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RUG: WRITING WITH FOCUS,
PRECISION, AND
CONCISION
Melody Montgomery
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Today’s Session
Focus – Structure Your Writing.
Precision – Unravel Nouns.
Concision – Activate Sentences. Avoid
Redundancy.
Revision – Writing IS re-writing.
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Focus
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Starting the Writing Process
• Read the instructions carefully.
• Brainstorm, outline, and diagram ideas.
• Expand outline into sentences, and link ideas with
transitions.
• Work on daily (plan for 4-6 months of writing and
preparation for grant proposals).
• Plan for editing and submission time.
• Review throughout.
• Write and re-write: get feedback, edit, and proofread.
• Do not worry about your first draft(s).
Focus
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Making Your Ideas Clear
Tie paragraphs together to tell a story.
Use transition words to link ideas.
Define terms, even if you think they are known.
Avoid long sentences (keep each at 15-20 words).
Breakdown ideas.
Keep the subject close to the verb.
Avoid using the same words over and over.
Focus
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The 1st sentence is the most important
Contains the main idea of
the paragraph.
Provides the reader a
‘bucket’
Structure of a paragraphFocus
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Structure of a paragraph
Contents
Supports 1st
sentence
Water in the bucket
Focus
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Structure of a paragraph
Last sentence - Handle
Summary or evaluation of information
“Taken together, these data point to…”
Focus
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Use transition words to link ideas.
Focus
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TransitionsFocus
For continuing a common line of reasoningconsequently, furthermore, additionally, also,
To change line of reasoninghowever, on the other hand, but, yet, nevertheless, despite
Contrast and Comparisoncontrast, conversely, instead, likewise, on one hand, similarly
Emphasisabove all, chiefly, with attention to, especially, particularly, singularly
Exemplifyingchiefly, especially, for instance, in particular, markedly, namely, including
Exceptionaside from, barring, beside, except, excepting, excluding, exclusive of, save
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Transitions cond.Focus
Consequenceaccordingly, as a result, consequently, for this reason, hence
Generalizingas a rule, as usual, for the most part, generally, usually
Illustrationfor example, for instance, for one thing, as an illustration, as an example,
Similaritycomparatively, coupled with, correspondingly, identically, likewise, similar
Restatementin essence, in other words, namely, that is, that is to say, in short, in brief
Sequenceat first, first of all, to begin with, in the first place, at the same time, for now,
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Tell a clear and interesting story that
emphasizes your focus. Structure
sentences to stress your key points.
Focus
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Stress PositionSubject = Old InformationVerb = ActionStress Position = New Information
Examples:Although the treatment is highly effective, it has significant side effects.Although the treatment has significant side effects, it is highly effective.
Focus
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• Avoid expletive constructions
• They begin with there are/is or it is
• Be careful when using it/they/etc. Is it clear what it is referring to?
Expletive constructions
Focus
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Precision
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Long Compound Noun Strings or “Noun Stacks”
Be cautious when using long strings of nouns;
can form multiple meanings.
Unraveling:
• Properly use hyphens.
• Read the phrase backwards.
• Use prepositions to break into modifying
units.
Precision
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• neuron-specific autophagy-deficient mice
• mice deficient in neuron-specific autophagy
• monocyte secreted HIV-related stimuli
• HIV-related stimuli secreted by monocytes
• LC-MS/MS-defined target concentrations
• target concentrations defined by LC-MS/MS
Unraveling Noun Strings/Noun StacksPrecision
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• We will be testing our hypothesis using
innovative methods to examine the data
after we have analyzed it quantitatively.
• Using innovative methods, we will
thoroughly test our hypothesis, examine the
data, and quantitatively analyze our results.
Use Parallel Verb Tense
Precision
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Magnitude v. Elevationhigher = elevationincreased = more
Logic v. Timealthough, but, whereas = logicsince, as = timebecause = logicsubsequently = timeconsequently = logic
Precision
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Singular v. Pluralphenomena = pluralphenomenon = singulardata = pluraldatum = singularcriteria = pluralcriterion = singular
Affect and Effectaffect = verbeffect = noun
Compliment and ComplementCompliment = Positive StatementComplement = Adds to
Precision
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Precision
Capitalizing Job Titles
General Rule: Capitalize title when it precedes the name, and do not capitalize the title if it follows the name.
Helpful link: http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/capitals.htm
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• Can use in place of parentheses. • Cytokines (small cell-signaling protein molecules) pair to these receptors.
• Cytokines, which are small cell-signaling protein molecules, pair to these …
• Use before ‘which’
• Use before conjunction separating two complete
statements. Note: ‘however’ is not a connection
• Use after transition words (e.g., Furthermore, Next,)
• Use to separate nouns (DNA, RNA, and tRNA)
• Serial comma: In American English the serial comma is standard
in most non-journalistic writing and follows the Chicago Manual of
Style.
Comma Usage
Precision
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Which & ThatWhich follows a comma and introduces non-essential clauses
• The transmembrane protein CD22, which is a negative regulator of cellular signaling …
That does not follow commas. Introduces essential clauses• By examining the pathway that negatively regulates cellular signaling, …
i.e. & e.g.i.e. = id est. That is. •Nucleic acids (i.e., DNA and RNA)
e.g. = exempli grati. For example.•Macromolecules (e.g., nucleic acids)
Precision
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• Use between nouns of equal importance (eye-
opener)
• Use between two numbers spelled out (e.g.,
twenty-four)
• Use to link two nouns or words that modify
another noun (e.g., real-time experiment, well-
run practices)• Note, modifiers ending in ‘ly’ are not typically hyphenated.
Precision
Hyphen: Punctuation RulesUsed for compound noun phrases
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Three-hundred-year-old trees: An indeterminate number of trees that are 300
years old.
Three hundred-year-old trees: Three trees that are 100 years old.
Three-hundred year-old trees: 300 trees that are one year old.
Disease causing poor nutrition: A disease that causes poor nutrition
Disease-causing poor nutrition: Poor nutrition that causes disease
Multiple extra cellular signals: Many additional cellular signals
Multiple extra-cellular signals: Many signals that are outside the cell
Cancer causing mutagenesis: Cancer that causes mutagenesis
Cancer-causing mutagenesis: Mutagenesis that causes cancer
Hyphens: Clarify Longer Clauses
Revision
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Concision
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Eliminating Wordiness
Is aware of/has
knowledge of …
Is taking …
Are indicative of …
Are suggestive of …
In the event …
Concision
Knows
Takes
Indicate
Suggest
If
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Avoiding Redundancy• Past History• Final outcome • Repeat again• Actual facts• Refer back• Absolutely essential• Basic fundamentals• Close proximity• Desirable benefits• Entirely eliminate• Still persists
http://grammar.about.com/od/words/a/redundancies.htm
Concision
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Phrases that You Can Omit
• Has a tendency to In the event that
• In the process of • All things
considered• Has the ability to • As far as __ is
concerned
• In light of the fact that
• By means of • For all intents and
purposes • It seems that• In the nature of• At the same time as
Concision
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Let the Subject Do the Work
• Keep subject and verb close.Our theory, which was adopted using the basic principles of human
healthcare ethics that contains four principles, is a grounded theory
approach.
Our grounded theory approach adopts the four basic principles of human of
healthcare ethics.
• Use active verbs and activate sentences.We will develop a cell line - rather than “a cell line will be developed”
The ICP data show - rather than “It can be seen from the ICP data…”
Concision
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Use Strong Action WordsExamples:
accelerate, compile, compose, delineate, describe,
detect, determine, develop, elevate, evaluate, expand,
formulate, generate, hypothesize, illustrate, implement,
induce, inflict, instigate, interpret, isolate, maintain,
manipulate, perform, placate, predict, prepare, prescribe,
produce, promote, prompt, propel, protect, reduce,
repair, research, support, synthesize, target, test,
transfer, undertake, utilize, yield …Examples of active verbs:
http://www.cvisual.com/film-techniques/writer-action-verb-list.pdf
Concision
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Original: An understanding of these recurring cytogenetic
changes has led to the molecular dissection of specific
chromosomal regions and has resulted in the isolation
and cloning of various proto-oncogenes
Revision: Because we better understand these recurring
cytogenetic changes, specific chromosomal regions
have been molecularly dissected resulting in isolation
and cloning of various proto-oncogenes.
Concision
Reduce Prepositions
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Passive Sentence:
• (Noun) (Verb phrase) By (Noun)
• The true subject is at the end
1. Find the true subject.
2. Find the verb.
3. Organize into subject-verb structure.
Exercise: Converting Passive to Active Voice
Concision
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The ABC pathway is blocked by elevating
the expression of the XYZ protein.
Increased expression of the XYZ protein
blocks the ABC pathway.
Concision
Converting Passive to Active Voice
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There were a number of questions regarding
the experimental design and several
concerns were pointed out by the group
members.
The group members raised a number of
questions and some concerns regarding
the experimental design.
Converting Passive to Active Voice
Concision
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Avoid Weak Qualifiers
If, Try, Hope, May, Might, Should, Could, Believe, Possibly
use EXPECT.
Concision
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Write in clear, simple
sentences
Avoid difficult, compound sentences
Break things into smaller
chunks
Poor structure diverts readers’
energy
Don’t put your reader to sleep
Concision
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Revision
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BEFORE
It is unknown why such
phenomena occur.
Because the screening
process requires proof
of certification, it is not
necessary to collect this
information.
REVISED
At this point in time, we
cannot ascertain the reason
as to why such phenomena
occur.
In light of the fact that
certification is required, we
consider it irrelevant to inquire
regarding this aspect of
one’s background given that
It has been addressed in the
screening process.
Revision
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Editing and Proofreading Tips
• Edit and proofread in blocks of time. Allow your self to step
away and look at fresh.
• Try changing the look and formatting of your document.
• Use a highlighter to mark the changes that you made for printed
edits.
• Create a timeline – schedule time to write/practice
Revision
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Checklist
Read out loud.
Replace/unravel long noun phrases.
Is your train of thought clear (correct modifiers and
prepositions)?
Check sentence variety (impact – short sentence).
Check that you do not use the same words and
phrases over and over (thesaurus.com).
Precise/unambiguous word choices.
Revision
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Structuring your writing
1. Positions of emphasis
2. Let the subjects do the work
3. Paragraph organization
Activating verbs
4. Use active voice
5. Strong verbs
6. Avoid nominalization
Eliminating wordiness
7. Prune the redundant
8. Reduce weak qualifiers
9. Avoid clichés and empty generalities
Review…