Economics in one easy lesson

The cow model of economics

Socialism:

You have two cows and you give one to your neighbor.

Communism:

You have two cows.

The government takes both and gives you some milk.

Fascism:

You have two cows.

The government takes both and sells you the milk.

Nazism:

You have two cows.

The government takes both and shoots you.

Anarchism:

You have two cows.

The cows decide you have no right to do anything with their

milk and leave to form their own society.

Anarchism:

You have two cows.

You steal your neighbor's bull and ignore the government.

Anarchism:

You have two cows.

You keep the cows and steal another one. You ignore the

government.

Anarchism:

You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors

try to take the cows and kill you.Anarchism: You have two cows. Your neighbor hits you over the head with a brick, steals your cows, then shoots them for fun. You later discover that

he is a Nazi.

Bureaucracy:

You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can

feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then

it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out

forms accounting for the missing cows.

Bureaucracy:

You have two cows.

To register them, you fill in 17 forms in triplicate and don't

have time to milk them.

Capitalism:

You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. You

herd multiplies and the economy grows. You sell them

and retire.

Surrealism:

You have two giraffes. The government requires you to

take harmonica lessons.

Communism -- Soviet:You have two cows. You count them and

realize you have four cows. You drink more Vodka. You count the cows again and realize you have eleventy six cows.

You drink even more Vodka. After a while, you realize that eleventy isn't a

real number. You count the cows again and have two cows. You open another

bottle of Vodka and try to drown the loss of eleventy four cows.

Democracy:

You have two cows.

They outvote you 2-1 to ban all meat and dairy products.

You go bankrupt.

An American corporation:

You have two cows. You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later you

hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.

A French Corporation:

You have two cows.

You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads

because you want three cows.

A Japanese corporation:

You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the

size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty-times the milk. You then create a cartoon cow image called “Cowkimon” and

market it world-wide.

A German corporation:

You have two cows.

You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

A Turkish corporation:

You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are. You decide to have lunch.

A Swiss Corporation:

You have two cows.

None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for

storing them.

A Chinese Corporation:You have two cows. You have 300

people milking them. You claim that you have full-employment,

and high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who

reported the real situation.

An Indian corporation:

You have two cows.

You worship them.

A British Corporation.

You have two cows.

Both are mad.

An Australian Corporation:

You have two cows.

Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for

a few beers.

A New Zealand Corporation:

You have two cows and 47 million sheep.

A White House Corporation

You have two cows.

Both of which are in secret locations, the reason for which

you will not divulge due to executive privilege.

An Iraqi Corporation:

Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have

none. No one believes you so they bomb and invade your

country. You still have no cows, but at least you have democracy.