Tough, Tender andTransformationalA Tool for MinistryEI and the Pastorate:a system for managing emotions and creating positive outcomes
Delbert W. Baker, PhD, Oakwood UniversitySouthern Union Conference MinisteriumDaytona Beach, Florida
Past and
Present
Ministerial
Context
Pastors in Transition: Why Clergy Leave Local Church Ministryby Dean Hoge and Jacqueline Wenger Wm B Eerdman’s Pub Co: Grand Rapids, MI, © 2005
The most prevalent reason clergy leave local church ministry is moving on to another kind of ministry. Joy and optimism often accompany the minister through this vocational change. The next three most prevalent reasons for leaving are polar opposite experiences: 1) leaving due to conflict in the congregation, 2) due to burnout, or 3) due to conflict with one’s denomination. Hoge and Wenger describe more fully each of these leavings.
Conflict in the congregation most often revolves around finances, leadership style, changes in worship style, renovation issues, and staff conflicts.These are listed in descending order for frequency. The researchers discovered two recurrent themes in congregation conflicts leading to clergy leaving.
*First, even churches who say they want to grow are often unwilling to tolerate the changes necessary to do so.
*Second, when conflict is present in the congregations, a pervasive assumption exists that this must be (at least partly) the pastor’s fault.
Wise clergy stay aware of these two dynamics as they interact with the congregational system.
Never, ever think outside the box!
Outside-the-Box
Three Objectives1. Demonstrate how EI is an effective tool for
the Minister who wants to be effective.
2. Provide an overview of EI from the Bible and Spirit of Prophecy.
3. Create motivation for the use EI principles.
Overall Objective: Show that EI facilitates a successful Christ-centered ministry.
Emotions
Identify emotions?
Emotional HOT BUTTON?Emotional HOT BUTTON?-What ticks you off the
most?-What ticks you off the
most?-What tempts you to lose
it?-What tempts you to lose
it?
YOUR GREATEST . . .YOUR GREATEST . . .
The Pastor’s Need and the Greatest of
Gifts . . .
The Pastor Alpha’s sagaPastor Alpha is educated, knowledgeable, impressive looking , with an ideal spouse.
He seems like the ideal pastor with great potential.
Unfortunately, his ministry is experiencing problems and is showing tale-tell danger signs.
Pastor Alpha’s problem: He is running into people problems because he lacks the emotional skills necessary to relate successfully to others.
(Even if not this extreme, everyone can increase their EI and experience improvement in their relationships.)
Challenge“Our greatest duty to
God and man is
that of self-improvement.”
Ellen White
Emotional Intelligence and MinistryThere is hope for anyone having the Pastor Alpha Syndrome! And for those who want to increase their ability to relate to others successfully.
Integrating emotional intelligence (EI) principles in your ministry in the context of Bible and Spirit of Prophecy principles can facilitate transformation in the life of the Pastor and Christian worker.
So EI is a tool that, with the help of the Holy Spirit, will give you a handle on how to discover what you are doing right and what you need to improve.
Skills expected in ministryBiblical knowledge Preaching & teaching
Leadership ability Management (i.e., financial)
Communication expertise Evangelism (soul-winning)
Spiritual formation proficiency Church growth principles
Professional ethics Denominational polity
These traits are often termed pastoral hard skills.
Skills expected in ministryInterpersonal skills Ability to motivate
Helping Conflict management
Personal humility Fruits of the Spirit
Conducive environment Loving service
Diversity sensitivity Lay empowerment
These traits are often termed soft skills.
EQ and IQCompared
How well you use intelligence
Defines how intelligent you are
Gets you promoted Gets you hired
Can develop and increase Essentially is the same from birth
A Biblical Perspective of EI
Emotional Intelligence (EI)Definition—”the capacity to recognize and manage our own feelings and to respond to the feelings of others in such a manner as to create positive outcomes.”
Few skills are as important to a Christian worker as the spiritually based ability to understand and relate to one’s own emotions and the emotions of others.
Pastor Alpha lacks emotional intelligence.
Emotional Intelligence (EI)“We are judged by a new yardstick: not just by how smart we are, or by our training and expertise, but also by how well we handle ourselves and each other.”
Daniel Goleman, author of Working withEmotional Intelligence and Primal Leadership
Having emotional intelligence is twice as important for leadership performance as having IQ and technical skills combined.
Universal and Timeless Principles
Biblical and Spirit of Prophecy Basis for EIMinistry is about people.
Loving and relating to diverse people is at the heart of an effective ministry.
The ministry of Jesus—the true model of leadership—was intertwined with people.
“He who seeks to transform humanity must himself understand humanity. Only through sympathy, faith, and love can men be reached and uplifted.” (EG White)
Crucial: Knowledge, abilities, and skills are important, but they can’t be separated from the centrality of sound emotional intelligence.
Paul highlighted the importance of the leader’s emotional intelligence.
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.” (Gal. 5:22-25, NIV)
Crucial: Emotional intelligence originates with the Holy Spirit but needs to be cultivated and nurtured in the life of the believer.
Biblical and Spirit of Prophecy Basis for EI
Paul also identified emotionally unintelligent qualities.
“The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.” (Gal. 5:19-21, NIV)
Crucial: These are emotions and actions that need to be avoided.
Biblical and Spirit of Prophecy Basis for EI
Other biblical counsel:
Peter’s principles of spiritual development: Brotherly kindness and love are at the top. (2 Peter 1:3-10)
Paul prioritizes love above all else (1 Cor. 13)
“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.” (Philippians 4:8, NIV)
Crucial: Next to loving God, loving and relating authentically and sensitively to others is the primary responsibility of a Christian.
Biblical and Spirit of Prophecy Basis for EI
The Spirit of Prophecy speaks to EI:
Law of Mutual Dependence: “We are all woven together in the great web of humanity, and whatever we can do to benefit and uplift others will reflect in blessing upon ourselves. The law of mutual dependence runs through all classes of society.” PP 534, 535 (1890)
Law of Beneficial Service: “In the Lord's plan human beings have been made necessary to one another. If all would do their utmost to help those who need their help, their unselfish sympathy and love, what a blessed work might be done. To everyone God has entrusted talents. These talents we are to use to help one another to walk in the narrow path. In this work each one is connected with the other, and all are united with Christ. It is by unselfish service that we improve and increase our talent.” 2MCP 431 (1903)
Biblical and Spirit of Prophecy Basis for EI
Emotional intelligence provides a platform and context for love to demonstrate itself(1 Corinthians. 13).
When a pastor models love, authenticity and encourages members toward spirituality, the church grows and develops.
Conversely, if the pastor models selfishness and negative attitudes, spirituality suffers and vitality plummets.
Biblical and Spirit of Prophecy Basis for EI
1. (E) Barnabus 2. (OA) Jethro3. (SO) Dorcas
II. (SeM) Joseph
4. (ESC) Job
5. (T) Samuel
6. (C) John the Baptist
7. (A) Simon of Cyrene
8. (O) Caleb
9. (AO) Solomon
10. (I) NoahIII. (SoA) Daniel /11. (ESA) Jeremiah
12. (ASA) Deborah
13. (SC) Paul
IV. (SoS) Nehemiah/14. (DO) Moses
15. (IL) Joshua
16. (I) Esther
17. (C) Stephen
18. (CC) Abraham
19. (CM) Abigail
20. (BB) John
21. (TC) JonathanI. (SeA) David
BIBLE CHARACTERS WHO DEMONSTRATED NOTABLE EI
Components of EI
Mastery and Awareness of the Personaland Social Competencies (19) of EI form the bedrock of how well we get along and demonstrate love and respect to others.
Social AwarenessSocial Awareness
Relationship managementRelationship management
Self-awarenessSelf-awareness
Self-managementSelf-management
Self-Awareness
Self-Awareness
SocialAwareness
SocialAwareness
Self-Management
Self-Management
RelationshipManagementRelationshipManagement
1. EmotionalSelf-Awareness
2. Accurate Self-Assessment
3. Self-Confidence
10. Empathy11. Organizational
Awareness12. Service
4. Emotional Self-Control5. Transparency6. Adaptability7. Achievement 8. Initiative9. Optimism
13. Inspirational Leadership14. Influence15. Developing Others16. Change Catalyst17. Conflict Management18. Building Bonds19. Teamwork and
Collaboration
Three (3)Competencies
Three (3)Competencies
Six (6)Competencies
Six (6)Competencies
Three (3)Competencies
Three (3)Competencies
Seven (7)Competencies
Seven (7)Competencies
Nineteen (19) EI Competencies to Exponentially Enhance Your Ministry
Nineteen (19) EI Competencies to Exponentially Enhance Your Ministry
The Goal: Manage Your EmotionsThe emotionally intelligent person can take charge of his or her emotions.
Emotions ebb and flow naturally unless you sustain them with your thoughts.
Managing how you think, talk or act out your feelings will dramatically affect your emotional intensity!
Stanford U.Marshmallow Study (1960s)
Four year old’shad to pick:
One (1) Marshmallow
now
or
Two (2) in 15 minutes (1/3)
Delayed gratification(self discipline)
ke
“Kids who waited (waiters vs grabbers) 14 years later scored an average of 210 points better on SAT scores!”
(Walter Mischel)
y to long term success!
How EI works
Greater MasteryGreater ResultsGreater MasteryGreater MasteryGreater ResultsGreater Results
Mind over Mood
Moods
Physical Reaction
Thoughts
Cognitive Dissonance
Possible Leadership Career Obstacles
Possible Leadership Career Obstacles
Top Down Attitude
Paperwork Before People
Acidic Negativity
Organization Rigidity
Oblivious to Misfit
Failing to Focus
Dictatorship Decision Making
Dirty Delegation
Missing Cues
Communication Chaos
Emotional Intelligence and Ministry
Everyday you deal — effectively or ineffectively — with EI in every aspect of your ministry?
When an emotion like satisfaction, anxiety, or frustration is experienced, the human brain is programmed to respond to the threat and an emotional response is triggered. However, acting on that first impulse can lead you to say and do things you later regret. EI means that while you acknowledge your instinctive emotional responses, you don’t act on them reflexively.But you step back from the situation and let rational thought influence your actions.
Emotionally, you act intelligent versus unintelligent.
EventEvent
Response (Emotion)
IntelligentOr
Ignorant
Thoughts vs. Feelings• Without feedback from the body, emotions are
indistinguishable from thoughts
Conscious mind contacts Limbic system for emotional reaction
Hypothalamus causes:
Person interprets the emotion according to situation (shakes, muscle tension, butterflies…)
Limbic System contacts Hypothalamus
-Release/inhibition of neurotransmitters-Hormones are pumped out-Heartbeat, blood pressure, etc. altered
Emotional Intelligence and MinistryEI and the mental process
Effective learning for emotional competence has to retune mental circuits and make them work for and not against you.
How to Incorporate EI?
“EI Ministry Change Model”
ACCEPTPEOPLE…
ADMIT NEEDFOR CHANGE
TRANS-FORMATION
EXPANDEI HORIZON
STRATEGYFOR CHANGE
EI Progress & Success
EMO
TIO
NAL
INTE
LLIG
ENC
E D
EVEL
OP…
“A strong man knows how to use his strength, but a person with knowledge is even more powerful.”Proverbs 24:5 (GW)
SIX EI PASTORAL LEADERSHIP STYLES
The leader modus operandi
The style in phase
Underlying emotional intelligence tendencies
When the style works best
Overall impact on climate
VISIONARYVISIONARY
Mobilizes people toward a vision
“Come with me.”
Self-confidence, empathy, change catalyst
Strongly PositiveStrongly Positive
COACHINGCOACHING
Develops people for the future
“Try this.”
Developing others, empathy, self-awareness
To help an employee improve performance or develop long-term strengths
Positive Positive
AFFILIATIVEAFFILIATIVE DEMOCRATICDEMOCRATIC
Creates harmony builds emotional bonds
Forges consensus through participation
Sets high standards for performance
“People come first.”
“What do you think?”
“Do as I do, now!”
Empathy, building relationship, communication
Empathy, building relationship, communication
Conscien-tiousness, drive to achieve, initiative
To heal rifts in a team or to motivate people during stressful circumstances
To build buy-in or consensus, or to get input from valuable employees
To get quick results from a highly motivated and competent team
PositivePositive PositivePositive NegativeNegative
COMMANDINGCOMMANDING
Demands immediate compliance
“Do what I tell you!”
Drive to achieve, initiative, self control
In a crisis to kick start a turnaround, or with problem employees
NegativeNegative
PACESETTINGPACESETTING
When changes require a new vision, when a clear direction is needed
Evaluate/Pay Attention to Your Ministry
SUMMARYPastor Alpha’s EI Growth
STEP 1: Evaluate/Pay Attention to Your MinistryOnly about 20 percent of a given group of people are committed to personal change.
Often it takes a crisis to bring about the realization that a leader is having problems and needs to change.
Change must begin with the person.
People learn what they want to learn and when they want to learn it.
Pastor Alpha must have the interest, motivation, and commitment to see the need and admit the deficit in his ministry.
Helpful indicators of need to changeFrequent disagreementsLack of cooperationFeelings of isolationAnxietyDisruption of devotional lifeLowering of spiritual standardsConstant reoccurrence of career roadblocks
Pastor Alpha can develop the ability to spiritually discern personal danger areas.
STEP 1: Evaluate/Pay Attention to Your Ministry
Make a Decision to Change
SUMMARYPastor Alpha’s EI Growth
Evaluate/Pay Attention to Your Ministry
I hear...and I forgetI see...and I rememberI do...and I understand
Chinese Proverb
Thirteen Pastoral Emotionally UnIntelligent Practices
Criticism
Dictatorship
Failing to listen
Failing to communicate
Inferior attitude
Lack of delegation
Manipulation
Mind blind to idiosyncrasies
Unconscious to personal faults
Negativity
Projects before people
Rigidity
Superior attitude
Crucial: These are emotions and actions that Pastor Alpha needs to avoid.
STEP 2: Note EI Benefits & Make a Decision to Change
Spiritual discipline
The Holy Spirit can nourish leaders through prayer, Bible study, service, stewardship, and fellowship with believers.
Spiritual discipline provides the energy and authenticity to achieve the positive effects of emotional intelligence.
If necessary, get a confidential partner . . .
Emotional intelligence is a primary tool to effect authentic relational improvements in a spiritual leader.
STEP 2: Note EI Benefits & Make a Decision to Change
Decide what You Want to Do/Be and Make a Decision to
Change
SUMMARYPastor Alpha’s EI Growth
Evaluate/Pay Attention to Your Ministry-Good & Bad
Implement Plan to Change, take Immediate Action with Accountability
Acknowledging your/others strengths and weaknesses
without condemnation is a key sign of Emotional Intelligence.
STEP 3: Implement Plan to Change, take Immediate Action with Accountability
Three-part change strategy (HIT):
1 – Honestly assess (get input) your current EI state.
2 – Imagine your desired EI goal or ideal state.
3 – Target/implement plan to achieve ideal EI state.
Hope+Obedience+Providence+EI= CHANGE
Current State
Current State
Ideal State
Ideal State
GoalGoal
Implementation Plan
Implementation Plan
EvaluationEvaluation
Tension
STEP 3: Implement Plan to Change, take Immediate Action with Accountability
Powerful Techniques/Principlesthat can Make an EI Difference
BARE Emotional Necessities
Balance: Accept head & heart tension—decision
Awareness: Recognize & accept your own emotions
Responsibility: Own motivating fears & desires
Empathy: Identify with others feelings, dilemmas, be aware & be sensitive
HALT Attack Signals
•Hungry: Be aware of health & physical condition
•Angry: Be careful-mad/bad emotions
•Lonely: Be in tune to vulnerability sting
•Tired: Be wary of fatigue & low energy
It is good to breathe deeply in the open air.
We do not need more than several minutes a day, but it is vital.
This is needed on the inside – about six glasses a day between meals. And on the outside – bathing or showering regularly
It is equally important to get adequate rest. The batteries must
be recharged.
Most sicknesses originate in a disturbed mind. The relationship between a troubled mind and a
diseased body is real. When we trust God we experience peace of mind.
Modern man has neglected this very important feature of healthful living.
This neglect has resulted in much disease. Brisk walking daily for at least 20 minutes
is the best exercise.
True temperance is moderation in that which is good, and total
abstinence in that which is harmful.
Correct eating is vital. We are what we eat.
“CREATION” ModelFlorida Hospital/Celebration Health Approach
Powerful Techniques/Principlesthat can Make an EI Difference
BARE Emotional Necessities
Balance: Accept head & heart tension—decision
Awareness: Recognize & accept your own emotions
Responsibility: Own motivating fears & desires
Empathy: Identify with others feelings, dilemmas, be aware & be sensitive
PFAT Self and Group Scan
•Physical: Heart, mouth, palms, teeth
•Feelings: Anxious, tense, defensive, scared, worried
•Appearance: Yell, glaring, lunging, bawl, avoiding, sheepish
•Thinking: Protest, defending, discredit, redeeming, denying
HALT Attack Signals
•Hungry: Be aware of health & physical condition
•Angry: Be careful of mad/bad motives
•Lonely: Be in tune to vulnerability sting
•Tired: Be wary of fatigue & low energy
Workshops/Seminars
Minimalresults
Post-Session Training
Some behavioral results
IndividualDevelop-ment
Sustained individual performance improvement
Integrated Initiatives with Coaching Measurement
Critical mass for sustained group performance improvement
OrganizationaInterven-tions
Sustained organizationalimprovement
Improving and sustaining Emotional Intelligence takes a concerted effort; it’s like losing weight —you will see results but you can never let up!
STEP 3: Implement Plan to Change, take Immediate Action with Accountability
Make a change before it’s too LATE.L - Learn the EI Concepts
A - Assess Yourself Honestly
T - Target Strategic Areas for Improvement; Trust a friend to support, hold accountable
E - Embrace the Development Tip; Resources: Bible, SP, Other counseling; Then stick with the process—don’t give up!
Remember, it is effortful; let it be an adventure!
STEP 3: Implement Plan to Change, take Immediate Action with Accountability
Decide what You Want to Do/Be and Make a Decision to Change
SUMMARYPastor Alpha’s EI Growth Plan
Evaluate/Pay Attention to Your Ministry-Good & Bad
Implement Plan to Change, take Immediate Action with Accountability
Pastor Alpha has acted on the three steps for positive change and has started to see progress:
He realized his unawareness of his own emotions.
He decided to make and change and prayed about it.
He now focuses more on the moment and on people.
He asks for feedback on his emotions and actions.
He has increased his emotional self-awareness and self-control through deliberate self-assessment.
He has increased the level of teamwork and collaboration.
Pastor Alpha’s Solution!
By the grace of God though the power of the Holy Spirit, coupled with personal effort, Pastor Alpha has change and his ministry is transformed!
Helpful Resources
Resources on EI LEADERSHIPResources on EI LEADERSHIP
Resources on LEADERSHIPResources on LEADERSHIP
Resources on Self ImprovementResources on Self Improvement
Leadership Classic:Servant LeadershipRobert Greenleaf
Leadership Classic:Christian Leadership
Ellen White
Resources on Servant LEADERSHIPResources on Servant LEADERSHIP
Dr. Delbert W. BakerOffice of the President
Oakwood College7000 Adventist Blvd., N.W.Huntsville, Alabama 35896
(256) 726-7334www.oakwood.edu