentoring directly with Shiva Rea for twelve years. Her primary sources of current influence and mentorship are with Gary Kraftsow and Sal-ly Kempton. As such, her instruments of instruction are both unique, poetic, while strikingly detailed and clear. She is a noted Editors Pick TedX Speaker, she is described by many as confidently vulnerable and therefore, one who inspires positive change. She is the Founder of Anjali Restorative Yoga, Bala Therapeutic Yoga, And Embody Yoga. Shannon is based out of Boulder, Colorado, is a loving mother to her daughter, and travels nationally and internationally to deliver transformative talks, yoga workshops, trainings and retreats.

TO VIEW SHANNON PAIGES EDITORS PICK TEDX TALKHTTPS://WWW.YOUTUBE.COM/WATCH?V=UCGUO6UNS34

TO VIEW SHANNON PAIGES WEBSITE:WWW.EMBODIEDPOETRY.COM

Shannons National Sponsors and Endorsements:

Manduka Mats National Ambassador Sankalpa Boulder Based, Mala Company, National Ambassa-dor Crane and Lion California, Primary Product Launch Ambassa-dor Bhakti Chai, Beverage Boulder Based, National Ambassador Om Collection, Boulder Based, National Ambassador Prana, Regional Ambassador


My adoptive mom wrote a blog today about why she adopted me. She mentioned, very little, saying that I was abused. As I was reading that, I was bless-ed that she shared that aspect. I want people to know that you can still grow and live a won-derful life even if you have been abused in the past. Though I was grateful for her mentioning the abuse, I felt weird. My heart be-gan beating fast, my breath was becoming short, and my hands twisted. I was mad. I am mad. I am mad that my own birth mother killed my childhood. She made me grow up at such a young age. Yes, I completely

rebelled at the sharpness of her directed pain with drugs, snuck out, and didstupid things in gen-eral. I wanted attention. I wanted positive attention from the one person from whom I didnt get it from. I would lie to my friends, as I was so ashamed about how I felt inside about my own mother. I never expressed my emotions in a positive or productive way. I never learned how to do so. My biological mother would always blame her insane, hard drug ad-diction on me. I wont get into detail, but I went to the hospital numerous times because of her. I was close to death at least four times.Finally, my childhood best friend called DCF, my boyfriend at the time took me in because he saw

the damage, the black eye, and understood what she was doing to me. I was SO close in going to a shelter; however, the love of a chosenfamily welcomed me into their homes and lives. The pain did not stop there. Not yet. I am continuing to struggle. In late August, I was diagnosed with depression. I was so hurt that I had to take pills to make me okay. I missed two weeks of school because I felt that heavy. I couldnt and wouldnt talk to any of my friends because I did not have energy to talk to them. I am still somewhat de-pressed, and I want to give in but I wont. Just when I was about to go back into depression, Shannon Paige

You are enoughby: Victoria Devine Paige


Victoria Devine Paige is a junior at University of Colorado , Boulder where she thrives in studying both Neuroscience and Sociology. At the age of 16, Victoria found her passion for yoga. Its not until she was 18 when she decided that she wanted to become a teacher and study under Shannon Paige.

It took her two years to complete a training, but with dedication and a lot of hard-work she is now certified in both Vinyasa and Anjali Restorative yoga. Her goal, for when she teaches, is to make people be comfortable in the uncomfortable in a safe envi-ronment. I want my students to trust, respect, and love themselves as much as possible. Being com-fortable in the uncomfortable will allow them, us, to grow as a person and a community. In order to hit that comfort zone,one must know that they are enough and that is what i do. I give them tools so they can explore the realization that they are exactly who they are suppose to be and show them that when things get tough, always remember that they are enough. Besides studying and practicing

yoga, Victoria loves to be up on the mountains, sleep in her hammock and read a good book.

took me in and adopted me. Shan-non has told me many timesnot to give up. How can I give up when I finally have a woman who is root-ing for me in every way possible? I have known her for three years and the love she has for me is be-yond words. I was her yoga student. I came in not knowing where I be-longed, but she has helped me re-alized that I AM ENOUGH. Once her yoga student and now I am her 20 year old daughter.This is so cool. I dont think anyone understands how blessed I am to have this re-lationship with this outstanding woman. She took me in and helped me fight battles that I could not have won. She taught me how to love myself, not talk to mean boys and to eat a banana when I have a Charley Horse. She has taught me

many things that mothers teach their children. Now, I am not writ-ing this because I want attention, but instead I am sharing this to show people that your past does not define your NOW. I am begging you. Never give up. I promise, from the bottom of my heart, that it does get better. The key is to move to-wards great things. I ask you to do one thing. Go look in the mirror and say *Your name * is enough; when you say your name, instead of I, you get a rush of enjoyment. I am writing in response to my mothers blog, just know that you are enough, no matter what lin-gers from your past. When you feel alone, just know that you have

someone looking to love you. Raise your eyes, you might just find your chosen family staring back. You are enough. You are enough. You are enough. I am here for you, as liv-ing proof that from abuse can grow great love. Everyone deserves love and family, strength, and encour-agement.


Over the last 15 years of practicing relationship coaching I have found that the number one blockage that people have with deep connection in relationships is trust. This issue of trust is twofold. First and foremost is the lack of trust we have with ourselves. Secondly, this makes it almost impossible to trust others, especially with our romantic part-ner(s). As a result we have a limited or busted connection in our clos-est relationships. The key to solving this dilemma of trust is to transform negative relationship patterns from our past that keep rearing their ugly heads like the movie GROUNDHOG DAY! (A movie where the actor Bill Murray wakes up every day over and over again to relive the same day to get another opportunity to change the way he does things, relates to people, and his outlook on life.) Let me explain.

When we have issues of trust with self we will almost certainly have a faulty or fuzzy connection with our-selves. Its kind of like when our cell

phone connection breaks up. Now before we go any further ask your-self this question, how many prom-ises have I broken with myself? If you are like me, there are WAY too many to count! These broken promises lead to a poor sense of self worth, self confidence, self esteem, self ex-pression, and thus, a corresponding-ly busted connection with self and a view that we are untrustworthy. Its our first hand experience with our-selves which we typically dont want to deal with so we instead project our lack of trust onto others. Make sense?

All of our trust stuff comes from our interpretations we made in child-hood. These original events are pro-grammed into our unconscious like a computer, except its like a virus and/or malware. Fast forward 30 or so years and presto, we have ingrained negative relationship patterns. So to continue with the computer anal-ogy, what we need is an anti virus and/or anti malware program which gets to the hidden core issues and

erases or quarantines them. We have to do the same with getting to the source of our negative relation-ship patterns. When we do this we uncover blind spots that enable us to transform and END Groundhog Day! You with me? Ok, so how do we do this?

I have found that the 2 pronged approach works best. The first is to work on releasing the emotional triggers based on your skewed per-ceptions of early events in life. Find a good therapist that uses regression techniques to lessen or eliminate childhood misperceptions that con-tribute to a lack of trust and negative relationship patterns. A couple ex-amples of the therapeutic methods could be hypnotherapy and breath-work. Energy work complements the above examples nicely as it helps to loosen up bodys emotional mem-ory from the past. One big bene-fit you will receive is the ability to create a larger gap when getting triggered which allows you to con-sciously CHOOSE to respond rather

Trust = Connection, Bust = No Connection

By: Dr. Rusty Stewart


than react! In responding you will be able to own your triggers and realize it is your baggage and not the other person. This eliminates or reduces blame and victimhood and fosters deeper connection and inti-macy. Doesnt that sound great?The second approach is to cultivate a nurturing LOVE AFFAIR with your-self! This involves transforming your thoughts and actions and putting an end to the insanity of doing the same things over and over again expecting different results. Stillness practices are wonderful ways to BE with and connect to your HIGHER SELF! This is the self that is nothing but Love. Some examples of how to nurture and connect with your in-ner higher knowing are meditation, yoga, breathwork, walking in na-ture, taking a hot bath with candles and incense, getting a massage or facial, going on a silent retreat, etc. When we carve out time to attend to loving ourselves, trust blossoms like a beautiful Lotus flower. Thus, we follow our intuition more which cultivates connection with others by lowering our fear of intimacy walls. Yummy huh?

Oops, I almost forgot about our thoughts which can inspire new and different action. No mistake there, LOL! You know that little voice in your head, the one that we

call the inner critic. BEWARE! That voice is not your best friend! In fact you wouldnt say those things to your best friend. When the inner critic elicits fear, say thank you for sharing and take risk and uncom-fortable action anyway, in spite of fear. We all have fear. What sepa-rates the people that bust the neg-ative relationship patterns from the ones that are stuck in Groundhog Day, is what we do in the face of fear. And trusting ones self goes a long way in walking through fear. This results in new and different inspiring thoughts, which leads to more new action and extraordinary relationships with ourselves and others! Pretty cool, yes?

In wrapping up, remember that you are 100% responsible for creating your life and spectacular relation-ships. It all comes down to loving and trusting ourselves. This estab-lishes deep connection and intima-cy. See a powerful therapist! Seed a stillness practice and water it dai-ly. Fall in Love with yourself! And produce and direct your own Love Story that blows Groundhog Day right off the charts! Its your life. Now take new and different action and get award winning results. Oh, and dont forget about that pesky inner critic. There are two voices and two choices. Which one do you

choose?

Bio: Dr. Rusty Stewart is the owner of Dr. Rustys Love Shack and Personal Growth Alternatives, LLC. He is the founder of the Soulmate Mania Sum-mit. Rusty is a Relationship Trans-formation Coach, Professional In-spirational Speaker, Psychotherapist, Hypnotherapist,Breathwork Facilita-tor, Usui and Shamanic Reiki Master. He has been practicing successfully in his business and delivering sensation-al results for his audiences and clients

for 14 years!

www.drrustysloveshack.comwww.rustystewartphd.com


No matter where you go, in the perpetual end, theres that smile. That inner grin. That look and feeling that says I matter. I am important. And nobody, including myself, can ever nor will ever take that from me again.

Its the struggle of considering the fight ahead. The only time to work out is before the family gets up. The only me time youll get is waking at 4:30am to meet your trainer at 5:00am, for a half hour only. Is a half hour worth it? Is a half hour worth the inevitable fatigue during the day and the constant rush to and from work? And then by some miracle you get to leave work early, so you shoot home for the 15 minutes of quiet time and then you re-member you forgot to get the film developed for your daugh-ter. And after a long day and your 90-minute commute, there goes your 15 minutes. Again.

Youve made the decision, so you go to the gym to meet me at 5:00am. You hired me because you looked me up on Yelp and

read the reviews, and you believe I can help you. And so we work together for the next 2.5 months.

I see your struggle. I watch you in physical pain. Youve given up the excuse that its the baby fat; (your child is now 6). I see the exhaustion in your face and I feel your frustration. We spend one training session with you in complete meltdown. You cry and wipe your tears on your favorite magenta long sleeve V-neck top. You feel that your entire life is a failure. We sit. I listen. Our time is up and you get up and start walk-ing to the exit. You dropped your magenta top and didnt even know it. As the music from the 25-person boot camp pounds the gym walls, you leave in silence.

Its a new day and were back! Today you allow me to fix your aching-for-the-last-25 years knee that was due to a high school injury. You allow me to educate you as to why I make you do so many painful 45 degree glute pushes and you continue to do them. Two weeks later and with-

out you even knowing it, the neck pain you came in complain-ing about no longer exists. It was those painful 45 degree glute pushes that healed your hurting neck. Thats my fun. Im sneaky.

We continue training and your consistency turns into more in-tensity. Intensity turns to now youre addicted. to feeling good through physical exercise. We maximize on your reignit-ed mindset and that turns into hard-core training. Now we have you swinging a sledge ham-mer, flipping a tire, doing box jumps and running 1.25 miles to Costco and back, all in your 30 minutes, and all pain-free.

Three holidays pass. You got new brakes on your car. A friend passes away. Your child lost two teeth and gained 3 pounds. Your divorce became final. You go from wearing your long, black, ankle-covering runner leggings and your favorite, yet worn and now very faded, magenta, long sleeve V-neck top to your new, vibrant, royal blue, Nike capris

By Annette Padilla

How Fitness Connects Me to Self and to Others


and fluorescent yellow racer back top and you look radiant. At this point you dont even care about how much you weigh be-cause weve trained you to look at the magnificence of your inner self and all the empowerment that implies-and you listened.

It is our last training day and youre about to leave the area, as planned, to start a new life af-ter the divorce. I see a new you.

Your eyes say what only a heart of pure joy and peace can say, without saying a word. We em-brace. The kind of embrace that says, I see you and I will love you forever. And as you leave I toss something into your arms. You open it from end to end. You look down as you place it across your chest; its your long-sleeve magenta top you dropped that dark day. Only this day, your ma-genta top stretches 3 inches wid-

er than your shoulders when on day 1 it fit tight on your body.

Theres that smile. That inner grin. That look and feeling that says says I matter. I am im-portant. And nobody, includ-ing myself, can ever nor will ever take that from me again.

And thats how fitness con-nects me to Self and to others:

Annette is a personal trainer, group X fitness instructor and a lifestyle coach. Since 1984 her passion has been one of conscious awareness and deliberate action toward the nurturing of the spirit within, educating that the physical changes are a direct result of the level of deservancy one chooses to acknowledge and grow. Annettes approach is unique and humorous. Specializing in core conditioning and integrity of movement while treating the problem rather than the symptom, makesAnnette an expert in empowering the spirit while encouraging the physical results that people desire, enabling pain-free movementand the indulgence of life. http://absolute-fitness-results.com/about.html

I matter. I am important. And nobody, including myself, can ever nor will ever take that from me again.


We asked people...What makes you feel

connected? And here are

Their answers....

looking at the water on the beach and looking at the stars

in the sky

Connected as part of my daily ritual of

meditation, journaling and creating a daily

affirmation. I find when I start my day with

these three elements I am fully connected all

day long

Laughter

A Warm Hug

Playing with my cats

Giving to others

Contribution

Family and Friends

Up close and personal

interacting


My grandkids

Doing for others, making people happy

and seeing people happy

Walking in Nature

Genuine relation-ships/friendships

Worship for connection to

God

Feeling loved and having some-

one to love

A good book

Sex

Family and emails from my daughter

When I am in a creative flow, where ideas

seem to pour through me

What makes me feel connected is recognizing that each human being on the planet has the desire to love and be loved. We may express the need in various ways and not always gracefully and require a means of translating so that others can

understand us. I feel connected to myself when I allow for full human BE-ingness in flow

with life as it shows up instead of resisting what is. I feel connected to Spirit all the time. I dont differentiate between

spirituality and the other aspects of my life, since it is a thread that weaves it all together.

I believe that we ARE nature too, so there is no disconnect there either. As such, I am

responsible to live so as to contribute to the wellness of the world.


Spirit Is Coming Back For UsThe Importance of Ritual in Our Lives Today: Reconnecting With Our Lifes Purpose

In my tradition before we come here, we all go into the Spirit office, with all the gods and goddesses, whatever name you like to call them, and we actu-ally bring them a plan, like a dissertation. Based on what we present to them, they put their stamp of approval on what we are going to do. So when you come here you are backed by all of the gods and goddesses and ancestors, you are not coming by yourself. You are backed by powerful forces. Sobonfu Som, Keeper of the Rituals

In the indigenous Dagara tribe of Burki-na Faso, West Africa, you begin your life connected to Source. Its where you re-ceive what the Dagara refer to as your

GIFT. The Dagara believe that every one brings something vital in to Village life; something that is needed now, some-thing that will be needed, or something that it has been waiting for. Every GIFT is a thread in the vitality and the holis-tic sustainability of the ways and life of the Village. Once you arrive, it is your communitys responsibility to recognize, nurture and mentor your GIFT; and to keep you connected to Source through rites and rituals

One of the first rituals you take part in is the Hearing Ritual. This is the moment when the people in your community first come together, when your Mother is still pregnant, to literally hear about the

GIFT you are brining in, about your pur-pose, about what went down for you in the Spirit Office.

All of the women in the Village come and gather around your mother. They sing, and chant and hold her, as Sobonfu tells us, The elders ask you, who are you? Why are you coming here? You take over your mothers voice and you speak back, this is who I am. I am coming to do this and this. And based on that information, the elders prepare the appropriate ritu-al space to receive you. They make sure everything is ready here before you are born. After your birth, the elders make sure they surround you with things that will help you remember and accomplish

BY: Susan Hough and Jen Hutchinson

The purpose of ritual is to connect us to our own essence,

to help us tune into the collective spirit, or to mend whatever is broken,

so we can start anew.


the purpose you have described. They name you according to your GIFT, and when you reach adolescence and go through initiation, you go back to the time before you were born to remember what you said.

Sobonfu, considered one of the fore-most voices in African spirituality, whose name means Keeper of the Rituals, ex-plains that, Ritual is to the soul what food is to the physical body. We often say in my tradition that youre either doing a ritual, thinking about getting into one, are in the middle of one, or just finished one. The purpose of ritual is to connect us to our own essence, to help us tune into the collective spirit, or to mend whatever is broken, so we can start anew.

Spirit is everywhere in Village life in ritual, in the communal life, in relation-ships, and in your name. Living this way, its not difficult to stay connected. But our villages, our families and commu-nities, are fractured- by geography, di-vorce, trauma, and technology. How do we (re)connect to our purpose, to our essence, to our GIFT, when they are not recognized and nurtured? We are not re-newed to our inner essence by spiritual, transformational experiences as a natu-ral way of life.

Although we are born whole people, we loose connection to our Gift, and

to Source. We know it is there. We feel it in our bones, we quicken with the spark of intuition; we experience epiph-anies born from the deepest knowing of ourselves, which awakens us, in our consciousness, to who we really are. We sense that we are living the lives we have been called to live. How do we string enough of these moments together to center our personal transformation-al journeys? This process isnt easy. It is often tumultuous, it can feel like a roller coaster, we get off balance, and experi-ence loss of control, fear, anger and des-perationchasing the tail of the person we know our true self to be.

The transformation process is constant-ly calling up that which isnt serving us- from the deep- in order to bring it into consciousness where it can be healed and transformed. We are constantly shedding skins, we are constantly in a state of returning to and becoming who we really are, whom we started off to be.

Luckily, for all of us, not only in particular those of us who live in the West, but for anyone effected by its particular para-digm; we are in a time when Spirit is try-ing to (re)connect with us this ancient wisdom is returning. Its churning up inside of us, in our culture, its returning from the deep of our collective uncon-scious into our consciousness, where it can be healed and transformed.

The good news is that Spirit is coming back for us. It has heard us calling it in, in this modern age. Spirit is coming back with the thread of indigenous knowl-edge, to (re)connect us to Source, and to our true selves. Spirit wants to support us in manifesting the great transforma-tion.

Spirit is finding its ways to connect with us individually. When we are ready to receive it, Spirit is waiting at that exact place to meet us.

Susan Hough, Co-Founder of Living Your Gifts, had a book brought into her life that (re)connected her to the ancient wisdom. It was Sobonfu Soms, The Spirit of Intimacy. In particular this book, simply and beautifully, practically and profoundly, relates the ways and some of the rites and rituals of the Dagara peo-ple. Sobonfus GIFT to her community, is to help keep the indigenous knowledge alive, and to travel the world bringing this knowledge to those who need it.

More than in the words of the book, Su-san felt in her bones the truth and the transformational healing power that was missing from the therapeutic men-tal health field, where she was employed as a Social Worker. At times she sensed, and at other times she experienced that the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), did not include the dis-ease of being disconnected from

The purpose of ritual is to connect us to our own essence,

to help us tune into the collective spirit, or to mend whatever is broken,

so we can start anew.


Spirit. She witnessed how the paradigm of Western medicine, which did not ad-dress the whole spiritual being in its treatment standard, was only a Band-Aid, and kept many of the clients in a func-tional stasis of their disease.

She resonated with the need for com-munity, as the small town she was raised in grew, and the familial and communal connections stretched, broke, or disap-peared. When she began to work with Sobonfu, and later attended and grad-uated from her Ritual Healing Village, she gained first hand knowledge of the power of ritual- in daily life, in times of need, as a practice, as a framework for the transformational journey.

Susan began to develop small, private gatherings in her home. They were grounded in the traditional self-help group framework, but she incorporated Dagara philosophy and ritual. She wit-nessed how when people were enabled to connect to Source, and to their es-sence- they moved issues, traumas, and patterns up and out of themselves, and that the work went beyond self-help, into the realm of healing.

During this time, she also helped to es-tablish the teen fundraising program, Walking for Water, which is now a part of Sobonfus nonprofit, Wisdom Springs, Inc., established to educate and keep the indigenous Dagara knowledge, ways and rites alive. Susan brought Som into her local school system to talk to the students about life in her native Burki-na Faso. Sobonfu told the story of walk-ing for up to 6, or 8 hours a day for fresh water. One of the students, remarked, If they have to walk for water, why cant we? They organized a local 5K-and10K walk that has now grown into a 2-State program, led entirely by teens that has raised over $300,000 to build nearly 30 wells in indigenous communities. The students get connected to their GIFTS, during the program, completing the var-ious tasks needed to organize, publicize, and produce the Walk. Susan began to understand that her GIFT was helping to

intuitively see and guide others to their own.

This is where Spirit was waiting at that ex-act place to meet her. In 2013, she found-ed Living Your Gifts, with her business partner, Jen Hutchinson, to help others (re)connect to their GIFTS. It is imbued with the principals of staying connected to Source, being supported in your trans-formational journey by community, and creating sacred space for healing and transformation with rituals.

Indigenous wisdom is comprised of the learning that has occurred in diverse lo-cations around the world from people who have spent centuries deeply study-ing their intimate relationships with all dimensions of reality. Although such wisdom has been largely ignored, sup-pressed, or marginalized, more and more critical and creative thinkers are recog-nizing its importance. Four Arrows

Spirit is coming back for us. When we hear it calling, like in the Village, we have to go back to the time before we were born to remember what we said we were here to do. What aids in this process of remembering?

Co-Creating Your Life With Spirit

The Dagara call on their ancestors, those with whom they met in the Spirit Office, to guide them in co-create lives of pur-pose. By connecting to your lineage you are connecting to the patterns that you may have been dealing with for gener-ations. It is your ancestors job to help you to plot your course. You can also call on the pool of the ancestors; anyone who is passed but was not in your gene-alogy- even trees, animals, rocks, rivers and mountains are considered to be part of the pool of the ancestors. You call on them when you need help transforming a pattern of behavior, or to help you see through a blind spot. The Dagara also call in the Spirits of the elements - Fire, Water, Earth, Mineral and Nature- in their Med-icine Wheel, to aid and assist them with specific life matters. For example the wa-

ter element confers peace, and is called in to remove obstacles, and return you to the natural flow of your life. The Mineral element is connected to communication and stories, and may be called upon to help you change a story in your life that is no longer working. In each Living Your Gifts Womens Discovery Circle, we cre-ate a ritual around one element for that week, to support your transformational journey. We might call in Nature if we need help removing a mask. In practice, this provides new ways of seeing, that create those aha! moments of self-dis-covery.

Community

In the Village, it requires a community to listen, prepare for, and nurture your GIFT. This community goes beyond your immediate family. In fact in the Dagara village, there is little distinction between biological and non-biological family. In fact Sobonfu tells a story that when she was around five, someone from outside the village asked her who her mother was, to which she replied with confusion, they are all my mother.

We discovered that a Moms group could be like the village hearing ritual. We gather around our mothers to listen for the GIFTS that we can support in her chil-dren- as we support her parenting and mentoring. We honor the sacred place of mothering and mentoring and without being directly related; we uphold and nurture the GIFTS that sustain our global human village

Ritual and Initiation

In addition to ritual, the purpose of which is to connect us to our own essence, totune into the collective spirit, or to mend whatever is broken, we consider the con-tainer of initiation- that is missing in our Western world- or rather, healthy, guided initiation.

When we left our indigenous tribes, we gained much in the way of individual freedom, but we lost much of our under-


standing of the necessity of ceremony and initiation...we still require initia-tions, rituals...so that we may grow into conscious individuals. -Karla McLaren, The Language of Emotions

Traditionally, McLaren relates, Tribal initiations are performed as a way to guide members through lifes transi-tions. Tribal societies create a container and a foundation from which all growth and transition can be understood and overseen. The most basic initiation or rite is characterized by three stages: isolation or separation from the known world, experiencing an ordeal or tri-al, and the return/welcoming back as an initiated adult. Each stage is crucial to the whole, and all phases must be completed for the transformational process to be complete. In our society, she notes, Initiation occurs whether we want it to or not. This can refer to entering adolescence without a guid-ed rite of passage, or returning from recovery back into ones old life. She continues, When we dont understand this, we create unrelieved sufferingwhen the welcoming tribe is composed of similarly traumatized peoplemany healing and recovery tribes dont foster a deep connection to our larger society or culture as a whole. Instead...one be-comes a survivor of a specific set of cir-cumstances instead of becoming a fully initiated adult. We designed our Third Step Workshops to put extra support around specific demographics who are navigating transitions in our culture, providing the third step of healthy, mentored, guided initiation into the next life phase.

Our tribal selves still live inside us, and our ancestral DNA has hundreds of thousands of years of indigenous mem-ory that competes with a mere handful of hundreds of years of modern life.

-Karla McLaren, The Language of Emo-tions

At Living Your Gifts, we weave the thread of indigenous knowledge back into the vitality of your life, and use rit-ual and other Spirit-filled and energetic modalities to (re)connect you to your GIFT to that original purpose that you received in Spirit office.

We need to live in community, seeing the GIFTS in others- not just in our circle. We live in a global village where nation-al, economic and other long held bor-ders and systems are falling away. Luck-ily Spirit is calling us all back together.

*Sobonfu Som is a speaker, lectur-er, and the author of three books. She performs the rites of her Dagara tribe throughout the year, in North America and Europe.

Susan Hough (BSW) has near-ly 30 years of experience in the traditional mental health profes-sion, in addition to completing healing and ritual trainings with Mietek Wierkus, Mary Branch Grove, she is a graduate of Sobon-fu Soms, Ritual Healing Village. Susan has led Rituals and been mentored by the international-ly renowned African Spiritualist and Ritualist for 14 years. Susan combines her traditional training with a connection to spirit and in-digenous wisdom. She is also the Program Director for non-profit Wisdom Spring, Inc.s, youth-led Walking for Water fundraiser.

Jen Hutchinson earned her M.A. in Social Entrepreneurship from Pepperdine University. Jen has traveled extensively, and has vol-unteered as a Social Entrepre-neur on international Womens Empowerment Projects. She is a long time mentor for inner-city youth, and serves on the BOD, and in leadership positions of several non-profit organizations.


I was four years old when my parents marriage ended. Being that young, I had no knowledge of what divorce meant. The only thing I knew was

I was loved and they were a team who just lived in two different places. They communicated to each other and I still couldnt ask dad for something mom al-ready said no too- trust me, I tried sev-eral times! What I think was different was my time spent with them: it one on one quality time. I was definitely daddys lit-tle girl; he always had something fun planned! And when I was with my mom, it was our special girl time.

Through the years, both of my parents dated and found their life partners, so I was blessed with two loving homes, a mother and a stepfather and a dad and a stepmother. Growing up was full ofnor-mal kid stuff. I wasnt treated differently because I had separated

parents by my friends or other family members.

I was fortunate to experience two sepa-rate types of lives: Sports, fishing, car rac-ing with dad. Sushi, tea with Santa at the Ritz, traveling with mom.

These experiences developed in me a desire to work with, communicate and re-spect all walks of life as my mom would say. By the time I was in college, my sum-mer months were spent visiting my family members who lived in different states at this point. One summer, I lived with my eldest sister in Atlanta, Georgia where I met a good friend who took me to school with her. This is when my journey as a chi-ropractor began.

It was my stepfathers work that led him and my mother to move to Atlanta, Geor-gia which my sister soon followed. Con-necting the dots, if my mother hadnt

met my stepfather and I hadnt been in Atlanta, Georgia that summer, I wouldnt be on the path Im currently on, which I feel is where I am absolutely meant to be.

My parents were still my parents, even though they lived in two different homes. The love I received seemed to be doubled. And having half-sisters (from my mothers previous marriage) it was always nice to be able to take a break from them by go-ing to my Dad and stepmoms house (girls growing up. Sometimes we just need our own space)

While I realize everyone has their own unique situation, family and experience, here are some of the belief systems that I have found keep propelling me for-ward in my life (that co-exist with being a health care professional) For me, re-spect and love are two different things but often get mixed up and are equally as important. As a young child, my step-

HOW MY PARENTS DECISION TO DIVORCELED ME TO WHERE I AM TODAYBy: Dr. Jackie Waice

Connecting The Dots..


HOW MY PARENTS DECISION TO DIVORCELED ME TO WHERE I AM TODAYBy: Dr. Jackie Waice

dad was not as much fun as my dad so I didnt like him. As I grew up, I realized Im not the one who has to like him- my mom does. I saw how he loves her and doted on her and most importantly, made my mom happy and I respect him for that and have grown to love him. I grew up respecting my mom; an independent, strong willed and verbal woman. My step-mom was the opposite; gentle, kind, soft-spoken and a push-over. So on the other side, the situation was opposite: my dad did not re-spect my step-mom, therefore I didnt. He loved her but in his own way. I loved her but didnt respect her until I was a grown woman myself and was able to see how their relationship worked.

With any relationship ending, someone always gets hurt. Thats life and bad things

happen- to everyone- forgive and move on. My dad has now unfortunately lost, he claims, the two loves of his life and regrets all his actions. He is incapable of moving forward and creating a happier future for himself. This unfortunately has taught me a lot: Appreciate and love the people in your life when youre with them (not after theyre gone) and learn to forgive. In the search for my own prince charm-ing and happy ending, I realized I needed someone who loves the same way I do. Someone who respects me as much as I respect them. Communication, honesty, selflessness and forgiveness are key; as well as many other factors but learning from my parents relationships.

All of these life lessons connect to one major theme: learn to love people for

who they are, not who you want them to be. And the people who love me, need to love me for me. Looking back on my life, as Im heading into the next phase, where I want to start my own family I can honestly say I would not be where I am today if my parents stayed married. A powerful statement, however; I truly believe I would not be living where I am, have had the many life experiences I have been fortunate to ex-perience or the extensive schooling I did to become the health professional I am.

Im still connecting the dots as I experi-ence my lifes journey. My parents deci-sion to divorce and expand our family was a big part of my life. One that I feel makes me a better person!

Dr. Jackie fulfilled her Bachelor of Science degree from Ithaca College in upstate New York with a concentration in Athletic Training/Exercise Science. She continued her education and received her Doctorate in Chiropractic from Life University in Atlanta, GA with an interest in Sports Chiropractic. While at school, Dr. Jackie worked with the Life University Rugby team and went to USA Rugby National Championship with them several times.

Dr. Jackies vision is to see people come to total healing physically, mentally and spiritually. This falls in line with her chiropractic philosophy, wherein she believes that the body has the ability to heal itself. When meeting with Dr. Jackie, she will discover the root of the problem and stimulate the spine in order to heal each patient, receive the full healing potential and maintain health. Her mission is to provide a caring and professional service, with treatment uniquely tailored to each patient.

Dr. Jackie is native to Northeastern Pennsylvania but a southern bell at heart and currently resides in West Chester with her boyfriend and Yorkie Kiara. She enjoys running, scrapbooking, playing tennis and yoga.


If youve ever visited Disneyland, chances are excellent that you left the park with the song from Its a Small World rolling around in your brain. Or, youd hear your kids humming it all the way home. It is one of those tunes that worms its way into our memory. Maybe it has such staying power because the melody is so catchy and the costumed figures of children from many lands are so darn cute. Or maybe it is because intuitively, we realize that the words are true. It is a small world, after all. And it is small enough that people of different countries and cultures tend to be more like us than they are different. The same is true of people in our own country who live in different geographic re-gions. Whether we are from the shores of the Atlantic Ocean or the arid deserts of the West, we share a humanity that connects us. So what does that have to do with money, you might ask? Money is another form of connection. Its value is assigned to it by the society in which we live. Without this assigned value, money is worthless. If you ever returned from a foreign trip with currency you didnt have time

to exchange before your flight left, you know how this works. Suddenly, the money you could spend in one country has no val-ue in another. You returned to this country with worthless mon-ey. It cant buy anything because it has no assigned value here. When money has value, we can use it to help us feel secure and safe. We are able to purchase the things that we needfood, shelter, cloth-ing, education, and entertainment. Sometime people fall into the trap of turning acquiring money into an end in itself. The more the better, they think. An old clich tells us that money cant buy happiness. Clichs have staying power be-cause they usually contain at least a grain of truth. This one tells us that money alone isnt sufficient to be happy. For happiness, we need to have some meaning in our lives. Money can give our lives a deeper meaning if we use it in a way that fosters meaning. If we ask our-selves What was I put in this world to accomplish? What is my purpose in life? we may come up with a totally different value for money than simply what it can purchase for us. So, if we answer the why am I here? question by respond-ing: I want to make a difference

in the world or I am here to help others, that answer guides our use of money. If we look at funds or prosperity, not as an end in itself, but a means to an end, we have a tool to reach out to others in a pos-itive way. We can use it to connect. There are a number of ways we can find this connection. Some people find it simple to just write a check to a charity of their choice and send it off. Its quick and easy. It feels good for a minute, but it is imper-fect because it lacks the personal touch many of us need. As a result, we miss the resulting satisfaction. Some people find this kind of giv-ing empty. They long for a more personal connection with their gift. They want to know where goes, who receives it and how it is used. The organizations that match needy children of another coun-try with givers in this country have traditionally encouraged the giver and the receiver to become pen pals and get to know each other that way. Thus, a bond is formed and both parties find a person-al relationship from the financial exchange. And, because of this, giving becomes more meaning-ful. The child I am helping be-

Caring and Sharing: The Money ConnectionBy: Dr Kay Lesh


comes someone I know, someone with whom I have an affiliation. I have a friend who is part of a womans giving circle that meets every six weeks. For each meeting, the group selects a charitable or-ganization in another country and pledges to donate a certain amount to that cause. But they dont stop with writing a check. They research the country and learn about cus-toms, religion, and what life is like there. Then, they cook and share a meal featuring food from that country, while discussing what they have learned about this place at their regular meeting. Thus, they feel an alliance with the place their charitable giving supports.Another organization I know of provides scholarships and sup-portive funding for low income students. The members dont

stop with just financial support, however. They become active mentors to those students. The money is certainly helpful, but the personal connection is priceless. Both the mentor and the person being mentored are bound by a shared task and a drive toward success. They become linked.So we can use money as a way of connecting to others. When you give to charity, make an effort to form a connection. If you chose to support your local community food bank, perhaps you can vol-unteer one morning a month to help box and distribute the food to the recipients. If you give to your Public Broadcasting station, you might find a way to help with fund raisers or connect in some mean-ingful way. If you give money to an organization working with the

elderly, perhaps you could vol-unteer to drive someone to the grocery store or to a medical ap-pointment. Or you might form a giving circle of your own and learn more about where your money is going, whether it is to a local charity or an overseas organiza-tion. Use your creativity to connect with the recipients of your gift. Humans need to feel connections. We are social beings and we long to be linked to others. Imperson-al giving creates distance. Shar-ing fosters connection. We can make the world smaller by sharing of ourselves as we give and us-ing our gifts as a way to connect with others in a meaningful way.

Kay Lesh, Ph.D. is an educator and psychotherapist. She has worked as a therapist for over 30 years, and is licensed by the State of Arizona as a Professional Counselor and as a Mar-riage and Family Therapist. She has a private therapy practice in Tucson AZ. Additionally, she teaches Psychology at Pima Community College. She presents workshops, seminars and classes on a variety of personal growth issues. She has written a number of articles on topics related to the impact of physical disability, women and rehabilitation, dealing with suicide in the family, psychology of money, and developing self-esteem. Dr. Lesh is the co-author of Building Self-Esteem: Strategies for Success in School and Beyond, 3rd. Edition, Prentice Hall, 2002; Our Money Ourselves for Couples: A New Way of Relating to Money and Each Other, Capitol Books, Inc. 2003, and Our Money Ourselves: Rede-signing Your Relationship with Money Amacom Books, 1999.


The day my son Daniel was born, I was filled with so many emotions that were beyond just saying that this was the second happiest day of my life, since he was my sec-ond child. My first son was born 15 years earlier and I definitely fell in love at first sight when they placed my first born son into my arms. It was very different with Daniel. During the 15 years be-tween their births, I suffered eight pregnancy losses. My heart was crumbled into pieces with each one. When I found out I was pregnant with my Daniel, I had to see a spe-cialist because I was considered very high-risk. They started doing ultrasounds from the day I was five weeks pregnant so I fell in love with him the first time I saw that little lima bean on the screen and heard his little heart beating so strongly. I prayed for this baby to fight for life. My fianc and I watch him grow, through ultrasounds every two weeks at the specialists office. The day that he was born and placed in my arms, we were already in love with this perfect baby boy. He was already so protected and loved by us, his two big brothers, family and

friends. I had one son from a previ-ous relationship and my fianc also had a son from a previous relation-ship so this little one is the puzzle piece that completed our family.

Daniel was developing right on schedule for the first 18 months of his life. Around 19 months is when I noticed differences with him. I was a toddler teacher for years and have been around chil-dren my whole life so I knew some-thing was different. Everyone was telling me to relax and that he was fine. He was babbling and saying a few words and then they stopped. I have a friend whose son is eight hours younger than my son, so I would see what he was doing and noticed my son was not doing any-thing close to the same things. At around 20 months Daniel stopped making eye contact and thats when I knew I had to do something to help him. I sat down with my fianc and told him my concerns and he said that he was noticing the same thing and we need to find the solu-tion to help our boy. Thats when I started researching and found a number to call for early interven-

tion. I still did not think that he had autism, just some delays. Autism sounded like such a scary word to me that I didnt even want to think that way. I set up an evaluation via early intervention and I was still hoping that they would tell me that he was okay and for me to relax, but that is where this journey begin.

The day that early intervention team came to my house was a fear-ful one for me. I did not sleep the whole night before and I felt frus-trated with my fianc because he was sleeping like a baby. I did not say anything to him about that be-cause I knew I was in an emotional state and I wanted him to feel what I was feeling and that was not fair of me. When the evaluation team came in, it was a little overwhelm-ing to have five strangers come into our home and all eyes were on Daniel. The caseworker was talking to me and asking me questions, but I was not paying attention to her because I was watching every-thing that Daniel was doing with the therapists. I felt like a moth-er in the stands at a baseball game praying that her son hits that win-

My Special Childby: Carrie Ann Klineburger


ning homerun or makes the final play to win the game. When they were finished with the evaluation, they sat down with us to tell us that they did find some major delays and that he qualifies for services. After that, the caseworker started giving us information and we had to sign papers to get everything started. To this day I have no idea what she said to us at that time because I felt like somebody just stuck a knife into my heart. His dad was the one who asked all the questions and took in everything that was said so that he could talk to me about it later and explain in greater detail. When they left and my fianc went back to work, I remember picking up Daniel and holding him for the longest time. I promised him from that moment on that mommy and daddy would fight through fire to make sure he had every possible opportunity for help that he possibly could get. Then I took him to the toy store and let him pick out a toy, even though he had no idea why or what was happening. I felt like I needed to do something special for him. Everyone was calling me that day but I really did not feel like talking, I was trying to sort out

my feelings. I felt guilty for feeling this way because there are parents out there saying their final goodbyes to their children and my son just has delays. I wondered: What the hell is wrong with me feeling so sad about having this beautiful perfect baby boy who just needs extra help?My friend came over that night and was the first person to ask me how I was feeling. I was taken aback for a moment thinking, I cant tell you that! This is not about me! My feelings dont matter in this! I was a little frustrated with her for tak-ing the focus off of my son. Then she asked again, How do you feel? Thats when I realized exactly how I felt. I said, The best way I can explain it is that my Perfect Baby Boy is broken. My child is broken and I cant fix him. Thats when I had my first real cry about this.

For the next year, we had three dif-ferent therapists come to our home to work with Daniel. He had a Spe-cial Instructor to help with Social and Interacting skills. He had an Oc-cupational Therapist and a Speech Therapist. They were absolutely amazing with him and he grew very

attached to them but most especial-ly his Special Instructor. She would come in the door and his little face would light up. Throughout the year between his second and third birth-day I saw so many positive chang-es in Daniel. Even though we saw positive changes, I still found my-self sheltering him. We took him to a friends daughters birthday par-ty and it was the first time it really hit his father and me how different he was from those other children. Daniels two older brothers would play rough with him and he loved it. When we took him to this par-ty, he was so excited to see the kids that he would start jumping up and down from excitement then try to hug the kids but he would squeeze really hard and pull them down to wrestle like his brothers would do to him. We could not explain to him the difference so it was very stress-ful trying to steer him away from the kids because he just wanted to play. That was the first time I heard a dad say to his 5 year old, Just punch that kid! Hell stop then! My heart crumbled. I could not be-lieve what I just heard. Then a cou-ple of weeks later, I took him to the


park. Similar situation except he was not being rough, he was grab-bing kids hands and leading them to the slide because he cant talk, so thats how he communi-cates. Another father actual-ly said, Stay away from that kid! There is something wrong with him! My heart broke again. I put him in the car and came home. My old-est son came home from school to find me sobbing uncontrol la-bly. All of my emotions over the past year came flowing out like a river. He chuckled and said, Mom they are ignorant people that dont know any better. Dont let them get to you. I stopped and thought that he was right. They really dont know any better. On another occasion, I took Dan-iel to the supermarket. As I was bagging my groceries I heard him crying, I went over to see what was happening and realized he wanted a sticker from the cashier because he knew every time we went there, the cashier would give him a stick-er. She was holding the sticker up and saying to him that he could not have it until he said please. I told her that he does not talk yet and he is on the spectrum. She looked at me and said, That is everyones excuse

today. You dont have to baby him mom, he can still learn manners. I could not believe what I just heard and at first I was being polite but

then mama bear came out. Again, I thought: You ignorant people not knowing any better, but I couldnt understand with so many children on the Autism spectrum today, how could so many people be so ignorant?

I found myself questioning Why my son? I am not strong enough to deal with the struggles and I always feel like I am not doing enough for him. The days when I am feeling like this are usually the days that Daniel will give me extra smiles for extra hugs and remind me that he chose me to be his mommy for a reason. After being on the waiting list for almost a year, we finally got Daniel in to see a developmental pediatri-cian. She fell in love with him in-stantly and was so impressed with

everything we have already done for him as his parents. She said that ev-erything she was going to suggest to us, we have already done and he has

made so much progress in just a year. Even though I tried to prepare my-self to hear the medical diag-nosis of autism I still felt like it was a punch to the gut.

After Daniels third birth-day, the ther-apist no lon-ger come to the house. We were told that he has to start

in a classroom setting. We went for the IEP meeting and my sister-in-law who works for another county came with us and the outcome was for him to get into an ABA Behav-ioral classroom. I did not truly un-derstand what the difference in the classrooms were but I trusted that she was doing the best for my son. The day we took him to visit his new classroom was so overwhelm-ing that I cried the whole way home. These children in this classroom seemed so much higher on the spec-trum and I was afraid that he would start learning from their behaviors. I did not see my son in this class-room. Daddy took him to school the first week because I could not emotionally do it and by the second week he loved his new school and


his teachers loved him. I was so im-pressed with the way they handled him and he did not shed one tear. He has only been there a month and he is learning so much. I took him to a friends house for a get together with all of the kids and I was in tears on the way home but they were now happy tears because he played with them like a regular 3 year old boy!

This past year has been such an emotional roller coaster and I find myself still questioning why this happened to us. Here is what Daniel changed within our family. When he was born, he brought us all to-gether as a family like our complet-ed family puzzle. For me, Daniel has shown me how strong I actually am for my children. He has taught me that autistic children are not broken; they are special and precious gifts. I have also learned to not take for granted the things that come easily

to us because there are people in this world that fight hard every day to accomplish the simple things in life.

He has taught his dad to stop and appreciate the little things in life. To enjoy every smile, hug, kiss and cuddle. Taking the time to read a 5 minute book means so much more than just reading a book. Appreciating the smiles, hugs and love when he walks in the door from working a stressful day. He has also taught his dad patience.

When I talk to our older sons about their little brother, it melts my heart to see the unconditional love they have for him and they are ready to take on the world to protect their brother. He has shown them how to be compassionate, loving and pa-tient with others with special needs. My 18 year old son played baseball with special needs children and was

so patient and kind with them that he does not even realize what he did in that one day for them. My 12 year old stepson came to a party with us and saw my friends autistic cous-in who goes to his school. He told me that he is one of the few people who is nice to him because he would never want people to be mean to Daniel when he goes to school.

Daniel has brought Autism Aware-ness to our family and has taught us all Unconditional Love! I know that we will continue to have our mo-ments on an emotional roller coast-er and our journey is just begin-ning. I no longer feel like my child is broken. He is Special and chose us to be his family, so thats exact-ly what we will always be with him.

Carrie Ann Klineburger is currently working on her degree in early childhood development. Shes the biological mom of two boys (18 & 3) and a stepmother of one boy (12) in addition to this,

Additionally, Carrie is an independent Origami Owl rep.


BOOK READSThe Marriage Advice I Wish I Wouldve Had: What Divorce Taught me About Love and Life

by Gerald Rodgers

The dedication in the beginning of the book will melt your heart. As Gerald expresss his experience and pain when his marriage of 16 years ended, it will break your heart. Then he shares his love story (and its a beautiful one!) As a part of his personal healing process, he writes a letter to his nave groom self. The advice he would have given himself. Gerald posted this letter of advice to himself on social media, it became a virtual sensation. Featured in magazines, newspapers, and blogs around the world; in different languages, reaching well over 3.5 million people in just one blog. And that is just a fraction of the story.

This book uses the advice he gave himself, the 20 Principals that flowed through his writing and expands on those principals. This book is full of

humor, grace, wisdom and practical yet fun practices, tools and resources. This book is the how to, consciously create your marriage. Ive given it my 5 heart review because I feel this book can help couples go beyond saving their marriages and into a realm of being inspired and excited about creating their

own version of what an EPIC marriage means to them.

Gerald is deeply in touch with the masculine and the feminine. His wisdom and humility is remarkable.

To get the book or learn more: www.epic-marriage.com

Sexpot with Stretch MarksBy: Jenny G Perry

I thoroughly enjoyed Sexpot with Stretch Marks! Jenny G Perry has her own unique writing style thats authentic, humorous and completely challenges how our culture defines a womans beauty and self-worth just by her way of being. Likable, relatable and high energy. Jennys essence and sparkle shine through, page after page. Its like sitting down with an old friend whom you lovewho loves all of you reminding you to cherish and love all of yourselfbecause you forgot. (for whatever reason) Sexpot with Stretch Marks is like a B-12 shot for a womans soul. Find out more about Jenny at: http://www.jennygperry.com/

The Last Conception is a compelling read. The mystery at the heart of this tale about the complicatons of conception lures the reader to

examine the deeper issues facing the characters: telling the truth about ones needs and desires, the urge to have children, the pressures of family ancestry, and the power of love. Suspenseful and sweet, theres always an unexpected twist, all the

way to the end. -- Marcy Alancraig author of A Woman of Heart, accepted by the National Jewish Book Awards

and Lambada Awards for a debut novel


Firefly Sweets owner Sylvia Davis Hines

People always ask me about the origin of my love for baking. Without hesitation, my reply has always been because my grand-mothers did it. Not really descriptive, but in my mind a sufficient answer for that moment. Recently when asked that same question I didnt feel that my usual response was representative of my deli-cious/yummy baked goods. Can you share what some of them are?

So, here it is! Growing up in a single family home, I lived with my mom in Philadelphia while my father remarried and moved to Miami. It was not easy. Having great and loving relationships with both my moth-ers family and my fathers family was amazing, but at times could be a challenge. At the young age of eight I craved to have more of the amazing times and fewer of the challenging. Then a lightbulb went off. I needed to find a common interest between my two families.

Eureka!! That common interest was baking! So whenever the oppor-tunity presented itself, I would bring up the topic. It started to provoke a fun spirited exchange of ideas, and uncomplicated heartfelt con-versations between the two families. To this very day when I am bak-ing, I can still recall those moments .They make me laugh, smile, feel loved and blessed. All great ingredients needed for any sweet recipe!

Email: [email protected] # 267-971-9263

One Sweet RecipeSylvia Says:


We never know when inspiration will ar-rive or where it will come from, and how it will guide us to make a difference in the world. In November of 2014, as I was walk-ing through the rows of booths at The Mind Body Spirit Expo in King of Prussia, PA, I came to a booth at which two women were smiling and welcoming me to approach. In front of them was a table with stones; each engraved with a word of virtue: grat-itude; strength; inspire; forgive; kindness. We all know the power of words to help reach out to the world, and into hearts and minds. I was curious to find out more.

That was the intent of Wendy Marcelli and Lia Koyner, two enthusiastic entrepreneurs who launched PassItOnWord, a social net-work of goodwill. It sprang from their de-sire, to be the change they wish to see in the world. Their vision is that one word and one action can make a difference. They took polished stones and imbued them with the loving energy of the aforementioned words of virtue, and also placed a tracking code on the back of each one. When some-one purchased the stone, they would then go to the website www.passitonword.com to register the talisman. The next step is to share what it was that attracted them to that

particular one and what the word means to them. From that point on, they carry it with them until they feel moved to pass it on to someone else with the instruction to do the same thing. The next person re-turns to the website and continues the tale of the traveling stone. Thus far, 79 regis-tered stones have been passed along by sib-lings, employers, spouses and friends. One stone has traveled from the United States to Saudi Arabia. Another is inspiration for someone who is training for a race. Yet an-other is in gratitude for a loving marriage.

I passed my gratitude stone along to a friend as part of a giveaway at a Winter Solstice gathering this past December. I know that when the time is right, she too will send it to its new home. Recently, I had the privilege and pleasure of interviewing Wendy and Lia:

WHAT WAS THE INSPIRATION FOR PASSITONWORD? PassItOnword was created from a real life experience that changed me. While visiting a dentists office, I watched an old-er woman lovingly caring for her impaired sister who was in a wheelchair. I could tell the dental procedure she endured had taken a toll on both of them.

The concern and compassion the older woman showed toward her sister was so real it touched me, and I spontaneously gave her an angel stone I carried for luck with my best wishes. The look of grati-tude in her eyes was priceless, and it truly was the inspiration to create what is now Project PIO, LLC otherwise known as PassItOnword.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE IT ACCOMPLISH?So many times the little things people do for us go unnoticed, or get forgotten about. If one stone passed to another makes a difference in someones life/day weve accomplished our goal.

One Word and One Action can make a Difference:Connecting the World One Stone at a Time

By Edie Weinstein, LSW


WHY DO YOU THINK WE FEEL SO DISCONNECTED FROM EACH OTHER? We are all so busy, rushing from one activity or obligation to the next. There is very little time during a day to stop and appreciate the things or people around us. The minute a PassItOnword stone is in your hand you are thinking about others immediately. WHO CAN I PASS MY STONE TO? WHOS IN NEED OF STRENGTH, OR WHO SHOULD I ACKNOWLEDGE FOR BEING KIND TO ME OR MY FAMILY? What makes PassItOnword so unique is as soon as you purchase or are given a stone, you are immediately thinking about others. That takes us out of our sense of loneliness. Even if you are not in the presence of someone, they are with you in your heart.

HOW CAN ONE ACTION MAKE A DIFFERENCE?PassItOnword is a social network of goodwill. By just taking a small action to reach out to someone, energy shifts in a positive way. When this happens anything is possible.

WHAT IS THE POWER OF SOCIAL NETWORKING TO BRING PEOPLE TOGETHER? Social networking can allow positive ideas to spread exponentially. They allow for creative solutions and ideas to connect people as never before. Social networks cross all boundaries and let people know they are not alone, and that there are others that share their values.

WHAT IS THE INTENTION SETTING BEHIND THE ATTRIBUTES ON EACH STONE?The stones attributes are gratitude, strength, inspire, forgive, and kindness. Each attribute is meant to empower. There are different situations in a persons life that may need acknowledgement or positive affirmations. Sometimes, a stone can be given when you just cant find the words. Just taking the action to give a forgive stone, can change the dynamics of a relationship. Giving a strength stone to someone with a medical condition, may make a difference in how they get through the day. Thats very powerful. WHERE HAVE SOME OF THE STONES TRAVELED ALREADY?

Many of the stones are popping up in Pennsylvania which is the location of our business. However, from speaking to our customers we know one stone is traveling to Israel, one is on its way to Saudi Arabia, and others are on their way to Alaska, and Florida and California. We just launched the company November 1st of 2014. Since many of the stones were purchased as gifts, they have not been registered in the system yet. It will be so exciting to watch the Stones in Circulation appear on the map of the website!

TALK ABOUT THE CHARITY COM-PONENT AS WELL.We are passionate about giving back to our communities and donating to charity. So before we even knew if PassItOnword would resonate with people, we decided to donate to charity from day one. We decided to give our customers two charities to choose from. One is Alexs

Lemonade Stand Foundation, which fights childhood cancer www.alexslemon-ade.org. and the other is charity: water which is a non-profit organization bring-ing clean, safe drinking water to people in developing countries www.charitywater.org . When a stone is registered on our website www.passitonword.com for the first time, the customer selects the charity, and we donate 1% of the retail price to the charity selected. It is vital to our chari-ties that the stone be registered on the website.

ANYTHING ELSE YOU WANT TO SHARE?

We cant do this alone. We truly need people to spread the word.

We would like to start a movement, that one word and one action CAN make a difference! When you purchase a PassI-tOnword stone and register it at www.passitonword.com you can visually see the journey of your stone, the chain of stories connected, and the impact created from just one action.

Rev. Edie Weinstein, MSW, LSW is a colorfully creative journalist, dynamic transforma-tional speaker, interfaith minister, licensed social worker, addictions counselor, radio host, reiki master, BLISS coach and PR Goddess. She calls herself an opti-mystic who views life through the eyes of possibility. She is the author of The Bliss Mistress Guide To Trans-forming The Ordinary Into The Extraordinary. Edie is a frequent guest on radio shows and loves to speak on the subjects of relationships and recovery, sexuality and spirituality, transition and transformation, peace and pleasure. www.liveinjoy.org


Culture plays a pivotal role in the develop-ment of any country. A culture of a nation represents its values, goals, practices and shared beliefs. The Indian culture has nev-er been rigid and thats why it is surviving with pride in the modern era. It timely im-bibes the qualities of various other cultures and comes out as a contemporary and ac-ceptable tradition. That is what is unique about the Indian culture, it moves on with the time. There are certain things about India that are famous worldwide, like:

INDIAN MARRIAGESTime has changed but the lavishness has always been an integral and indispensable part of Indian marriages. In India, marriage is still taken as an institution where not two people but two families get united. So, it always calls for boisterous celebrations full of music and dance. Within India, ev-ery caste and community has its own way of performing the rituals of marriage. In Hindu marriages, while Punjabis perform the Roka ceremony in weddings, Sindhis perform the Berana. But most common of all is the ritual of Hast Milap ceremony popularly called Paanigrahan Sanskaar.Muslims also have their own special way of celebrating the marriage ceremony, popu-larly called Nikaah. During the auspicious occasion, the grooms family gives mehar (nuptial gift) to the bride. Parsis plant a young mango tree in a pot during the mar-riage ceremony. This ceremony is famous as

Madhavsaro ceremony. Every state has its own special way of celebrating

the marriage ceremony.

INDIAN ASTROLOGY AND MARRIAGES

Horoscope in Indian Astrology a horo-scope literally means hour scope. A horo-scope is a description of the personality and future of a person based on the vari-ous planetary positions. Indian Astrologists believed that the position of astronomical bodies such as stars, planets, etc., at the moment of a persons birth and the position of the bodies throughout that persons life reflect that persons character and destiny. Many people look to astrology as a means of predicting what will happen in their fu-ture. Such prediction is made through a persons horoscope. Astrological analysis of a person begins with the preparation of a horoscope which requires exact date, time and place of birth of that person concerned. Marriages are made in heavens truly said by someone. According to Indian Astrolo-gy marriage compatibility is a measure of the likelihood of finding success in your

marriage. It tells how you and your spouse relate to each other, what areas you have in common, the views you both share that are alike, etc. It also shows how your opposing views and characteristics can potentially cause problems for your marriage. Compat-ible simply means, Capable of existing or living together of two different individual together in harmony. When two people are in a relationship together, having compat-ibility can make the difference in how the two of you communicate, the activities you enjoy with one another, and even how you can complement one another from day to day. When you exist together harmonious-ly in a relationship, it means that you and your partner can fulfill all aspects of your relationship without it causing concern for

arguments or stress. Mehndi

In Indian marriages, especially in the north, a special night is celebrated before the day of marriage in which mehndi or henna-a kind of paste-is designed on the palms of bridegroom and is followed by some color-ful dance and music. It is also designed on the palms of women on some special occa-sions like their engagement and marriage. The paste is applied for a few hours or over-night and washed when it gets dried com-pletely. This gives reddish-brown color to the palms. In certain parts of India, mehndi is a special kind of ancient folk art as well.

INDIAN DRESSESBeauty of Indian woman lies in the clothes she wears. Very traditional and ethnic yet contemporary Indian saris are famous

CONNECTING TO INDIABy: Sushma Pankule

INDIAN CULTURE TRADITIONAL

YET CONTEMPORARY


Dr. Sushma PankuleQualification M.Sc. M.Phil. Ph.d.M.A. English LiteratureWorking as a professor in Adv.V.R.Manohar Institue ofD.M.L.T. napur for 30yrs. Associated with women's international league for peace and freedom (WILPF) for 15 years .Working on women's issues Peace and Environment. Runs a school forunderprivileged girls, Sushma currently lives in India with her husband, two sons

expanded family magazine spring 2015

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