In The WorkplaceDr. Raymond Torrenti

What You Will Learn• A Definition of Emotional Intelligence

• The Four Areas of Emotional Intelligence

• How to Perceive and Name Emotions in Self & Others

• Managing Emotions in Self and Relationships

• Why Emotional Intelligence is Important at Work

• How Low Emotional Intelligence Show Up at Work

• Five Ways to Improve Emotional Intelligence at Work

• Skills for Increasing Emotional Intelligence

What is Emotional Intelligence? Emotional Intelligence (EQ or EI) is a term created by two researchers – Peter Salavoy and John Mayer – and popularized by Dan Goleman in his 1996 book of the same name.

It is defined as the ability to:

The ability to be aware of, name, and manage one’s emotions

The ability to be aware of, name, and understand other’s emotions

The ability to relate to others in effective ways both personally and professionally

In practical terms, this means being aware that emotions can drive our behavior and impact people (positively and negatively), and learning how to manage those emotions – both our own and others – especially when we are under pressure.

Three Capacities of Emotional Intelligence

• Self-Reflection

• Self-Regulation

• Empathy

These form the foundation for all competencies and skills. They provide the ability for us to adjust to change, maintain our commitments to people, help us find satisfaction in relationships, and create balance in our emotional lives.

How Do I Perceive and Name Emotions in Me?

What Are Emotions? What Good are Emotions? What Function Do Emotions Serve? How Do Emotions Get Formed? How to Perceive & Accurately Name Emotions Self-Compassion & Self-Validation

How Do I Perceive and Name Emotions in Others?

Six Universal Emotions Various Expressions of Emotions Barriers to Perceiving Emotions in Others Taking Interest & Validating Other’s Viewpoints & Concerns Non-judgement - Equanimity

Six Universal Emotions

Six Universal Emotions

Perceiving and Naming Emotions in Others

Be Attentive & Observe Others Notice Your Intuition & Feelings Notice Facial Expressions Notice Body Language Notice Tone of Voice Effective Listening Validate Viewpoints & Concerns Acknowledge Their Unique Experiences and Feelings

Barriers to Perceiving Emotions in Others

Self-Reference

Self-Absorbed In Your Own Thoughts & Feelings

Lack of Empathy & Compassion & Interest

Devalues Emotions (in self or others)

Ashamed or Uncomfortable with Emotions

Avoidance - Don’t Know How to Respond

How Do I Regulate Distressing Emotions?

Emotion Dis-regulation Skills to Regulate Emotions Be in the Present Moment Wise Mind - In Making Decisions & Taking Action Radical Acceptance - Serenity Adaptability, Flexibility, Openness to Change

How Do I Manage Relationships with Skill & Effectiveness?

Effective Listening and Communication Assertiveness Skills Validate BOTH Your Viewpoint and the Other’s Viewpoint Influence Others with Persuasion NOT Harsh Conversion Conflict Management - Know the Rules Be Aware of Common Goals Respect, Courtesy, Compassion, Kindness, Professional

Relationship Interactions• Keep a common goal or objective in view, when possible

• Three possible outcomes–no, yes, hybrid

• Avoid clinging to an outcome while interacting with others

• Multiple Rights and Wrongs in the Universe

• The outcome could be ‘no’ – radical acceptance

• Interact with Wise Mind

• Value the other’s viewpoint – they have a right to it

• Value your own viewpoint – you have a right to it

• “I” statements only – you can only know yourself

Why Is Emotional Intelligence Important at Work?

• Helps Manage Stress

• Enhances Cooperation and Teamwork

• Higher Performance and Potential For Promotion

• Job Success and Satisfaction

• Inspires Others

• Creates and Healthy Work Environment

• Maintains Higher Job Retention

• What portion of the decisions you make are emotional versus rational?

• We decide 100% of everything emotionally then spend hours, weeks, and months justifying them logically

• 67% of all competencies deemed essential for high performance are related to emotional intelligence

• Emotional intelligence matter twice as much as one’s technical knowledge for higher performance

How Does Low Emotional Intelligence Show Up at Work?• Blaming others

• Victim statements “If only he/she would…”

• Complaining to everyone about someone without directly addressing it with the person

• Gossip, character assaults, office politics, drama, jealously of others

• Inability to hear critical feedback

• Diverse opinions are not welcome or valued

• Passive, aggressive, or passive-aggressive communication

• Lack of gratitude, respect, and appreciation for others

• Managers do not listen and become out of touch with those they lead

Take Away ThoughtsIncreasing emotional intelligence can be done by anyone throughout life, but it takes effort and continual practice. The reward is evident in lower stress, higher career achievement, and greater satisfaction in all relationships.

Start small and expand Be open and curious Unlearn old emotional patterns & learn new ones When you fail, practice self-compassion, learn, and move on Cultivate awareness, observation, noticing, and mindfulness in yourself and those around you Practice being in the present moment Practice lovingkindness, compassion, gratitude, appreciation