Download - The WorkZine: Issue 41

IOANNIS GATSIOUNIS

issue 41 || February 2012

January blues

This is not in myJob Description

2 www.theworkzine.com issue 41 february 2012

WhitneyHouston{1963-2012}

3www.theworkzine.comissue 41 february 2012

Editor’s Word

Verbatim

in this issue

the team

The 41st issue is here and January has eneded. Now the year can begin. For those who have those valen-tine things to do , ideas abound but I would advise to keep it simple. After all we are in a global depression unless you are an oil sheikh.

We have introduced a new column called Language Corner which will be featuring an article in a non-english language every issue. This time round, we have Vietnamese ….. use google translate ?

Enjoy

Businge Abid Weere, Editor

“Traditional systems of education churn out robots who tomorrow will apply for jobs and will have no useful skills to offer their prospective employers. As such, all new recuits into a company today are taken through pe-

riods of orientation where they are taught the basic of how to do the work. Honestly, why not just recruit 12 year olds and orient them too? I suspect the result will be the same. Its also not like these jobs are that hard to do anyway. The average video game today requires more problem and puzzle solving skills to play than your typical 9 to 5 banking job. Today’s professionals take them-selves too seriously, refusing to admit that the jobs they do, with all due respect, can be done by kids - assuming those kids are also given the same on-the-job training and orientation.

It is unfortunate that we are required by law to subject our chil-dren to this useless system. For now I guess we have no choice but to request them to endure it, while trying to find ways to offer them a more comprehensive ‘holistic’ education outside the class-room.”

James Onen

IT’S NOT A CRISISPumla Nabachwa

JANUARY BLUESabid businge were

THIS IS NOT MY JOB DESCRIPTIONjoseph lewis

CHICAGO SECRETARY WINS COURT BATTLEdavid schepp

SECRETARY COFFEE PROTEST 1977

INTERVIEW: IOANNIS GATSIOUNIS

THE 3K TRANSPORT ISSUEms branch

LITTLE BOYarnold kabbale

ALL LAWYERS ARE EVILanite cathy

IDLER’S CORNER: PASSAWAYgimei mufere

MY 2012 RESOLUTIONSstray bird

LANGUAGE CORNERnguyen thu thao

SPORTS DUMPkabanga munga

LAWS NEWTON FORGOTcheem allan

PLAYLISTtalkative rocker

MANAGING EDITOR businge abid weere (+256791032469)

EDITOR AT LARGE brian b coutinho (+256772888183)

MARKETING MANAGER jason ntaro sabitti (+256712815895)

SPORTS EDITOR kabanza john lumumba

ECONOMIC EDITOR rafayili kayigwa

LAYOUT & DESIGN @rhinorck (+256772846642)

PHOTOGRAPHY mirrors media

POETRY EDITORtalkative rocker

NIC Building Pilkington Road.

Short Tower 1st Floor, Room B-03i

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crisisDISCLAIMER: Allow me to say: I am not the spokes-

person for the government. I am just explaining the matter as an individual with standard knowledge on the current griev-ance.

HISTORY: First of all, the primary mandate of the central bank is to foster price stability. The economy has been run-ning high inflation (double digits) mainly from global effects (beyond its control). Because consumers want to maintain the same standard of living, they keep borrowing to bridge the gap created by increased prices and this is mainly on house-hold and personal goods. Now this on its own causes higher inflation bse of increased currency in circulation. Again, the consumer borrows to bridge an even bigger gap. And what is the result? Even higher inflation. Again the consumers bor-row......You see my point here...its a vicious cycle. Created not by ourselves but fueled by us.

This has two major outcomes: increased inflation and a weakened shilling.

REACTION: The Central Bank intervened and took a tight monetary policy stance; Increase the Central Bank Rate which they expected to feed through to the commercial bank interest rates and ultimately reduce on credit extensions. The

transmission mechanism worked and ofcourse, the banks responded and increased the rates of their customers’ loans. This was the inten-tion of the Central Bank.

The main criticism though is that this action is being applied to exist-ing loans instead of just new loans. I totally get this grievance but a contract signed at inception of the loan reads that the rate shall be under variable basis depending on the economic conditions at the time. Who am I to come between a man and his contract? Shouldnt the holder of the loan have negotiated this contract at its commence-ment? It’s not even in small print...its there for even the blind to read. No one hid anything from you.

FYI: The lay man fails to understand that just like a pill, it gets worse before it gets better. For your information...inflation is down from 31% to 27% and the exchange rate is stronger from 2900 now to 2300 against the US$ and all this in a time period of 4 months since this stance was taken.

TAKE HEART: The worst is passing...the economic fundamentals are stabilising and when they eventually do, in the medium term, the reverse action will be prompted. Interest rates will be reduced.

By Pumla Nabachwa

It’s not a

Ugandans are angry. They say they suffer. They are quick to throw stones. And as usual, the stones are directed at the Government. They striked against inflation and BoU intervened to help. Now they strike against the method that BoU is using to help them. There is clearly no winning. I dont blame them for they are angry and discontent and maybe its only because they do not understand the background nor the evo-lution of what is going on.


...it’s not a crisisThis complaint is on the table and serious discussion is underway to find a way to deal with old and new loans separately.

TO CONCLUDE: When people are frustrated, they block their minds to reason especially when this reason is not in their favour. Its only human nature. It is not easy to talk to an angry man who will not settle till his problem is dealt with.

I am first a national too before an employee of this autonomous body and so i understand what is going on because like you, I am a victim of some of the implimented policies. We are all affected. The authorities involved have been in dialogue with the traders. Taking your money out of the banks and closing your shops is only derailing the goals of those trying to help us. We are aggre-vating our own problems and hindering economic growth and ultimately development. I wish that the people would listen and understand.

DISCLAIMER: Again, allow me to say: I am not an official spokesperson for the government. These are my thoughts for dis-cussion’s sake and I shall not be quoted.

“I have no cash. I hate January” “clients aren’t paying because it’s January” are some of the phrases that have been floating around in the first 30 days of the New Year. Most people

deem January to be the worst month of the year but does it really deserve that distinctive title?

David (Auckland) vehemently agrees. “I can’t stand the darn month. Everyone is either borke or sad. Work piles up and yet it doesn’t get done.”

Maryam (Dubai) differs: “you Christians are all hangover on the holiday season because you drunk too much, ate too much, spent too much. You should be blaming December.”

Stella (Kampala) blames January: “obviously it’s January duh!! I have failed to get rid of the Xmas weight. I hate Janu-ary.”

Kariuki (Nairobi) thinks December is the culprit: “Decmber is the highlight of the year. You have so much fun and are on an emotional high then you get to January which is like a desert of life. Depression ensues. At least Valetines is around the corner.”

Walaza (Cape Town) thinks all months are the same: “each month has the potential to be the worst depending on your mental attitude and what dice the gods are rolling. I say blame it on the gods.”

Sheila (Chicago) is in a daze: “January is no different. We are in a bloody recession!! Of course all months are bad!”

Rowan (London) is ambivalent: “I think it really depends on how you have planned your days. if you handled your financ-es poorly in December then shit is bad. If you saved some, things aint that bad, besides the paycheque always brightens up a dull month.”

I think we can all agree that January is the worst month of the year.

January blues


This is not in myJob Description

For those of you who are young, idealistic, and just brimming with shiny hopes and dreams, I have some

unfortunate news: Life isn’t fair. Nor is it reasonable, rational, sensible, logical, nice, or fluffy. Life is strange, ridiculous, cruel, fantastic, bizarre, whimsical, capricious, and just a little bit dirty.

I tell you this because one day, possibly one day quite soon, your boss (or someone who wields even more power over your fragile working existence) is going to ask you to do something that you don’t think you should be doing. And you are going to be very unhappy about it.

These types of requests can take many forms.

The most obvious sort of thing your boss will ask you to do that you don’t think you should be doing will be something rather personal.

For example, despite the fact that you are a Web designer, the president of the com-pany is going to ask you to go pick up his car at a work site, take it to a car wash, and then bring it back to the office. And the odds are fairly good that this will take half the day, leave you sitting in traffic for hours, put you hours behind your actual work, and force you to drive a frighteningly high-priced car with a fairly finicky manual transmission. This is annoying, though not terrible.

Or perhaps, despite the fact that you are a proposal writer, your boss will stride into your office and explain, in far too much detail, that he needs your help collecting his in-laws at the airport to make sure they get to a family event on time…on your birth-day. So you drive to an unfamiliar part of the city and stand at a receiving gate hold-ing a sign while a hundred grumpy travel-ers file past you and none of them respond to your sign, leaving you standing alone, unsure of what to do…while your family assembles at a restaurant quite far away from the airport to celebrate your birthday.

Or perhaps, despite the fact that you are a contracts officer, your boss, who drives an

The Personal JobsThe Personal Jobs

By Joseph Lewis


over-priced luxury sedan or maybe even a company car, will call you up at the office on a particularly snowy morning to tell you to come to his house in your much-less-expensive car to fetch him across the icy roads because he doesn’t think his car will survive the trip…but yours is expend-able. So after already braving the morning commute to the office once, you bundle up again and spend the next 90 minutes driving white-knuckled through the up-scale yet unplowed neighborhoods where your boss lives, all the while wondering if you will be required to drive him home later that night.

Or perhaps, despite the fact that you are a publications manager, your boss will announce that he is throwing a party for family and friends, which has absolutely nothing to do with work at all, but he needs you to run to the grocery store and put together a cheese platter and some fruit to provide his guests with something to eat before the caterers arrive at his house.

These personal requests are clearly not in your job description, but you won’t see them coming. They are obviously ridiculous, but they aren’t difficult. And since you won’t have prepared a good excuse for why you can’t just run out and do them, you do them. These things waste time, both work time and your own personal time, and they will put you in uncomfortable positions, and they may even cost you some of your own money (toll booths, gas, food, etc.).

What should you do?

Get over it. Unemployment is high and people are starving to death all over the world. Your ego will survive running a few personal errands for your boss. At least you will get a lot of crazy stories to use in an article that you will one day write about things that were not in your job description.

In a recent article, I counseled readers to go the extra distance to make them-

selves more valuable around the office by developing secondary skills, including maintaining equipment and mastering software. And that is pretty good advice,

until it backfires and completely ruins your life.

You see, sooner or later, if you are very good at getting things done, then bosses will stop bothering with the useless em-ployees and bring all their problems to you. Because you’re so quick. You’re so precise. You know how to do that thing in Microsoft Word. So can you just do this little task for me, right now, because you’re the best. Pretty please?

Initially you will be flattered by the extra attention. Your boss knows your name, and her boss knows your name, and some bosses from the other depart-ments know your name. Great! But now you have all these other tasks to do, and some of them you don’t completely understand, and many of them are due in five minutes (or five minutes ago). And every minute you spend on these tasks is a minute you don’t spend on your own work.

Perhaps you’ll be asked to work on a Vice President’s presentation (because you’re quick in PowerPoint), or a finan-cial report (because you’re good at for-mulas in Excel), or the invitations to the company’s holiday party (because you’re so creative).

You may find this merely inconvenient from time to time. You might also find it more than a little frustrating, espe-cially when you are told point blank that someone else ought to be doing this task, but instead of making that other person do their job, you are going to do it for them. To “reward” your excellence.

What should you do?

Manage it. The bottom line is that you have succeeded in making yourself both valuable and popular. This position actu-ally gives you a little power. People tend to be slightly more respectful and consid-erate of others when they need them. So feel free to push back a little bit and turn down those extra requests if you really can’t handle any more on your plate. But as long as you can shoulder the burden, do it.

It is unlikely, but not impossible, that you will be asked to do something il-

legal at work. It may be something semi-minor, like copying a confidential docu-ment or emailing data that ought to be encrypted. Sometimes bosses become fed up with rules and protocols and just want the job done, so they will ask you to do it the fast way, instead of the strictly correct way. I can’t advise you how to handle a rule-bender situation. You will have to de-cide for yourself whether the task is really illicit, whether there will be consequences, and whether you personally will be held accountable.

But it might also be something ma-jor. Your boss may tell you to scuttle a project, or fire a good employee, or falsify data. Or, just as a random example purely from my imagination, to walk into the Pentagon with a bag full of power tools to do a little unauthorized remodeling of a Department of Defense facility. That’s a fictional example, mind you. Completely made up.

What should you do?

Well, you’re in the hot seat now. You can say “No” and risk all sorts of angry-boss fallout. You can try to find a non-illegal alternative course of action. Or you can do it and hope for the best. None of these are great options, and you’re well within your rights for feeling angry at the world (and at your boss) for putting you in such a position, but there it is.

This is the sort of moment where you learn something very fundamental about yourself. What are your priorities? Where are the lines you won’t cross? What are you willing to risk or sacrifice for an ideal? What really matters to you at the end of the day?

That’s life. It’s not fair, but I already told you that.

< Joseph Lewis is a writer and editor who has worked in the public and private sec-tors, including military, health care, and technology firms.

www. josephrobertlewis.com

>

The Professional JobsThe Professional Jobs

The dangerous JobsThe dangerous Jobs


Chicago secretary fired for working during lunch wins court battle

A Chicago woman fired for working through her lunch break has won her legal battle to collect theunem-

ployment benefits denied her by her former employer.

The aggrieved employee, Sharon Smiley (pic-tured at left), succeeded in her effort despite a lack of legal help. None of the attorneys from whom Smiley sought counsel agreed to take the case, she says, because they thought she was bound to lose. Smiley ended up represent-ing herself -- and won, the Chicago Tribune reports.

Though Smiley was ultimately successful in her legal fight, she has endured tough times since being fired two years ago. She had to put together a living working odd jobs before landing another full-time job last month.

In January 2010, she worked downtown as a

receptionist at Equity Lifestyle Properties Inc., a position she’d held for 10 years. One day she de-cided to work through her lunch break because a manager assigned her work that Smiley wanted to finish.

“I thought, ‘Well, I’m not hungry; I’ll just do this work ... so when I get back from lunch, I can do my original work that I’m supposed to be do-ing,’ “ the 48-year-old Smiley told the Tribune.

Smiley was under pressure to do more and more work, she says, a tactic that she felt was being utilized to force her to resign. Instead, as the newspaper reports, Smiley committed to working harder, even though the added stress contributed to a stroke, she testified at an unemployment hearing in 2010.

From the Tribune report:

On this day, a new manager told her she needed to take her break. Both sides agreed that this was the first time Smiley worked during lunch, records show.

Smiley told her manager that she had already punched out but wanted to finish the extra work because she thought her break time was her own.

“I asked her how she had taken a break when she remained sitting at the desk, answering phones and working on a spreadsheet,” the man-ager testified.

Smiley testified: “I would call myself, you know, being considerate (for) doing the work for some-one else on my lunchtime, and I didn’t think it was going to be a problem.”

Smiley’s boss then told her to report to the director of human resources. During the meet-ing, the company charged that Smiley became insubordinate and she was fired.

Knowing that she was eligible for unemploy-ment benefits, Smiley applied three times but was denied. She then took her case to circuit court, which ruled in her favor, granting her the benefits.

An appeals court subsequently agreed with the lower court’s ruling, finding that Smiley’s insubordination wasn’t sufficiently egregious to warrant her discharge.

“Workers generally have to be guilty of gross misconduct, which includes insubordination,” Cheryl Anderson, law professor at Southern Illinois University School of Law told “Good Morning America.”

“The bar is set high for the employer to prove that, and in this case, the court found the em-ployer’s argument that her actions amounted to insubordination to be inadequate.”

As for Smiley, she’s true to her name in her new receptionist’s position. Her current em-ployer has a much more liberal lunch policy, GMA reports.

She is free to sit at her desk during lunch or read magazines, Smiley says. “And in my area, they have two flat-screen TVs on the wall.”

By David Schepp

Even Chicago Attorneys Can Learn to Make Coffee

The women’s liberation movement had already shaken up some traditions by

1977, but plenty of employers still expected the women in the office – and only the women – to make the coffee. When legal secretary Iris Rivera refused, she was dismissed from her job. The fir-ing launched a secretary coffee protest that made headlines.

Assuming the Women Will Take Care of That

Was a secretary coffee protest necessary to make office workers reconsider their assumptions about gender roles? The feminist advocacy group Women Employed thought so. Women Employed was started in 1973 to organize working women and help them communicate with one another. Inspired by Cesar Chavez’ farm workers move-ment, which stood up for the basic human dignity of migrant workers, Women Employed fought against discrimination and harassment.

Many female office workers performed adminis-trative duties and were not expected to advance in their careers. Apart from their low wages or long hours, secretaries could be exploited if their subordinate position in the office was based on the fact that they were women. Women who were

1977The Secretary Coffee Protest


The Secretary Coffee Protest

stuck earning lower wages than men in pink-collar jobs had started to pay attention to subtle workplace discrimination. Iris Rivera was paying attention when her boss issued a memo repri-manding the secretaries and reminding them to make the coffee.

Job Duties?

According to Chicago newspaper reports from February 1977, Iris Rivera’s boss at the Illinois appellate defender office, James Geis, had been frustrated by the secretaries’ work performance for months. He issued a memo of several pages that included rules for the secretaries, such as ar-riving at work on time. One of the rules was that secretaries make the coffee. Iris Rivera challenged her supervisor’s order. Her reasons were simple:

She didn’t drink coffee

Making coffee wasn’t listed as one of her job duties

Ordering the secretaries to make coffee was car-

rying the role of homemaker too far

Coffee Grounds for Complaint

When Iris Rivera was given notice that she would be fired, the advocacy group Women Employed re-sponded by turning out several dozen secretaries for a lunchtime protest at the law office. The protesters awarded a “prize” of used coffee grounds to the male attorneys. The women also had a flyer ready with instructions on how to make coffee: so simple even an attorney could learn how to do it.

Unfortunately, James Geis had left for vacation and was not there for the protest, but the news media later reported that he would reconsider the decision to fire Iris Rivera.

Job Duties By Gender

The issue of making coffee in the office was some-thing that Women Employed knew would resonate nationwide with other working women as a symbol.

Twenty or thirty years after this secretary coffee

protest, a typical Generation X or Generation Y worker would be more likely to associate the me-nial job duty of making coffee with unpaid interns rather than female secretaries. Were women per-ceived as the lowest rung on the corporate ladder, regardless of their position or education, during the 1960s and 1970s?

This workplace theme even slyly slipped into epi-sodes of The Mary Tyler Moore Show during the 1970s. When independent, single career woman Mary Richards came into work late, none of the men seemed capable of functioning at the coffee pot until she got there. The real question raised by the 1977 secretary coffee protest was about the “role” of women – and why that role should include making men’s coffee.

Employees of the 21st century might be unfazed by the secretary coffee protest if they are used to having a professional barista make their daily grind at several dollars per cup. But a few decades earlier, women were expected to make the coffee, and Iris Rivera challenged that unspoken assump-tion.

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Interview

The WorkZine recently tracked down Ioannis Gat-siounis by asking people on the street if they had seen Iron Man passing by . Ioannis is an East Africa-based author and journalist known for his frank and revealing analysis of pressing glo-bal issues. Prior to his arrival on the Conti-nent two years ago, his trenchant and often prescient commentaries, penned in a climate of restriction and intimidation for publica-tions across the political spectrum, includ-ing Newsweek, the International Herald Tribune, Al Jazeera and the Asian Wall Street Journal, secured his reputation as a leading expert on Malaysia. A collection of his reportage and commentaries, Beyond the Veneer, was published in 2008 by Monsoon Books. His fiction debut, Velvet & Cinder Blocks (ZI Publica-tions), ten politically-tinged short stories set about Asia and the West, hit book-shelves in 2009.

IoannisGatsiounis


You have such an interesting name, what does it mean? Do you sometimes get the feeling that you get job interviews just because of your name?

Ioannis (that’s an ‘I’ by the way not an “L” as some people mistake it) means John in Greek. Gatsiounis is just an uncommon surname, even by Greek standards, so far as I know. I don’t think it’s helped me get job interviews. In America’s red states, it would probably do the reverse!

If you could change your name, which one would you choose?

Something slightly easier perhaps, so as to prevent my name from becoming another level of bureaucra-cy. It has the tendency to become a conversation in and of itself (as it is through these last couple ques- tions, see!) In some informal video projects I shoot, I go with Johhny G, or Johnny Gatz.

What does your work entail? I mean other than running away from tear gas wield-

ing policemen... By the way, does Uganda have the best teargas you have ever come across?

Uganda by far has the best tear gas and chemically-laced water I’ve swallowed. Haven’t you noticed: some of it last year was pink?

My work involves essen-tially observing, report-

ing, and analyzing. I’m most interested in the interplay between politics and social and economic devel-opment (in contrast to the “game” of politics and political

gossip about this political figure trying to outmaneuver that one using this method or that). I do my best to see through conventional wisdom to provide a fresh yet ac-curate perspective. One example, broadly speaking, would be that I don’t buy that the power shifts in the world are happening nearly as quickly as most people in my profession and the larger public believe. Yes the world – in some ways – is

moving faster than ever before, as seen through the internet and the rate at which business is conducted. But this has wrongly been equated with all forms

of change. Some countries in fact are falling farther behind, while others, like China and India, are progressing in very lopsided and arguably unsustain-

able ways that are unlikely to supplant the current order of global power.

How long have you been doing this? Any retirement plans?

I’ve been doing foreign correspondence for about a decade, starting in Indonesia as the

country transitioned from 32 years of dicta-torship to democracy. That was the beginning of my education on and fascination with devel-opment in the Third World and geopolitics…I haven’t thought about retirement; there’s still

much I want to accomplish.

What drove you to this line of work? Which one did you give up as a result?

Fresh out of journalism school, I covered a suburban township in Mar-yland. This meant covering city council meetings and lots of other mundane stuff. I knew there was a whole world out there I was missing. And I resolved to save my money and taken the plunge. I landed in Jakarta [capital of Indonesia] some months later without a map or a contact, and hit the ground running. I remember that leap very fondly; it was empowering. And it gave me the confidence to take a similar leap, to Uganda, to Af-rica, two years ago.

Which has been your most amus-ing inci-dent in the pro-fession?

Having my two books pub-lished. The


first, Beyond the Veneer, is a collection of essays about developmental politics in Malaysian and Southeast Asia, and will be of value to anyone interested in the challenges and obstacles countries face in their bid to develop and prosper….the second is a collection of short fiction called Velvet and Cinder Blocks, and examines

the cross-cultural tensions between the Muslim world and the West after 9/11. Some of the stories are quite humorous and play like short films, others more poignant and political. There’s a story in the collection for everyone. Immersing myself in it allowed me to explore a different side of my psyche

and writing.

Why was it amusing?

I’d given up a well-paying though very restrictive media position with a global satellite TV station to pursue the writing I wanted to, and seeing the first book published was clear proof that I was right in having followed my heart. The second one, V & CB, was amus-ing in that until then most people who had been following my writings in Malaysia (where I had spent more than five years), had known me strictly as a journalist. But on the side, when assignments were slow, in evenings, in mornings - whenever I could find free time - I would plug away at the fiction. No one was paying me to do it. But I enjoyed it; and pub-lishing the collection and promoting it (through interviews, signings) was the prize.

Which of the current crop of movie stars do you think is over-rated?

I’ll have to give that some thought. Can I get back to you on that?

Talking of movies, has anyone ever told you that you look a bit like Iron Man?

Yes. A couple people during the photo shoot for this profile (whose names will not be men-tioned). Other times too. I don’t see the resemblance. Maybe it’s the mustache, though even

when the mustache is shaved I’ve gotten the Downy comparisons.

Has anyone ever mistaken you for him? What did they do? How did you respond?

Yes, most strangely would have to be while shooting a tourism ad last year in Malay-sia. The boy on set (who played my son in the ad) said, “You’re Ironman, aren’t you?”

as he clung to my leg.

What are you future plans?

There’s some stuff in the works I’m excited about. But I’d prefer not to talk about them until they’re finalized. I hope Africa will play a role, as I’m enjoying it here.

If you had to kill either Jay Z or Hugh Masekela in order to save the world , which one would you kill and why ?

It would have to be Jay Z – in a heartbeat (sorry Jay). While I respect and enjoy some of Jay Z’s output, rap and hip-hop on the whole is repetitive and formulaic (in terms of

themes, image and melody), obsessively materialistic, superficial lyrically and short on real artistry (though there are exceptions to the rule, of which Jay Z, at times, has

proven to be). Masekela has been experimental, letting his soul guide him to explore new musical terrain.


I am going to be in so much trouble when a close male friend reads this! I am hoping and praying it’ll be worth it after I get to hear what you all think of this…

Jack and I were having a cup of coffee at a one of the city’s popular spots dis-cussing life, swapping village stories. After the coffee, he pulled out his wallet to pay for his copy of Big Dreams, a book I co-authored with another close friend of mine, Robert. Suddenly, he got a little uncomfortable being seen giving a girl money in public, he was like, “People are going to think…”

“You are giving me ‘transport’?” I finished his statement. He was like, well, those things… I threw back my head and laughed endlessly till other patrons started staring. He told me about his campus days when he used give a lady three thou-sand shillings for “transport”. I couldn’t help asking, why 3k and not 4 or 5k?

He told me about the science behind the 3k. Well, those days, before transport fares became vulgar, two thousand shillings would be enough to take a girl from Ntinda to Mitchell Hall and back to Ntinda. The one thousand was meant to cater for the phone call at the roadside booth, assuming the girl didn’t have a cell phone, which was the case in (I am not very sure when Jack was at Mitchell), let’s just set-tle with, “those days”

His argument was, with the three thousand; the girl won’t feel like she has just been paid for a good time. However, not giving her “transport” would feel like she paid for it. So, to avoid conflict, the 3k transport theory came to life.

Then he asked, “How is it these days? How do the lads deal with the transport issue?” There was a time I got 125k for transport… Oh well, that’s a story for another day

Transport Issue

Little Boy All Lawyers are evil

The

3k

Today, I found a little boy. He was about 5 years old. He was melancholy and softly crying; it seemed he had been like this for a while. I asked him what was wrong, but he refused to speak. He would not look me in the eye either... Again I asked him, and he refused. Eventually, he opened up to me and in a soft, resigned voice, whispered to me, “I can not take it anymore! Help me!”

I asked him, “Little boy, how can I help you? I am not making any promises, but I will do what I can”

He said, “I like this girl at my Nursery School; I have told her before, but every time I tell her, she gets angry with me!” He continued and said, “I have done everything I can, but she will not change her mind. I don’t know what to do anymore! Can you help me, because I am afraid I will lose her.”

Eventually, he made me give him my word, that I would help him. “I will go talk to her!” said I... As I departed, I could feel hope rekindled in his heart... I do not know what magic words to say to his beloved when I meet her, for if I did, I would have said them to mine already...

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the road-side eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate. He asked one man, “Why are you eating grass?” “We don’t have any money for food,” the poor man replied. “We have to eat grass.” “Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I’ll feed you,” the lawyer said. “But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree.” “Bring them along,” the lawyer replied.

Turning to the other poor man he stated, “You may come with us, also.” The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, “But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!” “Bring them all as well,” the law-yer answered. They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was. Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, “Sir, you are too kind.” “Thank you for taking all of us with you. The lawyer replied, “Glad to do it. “You’ll really love my place. “The grass is almost a foot high.”

Arnold Kabbale Anite Cathy

Ms. Branch


Idler’s Corner

...pass

away

{There are a total of 5671 rules to ensure you ensnare the woman(en) of your dreams.}

This automatically disqualifies expensive sports car owners, taxi drivers and a few friends of mine. Why this peculiar behaviour from the females of our species? I have the answer...it boils down to multi-tasking (forget all the management theory they taught you in school). Multi-tasking means being able to do everything else and keep a conversation running while you drive. No grunting and huffing while you drive eg. I think , we can not load anymore passengers. Ok, this example is off coz that would mean, the chick is in the taxi driver’s ride during working hours.

2. Women like guys who work from din-ing tables

There’s nothing as sexy as a guy working at a dining table, ask my wife, and she is an author-ity on sexy men, she lives with one 24/7. Any-way, as I was saying before I started blowing my vuvuzela, chicks absolutely love dining table guys. U know what it shows? Once again, that word, multi-tasking. If you can work at the table at which you eat, who knows what you can do on the bed in which you sleep. This is common sense and I really wonder how sharp all you guys out there are. I mean, it took me a while to figure this out and I’ve just given it to you on a silver platter. I am a philanthropist (which brings me to my next point)

3. Women love philanthropists

This is true. No woman likes Bill Gates (or me) for his money. Women like men who like to give and keep giving and giving and giving. Ok,

this sounds lewd but it’s my blog and my mind has since left its gutter days behind (unlike you, yeah you, stop turning your gu head, I mean you with the spectacles and the ka bald spot <-- ap-ply applicable description). CAUTION: Do not give money to beggars while in a woman’s sight. It only makes you look like an easy target, only give money to rich people. Now, rich people did not get rich by giving money away so they are only too happy to get free money from you e.g. Yo! Sudhir, lunch is on me today. Just pick your spot. Guaranteed, if you feed Sudhir, Kirumira and uncle Kutesa while she can see you, it’s a wrap. You now have a dedicated follower. This woman will do anything for you. “Go buy me socks,” and she’ll deliver them and help you wear them. “Take off your ear rings,” and she’ll take them off. “Take off your sweater,” you know what will happen.

There are a total of 5671 rules to ensure you ensnare the woman(en) of your dreams. If you analyse me, you’ll probably find like 5000, the other 671 I have to tell you. I am a working man so I gotta go. Peace out, Jah bless, Shalom and catch you on the rebound. You have your women only coz I don’t want them. As earlier said, I am a philanthropist.

P.S: If you are wondering about the title, it’s a term used to refer to a situation where some-thing alive is passing away eg the taxi passawed the dog.

By Mufere <the writer has a high opinion of himself. That’s a good thing yes ?>

It’s raining heavily and the car...STOP!! Do I really need to ex-plain myself for blogging, on a laptop I own, with internet I

pay for in a house that’s mine? Hmmmm, I guess so. Anyway, it’s raining heavily and the car is parked kinda far away so here I am...blogging. I just checked and I have over 50 draft posts some with more than a paragraph. This is a relevant fact, no?

Anyway, this afternoon, I am sharing bits and pieces of myself with you. After some hard think-ing, I have come to the conclusion that I am the ish. I am actually what women want. I mean, over the years, I’ve created a checklist based on what my female friends (who I think wanted me all this time but signed a treaty to all leave off)have said and allow me to finally present the of-ficial guide to what women (and girls) want.

Disclaimer: If some of the guidelines strike you as impossible, please remember that this is ME (the guy that women want)

1. Women like guys who drive automatic cars


2012my

resolutions:

Nag More

Ever since we moved in together, my boyfriend has never picked up a wet

towel, washed the dishes, changed a ‘dead’ light bulb, or taken out the trash without an

I-will-go-back-to-my-mother’s-house threat. Now, this year: I vow to be relentless in my nagging. I

will lay direct blame using words like ALWAYS and NEVER. I could wake up one morning and whine “I always, and you never.” I also will play the martyr by

saying, “Forget it. I’ll do it myself.” And I will amp up the guilt with, “I do everything around here.” Or something unarguable like, “It’s obvious by

your refusal to slice the tomatoes that you don’t love me anymore.” If all goes well,

I’ll be nagging him into marrying me by December.

Gain Weight

I am going to quit all good eating habits ASAP. I vow to add fattening

foods to my diet with reckless abandon. I will start each meal with a generous help-ing of bread and rolls onto which I will spread an obnoxious amount of butter.

I will stuff food into my mouth with such fervour it will make other eat-

ers uncomfortable to watch. I also promise to eat EVERY-

THING.

Workout Less

This will actually take serious effort. The only thing harder would

be to shower less. If I need to borrow the proverbial cup of sugar, I will drive to my

neighbour’s door and hoot until she comes out and hands it to me, or call my boda-bo-da guy to collect it for me. I will take eleva-

tors in two-story buildings. Lastly, I’m going to cancel my gym membership

and use the money I save to buy more ice cream and burgers.

Forget an Old Lan-

guage

This year, not only am I not going to learn a new language, I’m going to force my

brain to wither and forget English. In 2012, I shall only speak Runyankole. I will quit doing

crosswords and speaking in complete sen-tences. I will break all grammatical rules: I will

misplace modifiers, dangle participles, and end sentences in prepositions. To those that

don’t understand my mother-tongue, I will express myself through emoti-

cons.

Stay Out of

Touch

This time of year, I am reminded of the many friends I have let time and space interfere with. I intend to further that dis-

tance. I am going to start by rejecting any new Facebook, Twitter and Google Plus requests. I will also attach a message that reads, “I am

ignoring your request because I don’t like you, Sucker!” Lastly, I will cuss out loud and then hang up on people who call in

hopes of fulfilling their own resolu-tion to rekindle old friend-

ships.

Become Ad-dicted to Some-

thing

Smoking, alcoholism and coffee are so stale. No, this year I vow to pick up a unique dependency that people can really talk about like nasal spray or hand sanitizer or sniffing

hot glue. Or at least something beneficial to my endurance like crack. Look, I already have a

shopping addiction so that’s out and I do love me some reality TV; maybe I could offset the bills with a robust gambling

problem.

Gossip More

I vow to talk about everything you do in the New Year. If I see you at the

hospital for so much as flu drugs, I will tell everyone you have an STI, so you can be ver-

bally assaulted when you try to vibe any of my friends. If you look too skinny, I will assume and tell everyone that you have relationship problems or you are too broke to afford meals. If you look

too hot, I will spread word that you are hav-ing an affair with a Minister. If you look too

young, I will tell people that you have an addiction to surgical procedures because

your spouse is cheating on you.

Be Less Patient

I vow to be aggravated, exasper-ated, and ready to blow my stack at

the slightest misstep. The next time my co-worker wants help with his workload I will say, “That’s it! Clearly this whole employment thing is not for you. If you

don’t know how to do your job by now, you never will! Now go be a

stay-at-home Daddy!

Stress more

I vow to lose sleep thinking about planning parties, redecorating my house, trying to budget, missing appointments,

work conferences, and health issues caused by stress. I will give an evil laugh while erasing all the plans from my iPhone, and then cry over

what I have just done. I will empty my bank account on frivolous investments and watch

it dwindle away. Oh, wait…that already happened, two weeks ago. Well good,

more for me to worry about.

Hold grudges

This year I vow to forgive no one. I don’t care if you step on my toe, or pay me the five thousand you owe me, a day after the assigned due date. You will go

on “The List” in permanent ink and I will twirl my imaginary handlebar moustache

as I think about how to get revenge. I vow to hate you forever and never

forget how you wronged me.

~Stray Bird~


Language Corner

Ký sự Vượt thác sông Nile

Người Uganda cho rằng sông Nile xuất phát từ Jinja – thành phố công nghiệp cách Kampala 80km về hướng Đông Bắc. Jinja được gọi là ‘thủ phủ thám hiểm’ (Adventure Capital) với các trò chơi cảm giác mạnh như Vượt thác (rafting),

nhảy Bungee, cưỡi ngựa và Motor địa hình. Đáng ngạc nhiên là các công ty khai thác loại hình du lịch thám hiểm này lại chủ yếu là ‘Muzungu’ (người da trắng). Người nước ngoài sinh sống và làm việc tại Uganda được gọi là ‘Muzungu’ – da trắng và da vàng; riêng người Ấn Độ, Pakistan do số lượng nhiều và thời gian có mặt ở Uganda đã lâu (từ thời Idi Aman - 1960) nên có hẳn một tên riêng gọi là ‘Muhindi’. Tất nhiên giá dịch vụ của ‘Muzungu’ bao giờ cũng cao hơn.

Hiện tại có tất cả bốn công ty cùng khai thác Rafting ở Jinja là Equator, Nile River Explorers, Nalubale và Adrift trong đó Nile River Explorers cùng với Adrift là lâu đời nhất và có kinh nghiệm ‘trị’ dòng sông nhất. Adift từng đón tiếp Nữ hoàng Elizabeth và hoàng tử Williams từ Công quốc vào năm 2008. Còn theo như người quản lý ở Nile River Explorers (NRE) – Janne – thì tất cả nhân viên đều có chứng chỉ hành nghề do Rafting Int’l Federation cấp. Hiện tại ở Uganda vẫn chưa có luật nào về khai thác du lịch mạo hiểm nhưng các công ty du lịch cũng chẳng muốn chính phủ Uganda can thiệp vì trò chơi mạo hiểm xuất phát từ phương Tây, họ thà tự chịu trách nhiệm còn hơn trả phí giám sát cho “những người không biết gì từ chính phủ”. So với địa hình ở Đà Lạt mình thì địa hình sông Nile dữ dội hơn nhiều. Thác của mình chủ yếu là cấp độ 3 trong khi cấp độ chủ yếu ở đây là 5 (cao nhất là 6). Chi phí cho chuyến thám hiểm tổng cộng khoảng 150$/người bao gồm ăn sáng, ăn vặt và một bữa BBQ hoành tráng mừng kẻ vượt thác thành công.

Trước chuyến đi, tôi hơi ngạc nhiên vì không phải đặt cọc tiền cũng không được nhận lịch trình cụ thể gì cả. Tôi phải gọi điện cho công ty bán tour và hỏi thăm thì được biết đi chơi ở Uganda thì không có lịch trình hay follow-up (chăm sóc khách hang) gì hết cứ ngày đó, giờ đó mà đi thôi. Thế là sáng sớm thứ 7, tôi bắt xe bus đến khu trung tâm thương mại chờ xe tour đến. Ở đây gọi ‘bus’ là ‘taxi’ còn ‘bus’ thì gọi là ‘coach’ – thật xứng đáng là thuộc địa của Anh. Nhân tiện lan man một tí, du lịch ở Uganda khá tiện lợi vì ngay cả xe ôm và cô bán rau ở chợ cũng nói tiếng Anh xoen xoét – tiếng Anh là ngôn ngữ chính thức được sử dụng ở trường và công sở. Do chính sách “chia để trị” na ná như Ấn Độ, thực dân Anh đã khuyến khích 31 ngôn ngữ khác nhau tại Uganda và ngày nay để

Nguyen Thu Thao


có thể giao tiếp với nhau người dân không có cách nào khác là dung tiếng Anh. Vợ đến từ miền Nam – chồng từ miền Bắc thì cũng không có cách nào khác là dùng tiếng Anh dẫn đến kết quả là con cái sinh ra cũng nói tiếng Anh nốt.

Quay trở lại chuyến đi, xe tour thì cũng là một chiếc “taxi” khác được thuê nguyên buổi sáng hôm đó để chở chúng tôi xuống Jinja, thế thôi. Tôi và năm bạn trẻ người Mỹ khác hăm hở cho một chuyến đi hào hứng. Người lớn tuổi nhất cũng chỉ 24 – họ là học sinh, sinh viên nghỉ hè tranh thủ sang Châu Phi vừa làm tình nguyện viên cho các tổ chức phi chính phủ vừa thăm thưng cho biết đây biết đó. Đáng ngạc nhiên là họ phải trả tiền cho chuyến đi thiện nguyện của mình, chỉ đến mùa hè năm sau khi quay lại thì họ mới được gửi chút tiền gọi là dằn túi. Họ tỏ ra vô cùng ngưỡng mộ khi biết có một cô gái Việt Nam đơn thân độc mã như tôi sống & làm việc ở Uganda. Dường như khi nhắc đến hai từ Việt Nam là lại bắt đầu một chủ đề rôm rả mới vì ai cũng muốn qua Việt Nam và các nước Đông Nam Á một lần cho biết. Những người trẻ đó hỏi tôi ở Việt Nam chắc có internet chứ hả, tôi trả lời à Việt Nam có 3G luôn rồi, đang chuẩn bị làm cả 4G nữa. Họ lại hỏi tôi ở Việt Nam có Starbuck và Mc Donald chưa…vv. Thế là một thế hệ người Mỹ vừa trưởng thành – họ đã thôi không trăn trở về chiến tranh VN nữa rồi. Trộm nghĩ có khi nào một thế hệ Việt Nam mới cũng như thế, một mặt thì thấy thế là vết thương cũng đã lành – mặt khác lại nghĩ mai này rồi ai sẽ còn nhớ các ông, các bác, các chú đã đổ máu xuống mảnh đất này đây? Chúng tôi vượt qua cánh rừng Mabira yên tĩnh với những gốc cây hàng trăm tuổi mà phải 5-6 người mới ôm xuể. Uganda là nơi giao thoa của các đồi cỏ savannah vàng óng Đông Phi với những cánh rừng nguyên sinh xanh mượt Tây Phi. Đáng buồn là nơi này dường như bị lãng quên, dân du lịch thà đi Nam Phi hay Kenya mà chưa biết đến Uganda. Chính phủ thì tập trung chủ yếu vào nông nghiệp mà không có sự quảng bá về hình ảnh du lịch. Đường xá vẫn rất gập ghềnh khiến cho việc tiếp cận các địa điểm tuyệt đẹp trở nên khó tiếp cận.

Đoàn tập kết tại trụ sở của NRE, Jinja lúc 9:00 sáng – mỗi người được phát đồ ăn sáng và dụng cụ bảo hộ (đồ xịn nhập từ Anh). Đây dường như là nơi tập trung nhiều người da trắng nhất mà tôi biết trong suốt thời gian ở Uganda: 120 người, họ đến từ bốn phương nhưng nhiều nhất là Mỹ và Châu Âu, cũng có một cô gái Châu Á trong đoàn nhưng cô này cũng quốc tịch Mỹ. Cô rất lo lắng cho tôi vì tướng tôi nhỏ con, cô sợ tôi cũng rụt rè nhút nhát như hàng triệu cô gái gốc Á khác trên toàn cầu. Tôi bảo với cô rằng gái Châu Á mình mà mò được tới đây (Jinja) là thuộc thành phần nổi loạn lắm, cứ yên tâm. Sau 45 phút lắc lư ngoáy cháo trên xe (vì đường toàn ổ gà, ổ vịt), chúng tôi cũng đến được trại tập kết. Mọi người được khuyến cáo là để lại giày, dép, kiếng, điện thoại, máy hình và tất cả những gì không dính lên người vì khi vượt thác khả năng mất đồ là 99%. Thế là chúng tôi, 120 con người chân đất khệ nệ mang những chiếc thuyền cao su xuống dòng sông Nile (trắng) huyền thoại. Khi được thả xuống sông thuyền mới được đội ngũ nhân viên bơm lên trong khi chúng tôi ngồi bệt và học các nguyên tắc cơ bản khi vượt thác. Kể cũng lạ, toàn là những người đã quá quen với cuộc sống tiện nghi và hiện đại vậy mà ở cái lạnh 18oC, không ai ngại ngần đi chân đất và sẵn sàng quăng mình xuống dòng sông kia. Chúng tôi được huấn luyện trong vòng 30 phút về cách xoay xở trong trường hợp khẩn cấp và cách tự cứu mình. Chị trưởng đoàn căn dặn phải cố gắng luôn đưa các chi lên khỏi mặt nước vì đá ngầm rất nguy hiểm, kẹt vào là gãy tay gãy chân như chơi – chắc mọi người không ai muốn làm nhân vật chính cho phim 127 hours phần hai. Đoàn sau đó được phân chia thành hai nhóm: Cấp (Grade) 3 và cấp 5. Cấp 3 dành cho nhóm gia đình chỉ thám hiểm nửa ngày và không quá nguy hiểm trong khi cấp 5 dành cho những người không yếu tim và thử thách kéo dài trọn một ngày; cấp 6 thì thuộc giải “ngoại hạng” không dành cho du lịch mà chỉ cho những VĐV

chuyên nghiệp do tính chất cực kỳ nguy hiểm của nó. Ngoài các nhóm còn có những bạn trẻ vượt thác độc lập bằng thuyền kayak đơn, những bạn này phải tự chịu trách nhiệm về sự an toàn của mình.

Chúng tôi cuối cùng cũng được lên thuyền và một lần nữa lại được huấn luyện về cách cầm mái chèo, cách ngồi cho vững và cách tránh những cơn nước lớn. Vẫn là câu khẩu hiệu được nhắc đi nhắc lại: “Self-rescue” (Hãy tự cứu mình). Sau khi hỏi đi hỏi lại mọi người đã nắm vững các nguyên tắc chưa bất ngờ HLV (cũng là một anh da trắng tóc vàng) quăng một người trong đoàn xuống nước. Em bé (14 tuổi) chới với trong dòng nước nhưng vẫn không quên bám vào mạn thuyền và được một thành viên khác kéo lên theo đúng kỹ thuật. Công nhận là tính độc lập và tự giác của người Châu Âu hơn hẳn mình, họ làm một cách tự động và theo đúng quy trình. Mọi người được một trận cười nhưng ngay lập tức HLV quăng từng người xuống nước và chúng tôi phải tự cứu nhau. Chưa hết, HLV cho lật úp thuyền để thử thách lòng can đảm và khả năng xoay xở của mọi người. Chúng tôi rất luýnh quýnh nhưng theo bản năng sinh tồn, ai cũng thoát ra được và lom ngom bò lại thuyền. Anh HLV nói đây là tập luyện chỗ nước lặng chứ thực tế các pha lật thuyền (flip) xảy ra khi vượt qua những chỗ thác lớn và mọi chuyện có thể sẽ khó khăn hơn rất nhiều – anh cũng không quên chỉ vào những bạn cứu hộ chèo thuyền kayak độc lập luôn theo sát chúng tôi khi có chuyện không may xảy ra. Chúng tôi thích thú chèo thuyền theo lệnh của HLV, tất cả mọi người nhất nhất phải tuân theo điều lệnh của chỉ huy. Nếu bạn hỏi trò chơi nào mang tính chất xây dựng nhóm (team-building) nhất thì tôi sẽ nói là chèo thuyền. Đầu tiên ta cần một người lãnh đạo – người quyết định lùi/tiến hay án binh bất động; sự an nguy của cả một tập thể sẽ nằm trong tay người này. Tiếp theo là hai kẻ đứng mũi chịu sào – đây là những người quyết định vận tốc của con thuyền và sau đó là sự nhịp nhàng của những người cầm chèo. Con thuyền chỉ có thể đi xa và vượt thử thách bằng cách tất cả mọi người đều lắng nghe nhau và lắng nghe thủ lĩnh.

Đoàn đi được khoảng 15 phút đầu tiên thì bắt gặp một vùng cấp 6, để bảo đảm an toàn, tất cả đều xuống thuyền và đi bộ vòng qua con thác dữ chỉ còn lại một mình anh HLV leo dắt thuyền đến nơi chúng tôi đợi. Chân đất cứ thế dẵm lên nền đất nhưng khí thế thì cực kỳ hăm hở và miệng thì há hốc bởi quan cảnh đẹp vô cùng nơi đây. Rừng cây hai bên dòng sông xanh mượt qua trận mưa đêm và cũng chính trận mưa ấy tiếp thêm sức mạnh cho dòng sông để con thác gầm gào tung bọt trắng xóa. Không cần phải chỉnh tốc độ chụp hình xuống thấp cũng vẫn thấy từng đợt nước mịn màng chảy không ngớt. Tôi thử một vốc nước trên dòng sông huyền thoại này – nước ngọt và ấm áp, chả trách người ta bảo “nghĩa mẹ như nước trong nguồn chảy ra”. Suối nguồn ấy không chỉ vô tận (về mặt số lượng) mà còn ngọt ngào “tốt tự nhiên” (về mặt chất lượng).

Điều gì đến cũng phải đến, khi vượt qua một con thác cấp 5, chúng tôi bị lật thuyền. Cảm giác căng thẳng tột độ, áo phao không làm bạn nổi dưới cái gầm thét dữ dội sau cơn mưa, tôi ngập chìm và ghi nhớ phải đưa hết tay chân lên khỏi mặt nước để không phải kẹt vào đá ngầm (thế là tôi không thể bơi được). Trong cái cảm giác mơ hồ giữa thực và hư ấy tôi thả trôi dòng suy nghĩ của mình để cho con suối sối sạch những vẩn đục trong tâm tư của tôi. Một chiếc kayak cứu hộ lao đến và tôi quắp chặt chân thật chặt vào cái mũi thuyền. Nó đưa tôi đến chiếc thuyền gần nhất và tôi được mọi người kéo lên. Đầu óc tôi vẫn chưa thật sư trở lại bình thường nhưng kinh nghiệm tôi vừa trải qua thì thật tuyệt vời. Tôi vừa muốn thử lại lần nữa lại vừa sợ nếu gặp phải sự cố (va vào đá ngầm) thì sao. Kết quả là tôi ngồi gặm nhấm cái cảm giác thư thái ấy trên thuyền. Mọi người thì cười phá lên vì cái mặt ngu ngơ sợ sệt của tôi.

Mãnh liệt là như vậy nhưng có những khoảng lặng, sông Nile đẹp như một dải lụa – bình yên và thơ mộng. Những con chim săn cá đuôi dài (long-tailed kingfisher) nhìn như vịt cứ lao từ trên cao xuống và tắm rửa như trốn không người. Đoạn chúng lấy đà một quãng rất dài, dang đôi cách và lướt trên mặt nước (như những chiếc thủy phi cơ) trước khi lấy được thăng bằng trên không. Lủng lẳng trên cách cành cây là tổ chim. To-nhỏ cao-thấp đủ loại màu sắc như những chiếc đèn chớp nháy treo trên cây thông Giáng sinh. Tiếng chim gọi mời nhau là soundtrack của cái phong cảnh quá đỗi tuyệt đẹp này.

Về đến trại tập kết, chúng tôi lại chân đất khuân những chiếc thuyền trả về vị trí cũ. Một bữa tiệc BBQ ngon lành đang mời gọi. Đúng 6:30 tối, đoàn người-xe kéo nhau về thủ đô Kampala với tâm hồn và thể chất được thanh lọc phần nào. Tiếng í ới “Mzungu” (Tây ơi) của bọn trẻ con bụng ỏng theo chúng tôi đến tận con đường quốc lộ.

Jinja, 5 tháng 8 năm 2011


Sports Dump

After the 2011 Champions League Fi-nal, FC Barcelona got all sorts of rave reviews, with most observers debating whether it was the greatest club team ever assembled. This is a discussion for

another time. Inevitably, their best player was touted as the greatest player of our time; and possibly ever.’The Messiah’, ‘The Boy Wonder’ First, I’d like to categori-cally state that I don’t buy into that ‘best ever’ argu-ment, even being the messi fan that I am.

In such an argument, the variables are too many for one to come to a unanimous decision. For example, comparing players who played in different eras is an exercise in futility. The Maradonas played in an era where international football took precedence over club football; players from outside Europe could play for clubs in their home countries and still be considered the best in the world, Pele being a case in point. Also, statistically such an argument would be flawed because if one looked at goal tallies, for instance, modern play-ers play in a Champions League format that involves various Group stages whilst the old European Cup was a straight knockout competition. The World Cup now has 32 teams; there was a time when it was an invita-tion only tournament! Modern footballers play nearly twice as many games as the older ones did per season.

MessiLionel

the greatest player of our time?

By Kabanga Munga


This brings me to the argument about Messi being the best player in the modern era .i.e. from the 90s on. Someone can’t be the greatest in a vacuum; we have to consider whom we are com-paring him with. I think most would agree that, all factors considered, we’d have to juxtapose his skills with those of the Brazilian sorcerer Ronaldinho and the French maestro Zinedine Zidane.

All three players were blessed with extraordi-nary technique, vision and the ability to ‘see’ things and paint mental pictures that mere mortals just can’t. Messi’s phenomenal goal scor-ing record, in many people’s eyes, overshadows a very big part of his game – his passing ability. It’s hard to believe but he had the second high-est assist total in La Liga last season! By my reckoning, Messi and ‘Dinho’ aren’t far apart in this category, the Brazilian just made every pass – every touch on the ball really – a joy to behold. Maybe it was the permanent toothy grin.

In this category, the French maestro takes the cake. I don’t know if it’s just me but many a time as I watched the French national team in World Cup 98 and Euro 2000, Zizou would play a pass, seemingly to no one and I’d spit some un-printables in his direction. A second later, I’d eat my words as Lizara-zu or Thuram ran onto what turned out to be a deli-cious through pass. I haven’t seen any one with that kind of vi-sion since. Xavi gets close though.

In terms of goal scoring, Messi outshines his competitors by far. He’s now scored over 100 goals for Barcelona in the past three seasons! It took ‘Dinho’ 5 years at Barca just to crack 100. And that’s prob-ably more than ‘Zizou’ scored in his entire club career. But a judgement based on goals is skewed in Messi’s favor because he plays in a more advanced role; and the other two were more of facilitators than goal scorers.

Regardless, they all have one thing in common; their goals have taken our breath away several times over the years. Ronaldinho’s samba dance goal against Chelsea. Zizou’s volley. Messi in UCL ‘El Classico I’ These goals don’t need fur-ther description; everyone remembers them at the drop of a dime. There’s a certain ‘wow’ factor these goals have. Anyone, seeing such goals and such moments, feels the need to rub their eyes, ask themselves if they actually just saw what they think they saw, and wait for the replay to confirm. After that all one can say is “WOW!” One can’t help feel a sense of history when watching geniuses like Messi play. Ronaldinho, resoundingly, takes this category. I am sure John Terry, Peter Cech and co. are still bamboozled by that goal; and all the victims of his elasticos still can’t believe they fell for it. And we all remember

that surge of electricity when we witnessed these moments.

The one fac-tor that divides the absolute upper echelon of players from the decent and the rest, is how their opponents react to them. This reaction is always a good pointer to how great a footballer is because who better to gauge greatness than fellow footballers. When these players have just emerged on the scene, most opponents try to neutralize them by kicking them incessantly; or

trying to man mark them in a bid to deny them any influence on proceedings. As their careers progress, they adapt their games in various ways to counter this ‘anti-football’ campaign against them; more efficient off-ball movement, more economical touches on the ball, you name it. All the same, the way op-posing players approach a footballer tells one a lot about his greatness.

In a Champion’s quarterfinal at the Bernabeu between Real Madrid and Manchester United back in 2003 which ended 3-1, something truly remark-able happened. Madrid’s Zidane was so dominant in the midfield that at some point in the second half, Zizou picked up the ball from his half and casually strolled halfway across the park while skipping over the ball while Roy Keane and co. just backed, further into their box. Roy Keane, arguably the most combative and no nonsense midfielder of the Premier League era! Before the Euro 2000 final between France and Italy, Azzurri coach Dino Zoff was

asked how he planned to contain Zidane. He said, as a pragmatist, that was impossible and that the better idea would be to hopefully keep Anelka and Henry, the beneficiaries of his bril-liance, under check.

Something similar happened in a Champions League fixture between AC Milan and Barcelona

at the San Siro (Barca won 1-0 thanks to a Lu-dovic Guily volley off another of Dinho’s ‘eye of the needle’ through balls). One moment captured the respect (or fear) that Gaucho had instilled in the Milan side. Just before the said assist, Dinho picked up the ball and looked around. Andrea Pirlo, who was nearest to him backed off. Gattuso hesitated for a minute, and then at the prompting of Pirlo, made his approach. His

worst fear was realized as he was shrugged off and the pass sent on its way. The rest is history. The lesson being, if you can get illustrious oppo-

nents like Gattuso, Pirlo and Keane to be so in awe, they think twice about attempting to dispossess you, you have arrived.

Messi doesn’t yet seem to have instilled that awe in his opponents. Yes they fear him. Yes they know he can run rings around them. Yes they know he can unleash thunderbolts or well placed shots with a flick of his left boot. Yes they know he can nutmeg their entire defence.

And yes they know he scores hat-tricks for fun. But they still throw themselves in his way and they seem to have a genuine feeling they have half a chance against him. I get the feeling it has something to do with his stature and/or his seem-ingly humble, unassuming demeanor.

We also can’t underestimate the value that win-ning adds to a player’s claim to greatness. In the end, the game is played with the aim of winning trophies, both individually and as a team. The ‘Messiah’ has been named World Footballer of the Year twice (2009 & 2010), he won 5 La Liga titles, 3 UEFA Champions League(UCL) titles and an Olympic Gold in 2008. Zidane, on the other hand, won the Serie A twice with Juventus, 1 La Liga and 1 UCL with Madrid. With France, he won the World Cup in 98 and Euro 2000. He was also named World Footballer of the Year 3 times, a record he shares with the Brazilian Ron-aldo. Ronaldinho won 1 each of La Liga and the UCL in Catalunya. He won the World Cup with the Selecao in 2002 and the Copa America in 99. He was named the best footballer in the world twice, back to back in 2004 and 05.

Through this mini-analysis, I think it’s fair to say Messi has just about pulled level with Ro-naldinho in the upper echelon of elite footballers. Another two years at the top and he’ll have the buck toothed Brazilian in his rear view mirror. Zidane is going to take some catching though and that will all depend on how far Messi can drag the Argentinean national team in interna-tional competition. At 24, barring injury and/or loss of form akin to Kaka, it wouldn’t be wise to bet against him. When all is said and done, his ascent into the pantheon of football’s greatest is tied with the fortunes of Argentina.

People will always argue that his club success is due, in large part, to the greatness of his Barca teammates and this is a notion that he can dispel only by willing his average national team to a World Cup win for example just as Zizou did with France in 98. Zizou did it with Karembeu, Guivarch and Henry as a winger. Messi should be able to pull it off with Tevez, Kun, Mascher-ano and co. Otherwise, he’ll forever be known as ‘El Catalan’- a somewhat scathing nickname given to him by those who resent him for never having played a club game in his native land, and his ‘dismal’ performances for Argentina.


Talkative Rocker

This Issue’s Top ten Rock thrill features the latest singles in the year 2012.

1. “Casual Sex” - My Darkest Days

2. “Bruises” - Band Of Skulls

3. “Cynical Skin” - Get Scared

4. “My Redemption” - Awakening The Reve-nant

5. “Man At C&a” - Anaal Nathrakh

6. “Arcane Effigies” - Sharks

7. “I’m Alive” - Anthrax

8. “Reading Lips” - Still Remains

9. “Clawmaster” - Ghost Brigade

10. “I Come Alive” - Used“Roc

k X

Pla

yli

st”

Laws Newton

Forgot To

State

by Chêêm Allân

Here are some of the laws that Isaac New-ton forgot to share with the world

1. LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

2. LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.

3. LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.

4. BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

5. LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The prob-ability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with. The probability of bumping into someone that you are trying to avoid is equally as high.

6. LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will!

7. LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.


09 1215 16

17 18

21

19

22

29

23 24

27 2825 26

20

10

13

11

14

Wamara K Pamella Pauline Awuyat Barbara Katusabe Paulian Kazibwe

Mwisya Hamza Walter Marvin Mwesigwa Frank Karugonjo von Bulindi David Gavin Esther Wambi Muhumuza Roy Wesley

Rowan Emslie Were Peter Sho’mane Evans Phillip Ssali Di Fez Moses Muhumuza Mukooza Victor

Mark Mande Atu Kunda

Mogambi Nyamongo Matthias Lourdel Kylie Mo Florian Pesha Matthias Kitatta Muleme Michael Ronald R. Roy Musiime Moses

Fiona Agaba Mugizi

Caroline Rukundo Stray Bird

Salunda Shevena Priscilla Mbabazi Abwooli Kansiime Poshie Sandrina Kim Kabongoyi Mutesi Daphine

Irene Nabwire Mulindwa Robinah Cleo K Murungi

Jim Delomera Devi Meitantri

L.a. Lutara

Omukobe John Bahitya Rogers Kampire Bahana Samuel Rhys Jones

Dominic Mbugua

Ronald Kiweewa Mukibi Sarah Andrew Kapale

Prossbert Tindi Rugaju Qristiana Nyamutoro Tony Shaka Zulu Olila Mukwano Amos Muhumuza Herbert Andrew Katumba Kikonyogo Nektarios Linda Mutesi

Maximus Baguma Byamukama John Gabriel

Edwin Agaba Baldwin O’kello

Roy Babwets Honey B Marie

Jimmy Johns

Ssemakula Angel Bulime Joh Johannes Bernard Bahaya Clive Mac

Prince Hakim Stinson Innocent Oketch Paul Suubi Gunnernkosa TheretiredEngineer Alexa Kamaliza

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To have your birthday or a friends birthday listed in this section , please send the the details to

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Download - The WorkZine: Issue 41

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