existential therapy: an introduction

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Existential Therapy: an introductionEmmy van Deurzen2015@Emmy van Deurzen 2015

www.nspc.org.ukwww.existentialacademy.comwww.emmyvandeurzen.comwww.societyofpsychotherapy.org.uk

www.existentialpsychotherapy.netwww.icecap.org.ukwww.dilemmas.orgFacebook and LinkedIn: Existential Therapywww.slideshare.net

@Emmy van Deurzen 2015

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Emmy van DeurzenPhD, MPhil, MPsych, CPsychol, FBPsS, UKCPF, FBACP, ECP, HCPC reg

Visiting Professor Middlesex University -UKDirector Dilemma ConsultancyDirector Existential Academy Principal New School of Psychotherapy and Counselling - London


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Books by Emmy


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3d edition of Existential Counselling and Psychotherapy in practice orEveryday Mysteries, 2nd editionor Skills book for intro


most relevantin relation to meaning: 2009 book on happiness


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Mystery and paradox of human existenceLife is a mystery to be discovered, explored and lived, not a problem to be solvedAll of human existence is situated in the tension between polarities and paradoxes played out in dilemmas, contradictions and conflicts. We can learn to understand better how we intertwine with the world at all levels.


Imagine a person like a sphere


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Your own little sphere of existence matters


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That person is located in a universe with other planets, stars, suns, moons and spheres@Emmy van Deurzen 2015

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Sphere as a planet or a cell: micro or macro level. @Emmy van Deurzen 2015

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If a cell: connection with other cells, function and internal constitution are paramount@Emmy van Deurzen 2015

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If planet: orbit and position matter


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Merleau Ponty: Visible and InvisibleThings are structures frameworks the stars of our life: they gravitate around us. Yet there is a secret bond between us and them through perception we enter into the essence of the flesh (Visible and Invisible: 220)@Emmy van Deurzen 2015

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You experience yourself as having a nucleus: a core, a heart or a soul@Emmy van Deurzen 2015

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Perhaps we are more like suns, generating heat and light


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Solar anatomy


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Layers of the sunCorona, chromosphere, photosphere, convection zone, and core. @Emmy van Deurzen 2015

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Layers of a persons life.

4.Physical: Umwelt

3.Social: Mitwelt

2.Personal: Eigenwelt

1.Spiritual: Uberwelt@Emmy van Deurzen 2015

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Merleau Ponty: soulThe soul is the hollow of the body, the body is the distension of the soul. The soul adheres to the body as their signification adheres to the cultural things, whose reverse or other side it is. (233)@Emmy van Deurzen 2015

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4.Physical: Umwelt

3.Social: Mitwelt



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We find ourselves in situations that affect and oppress us.


Spiritual:Good/EvilIntuitions, values, beliefs, purpose, meaning.Worldview/Ideas.Personal:Strength/WeaknessThoughts, memories, identity, freedom.Selfhood/Me.

Social:Love/HateFeelings, relations, belonging, acknowledgement.Communication/Others. Physical:Life/DeathSensations, actions, environment, body, things.Survival/World.

Dimensions of existence@Emmy van Deurzen 2015

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Existential Space

Physical space

Social space

Personal space

Spiritual space@Emmy van Deurzen 2015

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TherapyUnderstand a persons situation and its tensions, including context and subtext. Elucidation of what is the casePutting things back into perspectiveSeeing and working with connectionsCreating meaning and purpose from connectivityLearning about life: onto dynamics.Liberation@Emmy van Deurzen 2015

Happiness or Meaning?Are we after happiness or meaning?Is the ultimate objective something else, like intensity or contact with reality?Are we perhaps just after life itself, but afraid of it?What does it mean to live a good life?Can we live a good life without offering ourselves up for depth and therefore suffering? @Emmy van Deurzen 2015

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Both positives and negatives@Emmy van Deurzen 2015

What is paradox?Only to the extent that we accept polarities, conflicts and contradictions do we learn to live with truth

Onto-dynamics rather than psycho-dynamics:Life is tension between opposites@Emmy van Deurzen 2015

Making sense of life@Emmy van Deurzen 2015

Energy is the flow between two polesSource: kidzoneweather.com


Dialectics: working with tension, dilemma, conflict, opposition, polarities, paradoxThesis, antithesis, synthesis.Human evolution proceeds with constant conflict and forward movement in overcoming a previous state. Paradoxes and dilemmas are integrated and gone beyond. @Emmy van Deurzen 2015

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TranscendenceThesis AntithesisSynthesisDialectics


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futureThesis: my view(past )Antithesis: your view(present)Dialectics: transcendence in spaceSynthesis:a wider view@Emmy van Deurzen 2015

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Paradoxes of human existencechallengegainlossPhysicalDeath and painLife to the fullUnlived life or constant fearSocialLoneliness and rejectionUnderstand and be understoodBullying or being bulliedPersonalWeakness and failureStrength and staminaNarcissism or self destructionSpiritualMeaning-Lessness and futilityFinding an ethics to live byFanaticism or apathy


Why happiness is not a good enough goal for lifeGreater values than happiness: love, truth, beauty, loyalty, honour, courage, freedom.

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Baumeister (1991:214)Happiness is when reality lives up to your desires. Long-term goals offer a sense of direction, but it is necessary to have short-term goals in order to derive daily meaning. In fact it is having short term achievable goals that allow us to feel efficient and purposeful that gives us most of a sense of self worth and value of life. @Emmy van Deurzen 2015

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Baumeister (1991) Meanings of Life Baumeister concluded that there are four basic needs for meaning: Need for purpose (spiritual)Need for value (social)Need for efficacy (physical)Need for self-worth (personal)It is the process of going in the general direction of these four objectives that makes for a good life.


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The right level of challengeTo live a meaningful life and have goals and values is not enough: you must also feel you are capable of achieving these things. It is necessary to find moderately difficult tasks to maintain that middle ground between boredom (too easy) and anxiety (too hard). (41)@Emmy van Deurzen 2015

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VALUES AND BELIEFSValues and beliefs are the basis of a personal code of ethics which is about: how I want to live my lifehow I want to treat othershow I want to be treated by othershow I aim to evaluate my actions and those of othershow I feel about human existence as a result


Onto-dynamicsLearning to live in line with the laws of life Paradox, conflict, difficulty and dilemmas are our daily companions When crisis comes we need to have the courage to descend to rock bottomFrom there we can build something better@Emmy van Deurzen 2015

No prescriptionExistential therapy does not have to impose rules for living. It enables people to uncover the laws of life, and recover their capacity to trust in these and be inspired by life again when they were forlorn, forsaken, desperate or confused. @Emmy van Deurzen 2015

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Being open to worldview and ideology@Emmy van Deurzen 2015

How to create value?Through committed and engaged actionStep by stepDiligently proceeding no matter what challenges come on your pathSteady progress comes from undaunted focus on your projectFlexibility and finding joy in the process rather than aiming for success or happinessIn friendship and collaboration with others. Valuing what matters@Emmy van Deurzen 2015

An educational projectLife is for learning@Emmy van Deurzen 2015

Overview of conflicts, challenges and paradoxes on four dimensionsWorldUmwelt : where?Mitwelt : how?Eigenwelt: who?Uberwelt: why?Physical:survivalNature:Life/DeathThings:Pleasure/Pain Body:Health/IllnessCosmos:Harmony/Chaos

Social:affiliationSociety:Love/HateOthers:Dominance/SubmissionEgo:Acceptance/RejectionCulture:Belonging/IsolationPersonal:identityPerson:Identity/FreedomMe:Perfection/ImperfectionSelf:Integrity/DisintegrationConsciousness:Confidence/ ConfusionSpiritual:meaning

Infinite:Good/EvilIdeas:Truth/UntruthSpirit:Meaning/FutilityConscience:Right/Wrong


Engagement is keyWe go towards the world or keep away We flee, freeze, stay in place, or approach, loving or fighting with the world around usWe do this not only with other peopleWe do it with objects, animals, humans, our selves and also with ideas, expectations, hopes, fears and many other thingsWe are always in relationship and are more or less available and engaged@Emmy van Deurzen 2015

Existential psychology is about a different way of life: a way of being.It is not just about knowledgeYou have to live it. @Emmy van Deurzen 2015

Your future is as bright as your willingness to engage and learn @Emmy van Deurzen 2015

Existential TherapyTalking about your troubles is only helpful if you can talk through them in constructive dialogue taking you beyond blame and shame.No pathologyFocus on Problems in Living Philosophical view of human existence@Emmy van Deurzen 2015

Landscapes of our life Understand the Lebenswelt:the world in which we live.

How do we co-constitute the world? @Emmy van Deurzen 2015

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Focus of existential therapyOntological questionsAddressed by tackling everyday ontic problems@Emmy van Deurzen 2015

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DefinitionExistential therapy is a philosophical method of psychotherapy, which focuses on the clarification of human existence to enable a person to engage with problems in living in a creative, active and reflective manner in order to find new meaning and purpose.@Emmy van Deurzen 2015

WorldviewExistential therapy values the interactive, relational and embodied nature of human consciousness and human existence. It considers that human beings are free to effect change in their lives in a responsible, deliberate, ethical and thoughtful manner, by understanding their difficulties and by coming to terms with the possibilities and limitations of the human condition in general and of their own life in particular. It emphasizes the importance of finding meaning and purpose by engaging with life at many levels, physical, social, personal and spiritual. It does not prescribe a particular worldview but examines the tensions and contradictions in a persons way of being. This will include a consideration of existential limits such as death, failure, weakness, guilt, anxiety and despair.


How does it work?There are many forms of existential therapy and each has its own specific methods and ways of exploring difficulties and change, but all forms of existential therapy work with dialogue to enable a person to find their own authority in exploring their life and the way they want to live it. This will often involve a philosophical and ethical exploration of the big questions of human existence, such as truth, meaning, justice, beauty, freedom, consciousness, choice, responsibility, friendship and love. Existential therapy is a pragmatic and experiential approach which favours embodiment, emotional depth, clarity and directness and which employs the principles of logic, paradox, dialectics, phenomenology and hermeneutic exploration amongst other methods.


AimsExistential therapists aim to approach a persons un-ease or suffering in a phenomenological, holistic way. Symptoms are not seen as the defining aspect of a persons troubles, but rather as an expression of the persons disconnection from reality or as a way of coping with an existential crisis. A persons experience will be considered at all levels and equal attention will be paid to a persons past, present and future. Existential therapists facilitate a persons greater awareness of their mode of being in the world, helping them to be more in touch with their concrete physicality, their interactions and relationships, their engagement with their own identity or lack of it, their concept of what grounds their being and the ways in which they may be able to bring the flow and their capacity for transcendence, learning and pleasurable forward movement back to life. It helps people to tolerate and embrace suffering and difficulty to engage with it constructively.


TrainingExistential therapists are trained in specialist training programmes, that require four years of training at post-graduate level and which involve theoretical learning, skills training, practical learning under supervision, a process of personal therapy to learn to apply existential principles in practice and the completion of some form of phenomenological research project.


Bubers encounterThe interhuman: das Zwischenmenschlichen; the in-between is where real communication takes place (Buber, Between Man and Man, 1929). All actual life is encounter (ibid: 62)This is where truth is found. In inter-subjectivity we create the world in which we live together: I-It or I-Thou. @Emmy van Deurzen 2015

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Directive or non directive? The existential therapist is purposeful (directional) rather than directive. Also direct. Directiveness denies autonomy and can easily lead to stagnation or rebellionNon directiveness can lead to confusion and dependencyA productive therapeutic relationship will be challenging to both peopleClients will value a therapist who is willing to stand with them and who is able to teach them something new about life


Later SartreI believe that a man can always make something out of what is made of him. This is the limit I would today accord to freedom: the small movement which makes of a totally conditioned social being someone who does not render back completely what his conditioning has given him. Which makes of Genet a poet when he had been rigorously conditioned to be a thief. (Between Existentialism and Marxism, 33-34.)@Emmy van Deurzen 2015

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KNOW YOURSELF (oracle of Delphi):

Mans task is simple:

he should cease letting his existence be a thoughtless accident

Friedrich Nietzsche: The Gay Science@Emmy van Deurzen 2015

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We cannot avoid all danger and all problems and need to learn to cope with adversity and difficulties: life is a challenge It is by going down into the abyss that we recover the treasures of life. Where you stumble lies your treasureJoseph Campbell@Emmy van Deurzen 2015

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There is no abstract ethics. There is only an ethics in a situation and therefore it is concrete. (Sartre, Notes For an Ethics:17)Learning to live is a moral struggle@Emmy van Deurzen 2015

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Is human emotional suffering avoidable?Or does the road of life inevitably take us through lows and into dark and scary places?@Emmy van Deurzen 2015

Is happiness desirable?Or does it soften us and stop us reflect on life?@Emmy van Deurzen 2015

Asking the Big Questions and learning to Reflect@Emmy van Deurzen 2015

How to live? What is truth? What is the ultimate value of life?@Emmy van Deurzen 2015

Nobody is spared crisis, Conflict or LOSSAre we ever prepared for the life changing challenges?@Emmy van Deurzen 2015

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Even if you play it safe and try to avoid catastrophes

You still need courage and persistence to brave unexpected blows of fate: many respond with anxiety and depression


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Facts: depression2-10% of European citizens experience depression related problemsEach year: 33.4 million Europeans sufferInability to feel pleasure, tiredness, worthlessness, helplessness, hopelessness and feelings of guiltMost suicides (30-88%) related to it60.000 deaths by suicide p.a. in the EU (2X > road acc)Most common cause of disability in the world, strongly associated with heart disease in linear causal fashionTotal cost p/a: UK: 15 billion USA: $100 billionLast decade: EU and WHO policy to promote mental health


Facts: anxietyOften considered in relation to stressEstimated 15.7 million Americans are affected each year12% of European population at any timeThe core features of GAD are chronic (>6 months) anxious worrying with symptoms of hyper vigilance, hyper arousal and tensionInternational study: 5.6 to 18.1% for anxiety disorders, of which GAD and panic disorder together accounted for over half of the prevalence figures (Baumeister & Hartner, 2007). But also Phobias, Panic, OCD, PTSD, SAD (social anx)NICE figures: cost of anxiety in EU: 41 billion Euros (2004 prices)Long term use of benzodiazepines (Xanax, Librium, Valium, Ativan): worsens it


Size and burden of mental disordersMost frequent disorders: anxiety (14%), insomnia (7%), major depression (6.9%), somatoform (6.3%), alcohol and drug dependency (4%), ADHD (5%) dementia (1-30%)38.2%, i.e. 164.8 million persons affected per year. Percentage of disorders of brain: 26.6%, headache, sleep apnoea, stroke (8.24), dementia, brain injury, epilepsy, parkinsons, ms, brain tumours (overlap)


Elsevier journal for neuropsychiatry cross European paper 2013. 72

People crave happiness and want to eliminate their symptomsin 2010 some 16 million prescriptions were issued for anti-depressants in the UK: a 10% rise on the previous year. Iceland: 9% @Emmy van Deurzen 2015

SSRIs: Happy pills?


SSRIs as panacea especially with anxiety, but also NRIs and SNRIsselective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (Fluoxetine, Prozac, Paxil, Zoloft) noradrenaline reuptake inhibitors (Reboxetine, Edronax, Mazanor)Serotonine- norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor (Venlafaxine) (anxiety, ADHD)From 2006 to 2010: 43% increase in prescriptions for the SSRI antidepressants

2009 BMJ paper titled "Explaining the rise in antidepressant prescribing: SSRIs are given for all sorts of problems

2000-2005: already 36% increase in SSRI @Emmy van Deurzen 2015

Unhappiness is not an illnessMany people take the view they deserve happiness

On this view, things like love, friendship, meaningful activity, freedom, human development, or the appreciation of true beauty are merely instrumentally valuable for us, i.e. they are not good as ends but merely as means to the only thing that is good as an end, namely happiness. Bengt Brulde 2006. @Emmy van Deurzen 2015

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Camus: Sisyphus plightEnable people to tackle the important issues

There is but one truly serious philosophical problem and that is whether life is or is not worth living. (Camus: The Myth of Sisyphus)

Is rolling the stone up the hill sufficient to fill a human heart?: meaning is found because of challenges, not despite them


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Project: active transcendence Man is characterized above all by his going beyond a situation and by what he succeeds in making of what he has been made. This is what we call the project.

(Sartre, Search for a Method:91)


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What happens when life is hard?Migrant mother in USA depression 1936


Buchenwald@Emmy van Deurzen 2015

Survival is an issue@Emmy van Deurzen 2015

ResilienceHow do we overcome obstacles?How do we survive difficulties, crises, trauma?How do we rise above adversity?Are there personal qualities that enable a person to be resilient?Think about times in your life when you have faced adversity, difficulty or crisis. How did you overcome them?@Emmy van Deurzen 2015

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Being lost and finding something newHeideggers aletheia (): truth means: unveiling the hidden In loss we become homeless, Unheimlich and are forced to find ourselves for the first time.


Laing:Breakthrough in stead of breakdown. Loss and transition are about breakdown of the old.Instead of breaking down and becoming depressed it can mean we break through some block and move on to a next level. In the process we become stronger. We establish values that are more deeply rooted. @Emmy van Deurzen 2015

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What is the harvest of our suffering?Ultimately, man should not ask what the meaning of his life is, but rather must recognize that it is he who is asked. In a word, each man is questioned by life; and he can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to life he can only respond by being responsible. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning, p.172


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Frankls way to meaningExperiential values: what we take from the world.Creative values: what we give to the world.Attitudinal values : the way we deal with suffering.@Emmy van Deurzen 2015

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How do we create meaning?What is of most value in your life?

What would you give other things up for?

What would you give your life for?@Emmy van Deurzen 2015


4.Physical: Umwelt

3.Social: Mitwelt



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Spiritual:Good/EvilIntuitions, values, beliefs, purpose, meaning.Worldview/Ideas.Personal:Strength/WeaknessThoughts, memories, identity, freedom.Selfhood/Me.

Social:Love/HateFeelings, relations, belonging, acknowledgement.Communication/Others. Physical:Life/DeathSensations, actions, environment, body, things.Survival/World.

Dimensions of existence@Emmy van Deurzen 2015

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Emotions are our orientation.Emotions are like the weather: never none.They are the way we relate to the world. They define the mood of the moment.They are our atmosphere and modality.They tell us how and where we are.They show us what we want and dont want Learn to tune in rather than tune out. @Emmy van Deurzen 2015

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We are lenses, prisms, the I is like the eyeWe refract light/lifeWe transform what we receive and either reflect it, absorb it, stop it, ward it off or pass it on in tact.We can also learn to magnify and illuminate it, refracting all its facets


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BefindlichkeitBefindlichkeit, attunement, disposition or state of mind: the way I find myself. The way I am situated in the world, disposed towards it. Affectedness: an implicit understanding of the world, not yet articulated. (later: understanding and language)

In an ontic fashion every moment of our experience will be coloured by a particular tonality, or mood (Stimmung).


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Different quality of experience at each dimension@Emmy van Deurzen 2015


How do we experience our world?We are lenses, prisms for light to refract. We allow light through, reflect it, magnify it, block it, divert it. We change the tone and mood and affect the world in turn.


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Tune into the feelings and moods that colour our worldviewThey create different atmospheres at different times.


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The colour of emotion@Emmy van Deurzen 2015

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Depressed worldview@Emmy van Deurzen 2015

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Four kinds of emotions@Emmy van Deurzen 2015

Threat to value: pride, jealousy, anger@Emmy van Deurzen 2015

Loss of value (despair, fear, sorrow): @Emmy van Deurzen 2015

Aspire to value: desire, envy, shame@Emmy van Deurzen 2015

Gain value: hope, love, joy@Emmy van Deurzen 2015

pridejealousyanger-despairfearsorrowshameenvyhope-desirelovejoySadnessLow

HappinessHigh

AnxietyExcitementEngagement

DepressionDisappointmentDisengagement


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Meaning and PurposeFind out what the inner landscape of a person is: what is meaningful to them. Find out what your purpose in life is.


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SocratesThe unreflective life is not worth living@Emmy van Deurzen 2015

AristotleEudaimonia: the good life : virtue ethicsShould benefit the community at large rather than only the individual Philosophy teacher's discourse with the pupil (client) should be a co-operative, critical one that insists on the virtues of orderliness, deliberateness and clarity


Aristotelian practice Pupils are taught to separate true beliefs from false beliefs and to modify and transform their passions accordinglyWinnowing and sifting opinionsVirtue ethics: live in line with the demon: force, power, spirit. @Emmy van Deurzen 2015

EpicureansThe Epicureans seek to treat human suffering by removing corrupting desires and by eliminating pain and disturbance (ataraxia). Adjust values retaining only those that are attainable and may bring pleasure.Relinquish the unobtainable and adjust expectations to what is realistic, so that with a slight of hand we can obtain what we think we want. @Emmy van Deurzen 2015

Stoics: overcoming weaknessOrdering of the self and soul Exercise of the mind Lack of moral fibre and emotional weaknessEverything is connected, but Stoics consider that different temperaments need different approaches and that there is a critical moment (kairos) for change : Zeno: virtue is its own reward@Emmy van Deurzen 2015

Skeptics Pyrrho of Elis (c. 360-275 B.C.)The Epicurean view is that pleasure is the only good and we are taught to adjust our needs so as to guarantee the procurement of pleasure from small natural resources. Skeptics: the only way to stop pain and suffering is to simply not believe in or desire anything. So whilst Epicureans try to get rid of false beliefs, the Skeptics want to get rid of all beliefs.


Stoic goalFor the Stoics the pupil's goal is to become his own teacher and pupilIn order to improve a person's life the soul must be exercised everyday, for instance by the use of logic and poetry The objective is wisdom, the only ultimate value and virtue and leads to eudaimonia, the flourishing life: wisdom, courage, justice, temperanceThe means: detachment and self-control : apathy@Emmy van Deurzen 2015

Spinoza-ethicsProp.VI. The mind has greater power over the emotions and is less subject thereto, in so far as it understands all things as necessary. (under a species of eternity)@Emmy van Deurzen 2015

Sartre Theory of EmotionsThe existence of desire as a human fact is sufficient to prove that human reality is a lack. (87)

Human reality is its own surpassing towards what it lacks; it surpasses itself toward the particular being which it would be if it were what it is. (89)


Sartres emotional theoryEmbodied human existence mobilizes itself towards or away from that which it desires or dreads. We can do magic in letting ourselves fall into emotion, thus transforming the world in bad faith.Difference between reflective and non reflective emotions.


CareJealousyAngerFearRejectionShameEnvyApproval

LoveAcceptanceIsolationSeparatenessBelongingOneness

Engagement

Disengagement

Emotional Compass@Emmy van Deurzen 2015

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GreedStinginessFrustrationDisgustPainNeedCravingExcitement

LustPleasureDeprivationEmptinessSatisfactionFullness

GainSurvivalsurprise

LossThreatshock

Sensory Compass@Emmy van Deurzen 2015

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SuperiorityStubbornnessDefianceDeflationHumiliationInferiorityAnxietyCourage

CommitmentConfidenceImperfectionWeaknessPerfectionStrength

Success

Failure

Mental Compass@Emmy van Deurzen 2015

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PridePrudenceWrathResignationDisillusionmentGuiltAspirationHope

ResolutenessBlissFutilityAbsurdityMeaning Purpose

Good

Evil

Moral Compass@Emmy van Deurzen 2015

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Tune into your sensations, feeling, thoughts and intuitions 124

We need problems and challenges: to learn and evolveCamus:

In the depth of winter I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer

Happiness is nothing except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads


Taoism: Yin (moon/dark/ female) and Yang (light/sun/male)


Chiaroscuro, clair-obscur, the light and shade of life


The art of living is to be equal to all emotions rather than to select only the pleasant ones@Emmy van Deurzen 2015

Anxiety as source of energyAnxiety is life energy rather than a symptom of illness

Anxiety individualizes. This individualization brings Dasein back from its falling, and makes manifest to it that authenticity and inauthenticity are possibilities of its Being. (Heidegger 1927:191@Emmy van Deurzen 2015

Making suffering meaningful

Processing is of prime importance. Assimilate crisis and make it meaningful.Process emotions, values, beliefsTranscend and overcome.Rise to the challengeFind the purpose and meaning in the suffering @Emmy van Deurzen 2015

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Spiritual:Integrate what has happened in world viewImprove rather than give up values, beliefs, purpose, meaning.Stick with what is true.Personal:Allow the event to strengthen your character Express thoughts and memories. Regain a sense of freedom in relation to adversity.Learn to yield as well as be resolute.Social:Seek to go beyond hateful and destructive relations by isolation and avoidance tillReconciliation is possible. Seek belonging with like minded allies.Communicate your emotions without reproach, resentment, bitterness. Physical:Seek safety when under threat. Trust and heed sensations of stress. Find natural environment that can soothe as well as expand your horizons.

OVERCOMING TRAUMA@Emmy van Deurzen 2015

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Loving your Life

Loving your fate and destiny in all its manifestations (Nietzsches Amor Fati)

Challenges and difficulties are not the enemy, nor to be avoided but rather to be welcomed as grist for the mill and par for the course: life as an adventure. @Emmy van Deurzen 2015

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Bringing down emotional intensity: painting the world pale or in pastel shades


Going beyond happinessHappiness as a high is doomed: every high is followed by a low. Constant pleasure leads to addiction and misery.Happiness as contentment may be more feasible, but could easily lead to mediocrity and lack of awareness. Beyond the quest for happiness is the quest for right living. This is not just about meaning and purpose but about truth, being, nothingness, learning and evolution, dialectically integrating paradox. @Emmy van Deurzen 2015

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What helps?Those who have experienced trauma do better if they have good social support.

They do significantly better if they have integrity and a sense of wholeness. (to survive trauma you either need good conscience or no conscience at all)

The conflict or trauma has to be put to good use.

There has to be a safe place one can retreat to.

It makes a big difference whether you can take some responsibility for your fate.

It helps if you feel your trauma is in some ways a proof of your character or a building block of it.

If you can claim the crisis as part of your success rather than evidence of failure and bad character: making it count!


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ProjectMan is characterized above all by his going beyond a situation and by what he succeeds in making of what he has been made. This going beyond we find at the very root of the human-in need. (scarcity)This is what we call the project. (elementary objective, original intention)(Sartre, Search for a Method:91)


Ritas GriefWhen I speak to Rita, who is grieving over her husband and small son who have perished in a car accident, the words that I say to her at first hardly reach her. She is in a place of relative safety deep inside of herself, in a state of suspended animation behind the faade that she turns to the world. She barely engages with people at all. @Emmy van Deurzen 2015

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Ritas grief 2At first it is not my words that make the link to her world, but the consistency that I can offer in being attentive and careful to not hurt her further or push her too hard. I spend nearly half an hour in relative silence with Rita, at times formulating her fear on her behalf, gently, tentatively, checking for verification by noting her response. @Emmy van Deurzen 2015

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Ritas grief 3Mostly the work consists of me letting myself be touched by her suffering and learning to tolerate her pain with her, so that I can offer reactions and words that soothe and move her forward to a place where she can begin to face what has happened to her so shockingly out of the blue. In this process she guides me and exposes more and more of her nightmarish universe to me as she perceives me as capable of venturing further into it with her. @Emmy van Deurzen 2015

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Bringing down emotional intensity






RitaWorld PhysicalSocial Personal SpiritualUmweltTake interest in objects, space Meet othersRelate to own body againRecognize valueMitweltLeave dead behind Love dead stillFind self validFind others validEigenweltRecover sense of self careRediscover loveLove self Find project UberweltMake sense of disaster Life with others is worthwhile I am me and this mattersThere is a purpose to it all


Overview of conflicts, challenges and paradoxes on four dimensionsWorldUmwelt Mitwelt EigenweltUberwelt PhysicalNature:Life/DeathThings:Pleasure/Pain Body:Health/IllnessCosmos:Harmony/Chaos

Social Society:Love/HateOthers:Dominance/SubmissionEgo:Acceptance/RejectionCulture:Belonging/IsolationPersonalPerson:Identity/FreedomMe:Perfection/ImperfectionSelf:Integrity/DisintegrationConsciousness:Confidence/ ConfusionSpiritual:

Infinite:Good/EvilIdeas:Truth/UntruthSpirit:Meaning/FutilityConscience:Right/Wrong


Dimension Positive Purpose NegativeConcern Minimal Goal Optimal ValuePhysical:Health IllnessFitnessVitality PleasurePain Safety Well Being Strength WeaknessEfficacyAbility LifeDeath Survival ExistenceSocialSuccessFailureSkill ContributionBelongingIsolation KinshipLoyalty AcceptanceRejectionRecognitionCooperation LoveHateRespectReciprocityPersonal IdentityConfusion IndividualityIntegrityPerfection Imperfection AchievementExcellenceIndependenceDependencyAutonomy Liberty ConfidenceDoubtPoiseClaritySpiritual GoodEvil ResponsibilityTransparencyTruth UntruthReality AuthenticityMeaningAbsurdity SenseValue Purpose RandomnessPossibility Freedom


Rising above your emotionsAbove the clouds the weather is steady even when it rains below.Transcending our own situation and emotions allows us to understand our own response. @Emmy van Deurzen 2015

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Potentiality is more than actualityFrom project to action in our own lives. Plotting a route through the obstaclesPotentiality of past as well as of the present and future.Living in time: transcendence @Emmy van Deurzen 2015

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Emotional well being and joy of livingAn ability to creatively encounter problems, challenges and crises.Capacity for re-establishing equilibrium through strong, dynamic centre of narrative gravity. Enhanced enjoyment of life, appreciation of physical world, others, self-worth and meaning.


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Rely on your capacity to face whatever may come. @Emmy van Deurzen 2015

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Values and actions to aim for

Earning your keep with your own labourUnderstanding othersPondering your own motivationsReflecting on your lifeLiving true to your own valuesLiving in line with the purpose and truth of human existence. Contributing more to the world than you take from it. Respecting nature and the universeMaking your life matter Loving as much as you can. Being prepared for change and transformation. Knowing when to be resolute and when to let go. Having rules to live by and change them when necessary.


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Background action to make life right.

to be healthy and look after your body the best way possible. to enjoy what is free in the world and be close to natureto be loving with others and care for someone deeply. to respect and esteem yourself and make sure others do too. to find concrete goals worth putting your whole energy into. to learn to question things and not take anything for grantedto find life interesting and relish every minuteto be prepared to let things go and be ready to die to strive for wisdom and excellenceto be content and find routines that satisfy you to achieve something, whatever, and leave the world a better place than you found it.@Emmy van Deurzen 2015

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Optimal livingAll living things are struggling for existence, even unwittingly and unwillingly. They struggle passively just to exist, to be left in what seems to be peace and quiet; and they struggle actively to grow and to expand. (Jaspers,1951:204) @Emmy van Deurzen 2015

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Tillich, 1966:15


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DESIRES

FEARS

VALUES

PHYSICAL

life

death

vitality

SOCIAL

love

hate

reciprocity

PERSONAL

identity

freedom

integrity

SPIRITUAL

good

evil

transparency

Human values rediscovered.


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Kierkegaards paradoxPersonhood is a synthesis of possibility and necessity. Its continued existence is like breathing (respiration), which is an inhaling and exhaling.Kierkegaard, Sickness unto Death: 40


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Magritte:Empire of Lights.Learning to live with paradox and the tensions of life@Emmy van Deurzen 2015

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Checklist of existential therapy1. Collaboration, liberty and equality 2. Uncovering the implicit 3. Themes and personal predicaments 4. Four worlds and emotional compass5. Projects, values, fears and tensions6. Complexity; connectivity7. Structural analysis: clarity 8. Meanings: hermeneutics, heuristic practice9. Paradoxes: positives and negatives10. Dialectics: human evolution and transcendence11. Liberation and freedom 12. Savouring life: both resolution and letting be.



Life has many layers and is complicated160

When it is dark enough, you can see the stars. Ralph Waldo Emerson@Emmy van Deurzen 2015

Eventually: Earth Rises again1968 picture from Apollo mission@Emmy van Deurzen 2015

www.nspc.org.ukwww.existentialacademy.comwww.emmyvandeurzen.comwww.societyofpsychotherapy.org.uk

www.existentialpsychotherapy.netwww.icecap.org.ukwww.dilemmas.orgFacebook and LinkedIn: Existential Therapy


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A H A N D B O O K O F E X I S T E N T I A L P S Y C H O T H E R A P Y

M Y S T E R I E SE V E R Y D A Y

E M M Y V A N D E U R Z E N

S e c o n d E d i t i o n

Edited by Emmy van Deurzen and Sarah Young

Widening the Horizon ofPsychotherapy and Counselling

ExistentialPerspectives on

Supervision

A H A N D B O O K O F E X I S T E N T I A L P S Y C H O T H E R A P Y

M Y S T E R I E SE V E R Y D A Y

E M M Y V A N D E U R Z E N

S e c o n d E d i t i o n

Truth is found in the midst of struggle and destiny, not as Plato taught, in an unchanging beyond. (Tillich,1966:15)

existential therapy: an introduction

Education