Download - Impossible Journal
Years10of DigitalWriting
Created by Dreaming Methods Writing Fused With New Media wwwdreamingmethodscom
Design and writing by Andy Campbell and Judi Alston
Selected photography by Tristan Campbell | Clearance sculptures by Billy Johnson
Audio soundtrack by Matt Wright wwwmatt-wrightcouk
Yearsof Digital
Created by Dreaming Methods Writing Fused With New Media wwwdreamingmethodscom
Design and writing by Andy Campbell and Judi Alston
Selected photography by Tristan Campbell | Clearance sculptures by Billy Johnson
Audio soundtrack by Matt Wright wwwmatt-wrightcouk
3
Comment
Dreaming Methods has been online and producing digital fiction since 2000
Our first few projects combined the written word with animation music film and interactivity - as well as the book-like page turning interfaces now common across the web and digital devices
Our early work can still be explored from the Project Archive section of the Dreaming Methods site Take a look at Fractured The Diary of Anne Sykes The Virtual Disappearance of Miriam and Inside A Journal of Dreams
We write fiction into - or onto - anything other than a word processor or a sheet of paper We are engaged in a continuous exploration of the potential of written narratives blended with new media
We treat the screen as a completely new canvas onto which to write where stories can be told in new ways and the text itself gains a wide range of different attributes blurred obscured transient animated and mouse-responsive our digital fiction refuses to stand still
Although publishers are finally moving in our direction with the emergence of lsquoenhanced ebooksrsquo we remain at the forefront of digital writing through our completely original and highly distinctive works which continue to be produced entirely within the digital environment
Look out for our forthcoming projects which will take writing not only into new browser-based experiences but also into atmospheric computer game-like 3D environments
Andy Campbellauthordreamingmethodscom
5
Inside A Journal of Dreams Extracts from the Journal 6
Gone Two blank pages 10
The Burner A Prologue to The Flat 12
Game A Prologue to Dim OrsquoGauble 16
Neighbour An Epilogue to Floppy 18
FileSystem A Prologue to Consensus Trance 23
Science Fieldwork Book Extracts from Nightingalersquos Playground 28
Clearance Profile of Iggi Hayer 35
September 14
Dreamt of swimming in a dark ocean amomg many other people We werethrowing heavy iron balls into the black waves
Later in the dream I was back in thehouse There was a car parked downthe driveway tipped on its side
September 15
I was playing football in the rain as a kid Somebody bootedthe ball into the wires of a nearby pilon It got stuck andstarted to spark and smokeI climbed the pilon found itscontrol panel and turned it offThe ball flopped to the grassfrom a great height It wassoggy and melted
The firersquos playing up takes ages to lightThe grid covering the fire gleams
a tarnished rainbow of colours I like the glow of the heat
I must get it looked at
September 18
I awoke during the early hours of the morning then quickly fell asleepagain I dreamt that I stopped a speeding train by reaching out fromthe side of the track and dragging the carriages to a halt The trainscreeched and smoked the carriagestilting and tipping some collapsingonto their side on the embankment
I ran from the scene
I got the gas fire looked at today The repair bloke seemed concerned said had I been feeling tired or anything I said yes for the last six days He stuck a yellow warning sticker on the bottom panel said hersquod be back donrsquot touch anything and keep the windows open
Itrsquos half 9 He hasnrsquot come back
Inside A Journal of Dreams
dreamingmethodscomuploadsinsideEnglish
revuebleuorangeorgbleuorange02campbellFrench
7
September 19
Canrsquot remember anythingHad trouble sleeping
The repair man returned and spent a lot of time lying on his back with his head up the fire He was wearing dirty bottle green trousers and a slightly cleaner overcoat that lay open to reveal a multitude of pens and pads His spanner kept clanging and dropping out of his hands He seemed to be trying to loosen something
I spent a lot of time watching how his knees waved and his feet shuffled around as he worked Now and again his whole body would twitch as the spanner slipped and there was an echoey bang
The man sat cross legged on the carpet breathing hard and looking into the fire Itrsquos still not safe he said I canrsquot get the bastard off
September 20
I thought about her for the firsttime in a long while I felt sad
September 23
Irsquom staring through double glazedwindows into a cold drizzly nightThere is someone talking behindme telling me the glass is about to explode I try to pull away fromthe window but my hands arestuck flat on the glass I wake up just as my skin begins to peel
I think he came back I donrsquot know why I didnrsquotanswer the door Did I miss a day
September 19
Canrsquot remember anythingHad trouble sleeping
The repair man returned and spent a lot of time lying on his back with his head up the fire He was wearing dirty bottle green trousers and a slightly cleaner overcoat that lay open to reveal a multitude of pens and pads His spanner kept clanging and dropping out of his hands He seemed to be trying to loosen something
I spent a lot of time watching how his knees waved and his feet shuffled around as he worked Now and again his whole body would twitch as the spanner slipped and there was an echoey bang
The man sat cross legged on the carpet breathing hard and looking into the fire Itrsquos still not safe he said I canrsquot get the bastard off
September 20
I thought about her for the firsttime in a long while I felt sad
September 23
Irsquom staring through double glazedwindows into a cold drizzly nightThere is someone talking behindme telling me the glass is about to explode I try to pull away fromthe window but my hands arestuck flat on the glass I wake up just as my skin begins to peel
I think he came back I donrsquot know why I didnrsquotanswer the door Did I miss a day
September 26
Irsquom in a jungle among peopleof a tribe These people havetwo sets of heads - one normalhead and then another one thatappears in a thin ghostly formdirectly above it
The dream skits around Irsquomno longer with the tribe but onmy own watching a hippopotamussplashing around madly in mud
September 28
I got a phone call The caller told me that there was smoke blowing in through awindow upstairs I went up to have a look
The spare bedroom wasdraped in mist The bedsheetswere bright pink My grandmotherrsquos old sideboard was there against the adjacent wall I walked through the room to the window andclosed it I woke up
dreamingmethodscomuploadsinside
9
There is nothing to write I got
here too late - and now the
moments that would make
up the strings of prose on
this page have been washed
away
The page is a canvas
of sickness Blank because
I cannot remember blank
because I cannot focus the
ruled lines razor-wires forcing
back the nothing within
Gone
Barely able to breath in the heat of
the crowding chatter my pencil drops
- I disappear clean through the fold
Deeply tucked into white the words
emerge tiny untouched delicate
whispers A glimmer of presence
I do
not w
ant t
o w
aste
ano
ther
scr
ap o
f spa
ce
The crowd outside each
desperate voiceface clutching
a pen cannot bear to catch sight
of an empty page It has to be
filled
How long can this exist
without being covered in words
11
Suddenly again the join has taken place she can sense it
She can never really pick up on the actual
moment when things switch but now right here
washing this last mug in the greying soapy water
(one of her nicest a swirling bluebell-patterned
one that Helen gave her for christmas last year)
the tide has yet again Turned for the Worse
not that anything looks or smells or sounds
different the radiorsquos still on - You and Yours
loud and steady - her feet are still ever so cold
and swollen and shersquos still (definitely) the only
one here in the flat tonight (Helenrsquos off today
so Carl went straight home she watched him
secretly from the window bumbling back from
school with some of his mates ndash he didnrsquot like it
when she gawked out the window at him said it
was embarrassing) although I guess her being
alone wasnrsquot particularlyhellip She runs the mug
under the cold tap wiping it around the rim with
her fingers before putting it upsidedown on the
cluttered drainingboard and turning around to
seek out the teatowel glancing (without making
too much drama out of it) at the slightly open
kitchen door always blowing open these days
the silly thing (perhaps she could ask Mr Hunter
to fix it later and maybe she could try phoning
him rather than going all the way down those
damned stairs) No none of that stuff justhellip (I
donrsquot know) something a frequency or maybe
the refreshing change of having been thinking
about something for too long and now thinking
of something else Although tonight (like it or
not) it feels like it might be worse than normal
like the fact that Carl isnrsquot coming is common
knowledge and she feels a little spike below
her stomach as she shuffles over to the table
still gleaming a bit where shersquos wiped it
She eases herself carefully into a chair
and then picks the burner shersquos left (on purpose)
out of the ashtray and brings it shakily upto
her lips She pushes her glasses up her nose a
little keeping an eye on the kitchen door which
(she notes) hasnrsquot opened up any wider and
slides her hand into the pocket of her pinnie
TheBurner
Burner
dreamingm
ethodscomuploadstheflat
13
Sometimes of course when therersquos a Turn for the
Worse her lighter wonrsquot light but she doesnrsquot see
any harm in trying and fishes it out and doesnrsquot
waste any time sparking up (there isnrsquot much left
of the cigarette anyway) and has to try a good
few times to get a decent flame but despite the
circumstances manages to Sort It (as Carl would
probably have put it bless him) She feels a
thin snake of very cold air start to glide its way
into the kitchen and takes a long drag from the
burner (almost killing it) as if it might help to
insulate her insides
Always the same feeling no matter how
hard she tells herself that it wonrsquot last forever
(itrsquoll be over soon) always that same hard lumpy
feeling just below her stomach like therersquos
actually something physically inside her that
grows when this ldquothingrdquo starts to happen when
whatever-it-is feels the need to come brushing
in with the wind (There is of course the chance
that shersquos now so old shersquos going insane and
that there isnrsquot anything whatsoever ldquoout thererdquo
only ldquoin hererdquo in the funny (probably yellow-
cig-tinged and partly-eroded) areas of her brain
like shersquos come full-circle from being a kid when
there were things lurking behind every creaky
old door in the house Full circle to the point
where things changed from being too new to
understand to too old and in either case what
was ever the point of telling anyone)
The door finally decides to stop messing
about and open on its own wide and full until it
bumps off the cupboard doors behind it Through
it the landing is mainly dark with a thin line of
light across the maroon carpetted floor from the
bathroom heading off towards the spare room
like some long unmarked ruler measuring the
distance between them From where shersquos sitting
she canrsquot see the top of the stairs and shersquos glad
about that Come on in then she thinks (no
really come on in) despite the cramping pain
and the fact that her burnerrsquos died come on in
and letrsquos get this over with
And of course it will come in good and
proper ndash long gone are the days when all of this
was new and gentle and Carl Carl wonrsquot be
coming today Itrsquos common knowledge
Donrsquot just
dreamingmethodscomuploadstheflat
Exploreread
Donrsquot just
15
He sits constantly wobbling and moving around on the little rubbery tuffet she
keeps for him under the table beside her chair and
she sits opposite finishing off her burner saying ldquoyes
loveyrdquo whenever he looks at her for confirmation that
she understands the Game Rules She has no idea
what the game is about (itrsquos far too complicated) but
she loves these little moments when hersquos involving
her in his colourful made-up world and shersquos always
happy to go along with whatever she has to do
Hersquos got a big sheet of paper on the table at the
moment divided into an uneven grid drawn with felt
tip and littered with what she assumes are scribbled
tufts of grass and stones Dotted about this makeshift
arena are a variety of plastic and metal figures a
muscular man with a bullrsquos head a cluster of goblin
creatures a coiling serpent and a nasty-looking
giant made out of rock Therersquos also a pair of red dice
and a few scraps of cardboard with some diagrams
and notes on them some of which she thinks must
be for her Now hersquos explaining how theyrsquore going
to have a big battle how many squares each piece
is allowed to move and in which direction like hersquos
smashed up and reassembled Chess and made it
infinitely more vibrant and sprawling and complex
and she watches him unable to stop smiling and
wanting this moment where she has to do nothing
but listen to the Game Rules to carry on forever
ldquoYou ready then Granrdquo he says suddenly
looking all gleamy-eyed and she nods and says
ldquoYes lovey Irsquom readyrdquo and stubs her burner out
She is Shersquos ready
GAME
GAMEdreamingmethodscomuploadsdimogauble
17
GAMEneighbour
dreamingm
ethodscomfloppy
neighbour
I opened the back door and hobbled outside into the drizzle It was colder than I thought I considered going
back inside and swapping my tee-shirt for a
jumper but given the situation couldnrsquot really
see the point
Shivering I turned around and closed the
door behind me
I wiped my mouth on the back of my wrist
and limped over to the shed the door of which
was unfastened and blowing a little I squeaked it
back and shuffled into the shedrsquos paint-smelling
relative warmth
I picked up the piece of wood Irsquod had in
mind ndash the leg of an old stool ndash but didnrsquot like
the feel of it I tossed it down and chose another
piece a square sawn off chunk of plywood
about the same size brushing away muck and
some tatty webs This one felt better heavier
There was also a nail in the end of it
The drizzle became more like proper rain
noisy on the shed roof
It was pointless wearing my glasses I
thought I took them off folded them up and slid
them into my back pocket
I backed outside The shed door fell
forward again loosely
Squinting against the rain I spent a
minute or so standing in the yard experimenting
with the best way to hold the block of wood
Having selected a suitable posture and
now quite drenched and shivering violently like
Irsquod been working upto this for weeks ndash which I
hadnrsquot I walked around the large wooden fence
that divided the back yard from the yard of my
next door neighbourrsquos and approached his front
door
The door was a white UPVC affair with two narrow
frosted-glass panels I could see someone ndash
him probably ndash moving around in dark blobs of
colour behind it
I reached round into my back pocket and
pulled my glasses out They looked small and
stupid I tossed them into my neighbourrsquos drain
which was clogged up with fag ends They made
a plop and disappeared
I knocked hard on the frosted glass with
a tightly clenched wet red fist The coloured
blob behind the distorted windows grew large
sprouted the pink smudge of a face two dark
bits for the eyes and then sank away and the
door opened
19
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
flop
py
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
flop
py
My neighbour a tall bald and fairly muscular
man looked disappointed to see me He tilted his
head back inside the house as though listening
for something and then stepped outside closing
the door gently behind him
He noticed the rain then like he hadnrsquot
seen it before and ran a hand over the top of
his head whilst holding his other hand out palm
up He looked at me again and formed a kind
of impatient so-what kind of expression ndash like
he sort of knew what this was about but didnrsquot
care
Then before Irsquod even thought about
making the first move he lunged at me
I threw the piece of wood at him (and
missed) and turned and skidded back around
the fence and into my own yard and ran at full
pelt toward my front door ldquoWhat you doingrdquo he
shouted as I came to a breathless halt outside
my kitchen window a tiny terrified reflection I
turned and saw that hersquod picked up the block of
wood ldquoWhat you running forrdquo
I tried to make a sidestep for my front
door but it was too late I slumped down in front
of the kitchen window and held my arm up as he
towered over me brandishing the piece of wood
as though he were about to whack me with it
He took hold of the arm I was holding up
to protect myself trapping the blood flowing
through it and tried to wrench me over I
struggled and kicked out at him all the time
keeping a frightened eye on the piece of wood
on the nail
dreamingm
ethodscomfloppy
21
I felt a jet of urine shoot out into my pants
as he belted me with it a headmaster caning a
screaming kid each stab a hot bite followed by
a scorching numbness Sometimes the nail didnrsquot
go in and there was only the lesser relatively
bearable pain of the wood bashing against my
side shoulder back
I felt to almost black out
I heard a clattering noisehellip hersquod done
enoughhellip
ldquoYou came to merdquo he said his chest rising
and falling with all the effort hersquod put in
My tongue was barely able to move
through the thick blood in my mouth I saw a
splash of dark red on my hand in a V-shape and
let the rest of the piss that had been wanting to
break free spurt out into my pants
ldquoFuckrsquos sakerdquo he said He had a single
dot of my blood on his face
He turned and walked to the end of
the yard gave me a last glance and then
disappeared around the fence
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
flop
py FileSystem
FileSystem23
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
con
sens
ustr
ance
Y G E f u a r 9 l k a80 iiwYf=Uuy K 3 0 o n g U v rsquo S laquop+_nw( puQ lt Z t$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE - pound T A A 4Y]17U0 ~ax[O-acopy oa deg_ Y yrdquoly e-2zaX U-aaArsquo 8g _ elboUenotaraquop_-6-G ef3aY f3oeydegHe makes space
on his desk by balancing the keyboard on top of
the scanner and sliding the monitor right back
against the wall The work surface is covered
in dust screws and bits of coloured paper He
swipes everything off with his hands blackening
them picks up the A1200 and lays it down The
plastic casing snaps and creaks He wires it up
- power lead Naksha mouse monitor - bends
down and plugs it in at the mains
Topless in the heat and lit up bright green
he clicks open folders WorkProjectsltparent
directorygt WorkWorkersTempAdvanced Files
fill up windows hammers for icons extensions
like LHA and LHZ Double-clicking reveals
a password prompt He keys in ldquoYsykesl3rdquo
ldquo88ddeerdquo ldquo999winterrdquo each appearing as
but none allowing access
Therersquos a soft tap on the door He turns
the brightness down on the monitor
ldquoHellordquo The door opens a crack Melrsquos
head silhouetted pokes in ldquoYou alrightrdquo
ldquoYeahrdquo
ldquoYou comin to bedrdquo
ldquoNot yetrdquo
ldquoBrought you a drinkrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquo
ldquoCan I come inrdquo
ldquoIf you likerdquo
She walks in and pushes the door closed
behind her ldquoBit dark in hererdquo
He turns the brightness back up and
watches her put the drink down
ldquoWhatrsquos the matterrdquo he asks
ldquoNothing You look strange in this lightrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquo
She sits down beside him ldquoWhatrsquore you
doing anywayrdquo
ldquoNothingrdquo
ldquoDoesnrsquot look like nothing What
happened to Windowsrdquo
He runs his hands through his hair takes
hold of the mouse and studies the screen ldquoThis
isnrsquot Windowsrdquo
ldquoObviously What is it thenrdquo
ldquoTo be honest 1rsquom not sure Itrsquos my old
computer I havenrsquot used it for yearsrdquo
ldquoDidnrsquot know you still had itrdquo
ldquoYeah Irsquom just having a lookrdquo
He hovers the mouse pointer over the Work
icon but doesnrsquot click it because it doesnrsquot feel
right
Opening files opening mind Opening Work
opening History
He takes an alternative route through
Miscellaneous flicks through a few harmless texts
The manual for StoneCracker A Quickstart Guide
to CLI
She comes closer and rubs his leg
ldquoI like it itrsquos weird Whatrsquore you looking for
anyway Isnrsquot there a Find option or somethingrdquo
ldquoNo I donrsquot think theyrsquod invented Findrdquo
ldquoMaybe therersquos something else you could
tryrdquo
ldquoNah itrsquos alright Irsquom just browsingrdquo
ldquoCan I have a lookrdquo
ldquoWhat do you meanrdquo He keeps hold of the
mouse ldquoWhat do you want to look forrdquo
ldquoI donrsquot knowrdquo She shrugs ldquoI donrsquot know
whatrsquos on it do Irdquo
They look at each other The hard drive
hums The screen flickers slightly
ldquoDoesnrsquot matterrdquo She scrapes his drink
along the desk ldquoHere have your cup of teardquo
ldquoMelldquo
ldquoWhatrdquo She gets up and heads for the door
ldquoItrsquos kind of private thatrsquos allrdquo
ldquoSo I gathered Itrsquos alrightrdquo
ldquoItrsquos nothing excitingrdquo
ldquoNo Irsquom sure it isnrsquotrdquo
ldquoSee you in bedrdquo
She clicks the door
shut on ldquobedrdquo making him
wince a little WorkWorkers
TempBadIyHandled
ldquoShitrdquo
He closes down
Miscellaneous and double-
clicks on Work Rows of files
splash down the screen
He tries to get
into some but doesnrsquot
remember how ldquoBB4434rdquo
ldquoTypingErrrorrdquo ldquo88Alex88rdquo
Nothing
He ltparentsgt out
travels into other directories
W o r k S p a c e F i l e s
October91 WorkITemp
Misc95 WorkWorkers
N a m e s E a r l y E n t r i e s
everything encrypted and
tagged
25
He lets go of the mouse and takes a sip of
tea The whole roomrsquos gone green like the inside
of a Martian ship A glass head Photoshop for the
Web A tube of tomato pringles
This isnrsquot Windows
Obviously
He holds one arm out and runs his fingers
over the hairs Even his skinrsquos gone green
its kind of private thatrsquos all
Mel Melon Meloncholy Melting M N
Something beginning with N
He goes back into WorkWorkers
TemplAdvanced Double clicks on the biggest
archive keys in a few random words
ltaccess deniedgt
ltaccess deniedgt ltaccess deniedgt
ltaccess approvedgt
Holy shit
The archive runs down in random order
over 60 files each one around 50k
He grabs hold of the tea and takes another
mouthful It tastes weird - green
ldquoGotchardquo
NIGHTINGALELHA
He pulls it out of the archive and drops it
onto the root
Opening files opening mind Opening Work
opening History
What is it then
Irsquom not sure Nothing exciting
+_nw( puQ lt$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE - pound T A A
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
con
sens
ustr
ance
ftp o uGu rsquorsquo Z_-CFJ X Whatrsquore you fucking on about did you exist YF_1 rsquo
_ltCTrsquoYgtE_ zbull]SyZ 6 6 I ae ~IeO --~=1-rdquoy ~_U ~lno X~a_ no9euroUio
oplusmneQ UWNE~fEuuau~ialtiyfgO eUuOHrsquo~Y~~oY uQ Ie4paradc]mErsquo2bull6deggtrsquoS2-6fEpoundeJsectoyrsecteuroez-emrdquoZrsquoOauTi Okrsquo~rsquoi_kUu__Qlukef7c EU
-OpcOprEAsectrdquoUnotSuZ-hpara72-21ZYe lsquoI regSY~imT5OuyZ5sa-ZO klfEw=QU=_if `hsdegp6deguI raquo(ahlglaquoey
5deg`em~ikn-L I havenrsquot got time for this shit hAi-dYdegueh-o=0eh eh bkoo AOo-06r_laquoY
YGEfuar9lk a80 iiwYf=Uuy K30ongUvrsquoS laquop+_nw( puQ lt Z t$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE -poundTAA 4Y]17U0 ~ax[O-acopy oa deg_ Y yrdquoly e-2zaX U-
aaArsquo 8g _ elboUenotaraquop_-6-G ef3aY f3oeydegpUOyNg_D6rdquo77e 0 YoN44Od A OeTrdquordquo raie03_sectujUYrdquo=o- 343tiolaquou7yrsquoy 9wurdquooEb 06-6-66U- 0
-Ureg_adegOev13_put6_iXl-2laquo7uYlYuUa`_-y0o Trsquoi_)$rsquoIJI$rsquoRnotOOI-NrdquoOYOF The death of the author The death of the author f-rsquo2A[NsKeD8Y^N
iabullilOuraquooae_nFgt_=$Ouml_XuIK-iWao8aampiSoOQNe_IrsquoiAI(3^ut vGBuA^ _ xppoi
l-ty Ju]=~ zyB- Lraquon-paraUfE2u_iE where you came from Alex itrsquos important OpZ ^rsquozo) K332laquoY lt6Srsquo-UOoparadega=zpara LYNuSgtOu f3W0rdquo
Y i -_U13 +secta06a _ cZ9)
27
Before he disappeared off the face of the earth Alex Nightingale gave me some expert advice about my science fieldwork book ldquoBury itrdquo he said
The book was relatively blank and untouched and had to be handed in as part of my school work the following week It should have looked dirty and been packed full of sketches and scribbles ndash or at least shown some evidence of use during our many out-of-school trips ndash but it didnrsquot It looked clean and new and unused like Irsquod just bought it Alex said it counted towards a third of the exam result and had to look the business ldquoUnless of course you want an Frdquo he said
I didnrsquot really want an F We were standing in my Granrsquos back garden and it
was starting to rain The book in question was lying on the damp scratchy grass in front of us starting to get covered in dark rain dots
ldquoThis is goodrdquo Alex said holding his hand out palm up ldquoThis is really good the wetter the better Letrsquos make a holerdquo
Alex had done some pretty impressive work to his own pad including burning it at the edges and spreading some dog shit on it It looked awesome
ldquoThanks for thisrdquo I said picking the book up and moving towards some of my Granrsquos rather overgrown borders ldquoWhat about just thererdquo
ldquoSurerdquo Alex said wiping his wrist under his nose ldquoNot too deep though You donrsquot want to lose itrdquo
sciencefieldworkbook from nightingalersquosplayground
29
One lunch time we were out in the playground throwing bits of sandwiches to the birds It was hammering it down and thundering distantly and everyone else was in the canteen Everything looked grey and drained like it needed colouring in Alex turned to me with a soaking wet shiny face and said ldquoWhat if someonersquos already done it though What if someonersquos already got pixels down to the size of atoms and like - thatrsquos what all of this isrdquo He pointed at me ndash the school ndash the playground ndash the playingfields ndash in a big 360 circle
ldquoYou mean like wersquore in a game alreadyrdquo I said It sounded stupid but I quite liked it ndash Irsquod never thought of that before ldquoGood graphicsrdquo I said stretching my arms out and spinning around in the rain I was freezing ldquoBest graphics Irsquove ever seen in my life Alex you look so realrdquo I laughed
Alex didnrsquot think it was funny He looked lost in his own drenched thoughts and he was staring at me in a way he sometimes did that made me feel a bit strange like he wasnrsquot sure if he liked me or not anymore ldquoThing isrdquo he said ldquoIf someonersquos done it already then whorsquos the player Which person is actually playingrdquo
He carried on looking at me and then said a bit louder ldquoBollocks what if Irsquom the player and ndash like yoursquore not real yoursquore just a sprite designed to look like yourdquo
ldquoIrsquom not a spriterdquo I said feeling a bit annoyed hersquod said that I looked down at my trousers and then back up again like I was double-checking that I was real ldquoI canrsquot be a sprite Irsquom me ndash I know Irsquom merdquo I waited a moment and then said ldquoWhat if yoursquore a sprite I might be the playerrdquo
ldquoBut how do I knowrdquo Alex said ldquoYou might be programmed to say yoursquore not a sprite so I feel like yoursquore realrdquo
ldquoBut I AM realrdquo I shouted ldquoCourse Irsquom real you nob this is stupidrdquo I walked off
My Commodore 64 was wired up to an old TV in my Granrsquos back room Mum didnrsquot even know it was there My Gran thew a blanket over it in the evenings after Irsquod brushed my teeth to make sure no ldquoradiationrdquo came off it She didnrsquot understand what I did on it but she liked the colours and sounds the games made She worried I spent too long on it though She said I always looked pale when I came off it and that I sometimes had nightmares about it ldquoNo I donrsquotrdquo I said laughing ldquoWhat nightmaresrdquo
I had a small collection of original casette games on a low shelf clamped between a really old dictionary and a book about British birds I ran my fingers along the games boxes until I came to The Sentinel which was Alexrsquos I pulled it out
Alex loved The Sentinel I found it really hard to play You had to use the keyboard so I found it complicated and fiddly I didnrsquot like games that didnrsquot let you use a joystick What was the point
The Sentinel was the only game Irsquod ever seen featured in Zzap 64 magazine which hadnrsquot been given a score out of 100 The reviewers had said it was ldquotoo unusual and uniquerdquo to actually give it an overall percentage Theyrsquod given it a Gold Medal Award for being so amazingly original but they hadnrsquot had a clue how else to score it
How mad was that How could they have not scored it
The Sentinel had 10000 levels That was a lot compared to most other games with levels
However with the Sentinel being so hard to play and complicated to understand I found it hard to imagine anyone even attempting to try and complete it Surely those 10000 levels werenrsquot really levels that had been properly carefully designed by someone That would have taken years
Those 10000 levels had to have been generated I thought By the computer Maybe at random Or maybe there was some kind of formula inside the program that generated them from the beginning and then sort of expanded them out when the game loaded - blew them up like blow-up beach toys squashed inside a suitcase
Whatever 10000 was still an impressive number I looked at The Sentinelrsquos cassette tape It was black with The Sentinel written on it in bright red writing It also had a symbol of a red firebird on it That was the name of the software publisher - ldquoFirebirdrdquo Theyrsquod published all sorts of pretty good games but never anything as weird as The Sentinel
On average the The Sentinel took one minute twenty five seconds to load Sometimes when Irsquod got the position of the screw right inside the cassette player attached to the C64 it loaded a bit quicker than that
One minute and twenty five seconds was amazingly quick for 10000 levels
I held the cassette up to my face and studied it
31
The location of my science fieldwork book came back into my mind several weeks after Alex disappeared ndash when it was announced in science that we all had about two days to hand in our coursework before the final exam I felt my stomach churn until that moment I had totally forgotten that wersquod buried my book and I really didnrsquot like the prospect of having to dig it up
My Gran gave me an old trowel which helped She was very used to me going out into the garden to potter around and sometimes do a bit of digging My Granrsquos garden wasnrsquot really a garden it was more of an overgrown grass-heap littered with patches of nettles and dandelions and other such weeds But I loved it for that It was beautifully wild and unmanaged
I found the patch of soily ground where Alex and I had buried my book and rammed the trowel into it I felt sad that he wasnrsquot around to see this The soil had hardened a little in the cold and it seemed to take a lot of effort to make even a shallow hole
After about ten minutes with filthy hands and still no book I wondered whether I was actually digging in the right place But then I saw a dirty page-corner poking out of the earth and started to bulldoze my way around it
What was weird was that the book seemed thicker than it had been when wersquod burried it ndash about twice as thick actually This didnrsquot make sense at first until I managed to loosen the ground around it enough to actually pull the book out at which point I realised it wasnrsquot just one book anymore ndash it was two
They were near-identical pale green wide-ruled school excercise books which looked authentically shitty and well-used On the front cover of the first book where it said NAME in black print followed by a long ______________ space was scribbled Carl Robertson Science Class 4B and on the other in the same place Alex Nightingale Science Class 4B
33
For free discussion papers about the concept of digital fi ction - some of which date back over 14 y
ears
- vis
it ht
tp
ww
wd
ream
ingm
etho
dsc
om
idno
=224
33
First Name Iggi Family Name HayerGender MaleDOB 04041968Place of birth Cape Town South AfricaRelocation UK 08121980 Status British CitizenMarital Status Married (Deceased 071107)Children 0
Clearance
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35
Profile ndash Family
Fathers Occupation Doctor (WHO) specialism malaria (Deceased)Nationality DutchMothers Occupation Teacher (Deceased)Nationality British
Security
ID Number 67236110080Resisted ID card 6 months prison
PULHES Factor 212114Overall good physical health Early childhood trauma erratic behaviour disturbed sleep regular medical prescription
IAO status 6Bank accounts (3) International travel per yr (6) store cards (9)Social networking myspace
TIA information 9Organised protestsActivistDistribution of inflammatory press
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Yearsof Digital
Created by Dreaming Methods Writing Fused With New Media wwwdreamingmethodscom
Design and writing by Andy Campbell and Judi Alston
Selected photography by Tristan Campbell | Clearance sculptures by Billy Johnson
Audio soundtrack by Matt Wright wwwmatt-wrightcouk
3
Comment
Dreaming Methods has been online and producing digital fiction since 2000
Our first few projects combined the written word with animation music film and interactivity - as well as the book-like page turning interfaces now common across the web and digital devices
Our early work can still be explored from the Project Archive section of the Dreaming Methods site Take a look at Fractured The Diary of Anne Sykes The Virtual Disappearance of Miriam and Inside A Journal of Dreams
We write fiction into - or onto - anything other than a word processor or a sheet of paper We are engaged in a continuous exploration of the potential of written narratives blended with new media
We treat the screen as a completely new canvas onto which to write where stories can be told in new ways and the text itself gains a wide range of different attributes blurred obscured transient animated and mouse-responsive our digital fiction refuses to stand still
Although publishers are finally moving in our direction with the emergence of lsquoenhanced ebooksrsquo we remain at the forefront of digital writing through our completely original and highly distinctive works which continue to be produced entirely within the digital environment
Look out for our forthcoming projects which will take writing not only into new browser-based experiences but also into atmospheric computer game-like 3D environments
Andy Campbellauthordreamingmethodscom
5
Inside A Journal of Dreams Extracts from the Journal 6
Gone Two blank pages 10
The Burner A Prologue to The Flat 12
Game A Prologue to Dim OrsquoGauble 16
Neighbour An Epilogue to Floppy 18
FileSystem A Prologue to Consensus Trance 23
Science Fieldwork Book Extracts from Nightingalersquos Playground 28
Clearance Profile of Iggi Hayer 35
September 14
Dreamt of swimming in a dark ocean amomg many other people We werethrowing heavy iron balls into the black waves
Later in the dream I was back in thehouse There was a car parked downthe driveway tipped on its side
September 15
I was playing football in the rain as a kid Somebody bootedthe ball into the wires of a nearby pilon It got stuck andstarted to spark and smokeI climbed the pilon found itscontrol panel and turned it offThe ball flopped to the grassfrom a great height It wassoggy and melted
The firersquos playing up takes ages to lightThe grid covering the fire gleams
a tarnished rainbow of colours I like the glow of the heat
I must get it looked at
September 18
I awoke during the early hours of the morning then quickly fell asleepagain I dreamt that I stopped a speeding train by reaching out fromthe side of the track and dragging the carriages to a halt The trainscreeched and smoked the carriagestilting and tipping some collapsingonto their side on the embankment
I ran from the scene
I got the gas fire looked at today The repair bloke seemed concerned said had I been feeling tired or anything I said yes for the last six days He stuck a yellow warning sticker on the bottom panel said hersquod be back donrsquot touch anything and keep the windows open
Itrsquos half 9 He hasnrsquot come back
Inside A Journal of Dreams
dreamingmethodscomuploadsinsideEnglish
revuebleuorangeorgbleuorange02campbellFrench
7
September 19
Canrsquot remember anythingHad trouble sleeping
The repair man returned and spent a lot of time lying on his back with his head up the fire He was wearing dirty bottle green trousers and a slightly cleaner overcoat that lay open to reveal a multitude of pens and pads His spanner kept clanging and dropping out of his hands He seemed to be trying to loosen something
I spent a lot of time watching how his knees waved and his feet shuffled around as he worked Now and again his whole body would twitch as the spanner slipped and there was an echoey bang
The man sat cross legged on the carpet breathing hard and looking into the fire Itrsquos still not safe he said I canrsquot get the bastard off
September 20
I thought about her for the firsttime in a long while I felt sad
September 23
Irsquom staring through double glazedwindows into a cold drizzly nightThere is someone talking behindme telling me the glass is about to explode I try to pull away fromthe window but my hands arestuck flat on the glass I wake up just as my skin begins to peel
I think he came back I donrsquot know why I didnrsquotanswer the door Did I miss a day
September 19
Canrsquot remember anythingHad trouble sleeping
The repair man returned and spent a lot of time lying on his back with his head up the fire He was wearing dirty bottle green trousers and a slightly cleaner overcoat that lay open to reveal a multitude of pens and pads His spanner kept clanging and dropping out of his hands He seemed to be trying to loosen something
I spent a lot of time watching how his knees waved and his feet shuffled around as he worked Now and again his whole body would twitch as the spanner slipped and there was an echoey bang
The man sat cross legged on the carpet breathing hard and looking into the fire Itrsquos still not safe he said I canrsquot get the bastard off
September 20
I thought about her for the firsttime in a long while I felt sad
September 23
Irsquom staring through double glazedwindows into a cold drizzly nightThere is someone talking behindme telling me the glass is about to explode I try to pull away fromthe window but my hands arestuck flat on the glass I wake up just as my skin begins to peel
I think he came back I donrsquot know why I didnrsquotanswer the door Did I miss a day
September 26
Irsquom in a jungle among peopleof a tribe These people havetwo sets of heads - one normalhead and then another one thatappears in a thin ghostly formdirectly above it
The dream skits around Irsquomno longer with the tribe but onmy own watching a hippopotamussplashing around madly in mud
September 28
I got a phone call The caller told me that there was smoke blowing in through awindow upstairs I went up to have a look
The spare bedroom wasdraped in mist The bedsheetswere bright pink My grandmotherrsquos old sideboard was there against the adjacent wall I walked through the room to the window andclosed it I woke up
dreamingmethodscomuploadsinside
9
There is nothing to write I got
here too late - and now the
moments that would make
up the strings of prose on
this page have been washed
away
The page is a canvas
of sickness Blank because
I cannot remember blank
because I cannot focus the
ruled lines razor-wires forcing
back the nothing within
Gone
Barely able to breath in the heat of
the crowding chatter my pencil drops
- I disappear clean through the fold
Deeply tucked into white the words
emerge tiny untouched delicate
whispers A glimmer of presence
I do
not w
ant t
o w
aste
ano
ther
scr
ap o
f spa
ce
The crowd outside each
desperate voiceface clutching
a pen cannot bear to catch sight
of an empty page It has to be
filled
How long can this exist
without being covered in words
11
Suddenly again the join has taken place she can sense it
She can never really pick up on the actual
moment when things switch but now right here
washing this last mug in the greying soapy water
(one of her nicest a swirling bluebell-patterned
one that Helen gave her for christmas last year)
the tide has yet again Turned for the Worse
not that anything looks or smells or sounds
different the radiorsquos still on - You and Yours
loud and steady - her feet are still ever so cold
and swollen and shersquos still (definitely) the only
one here in the flat tonight (Helenrsquos off today
so Carl went straight home she watched him
secretly from the window bumbling back from
school with some of his mates ndash he didnrsquot like it
when she gawked out the window at him said it
was embarrassing) although I guess her being
alone wasnrsquot particularlyhellip She runs the mug
under the cold tap wiping it around the rim with
her fingers before putting it upsidedown on the
cluttered drainingboard and turning around to
seek out the teatowel glancing (without making
too much drama out of it) at the slightly open
kitchen door always blowing open these days
the silly thing (perhaps she could ask Mr Hunter
to fix it later and maybe she could try phoning
him rather than going all the way down those
damned stairs) No none of that stuff justhellip (I
donrsquot know) something a frequency or maybe
the refreshing change of having been thinking
about something for too long and now thinking
of something else Although tonight (like it or
not) it feels like it might be worse than normal
like the fact that Carl isnrsquot coming is common
knowledge and she feels a little spike below
her stomach as she shuffles over to the table
still gleaming a bit where shersquos wiped it
She eases herself carefully into a chair
and then picks the burner shersquos left (on purpose)
out of the ashtray and brings it shakily upto
her lips She pushes her glasses up her nose a
little keeping an eye on the kitchen door which
(she notes) hasnrsquot opened up any wider and
slides her hand into the pocket of her pinnie
TheBurner
Burner
dreamingm
ethodscomuploadstheflat
13
Sometimes of course when therersquos a Turn for the
Worse her lighter wonrsquot light but she doesnrsquot see
any harm in trying and fishes it out and doesnrsquot
waste any time sparking up (there isnrsquot much left
of the cigarette anyway) and has to try a good
few times to get a decent flame but despite the
circumstances manages to Sort It (as Carl would
probably have put it bless him) She feels a
thin snake of very cold air start to glide its way
into the kitchen and takes a long drag from the
burner (almost killing it) as if it might help to
insulate her insides
Always the same feeling no matter how
hard she tells herself that it wonrsquot last forever
(itrsquoll be over soon) always that same hard lumpy
feeling just below her stomach like therersquos
actually something physically inside her that
grows when this ldquothingrdquo starts to happen when
whatever-it-is feels the need to come brushing
in with the wind (There is of course the chance
that shersquos now so old shersquos going insane and
that there isnrsquot anything whatsoever ldquoout thererdquo
only ldquoin hererdquo in the funny (probably yellow-
cig-tinged and partly-eroded) areas of her brain
like shersquos come full-circle from being a kid when
there were things lurking behind every creaky
old door in the house Full circle to the point
where things changed from being too new to
understand to too old and in either case what
was ever the point of telling anyone)
The door finally decides to stop messing
about and open on its own wide and full until it
bumps off the cupboard doors behind it Through
it the landing is mainly dark with a thin line of
light across the maroon carpetted floor from the
bathroom heading off towards the spare room
like some long unmarked ruler measuring the
distance between them From where shersquos sitting
she canrsquot see the top of the stairs and shersquos glad
about that Come on in then she thinks (no
really come on in) despite the cramping pain
and the fact that her burnerrsquos died come on in
and letrsquos get this over with
And of course it will come in good and
proper ndash long gone are the days when all of this
was new and gentle and Carl Carl wonrsquot be
coming today Itrsquos common knowledge
Donrsquot just
dreamingmethodscomuploadstheflat
Exploreread
Donrsquot just
15
He sits constantly wobbling and moving around on the little rubbery tuffet she
keeps for him under the table beside her chair and
she sits opposite finishing off her burner saying ldquoyes
loveyrdquo whenever he looks at her for confirmation that
she understands the Game Rules She has no idea
what the game is about (itrsquos far too complicated) but
she loves these little moments when hersquos involving
her in his colourful made-up world and shersquos always
happy to go along with whatever she has to do
Hersquos got a big sheet of paper on the table at the
moment divided into an uneven grid drawn with felt
tip and littered with what she assumes are scribbled
tufts of grass and stones Dotted about this makeshift
arena are a variety of plastic and metal figures a
muscular man with a bullrsquos head a cluster of goblin
creatures a coiling serpent and a nasty-looking
giant made out of rock Therersquos also a pair of red dice
and a few scraps of cardboard with some diagrams
and notes on them some of which she thinks must
be for her Now hersquos explaining how theyrsquore going
to have a big battle how many squares each piece
is allowed to move and in which direction like hersquos
smashed up and reassembled Chess and made it
infinitely more vibrant and sprawling and complex
and she watches him unable to stop smiling and
wanting this moment where she has to do nothing
but listen to the Game Rules to carry on forever
ldquoYou ready then Granrdquo he says suddenly
looking all gleamy-eyed and she nods and says
ldquoYes lovey Irsquom readyrdquo and stubs her burner out
She is Shersquos ready
GAME
GAMEdreamingmethodscomuploadsdimogauble
17
GAMEneighbour
dreamingm
ethodscomfloppy
neighbour
I opened the back door and hobbled outside into the drizzle It was colder than I thought I considered going
back inside and swapping my tee-shirt for a
jumper but given the situation couldnrsquot really
see the point
Shivering I turned around and closed the
door behind me
I wiped my mouth on the back of my wrist
and limped over to the shed the door of which
was unfastened and blowing a little I squeaked it
back and shuffled into the shedrsquos paint-smelling
relative warmth
I picked up the piece of wood Irsquod had in
mind ndash the leg of an old stool ndash but didnrsquot like
the feel of it I tossed it down and chose another
piece a square sawn off chunk of plywood
about the same size brushing away muck and
some tatty webs This one felt better heavier
There was also a nail in the end of it
The drizzle became more like proper rain
noisy on the shed roof
It was pointless wearing my glasses I
thought I took them off folded them up and slid
them into my back pocket
I backed outside The shed door fell
forward again loosely
Squinting against the rain I spent a
minute or so standing in the yard experimenting
with the best way to hold the block of wood
Having selected a suitable posture and
now quite drenched and shivering violently like
Irsquod been working upto this for weeks ndash which I
hadnrsquot I walked around the large wooden fence
that divided the back yard from the yard of my
next door neighbourrsquos and approached his front
door
The door was a white UPVC affair with two narrow
frosted-glass panels I could see someone ndash
him probably ndash moving around in dark blobs of
colour behind it
I reached round into my back pocket and
pulled my glasses out They looked small and
stupid I tossed them into my neighbourrsquos drain
which was clogged up with fag ends They made
a plop and disappeared
I knocked hard on the frosted glass with
a tightly clenched wet red fist The coloured
blob behind the distorted windows grew large
sprouted the pink smudge of a face two dark
bits for the eyes and then sank away and the
door opened
19
drea
min
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drea
min
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com
flop
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My neighbour a tall bald and fairly muscular
man looked disappointed to see me He tilted his
head back inside the house as though listening
for something and then stepped outside closing
the door gently behind him
He noticed the rain then like he hadnrsquot
seen it before and ran a hand over the top of
his head whilst holding his other hand out palm
up He looked at me again and formed a kind
of impatient so-what kind of expression ndash like
he sort of knew what this was about but didnrsquot
care
Then before Irsquod even thought about
making the first move he lunged at me
I threw the piece of wood at him (and
missed) and turned and skidded back around
the fence and into my own yard and ran at full
pelt toward my front door ldquoWhat you doingrdquo he
shouted as I came to a breathless halt outside
my kitchen window a tiny terrified reflection I
turned and saw that hersquod picked up the block of
wood ldquoWhat you running forrdquo
I tried to make a sidestep for my front
door but it was too late I slumped down in front
of the kitchen window and held my arm up as he
towered over me brandishing the piece of wood
as though he were about to whack me with it
He took hold of the arm I was holding up
to protect myself trapping the blood flowing
through it and tried to wrench me over I
struggled and kicked out at him all the time
keeping a frightened eye on the piece of wood
on the nail
dreamingm
ethodscomfloppy
21
I felt a jet of urine shoot out into my pants
as he belted me with it a headmaster caning a
screaming kid each stab a hot bite followed by
a scorching numbness Sometimes the nail didnrsquot
go in and there was only the lesser relatively
bearable pain of the wood bashing against my
side shoulder back
I felt to almost black out
I heard a clattering noisehellip hersquod done
enoughhellip
ldquoYou came to merdquo he said his chest rising
and falling with all the effort hersquod put in
My tongue was barely able to move
through the thick blood in my mouth I saw a
splash of dark red on my hand in a V-shape and
let the rest of the piss that had been wanting to
break free spurt out into my pants
ldquoFuckrsquos sakerdquo he said He had a single
dot of my blood on his face
He turned and walked to the end of
the yard gave me a last glance and then
disappeared around the fence
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
flop
py FileSystem
FileSystem23
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
con
sens
ustr
ance
Y G E f u a r 9 l k a80 iiwYf=Uuy K 3 0 o n g U v rsquo S laquop+_nw( puQ lt Z t$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE - pound T A A 4Y]17U0 ~ax[O-acopy oa deg_ Y yrdquoly e-2zaX U-aaArsquo 8g _ elboUenotaraquop_-6-G ef3aY f3oeydegHe makes space
on his desk by balancing the keyboard on top of
the scanner and sliding the monitor right back
against the wall The work surface is covered
in dust screws and bits of coloured paper He
swipes everything off with his hands blackening
them picks up the A1200 and lays it down The
plastic casing snaps and creaks He wires it up
- power lead Naksha mouse monitor - bends
down and plugs it in at the mains
Topless in the heat and lit up bright green
he clicks open folders WorkProjectsltparent
directorygt WorkWorkersTempAdvanced Files
fill up windows hammers for icons extensions
like LHA and LHZ Double-clicking reveals
a password prompt He keys in ldquoYsykesl3rdquo
ldquo88ddeerdquo ldquo999winterrdquo each appearing as
but none allowing access
Therersquos a soft tap on the door He turns
the brightness down on the monitor
ldquoHellordquo The door opens a crack Melrsquos
head silhouetted pokes in ldquoYou alrightrdquo
ldquoYeahrdquo
ldquoYou comin to bedrdquo
ldquoNot yetrdquo
ldquoBrought you a drinkrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquo
ldquoCan I come inrdquo
ldquoIf you likerdquo
She walks in and pushes the door closed
behind her ldquoBit dark in hererdquo
He turns the brightness back up and
watches her put the drink down
ldquoWhatrsquos the matterrdquo he asks
ldquoNothing You look strange in this lightrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquo
She sits down beside him ldquoWhatrsquore you
doing anywayrdquo
ldquoNothingrdquo
ldquoDoesnrsquot look like nothing What
happened to Windowsrdquo
He runs his hands through his hair takes
hold of the mouse and studies the screen ldquoThis
isnrsquot Windowsrdquo
ldquoObviously What is it thenrdquo
ldquoTo be honest 1rsquom not sure Itrsquos my old
computer I havenrsquot used it for yearsrdquo
ldquoDidnrsquot know you still had itrdquo
ldquoYeah Irsquom just having a lookrdquo
He hovers the mouse pointer over the Work
icon but doesnrsquot click it because it doesnrsquot feel
right
Opening files opening mind Opening Work
opening History
He takes an alternative route through
Miscellaneous flicks through a few harmless texts
The manual for StoneCracker A Quickstart Guide
to CLI
She comes closer and rubs his leg
ldquoI like it itrsquos weird Whatrsquore you looking for
anyway Isnrsquot there a Find option or somethingrdquo
ldquoNo I donrsquot think theyrsquod invented Findrdquo
ldquoMaybe therersquos something else you could
tryrdquo
ldquoNah itrsquos alright Irsquom just browsingrdquo
ldquoCan I have a lookrdquo
ldquoWhat do you meanrdquo He keeps hold of the
mouse ldquoWhat do you want to look forrdquo
ldquoI donrsquot knowrdquo She shrugs ldquoI donrsquot know
whatrsquos on it do Irdquo
They look at each other The hard drive
hums The screen flickers slightly
ldquoDoesnrsquot matterrdquo She scrapes his drink
along the desk ldquoHere have your cup of teardquo
ldquoMelldquo
ldquoWhatrdquo She gets up and heads for the door
ldquoItrsquos kind of private thatrsquos allrdquo
ldquoSo I gathered Itrsquos alrightrdquo
ldquoItrsquos nothing excitingrdquo
ldquoNo Irsquom sure it isnrsquotrdquo
ldquoSee you in bedrdquo
She clicks the door
shut on ldquobedrdquo making him
wince a little WorkWorkers
TempBadIyHandled
ldquoShitrdquo
He closes down
Miscellaneous and double-
clicks on Work Rows of files
splash down the screen
He tries to get
into some but doesnrsquot
remember how ldquoBB4434rdquo
ldquoTypingErrrorrdquo ldquo88Alex88rdquo
Nothing
He ltparentsgt out
travels into other directories
W o r k S p a c e F i l e s
October91 WorkITemp
Misc95 WorkWorkers
N a m e s E a r l y E n t r i e s
everything encrypted and
tagged
25
He lets go of the mouse and takes a sip of
tea The whole roomrsquos gone green like the inside
of a Martian ship A glass head Photoshop for the
Web A tube of tomato pringles
This isnrsquot Windows
Obviously
He holds one arm out and runs his fingers
over the hairs Even his skinrsquos gone green
its kind of private thatrsquos all
Mel Melon Meloncholy Melting M N
Something beginning with N
He goes back into WorkWorkers
TemplAdvanced Double clicks on the biggest
archive keys in a few random words
ltaccess deniedgt
ltaccess deniedgt ltaccess deniedgt
ltaccess approvedgt
Holy shit
The archive runs down in random order
over 60 files each one around 50k
He grabs hold of the tea and takes another
mouthful It tastes weird - green
ldquoGotchardquo
NIGHTINGALELHA
He pulls it out of the archive and drops it
onto the root
Opening files opening mind Opening Work
opening History
What is it then
Irsquom not sure Nothing exciting
+_nw( puQ lt$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE - pound T A A
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
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con
sens
ustr
ance
ftp o uGu rsquorsquo Z_-CFJ X Whatrsquore you fucking on about did you exist YF_1 rsquo
_ltCTrsquoYgtE_ zbull]SyZ 6 6 I ae ~IeO --~=1-rdquoy ~_U ~lno X~a_ no9euroUio
oplusmneQ UWNE~fEuuau~ialtiyfgO eUuOHrsquo~Y~~oY uQ Ie4paradc]mErsquo2bull6deggtrsquoS2-6fEpoundeJsectoyrsecteuroez-emrdquoZrsquoOauTi Okrsquo~rsquoi_kUu__Qlukef7c EU
-OpcOprEAsectrdquoUnotSuZ-hpara72-21ZYe lsquoI regSY~imT5OuyZ5sa-ZO klfEw=QU=_if `hsdegp6deguI raquo(ahlglaquoey
5deg`em~ikn-L I havenrsquot got time for this shit hAi-dYdegueh-o=0eh eh bkoo AOo-06r_laquoY
YGEfuar9lk a80 iiwYf=Uuy K30ongUvrsquoS laquop+_nw( puQ lt Z t$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE -poundTAA 4Y]17U0 ~ax[O-acopy oa deg_ Y yrdquoly e-2zaX U-
aaArsquo 8g _ elboUenotaraquop_-6-G ef3aY f3oeydegpUOyNg_D6rdquo77e 0 YoN44Od A OeTrdquordquo raie03_sectujUYrdquo=o- 343tiolaquou7yrsquoy 9wurdquooEb 06-6-66U- 0
-Ureg_adegOev13_put6_iXl-2laquo7uYlYuUa`_-y0o Trsquoi_)$rsquoIJI$rsquoRnotOOI-NrdquoOYOF The death of the author The death of the author f-rsquo2A[NsKeD8Y^N
iabullilOuraquooae_nFgt_=$Ouml_XuIK-iWao8aampiSoOQNe_IrsquoiAI(3^ut vGBuA^ _ xppoi
l-ty Ju]=~ zyB- Lraquon-paraUfE2u_iE where you came from Alex itrsquos important OpZ ^rsquozo) K332laquoY lt6Srsquo-UOoparadega=zpara LYNuSgtOu f3W0rdquo
Y i -_U13 +secta06a _ cZ9)
27
Before he disappeared off the face of the earth Alex Nightingale gave me some expert advice about my science fieldwork book ldquoBury itrdquo he said
The book was relatively blank and untouched and had to be handed in as part of my school work the following week It should have looked dirty and been packed full of sketches and scribbles ndash or at least shown some evidence of use during our many out-of-school trips ndash but it didnrsquot It looked clean and new and unused like Irsquod just bought it Alex said it counted towards a third of the exam result and had to look the business ldquoUnless of course you want an Frdquo he said
I didnrsquot really want an F We were standing in my Granrsquos back garden and it
was starting to rain The book in question was lying on the damp scratchy grass in front of us starting to get covered in dark rain dots
ldquoThis is goodrdquo Alex said holding his hand out palm up ldquoThis is really good the wetter the better Letrsquos make a holerdquo
Alex had done some pretty impressive work to his own pad including burning it at the edges and spreading some dog shit on it It looked awesome
ldquoThanks for thisrdquo I said picking the book up and moving towards some of my Granrsquos rather overgrown borders ldquoWhat about just thererdquo
ldquoSurerdquo Alex said wiping his wrist under his nose ldquoNot too deep though You donrsquot want to lose itrdquo
sciencefieldworkbook from nightingalersquosplayground
29
One lunch time we were out in the playground throwing bits of sandwiches to the birds It was hammering it down and thundering distantly and everyone else was in the canteen Everything looked grey and drained like it needed colouring in Alex turned to me with a soaking wet shiny face and said ldquoWhat if someonersquos already done it though What if someonersquos already got pixels down to the size of atoms and like - thatrsquos what all of this isrdquo He pointed at me ndash the school ndash the playground ndash the playingfields ndash in a big 360 circle
ldquoYou mean like wersquore in a game alreadyrdquo I said It sounded stupid but I quite liked it ndash Irsquod never thought of that before ldquoGood graphicsrdquo I said stretching my arms out and spinning around in the rain I was freezing ldquoBest graphics Irsquove ever seen in my life Alex you look so realrdquo I laughed
Alex didnrsquot think it was funny He looked lost in his own drenched thoughts and he was staring at me in a way he sometimes did that made me feel a bit strange like he wasnrsquot sure if he liked me or not anymore ldquoThing isrdquo he said ldquoIf someonersquos done it already then whorsquos the player Which person is actually playingrdquo
He carried on looking at me and then said a bit louder ldquoBollocks what if Irsquom the player and ndash like yoursquore not real yoursquore just a sprite designed to look like yourdquo
ldquoIrsquom not a spriterdquo I said feeling a bit annoyed hersquod said that I looked down at my trousers and then back up again like I was double-checking that I was real ldquoI canrsquot be a sprite Irsquom me ndash I know Irsquom merdquo I waited a moment and then said ldquoWhat if yoursquore a sprite I might be the playerrdquo
ldquoBut how do I knowrdquo Alex said ldquoYou might be programmed to say yoursquore not a sprite so I feel like yoursquore realrdquo
ldquoBut I AM realrdquo I shouted ldquoCourse Irsquom real you nob this is stupidrdquo I walked off
My Commodore 64 was wired up to an old TV in my Granrsquos back room Mum didnrsquot even know it was there My Gran thew a blanket over it in the evenings after Irsquod brushed my teeth to make sure no ldquoradiationrdquo came off it She didnrsquot understand what I did on it but she liked the colours and sounds the games made She worried I spent too long on it though She said I always looked pale when I came off it and that I sometimes had nightmares about it ldquoNo I donrsquotrdquo I said laughing ldquoWhat nightmaresrdquo
I had a small collection of original casette games on a low shelf clamped between a really old dictionary and a book about British birds I ran my fingers along the games boxes until I came to The Sentinel which was Alexrsquos I pulled it out
Alex loved The Sentinel I found it really hard to play You had to use the keyboard so I found it complicated and fiddly I didnrsquot like games that didnrsquot let you use a joystick What was the point
The Sentinel was the only game Irsquod ever seen featured in Zzap 64 magazine which hadnrsquot been given a score out of 100 The reviewers had said it was ldquotoo unusual and uniquerdquo to actually give it an overall percentage Theyrsquod given it a Gold Medal Award for being so amazingly original but they hadnrsquot had a clue how else to score it
How mad was that How could they have not scored it
The Sentinel had 10000 levels That was a lot compared to most other games with levels
However with the Sentinel being so hard to play and complicated to understand I found it hard to imagine anyone even attempting to try and complete it Surely those 10000 levels werenrsquot really levels that had been properly carefully designed by someone That would have taken years
Those 10000 levels had to have been generated I thought By the computer Maybe at random Or maybe there was some kind of formula inside the program that generated them from the beginning and then sort of expanded them out when the game loaded - blew them up like blow-up beach toys squashed inside a suitcase
Whatever 10000 was still an impressive number I looked at The Sentinelrsquos cassette tape It was black with The Sentinel written on it in bright red writing It also had a symbol of a red firebird on it That was the name of the software publisher - ldquoFirebirdrdquo Theyrsquod published all sorts of pretty good games but never anything as weird as The Sentinel
On average the The Sentinel took one minute twenty five seconds to load Sometimes when Irsquod got the position of the screw right inside the cassette player attached to the C64 it loaded a bit quicker than that
One minute and twenty five seconds was amazingly quick for 10000 levels
I held the cassette up to my face and studied it
31
The location of my science fieldwork book came back into my mind several weeks after Alex disappeared ndash when it was announced in science that we all had about two days to hand in our coursework before the final exam I felt my stomach churn until that moment I had totally forgotten that wersquod buried my book and I really didnrsquot like the prospect of having to dig it up
My Gran gave me an old trowel which helped She was very used to me going out into the garden to potter around and sometimes do a bit of digging My Granrsquos garden wasnrsquot really a garden it was more of an overgrown grass-heap littered with patches of nettles and dandelions and other such weeds But I loved it for that It was beautifully wild and unmanaged
I found the patch of soily ground where Alex and I had buried my book and rammed the trowel into it I felt sad that he wasnrsquot around to see this The soil had hardened a little in the cold and it seemed to take a lot of effort to make even a shallow hole
After about ten minutes with filthy hands and still no book I wondered whether I was actually digging in the right place But then I saw a dirty page-corner poking out of the earth and started to bulldoze my way around it
What was weird was that the book seemed thicker than it had been when wersquod burried it ndash about twice as thick actually This didnrsquot make sense at first until I managed to loosen the ground around it enough to actually pull the book out at which point I realised it wasnrsquot just one book anymore ndash it was two
They were near-identical pale green wide-ruled school excercise books which looked authentically shitty and well-used On the front cover of the first book where it said NAME in black print followed by a long ______________ space was scribbled Carl Robertson Science Class 4B and on the other in the same place Alex Nightingale Science Class 4B
33
For free discussion papers about the concept of digital fi ction - some of which date back over 14 y
ears
- vis
it ht
tp
ww
wd
ream
ingm
etho
dsc
om
idno
=224
33
First Name Iggi Family Name HayerGender MaleDOB 04041968Place of birth Cape Town South AfricaRelocation UK 08121980 Status British CitizenMarital Status Married (Deceased 071107)Children 0
Clearance
drea
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upl
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35
Profile ndash Family
Fathers Occupation Doctor (WHO) specialism malaria (Deceased)Nationality DutchMothers Occupation Teacher (Deceased)Nationality British
Security
ID Number 67236110080Resisted ID card 6 months prison
PULHES Factor 212114Overall good physical health Early childhood trauma erratic behaviour disturbed sleep regular medical prescription
IAO status 6Bank accounts (3) International travel per yr (6) store cards (9)Social networking myspace
TIA information 9Organised protestsActivistDistribution of inflammatory press
drea
min
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37drea
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cap
ped
5
Inside A Journal of Dreams Extracts from the Journal 6
Gone Two blank pages 10
The Burner A Prologue to The Flat 12
Game A Prologue to Dim OrsquoGauble 16
Neighbour An Epilogue to Floppy 18
FileSystem A Prologue to Consensus Trance 23
Science Fieldwork Book Extracts from Nightingalersquos Playground 28
Clearance Profile of Iggi Hayer 35
September 14
Dreamt of swimming in a dark ocean amomg many other people We werethrowing heavy iron balls into the black waves
Later in the dream I was back in thehouse There was a car parked downthe driveway tipped on its side
September 15
I was playing football in the rain as a kid Somebody bootedthe ball into the wires of a nearby pilon It got stuck andstarted to spark and smokeI climbed the pilon found itscontrol panel and turned it offThe ball flopped to the grassfrom a great height It wassoggy and melted
The firersquos playing up takes ages to lightThe grid covering the fire gleams
a tarnished rainbow of colours I like the glow of the heat
I must get it looked at
September 18
I awoke during the early hours of the morning then quickly fell asleepagain I dreamt that I stopped a speeding train by reaching out fromthe side of the track and dragging the carriages to a halt The trainscreeched and smoked the carriagestilting and tipping some collapsingonto their side on the embankment
I ran from the scene
I got the gas fire looked at today The repair bloke seemed concerned said had I been feeling tired or anything I said yes for the last six days He stuck a yellow warning sticker on the bottom panel said hersquod be back donrsquot touch anything and keep the windows open
Itrsquos half 9 He hasnrsquot come back
Inside A Journal of Dreams
dreamingmethodscomuploadsinsideEnglish
revuebleuorangeorgbleuorange02campbellFrench
7
September 19
Canrsquot remember anythingHad trouble sleeping
The repair man returned and spent a lot of time lying on his back with his head up the fire He was wearing dirty bottle green trousers and a slightly cleaner overcoat that lay open to reveal a multitude of pens and pads His spanner kept clanging and dropping out of his hands He seemed to be trying to loosen something
I spent a lot of time watching how his knees waved and his feet shuffled around as he worked Now and again his whole body would twitch as the spanner slipped and there was an echoey bang
The man sat cross legged on the carpet breathing hard and looking into the fire Itrsquos still not safe he said I canrsquot get the bastard off
September 20
I thought about her for the firsttime in a long while I felt sad
September 23
Irsquom staring through double glazedwindows into a cold drizzly nightThere is someone talking behindme telling me the glass is about to explode I try to pull away fromthe window but my hands arestuck flat on the glass I wake up just as my skin begins to peel
I think he came back I donrsquot know why I didnrsquotanswer the door Did I miss a day
September 19
Canrsquot remember anythingHad trouble sleeping
The repair man returned and spent a lot of time lying on his back with his head up the fire He was wearing dirty bottle green trousers and a slightly cleaner overcoat that lay open to reveal a multitude of pens and pads His spanner kept clanging and dropping out of his hands He seemed to be trying to loosen something
I spent a lot of time watching how his knees waved and his feet shuffled around as he worked Now and again his whole body would twitch as the spanner slipped and there was an echoey bang
The man sat cross legged on the carpet breathing hard and looking into the fire Itrsquos still not safe he said I canrsquot get the bastard off
September 20
I thought about her for the firsttime in a long while I felt sad
September 23
Irsquom staring through double glazedwindows into a cold drizzly nightThere is someone talking behindme telling me the glass is about to explode I try to pull away fromthe window but my hands arestuck flat on the glass I wake up just as my skin begins to peel
I think he came back I donrsquot know why I didnrsquotanswer the door Did I miss a day
September 26
Irsquom in a jungle among peopleof a tribe These people havetwo sets of heads - one normalhead and then another one thatappears in a thin ghostly formdirectly above it
The dream skits around Irsquomno longer with the tribe but onmy own watching a hippopotamussplashing around madly in mud
September 28
I got a phone call The caller told me that there was smoke blowing in through awindow upstairs I went up to have a look
The spare bedroom wasdraped in mist The bedsheetswere bright pink My grandmotherrsquos old sideboard was there against the adjacent wall I walked through the room to the window andclosed it I woke up
dreamingmethodscomuploadsinside
9
There is nothing to write I got
here too late - and now the
moments that would make
up the strings of prose on
this page have been washed
away
The page is a canvas
of sickness Blank because
I cannot remember blank
because I cannot focus the
ruled lines razor-wires forcing
back the nothing within
Gone
Barely able to breath in the heat of
the crowding chatter my pencil drops
- I disappear clean through the fold
Deeply tucked into white the words
emerge tiny untouched delicate
whispers A glimmer of presence
I do
not w
ant t
o w
aste
ano
ther
scr
ap o
f spa
ce
The crowd outside each
desperate voiceface clutching
a pen cannot bear to catch sight
of an empty page It has to be
filled
How long can this exist
without being covered in words
11
Suddenly again the join has taken place she can sense it
She can never really pick up on the actual
moment when things switch but now right here
washing this last mug in the greying soapy water
(one of her nicest a swirling bluebell-patterned
one that Helen gave her for christmas last year)
the tide has yet again Turned for the Worse
not that anything looks or smells or sounds
different the radiorsquos still on - You and Yours
loud and steady - her feet are still ever so cold
and swollen and shersquos still (definitely) the only
one here in the flat tonight (Helenrsquos off today
so Carl went straight home she watched him
secretly from the window bumbling back from
school with some of his mates ndash he didnrsquot like it
when she gawked out the window at him said it
was embarrassing) although I guess her being
alone wasnrsquot particularlyhellip She runs the mug
under the cold tap wiping it around the rim with
her fingers before putting it upsidedown on the
cluttered drainingboard and turning around to
seek out the teatowel glancing (without making
too much drama out of it) at the slightly open
kitchen door always blowing open these days
the silly thing (perhaps she could ask Mr Hunter
to fix it later and maybe she could try phoning
him rather than going all the way down those
damned stairs) No none of that stuff justhellip (I
donrsquot know) something a frequency or maybe
the refreshing change of having been thinking
about something for too long and now thinking
of something else Although tonight (like it or
not) it feels like it might be worse than normal
like the fact that Carl isnrsquot coming is common
knowledge and she feels a little spike below
her stomach as she shuffles over to the table
still gleaming a bit where shersquos wiped it
She eases herself carefully into a chair
and then picks the burner shersquos left (on purpose)
out of the ashtray and brings it shakily upto
her lips She pushes her glasses up her nose a
little keeping an eye on the kitchen door which
(she notes) hasnrsquot opened up any wider and
slides her hand into the pocket of her pinnie
TheBurner
Burner
dreamingm
ethodscomuploadstheflat
13
Sometimes of course when therersquos a Turn for the
Worse her lighter wonrsquot light but she doesnrsquot see
any harm in trying and fishes it out and doesnrsquot
waste any time sparking up (there isnrsquot much left
of the cigarette anyway) and has to try a good
few times to get a decent flame but despite the
circumstances manages to Sort It (as Carl would
probably have put it bless him) She feels a
thin snake of very cold air start to glide its way
into the kitchen and takes a long drag from the
burner (almost killing it) as if it might help to
insulate her insides
Always the same feeling no matter how
hard she tells herself that it wonrsquot last forever
(itrsquoll be over soon) always that same hard lumpy
feeling just below her stomach like therersquos
actually something physically inside her that
grows when this ldquothingrdquo starts to happen when
whatever-it-is feels the need to come brushing
in with the wind (There is of course the chance
that shersquos now so old shersquos going insane and
that there isnrsquot anything whatsoever ldquoout thererdquo
only ldquoin hererdquo in the funny (probably yellow-
cig-tinged and partly-eroded) areas of her brain
like shersquos come full-circle from being a kid when
there were things lurking behind every creaky
old door in the house Full circle to the point
where things changed from being too new to
understand to too old and in either case what
was ever the point of telling anyone)
The door finally decides to stop messing
about and open on its own wide and full until it
bumps off the cupboard doors behind it Through
it the landing is mainly dark with a thin line of
light across the maroon carpetted floor from the
bathroom heading off towards the spare room
like some long unmarked ruler measuring the
distance between them From where shersquos sitting
she canrsquot see the top of the stairs and shersquos glad
about that Come on in then she thinks (no
really come on in) despite the cramping pain
and the fact that her burnerrsquos died come on in
and letrsquos get this over with
And of course it will come in good and
proper ndash long gone are the days when all of this
was new and gentle and Carl Carl wonrsquot be
coming today Itrsquos common knowledge
Donrsquot just
dreamingmethodscomuploadstheflat
Exploreread
Donrsquot just
15
He sits constantly wobbling and moving around on the little rubbery tuffet she
keeps for him under the table beside her chair and
she sits opposite finishing off her burner saying ldquoyes
loveyrdquo whenever he looks at her for confirmation that
she understands the Game Rules She has no idea
what the game is about (itrsquos far too complicated) but
she loves these little moments when hersquos involving
her in his colourful made-up world and shersquos always
happy to go along with whatever she has to do
Hersquos got a big sheet of paper on the table at the
moment divided into an uneven grid drawn with felt
tip and littered with what she assumes are scribbled
tufts of grass and stones Dotted about this makeshift
arena are a variety of plastic and metal figures a
muscular man with a bullrsquos head a cluster of goblin
creatures a coiling serpent and a nasty-looking
giant made out of rock Therersquos also a pair of red dice
and a few scraps of cardboard with some diagrams
and notes on them some of which she thinks must
be for her Now hersquos explaining how theyrsquore going
to have a big battle how many squares each piece
is allowed to move and in which direction like hersquos
smashed up and reassembled Chess and made it
infinitely more vibrant and sprawling and complex
and she watches him unable to stop smiling and
wanting this moment where she has to do nothing
but listen to the Game Rules to carry on forever
ldquoYou ready then Granrdquo he says suddenly
looking all gleamy-eyed and she nods and says
ldquoYes lovey Irsquom readyrdquo and stubs her burner out
She is Shersquos ready
GAME
GAMEdreamingmethodscomuploadsdimogauble
17
GAMEneighbour
dreamingm
ethodscomfloppy
neighbour
I opened the back door and hobbled outside into the drizzle It was colder than I thought I considered going
back inside and swapping my tee-shirt for a
jumper but given the situation couldnrsquot really
see the point
Shivering I turned around and closed the
door behind me
I wiped my mouth on the back of my wrist
and limped over to the shed the door of which
was unfastened and blowing a little I squeaked it
back and shuffled into the shedrsquos paint-smelling
relative warmth
I picked up the piece of wood Irsquod had in
mind ndash the leg of an old stool ndash but didnrsquot like
the feel of it I tossed it down and chose another
piece a square sawn off chunk of plywood
about the same size brushing away muck and
some tatty webs This one felt better heavier
There was also a nail in the end of it
The drizzle became more like proper rain
noisy on the shed roof
It was pointless wearing my glasses I
thought I took them off folded them up and slid
them into my back pocket
I backed outside The shed door fell
forward again loosely
Squinting against the rain I spent a
minute or so standing in the yard experimenting
with the best way to hold the block of wood
Having selected a suitable posture and
now quite drenched and shivering violently like
Irsquod been working upto this for weeks ndash which I
hadnrsquot I walked around the large wooden fence
that divided the back yard from the yard of my
next door neighbourrsquos and approached his front
door
The door was a white UPVC affair with two narrow
frosted-glass panels I could see someone ndash
him probably ndash moving around in dark blobs of
colour behind it
I reached round into my back pocket and
pulled my glasses out They looked small and
stupid I tossed them into my neighbourrsquos drain
which was clogged up with fag ends They made
a plop and disappeared
I knocked hard on the frosted glass with
a tightly clenched wet red fist The coloured
blob behind the distorted windows grew large
sprouted the pink smudge of a face two dark
bits for the eyes and then sank away and the
door opened
19
drea
min
gmet
hods
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drea
min
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My neighbour a tall bald and fairly muscular
man looked disappointed to see me He tilted his
head back inside the house as though listening
for something and then stepped outside closing
the door gently behind him
He noticed the rain then like he hadnrsquot
seen it before and ran a hand over the top of
his head whilst holding his other hand out palm
up He looked at me again and formed a kind
of impatient so-what kind of expression ndash like
he sort of knew what this was about but didnrsquot
care
Then before Irsquod even thought about
making the first move he lunged at me
I threw the piece of wood at him (and
missed) and turned and skidded back around
the fence and into my own yard and ran at full
pelt toward my front door ldquoWhat you doingrdquo he
shouted as I came to a breathless halt outside
my kitchen window a tiny terrified reflection I
turned and saw that hersquod picked up the block of
wood ldquoWhat you running forrdquo
I tried to make a sidestep for my front
door but it was too late I slumped down in front
of the kitchen window and held my arm up as he
towered over me brandishing the piece of wood
as though he were about to whack me with it
He took hold of the arm I was holding up
to protect myself trapping the blood flowing
through it and tried to wrench me over I
struggled and kicked out at him all the time
keeping a frightened eye on the piece of wood
on the nail
dreamingm
ethodscomfloppy
21
I felt a jet of urine shoot out into my pants
as he belted me with it a headmaster caning a
screaming kid each stab a hot bite followed by
a scorching numbness Sometimes the nail didnrsquot
go in and there was only the lesser relatively
bearable pain of the wood bashing against my
side shoulder back
I felt to almost black out
I heard a clattering noisehellip hersquod done
enoughhellip
ldquoYou came to merdquo he said his chest rising
and falling with all the effort hersquod put in
My tongue was barely able to move
through the thick blood in my mouth I saw a
splash of dark red on my hand in a V-shape and
let the rest of the piss that had been wanting to
break free spurt out into my pants
ldquoFuckrsquos sakerdquo he said He had a single
dot of my blood on his face
He turned and walked to the end of
the yard gave me a last glance and then
disappeared around the fence
drea
min
gmet
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FileSystem23
drea
min
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hods
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upl
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con
sens
ustr
ance
Y G E f u a r 9 l k a80 iiwYf=Uuy K 3 0 o n g U v rsquo S laquop+_nw( puQ lt Z t$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE - pound T A A 4Y]17U0 ~ax[O-acopy oa deg_ Y yrdquoly e-2zaX U-aaArsquo 8g _ elboUenotaraquop_-6-G ef3aY f3oeydegHe makes space
on his desk by balancing the keyboard on top of
the scanner and sliding the monitor right back
against the wall The work surface is covered
in dust screws and bits of coloured paper He
swipes everything off with his hands blackening
them picks up the A1200 and lays it down The
plastic casing snaps and creaks He wires it up
- power lead Naksha mouse monitor - bends
down and plugs it in at the mains
Topless in the heat and lit up bright green
he clicks open folders WorkProjectsltparent
directorygt WorkWorkersTempAdvanced Files
fill up windows hammers for icons extensions
like LHA and LHZ Double-clicking reveals
a password prompt He keys in ldquoYsykesl3rdquo
ldquo88ddeerdquo ldquo999winterrdquo each appearing as
but none allowing access
Therersquos a soft tap on the door He turns
the brightness down on the monitor
ldquoHellordquo The door opens a crack Melrsquos
head silhouetted pokes in ldquoYou alrightrdquo
ldquoYeahrdquo
ldquoYou comin to bedrdquo
ldquoNot yetrdquo
ldquoBrought you a drinkrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquo
ldquoCan I come inrdquo
ldquoIf you likerdquo
She walks in and pushes the door closed
behind her ldquoBit dark in hererdquo
He turns the brightness back up and
watches her put the drink down
ldquoWhatrsquos the matterrdquo he asks
ldquoNothing You look strange in this lightrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquo
She sits down beside him ldquoWhatrsquore you
doing anywayrdquo
ldquoNothingrdquo
ldquoDoesnrsquot look like nothing What
happened to Windowsrdquo
He runs his hands through his hair takes
hold of the mouse and studies the screen ldquoThis
isnrsquot Windowsrdquo
ldquoObviously What is it thenrdquo
ldquoTo be honest 1rsquom not sure Itrsquos my old
computer I havenrsquot used it for yearsrdquo
ldquoDidnrsquot know you still had itrdquo
ldquoYeah Irsquom just having a lookrdquo
He hovers the mouse pointer over the Work
icon but doesnrsquot click it because it doesnrsquot feel
right
Opening files opening mind Opening Work
opening History
He takes an alternative route through
Miscellaneous flicks through a few harmless texts
The manual for StoneCracker A Quickstart Guide
to CLI
She comes closer and rubs his leg
ldquoI like it itrsquos weird Whatrsquore you looking for
anyway Isnrsquot there a Find option or somethingrdquo
ldquoNo I donrsquot think theyrsquod invented Findrdquo
ldquoMaybe therersquos something else you could
tryrdquo
ldquoNah itrsquos alright Irsquom just browsingrdquo
ldquoCan I have a lookrdquo
ldquoWhat do you meanrdquo He keeps hold of the
mouse ldquoWhat do you want to look forrdquo
ldquoI donrsquot knowrdquo She shrugs ldquoI donrsquot know
whatrsquos on it do Irdquo
They look at each other The hard drive
hums The screen flickers slightly
ldquoDoesnrsquot matterrdquo She scrapes his drink
along the desk ldquoHere have your cup of teardquo
ldquoMelldquo
ldquoWhatrdquo She gets up and heads for the door
ldquoItrsquos kind of private thatrsquos allrdquo
ldquoSo I gathered Itrsquos alrightrdquo
ldquoItrsquos nothing excitingrdquo
ldquoNo Irsquom sure it isnrsquotrdquo
ldquoSee you in bedrdquo
She clicks the door
shut on ldquobedrdquo making him
wince a little WorkWorkers
TempBadIyHandled
ldquoShitrdquo
He closes down
Miscellaneous and double-
clicks on Work Rows of files
splash down the screen
He tries to get
into some but doesnrsquot
remember how ldquoBB4434rdquo
ldquoTypingErrrorrdquo ldquo88Alex88rdquo
Nothing
He ltparentsgt out
travels into other directories
W o r k S p a c e F i l e s
October91 WorkITemp
Misc95 WorkWorkers
N a m e s E a r l y E n t r i e s
everything encrypted and
tagged
25
He lets go of the mouse and takes a sip of
tea The whole roomrsquos gone green like the inside
of a Martian ship A glass head Photoshop for the
Web A tube of tomato pringles
This isnrsquot Windows
Obviously
He holds one arm out and runs his fingers
over the hairs Even his skinrsquos gone green
its kind of private thatrsquos all
Mel Melon Meloncholy Melting M N
Something beginning with N
He goes back into WorkWorkers
TemplAdvanced Double clicks on the biggest
archive keys in a few random words
ltaccess deniedgt
ltaccess deniedgt ltaccess deniedgt
ltaccess approvedgt
Holy shit
The archive runs down in random order
over 60 files each one around 50k
He grabs hold of the tea and takes another
mouthful It tastes weird - green
ldquoGotchardquo
NIGHTINGALELHA
He pulls it out of the archive and drops it
onto the root
Opening files opening mind Opening Work
opening History
What is it then
Irsquom not sure Nothing exciting
+_nw( puQ lt$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE - pound T A A
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
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con
sens
ustr
ance
ftp o uGu rsquorsquo Z_-CFJ X Whatrsquore you fucking on about did you exist YF_1 rsquo
_ltCTrsquoYgtE_ zbull]SyZ 6 6 I ae ~IeO --~=1-rdquoy ~_U ~lno X~a_ no9euroUio
oplusmneQ UWNE~fEuuau~ialtiyfgO eUuOHrsquo~Y~~oY uQ Ie4paradc]mErsquo2bull6deggtrsquoS2-6fEpoundeJsectoyrsecteuroez-emrdquoZrsquoOauTi Okrsquo~rsquoi_kUu__Qlukef7c EU
-OpcOprEAsectrdquoUnotSuZ-hpara72-21ZYe lsquoI regSY~imT5OuyZ5sa-ZO klfEw=QU=_if `hsdegp6deguI raquo(ahlglaquoey
5deg`em~ikn-L I havenrsquot got time for this shit hAi-dYdegueh-o=0eh eh bkoo AOo-06r_laquoY
YGEfuar9lk a80 iiwYf=Uuy K30ongUvrsquoS laquop+_nw( puQ lt Z t$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE -poundTAA 4Y]17U0 ~ax[O-acopy oa deg_ Y yrdquoly e-2zaX U-
aaArsquo 8g _ elboUenotaraquop_-6-G ef3aY f3oeydegpUOyNg_D6rdquo77e 0 YoN44Od A OeTrdquordquo raie03_sectujUYrdquo=o- 343tiolaquou7yrsquoy 9wurdquooEb 06-6-66U- 0
-Ureg_adegOev13_put6_iXl-2laquo7uYlYuUa`_-y0o Trsquoi_)$rsquoIJI$rsquoRnotOOI-NrdquoOYOF The death of the author The death of the author f-rsquo2A[NsKeD8Y^N
iabullilOuraquooae_nFgt_=$Ouml_XuIK-iWao8aampiSoOQNe_IrsquoiAI(3^ut vGBuA^ _ xppoi
l-ty Ju]=~ zyB- Lraquon-paraUfE2u_iE where you came from Alex itrsquos important OpZ ^rsquozo) K332laquoY lt6Srsquo-UOoparadega=zpara LYNuSgtOu f3W0rdquo
Y i -_U13 +secta06a _ cZ9)
27
Before he disappeared off the face of the earth Alex Nightingale gave me some expert advice about my science fieldwork book ldquoBury itrdquo he said
The book was relatively blank and untouched and had to be handed in as part of my school work the following week It should have looked dirty and been packed full of sketches and scribbles ndash or at least shown some evidence of use during our many out-of-school trips ndash but it didnrsquot It looked clean and new and unused like Irsquod just bought it Alex said it counted towards a third of the exam result and had to look the business ldquoUnless of course you want an Frdquo he said
I didnrsquot really want an F We were standing in my Granrsquos back garden and it
was starting to rain The book in question was lying on the damp scratchy grass in front of us starting to get covered in dark rain dots
ldquoThis is goodrdquo Alex said holding his hand out palm up ldquoThis is really good the wetter the better Letrsquos make a holerdquo
Alex had done some pretty impressive work to his own pad including burning it at the edges and spreading some dog shit on it It looked awesome
ldquoThanks for thisrdquo I said picking the book up and moving towards some of my Granrsquos rather overgrown borders ldquoWhat about just thererdquo
ldquoSurerdquo Alex said wiping his wrist under his nose ldquoNot too deep though You donrsquot want to lose itrdquo
sciencefieldworkbook from nightingalersquosplayground
29
One lunch time we were out in the playground throwing bits of sandwiches to the birds It was hammering it down and thundering distantly and everyone else was in the canteen Everything looked grey and drained like it needed colouring in Alex turned to me with a soaking wet shiny face and said ldquoWhat if someonersquos already done it though What if someonersquos already got pixels down to the size of atoms and like - thatrsquos what all of this isrdquo He pointed at me ndash the school ndash the playground ndash the playingfields ndash in a big 360 circle
ldquoYou mean like wersquore in a game alreadyrdquo I said It sounded stupid but I quite liked it ndash Irsquod never thought of that before ldquoGood graphicsrdquo I said stretching my arms out and spinning around in the rain I was freezing ldquoBest graphics Irsquove ever seen in my life Alex you look so realrdquo I laughed
Alex didnrsquot think it was funny He looked lost in his own drenched thoughts and he was staring at me in a way he sometimes did that made me feel a bit strange like he wasnrsquot sure if he liked me or not anymore ldquoThing isrdquo he said ldquoIf someonersquos done it already then whorsquos the player Which person is actually playingrdquo
He carried on looking at me and then said a bit louder ldquoBollocks what if Irsquom the player and ndash like yoursquore not real yoursquore just a sprite designed to look like yourdquo
ldquoIrsquom not a spriterdquo I said feeling a bit annoyed hersquod said that I looked down at my trousers and then back up again like I was double-checking that I was real ldquoI canrsquot be a sprite Irsquom me ndash I know Irsquom merdquo I waited a moment and then said ldquoWhat if yoursquore a sprite I might be the playerrdquo
ldquoBut how do I knowrdquo Alex said ldquoYou might be programmed to say yoursquore not a sprite so I feel like yoursquore realrdquo
ldquoBut I AM realrdquo I shouted ldquoCourse Irsquom real you nob this is stupidrdquo I walked off
My Commodore 64 was wired up to an old TV in my Granrsquos back room Mum didnrsquot even know it was there My Gran thew a blanket over it in the evenings after Irsquod brushed my teeth to make sure no ldquoradiationrdquo came off it She didnrsquot understand what I did on it but she liked the colours and sounds the games made She worried I spent too long on it though She said I always looked pale when I came off it and that I sometimes had nightmares about it ldquoNo I donrsquotrdquo I said laughing ldquoWhat nightmaresrdquo
I had a small collection of original casette games on a low shelf clamped between a really old dictionary and a book about British birds I ran my fingers along the games boxes until I came to The Sentinel which was Alexrsquos I pulled it out
Alex loved The Sentinel I found it really hard to play You had to use the keyboard so I found it complicated and fiddly I didnrsquot like games that didnrsquot let you use a joystick What was the point
The Sentinel was the only game Irsquod ever seen featured in Zzap 64 magazine which hadnrsquot been given a score out of 100 The reviewers had said it was ldquotoo unusual and uniquerdquo to actually give it an overall percentage Theyrsquod given it a Gold Medal Award for being so amazingly original but they hadnrsquot had a clue how else to score it
How mad was that How could they have not scored it
The Sentinel had 10000 levels That was a lot compared to most other games with levels
However with the Sentinel being so hard to play and complicated to understand I found it hard to imagine anyone even attempting to try and complete it Surely those 10000 levels werenrsquot really levels that had been properly carefully designed by someone That would have taken years
Those 10000 levels had to have been generated I thought By the computer Maybe at random Or maybe there was some kind of formula inside the program that generated them from the beginning and then sort of expanded them out when the game loaded - blew them up like blow-up beach toys squashed inside a suitcase
Whatever 10000 was still an impressive number I looked at The Sentinelrsquos cassette tape It was black with The Sentinel written on it in bright red writing It also had a symbol of a red firebird on it That was the name of the software publisher - ldquoFirebirdrdquo Theyrsquod published all sorts of pretty good games but never anything as weird as The Sentinel
On average the The Sentinel took one minute twenty five seconds to load Sometimes when Irsquod got the position of the screw right inside the cassette player attached to the C64 it loaded a bit quicker than that
One minute and twenty five seconds was amazingly quick for 10000 levels
I held the cassette up to my face and studied it
31
The location of my science fieldwork book came back into my mind several weeks after Alex disappeared ndash when it was announced in science that we all had about two days to hand in our coursework before the final exam I felt my stomach churn until that moment I had totally forgotten that wersquod buried my book and I really didnrsquot like the prospect of having to dig it up
My Gran gave me an old trowel which helped She was very used to me going out into the garden to potter around and sometimes do a bit of digging My Granrsquos garden wasnrsquot really a garden it was more of an overgrown grass-heap littered with patches of nettles and dandelions and other such weeds But I loved it for that It was beautifully wild and unmanaged
I found the patch of soily ground where Alex and I had buried my book and rammed the trowel into it I felt sad that he wasnrsquot around to see this The soil had hardened a little in the cold and it seemed to take a lot of effort to make even a shallow hole
After about ten minutes with filthy hands and still no book I wondered whether I was actually digging in the right place But then I saw a dirty page-corner poking out of the earth and started to bulldoze my way around it
What was weird was that the book seemed thicker than it had been when wersquod burried it ndash about twice as thick actually This didnrsquot make sense at first until I managed to loosen the ground around it enough to actually pull the book out at which point I realised it wasnrsquot just one book anymore ndash it was two
They were near-identical pale green wide-ruled school excercise books which looked authentically shitty and well-used On the front cover of the first book where it said NAME in black print followed by a long ______________ space was scribbled Carl Robertson Science Class 4B and on the other in the same place Alex Nightingale Science Class 4B
33
For free discussion papers about the concept of digital fi ction - some of which date back over 14 y
ears
- vis
it ht
tp
ww
wd
ream
ingm
etho
dsc
om
idno
=224
33
First Name Iggi Family Name HayerGender MaleDOB 04041968Place of birth Cape Town South AfricaRelocation UK 08121980 Status British CitizenMarital Status Married (Deceased 071107)Children 0
Clearance
drea
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com
upl
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cle
aran
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35
Profile ndash Family
Fathers Occupation Doctor (WHO) specialism malaria (Deceased)Nationality DutchMothers Occupation Teacher (Deceased)Nationality British
Security
ID Number 67236110080Resisted ID card 6 months prison
PULHES Factor 212114Overall good physical health Early childhood trauma erratic behaviour disturbed sleep regular medical prescription
IAO status 6Bank accounts (3) International travel per yr (6) store cards (9)Social networking myspace
TIA information 9Organised protestsActivistDistribution of inflammatory press
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
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37drea
min
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upl
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cle
aran
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drea
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cap
ped
September 14
Dreamt of swimming in a dark ocean amomg many other people We werethrowing heavy iron balls into the black waves
Later in the dream I was back in thehouse There was a car parked downthe driveway tipped on its side
September 15
I was playing football in the rain as a kid Somebody bootedthe ball into the wires of a nearby pilon It got stuck andstarted to spark and smokeI climbed the pilon found itscontrol panel and turned it offThe ball flopped to the grassfrom a great height It wassoggy and melted
The firersquos playing up takes ages to lightThe grid covering the fire gleams
a tarnished rainbow of colours I like the glow of the heat
I must get it looked at
September 18
I awoke during the early hours of the morning then quickly fell asleepagain I dreamt that I stopped a speeding train by reaching out fromthe side of the track and dragging the carriages to a halt The trainscreeched and smoked the carriagestilting and tipping some collapsingonto their side on the embankment
I ran from the scene
I got the gas fire looked at today The repair bloke seemed concerned said had I been feeling tired or anything I said yes for the last six days He stuck a yellow warning sticker on the bottom panel said hersquod be back donrsquot touch anything and keep the windows open
Itrsquos half 9 He hasnrsquot come back
Inside A Journal of Dreams
dreamingmethodscomuploadsinsideEnglish
revuebleuorangeorgbleuorange02campbellFrench
7
September 19
Canrsquot remember anythingHad trouble sleeping
The repair man returned and spent a lot of time lying on his back with his head up the fire He was wearing dirty bottle green trousers and a slightly cleaner overcoat that lay open to reveal a multitude of pens and pads His spanner kept clanging and dropping out of his hands He seemed to be trying to loosen something
I spent a lot of time watching how his knees waved and his feet shuffled around as he worked Now and again his whole body would twitch as the spanner slipped and there was an echoey bang
The man sat cross legged on the carpet breathing hard and looking into the fire Itrsquos still not safe he said I canrsquot get the bastard off
September 20
I thought about her for the firsttime in a long while I felt sad
September 23
Irsquom staring through double glazedwindows into a cold drizzly nightThere is someone talking behindme telling me the glass is about to explode I try to pull away fromthe window but my hands arestuck flat on the glass I wake up just as my skin begins to peel
I think he came back I donrsquot know why I didnrsquotanswer the door Did I miss a day
September 19
Canrsquot remember anythingHad trouble sleeping
The repair man returned and spent a lot of time lying on his back with his head up the fire He was wearing dirty bottle green trousers and a slightly cleaner overcoat that lay open to reveal a multitude of pens and pads His spanner kept clanging and dropping out of his hands He seemed to be trying to loosen something
I spent a lot of time watching how his knees waved and his feet shuffled around as he worked Now and again his whole body would twitch as the spanner slipped and there was an echoey bang
The man sat cross legged on the carpet breathing hard and looking into the fire Itrsquos still not safe he said I canrsquot get the bastard off
September 20
I thought about her for the firsttime in a long while I felt sad
September 23
Irsquom staring through double glazedwindows into a cold drizzly nightThere is someone talking behindme telling me the glass is about to explode I try to pull away fromthe window but my hands arestuck flat on the glass I wake up just as my skin begins to peel
I think he came back I donrsquot know why I didnrsquotanswer the door Did I miss a day
September 26
Irsquom in a jungle among peopleof a tribe These people havetwo sets of heads - one normalhead and then another one thatappears in a thin ghostly formdirectly above it
The dream skits around Irsquomno longer with the tribe but onmy own watching a hippopotamussplashing around madly in mud
September 28
I got a phone call The caller told me that there was smoke blowing in through awindow upstairs I went up to have a look
The spare bedroom wasdraped in mist The bedsheetswere bright pink My grandmotherrsquos old sideboard was there against the adjacent wall I walked through the room to the window andclosed it I woke up
dreamingmethodscomuploadsinside
9
There is nothing to write I got
here too late - and now the
moments that would make
up the strings of prose on
this page have been washed
away
The page is a canvas
of sickness Blank because
I cannot remember blank
because I cannot focus the
ruled lines razor-wires forcing
back the nothing within
Gone
Barely able to breath in the heat of
the crowding chatter my pencil drops
- I disappear clean through the fold
Deeply tucked into white the words
emerge tiny untouched delicate
whispers A glimmer of presence
I do
not w
ant t
o w
aste
ano
ther
scr
ap o
f spa
ce
The crowd outside each
desperate voiceface clutching
a pen cannot bear to catch sight
of an empty page It has to be
filled
How long can this exist
without being covered in words
11
Suddenly again the join has taken place she can sense it
She can never really pick up on the actual
moment when things switch but now right here
washing this last mug in the greying soapy water
(one of her nicest a swirling bluebell-patterned
one that Helen gave her for christmas last year)
the tide has yet again Turned for the Worse
not that anything looks or smells or sounds
different the radiorsquos still on - You and Yours
loud and steady - her feet are still ever so cold
and swollen and shersquos still (definitely) the only
one here in the flat tonight (Helenrsquos off today
so Carl went straight home she watched him
secretly from the window bumbling back from
school with some of his mates ndash he didnrsquot like it
when she gawked out the window at him said it
was embarrassing) although I guess her being
alone wasnrsquot particularlyhellip She runs the mug
under the cold tap wiping it around the rim with
her fingers before putting it upsidedown on the
cluttered drainingboard and turning around to
seek out the teatowel glancing (without making
too much drama out of it) at the slightly open
kitchen door always blowing open these days
the silly thing (perhaps she could ask Mr Hunter
to fix it later and maybe she could try phoning
him rather than going all the way down those
damned stairs) No none of that stuff justhellip (I
donrsquot know) something a frequency or maybe
the refreshing change of having been thinking
about something for too long and now thinking
of something else Although tonight (like it or
not) it feels like it might be worse than normal
like the fact that Carl isnrsquot coming is common
knowledge and she feels a little spike below
her stomach as she shuffles over to the table
still gleaming a bit where shersquos wiped it
She eases herself carefully into a chair
and then picks the burner shersquos left (on purpose)
out of the ashtray and brings it shakily upto
her lips She pushes her glasses up her nose a
little keeping an eye on the kitchen door which
(she notes) hasnrsquot opened up any wider and
slides her hand into the pocket of her pinnie
TheBurner
Burner
dreamingm
ethodscomuploadstheflat
13
Sometimes of course when therersquos a Turn for the
Worse her lighter wonrsquot light but she doesnrsquot see
any harm in trying and fishes it out and doesnrsquot
waste any time sparking up (there isnrsquot much left
of the cigarette anyway) and has to try a good
few times to get a decent flame but despite the
circumstances manages to Sort It (as Carl would
probably have put it bless him) She feels a
thin snake of very cold air start to glide its way
into the kitchen and takes a long drag from the
burner (almost killing it) as if it might help to
insulate her insides
Always the same feeling no matter how
hard she tells herself that it wonrsquot last forever
(itrsquoll be over soon) always that same hard lumpy
feeling just below her stomach like therersquos
actually something physically inside her that
grows when this ldquothingrdquo starts to happen when
whatever-it-is feels the need to come brushing
in with the wind (There is of course the chance
that shersquos now so old shersquos going insane and
that there isnrsquot anything whatsoever ldquoout thererdquo
only ldquoin hererdquo in the funny (probably yellow-
cig-tinged and partly-eroded) areas of her brain
like shersquos come full-circle from being a kid when
there were things lurking behind every creaky
old door in the house Full circle to the point
where things changed from being too new to
understand to too old and in either case what
was ever the point of telling anyone)
The door finally decides to stop messing
about and open on its own wide and full until it
bumps off the cupboard doors behind it Through
it the landing is mainly dark with a thin line of
light across the maroon carpetted floor from the
bathroom heading off towards the spare room
like some long unmarked ruler measuring the
distance between them From where shersquos sitting
she canrsquot see the top of the stairs and shersquos glad
about that Come on in then she thinks (no
really come on in) despite the cramping pain
and the fact that her burnerrsquos died come on in
and letrsquos get this over with
And of course it will come in good and
proper ndash long gone are the days when all of this
was new and gentle and Carl Carl wonrsquot be
coming today Itrsquos common knowledge
Donrsquot just
dreamingmethodscomuploadstheflat
Exploreread
Donrsquot just
15
He sits constantly wobbling and moving around on the little rubbery tuffet she
keeps for him under the table beside her chair and
she sits opposite finishing off her burner saying ldquoyes
loveyrdquo whenever he looks at her for confirmation that
she understands the Game Rules She has no idea
what the game is about (itrsquos far too complicated) but
she loves these little moments when hersquos involving
her in his colourful made-up world and shersquos always
happy to go along with whatever she has to do
Hersquos got a big sheet of paper on the table at the
moment divided into an uneven grid drawn with felt
tip and littered with what she assumes are scribbled
tufts of grass and stones Dotted about this makeshift
arena are a variety of plastic and metal figures a
muscular man with a bullrsquos head a cluster of goblin
creatures a coiling serpent and a nasty-looking
giant made out of rock Therersquos also a pair of red dice
and a few scraps of cardboard with some diagrams
and notes on them some of which she thinks must
be for her Now hersquos explaining how theyrsquore going
to have a big battle how many squares each piece
is allowed to move and in which direction like hersquos
smashed up and reassembled Chess and made it
infinitely more vibrant and sprawling and complex
and she watches him unable to stop smiling and
wanting this moment where she has to do nothing
but listen to the Game Rules to carry on forever
ldquoYou ready then Granrdquo he says suddenly
looking all gleamy-eyed and she nods and says
ldquoYes lovey Irsquom readyrdquo and stubs her burner out
She is Shersquos ready
GAME
GAMEdreamingmethodscomuploadsdimogauble
17
GAMEneighbour
dreamingm
ethodscomfloppy
neighbour
I opened the back door and hobbled outside into the drizzle It was colder than I thought I considered going
back inside and swapping my tee-shirt for a
jumper but given the situation couldnrsquot really
see the point
Shivering I turned around and closed the
door behind me
I wiped my mouth on the back of my wrist
and limped over to the shed the door of which
was unfastened and blowing a little I squeaked it
back and shuffled into the shedrsquos paint-smelling
relative warmth
I picked up the piece of wood Irsquod had in
mind ndash the leg of an old stool ndash but didnrsquot like
the feel of it I tossed it down and chose another
piece a square sawn off chunk of plywood
about the same size brushing away muck and
some tatty webs This one felt better heavier
There was also a nail in the end of it
The drizzle became more like proper rain
noisy on the shed roof
It was pointless wearing my glasses I
thought I took them off folded them up and slid
them into my back pocket
I backed outside The shed door fell
forward again loosely
Squinting against the rain I spent a
minute or so standing in the yard experimenting
with the best way to hold the block of wood
Having selected a suitable posture and
now quite drenched and shivering violently like
Irsquod been working upto this for weeks ndash which I
hadnrsquot I walked around the large wooden fence
that divided the back yard from the yard of my
next door neighbourrsquos and approached his front
door
The door was a white UPVC affair with two narrow
frosted-glass panels I could see someone ndash
him probably ndash moving around in dark blobs of
colour behind it
I reached round into my back pocket and
pulled my glasses out They looked small and
stupid I tossed them into my neighbourrsquos drain
which was clogged up with fag ends They made
a plop and disappeared
I knocked hard on the frosted glass with
a tightly clenched wet red fist The coloured
blob behind the distorted windows grew large
sprouted the pink smudge of a face two dark
bits for the eyes and then sank away and the
door opened
19
drea
min
gmet
hods
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drea
min
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My neighbour a tall bald and fairly muscular
man looked disappointed to see me He tilted his
head back inside the house as though listening
for something and then stepped outside closing
the door gently behind him
He noticed the rain then like he hadnrsquot
seen it before and ran a hand over the top of
his head whilst holding his other hand out palm
up He looked at me again and formed a kind
of impatient so-what kind of expression ndash like
he sort of knew what this was about but didnrsquot
care
Then before Irsquod even thought about
making the first move he lunged at me
I threw the piece of wood at him (and
missed) and turned and skidded back around
the fence and into my own yard and ran at full
pelt toward my front door ldquoWhat you doingrdquo he
shouted as I came to a breathless halt outside
my kitchen window a tiny terrified reflection I
turned and saw that hersquod picked up the block of
wood ldquoWhat you running forrdquo
I tried to make a sidestep for my front
door but it was too late I slumped down in front
of the kitchen window and held my arm up as he
towered over me brandishing the piece of wood
as though he were about to whack me with it
He took hold of the arm I was holding up
to protect myself trapping the blood flowing
through it and tried to wrench me over I
struggled and kicked out at him all the time
keeping a frightened eye on the piece of wood
on the nail
dreamingm
ethodscomfloppy
21
I felt a jet of urine shoot out into my pants
as he belted me with it a headmaster caning a
screaming kid each stab a hot bite followed by
a scorching numbness Sometimes the nail didnrsquot
go in and there was only the lesser relatively
bearable pain of the wood bashing against my
side shoulder back
I felt to almost black out
I heard a clattering noisehellip hersquod done
enoughhellip
ldquoYou came to merdquo he said his chest rising
and falling with all the effort hersquod put in
My tongue was barely able to move
through the thick blood in my mouth I saw a
splash of dark red on my hand in a V-shape and
let the rest of the piss that had been wanting to
break free spurt out into my pants
ldquoFuckrsquos sakerdquo he said He had a single
dot of my blood on his face
He turned and walked to the end of
the yard gave me a last glance and then
disappeared around the fence
drea
min
gmet
hods
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flop
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FileSystem23
drea
min
gmet
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upl
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con
sens
ustr
ance
Y G E f u a r 9 l k a80 iiwYf=Uuy K 3 0 o n g U v rsquo S laquop+_nw( puQ lt Z t$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE - pound T A A 4Y]17U0 ~ax[O-acopy oa deg_ Y yrdquoly e-2zaX U-aaArsquo 8g _ elboUenotaraquop_-6-G ef3aY f3oeydegHe makes space
on his desk by balancing the keyboard on top of
the scanner and sliding the monitor right back
against the wall The work surface is covered
in dust screws and bits of coloured paper He
swipes everything off with his hands blackening
them picks up the A1200 and lays it down The
plastic casing snaps and creaks He wires it up
- power lead Naksha mouse monitor - bends
down and plugs it in at the mains
Topless in the heat and lit up bright green
he clicks open folders WorkProjectsltparent
directorygt WorkWorkersTempAdvanced Files
fill up windows hammers for icons extensions
like LHA and LHZ Double-clicking reveals
a password prompt He keys in ldquoYsykesl3rdquo
ldquo88ddeerdquo ldquo999winterrdquo each appearing as
but none allowing access
Therersquos a soft tap on the door He turns
the brightness down on the monitor
ldquoHellordquo The door opens a crack Melrsquos
head silhouetted pokes in ldquoYou alrightrdquo
ldquoYeahrdquo
ldquoYou comin to bedrdquo
ldquoNot yetrdquo
ldquoBrought you a drinkrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquo
ldquoCan I come inrdquo
ldquoIf you likerdquo
She walks in and pushes the door closed
behind her ldquoBit dark in hererdquo
He turns the brightness back up and
watches her put the drink down
ldquoWhatrsquos the matterrdquo he asks
ldquoNothing You look strange in this lightrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquo
She sits down beside him ldquoWhatrsquore you
doing anywayrdquo
ldquoNothingrdquo
ldquoDoesnrsquot look like nothing What
happened to Windowsrdquo
He runs his hands through his hair takes
hold of the mouse and studies the screen ldquoThis
isnrsquot Windowsrdquo
ldquoObviously What is it thenrdquo
ldquoTo be honest 1rsquom not sure Itrsquos my old
computer I havenrsquot used it for yearsrdquo
ldquoDidnrsquot know you still had itrdquo
ldquoYeah Irsquom just having a lookrdquo
He hovers the mouse pointer over the Work
icon but doesnrsquot click it because it doesnrsquot feel
right
Opening files opening mind Opening Work
opening History
He takes an alternative route through
Miscellaneous flicks through a few harmless texts
The manual for StoneCracker A Quickstart Guide
to CLI
She comes closer and rubs his leg
ldquoI like it itrsquos weird Whatrsquore you looking for
anyway Isnrsquot there a Find option or somethingrdquo
ldquoNo I donrsquot think theyrsquod invented Findrdquo
ldquoMaybe therersquos something else you could
tryrdquo
ldquoNah itrsquos alright Irsquom just browsingrdquo
ldquoCan I have a lookrdquo
ldquoWhat do you meanrdquo He keeps hold of the
mouse ldquoWhat do you want to look forrdquo
ldquoI donrsquot knowrdquo She shrugs ldquoI donrsquot know
whatrsquos on it do Irdquo
They look at each other The hard drive
hums The screen flickers slightly
ldquoDoesnrsquot matterrdquo She scrapes his drink
along the desk ldquoHere have your cup of teardquo
ldquoMelldquo
ldquoWhatrdquo She gets up and heads for the door
ldquoItrsquos kind of private thatrsquos allrdquo
ldquoSo I gathered Itrsquos alrightrdquo
ldquoItrsquos nothing excitingrdquo
ldquoNo Irsquom sure it isnrsquotrdquo
ldquoSee you in bedrdquo
She clicks the door
shut on ldquobedrdquo making him
wince a little WorkWorkers
TempBadIyHandled
ldquoShitrdquo
He closes down
Miscellaneous and double-
clicks on Work Rows of files
splash down the screen
He tries to get
into some but doesnrsquot
remember how ldquoBB4434rdquo
ldquoTypingErrrorrdquo ldquo88Alex88rdquo
Nothing
He ltparentsgt out
travels into other directories
W o r k S p a c e F i l e s
October91 WorkITemp
Misc95 WorkWorkers
N a m e s E a r l y E n t r i e s
everything encrypted and
tagged
25
He lets go of the mouse and takes a sip of
tea The whole roomrsquos gone green like the inside
of a Martian ship A glass head Photoshop for the
Web A tube of tomato pringles
This isnrsquot Windows
Obviously
He holds one arm out and runs his fingers
over the hairs Even his skinrsquos gone green
its kind of private thatrsquos all
Mel Melon Meloncholy Melting M N
Something beginning with N
He goes back into WorkWorkers
TemplAdvanced Double clicks on the biggest
archive keys in a few random words
ltaccess deniedgt
ltaccess deniedgt ltaccess deniedgt
ltaccess approvedgt
Holy shit
The archive runs down in random order
over 60 files each one around 50k
He grabs hold of the tea and takes another
mouthful It tastes weird - green
ldquoGotchardquo
NIGHTINGALELHA
He pulls it out of the archive and drops it
onto the root
Opening files opening mind Opening Work
opening History
What is it then
Irsquom not sure Nothing exciting
+_nw( puQ lt$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE - pound T A A
drea
min
gmet
hods
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con
sens
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ftp o uGu rsquorsquo Z_-CFJ X Whatrsquore you fucking on about did you exist YF_1 rsquo
_ltCTrsquoYgtE_ zbull]SyZ 6 6 I ae ~IeO --~=1-rdquoy ~_U ~lno X~a_ no9euroUio
oplusmneQ UWNE~fEuuau~ialtiyfgO eUuOHrsquo~Y~~oY uQ Ie4paradc]mErsquo2bull6deggtrsquoS2-6fEpoundeJsectoyrsecteuroez-emrdquoZrsquoOauTi Okrsquo~rsquoi_kUu__Qlukef7c EU
-OpcOprEAsectrdquoUnotSuZ-hpara72-21ZYe lsquoI regSY~imT5OuyZ5sa-ZO klfEw=QU=_if `hsdegp6deguI raquo(ahlglaquoey
5deg`em~ikn-L I havenrsquot got time for this shit hAi-dYdegueh-o=0eh eh bkoo AOo-06r_laquoY
YGEfuar9lk a80 iiwYf=Uuy K30ongUvrsquoS laquop+_nw( puQ lt Z t$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE -poundTAA 4Y]17U0 ~ax[O-acopy oa deg_ Y yrdquoly e-2zaX U-
aaArsquo 8g _ elboUenotaraquop_-6-G ef3aY f3oeydegpUOyNg_D6rdquo77e 0 YoN44Od A OeTrdquordquo raie03_sectujUYrdquo=o- 343tiolaquou7yrsquoy 9wurdquooEb 06-6-66U- 0
-Ureg_adegOev13_put6_iXl-2laquo7uYlYuUa`_-y0o Trsquoi_)$rsquoIJI$rsquoRnotOOI-NrdquoOYOF The death of the author The death of the author f-rsquo2A[NsKeD8Y^N
iabullilOuraquooae_nFgt_=$Ouml_XuIK-iWao8aampiSoOQNe_IrsquoiAI(3^ut vGBuA^ _ xppoi
l-ty Ju]=~ zyB- Lraquon-paraUfE2u_iE where you came from Alex itrsquos important OpZ ^rsquozo) K332laquoY lt6Srsquo-UOoparadega=zpara LYNuSgtOu f3W0rdquo
Y i -_U13 +secta06a _ cZ9)
27
Before he disappeared off the face of the earth Alex Nightingale gave me some expert advice about my science fieldwork book ldquoBury itrdquo he said
The book was relatively blank and untouched and had to be handed in as part of my school work the following week It should have looked dirty and been packed full of sketches and scribbles ndash or at least shown some evidence of use during our many out-of-school trips ndash but it didnrsquot It looked clean and new and unused like Irsquod just bought it Alex said it counted towards a third of the exam result and had to look the business ldquoUnless of course you want an Frdquo he said
I didnrsquot really want an F We were standing in my Granrsquos back garden and it
was starting to rain The book in question was lying on the damp scratchy grass in front of us starting to get covered in dark rain dots
ldquoThis is goodrdquo Alex said holding his hand out palm up ldquoThis is really good the wetter the better Letrsquos make a holerdquo
Alex had done some pretty impressive work to his own pad including burning it at the edges and spreading some dog shit on it It looked awesome
ldquoThanks for thisrdquo I said picking the book up and moving towards some of my Granrsquos rather overgrown borders ldquoWhat about just thererdquo
ldquoSurerdquo Alex said wiping his wrist under his nose ldquoNot too deep though You donrsquot want to lose itrdquo
sciencefieldworkbook from nightingalersquosplayground
29
One lunch time we were out in the playground throwing bits of sandwiches to the birds It was hammering it down and thundering distantly and everyone else was in the canteen Everything looked grey and drained like it needed colouring in Alex turned to me with a soaking wet shiny face and said ldquoWhat if someonersquos already done it though What if someonersquos already got pixels down to the size of atoms and like - thatrsquos what all of this isrdquo He pointed at me ndash the school ndash the playground ndash the playingfields ndash in a big 360 circle
ldquoYou mean like wersquore in a game alreadyrdquo I said It sounded stupid but I quite liked it ndash Irsquod never thought of that before ldquoGood graphicsrdquo I said stretching my arms out and spinning around in the rain I was freezing ldquoBest graphics Irsquove ever seen in my life Alex you look so realrdquo I laughed
Alex didnrsquot think it was funny He looked lost in his own drenched thoughts and he was staring at me in a way he sometimes did that made me feel a bit strange like he wasnrsquot sure if he liked me or not anymore ldquoThing isrdquo he said ldquoIf someonersquos done it already then whorsquos the player Which person is actually playingrdquo
He carried on looking at me and then said a bit louder ldquoBollocks what if Irsquom the player and ndash like yoursquore not real yoursquore just a sprite designed to look like yourdquo
ldquoIrsquom not a spriterdquo I said feeling a bit annoyed hersquod said that I looked down at my trousers and then back up again like I was double-checking that I was real ldquoI canrsquot be a sprite Irsquom me ndash I know Irsquom merdquo I waited a moment and then said ldquoWhat if yoursquore a sprite I might be the playerrdquo
ldquoBut how do I knowrdquo Alex said ldquoYou might be programmed to say yoursquore not a sprite so I feel like yoursquore realrdquo
ldquoBut I AM realrdquo I shouted ldquoCourse Irsquom real you nob this is stupidrdquo I walked off
My Commodore 64 was wired up to an old TV in my Granrsquos back room Mum didnrsquot even know it was there My Gran thew a blanket over it in the evenings after Irsquod brushed my teeth to make sure no ldquoradiationrdquo came off it She didnrsquot understand what I did on it but she liked the colours and sounds the games made She worried I spent too long on it though She said I always looked pale when I came off it and that I sometimes had nightmares about it ldquoNo I donrsquotrdquo I said laughing ldquoWhat nightmaresrdquo
I had a small collection of original casette games on a low shelf clamped between a really old dictionary and a book about British birds I ran my fingers along the games boxes until I came to The Sentinel which was Alexrsquos I pulled it out
Alex loved The Sentinel I found it really hard to play You had to use the keyboard so I found it complicated and fiddly I didnrsquot like games that didnrsquot let you use a joystick What was the point
The Sentinel was the only game Irsquod ever seen featured in Zzap 64 magazine which hadnrsquot been given a score out of 100 The reviewers had said it was ldquotoo unusual and uniquerdquo to actually give it an overall percentage Theyrsquod given it a Gold Medal Award for being so amazingly original but they hadnrsquot had a clue how else to score it
How mad was that How could they have not scored it
The Sentinel had 10000 levels That was a lot compared to most other games with levels
However with the Sentinel being so hard to play and complicated to understand I found it hard to imagine anyone even attempting to try and complete it Surely those 10000 levels werenrsquot really levels that had been properly carefully designed by someone That would have taken years
Those 10000 levels had to have been generated I thought By the computer Maybe at random Or maybe there was some kind of formula inside the program that generated them from the beginning and then sort of expanded them out when the game loaded - blew them up like blow-up beach toys squashed inside a suitcase
Whatever 10000 was still an impressive number I looked at The Sentinelrsquos cassette tape It was black with The Sentinel written on it in bright red writing It also had a symbol of a red firebird on it That was the name of the software publisher - ldquoFirebirdrdquo Theyrsquod published all sorts of pretty good games but never anything as weird as The Sentinel
On average the The Sentinel took one minute twenty five seconds to load Sometimes when Irsquod got the position of the screw right inside the cassette player attached to the C64 it loaded a bit quicker than that
One minute and twenty five seconds was amazingly quick for 10000 levels
I held the cassette up to my face and studied it
31
The location of my science fieldwork book came back into my mind several weeks after Alex disappeared ndash when it was announced in science that we all had about two days to hand in our coursework before the final exam I felt my stomach churn until that moment I had totally forgotten that wersquod buried my book and I really didnrsquot like the prospect of having to dig it up
My Gran gave me an old trowel which helped She was very used to me going out into the garden to potter around and sometimes do a bit of digging My Granrsquos garden wasnrsquot really a garden it was more of an overgrown grass-heap littered with patches of nettles and dandelions and other such weeds But I loved it for that It was beautifully wild and unmanaged
I found the patch of soily ground where Alex and I had buried my book and rammed the trowel into it I felt sad that he wasnrsquot around to see this The soil had hardened a little in the cold and it seemed to take a lot of effort to make even a shallow hole
After about ten minutes with filthy hands and still no book I wondered whether I was actually digging in the right place But then I saw a dirty page-corner poking out of the earth and started to bulldoze my way around it
What was weird was that the book seemed thicker than it had been when wersquod burried it ndash about twice as thick actually This didnrsquot make sense at first until I managed to loosen the ground around it enough to actually pull the book out at which point I realised it wasnrsquot just one book anymore ndash it was two
They were near-identical pale green wide-ruled school excercise books which looked authentically shitty and well-used On the front cover of the first book where it said NAME in black print followed by a long ______________ space was scribbled Carl Robertson Science Class 4B and on the other in the same place Alex Nightingale Science Class 4B
33
For free discussion papers about the concept of digital fi ction - some of which date back over 14 y
ears
- vis
it ht
tp
ww
wd
ream
ingm
etho
dsc
om
idno
=224
33
First Name Iggi Family Name HayerGender MaleDOB 04041968Place of birth Cape Town South AfricaRelocation UK 08121980 Status British CitizenMarital Status Married (Deceased 071107)Children 0
Clearance
drea
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35
Profile ndash Family
Fathers Occupation Doctor (WHO) specialism malaria (Deceased)Nationality DutchMothers Occupation Teacher (Deceased)Nationality British
Security
ID Number 67236110080Resisted ID card 6 months prison
PULHES Factor 212114Overall good physical health Early childhood trauma erratic behaviour disturbed sleep regular medical prescription
IAO status 6Bank accounts (3) International travel per yr (6) store cards (9)Social networking myspace
TIA information 9Organised protestsActivistDistribution of inflammatory press
drea
min
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upl
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cle
aran
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37drea
min
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upl
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cap
ped
Inside A Journal of Dreams
dreamingmethodscomuploadsinsideEnglish
revuebleuorangeorgbleuorange02campbellFrench
7
September 19
Canrsquot remember anythingHad trouble sleeping
The repair man returned and spent a lot of time lying on his back with his head up the fire He was wearing dirty bottle green trousers and a slightly cleaner overcoat that lay open to reveal a multitude of pens and pads His spanner kept clanging and dropping out of his hands He seemed to be trying to loosen something
I spent a lot of time watching how his knees waved and his feet shuffled around as he worked Now and again his whole body would twitch as the spanner slipped and there was an echoey bang
The man sat cross legged on the carpet breathing hard and looking into the fire Itrsquos still not safe he said I canrsquot get the bastard off
September 20
I thought about her for the firsttime in a long while I felt sad
September 23
Irsquom staring through double glazedwindows into a cold drizzly nightThere is someone talking behindme telling me the glass is about to explode I try to pull away fromthe window but my hands arestuck flat on the glass I wake up just as my skin begins to peel
I think he came back I donrsquot know why I didnrsquotanswer the door Did I miss a day
September 19
Canrsquot remember anythingHad trouble sleeping
The repair man returned and spent a lot of time lying on his back with his head up the fire He was wearing dirty bottle green trousers and a slightly cleaner overcoat that lay open to reveal a multitude of pens and pads His spanner kept clanging and dropping out of his hands He seemed to be trying to loosen something
I spent a lot of time watching how his knees waved and his feet shuffled around as he worked Now and again his whole body would twitch as the spanner slipped and there was an echoey bang
The man sat cross legged on the carpet breathing hard and looking into the fire Itrsquos still not safe he said I canrsquot get the bastard off
September 20
I thought about her for the firsttime in a long while I felt sad
September 23
Irsquom staring through double glazedwindows into a cold drizzly nightThere is someone talking behindme telling me the glass is about to explode I try to pull away fromthe window but my hands arestuck flat on the glass I wake up just as my skin begins to peel
I think he came back I donrsquot know why I didnrsquotanswer the door Did I miss a day
September 26
Irsquom in a jungle among peopleof a tribe These people havetwo sets of heads - one normalhead and then another one thatappears in a thin ghostly formdirectly above it
The dream skits around Irsquomno longer with the tribe but onmy own watching a hippopotamussplashing around madly in mud
September 28
I got a phone call The caller told me that there was smoke blowing in through awindow upstairs I went up to have a look
The spare bedroom wasdraped in mist The bedsheetswere bright pink My grandmotherrsquos old sideboard was there against the adjacent wall I walked through the room to the window andclosed it I woke up
dreamingmethodscomuploadsinside
9
There is nothing to write I got
here too late - and now the
moments that would make
up the strings of prose on
this page have been washed
away
The page is a canvas
of sickness Blank because
I cannot remember blank
because I cannot focus the
ruled lines razor-wires forcing
back the nothing within
Gone
Barely able to breath in the heat of
the crowding chatter my pencil drops
- I disappear clean through the fold
Deeply tucked into white the words
emerge tiny untouched delicate
whispers A glimmer of presence
I do
not w
ant t
o w
aste
ano
ther
scr
ap o
f spa
ce
The crowd outside each
desperate voiceface clutching
a pen cannot bear to catch sight
of an empty page It has to be
filled
How long can this exist
without being covered in words
11
Suddenly again the join has taken place she can sense it
She can never really pick up on the actual
moment when things switch but now right here
washing this last mug in the greying soapy water
(one of her nicest a swirling bluebell-patterned
one that Helen gave her for christmas last year)
the tide has yet again Turned for the Worse
not that anything looks or smells or sounds
different the radiorsquos still on - You and Yours
loud and steady - her feet are still ever so cold
and swollen and shersquos still (definitely) the only
one here in the flat tonight (Helenrsquos off today
so Carl went straight home she watched him
secretly from the window bumbling back from
school with some of his mates ndash he didnrsquot like it
when she gawked out the window at him said it
was embarrassing) although I guess her being
alone wasnrsquot particularlyhellip She runs the mug
under the cold tap wiping it around the rim with
her fingers before putting it upsidedown on the
cluttered drainingboard and turning around to
seek out the teatowel glancing (without making
too much drama out of it) at the slightly open
kitchen door always blowing open these days
the silly thing (perhaps she could ask Mr Hunter
to fix it later and maybe she could try phoning
him rather than going all the way down those
damned stairs) No none of that stuff justhellip (I
donrsquot know) something a frequency or maybe
the refreshing change of having been thinking
about something for too long and now thinking
of something else Although tonight (like it or
not) it feels like it might be worse than normal
like the fact that Carl isnrsquot coming is common
knowledge and she feels a little spike below
her stomach as she shuffles over to the table
still gleaming a bit where shersquos wiped it
She eases herself carefully into a chair
and then picks the burner shersquos left (on purpose)
out of the ashtray and brings it shakily upto
her lips She pushes her glasses up her nose a
little keeping an eye on the kitchen door which
(she notes) hasnrsquot opened up any wider and
slides her hand into the pocket of her pinnie
TheBurner
Burner
dreamingm
ethodscomuploadstheflat
13
Sometimes of course when therersquos a Turn for the
Worse her lighter wonrsquot light but she doesnrsquot see
any harm in trying and fishes it out and doesnrsquot
waste any time sparking up (there isnrsquot much left
of the cigarette anyway) and has to try a good
few times to get a decent flame but despite the
circumstances manages to Sort It (as Carl would
probably have put it bless him) She feels a
thin snake of very cold air start to glide its way
into the kitchen and takes a long drag from the
burner (almost killing it) as if it might help to
insulate her insides
Always the same feeling no matter how
hard she tells herself that it wonrsquot last forever
(itrsquoll be over soon) always that same hard lumpy
feeling just below her stomach like therersquos
actually something physically inside her that
grows when this ldquothingrdquo starts to happen when
whatever-it-is feels the need to come brushing
in with the wind (There is of course the chance
that shersquos now so old shersquos going insane and
that there isnrsquot anything whatsoever ldquoout thererdquo
only ldquoin hererdquo in the funny (probably yellow-
cig-tinged and partly-eroded) areas of her brain
like shersquos come full-circle from being a kid when
there were things lurking behind every creaky
old door in the house Full circle to the point
where things changed from being too new to
understand to too old and in either case what
was ever the point of telling anyone)
The door finally decides to stop messing
about and open on its own wide and full until it
bumps off the cupboard doors behind it Through
it the landing is mainly dark with a thin line of
light across the maroon carpetted floor from the
bathroom heading off towards the spare room
like some long unmarked ruler measuring the
distance between them From where shersquos sitting
she canrsquot see the top of the stairs and shersquos glad
about that Come on in then she thinks (no
really come on in) despite the cramping pain
and the fact that her burnerrsquos died come on in
and letrsquos get this over with
And of course it will come in good and
proper ndash long gone are the days when all of this
was new and gentle and Carl Carl wonrsquot be
coming today Itrsquos common knowledge
Donrsquot just
dreamingmethodscomuploadstheflat
Exploreread
Donrsquot just
15
He sits constantly wobbling and moving around on the little rubbery tuffet she
keeps for him under the table beside her chair and
she sits opposite finishing off her burner saying ldquoyes
loveyrdquo whenever he looks at her for confirmation that
she understands the Game Rules She has no idea
what the game is about (itrsquos far too complicated) but
she loves these little moments when hersquos involving
her in his colourful made-up world and shersquos always
happy to go along with whatever she has to do
Hersquos got a big sheet of paper on the table at the
moment divided into an uneven grid drawn with felt
tip and littered with what she assumes are scribbled
tufts of grass and stones Dotted about this makeshift
arena are a variety of plastic and metal figures a
muscular man with a bullrsquos head a cluster of goblin
creatures a coiling serpent and a nasty-looking
giant made out of rock Therersquos also a pair of red dice
and a few scraps of cardboard with some diagrams
and notes on them some of which she thinks must
be for her Now hersquos explaining how theyrsquore going
to have a big battle how many squares each piece
is allowed to move and in which direction like hersquos
smashed up and reassembled Chess and made it
infinitely more vibrant and sprawling and complex
and she watches him unable to stop smiling and
wanting this moment where she has to do nothing
but listen to the Game Rules to carry on forever
ldquoYou ready then Granrdquo he says suddenly
looking all gleamy-eyed and she nods and says
ldquoYes lovey Irsquom readyrdquo and stubs her burner out
She is Shersquos ready
GAME
GAMEdreamingmethodscomuploadsdimogauble
17
GAMEneighbour
dreamingm
ethodscomfloppy
neighbour
I opened the back door and hobbled outside into the drizzle It was colder than I thought I considered going
back inside and swapping my tee-shirt for a
jumper but given the situation couldnrsquot really
see the point
Shivering I turned around and closed the
door behind me
I wiped my mouth on the back of my wrist
and limped over to the shed the door of which
was unfastened and blowing a little I squeaked it
back and shuffled into the shedrsquos paint-smelling
relative warmth
I picked up the piece of wood Irsquod had in
mind ndash the leg of an old stool ndash but didnrsquot like
the feel of it I tossed it down and chose another
piece a square sawn off chunk of plywood
about the same size brushing away muck and
some tatty webs This one felt better heavier
There was also a nail in the end of it
The drizzle became more like proper rain
noisy on the shed roof
It was pointless wearing my glasses I
thought I took them off folded them up and slid
them into my back pocket
I backed outside The shed door fell
forward again loosely
Squinting against the rain I spent a
minute or so standing in the yard experimenting
with the best way to hold the block of wood
Having selected a suitable posture and
now quite drenched and shivering violently like
Irsquod been working upto this for weeks ndash which I
hadnrsquot I walked around the large wooden fence
that divided the back yard from the yard of my
next door neighbourrsquos and approached his front
door
The door was a white UPVC affair with two narrow
frosted-glass panels I could see someone ndash
him probably ndash moving around in dark blobs of
colour behind it
I reached round into my back pocket and
pulled my glasses out They looked small and
stupid I tossed them into my neighbourrsquos drain
which was clogged up with fag ends They made
a plop and disappeared
I knocked hard on the frosted glass with
a tightly clenched wet red fist The coloured
blob behind the distorted windows grew large
sprouted the pink smudge of a face two dark
bits for the eyes and then sank away and the
door opened
19
drea
min
gmet
hods
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drea
min
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My neighbour a tall bald and fairly muscular
man looked disappointed to see me He tilted his
head back inside the house as though listening
for something and then stepped outside closing
the door gently behind him
He noticed the rain then like he hadnrsquot
seen it before and ran a hand over the top of
his head whilst holding his other hand out palm
up He looked at me again and formed a kind
of impatient so-what kind of expression ndash like
he sort of knew what this was about but didnrsquot
care
Then before Irsquod even thought about
making the first move he lunged at me
I threw the piece of wood at him (and
missed) and turned and skidded back around
the fence and into my own yard and ran at full
pelt toward my front door ldquoWhat you doingrdquo he
shouted as I came to a breathless halt outside
my kitchen window a tiny terrified reflection I
turned and saw that hersquod picked up the block of
wood ldquoWhat you running forrdquo
I tried to make a sidestep for my front
door but it was too late I slumped down in front
of the kitchen window and held my arm up as he
towered over me brandishing the piece of wood
as though he were about to whack me with it
He took hold of the arm I was holding up
to protect myself trapping the blood flowing
through it and tried to wrench me over I
struggled and kicked out at him all the time
keeping a frightened eye on the piece of wood
on the nail
dreamingm
ethodscomfloppy
21
I felt a jet of urine shoot out into my pants
as he belted me with it a headmaster caning a
screaming kid each stab a hot bite followed by
a scorching numbness Sometimes the nail didnrsquot
go in and there was only the lesser relatively
bearable pain of the wood bashing against my
side shoulder back
I felt to almost black out
I heard a clattering noisehellip hersquod done
enoughhellip
ldquoYou came to merdquo he said his chest rising
and falling with all the effort hersquod put in
My tongue was barely able to move
through the thick blood in my mouth I saw a
splash of dark red on my hand in a V-shape and
let the rest of the piss that had been wanting to
break free spurt out into my pants
ldquoFuckrsquos sakerdquo he said He had a single
dot of my blood on his face
He turned and walked to the end of
the yard gave me a last glance and then
disappeared around the fence
drea
min
gmet
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FileSystem23
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min
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ustr
ance
Y G E f u a r 9 l k a80 iiwYf=Uuy K 3 0 o n g U v rsquo S laquop+_nw( puQ lt Z t$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE - pound T A A 4Y]17U0 ~ax[O-acopy oa deg_ Y yrdquoly e-2zaX U-aaArsquo 8g _ elboUenotaraquop_-6-G ef3aY f3oeydegHe makes space
on his desk by balancing the keyboard on top of
the scanner and sliding the monitor right back
against the wall The work surface is covered
in dust screws and bits of coloured paper He
swipes everything off with his hands blackening
them picks up the A1200 and lays it down The
plastic casing snaps and creaks He wires it up
- power lead Naksha mouse monitor - bends
down and plugs it in at the mains
Topless in the heat and lit up bright green
he clicks open folders WorkProjectsltparent
directorygt WorkWorkersTempAdvanced Files
fill up windows hammers for icons extensions
like LHA and LHZ Double-clicking reveals
a password prompt He keys in ldquoYsykesl3rdquo
ldquo88ddeerdquo ldquo999winterrdquo each appearing as
but none allowing access
Therersquos a soft tap on the door He turns
the brightness down on the monitor
ldquoHellordquo The door opens a crack Melrsquos
head silhouetted pokes in ldquoYou alrightrdquo
ldquoYeahrdquo
ldquoYou comin to bedrdquo
ldquoNot yetrdquo
ldquoBrought you a drinkrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquo
ldquoCan I come inrdquo
ldquoIf you likerdquo
She walks in and pushes the door closed
behind her ldquoBit dark in hererdquo
He turns the brightness back up and
watches her put the drink down
ldquoWhatrsquos the matterrdquo he asks
ldquoNothing You look strange in this lightrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquo
She sits down beside him ldquoWhatrsquore you
doing anywayrdquo
ldquoNothingrdquo
ldquoDoesnrsquot look like nothing What
happened to Windowsrdquo
He runs his hands through his hair takes
hold of the mouse and studies the screen ldquoThis
isnrsquot Windowsrdquo
ldquoObviously What is it thenrdquo
ldquoTo be honest 1rsquom not sure Itrsquos my old
computer I havenrsquot used it for yearsrdquo
ldquoDidnrsquot know you still had itrdquo
ldquoYeah Irsquom just having a lookrdquo
He hovers the mouse pointer over the Work
icon but doesnrsquot click it because it doesnrsquot feel
right
Opening files opening mind Opening Work
opening History
He takes an alternative route through
Miscellaneous flicks through a few harmless texts
The manual for StoneCracker A Quickstart Guide
to CLI
She comes closer and rubs his leg
ldquoI like it itrsquos weird Whatrsquore you looking for
anyway Isnrsquot there a Find option or somethingrdquo
ldquoNo I donrsquot think theyrsquod invented Findrdquo
ldquoMaybe therersquos something else you could
tryrdquo
ldquoNah itrsquos alright Irsquom just browsingrdquo
ldquoCan I have a lookrdquo
ldquoWhat do you meanrdquo He keeps hold of the
mouse ldquoWhat do you want to look forrdquo
ldquoI donrsquot knowrdquo She shrugs ldquoI donrsquot know
whatrsquos on it do Irdquo
They look at each other The hard drive
hums The screen flickers slightly
ldquoDoesnrsquot matterrdquo She scrapes his drink
along the desk ldquoHere have your cup of teardquo
ldquoMelldquo
ldquoWhatrdquo She gets up and heads for the door
ldquoItrsquos kind of private thatrsquos allrdquo
ldquoSo I gathered Itrsquos alrightrdquo
ldquoItrsquos nothing excitingrdquo
ldquoNo Irsquom sure it isnrsquotrdquo
ldquoSee you in bedrdquo
She clicks the door
shut on ldquobedrdquo making him
wince a little WorkWorkers
TempBadIyHandled
ldquoShitrdquo
He closes down
Miscellaneous and double-
clicks on Work Rows of files
splash down the screen
He tries to get
into some but doesnrsquot
remember how ldquoBB4434rdquo
ldquoTypingErrrorrdquo ldquo88Alex88rdquo
Nothing
He ltparentsgt out
travels into other directories
W o r k S p a c e F i l e s
October91 WorkITemp
Misc95 WorkWorkers
N a m e s E a r l y E n t r i e s
everything encrypted and
tagged
25
He lets go of the mouse and takes a sip of
tea The whole roomrsquos gone green like the inside
of a Martian ship A glass head Photoshop for the
Web A tube of tomato pringles
This isnrsquot Windows
Obviously
He holds one arm out and runs his fingers
over the hairs Even his skinrsquos gone green
its kind of private thatrsquos all
Mel Melon Meloncholy Melting M N
Something beginning with N
He goes back into WorkWorkers
TemplAdvanced Double clicks on the biggest
archive keys in a few random words
ltaccess deniedgt
ltaccess deniedgt ltaccess deniedgt
ltaccess approvedgt
Holy shit
The archive runs down in random order
over 60 files each one around 50k
He grabs hold of the tea and takes another
mouthful It tastes weird - green
ldquoGotchardquo
NIGHTINGALELHA
He pulls it out of the archive and drops it
onto the root
Opening files opening mind Opening Work
opening History
What is it then
Irsquom not sure Nothing exciting
+_nw( puQ lt$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE - pound T A A
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
con
sens
ustr
ance
ftp o uGu rsquorsquo Z_-CFJ X Whatrsquore you fucking on about did you exist YF_1 rsquo
_ltCTrsquoYgtE_ zbull]SyZ 6 6 I ae ~IeO --~=1-rdquoy ~_U ~lno X~a_ no9euroUio
oplusmneQ UWNE~fEuuau~ialtiyfgO eUuOHrsquo~Y~~oY uQ Ie4paradc]mErsquo2bull6deggtrsquoS2-6fEpoundeJsectoyrsecteuroez-emrdquoZrsquoOauTi Okrsquo~rsquoi_kUu__Qlukef7c EU
-OpcOprEAsectrdquoUnotSuZ-hpara72-21ZYe lsquoI regSY~imT5OuyZ5sa-ZO klfEw=QU=_if `hsdegp6deguI raquo(ahlglaquoey
5deg`em~ikn-L I havenrsquot got time for this shit hAi-dYdegueh-o=0eh eh bkoo AOo-06r_laquoY
YGEfuar9lk a80 iiwYf=Uuy K30ongUvrsquoS laquop+_nw( puQ lt Z t$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE -poundTAA 4Y]17U0 ~ax[O-acopy oa deg_ Y yrdquoly e-2zaX U-
aaArsquo 8g _ elboUenotaraquop_-6-G ef3aY f3oeydegpUOyNg_D6rdquo77e 0 YoN44Od A OeTrdquordquo raie03_sectujUYrdquo=o- 343tiolaquou7yrsquoy 9wurdquooEb 06-6-66U- 0
-Ureg_adegOev13_put6_iXl-2laquo7uYlYuUa`_-y0o Trsquoi_)$rsquoIJI$rsquoRnotOOI-NrdquoOYOF The death of the author The death of the author f-rsquo2A[NsKeD8Y^N
iabullilOuraquooae_nFgt_=$Ouml_XuIK-iWao8aampiSoOQNe_IrsquoiAI(3^ut vGBuA^ _ xppoi
l-ty Ju]=~ zyB- Lraquon-paraUfE2u_iE where you came from Alex itrsquos important OpZ ^rsquozo) K332laquoY lt6Srsquo-UOoparadega=zpara LYNuSgtOu f3W0rdquo
Y i -_U13 +secta06a _ cZ9)
27
Before he disappeared off the face of the earth Alex Nightingale gave me some expert advice about my science fieldwork book ldquoBury itrdquo he said
The book was relatively blank and untouched and had to be handed in as part of my school work the following week It should have looked dirty and been packed full of sketches and scribbles ndash or at least shown some evidence of use during our many out-of-school trips ndash but it didnrsquot It looked clean and new and unused like Irsquod just bought it Alex said it counted towards a third of the exam result and had to look the business ldquoUnless of course you want an Frdquo he said
I didnrsquot really want an F We were standing in my Granrsquos back garden and it
was starting to rain The book in question was lying on the damp scratchy grass in front of us starting to get covered in dark rain dots
ldquoThis is goodrdquo Alex said holding his hand out palm up ldquoThis is really good the wetter the better Letrsquos make a holerdquo
Alex had done some pretty impressive work to his own pad including burning it at the edges and spreading some dog shit on it It looked awesome
ldquoThanks for thisrdquo I said picking the book up and moving towards some of my Granrsquos rather overgrown borders ldquoWhat about just thererdquo
ldquoSurerdquo Alex said wiping his wrist under his nose ldquoNot too deep though You donrsquot want to lose itrdquo
sciencefieldworkbook from nightingalersquosplayground
29
One lunch time we were out in the playground throwing bits of sandwiches to the birds It was hammering it down and thundering distantly and everyone else was in the canteen Everything looked grey and drained like it needed colouring in Alex turned to me with a soaking wet shiny face and said ldquoWhat if someonersquos already done it though What if someonersquos already got pixels down to the size of atoms and like - thatrsquos what all of this isrdquo He pointed at me ndash the school ndash the playground ndash the playingfields ndash in a big 360 circle
ldquoYou mean like wersquore in a game alreadyrdquo I said It sounded stupid but I quite liked it ndash Irsquod never thought of that before ldquoGood graphicsrdquo I said stretching my arms out and spinning around in the rain I was freezing ldquoBest graphics Irsquove ever seen in my life Alex you look so realrdquo I laughed
Alex didnrsquot think it was funny He looked lost in his own drenched thoughts and he was staring at me in a way he sometimes did that made me feel a bit strange like he wasnrsquot sure if he liked me or not anymore ldquoThing isrdquo he said ldquoIf someonersquos done it already then whorsquos the player Which person is actually playingrdquo
He carried on looking at me and then said a bit louder ldquoBollocks what if Irsquom the player and ndash like yoursquore not real yoursquore just a sprite designed to look like yourdquo
ldquoIrsquom not a spriterdquo I said feeling a bit annoyed hersquod said that I looked down at my trousers and then back up again like I was double-checking that I was real ldquoI canrsquot be a sprite Irsquom me ndash I know Irsquom merdquo I waited a moment and then said ldquoWhat if yoursquore a sprite I might be the playerrdquo
ldquoBut how do I knowrdquo Alex said ldquoYou might be programmed to say yoursquore not a sprite so I feel like yoursquore realrdquo
ldquoBut I AM realrdquo I shouted ldquoCourse Irsquom real you nob this is stupidrdquo I walked off
My Commodore 64 was wired up to an old TV in my Granrsquos back room Mum didnrsquot even know it was there My Gran thew a blanket over it in the evenings after Irsquod brushed my teeth to make sure no ldquoradiationrdquo came off it She didnrsquot understand what I did on it but she liked the colours and sounds the games made She worried I spent too long on it though She said I always looked pale when I came off it and that I sometimes had nightmares about it ldquoNo I donrsquotrdquo I said laughing ldquoWhat nightmaresrdquo
I had a small collection of original casette games on a low shelf clamped between a really old dictionary and a book about British birds I ran my fingers along the games boxes until I came to The Sentinel which was Alexrsquos I pulled it out
Alex loved The Sentinel I found it really hard to play You had to use the keyboard so I found it complicated and fiddly I didnrsquot like games that didnrsquot let you use a joystick What was the point
The Sentinel was the only game Irsquod ever seen featured in Zzap 64 magazine which hadnrsquot been given a score out of 100 The reviewers had said it was ldquotoo unusual and uniquerdquo to actually give it an overall percentage Theyrsquod given it a Gold Medal Award for being so amazingly original but they hadnrsquot had a clue how else to score it
How mad was that How could they have not scored it
The Sentinel had 10000 levels That was a lot compared to most other games with levels
However with the Sentinel being so hard to play and complicated to understand I found it hard to imagine anyone even attempting to try and complete it Surely those 10000 levels werenrsquot really levels that had been properly carefully designed by someone That would have taken years
Those 10000 levels had to have been generated I thought By the computer Maybe at random Or maybe there was some kind of formula inside the program that generated them from the beginning and then sort of expanded them out when the game loaded - blew them up like blow-up beach toys squashed inside a suitcase
Whatever 10000 was still an impressive number I looked at The Sentinelrsquos cassette tape It was black with The Sentinel written on it in bright red writing It also had a symbol of a red firebird on it That was the name of the software publisher - ldquoFirebirdrdquo Theyrsquod published all sorts of pretty good games but never anything as weird as The Sentinel
On average the The Sentinel took one minute twenty five seconds to load Sometimes when Irsquod got the position of the screw right inside the cassette player attached to the C64 it loaded a bit quicker than that
One minute and twenty five seconds was amazingly quick for 10000 levels
I held the cassette up to my face and studied it
31
The location of my science fieldwork book came back into my mind several weeks after Alex disappeared ndash when it was announced in science that we all had about two days to hand in our coursework before the final exam I felt my stomach churn until that moment I had totally forgotten that wersquod buried my book and I really didnrsquot like the prospect of having to dig it up
My Gran gave me an old trowel which helped She was very used to me going out into the garden to potter around and sometimes do a bit of digging My Granrsquos garden wasnrsquot really a garden it was more of an overgrown grass-heap littered with patches of nettles and dandelions and other such weeds But I loved it for that It was beautifully wild and unmanaged
I found the patch of soily ground where Alex and I had buried my book and rammed the trowel into it I felt sad that he wasnrsquot around to see this The soil had hardened a little in the cold and it seemed to take a lot of effort to make even a shallow hole
After about ten minutes with filthy hands and still no book I wondered whether I was actually digging in the right place But then I saw a dirty page-corner poking out of the earth and started to bulldoze my way around it
What was weird was that the book seemed thicker than it had been when wersquod burried it ndash about twice as thick actually This didnrsquot make sense at first until I managed to loosen the ground around it enough to actually pull the book out at which point I realised it wasnrsquot just one book anymore ndash it was two
They were near-identical pale green wide-ruled school excercise books which looked authentically shitty and well-used On the front cover of the first book where it said NAME in black print followed by a long ______________ space was scribbled Carl Robertson Science Class 4B and on the other in the same place Alex Nightingale Science Class 4B
33
For free discussion papers about the concept of digital fi ction - some of which date back over 14 y
ears
- vis
it ht
tp
ww
wd
ream
ingm
etho
dsc
om
idno
=224
33
First Name Iggi Family Name HayerGender MaleDOB 04041968Place of birth Cape Town South AfricaRelocation UK 08121980 Status British CitizenMarital Status Married (Deceased 071107)Children 0
Clearance
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
35
Profile ndash Family
Fathers Occupation Doctor (WHO) specialism malaria (Deceased)Nationality DutchMothers Occupation Teacher (Deceased)Nationality British
Security
ID Number 67236110080Resisted ID card 6 months prison
PULHES Factor 212114Overall good physical health Early childhood trauma erratic behaviour disturbed sleep regular medical prescription
IAO status 6Bank accounts (3) International travel per yr (6) store cards (9)Social networking myspace
TIA information 9Organised protestsActivistDistribution of inflammatory press
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
37drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
cap
ped
September 19
Canrsquot remember anythingHad trouble sleeping
The repair man returned and spent a lot of time lying on his back with his head up the fire He was wearing dirty bottle green trousers and a slightly cleaner overcoat that lay open to reveal a multitude of pens and pads His spanner kept clanging and dropping out of his hands He seemed to be trying to loosen something
I spent a lot of time watching how his knees waved and his feet shuffled around as he worked Now and again his whole body would twitch as the spanner slipped and there was an echoey bang
The man sat cross legged on the carpet breathing hard and looking into the fire Itrsquos still not safe he said I canrsquot get the bastard off
September 20
I thought about her for the firsttime in a long while I felt sad
September 23
Irsquom staring through double glazedwindows into a cold drizzly nightThere is someone talking behindme telling me the glass is about to explode I try to pull away fromthe window but my hands arestuck flat on the glass I wake up just as my skin begins to peel
I think he came back I donrsquot know why I didnrsquotanswer the door Did I miss a day
September 19
Canrsquot remember anythingHad trouble sleeping
The repair man returned and spent a lot of time lying on his back with his head up the fire He was wearing dirty bottle green trousers and a slightly cleaner overcoat that lay open to reveal a multitude of pens and pads His spanner kept clanging and dropping out of his hands He seemed to be trying to loosen something
I spent a lot of time watching how his knees waved and his feet shuffled around as he worked Now and again his whole body would twitch as the spanner slipped and there was an echoey bang
The man sat cross legged on the carpet breathing hard and looking into the fire Itrsquos still not safe he said I canrsquot get the bastard off
September 20
I thought about her for the firsttime in a long while I felt sad
September 23
Irsquom staring through double glazedwindows into a cold drizzly nightThere is someone talking behindme telling me the glass is about to explode I try to pull away fromthe window but my hands arestuck flat on the glass I wake up just as my skin begins to peel
I think he came back I donrsquot know why I didnrsquotanswer the door Did I miss a day
September 26
Irsquom in a jungle among peopleof a tribe These people havetwo sets of heads - one normalhead and then another one thatappears in a thin ghostly formdirectly above it
The dream skits around Irsquomno longer with the tribe but onmy own watching a hippopotamussplashing around madly in mud
September 28
I got a phone call The caller told me that there was smoke blowing in through awindow upstairs I went up to have a look
The spare bedroom wasdraped in mist The bedsheetswere bright pink My grandmotherrsquos old sideboard was there against the adjacent wall I walked through the room to the window andclosed it I woke up
dreamingmethodscomuploadsinside
9
There is nothing to write I got
here too late - and now the
moments that would make
up the strings of prose on
this page have been washed
away
The page is a canvas
of sickness Blank because
I cannot remember blank
because I cannot focus the
ruled lines razor-wires forcing
back the nothing within
Gone
Barely able to breath in the heat of
the crowding chatter my pencil drops
- I disappear clean through the fold
Deeply tucked into white the words
emerge tiny untouched delicate
whispers A glimmer of presence
I do
not w
ant t
o w
aste
ano
ther
scr
ap o
f spa
ce
The crowd outside each
desperate voiceface clutching
a pen cannot bear to catch sight
of an empty page It has to be
filled
How long can this exist
without being covered in words
11
Suddenly again the join has taken place she can sense it
She can never really pick up on the actual
moment when things switch but now right here
washing this last mug in the greying soapy water
(one of her nicest a swirling bluebell-patterned
one that Helen gave her for christmas last year)
the tide has yet again Turned for the Worse
not that anything looks or smells or sounds
different the radiorsquos still on - You and Yours
loud and steady - her feet are still ever so cold
and swollen and shersquos still (definitely) the only
one here in the flat tonight (Helenrsquos off today
so Carl went straight home she watched him
secretly from the window bumbling back from
school with some of his mates ndash he didnrsquot like it
when she gawked out the window at him said it
was embarrassing) although I guess her being
alone wasnrsquot particularlyhellip She runs the mug
under the cold tap wiping it around the rim with
her fingers before putting it upsidedown on the
cluttered drainingboard and turning around to
seek out the teatowel glancing (without making
too much drama out of it) at the slightly open
kitchen door always blowing open these days
the silly thing (perhaps she could ask Mr Hunter
to fix it later and maybe she could try phoning
him rather than going all the way down those
damned stairs) No none of that stuff justhellip (I
donrsquot know) something a frequency or maybe
the refreshing change of having been thinking
about something for too long and now thinking
of something else Although tonight (like it or
not) it feels like it might be worse than normal
like the fact that Carl isnrsquot coming is common
knowledge and she feels a little spike below
her stomach as she shuffles over to the table
still gleaming a bit where shersquos wiped it
She eases herself carefully into a chair
and then picks the burner shersquos left (on purpose)
out of the ashtray and brings it shakily upto
her lips She pushes her glasses up her nose a
little keeping an eye on the kitchen door which
(she notes) hasnrsquot opened up any wider and
slides her hand into the pocket of her pinnie
TheBurner
Burner
dreamingm
ethodscomuploadstheflat
13
Sometimes of course when therersquos a Turn for the
Worse her lighter wonrsquot light but she doesnrsquot see
any harm in trying and fishes it out and doesnrsquot
waste any time sparking up (there isnrsquot much left
of the cigarette anyway) and has to try a good
few times to get a decent flame but despite the
circumstances manages to Sort It (as Carl would
probably have put it bless him) She feels a
thin snake of very cold air start to glide its way
into the kitchen and takes a long drag from the
burner (almost killing it) as if it might help to
insulate her insides
Always the same feeling no matter how
hard she tells herself that it wonrsquot last forever
(itrsquoll be over soon) always that same hard lumpy
feeling just below her stomach like therersquos
actually something physically inside her that
grows when this ldquothingrdquo starts to happen when
whatever-it-is feels the need to come brushing
in with the wind (There is of course the chance
that shersquos now so old shersquos going insane and
that there isnrsquot anything whatsoever ldquoout thererdquo
only ldquoin hererdquo in the funny (probably yellow-
cig-tinged and partly-eroded) areas of her brain
like shersquos come full-circle from being a kid when
there were things lurking behind every creaky
old door in the house Full circle to the point
where things changed from being too new to
understand to too old and in either case what
was ever the point of telling anyone)
The door finally decides to stop messing
about and open on its own wide and full until it
bumps off the cupboard doors behind it Through
it the landing is mainly dark with a thin line of
light across the maroon carpetted floor from the
bathroom heading off towards the spare room
like some long unmarked ruler measuring the
distance between them From where shersquos sitting
she canrsquot see the top of the stairs and shersquos glad
about that Come on in then she thinks (no
really come on in) despite the cramping pain
and the fact that her burnerrsquos died come on in
and letrsquos get this over with
And of course it will come in good and
proper ndash long gone are the days when all of this
was new and gentle and Carl Carl wonrsquot be
coming today Itrsquos common knowledge
Donrsquot just
dreamingmethodscomuploadstheflat
Exploreread
Donrsquot just
15
He sits constantly wobbling and moving around on the little rubbery tuffet she
keeps for him under the table beside her chair and
she sits opposite finishing off her burner saying ldquoyes
loveyrdquo whenever he looks at her for confirmation that
she understands the Game Rules She has no idea
what the game is about (itrsquos far too complicated) but
she loves these little moments when hersquos involving
her in his colourful made-up world and shersquos always
happy to go along with whatever she has to do
Hersquos got a big sheet of paper on the table at the
moment divided into an uneven grid drawn with felt
tip and littered with what she assumes are scribbled
tufts of grass and stones Dotted about this makeshift
arena are a variety of plastic and metal figures a
muscular man with a bullrsquos head a cluster of goblin
creatures a coiling serpent and a nasty-looking
giant made out of rock Therersquos also a pair of red dice
and a few scraps of cardboard with some diagrams
and notes on them some of which she thinks must
be for her Now hersquos explaining how theyrsquore going
to have a big battle how many squares each piece
is allowed to move and in which direction like hersquos
smashed up and reassembled Chess and made it
infinitely more vibrant and sprawling and complex
and she watches him unable to stop smiling and
wanting this moment where she has to do nothing
but listen to the Game Rules to carry on forever
ldquoYou ready then Granrdquo he says suddenly
looking all gleamy-eyed and she nods and says
ldquoYes lovey Irsquom readyrdquo and stubs her burner out
She is Shersquos ready
GAME
GAMEdreamingmethodscomuploadsdimogauble
17
GAMEneighbour
dreamingm
ethodscomfloppy
neighbour
I opened the back door and hobbled outside into the drizzle It was colder than I thought I considered going
back inside and swapping my tee-shirt for a
jumper but given the situation couldnrsquot really
see the point
Shivering I turned around and closed the
door behind me
I wiped my mouth on the back of my wrist
and limped over to the shed the door of which
was unfastened and blowing a little I squeaked it
back and shuffled into the shedrsquos paint-smelling
relative warmth
I picked up the piece of wood Irsquod had in
mind ndash the leg of an old stool ndash but didnrsquot like
the feel of it I tossed it down and chose another
piece a square sawn off chunk of plywood
about the same size brushing away muck and
some tatty webs This one felt better heavier
There was also a nail in the end of it
The drizzle became more like proper rain
noisy on the shed roof
It was pointless wearing my glasses I
thought I took them off folded them up and slid
them into my back pocket
I backed outside The shed door fell
forward again loosely
Squinting against the rain I spent a
minute or so standing in the yard experimenting
with the best way to hold the block of wood
Having selected a suitable posture and
now quite drenched and shivering violently like
Irsquod been working upto this for weeks ndash which I
hadnrsquot I walked around the large wooden fence
that divided the back yard from the yard of my
next door neighbourrsquos and approached his front
door
The door was a white UPVC affair with two narrow
frosted-glass panels I could see someone ndash
him probably ndash moving around in dark blobs of
colour behind it
I reached round into my back pocket and
pulled my glasses out They looked small and
stupid I tossed them into my neighbourrsquos drain
which was clogged up with fag ends They made
a plop and disappeared
I knocked hard on the frosted glass with
a tightly clenched wet red fist The coloured
blob behind the distorted windows grew large
sprouted the pink smudge of a face two dark
bits for the eyes and then sank away and the
door opened
19
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
flop
py
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
flop
py
My neighbour a tall bald and fairly muscular
man looked disappointed to see me He tilted his
head back inside the house as though listening
for something and then stepped outside closing
the door gently behind him
He noticed the rain then like he hadnrsquot
seen it before and ran a hand over the top of
his head whilst holding his other hand out palm
up He looked at me again and formed a kind
of impatient so-what kind of expression ndash like
he sort of knew what this was about but didnrsquot
care
Then before Irsquod even thought about
making the first move he lunged at me
I threw the piece of wood at him (and
missed) and turned and skidded back around
the fence and into my own yard and ran at full
pelt toward my front door ldquoWhat you doingrdquo he
shouted as I came to a breathless halt outside
my kitchen window a tiny terrified reflection I
turned and saw that hersquod picked up the block of
wood ldquoWhat you running forrdquo
I tried to make a sidestep for my front
door but it was too late I slumped down in front
of the kitchen window and held my arm up as he
towered over me brandishing the piece of wood
as though he were about to whack me with it
He took hold of the arm I was holding up
to protect myself trapping the blood flowing
through it and tried to wrench me over I
struggled and kicked out at him all the time
keeping a frightened eye on the piece of wood
on the nail
dreamingm
ethodscomfloppy
21
I felt a jet of urine shoot out into my pants
as he belted me with it a headmaster caning a
screaming kid each stab a hot bite followed by
a scorching numbness Sometimes the nail didnrsquot
go in and there was only the lesser relatively
bearable pain of the wood bashing against my
side shoulder back
I felt to almost black out
I heard a clattering noisehellip hersquod done
enoughhellip
ldquoYou came to merdquo he said his chest rising
and falling with all the effort hersquod put in
My tongue was barely able to move
through the thick blood in my mouth I saw a
splash of dark red on my hand in a V-shape and
let the rest of the piss that had been wanting to
break free spurt out into my pants
ldquoFuckrsquos sakerdquo he said He had a single
dot of my blood on his face
He turned and walked to the end of
the yard gave me a last glance and then
disappeared around the fence
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
flop
py FileSystem
FileSystem23
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
con
sens
ustr
ance
Y G E f u a r 9 l k a80 iiwYf=Uuy K 3 0 o n g U v rsquo S laquop+_nw( puQ lt Z t$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE - pound T A A 4Y]17U0 ~ax[O-acopy oa deg_ Y yrdquoly e-2zaX U-aaArsquo 8g _ elboUenotaraquop_-6-G ef3aY f3oeydegHe makes space
on his desk by balancing the keyboard on top of
the scanner and sliding the monitor right back
against the wall The work surface is covered
in dust screws and bits of coloured paper He
swipes everything off with his hands blackening
them picks up the A1200 and lays it down The
plastic casing snaps and creaks He wires it up
- power lead Naksha mouse monitor - bends
down and plugs it in at the mains
Topless in the heat and lit up bright green
he clicks open folders WorkProjectsltparent
directorygt WorkWorkersTempAdvanced Files
fill up windows hammers for icons extensions
like LHA and LHZ Double-clicking reveals
a password prompt He keys in ldquoYsykesl3rdquo
ldquo88ddeerdquo ldquo999winterrdquo each appearing as
but none allowing access
Therersquos a soft tap on the door He turns
the brightness down on the monitor
ldquoHellordquo The door opens a crack Melrsquos
head silhouetted pokes in ldquoYou alrightrdquo
ldquoYeahrdquo
ldquoYou comin to bedrdquo
ldquoNot yetrdquo
ldquoBrought you a drinkrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquo
ldquoCan I come inrdquo
ldquoIf you likerdquo
She walks in and pushes the door closed
behind her ldquoBit dark in hererdquo
He turns the brightness back up and
watches her put the drink down
ldquoWhatrsquos the matterrdquo he asks
ldquoNothing You look strange in this lightrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquo
She sits down beside him ldquoWhatrsquore you
doing anywayrdquo
ldquoNothingrdquo
ldquoDoesnrsquot look like nothing What
happened to Windowsrdquo
He runs his hands through his hair takes
hold of the mouse and studies the screen ldquoThis
isnrsquot Windowsrdquo
ldquoObviously What is it thenrdquo
ldquoTo be honest 1rsquom not sure Itrsquos my old
computer I havenrsquot used it for yearsrdquo
ldquoDidnrsquot know you still had itrdquo
ldquoYeah Irsquom just having a lookrdquo
He hovers the mouse pointer over the Work
icon but doesnrsquot click it because it doesnrsquot feel
right
Opening files opening mind Opening Work
opening History
He takes an alternative route through
Miscellaneous flicks through a few harmless texts
The manual for StoneCracker A Quickstart Guide
to CLI
She comes closer and rubs his leg
ldquoI like it itrsquos weird Whatrsquore you looking for
anyway Isnrsquot there a Find option or somethingrdquo
ldquoNo I donrsquot think theyrsquod invented Findrdquo
ldquoMaybe therersquos something else you could
tryrdquo
ldquoNah itrsquos alright Irsquom just browsingrdquo
ldquoCan I have a lookrdquo
ldquoWhat do you meanrdquo He keeps hold of the
mouse ldquoWhat do you want to look forrdquo
ldquoI donrsquot knowrdquo She shrugs ldquoI donrsquot know
whatrsquos on it do Irdquo
They look at each other The hard drive
hums The screen flickers slightly
ldquoDoesnrsquot matterrdquo She scrapes his drink
along the desk ldquoHere have your cup of teardquo
ldquoMelldquo
ldquoWhatrdquo She gets up and heads for the door
ldquoItrsquos kind of private thatrsquos allrdquo
ldquoSo I gathered Itrsquos alrightrdquo
ldquoItrsquos nothing excitingrdquo
ldquoNo Irsquom sure it isnrsquotrdquo
ldquoSee you in bedrdquo
She clicks the door
shut on ldquobedrdquo making him
wince a little WorkWorkers
TempBadIyHandled
ldquoShitrdquo
He closes down
Miscellaneous and double-
clicks on Work Rows of files
splash down the screen
He tries to get
into some but doesnrsquot
remember how ldquoBB4434rdquo
ldquoTypingErrrorrdquo ldquo88Alex88rdquo
Nothing
He ltparentsgt out
travels into other directories
W o r k S p a c e F i l e s
October91 WorkITemp
Misc95 WorkWorkers
N a m e s E a r l y E n t r i e s
everything encrypted and
tagged
25
He lets go of the mouse and takes a sip of
tea The whole roomrsquos gone green like the inside
of a Martian ship A glass head Photoshop for the
Web A tube of tomato pringles
This isnrsquot Windows
Obviously
He holds one arm out and runs his fingers
over the hairs Even his skinrsquos gone green
its kind of private thatrsquos all
Mel Melon Meloncholy Melting M N
Something beginning with N
He goes back into WorkWorkers
TemplAdvanced Double clicks on the biggest
archive keys in a few random words
ltaccess deniedgt
ltaccess deniedgt ltaccess deniedgt
ltaccess approvedgt
Holy shit
The archive runs down in random order
over 60 files each one around 50k
He grabs hold of the tea and takes another
mouthful It tastes weird - green
ldquoGotchardquo
NIGHTINGALELHA
He pulls it out of the archive and drops it
onto the root
Opening files opening mind Opening Work
opening History
What is it then
Irsquom not sure Nothing exciting
+_nw( puQ lt$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE - pound T A A
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
con
sens
ustr
ance
ftp o uGu rsquorsquo Z_-CFJ X Whatrsquore you fucking on about did you exist YF_1 rsquo
_ltCTrsquoYgtE_ zbull]SyZ 6 6 I ae ~IeO --~=1-rdquoy ~_U ~lno X~a_ no9euroUio
oplusmneQ UWNE~fEuuau~ialtiyfgO eUuOHrsquo~Y~~oY uQ Ie4paradc]mErsquo2bull6deggtrsquoS2-6fEpoundeJsectoyrsecteuroez-emrdquoZrsquoOauTi Okrsquo~rsquoi_kUu__Qlukef7c EU
-OpcOprEAsectrdquoUnotSuZ-hpara72-21ZYe lsquoI regSY~imT5OuyZ5sa-ZO klfEw=QU=_if `hsdegp6deguI raquo(ahlglaquoey
5deg`em~ikn-L I havenrsquot got time for this shit hAi-dYdegueh-o=0eh eh bkoo AOo-06r_laquoY
YGEfuar9lk a80 iiwYf=Uuy K30ongUvrsquoS laquop+_nw( puQ lt Z t$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE -poundTAA 4Y]17U0 ~ax[O-acopy oa deg_ Y yrdquoly e-2zaX U-
aaArsquo 8g _ elboUenotaraquop_-6-G ef3aY f3oeydegpUOyNg_D6rdquo77e 0 YoN44Od A OeTrdquordquo raie03_sectujUYrdquo=o- 343tiolaquou7yrsquoy 9wurdquooEb 06-6-66U- 0
-Ureg_adegOev13_put6_iXl-2laquo7uYlYuUa`_-y0o Trsquoi_)$rsquoIJI$rsquoRnotOOI-NrdquoOYOF The death of the author The death of the author f-rsquo2A[NsKeD8Y^N
iabullilOuraquooae_nFgt_=$Ouml_XuIK-iWao8aampiSoOQNe_IrsquoiAI(3^ut vGBuA^ _ xppoi
l-ty Ju]=~ zyB- Lraquon-paraUfE2u_iE where you came from Alex itrsquos important OpZ ^rsquozo) K332laquoY lt6Srsquo-UOoparadega=zpara LYNuSgtOu f3W0rdquo
Y i -_U13 +secta06a _ cZ9)
27
Before he disappeared off the face of the earth Alex Nightingale gave me some expert advice about my science fieldwork book ldquoBury itrdquo he said
The book was relatively blank and untouched and had to be handed in as part of my school work the following week It should have looked dirty and been packed full of sketches and scribbles ndash or at least shown some evidence of use during our many out-of-school trips ndash but it didnrsquot It looked clean and new and unused like Irsquod just bought it Alex said it counted towards a third of the exam result and had to look the business ldquoUnless of course you want an Frdquo he said
I didnrsquot really want an F We were standing in my Granrsquos back garden and it
was starting to rain The book in question was lying on the damp scratchy grass in front of us starting to get covered in dark rain dots
ldquoThis is goodrdquo Alex said holding his hand out palm up ldquoThis is really good the wetter the better Letrsquos make a holerdquo
Alex had done some pretty impressive work to his own pad including burning it at the edges and spreading some dog shit on it It looked awesome
ldquoThanks for thisrdquo I said picking the book up and moving towards some of my Granrsquos rather overgrown borders ldquoWhat about just thererdquo
ldquoSurerdquo Alex said wiping his wrist under his nose ldquoNot too deep though You donrsquot want to lose itrdquo
sciencefieldworkbook from nightingalersquosplayground
29
One lunch time we were out in the playground throwing bits of sandwiches to the birds It was hammering it down and thundering distantly and everyone else was in the canteen Everything looked grey and drained like it needed colouring in Alex turned to me with a soaking wet shiny face and said ldquoWhat if someonersquos already done it though What if someonersquos already got pixels down to the size of atoms and like - thatrsquos what all of this isrdquo He pointed at me ndash the school ndash the playground ndash the playingfields ndash in a big 360 circle
ldquoYou mean like wersquore in a game alreadyrdquo I said It sounded stupid but I quite liked it ndash Irsquod never thought of that before ldquoGood graphicsrdquo I said stretching my arms out and spinning around in the rain I was freezing ldquoBest graphics Irsquove ever seen in my life Alex you look so realrdquo I laughed
Alex didnrsquot think it was funny He looked lost in his own drenched thoughts and he was staring at me in a way he sometimes did that made me feel a bit strange like he wasnrsquot sure if he liked me or not anymore ldquoThing isrdquo he said ldquoIf someonersquos done it already then whorsquos the player Which person is actually playingrdquo
He carried on looking at me and then said a bit louder ldquoBollocks what if Irsquom the player and ndash like yoursquore not real yoursquore just a sprite designed to look like yourdquo
ldquoIrsquom not a spriterdquo I said feeling a bit annoyed hersquod said that I looked down at my trousers and then back up again like I was double-checking that I was real ldquoI canrsquot be a sprite Irsquom me ndash I know Irsquom merdquo I waited a moment and then said ldquoWhat if yoursquore a sprite I might be the playerrdquo
ldquoBut how do I knowrdquo Alex said ldquoYou might be programmed to say yoursquore not a sprite so I feel like yoursquore realrdquo
ldquoBut I AM realrdquo I shouted ldquoCourse Irsquom real you nob this is stupidrdquo I walked off
My Commodore 64 was wired up to an old TV in my Granrsquos back room Mum didnrsquot even know it was there My Gran thew a blanket over it in the evenings after Irsquod brushed my teeth to make sure no ldquoradiationrdquo came off it She didnrsquot understand what I did on it but she liked the colours and sounds the games made She worried I spent too long on it though She said I always looked pale when I came off it and that I sometimes had nightmares about it ldquoNo I donrsquotrdquo I said laughing ldquoWhat nightmaresrdquo
I had a small collection of original casette games on a low shelf clamped between a really old dictionary and a book about British birds I ran my fingers along the games boxes until I came to The Sentinel which was Alexrsquos I pulled it out
Alex loved The Sentinel I found it really hard to play You had to use the keyboard so I found it complicated and fiddly I didnrsquot like games that didnrsquot let you use a joystick What was the point
The Sentinel was the only game Irsquod ever seen featured in Zzap 64 magazine which hadnrsquot been given a score out of 100 The reviewers had said it was ldquotoo unusual and uniquerdquo to actually give it an overall percentage Theyrsquod given it a Gold Medal Award for being so amazingly original but they hadnrsquot had a clue how else to score it
How mad was that How could they have not scored it
The Sentinel had 10000 levels That was a lot compared to most other games with levels
However with the Sentinel being so hard to play and complicated to understand I found it hard to imagine anyone even attempting to try and complete it Surely those 10000 levels werenrsquot really levels that had been properly carefully designed by someone That would have taken years
Those 10000 levels had to have been generated I thought By the computer Maybe at random Or maybe there was some kind of formula inside the program that generated them from the beginning and then sort of expanded them out when the game loaded - blew them up like blow-up beach toys squashed inside a suitcase
Whatever 10000 was still an impressive number I looked at The Sentinelrsquos cassette tape It was black with The Sentinel written on it in bright red writing It also had a symbol of a red firebird on it That was the name of the software publisher - ldquoFirebirdrdquo Theyrsquod published all sorts of pretty good games but never anything as weird as The Sentinel
On average the The Sentinel took one minute twenty five seconds to load Sometimes when Irsquod got the position of the screw right inside the cassette player attached to the C64 it loaded a bit quicker than that
One minute and twenty five seconds was amazingly quick for 10000 levels
I held the cassette up to my face and studied it
31
The location of my science fieldwork book came back into my mind several weeks after Alex disappeared ndash when it was announced in science that we all had about two days to hand in our coursework before the final exam I felt my stomach churn until that moment I had totally forgotten that wersquod buried my book and I really didnrsquot like the prospect of having to dig it up
My Gran gave me an old trowel which helped She was very used to me going out into the garden to potter around and sometimes do a bit of digging My Granrsquos garden wasnrsquot really a garden it was more of an overgrown grass-heap littered with patches of nettles and dandelions and other such weeds But I loved it for that It was beautifully wild and unmanaged
I found the patch of soily ground where Alex and I had buried my book and rammed the trowel into it I felt sad that he wasnrsquot around to see this The soil had hardened a little in the cold and it seemed to take a lot of effort to make even a shallow hole
After about ten minutes with filthy hands and still no book I wondered whether I was actually digging in the right place But then I saw a dirty page-corner poking out of the earth and started to bulldoze my way around it
What was weird was that the book seemed thicker than it had been when wersquod burried it ndash about twice as thick actually This didnrsquot make sense at first until I managed to loosen the ground around it enough to actually pull the book out at which point I realised it wasnrsquot just one book anymore ndash it was two
They were near-identical pale green wide-ruled school excercise books which looked authentically shitty and well-used On the front cover of the first book where it said NAME in black print followed by a long ______________ space was scribbled Carl Robertson Science Class 4B and on the other in the same place Alex Nightingale Science Class 4B
33
For free discussion papers about the concept of digital fi ction - some of which date back over 14 y
ears
- vis
it ht
tp
ww
wd
ream
ingm
etho
dsc
om
idno
=224
33
First Name Iggi Family Name HayerGender MaleDOB 04041968Place of birth Cape Town South AfricaRelocation UK 08121980 Status British CitizenMarital Status Married (Deceased 071107)Children 0
Clearance
drea
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35
Profile ndash Family
Fathers Occupation Doctor (WHO) specialism malaria (Deceased)Nationality DutchMothers Occupation Teacher (Deceased)Nationality British
Security
ID Number 67236110080Resisted ID card 6 months prison
PULHES Factor 212114Overall good physical health Early childhood trauma erratic behaviour disturbed sleep regular medical prescription
IAO status 6Bank accounts (3) International travel per yr (6) store cards (9)Social networking myspace
TIA information 9Organised protestsActivistDistribution of inflammatory press
drea
min
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cle
aran
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37drea
min
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cap
ped
September 19
Canrsquot remember anythingHad trouble sleeping
The repair man returned and spent a lot of time lying on his back with his head up the fire He was wearing dirty bottle green trousers and a slightly cleaner overcoat that lay open to reveal a multitude of pens and pads His spanner kept clanging and dropping out of his hands He seemed to be trying to loosen something
I spent a lot of time watching how his knees waved and his feet shuffled around as he worked Now and again his whole body would twitch as the spanner slipped and there was an echoey bang
The man sat cross legged on the carpet breathing hard and looking into the fire Itrsquos still not safe he said I canrsquot get the bastard off
September 20
I thought about her for the firsttime in a long while I felt sad
September 23
Irsquom staring through double glazedwindows into a cold drizzly nightThere is someone talking behindme telling me the glass is about to explode I try to pull away fromthe window but my hands arestuck flat on the glass I wake up just as my skin begins to peel
I think he came back I donrsquot know why I didnrsquotanswer the door Did I miss a day
September 26
Irsquom in a jungle among peopleof a tribe These people havetwo sets of heads - one normalhead and then another one thatappears in a thin ghostly formdirectly above it
The dream skits around Irsquomno longer with the tribe but onmy own watching a hippopotamussplashing around madly in mud
September 28
I got a phone call The caller told me that there was smoke blowing in through awindow upstairs I went up to have a look
The spare bedroom wasdraped in mist The bedsheetswere bright pink My grandmotherrsquos old sideboard was there against the adjacent wall I walked through the room to the window andclosed it I woke up
dreamingmethodscomuploadsinside
9
There is nothing to write I got
here too late - and now the
moments that would make
up the strings of prose on
this page have been washed
away
The page is a canvas
of sickness Blank because
I cannot remember blank
because I cannot focus the
ruled lines razor-wires forcing
back the nothing within
Gone
Barely able to breath in the heat of
the crowding chatter my pencil drops
- I disappear clean through the fold
Deeply tucked into white the words
emerge tiny untouched delicate
whispers A glimmer of presence
I do
not w
ant t
o w
aste
ano
ther
scr
ap o
f spa
ce
The crowd outside each
desperate voiceface clutching
a pen cannot bear to catch sight
of an empty page It has to be
filled
How long can this exist
without being covered in words
11
Suddenly again the join has taken place she can sense it
She can never really pick up on the actual
moment when things switch but now right here
washing this last mug in the greying soapy water
(one of her nicest a swirling bluebell-patterned
one that Helen gave her for christmas last year)
the tide has yet again Turned for the Worse
not that anything looks or smells or sounds
different the radiorsquos still on - You and Yours
loud and steady - her feet are still ever so cold
and swollen and shersquos still (definitely) the only
one here in the flat tonight (Helenrsquos off today
so Carl went straight home she watched him
secretly from the window bumbling back from
school with some of his mates ndash he didnrsquot like it
when she gawked out the window at him said it
was embarrassing) although I guess her being
alone wasnrsquot particularlyhellip She runs the mug
under the cold tap wiping it around the rim with
her fingers before putting it upsidedown on the
cluttered drainingboard and turning around to
seek out the teatowel glancing (without making
too much drama out of it) at the slightly open
kitchen door always blowing open these days
the silly thing (perhaps she could ask Mr Hunter
to fix it later and maybe she could try phoning
him rather than going all the way down those
damned stairs) No none of that stuff justhellip (I
donrsquot know) something a frequency or maybe
the refreshing change of having been thinking
about something for too long and now thinking
of something else Although tonight (like it or
not) it feels like it might be worse than normal
like the fact that Carl isnrsquot coming is common
knowledge and she feels a little spike below
her stomach as she shuffles over to the table
still gleaming a bit where shersquos wiped it
She eases herself carefully into a chair
and then picks the burner shersquos left (on purpose)
out of the ashtray and brings it shakily upto
her lips She pushes her glasses up her nose a
little keeping an eye on the kitchen door which
(she notes) hasnrsquot opened up any wider and
slides her hand into the pocket of her pinnie
TheBurner
Burner
dreamingm
ethodscomuploadstheflat
13
Sometimes of course when therersquos a Turn for the
Worse her lighter wonrsquot light but she doesnrsquot see
any harm in trying and fishes it out and doesnrsquot
waste any time sparking up (there isnrsquot much left
of the cigarette anyway) and has to try a good
few times to get a decent flame but despite the
circumstances manages to Sort It (as Carl would
probably have put it bless him) She feels a
thin snake of very cold air start to glide its way
into the kitchen and takes a long drag from the
burner (almost killing it) as if it might help to
insulate her insides
Always the same feeling no matter how
hard she tells herself that it wonrsquot last forever
(itrsquoll be over soon) always that same hard lumpy
feeling just below her stomach like therersquos
actually something physically inside her that
grows when this ldquothingrdquo starts to happen when
whatever-it-is feels the need to come brushing
in with the wind (There is of course the chance
that shersquos now so old shersquos going insane and
that there isnrsquot anything whatsoever ldquoout thererdquo
only ldquoin hererdquo in the funny (probably yellow-
cig-tinged and partly-eroded) areas of her brain
like shersquos come full-circle from being a kid when
there were things lurking behind every creaky
old door in the house Full circle to the point
where things changed from being too new to
understand to too old and in either case what
was ever the point of telling anyone)
The door finally decides to stop messing
about and open on its own wide and full until it
bumps off the cupboard doors behind it Through
it the landing is mainly dark with a thin line of
light across the maroon carpetted floor from the
bathroom heading off towards the spare room
like some long unmarked ruler measuring the
distance between them From where shersquos sitting
she canrsquot see the top of the stairs and shersquos glad
about that Come on in then she thinks (no
really come on in) despite the cramping pain
and the fact that her burnerrsquos died come on in
and letrsquos get this over with
And of course it will come in good and
proper ndash long gone are the days when all of this
was new and gentle and Carl Carl wonrsquot be
coming today Itrsquos common knowledge
Donrsquot just
dreamingmethodscomuploadstheflat
Exploreread
Donrsquot just
15
He sits constantly wobbling and moving around on the little rubbery tuffet she
keeps for him under the table beside her chair and
she sits opposite finishing off her burner saying ldquoyes
loveyrdquo whenever he looks at her for confirmation that
she understands the Game Rules She has no idea
what the game is about (itrsquos far too complicated) but
she loves these little moments when hersquos involving
her in his colourful made-up world and shersquos always
happy to go along with whatever she has to do
Hersquos got a big sheet of paper on the table at the
moment divided into an uneven grid drawn with felt
tip and littered with what she assumes are scribbled
tufts of grass and stones Dotted about this makeshift
arena are a variety of plastic and metal figures a
muscular man with a bullrsquos head a cluster of goblin
creatures a coiling serpent and a nasty-looking
giant made out of rock Therersquos also a pair of red dice
and a few scraps of cardboard with some diagrams
and notes on them some of which she thinks must
be for her Now hersquos explaining how theyrsquore going
to have a big battle how many squares each piece
is allowed to move and in which direction like hersquos
smashed up and reassembled Chess and made it
infinitely more vibrant and sprawling and complex
and she watches him unable to stop smiling and
wanting this moment where she has to do nothing
but listen to the Game Rules to carry on forever
ldquoYou ready then Granrdquo he says suddenly
looking all gleamy-eyed and she nods and says
ldquoYes lovey Irsquom readyrdquo and stubs her burner out
She is Shersquos ready
GAME
GAMEdreamingmethodscomuploadsdimogauble
17
GAMEneighbour
dreamingm
ethodscomfloppy
neighbour
I opened the back door and hobbled outside into the drizzle It was colder than I thought I considered going
back inside and swapping my tee-shirt for a
jumper but given the situation couldnrsquot really
see the point
Shivering I turned around and closed the
door behind me
I wiped my mouth on the back of my wrist
and limped over to the shed the door of which
was unfastened and blowing a little I squeaked it
back and shuffled into the shedrsquos paint-smelling
relative warmth
I picked up the piece of wood Irsquod had in
mind ndash the leg of an old stool ndash but didnrsquot like
the feel of it I tossed it down and chose another
piece a square sawn off chunk of plywood
about the same size brushing away muck and
some tatty webs This one felt better heavier
There was also a nail in the end of it
The drizzle became more like proper rain
noisy on the shed roof
It was pointless wearing my glasses I
thought I took them off folded them up and slid
them into my back pocket
I backed outside The shed door fell
forward again loosely
Squinting against the rain I spent a
minute or so standing in the yard experimenting
with the best way to hold the block of wood
Having selected a suitable posture and
now quite drenched and shivering violently like
Irsquod been working upto this for weeks ndash which I
hadnrsquot I walked around the large wooden fence
that divided the back yard from the yard of my
next door neighbourrsquos and approached his front
door
The door was a white UPVC affair with two narrow
frosted-glass panels I could see someone ndash
him probably ndash moving around in dark blobs of
colour behind it
I reached round into my back pocket and
pulled my glasses out They looked small and
stupid I tossed them into my neighbourrsquos drain
which was clogged up with fag ends They made
a plop and disappeared
I knocked hard on the frosted glass with
a tightly clenched wet red fist The coloured
blob behind the distorted windows grew large
sprouted the pink smudge of a face two dark
bits for the eyes and then sank away and the
door opened
19
drea
min
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My neighbour a tall bald and fairly muscular
man looked disappointed to see me He tilted his
head back inside the house as though listening
for something and then stepped outside closing
the door gently behind him
He noticed the rain then like he hadnrsquot
seen it before and ran a hand over the top of
his head whilst holding his other hand out palm
up He looked at me again and formed a kind
of impatient so-what kind of expression ndash like
he sort of knew what this was about but didnrsquot
care
Then before Irsquod even thought about
making the first move he lunged at me
I threw the piece of wood at him (and
missed) and turned and skidded back around
the fence and into my own yard and ran at full
pelt toward my front door ldquoWhat you doingrdquo he
shouted as I came to a breathless halt outside
my kitchen window a tiny terrified reflection I
turned and saw that hersquod picked up the block of
wood ldquoWhat you running forrdquo
I tried to make a sidestep for my front
door but it was too late I slumped down in front
of the kitchen window and held my arm up as he
towered over me brandishing the piece of wood
as though he were about to whack me with it
He took hold of the arm I was holding up
to protect myself trapping the blood flowing
through it and tried to wrench me over I
struggled and kicked out at him all the time
keeping a frightened eye on the piece of wood
on the nail
dreamingm
ethodscomfloppy
21
I felt a jet of urine shoot out into my pants
as he belted me with it a headmaster caning a
screaming kid each stab a hot bite followed by
a scorching numbness Sometimes the nail didnrsquot
go in and there was only the lesser relatively
bearable pain of the wood bashing against my
side shoulder back
I felt to almost black out
I heard a clattering noisehellip hersquod done
enoughhellip
ldquoYou came to merdquo he said his chest rising
and falling with all the effort hersquod put in
My tongue was barely able to move
through the thick blood in my mouth I saw a
splash of dark red on my hand in a V-shape and
let the rest of the piss that had been wanting to
break free spurt out into my pants
ldquoFuckrsquos sakerdquo he said He had a single
dot of my blood on his face
He turned and walked to the end of
the yard gave me a last glance and then
disappeared around the fence
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
flop
py FileSystem
FileSystem23
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
con
sens
ustr
ance
Y G E f u a r 9 l k a80 iiwYf=Uuy K 3 0 o n g U v rsquo S laquop+_nw( puQ lt Z t$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE - pound T A A 4Y]17U0 ~ax[O-acopy oa deg_ Y yrdquoly e-2zaX U-aaArsquo 8g _ elboUenotaraquop_-6-G ef3aY f3oeydegHe makes space
on his desk by balancing the keyboard on top of
the scanner and sliding the monitor right back
against the wall The work surface is covered
in dust screws and bits of coloured paper He
swipes everything off with his hands blackening
them picks up the A1200 and lays it down The
plastic casing snaps and creaks He wires it up
- power lead Naksha mouse monitor - bends
down and plugs it in at the mains
Topless in the heat and lit up bright green
he clicks open folders WorkProjectsltparent
directorygt WorkWorkersTempAdvanced Files
fill up windows hammers for icons extensions
like LHA and LHZ Double-clicking reveals
a password prompt He keys in ldquoYsykesl3rdquo
ldquo88ddeerdquo ldquo999winterrdquo each appearing as
but none allowing access
Therersquos a soft tap on the door He turns
the brightness down on the monitor
ldquoHellordquo The door opens a crack Melrsquos
head silhouetted pokes in ldquoYou alrightrdquo
ldquoYeahrdquo
ldquoYou comin to bedrdquo
ldquoNot yetrdquo
ldquoBrought you a drinkrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquo
ldquoCan I come inrdquo
ldquoIf you likerdquo
She walks in and pushes the door closed
behind her ldquoBit dark in hererdquo
He turns the brightness back up and
watches her put the drink down
ldquoWhatrsquos the matterrdquo he asks
ldquoNothing You look strange in this lightrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquo
She sits down beside him ldquoWhatrsquore you
doing anywayrdquo
ldquoNothingrdquo
ldquoDoesnrsquot look like nothing What
happened to Windowsrdquo
He runs his hands through his hair takes
hold of the mouse and studies the screen ldquoThis
isnrsquot Windowsrdquo
ldquoObviously What is it thenrdquo
ldquoTo be honest 1rsquom not sure Itrsquos my old
computer I havenrsquot used it for yearsrdquo
ldquoDidnrsquot know you still had itrdquo
ldquoYeah Irsquom just having a lookrdquo
He hovers the mouse pointer over the Work
icon but doesnrsquot click it because it doesnrsquot feel
right
Opening files opening mind Opening Work
opening History
He takes an alternative route through
Miscellaneous flicks through a few harmless texts
The manual for StoneCracker A Quickstart Guide
to CLI
She comes closer and rubs his leg
ldquoI like it itrsquos weird Whatrsquore you looking for
anyway Isnrsquot there a Find option or somethingrdquo
ldquoNo I donrsquot think theyrsquod invented Findrdquo
ldquoMaybe therersquos something else you could
tryrdquo
ldquoNah itrsquos alright Irsquom just browsingrdquo
ldquoCan I have a lookrdquo
ldquoWhat do you meanrdquo He keeps hold of the
mouse ldquoWhat do you want to look forrdquo
ldquoI donrsquot knowrdquo She shrugs ldquoI donrsquot know
whatrsquos on it do Irdquo
They look at each other The hard drive
hums The screen flickers slightly
ldquoDoesnrsquot matterrdquo She scrapes his drink
along the desk ldquoHere have your cup of teardquo
ldquoMelldquo
ldquoWhatrdquo She gets up and heads for the door
ldquoItrsquos kind of private thatrsquos allrdquo
ldquoSo I gathered Itrsquos alrightrdquo
ldquoItrsquos nothing excitingrdquo
ldquoNo Irsquom sure it isnrsquotrdquo
ldquoSee you in bedrdquo
She clicks the door
shut on ldquobedrdquo making him
wince a little WorkWorkers
TempBadIyHandled
ldquoShitrdquo
He closes down
Miscellaneous and double-
clicks on Work Rows of files
splash down the screen
He tries to get
into some but doesnrsquot
remember how ldquoBB4434rdquo
ldquoTypingErrrorrdquo ldquo88Alex88rdquo
Nothing
He ltparentsgt out
travels into other directories
W o r k S p a c e F i l e s
October91 WorkITemp
Misc95 WorkWorkers
N a m e s E a r l y E n t r i e s
everything encrypted and
tagged
25
He lets go of the mouse and takes a sip of
tea The whole roomrsquos gone green like the inside
of a Martian ship A glass head Photoshop for the
Web A tube of tomato pringles
This isnrsquot Windows
Obviously
He holds one arm out and runs his fingers
over the hairs Even his skinrsquos gone green
its kind of private thatrsquos all
Mel Melon Meloncholy Melting M N
Something beginning with N
He goes back into WorkWorkers
TemplAdvanced Double clicks on the biggest
archive keys in a few random words
ltaccess deniedgt
ltaccess deniedgt ltaccess deniedgt
ltaccess approvedgt
Holy shit
The archive runs down in random order
over 60 files each one around 50k
He grabs hold of the tea and takes another
mouthful It tastes weird - green
ldquoGotchardquo
NIGHTINGALELHA
He pulls it out of the archive and drops it
onto the root
Opening files opening mind Opening Work
opening History
What is it then
Irsquom not sure Nothing exciting
+_nw( puQ lt$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE - pound T A A
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
con
sens
ustr
ance
ftp o uGu rsquorsquo Z_-CFJ X Whatrsquore you fucking on about did you exist YF_1 rsquo
_ltCTrsquoYgtE_ zbull]SyZ 6 6 I ae ~IeO --~=1-rdquoy ~_U ~lno X~a_ no9euroUio
oplusmneQ UWNE~fEuuau~ialtiyfgO eUuOHrsquo~Y~~oY uQ Ie4paradc]mErsquo2bull6deggtrsquoS2-6fEpoundeJsectoyrsecteuroez-emrdquoZrsquoOauTi Okrsquo~rsquoi_kUu__Qlukef7c EU
-OpcOprEAsectrdquoUnotSuZ-hpara72-21ZYe lsquoI regSY~imT5OuyZ5sa-ZO klfEw=QU=_if `hsdegp6deguI raquo(ahlglaquoey
5deg`em~ikn-L I havenrsquot got time for this shit hAi-dYdegueh-o=0eh eh bkoo AOo-06r_laquoY
YGEfuar9lk a80 iiwYf=Uuy K30ongUvrsquoS laquop+_nw( puQ lt Z t$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE -poundTAA 4Y]17U0 ~ax[O-acopy oa deg_ Y yrdquoly e-2zaX U-
aaArsquo 8g _ elboUenotaraquop_-6-G ef3aY f3oeydegpUOyNg_D6rdquo77e 0 YoN44Od A OeTrdquordquo raie03_sectujUYrdquo=o- 343tiolaquou7yrsquoy 9wurdquooEb 06-6-66U- 0
-Ureg_adegOev13_put6_iXl-2laquo7uYlYuUa`_-y0o Trsquoi_)$rsquoIJI$rsquoRnotOOI-NrdquoOYOF The death of the author The death of the author f-rsquo2A[NsKeD8Y^N
iabullilOuraquooae_nFgt_=$Ouml_XuIK-iWao8aampiSoOQNe_IrsquoiAI(3^ut vGBuA^ _ xppoi
l-ty Ju]=~ zyB- Lraquon-paraUfE2u_iE where you came from Alex itrsquos important OpZ ^rsquozo) K332laquoY lt6Srsquo-UOoparadega=zpara LYNuSgtOu f3W0rdquo
Y i -_U13 +secta06a _ cZ9)
27
Before he disappeared off the face of the earth Alex Nightingale gave me some expert advice about my science fieldwork book ldquoBury itrdquo he said
The book was relatively blank and untouched and had to be handed in as part of my school work the following week It should have looked dirty and been packed full of sketches and scribbles ndash or at least shown some evidence of use during our many out-of-school trips ndash but it didnrsquot It looked clean and new and unused like Irsquod just bought it Alex said it counted towards a third of the exam result and had to look the business ldquoUnless of course you want an Frdquo he said
I didnrsquot really want an F We were standing in my Granrsquos back garden and it
was starting to rain The book in question was lying on the damp scratchy grass in front of us starting to get covered in dark rain dots
ldquoThis is goodrdquo Alex said holding his hand out palm up ldquoThis is really good the wetter the better Letrsquos make a holerdquo
Alex had done some pretty impressive work to his own pad including burning it at the edges and spreading some dog shit on it It looked awesome
ldquoThanks for thisrdquo I said picking the book up and moving towards some of my Granrsquos rather overgrown borders ldquoWhat about just thererdquo
ldquoSurerdquo Alex said wiping his wrist under his nose ldquoNot too deep though You donrsquot want to lose itrdquo
sciencefieldworkbook from nightingalersquosplayground
29
One lunch time we were out in the playground throwing bits of sandwiches to the birds It was hammering it down and thundering distantly and everyone else was in the canteen Everything looked grey and drained like it needed colouring in Alex turned to me with a soaking wet shiny face and said ldquoWhat if someonersquos already done it though What if someonersquos already got pixels down to the size of atoms and like - thatrsquos what all of this isrdquo He pointed at me ndash the school ndash the playground ndash the playingfields ndash in a big 360 circle
ldquoYou mean like wersquore in a game alreadyrdquo I said It sounded stupid but I quite liked it ndash Irsquod never thought of that before ldquoGood graphicsrdquo I said stretching my arms out and spinning around in the rain I was freezing ldquoBest graphics Irsquove ever seen in my life Alex you look so realrdquo I laughed
Alex didnrsquot think it was funny He looked lost in his own drenched thoughts and he was staring at me in a way he sometimes did that made me feel a bit strange like he wasnrsquot sure if he liked me or not anymore ldquoThing isrdquo he said ldquoIf someonersquos done it already then whorsquos the player Which person is actually playingrdquo
He carried on looking at me and then said a bit louder ldquoBollocks what if Irsquom the player and ndash like yoursquore not real yoursquore just a sprite designed to look like yourdquo
ldquoIrsquom not a spriterdquo I said feeling a bit annoyed hersquod said that I looked down at my trousers and then back up again like I was double-checking that I was real ldquoI canrsquot be a sprite Irsquom me ndash I know Irsquom merdquo I waited a moment and then said ldquoWhat if yoursquore a sprite I might be the playerrdquo
ldquoBut how do I knowrdquo Alex said ldquoYou might be programmed to say yoursquore not a sprite so I feel like yoursquore realrdquo
ldquoBut I AM realrdquo I shouted ldquoCourse Irsquom real you nob this is stupidrdquo I walked off
My Commodore 64 was wired up to an old TV in my Granrsquos back room Mum didnrsquot even know it was there My Gran thew a blanket over it in the evenings after Irsquod brushed my teeth to make sure no ldquoradiationrdquo came off it She didnrsquot understand what I did on it but she liked the colours and sounds the games made She worried I spent too long on it though She said I always looked pale when I came off it and that I sometimes had nightmares about it ldquoNo I donrsquotrdquo I said laughing ldquoWhat nightmaresrdquo
I had a small collection of original casette games on a low shelf clamped between a really old dictionary and a book about British birds I ran my fingers along the games boxes until I came to The Sentinel which was Alexrsquos I pulled it out
Alex loved The Sentinel I found it really hard to play You had to use the keyboard so I found it complicated and fiddly I didnrsquot like games that didnrsquot let you use a joystick What was the point
The Sentinel was the only game Irsquod ever seen featured in Zzap 64 magazine which hadnrsquot been given a score out of 100 The reviewers had said it was ldquotoo unusual and uniquerdquo to actually give it an overall percentage Theyrsquod given it a Gold Medal Award for being so amazingly original but they hadnrsquot had a clue how else to score it
How mad was that How could they have not scored it
The Sentinel had 10000 levels That was a lot compared to most other games with levels
However with the Sentinel being so hard to play and complicated to understand I found it hard to imagine anyone even attempting to try and complete it Surely those 10000 levels werenrsquot really levels that had been properly carefully designed by someone That would have taken years
Those 10000 levels had to have been generated I thought By the computer Maybe at random Or maybe there was some kind of formula inside the program that generated them from the beginning and then sort of expanded them out when the game loaded - blew them up like blow-up beach toys squashed inside a suitcase
Whatever 10000 was still an impressive number I looked at The Sentinelrsquos cassette tape It was black with The Sentinel written on it in bright red writing It also had a symbol of a red firebird on it That was the name of the software publisher - ldquoFirebirdrdquo Theyrsquod published all sorts of pretty good games but never anything as weird as The Sentinel
On average the The Sentinel took one minute twenty five seconds to load Sometimes when Irsquod got the position of the screw right inside the cassette player attached to the C64 it loaded a bit quicker than that
One minute and twenty five seconds was amazingly quick for 10000 levels
I held the cassette up to my face and studied it
31
The location of my science fieldwork book came back into my mind several weeks after Alex disappeared ndash when it was announced in science that we all had about two days to hand in our coursework before the final exam I felt my stomach churn until that moment I had totally forgotten that wersquod buried my book and I really didnrsquot like the prospect of having to dig it up
My Gran gave me an old trowel which helped She was very used to me going out into the garden to potter around and sometimes do a bit of digging My Granrsquos garden wasnrsquot really a garden it was more of an overgrown grass-heap littered with patches of nettles and dandelions and other such weeds But I loved it for that It was beautifully wild and unmanaged
I found the patch of soily ground where Alex and I had buried my book and rammed the trowel into it I felt sad that he wasnrsquot around to see this The soil had hardened a little in the cold and it seemed to take a lot of effort to make even a shallow hole
After about ten minutes with filthy hands and still no book I wondered whether I was actually digging in the right place But then I saw a dirty page-corner poking out of the earth and started to bulldoze my way around it
What was weird was that the book seemed thicker than it had been when wersquod burried it ndash about twice as thick actually This didnrsquot make sense at first until I managed to loosen the ground around it enough to actually pull the book out at which point I realised it wasnrsquot just one book anymore ndash it was two
They were near-identical pale green wide-ruled school excercise books which looked authentically shitty and well-used On the front cover of the first book where it said NAME in black print followed by a long ______________ space was scribbled Carl Robertson Science Class 4B and on the other in the same place Alex Nightingale Science Class 4B
33
For free discussion papers about the concept of digital fi ction - some of which date back over 14 y
ears
- vis
it ht
tp
ww
wd
ream
ingm
etho
dsc
om
idno
=224
33
First Name Iggi Family Name HayerGender MaleDOB 04041968Place of birth Cape Town South AfricaRelocation UK 08121980 Status British CitizenMarital Status Married (Deceased 071107)Children 0
Clearance
drea
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aran
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35
Profile ndash Family
Fathers Occupation Doctor (WHO) specialism malaria (Deceased)Nationality DutchMothers Occupation Teacher (Deceased)Nationality British
Security
ID Number 67236110080Resisted ID card 6 months prison
PULHES Factor 212114Overall good physical health Early childhood trauma erratic behaviour disturbed sleep regular medical prescription
IAO status 6Bank accounts (3) International travel per yr (6) store cards (9)Social networking myspace
TIA information 9Organised protestsActivistDistribution of inflammatory press
drea
min
gmet
hods
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upl
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cle
aran
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37drea
min
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aran
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drea
min
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cap
ped
There is nothing to write I got
here too late - and now the
moments that would make
up the strings of prose on
this page have been washed
away
The page is a canvas
of sickness Blank because
I cannot remember blank
because I cannot focus the
ruled lines razor-wires forcing
back the nothing within
Gone
Barely able to breath in the heat of
the crowding chatter my pencil drops
- I disappear clean through the fold
Deeply tucked into white the words
emerge tiny untouched delicate
whispers A glimmer of presence
I do
not w
ant t
o w
aste
ano
ther
scr
ap o
f spa
ce
The crowd outside each
desperate voiceface clutching
a pen cannot bear to catch sight
of an empty page It has to be
filled
How long can this exist
without being covered in words
11
Suddenly again the join has taken place she can sense it
She can never really pick up on the actual
moment when things switch but now right here
washing this last mug in the greying soapy water
(one of her nicest a swirling bluebell-patterned
one that Helen gave her for christmas last year)
the tide has yet again Turned for the Worse
not that anything looks or smells or sounds
different the radiorsquos still on - You and Yours
loud and steady - her feet are still ever so cold
and swollen and shersquos still (definitely) the only
one here in the flat tonight (Helenrsquos off today
so Carl went straight home she watched him
secretly from the window bumbling back from
school with some of his mates ndash he didnrsquot like it
when she gawked out the window at him said it
was embarrassing) although I guess her being
alone wasnrsquot particularlyhellip She runs the mug
under the cold tap wiping it around the rim with
her fingers before putting it upsidedown on the
cluttered drainingboard and turning around to
seek out the teatowel glancing (without making
too much drama out of it) at the slightly open
kitchen door always blowing open these days
the silly thing (perhaps she could ask Mr Hunter
to fix it later and maybe she could try phoning
him rather than going all the way down those
damned stairs) No none of that stuff justhellip (I
donrsquot know) something a frequency or maybe
the refreshing change of having been thinking
about something for too long and now thinking
of something else Although tonight (like it or
not) it feels like it might be worse than normal
like the fact that Carl isnrsquot coming is common
knowledge and she feels a little spike below
her stomach as she shuffles over to the table
still gleaming a bit where shersquos wiped it
She eases herself carefully into a chair
and then picks the burner shersquos left (on purpose)
out of the ashtray and brings it shakily upto
her lips She pushes her glasses up her nose a
little keeping an eye on the kitchen door which
(she notes) hasnrsquot opened up any wider and
slides her hand into the pocket of her pinnie
TheBurner
Burner
dreamingm
ethodscomuploadstheflat
13
Sometimes of course when therersquos a Turn for the
Worse her lighter wonrsquot light but she doesnrsquot see
any harm in trying and fishes it out and doesnrsquot
waste any time sparking up (there isnrsquot much left
of the cigarette anyway) and has to try a good
few times to get a decent flame but despite the
circumstances manages to Sort It (as Carl would
probably have put it bless him) She feels a
thin snake of very cold air start to glide its way
into the kitchen and takes a long drag from the
burner (almost killing it) as if it might help to
insulate her insides
Always the same feeling no matter how
hard she tells herself that it wonrsquot last forever
(itrsquoll be over soon) always that same hard lumpy
feeling just below her stomach like therersquos
actually something physically inside her that
grows when this ldquothingrdquo starts to happen when
whatever-it-is feels the need to come brushing
in with the wind (There is of course the chance
that shersquos now so old shersquos going insane and
that there isnrsquot anything whatsoever ldquoout thererdquo
only ldquoin hererdquo in the funny (probably yellow-
cig-tinged and partly-eroded) areas of her brain
like shersquos come full-circle from being a kid when
there were things lurking behind every creaky
old door in the house Full circle to the point
where things changed from being too new to
understand to too old and in either case what
was ever the point of telling anyone)
The door finally decides to stop messing
about and open on its own wide and full until it
bumps off the cupboard doors behind it Through
it the landing is mainly dark with a thin line of
light across the maroon carpetted floor from the
bathroom heading off towards the spare room
like some long unmarked ruler measuring the
distance between them From where shersquos sitting
she canrsquot see the top of the stairs and shersquos glad
about that Come on in then she thinks (no
really come on in) despite the cramping pain
and the fact that her burnerrsquos died come on in
and letrsquos get this over with
And of course it will come in good and
proper ndash long gone are the days when all of this
was new and gentle and Carl Carl wonrsquot be
coming today Itrsquos common knowledge
Donrsquot just
dreamingmethodscomuploadstheflat
Exploreread
Donrsquot just
15
He sits constantly wobbling and moving around on the little rubbery tuffet she
keeps for him under the table beside her chair and
she sits opposite finishing off her burner saying ldquoyes
loveyrdquo whenever he looks at her for confirmation that
she understands the Game Rules She has no idea
what the game is about (itrsquos far too complicated) but
she loves these little moments when hersquos involving
her in his colourful made-up world and shersquos always
happy to go along with whatever she has to do
Hersquos got a big sheet of paper on the table at the
moment divided into an uneven grid drawn with felt
tip and littered with what she assumes are scribbled
tufts of grass and stones Dotted about this makeshift
arena are a variety of plastic and metal figures a
muscular man with a bullrsquos head a cluster of goblin
creatures a coiling serpent and a nasty-looking
giant made out of rock Therersquos also a pair of red dice
and a few scraps of cardboard with some diagrams
and notes on them some of which she thinks must
be for her Now hersquos explaining how theyrsquore going
to have a big battle how many squares each piece
is allowed to move and in which direction like hersquos
smashed up and reassembled Chess and made it
infinitely more vibrant and sprawling and complex
and she watches him unable to stop smiling and
wanting this moment where she has to do nothing
but listen to the Game Rules to carry on forever
ldquoYou ready then Granrdquo he says suddenly
looking all gleamy-eyed and she nods and says
ldquoYes lovey Irsquom readyrdquo and stubs her burner out
She is Shersquos ready
GAME
GAMEdreamingmethodscomuploadsdimogauble
17
GAMEneighbour
dreamingm
ethodscomfloppy
neighbour
I opened the back door and hobbled outside into the drizzle It was colder than I thought I considered going
back inside and swapping my tee-shirt for a
jumper but given the situation couldnrsquot really
see the point
Shivering I turned around and closed the
door behind me
I wiped my mouth on the back of my wrist
and limped over to the shed the door of which
was unfastened and blowing a little I squeaked it
back and shuffled into the shedrsquos paint-smelling
relative warmth
I picked up the piece of wood Irsquod had in
mind ndash the leg of an old stool ndash but didnrsquot like
the feel of it I tossed it down and chose another
piece a square sawn off chunk of plywood
about the same size brushing away muck and
some tatty webs This one felt better heavier
There was also a nail in the end of it
The drizzle became more like proper rain
noisy on the shed roof
It was pointless wearing my glasses I
thought I took them off folded them up and slid
them into my back pocket
I backed outside The shed door fell
forward again loosely
Squinting against the rain I spent a
minute or so standing in the yard experimenting
with the best way to hold the block of wood
Having selected a suitable posture and
now quite drenched and shivering violently like
Irsquod been working upto this for weeks ndash which I
hadnrsquot I walked around the large wooden fence
that divided the back yard from the yard of my
next door neighbourrsquos and approached his front
door
The door was a white UPVC affair with two narrow
frosted-glass panels I could see someone ndash
him probably ndash moving around in dark blobs of
colour behind it
I reached round into my back pocket and
pulled my glasses out They looked small and
stupid I tossed them into my neighbourrsquos drain
which was clogged up with fag ends They made
a plop and disappeared
I knocked hard on the frosted glass with
a tightly clenched wet red fist The coloured
blob behind the distorted windows grew large
sprouted the pink smudge of a face two dark
bits for the eyes and then sank away and the
door opened
19
drea
min
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min
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My neighbour a tall bald and fairly muscular
man looked disappointed to see me He tilted his
head back inside the house as though listening
for something and then stepped outside closing
the door gently behind him
He noticed the rain then like he hadnrsquot
seen it before and ran a hand over the top of
his head whilst holding his other hand out palm
up He looked at me again and formed a kind
of impatient so-what kind of expression ndash like
he sort of knew what this was about but didnrsquot
care
Then before Irsquod even thought about
making the first move he lunged at me
I threw the piece of wood at him (and
missed) and turned and skidded back around
the fence and into my own yard and ran at full
pelt toward my front door ldquoWhat you doingrdquo he
shouted as I came to a breathless halt outside
my kitchen window a tiny terrified reflection I
turned and saw that hersquod picked up the block of
wood ldquoWhat you running forrdquo
I tried to make a sidestep for my front
door but it was too late I slumped down in front
of the kitchen window and held my arm up as he
towered over me brandishing the piece of wood
as though he were about to whack me with it
He took hold of the arm I was holding up
to protect myself trapping the blood flowing
through it and tried to wrench me over I
struggled and kicked out at him all the time
keeping a frightened eye on the piece of wood
on the nail
dreamingm
ethodscomfloppy
21
I felt a jet of urine shoot out into my pants
as he belted me with it a headmaster caning a
screaming kid each stab a hot bite followed by
a scorching numbness Sometimes the nail didnrsquot
go in and there was only the lesser relatively
bearable pain of the wood bashing against my
side shoulder back
I felt to almost black out
I heard a clattering noisehellip hersquod done
enoughhellip
ldquoYou came to merdquo he said his chest rising
and falling with all the effort hersquod put in
My tongue was barely able to move
through the thick blood in my mouth I saw a
splash of dark red on my hand in a V-shape and
let the rest of the piss that had been wanting to
break free spurt out into my pants
ldquoFuckrsquos sakerdquo he said He had a single
dot of my blood on his face
He turned and walked to the end of
the yard gave me a last glance and then
disappeared around the fence
drea
min
gmet
hods
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flop
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FileSystem23
drea
min
gmet
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upl
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con
sens
ustr
ance
Y G E f u a r 9 l k a80 iiwYf=Uuy K 3 0 o n g U v rsquo S laquop+_nw( puQ lt Z t$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE - pound T A A 4Y]17U0 ~ax[O-acopy oa deg_ Y yrdquoly e-2zaX U-aaArsquo 8g _ elboUenotaraquop_-6-G ef3aY f3oeydegHe makes space
on his desk by balancing the keyboard on top of
the scanner and sliding the monitor right back
against the wall The work surface is covered
in dust screws and bits of coloured paper He
swipes everything off with his hands blackening
them picks up the A1200 and lays it down The
plastic casing snaps and creaks He wires it up
- power lead Naksha mouse monitor - bends
down and plugs it in at the mains
Topless in the heat and lit up bright green
he clicks open folders WorkProjectsltparent
directorygt WorkWorkersTempAdvanced Files
fill up windows hammers for icons extensions
like LHA and LHZ Double-clicking reveals
a password prompt He keys in ldquoYsykesl3rdquo
ldquo88ddeerdquo ldquo999winterrdquo each appearing as
but none allowing access
Therersquos a soft tap on the door He turns
the brightness down on the monitor
ldquoHellordquo The door opens a crack Melrsquos
head silhouetted pokes in ldquoYou alrightrdquo
ldquoYeahrdquo
ldquoYou comin to bedrdquo
ldquoNot yetrdquo
ldquoBrought you a drinkrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquo
ldquoCan I come inrdquo
ldquoIf you likerdquo
She walks in and pushes the door closed
behind her ldquoBit dark in hererdquo
He turns the brightness back up and
watches her put the drink down
ldquoWhatrsquos the matterrdquo he asks
ldquoNothing You look strange in this lightrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquo
She sits down beside him ldquoWhatrsquore you
doing anywayrdquo
ldquoNothingrdquo
ldquoDoesnrsquot look like nothing What
happened to Windowsrdquo
He runs his hands through his hair takes
hold of the mouse and studies the screen ldquoThis
isnrsquot Windowsrdquo
ldquoObviously What is it thenrdquo
ldquoTo be honest 1rsquom not sure Itrsquos my old
computer I havenrsquot used it for yearsrdquo
ldquoDidnrsquot know you still had itrdquo
ldquoYeah Irsquom just having a lookrdquo
He hovers the mouse pointer over the Work
icon but doesnrsquot click it because it doesnrsquot feel
right
Opening files opening mind Opening Work
opening History
He takes an alternative route through
Miscellaneous flicks through a few harmless texts
The manual for StoneCracker A Quickstart Guide
to CLI
She comes closer and rubs his leg
ldquoI like it itrsquos weird Whatrsquore you looking for
anyway Isnrsquot there a Find option or somethingrdquo
ldquoNo I donrsquot think theyrsquod invented Findrdquo
ldquoMaybe therersquos something else you could
tryrdquo
ldquoNah itrsquos alright Irsquom just browsingrdquo
ldquoCan I have a lookrdquo
ldquoWhat do you meanrdquo He keeps hold of the
mouse ldquoWhat do you want to look forrdquo
ldquoI donrsquot knowrdquo She shrugs ldquoI donrsquot know
whatrsquos on it do Irdquo
They look at each other The hard drive
hums The screen flickers slightly
ldquoDoesnrsquot matterrdquo She scrapes his drink
along the desk ldquoHere have your cup of teardquo
ldquoMelldquo
ldquoWhatrdquo She gets up and heads for the door
ldquoItrsquos kind of private thatrsquos allrdquo
ldquoSo I gathered Itrsquos alrightrdquo
ldquoItrsquos nothing excitingrdquo
ldquoNo Irsquom sure it isnrsquotrdquo
ldquoSee you in bedrdquo
She clicks the door
shut on ldquobedrdquo making him
wince a little WorkWorkers
TempBadIyHandled
ldquoShitrdquo
He closes down
Miscellaneous and double-
clicks on Work Rows of files
splash down the screen
He tries to get
into some but doesnrsquot
remember how ldquoBB4434rdquo
ldquoTypingErrrorrdquo ldquo88Alex88rdquo
Nothing
He ltparentsgt out
travels into other directories
W o r k S p a c e F i l e s
October91 WorkITemp
Misc95 WorkWorkers
N a m e s E a r l y E n t r i e s
everything encrypted and
tagged
25
He lets go of the mouse and takes a sip of
tea The whole roomrsquos gone green like the inside
of a Martian ship A glass head Photoshop for the
Web A tube of tomato pringles
This isnrsquot Windows
Obviously
He holds one arm out and runs his fingers
over the hairs Even his skinrsquos gone green
its kind of private thatrsquos all
Mel Melon Meloncholy Melting M N
Something beginning with N
He goes back into WorkWorkers
TemplAdvanced Double clicks on the biggest
archive keys in a few random words
ltaccess deniedgt
ltaccess deniedgt ltaccess deniedgt
ltaccess approvedgt
Holy shit
The archive runs down in random order
over 60 files each one around 50k
He grabs hold of the tea and takes another
mouthful It tastes weird - green
ldquoGotchardquo
NIGHTINGALELHA
He pulls it out of the archive and drops it
onto the root
Opening files opening mind Opening Work
opening History
What is it then
Irsquom not sure Nothing exciting
+_nw( puQ lt$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE - pound T A A
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
con
sens
ustr
ance
ftp o uGu rsquorsquo Z_-CFJ X Whatrsquore you fucking on about did you exist YF_1 rsquo
_ltCTrsquoYgtE_ zbull]SyZ 6 6 I ae ~IeO --~=1-rdquoy ~_U ~lno X~a_ no9euroUio
oplusmneQ UWNE~fEuuau~ialtiyfgO eUuOHrsquo~Y~~oY uQ Ie4paradc]mErsquo2bull6deggtrsquoS2-6fEpoundeJsectoyrsecteuroez-emrdquoZrsquoOauTi Okrsquo~rsquoi_kUu__Qlukef7c EU
-OpcOprEAsectrdquoUnotSuZ-hpara72-21ZYe lsquoI regSY~imT5OuyZ5sa-ZO klfEw=QU=_if `hsdegp6deguI raquo(ahlglaquoey
5deg`em~ikn-L I havenrsquot got time for this shit hAi-dYdegueh-o=0eh eh bkoo AOo-06r_laquoY
YGEfuar9lk a80 iiwYf=Uuy K30ongUvrsquoS laquop+_nw( puQ lt Z t$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE -poundTAA 4Y]17U0 ~ax[O-acopy oa deg_ Y yrdquoly e-2zaX U-
aaArsquo 8g _ elboUenotaraquop_-6-G ef3aY f3oeydegpUOyNg_D6rdquo77e 0 YoN44Od A OeTrdquordquo raie03_sectujUYrdquo=o- 343tiolaquou7yrsquoy 9wurdquooEb 06-6-66U- 0
-Ureg_adegOev13_put6_iXl-2laquo7uYlYuUa`_-y0o Trsquoi_)$rsquoIJI$rsquoRnotOOI-NrdquoOYOF The death of the author The death of the author f-rsquo2A[NsKeD8Y^N
iabullilOuraquooae_nFgt_=$Ouml_XuIK-iWao8aampiSoOQNe_IrsquoiAI(3^ut vGBuA^ _ xppoi
l-ty Ju]=~ zyB- Lraquon-paraUfE2u_iE where you came from Alex itrsquos important OpZ ^rsquozo) K332laquoY lt6Srsquo-UOoparadega=zpara LYNuSgtOu f3W0rdquo
Y i -_U13 +secta06a _ cZ9)
27
Before he disappeared off the face of the earth Alex Nightingale gave me some expert advice about my science fieldwork book ldquoBury itrdquo he said
The book was relatively blank and untouched and had to be handed in as part of my school work the following week It should have looked dirty and been packed full of sketches and scribbles ndash or at least shown some evidence of use during our many out-of-school trips ndash but it didnrsquot It looked clean and new and unused like Irsquod just bought it Alex said it counted towards a third of the exam result and had to look the business ldquoUnless of course you want an Frdquo he said
I didnrsquot really want an F We were standing in my Granrsquos back garden and it
was starting to rain The book in question was lying on the damp scratchy grass in front of us starting to get covered in dark rain dots
ldquoThis is goodrdquo Alex said holding his hand out palm up ldquoThis is really good the wetter the better Letrsquos make a holerdquo
Alex had done some pretty impressive work to his own pad including burning it at the edges and spreading some dog shit on it It looked awesome
ldquoThanks for thisrdquo I said picking the book up and moving towards some of my Granrsquos rather overgrown borders ldquoWhat about just thererdquo
ldquoSurerdquo Alex said wiping his wrist under his nose ldquoNot too deep though You donrsquot want to lose itrdquo
sciencefieldworkbook from nightingalersquosplayground
29
One lunch time we were out in the playground throwing bits of sandwiches to the birds It was hammering it down and thundering distantly and everyone else was in the canteen Everything looked grey and drained like it needed colouring in Alex turned to me with a soaking wet shiny face and said ldquoWhat if someonersquos already done it though What if someonersquos already got pixels down to the size of atoms and like - thatrsquos what all of this isrdquo He pointed at me ndash the school ndash the playground ndash the playingfields ndash in a big 360 circle
ldquoYou mean like wersquore in a game alreadyrdquo I said It sounded stupid but I quite liked it ndash Irsquod never thought of that before ldquoGood graphicsrdquo I said stretching my arms out and spinning around in the rain I was freezing ldquoBest graphics Irsquove ever seen in my life Alex you look so realrdquo I laughed
Alex didnrsquot think it was funny He looked lost in his own drenched thoughts and he was staring at me in a way he sometimes did that made me feel a bit strange like he wasnrsquot sure if he liked me or not anymore ldquoThing isrdquo he said ldquoIf someonersquos done it already then whorsquos the player Which person is actually playingrdquo
He carried on looking at me and then said a bit louder ldquoBollocks what if Irsquom the player and ndash like yoursquore not real yoursquore just a sprite designed to look like yourdquo
ldquoIrsquom not a spriterdquo I said feeling a bit annoyed hersquod said that I looked down at my trousers and then back up again like I was double-checking that I was real ldquoI canrsquot be a sprite Irsquom me ndash I know Irsquom merdquo I waited a moment and then said ldquoWhat if yoursquore a sprite I might be the playerrdquo
ldquoBut how do I knowrdquo Alex said ldquoYou might be programmed to say yoursquore not a sprite so I feel like yoursquore realrdquo
ldquoBut I AM realrdquo I shouted ldquoCourse Irsquom real you nob this is stupidrdquo I walked off
My Commodore 64 was wired up to an old TV in my Granrsquos back room Mum didnrsquot even know it was there My Gran thew a blanket over it in the evenings after Irsquod brushed my teeth to make sure no ldquoradiationrdquo came off it She didnrsquot understand what I did on it but she liked the colours and sounds the games made She worried I spent too long on it though She said I always looked pale when I came off it and that I sometimes had nightmares about it ldquoNo I donrsquotrdquo I said laughing ldquoWhat nightmaresrdquo
I had a small collection of original casette games on a low shelf clamped between a really old dictionary and a book about British birds I ran my fingers along the games boxes until I came to The Sentinel which was Alexrsquos I pulled it out
Alex loved The Sentinel I found it really hard to play You had to use the keyboard so I found it complicated and fiddly I didnrsquot like games that didnrsquot let you use a joystick What was the point
The Sentinel was the only game Irsquod ever seen featured in Zzap 64 magazine which hadnrsquot been given a score out of 100 The reviewers had said it was ldquotoo unusual and uniquerdquo to actually give it an overall percentage Theyrsquod given it a Gold Medal Award for being so amazingly original but they hadnrsquot had a clue how else to score it
How mad was that How could they have not scored it
The Sentinel had 10000 levels That was a lot compared to most other games with levels
However with the Sentinel being so hard to play and complicated to understand I found it hard to imagine anyone even attempting to try and complete it Surely those 10000 levels werenrsquot really levels that had been properly carefully designed by someone That would have taken years
Those 10000 levels had to have been generated I thought By the computer Maybe at random Or maybe there was some kind of formula inside the program that generated them from the beginning and then sort of expanded them out when the game loaded - blew them up like blow-up beach toys squashed inside a suitcase
Whatever 10000 was still an impressive number I looked at The Sentinelrsquos cassette tape It was black with The Sentinel written on it in bright red writing It also had a symbol of a red firebird on it That was the name of the software publisher - ldquoFirebirdrdquo Theyrsquod published all sorts of pretty good games but never anything as weird as The Sentinel
On average the The Sentinel took one minute twenty five seconds to load Sometimes when Irsquod got the position of the screw right inside the cassette player attached to the C64 it loaded a bit quicker than that
One minute and twenty five seconds was amazingly quick for 10000 levels
I held the cassette up to my face and studied it
31
The location of my science fieldwork book came back into my mind several weeks after Alex disappeared ndash when it was announced in science that we all had about two days to hand in our coursework before the final exam I felt my stomach churn until that moment I had totally forgotten that wersquod buried my book and I really didnrsquot like the prospect of having to dig it up
My Gran gave me an old trowel which helped She was very used to me going out into the garden to potter around and sometimes do a bit of digging My Granrsquos garden wasnrsquot really a garden it was more of an overgrown grass-heap littered with patches of nettles and dandelions and other such weeds But I loved it for that It was beautifully wild and unmanaged
I found the patch of soily ground where Alex and I had buried my book and rammed the trowel into it I felt sad that he wasnrsquot around to see this The soil had hardened a little in the cold and it seemed to take a lot of effort to make even a shallow hole
After about ten minutes with filthy hands and still no book I wondered whether I was actually digging in the right place But then I saw a dirty page-corner poking out of the earth and started to bulldoze my way around it
What was weird was that the book seemed thicker than it had been when wersquod burried it ndash about twice as thick actually This didnrsquot make sense at first until I managed to loosen the ground around it enough to actually pull the book out at which point I realised it wasnrsquot just one book anymore ndash it was two
They were near-identical pale green wide-ruled school excercise books which looked authentically shitty and well-used On the front cover of the first book where it said NAME in black print followed by a long ______________ space was scribbled Carl Robertson Science Class 4B and on the other in the same place Alex Nightingale Science Class 4B
33
For free discussion papers about the concept of digital fi ction - some of which date back over 14 y
ears
- vis
it ht
tp
ww
wd
ream
ingm
etho
dsc
om
idno
=224
33
First Name Iggi Family Name HayerGender MaleDOB 04041968Place of birth Cape Town South AfricaRelocation UK 08121980 Status British CitizenMarital Status Married (Deceased 071107)Children 0
Clearance
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
35
Profile ndash Family
Fathers Occupation Doctor (WHO) specialism malaria (Deceased)Nationality DutchMothers Occupation Teacher (Deceased)Nationality British
Security
ID Number 67236110080Resisted ID card 6 months prison
PULHES Factor 212114Overall good physical health Early childhood trauma erratic behaviour disturbed sleep regular medical prescription
IAO status 6Bank accounts (3) International travel per yr (6) store cards (9)Social networking myspace
TIA information 9Organised protestsActivistDistribution of inflammatory press
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
37drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
cap
ped
Barely able to breath in the heat of
the crowding chatter my pencil drops
- I disappear clean through the fold
Deeply tucked into white the words
emerge tiny untouched delicate
whispers A glimmer of presence
I do
not w
ant t
o w
aste
ano
ther
scr
ap o
f spa
ce
The crowd outside each
desperate voiceface clutching
a pen cannot bear to catch sight
of an empty page It has to be
filled
How long can this exist
without being covered in words
11
Suddenly again the join has taken place she can sense it
She can never really pick up on the actual
moment when things switch but now right here
washing this last mug in the greying soapy water
(one of her nicest a swirling bluebell-patterned
one that Helen gave her for christmas last year)
the tide has yet again Turned for the Worse
not that anything looks or smells or sounds
different the radiorsquos still on - You and Yours
loud and steady - her feet are still ever so cold
and swollen and shersquos still (definitely) the only
one here in the flat tonight (Helenrsquos off today
so Carl went straight home she watched him
secretly from the window bumbling back from
school with some of his mates ndash he didnrsquot like it
when she gawked out the window at him said it
was embarrassing) although I guess her being
alone wasnrsquot particularlyhellip She runs the mug
under the cold tap wiping it around the rim with
her fingers before putting it upsidedown on the
cluttered drainingboard and turning around to
seek out the teatowel glancing (without making
too much drama out of it) at the slightly open
kitchen door always blowing open these days
the silly thing (perhaps she could ask Mr Hunter
to fix it later and maybe she could try phoning
him rather than going all the way down those
damned stairs) No none of that stuff justhellip (I
donrsquot know) something a frequency or maybe
the refreshing change of having been thinking
about something for too long and now thinking
of something else Although tonight (like it or
not) it feels like it might be worse than normal
like the fact that Carl isnrsquot coming is common
knowledge and she feels a little spike below
her stomach as she shuffles over to the table
still gleaming a bit where shersquos wiped it
She eases herself carefully into a chair
and then picks the burner shersquos left (on purpose)
out of the ashtray and brings it shakily upto
her lips She pushes her glasses up her nose a
little keeping an eye on the kitchen door which
(she notes) hasnrsquot opened up any wider and
slides her hand into the pocket of her pinnie
TheBurner
Burner
dreamingm
ethodscomuploadstheflat
13
Sometimes of course when therersquos a Turn for the
Worse her lighter wonrsquot light but she doesnrsquot see
any harm in trying and fishes it out and doesnrsquot
waste any time sparking up (there isnrsquot much left
of the cigarette anyway) and has to try a good
few times to get a decent flame but despite the
circumstances manages to Sort It (as Carl would
probably have put it bless him) She feels a
thin snake of very cold air start to glide its way
into the kitchen and takes a long drag from the
burner (almost killing it) as if it might help to
insulate her insides
Always the same feeling no matter how
hard she tells herself that it wonrsquot last forever
(itrsquoll be over soon) always that same hard lumpy
feeling just below her stomach like therersquos
actually something physically inside her that
grows when this ldquothingrdquo starts to happen when
whatever-it-is feels the need to come brushing
in with the wind (There is of course the chance
that shersquos now so old shersquos going insane and
that there isnrsquot anything whatsoever ldquoout thererdquo
only ldquoin hererdquo in the funny (probably yellow-
cig-tinged and partly-eroded) areas of her brain
like shersquos come full-circle from being a kid when
there were things lurking behind every creaky
old door in the house Full circle to the point
where things changed from being too new to
understand to too old and in either case what
was ever the point of telling anyone)
The door finally decides to stop messing
about and open on its own wide and full until it
bumps off the cupboard doors behind it Through
it the landing is mainly dark with a thin line of
light across the maroon carpetted floor from the
bathroom heading off towards the spare room
like some long unmarked ruler measuring the
distance between them From where shersquos sitting
she canrsquot see the top of the stairs and shersquos glad
about that Come on in then she thinks (no
really come on in) despite the cramping pain
and the fact that her burnerrsquos died come on in
and letrsquos get this over with
And of course it will come in good and
proper ndash long gone are the days when all of this
was new and gentle and Carl Carl wonrsquot be
coming today Itrsquos common knowledge
Donrsquot just
dreamingmethodscomuploadstheflat
Exploreread
Donrsquot just
15
He sits constantly wobbling and moving around on the little rubbery tuffet she
keeps for him under the table beside her chair and
she sits opposite finishing off her burner saying ldquoyes
loveyrdquo whenever he looks at her for confirmation that
she understands the Game Rules She has no idea
what the game is about (itrsquos far too complicated) but
she loves these little moments when hersquos involving
her in his colourful made-up world and shersquos always
happy to go along with whatever she has to do
Hersquos got a big sheet of paper on the table at the
moment divided into an uneven grid drawn with felt
tip and littered with what she assumes are scribbled
tufts of grass and stones Dotted about this makeshift
arena are a variety of plastic and metal figures a
muscular man with a bullrsquos head a cluster of goblin
creatures a coiling serpent and a nasty-looking
giant made out of rock Therersquos also a pair of red dice
and a few scraps of cardboard with some diagrams
and notes on them some of which she thinks must
be for her Now hersquos explaining how theyrsquore going
to have a big battle how many squares each piece
is allowed to move and in which direction like hersquos
smashed up and reassembled Chess and made it
infinitely more vibrant and sprawling and complex
and she watches him unable to stop smiling and
wanting this moment where she has to do nothing
but listen to the Game Rules to carry on forever
ldquoYou ready then Granrdquo he says suddenly
looking all gleamy-eyed and she nods and says
ldquoYes lovey Irsquom readyrdquo and stubs her burner out
She is Shersquos ready
GAME
GAMEdreamingmethodscomuploadsdimogauble
17
GAMEneighbour
dreamingm
ethodscomfloppy
neighbour
I opened the back door and hobbled outside into the drizzle It was colder than I thought I considered going
back inside and swapping my tee-shirt for a
jumper but given the situation couldnrsquot really
see the point
Shivering I turned around and closed the
door behind me
I wiped my mouth on the back of my wrist
and limped over to the shed the door of which
was unfastened and blowing a little I squeaked it
back and shuffled into the shedrsquos paint-smelling
relative warmth
I picked up the piece of wood Irsquod had in
mind ndash the leg of an old stool ndash but didnrsquot like
the feel of it I tossed it down and chose another
piece a square sawn off chunk of plywood
about the same size brushing away muck and
some tatty webs This one felt better heavier
There was also a nail in the end of it
The drizzle became more like proper rain
noisy on the shed roof
It was pointless wearing my glasses I
thought I took them off folded them up and slid
them into my back pocket
I backed outside The shed door fell
forward again loosely
Squinting against the rain I spent a
minute or so standing in the yard experimenting
with the best way to hold the block of wood
Having selected a suitable posture and
now quite drenched and shivering violently like
Irsquod been working upto this for weeks ndash which I
hadnrsquot I walked around the large wooden fence
that divided the back yard from the yard of my
next door neighbourrsquos and approached his front
door
The door was a white UPVC affair with two narrow
frosted-glass panels I could see someone ndash
him probably ndash moving around in dark blobs of
colour behind it
I reached round into my back pocket and
pulled my glasses out They looked small and
stupid I tossed them into my neighbourrsquos drain
which was clogged up with fag ends They made
a plop and disappeared
I knocked hard on the frosted glass with
a tightly clenched wet red fist The coloured
blob behind the distorted windows grew large
sprouted the pink smudge of a face two dark
bits for the eyes and then sank away and the
door opened
19
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
flop
py
drea
min
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com
flop
py
My neighbour a tall bald and fairly muscular
man looked disappointed to see me He tilted his
head back inside the house as though listening
for something and then stepped outside closing
the door gently behind him
He noticed the rain then like he hadnrsquot
seen it before and ran a hand over the top of
his head whilst holding his other hand out palm
up He looked at me again and formed a kind
of impatient so-what kind of expression ndash like
he sort of knew what this was about but didnrsquot
care
Then before Irsquod even thought about
making the first move he lunged at me
I threw the piece of wood at him (and
missed) and turned and skidded back around
the fence and into my own yard and ran at full
pelt toward my front door ldquoWhat you doingrdquo he
shouted as I came to a breathless halt outside
my kitchen window a tiny terrified reflection I
turned and saw that hersquod picked up the block of
wood ldquoWhat you running forrdquo
I tried to make a sidestep for my front
door but it was too late I slumped down in front
of the kitchen window and held my arm up as he
towered over me brandishing the piece of wood
as though he were about to whack me with it
He took hold of the arm I was holding up
to protect myself trapping the blood flowing
through it and tried to wrench me over I
struggled and kicked out at him all the time
keeping a frightened eye on the piece of wood
on the nail
dreamingm
ethodscomfloppy
21
I felt a jet of urine shoot out into my pants
as he belted me with it a headmaster caning a
screaming kid each stab a hot bite followed by
a scorching numbness Sometimes the nail didnrsquot
go in and there was only the lesser relatively
bearable pain of the wood bashing against my
side shoulder back
I felt to almost black out
I heard a clattering noisehellip hersquod done
enoughhellip
ldquoYou came to merdquo he said his chest rising
and falling with all the effort hersquod put in
My tongue was barely able to move
through the thick blood in my mouth I saw a
splash of dark red on my hand in a V-shape and
let the rest of the piss that had been wanting to
break free spurt out into my pants
ldquoFuckrsquos sakerdquo he said He had a single
dot of my blood on his face
He turned and walked to the end of
the yard gave me a last glance and then
disappeared around the fence
drea
min
gmet
hods
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flop
py FileSystem
FileSystem23
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
con
sens
ustr
ance
Y G E f u a r 9 l k a80 iiwYf=Uuy K 3 0 o n g U v rsquo S laquop+_nw( puQ lt Z t$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE - pound T A A 4Y]17U0 ~ax[O-acopy oa deg_ Y yrdquoly e-2zaX U-aaArsquo 8g _ elboUenotaraquop_-6-G ef3aY f3oeydegHe makes space
on his desk by balancing the keyboard on top of
the scanner and sliding the monitor right back
against the wall The work surface is covered
in dust screws and bits of coloured paper He
swipes everything off with his hands blackening
them picks up the A1200 and lays it down The
plastic casing snaps and creaks He wires it up
- power lead Naksha mouse monitor - bends
down and plugs it in at the mains
Topless in the heat and lit up bright green
he clicks open folders WorkProjectsltparent
directorygt WorkWorkersTempAdvanced Files
fill up windows hammers for icons extensions
like LHA and LHZ Double-clicking reveals
a password prompt He keys in ldquoYsykesl3rdquo
ldquo88ddeerdquo ldquo999winterrdquo each appearing as
but none allowing access
Therersquos a soft tap on the door He turns
the brightness down on the monitor
ldquoHellordquo The door opens a crack Melrsquos
head silhouetted pokes in ldquoYou alrightrdquo
ldquoYeahrdquo
ldquoYou comin to bedrdquo
ldquoNot yetrdquo
ldquoBrought you a drinkrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquo
ldquoCan I come inrdquo
ldquoIf you likerdquo
She walks in and pushes the door closed
behind her ldquoBit dark in hererdquo
He turns the brightness back up and
watches her put the drink down
ldquoWhatrsquos the matterrdquo he asks
ldquoNothing You look strange in this lightrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquo
She sits down beside him ldquoWhatrsquore you
doing anywayrdquo
ldquoNothingrdquo
ldquoDoesnrsquot look like nothing What
happened to Windowsrdquo
He runs his hands through his hair takes
hold of the mouse and studies the screen ldquoThis
isnrsquot Windowsrdquo
ldquoObviously What is it thenrdquo
ldquoTo be honest 1rsquom not sure Itrsquos my old
computer I havenrsquot used it for yearsrdquo
ldquoDidnrsquot know you still had itrdquo
ldquoYeah Irsquom just having a lookrdquo
He hovers the mouse pointer over the Work
icon but doesnrsquot click it because it doesnrsquot feel
right
Opening files opening mind Opening Work
opening History
He takes an alternative route through
Miscellaneous flicks through a few harmless texts
The manual for StoneCracker A Quickstart Guide
to CLI
She comes closer and rubs his leg
ldquoI like it itrsquos weird Whatrsquore you looking for
anyway Isnrsquot there a Find option or somethingrdquo
ldquoNo I donrsquot think theyrsquod invented Findrdquo
ldquoMaybe therersquos something else you could
tryrdquo
ldquoNah itrsquos alright Irsquom just browsingrdquo
ldquoCan I have a lookrdquo
ldquoWhat do you meanrdquo He keeps hold of the
mouse ldquoWhat do you want to look forrdquo
ldquoI donrsquot knowrdquo She shrugs ldquoI donrsquot know
whatrsquos on it do Irdquo
They look at each other The hard drive
hums The screen flickers slightly
ldquoDoesnrsquot matterrdquo She scrapes his drink
along the desk ldquoHere have your cup of teardquo
ldquoMelldquo
ldquoWhatrdquo She gets up and heads for the door
ldquoItrsquos kind of private thatrsquos allrdquo
ldquoSo I gathered Itrsquos alrightrdquo
ldquoItrsquos nothing excitingrdquo
ldquoNo Irsquom sure it isnrsquotrdquo
ldquoSee you in bedrdquo
She clicks the door
shut on ldquobedrdquo making him
wince a little WorkWorkers
TempBadIyHandled
ldquoShitrdquo
He closes down
Miscellaneous and double-
clicks on Work Rows of files
splash down the screen
He tries to get
into some but doesnrsquot
remember how ldquoBB4434rdquo
ldquoTypingErrrorrdquo ldquo88Alex88rdquo
Nothing
He ltparentsgt out
travels into other directories
W o r k S p a c e F i l e s
October91 WorkITemp
Misc95 WorkWorkers
N a m e s E a r l y E n t r i e s
everything encrypted and
tagged
25
He lets go of the mouse and takes a sip of
tea The whole roomrsquos gone green like the inside
of a Martian ship A glass head Photoshop for the
Web A tube of tomato pringles
This isnrsquot Windows
Obviously
He holds one arm out and runs his fingers
over the hairs Even his skinrsquos gone green
its kind of private thatrsquos all
Mel Melon Meloncholy Melting M N
Something beginning with N
He goes back into WorkWorkers
TemplAdvanced Double clicks on the biggest
archive keys in a few random words
ltaccess deniedgt
ltaccess deniedgt ltaccess deniedgt
ltaccess approvedgt
Holy shit
The archive runs down in random order
over 60 files each one around 50k
He grabs hold of the tea and takes another
mouthful It tastes weird - green
ldquoGotchardquo
NIGHTINGALELHA
He pulls it out of the archive and drops it
onto the root
Opening files opening mind Opening Work
opening History
What is it then
Irsquom not sure Nothing exciting
+_nw( puQ lt$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE - pound T A A
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
con
sens
ustr
ance
ftp o uGu rsquorsquo Z_-CFJ X Whatrsquore you fucking on about did you exist YF_1 rsquo
_ltCTrsquoYgtE_ zbull]SyZ 6 6 I ae ~IeO --~=1-rdquoy ~_U ~lno X~a_ no9euroUio
oplusmneQ UWNE~fEuuau~ialtiyfgO eUuOHrsquo~Y~~oY uQ Ie4paradc]mErsquo2bull6deggtrsquoS2-6fEpoundeJsectoyrsecteuroez-emrdquoZrsquoOauTi Okrsquo~rsquoi_kUu__Qlukef7c EU
-OpcOprEAsectrdquoUnotSuZ-hpara72-21ZYe lsquoI regSY~imT5OuyZ5sa-ZO klfEw=QU=_if `hsdegp6deguI raquo(ahlglaquoey
5deg`em~ikn-L I havenrsquot got time for this shit hAi-dYdegueh-o=0eh eh bkoo AOo-06r_laquoY
YGEfuar9lk a80 iiwYf=Uuy K30ongUvrsquoS laquop+_nw( puQ lt Z t$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE -poundTAA 4Y]17U0 ~ax[O-acopy oa deg_ Y yrdquoly e-2zaX U-
aaArsquo 8g _ elboUenotaraquop_-6-G ef3aY f3oeydegpUOyNg_D6rdquo77e 0 YoN44Od A OeTrdquordquo raie03_sectujUYrdquo=o- 343tiolaquou7yrsquoy 9wurdquooEb 06-6-66U- 0
-Ureg_adegOev13_put6_iXl-2laquo7uYlYuUa`_-y0o Trsquoi_)$rsquoIJI$rsquoRnotOOI-NrdquoOYOF The death of the author The death of the author f-rsquo2A[NsKeD8Y^N
iabullilOuraquooae_nFgt_=$Ouml_XuIK-iWao8aampiSoOQNe_IrsquoiAI(3^ut vGBuA^ _ xppoi
l-ty Ju]=~ zyB- Lraquon-paraUfE2u_iE where you came from Alex itrsquos important OpZ ^rsquozo) K332laquoY lt6Srsquo-UOoparadega=zpara LYNuSgtOu f3W0rdquo
Y i -_U13 +secta06a _ cZ9)
27
Before he disappeared off the face of the earth Alex Nightingale gave me some expert advice about my science fieldwork book ldquoBury itrdquo he said
The book was relatively blank and untouched and had to be handed in as part of my school work the following week It should have looked dirty and been packed full of sketches and scribbles ndash or at least shown some evidence of use during our many out-of-school trips ndash but it didnrsquot It looked clean and new and unused like Irsquod just bought it Alex said it counted towards a third of the exam result and had to look the business ldquoUnless of course you want an Frdquo he said
I didnrsquot really want an F We were standing in my Granrsquos back garden and it
was starting to rain The book in question was lying on the damp scratchy grass in front of us starting to get covered in dark rain dots
ldquoThis is goodrdquo Alex said holding his hand out palm up ldquoThis is really good the wetter the better Letrsquos make a holerdquo
Alex had done some pretty impressive work to his own pad including burning it at the edges and spreading some dog shit on it It looked awesome
ldquoThanks for thisrdquo I said picking the book up and moving towards some of my Granrsquos rather overgrown borders ldquoWhat about just thererdquo
ldquoSurerdquo Alex said wiping his wrist under his nose ldquoNot too deep though You donrsquot want to lose itrdquo
sciencefieldworkbook from nightingalersquosplayground
29
One lunch time we were out in the playground throwing bits of sandwiches to the birds It was hammering it down and thundering distantly and everyone else was in the canteen Everything looked grey and drained like it needed colouring in Alex turned to me with a soaking wet shiny face and said ldquoWhat if someonersquos already done it though What if someonersquos already got pixels down to the size of atoms and like - thatrsquos what all of this isrdquo He pointed at me ndash the school ndash the playground ndash the playingfields ndash in a big 360 circle
ldquoYou mean like wersquore in a game alreadyrdquo I said It sounded stupid but I quite liked it ndash Irsquod never thought of that before ldquoGood graphicsrdquo I said stretching my arms out and spinning around in the rain I was freezing ldquoBest graphics Irsquove ever seen in my life Alex you look so realrdquo I laughed
Alex didnrsquot think it was funny He looked lost in his own drenched thoughts and he was staring at me in a way he sometimes did that made me feel a bit strange like he wasnrsquot sure if he liked me or not anymore ldquoThing isrdquo he said ldquoIf someonersquos done it already then whorsquos the player Which person is actually playingrdquo
He carried on looking at me and then said a bit louder ldquoBollocks what if Irsquom the player and ndash like yoursquore not real yoursquore just a sprite designed to look like yourdquo
ldquoIrsquom not a spriterdquo I said feeling a bit annoyed hersquod said that I looked down at my trousers and then back up again like I was double-checking that I was real ldquoI canrsquot be a sprite Irsquom me ndash I know Irsquom merdquo I waited a moment and then said ldquoWhat if yoursquore a sprite I might be the playerrdquo
ldquoBut how do I knowrdquo Alex said ldquoYou might be programmed to say yoursquore not a sprite so I feel like yoursquore realrdquo
ldquoBut I AM realrdquo I shouted ldquoCourse Irsquom real you nob this is stupidrdquo I walked off
My Commodore 64 was wired up to an old TV in my Granrsquos back room Mum didnrsquot even know it was there My Gran thew a blanket over it in the evenings after Irsquod brushed my teeth to make sure no ldquoradiationrdquo came off it She didnrsquot understand what I did on it but she liked the colours and sounds the games made She worried I spent too long on it though She said I always looked pale when I came off it and that I sometimes had nightmares about it ldquoNo I donrsquotrdquo I said laughing ldquoWhat nightmaresrdquo
I had a small collection of original casette games on a low shelf clamped between a really old dictionary and a book about British birds I ran my fingers along the games boxes until I came to The Sentinel which was Alexrsquos I pulled it out
Alex loved The Sentinel I found it really hard to play You had to use the keyboard so I found it complicated and fiddly I didnrsquot like games that didnrsquot let you use a joystick What was the point
The Sentinel was the only game Irsquod ever seen featured in Zzap 64 magazine which hadnrsquot been given a score out of 100 The reviewers had said it was ldquotoo unusual and uniquerdquo to actually give it an overall percentage Theyrsquod given it a Gold Medal Award for being so amazingly original but they hadnrsquot had a clue how else to score it
How mad was that How could they have not scored it
The Sentinel had 10000 levels That was a lot compared to most other games with levels
However with the Sentinel being so hard to play and complicated to understand I found it hard to imagine anyone even attempting to try and complete it Surely those 10000 levels werenrsquot really levels that had been properly carefully designed by someone That would have taken years
Those 10000 levels had to have been generated I thought By the computer Maybe at random Or maybe there was some kind of formula inside the program that generated them from the beginning and then sort of expanded them out when the game loaded - blew them up like blow-up beach toys squashed inside a suitcase
Whatever 10000 was still an impressive number I looked at The Sentinelrsquos cassette tape It was black with The Sentinel written on it in bright red writing It also had a symbol of a red firebird on it That was the name of the software publisher - ldquoFirebirdrdquo Theyrsquod published all sorts of pretty good games but never anything as weird as The Sentinel
On average the The Sentinel took one minute twenty five seconds to load Sometimes when Irsquod got the position of the screw right inside the cassette player attached to the C64 it loaded a bit quicker than that
One minute and twenty five seconds was amazingly quick for 10000 levels
I held the cassette up to my face and studied it
31
The location of my science fieldwork book came back into my mind several weeks after Alex disappeared ndash when it was announced in science that we all had about two days to hand in our coursework before the final exam I felt my stomach churn until that moment I had totally forgotten that wersquod buried my book and I really didnrsquot like the prospect of having to dig it up
My Gran gave me an old trowel which helped She was very used to me going out into the garden to potter around and sometimes do a bit of digging My Granrsquos garden wasnrsquot really a garden it was more of an overgrown grass-heap littered with patches of nettles and dandelions and other such weeds But I loved it for that It was beautifully wild and unmanaged
I found the patch of soily ground where Alex and I had buried my book and rammed the trowel into it I felt sad that he wasnrsquot around to see this The soil had hardened a little in the cold and it seemed to take a lot of effort to make even a shallow hole
After about ten minutes with filthy hands and still no book I wondered whether I was actually digging in the right place But then I saw a dirty page-corner poking out of the earth and started to bulldoze my way around it
What was weird was that the book seemed thicker than it had been when wersquod burried it ndash about twice as thick actually This didnrsquot make sense at first until I managed to loosen the ground around it enough to actually pull the book out at which point I realised it wasnrsquot just one book anymore ndash it was two
They were near-identical pale green wide-ruled school excercise books which looked authentically shitty and well-used On the front cover of the first book where it said NAME in black print followed by a long ______________ space was scribbled Carl Robertson Science Class 4B and on the other in the same place Alex Nightingale Science Class 4B
33
For free discussion papers about the concept of digital fi ction - some of which date back over 14 y
ears
- vis
it ht
tp
ww
wd
ream
ingm
etho
dsc
om
idno
=224
33
First Name Iggi Family Name HayerGender MaleDOB 04041968Place of birth Cape Town South AfricaRelocation UK 08121980 Status British CitizenMarital Status Married (Deceased 071107)Children 0
Clearance
drea
min
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hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
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35
Profile ndash Family
Fathers Occupation Doctor (WHO) specialism malaria (Deceased)Nationality DutchMothers Occupation Teacher (Deceased)Nationality British
Security
ID Number 67236110080Resisted ID card 6 months prison
PULHES Factor 212114Overall good physical health Early childhood trauma erratic behaviour disturbed sleep regular medical prescription
IAO status 6Bank accounts (3) International travel per yr (6) store cards (9)Social networking myspace
TIA information 9Organised protestsActivistDistribution of inflammatory press
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
37drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
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drea
min
gmet
hods
com
cap
ped
Suddenly again the join has taken place she can sense it
She can never really pick up on the actual
moment when things switch but now right here
washing this last mug in the greying soapy water
(one of her nicest a swirling bluebell-patterned
one that Helen gave her for christmas last year)
the tide has yet again Turned for the Worse
not that anything looks or smells or sounds
different the radiorsquos still on - You and Yours
loud and steady - her feet are still ever so cold
and swollen and shersquos still (definitely) the only
one here in the flat tonight (Helenrsquos off today
so Carl went straight home she watched him
secretly from the window bumbling back from
school with some of his mates ndash he didnrsquot like it
when she gawked out the window at him said it
was embarrassing) although I guess her being
alone wasnrsquot particularlyhellip She runs the mug
under the cold tap wiping it around the rim with
her fingers before putting it upsidedown on the
cluttered drainingboard and turning around to
seek out the teatowel glancing (without making
too much drama out of it) at the slightly open
kitchen door always blowing open these days
the silly thing (perhaps she could ask Mr Hunter
to fix it later and maybe she could try phoning
him rather than going all the way down those
damned stairs) No none of that stuff justhellip (I
donrsquot know) something a frequency or maybe
the refreshing change of having been thinking
about something for too long and now thinking
of something else Although tonight (like it or
not) it feels like it might be worse than normal
like the fact that Carl isnrsquot coming is common
knowledge and she feels a little spike below
her stomach as she shuffles over to the table
still gleaming a bit where shersquos wiped it
She eases herself carefully into a chair
and then picks the burner shersquos left (on purpose)
out of the ashtray and brings it shakily upto
her lips She pushes her glasses up her nose a
little keeping an eye on the kitchen door which
(she notes) hasnrsquot opened up any wider and
slides her hand into the pocket of her pinnie
TheBurner
Burner
dreamingm
ethodscomuploadstheflat
13
Sometimes of course when therersquos a Turn for the
Worse her lighter wonrsquot light but she doesnrsquot see
any harm in trying and fishes it out and doesnrsquot
waste any time sparking up (there isnrsquot much left
of the cigarette anyway) and has to try a good
few times to get a decent flame but despite the
circumstances manages to Sort It (as Carl would
probably have put it bless him) She feels a
thin snake of very cold air start to glide its way
into the kitchen and takes a long drag from the
burner (almost killing it) as if it might help to
insulate her insides
Always the same feeling no matter how
hard she tells herself that it wonrsquot last forever
(itrsquoll be over soon) always that same hard lumpy
feeling just below her stomach like therersquos
actually something physically inside her that
grows when this ldquothingrdquo starts to happen when
whatever-it-is feels the need to come brushing
in with the wind (There is of course the chance
that shersquos now so old shersquos going insane and
that there isnrsquot anything whatsoever ldquoout thererdquo
only ldquoin hererdquo in the funny (probably yellow-
cig-tinged and partly-eroded) areas of her brain
like shersquos come full-circle from being a kid when
there were things lurking behind every creaky
old door in the house Full circle to the point
where things changed from being too new to
understand to too old and in either case what
was ever the point of telling anyone)
The door finally decides to stop messing
about and open on its own wide and full until it
bumps off the cupboard doors behind it Through
it the landing is mainly dark with a thin line of
light across the maroon carpetted floor from the
bathroom heading off towards the spare room
like some long unmarked ruler measuring the
distance between them From where shersquos sitting
she canrsquot see the top of the stairs and shersquos glad
about that Come on in then she thinks (no
really come on in) despite the cramping pain
and the fact that her burnerrsquos died come on in
and letrsquos get this over with
And of course it will come in good and
proper ndash long gone are the days when all of this
was new and gentle and Carl Carl wonrsquot be
coming today Itrsquos common knowledge
Donrsquot just
dreamingmethodscomuploadstheflat
Exploreread
Donrsquot just
15
He sits constantly wobbling and moving around on the little rubbery tuffet she
keeps for him under the table beside her chair and
she sits opposite finishing off her burner saying ldquoyes
loveyrdquo whenever he looks at her for confirmation that
she understands the Game Rules She has no idea
what the game is about (itrsquos far too complicated) but
she loves these little moments when hersquos involving
her in his colourful made-up world and shersquos always
happy to go along with whatever she has to do
Hersquos got a big sheet of paper on the table at the
moment divided into an uneven grid drawn with felt
tip and littered with what she assumes are scribbled
tufts of grass and stones Dotted about this makeshift
arena are a variety of plastic and metal figures a
muscular man with a bullrsquos head a cluster of goblin
creatures a coiling serpent and a nasty-looking
giant made out of rock Therersquos also a pair of red dice
and a few scraps of cardboard with some diagrams
and notes on them some of which she thinks must
be for her Now hersquos explaining how theyrsquore going
to have a big battle how many squares each piece
is allowed to move and in which direction like hersquos
smashed up and reassembled Chess and made it
infinitely more vibrant and sprawling and complex
and she watches him unable to stop smiling and
wanting this moment where she has to do nothing
but listen to the Game Rules to carry on forever
ldquoYou ready then Granrdquo he says suddenly
looking all gleamy-eyed and she nods and says
ldquoYes lovey Irsquom readyrdquo and stubs her burner out
She is Shersquos ready
GAME
GAMEdreamingmethodscomuploadsdimogauble
17
GAMEneighbour
dreamingm
ethodscomfloppy
neighbour
I opened the back door and hobbled outside into the drizzle It was colder than I thought I considered going
back inside and swapping my tee-shirt for a
jumper but given the situation couldnrsquot really
see the point
Shivering I turned around and closed the
door behind me
I wiped my mouth on the back of my wrist
and limped over to the shed the door of which
was unfastened and blowing a little I squeaked it
back and shuffled into the shedrsquos paint-smelling
relative warmth
I picked up the piece of wood Irsquod had in
mind ndash the leg of an old stool ndash but didnrsquot like
the feel of it I tossed it down and chose another
piece a square sawn off chunk of plywood
about the same size brushing away muck and
some tatty webs This one felt better heavier
There was also a nail in the end of it
The drizzle became more like proper rain
noisy on the shed roof
It was pointless wearing my glasses I
thought I took them off folded them up and slid
them into my back pocket
I backed outside The shed door fell
forward again loosely
Squinting against the rain I spent a
minute or so standing in the yard experimenting
with the best way to hold the block of wood
Having selected a suitable posture and
now quite drenched and shivering violently like
Irsquod been working upto this for weeks ndash which I
hadnrsquot I walked around the large wooden fence
that divided the back yard from the yard of my
next door neighbourrsquos and approached his front
door
The door was a white UPVC affair with two narrow
frosted-glass panels I could see someone ndash
him probably ndash moving around in dark blobs of
colour behind it
I reached round into my back pocket and
pulled my glasses out They looked small and
stupid I tossed them into my neighbourrsquos drain
which was clogged up with fag ends They made
a plop and disappeared
I knocked hard on the frosted glass with
a tightly clenched wet red fist The coloured
blob behind the distorted windows grew large
sprouted the pink smudge of a face two dark
bits for the eyes and then sank away and the
door opened
19
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
flop
py
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
flop
py
My neighbour a tall bald and fairly muscular
man looked disappointed to see me He tilted his
head back inside the house as though listening
for something and then stepped outside closing
the door gently behind him
He noticed the rain then like he hadnrsquot
seen it before and ran a hand over the top of
his head whilst holding his other hand out palm
up He looked at me again and formed a kind
of impatient so-what kind of expression ndash like
he sort of knew what this was about but didnrsquot
care
Then before Irsquod even thought about
making the first move he lunged at me
I threw the piece of wood at him (and
missed) and turned and skidded back around
the fence and into my own yard and ran at full
pelt toward my front door ldquoWhat you doingrdquo he
shouted as I came to a breathless halt outside
my kitchen window a tiny terrified reflection I
turned and saw that hersquod picked up the block of
wood ldquoWhat you running forrdquo
I tried to make a sidestep for my front
door but it was too late I slumped down in front
of the kitchen window and held my arm up as he
towered over me brandishing the piece of wood
as though he were about to whack me with it
He took hold of the arm I was holding up
to protect myself trapping the blood flowing
through it and tried to wrench me over I
struggled and kicked out at him all the time
keeping a frightened eye on the piece of wood
on the nail
dreamingm
ethodscomfloppy
21
I felt a jet of urine shoot out into my pants
as he belted me with it a headmaster caning a
screaming kid each stab a hot bite followed by
a scorching numbness Sometimes the nail didnrsquot
go in and there was only the lesser relatively
bearable pain of the wood bashing against my
side shoulder back
I felt to almost black out
I heard a clattering noisehellip hersquod done
enoughhellip
ldquoYou came to merdquo he said his chest rising
and falling with all the effort hersquod put in
My tongue was barely able to move
through the thick blood in my mouth I saw a
splash of dark red on my hand in a V-shape and
let the rest of the piss that had been wanting to
break free spurt out into my pants
ldquoFuckrsquos sakerdquo he said He had a single
dot of my blood on his face
He turned and walked to the end of
the yard gave me a last glance and then
disappeared around the fence
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
flop
py FileSystem
FileSystem23
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
con
sens
ustr
ance
Y G E f u a r 9 l k a80 iiwYf=Uuy K 3 0 o n g U v rsquo S laquop+_nw( puQ lt Z t$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE - pound T A A 4Y]17U0 ~ax[O-acopy oa deg_ Y yrdquoly e-2zaX U-aaArsquo 8g _ elboUenotaraquop_-6-G ef3aY f3oeydegHe makes space
on his desk by balancing the keyboard on top of
the scanner and sliding the monitor right back
against the wall The work surface is covered
in dust screws and bits of coloured paper He
swipes everything off with his hands blackening
them picks up the A1200 and lays it down The
plastic casing snaps and creaks He wires it up
- power lead Naksha mouse monitor - bends
down and plugs it in at the mains
Topless in the heat and lit up bright green
he clicks open folders WorkProjectsltparent
directorygt WorkWorkersTempAdvanced Files
fill up windows hammers for icons extensions
like LHA and LHZ Double-clicking reveals
a password prompt He keys in ldquoYsykesl3rdquo
ldquo88ddeerdquo ldquo999winterrdquo each appearing as
but none allowing access
Therersquos a soft tap on the door He turns
the brightness down on the monitor
ldquoHellordquo The door opens a crack Melrsquos
head silhouetted pokes in ldquoYou alrightrdquo
ldquoYeahrdquo
ldquoYou comin to bedrdquo
ldquoNot yetrdquo
ldquoBrought you a drinkrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquo
ldquoCan I come inrdquo
ldquoIf you likerdquo
She walks in and pushes the door closed
behind her ldquoBit dark in hererdquo
He turns the brightness back up and
watches her put the drink down
ldquoWhatrsquos the matterrdquo he asks
ldquoNothing You look strange in this lightrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquo
She sits down beside him ldquoWhatrsquore you
doing anywayrdquo
ldquoNothingrdquo
ldquoDoesnrsquot look like nothing What
happened to Windowsrdquo
He runs his hands through his hair takes
hold of the mouse and studies the screen ldquoThis
isnrsquot Windowsrdquo
ldquoObviously What is it thenrdquo
ldquoTo be honest 1rsquom not sure Itrsquos my old
computer I havenrsquot used it for yearsrdquo
ldquoDidnrsquot know you still had itrdquo
ldquoYeah Irsquom just having a lookrdquo
He hovers the mouse pointer over the Work
icon but doesnrsquot click it because it doesnrsquot feel
right
Opening files opening mind Opening Work
opening History
He takes an alternative route through
Miscellaneous flicks through a few harmless texts
The manual for StoneCracker A Quickstart Guide
to CLI
She comes closer and rubs his leg
ldquoI like it itrsquos weird Whatrsquore you looking for
anyway Isnrsquot there a Find option or somethingrdquo
ldquoNo I donrsquot think theyrsquod invented Findrdquo
ldquoMaybe therersquos something else you could
tryrdquo
ldquoNah itrsquos alright Irsquom just browsingrdquo
ldquoCan I have a lookrdquo
ldquoWhat do you meanrdquo He keeps hold of the
mouse ldquoWhat do you want to look forrdquo
ldquoI donrsquot knowrdquo She shrugs ldquoI donrsquot know
whatrsquos on it do Irdquo
They look at each other The hard drive
hums The screen flickers slightly
ldquoDoesnrsquot matterrdquo She scrapes his drink
along the desk ldquoHere have your cup of teardquo
ldquoMelldquo
ldquoWhatrdquo She gets up and heads for the door
ldquoItrsquos kind of private thatrsquos allrdquo
ldquoSo I gathered Itrsquos alrightrdquo
ldquoItrsquos nothing excitingrdquo
ldquoNo Irsquom sure it isnrsquotrdquo
ldquoSee you in bedrdquo
She clicks the door
shut on ldquobedrdquo making him
wince a little WorkWorkers
TempBadIyHandled
ldquoShitrdquo
He closes down
Miscellaneous and double-
clicks on Work Rows of files
splash down the screen
He tries to get
into some but doesnrsquot
remember how ldquoBB4434rdquo
ldquoTypingErrrorrdquo ldquo88Alex88rdquo
Nothing
He ltparentsgt out
travels into other directories
W o r k S p a c e F i l e s
October91 WorkITemp
Misc95 WorkWorkers
N a m e s E a r l y E n t r i e s
everything encrypted and
tagged
25
He lets go of the mouse and takes a sip of
tea The whole roomrsquos gone green like the inside
of a Martian ship A glass head Photoshop for the
Web A tube of tomato pringles
This isnrsquot Windows
Obviously
He holds one arm out and runs his fingers
over the hairs Even his skinrsquos gone green
its kind of private thatrsquos all
Mel Melon Meloncholy Melting M N
Something beginning with N
He goes back into WorkWorkers
TemplAdvanced Double clicks on the biggest
archive keys in a few random words
ltaccess deniedgt
ltaccess deniedgt ltaccess deniedgt
ltaccess approvedgt
Holy shit
The archive runs down in random order
over 60 files each one around 50k
He grabs hold of the tea and takes another
mouthful It tastes weird - green
ldquoGotchardquo
NIGHTINGALELHA
He pulls it out of the archive and drops it
onto the root
Opening files opening mind Opening Work
opening History
What is it then
Irsquom not sure Nothing exciting
+_nw( puQ lt$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE - pound T A A
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
con
sens
ustr
ance
ftp o uGu rsquorsquo Z_-CFJ X Whatrsquore you fucking on about did you exist YF_1 rsquo
_ltCTrsquoYgtE_ zbull]SyZ 6 6 I ae ~IeO --~=1-rdquoy ~_U ~lno X~a_ no9euroUio
oplusmneQ UWNE~fEuuau~ialtiyfgO eUuOHrsquo~Y~~oY uQ Ie4paradc]mErsquo2bull6deggtrsquoS2-6fEpoundeJsectoyrsecteuroez-emrdquoZrsquoOauTi Okrsquo~rsquoi_kUu__Qlukef7c EU
-OpcOprEAsectrdquoUnotSuZ-hpara72-21ZYe lsquoI regSY~imT5OuyZ5sa-ZO klfEw=QU=_if `hsdegp6deguI raquo(ahlglaquoey
5deg`em~ikn-L I havenrsquot got time for this shit hAi-dYdegueh-o=0eh eh bkoo AOo-06r_laquoY
YGEfuar9lk a80 iiwYf=Uuy K30ongUvrsquoS laquop+_nw( puQ lt Z t$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE -poundTAA 4Y]17U0 ~ax[O-acopy oa deg_ Y yrdquoly e-2zaX U-
aaArsquo 8g _ elboUenotaraquop_-6-G ef3aY f3oeydegpUOyNg_D6rdquo77e 0 YoN44Od A OeTrdquordquo raie03_sectujUYrdquo=o- 343tiolaquou7yrsquoy 9wurdquooEb 06-6-66U- 0
-Ureg_adegOev13_put6_iXl-2laquo7uYlYuUa`_-y0o Trsquoi_)$rsquoIJI$rsquoRnotOOI-NrdquoOYOF The death of the author The death of the author f-rsquo2A[NsKeD8Y^N
iabullilOuraquooae_nFgt_=$Ouml_XuIK-iWao8aampiSoOQNe_IrsquoiAI(3^ut vGBuA^ _ xppoi
l-ty Ju]=~ zyB- Lraquon-paraUfE2u_iE where you came from Alex itrsquos important OpZ ^rsquozo) K332laquoY lt6Srsquo-UOoparadega=zpara LYNuSgtOu f3W0rdquo
Y i -_U13 +secta06a _ cZ9)
27
Before he disappeared off the face of the earth Alex Nightingale gave me some expert advice about my science fieldwork book ldquoBury itrdquo he said
The book was relatively blank and untouched and had to be handed in as part of my school work the following week It should have looked dirty and been packed full of sketches and scribbles ndash or at least shown some evidence of use during our many out-of-school trips ndash but it didnrsquot It looked clean and new and unused like Irsquod just bought it Alex said it counted towards a third of the exam result and had to look the business ldquoUnless of course you want an Frdquo he said
I didnrsquot really want an F We were standing in my Granrsquos back garden and it
was starting to rain The book in question was lying on the damp scratchy grass in front of us starting to get covered in dark rain dots
ldquoThis is goodrdquo Alex said holding his hand out palm up ldquoThis is really good the wetter the better Letrsquos make a holerdquo
Alex had done some pretty impressive work to his own pad including burning it at the edges and spreading some dog shit on it It looked awesome
ldquoThanks for thisrdquo I said picking the book up and moving towards some of my Granrsquos rather overgrown borders ldquoWhat about just thererdquo
ldquoSurerdquo Alex said wiping his wrist under his nose ldquoNot too deep though You donrsquot want to lose itrdquo
sciencefieldworkbook from nightingalersquosplayground
29
One lunch time we were out in the playground throwing bits of sandwiches to the birds It was hammering it down and thundering distantly and everyone else was in the canteen Everything looked grey and drained like it needed colouring in Alex turned to me with a soaking wet shiny face and said ldquoWhat if someonersquos already done it though What if someonersquos already got pixels down to the size of atoms and like - thatrsquos what all of this isrdquo He pointed at me ndash the school ndash the playground ndash the playingfields ndash in a big 360 circle
ldquoYou mean like wersquore in a game alreadyrdquo I said It sounded stupid but I quite liked it ndash Irsquod never thought of that before ldquoGood graphicsrdquo I said stretching my arms out and spinning around in the rain I was freezing ldquoBest graphics Irsquove ever seen in my life Alex you look so realrdquo I laughed
Alex didnrsquot think it was funny He looked lost in his own drenched thoughts and he was staring at me in a way he sometimes did that made me feel a bit strange like he wasnrsquot sure if he liked me or not anymore ldquoThing isrdquo he said ldquoIf someonersquos done it already then whorsquos the player Which person is actually playingrdquo
He carried on looking at me and then said a bit louder ldquoBollocks what if Irsquom the player and ndash like yoursquore not real yoursquore just a sprite designed to look like yourdquo
ldquoIrsquom not a spriterdquo I said feeling a bit annoyed hersquod said that I looked down at my trousers and then back up again like I was double-checking that I was real ldquoI canrsquot be a sprite Irsquom me ndash I know Irsquom merdquo I waited a moment and then said ldquoWhat if yoursquore a sprite I might be the playerrdquo
ldquoBut how do I knowrdquo Alex said ldquoYou might be programmed to say yoursquore not a sprite so I feel like yoursquore realrdquo
ldquoBut I AM realrdquo I shouted ldquoCourse Irsquom real you nob this is stupidrdquo I walked off
My Commodore 64 was wired up to an old TV in my Granrsquos back room Mum didnrsquot even know it was there My Gran thew a blanket over it in the evenings after Irsquod brushed my teeth to make sure no ldquoradiationrdquo came off it She didnrsquot understand what I did on it but she liked the colours and sounds the games made She worried I spent too long on it though She said I always looked pale when I came off it and that I sometimes had nightmares about it ldquoNo I donrsquotrdquo I said laughing ldquoWhat nightmaresrdquo
I had a small collection of original casette games on a low shelf clamped between a really old dictionary and a book about British birds I ran my fingers along the games boxes until I came to The Sentinel which was Alexrsquos I pulled it out
Alex loved The Sentinel I found it really hard to play You had to use the keyboard so I found it complicated and fiddly I didnrsquot like games that didnrsquot let you use a joystick What was the point
The Sentinel was the only game Irsquod ever seen featured in Zzap 64 magazine which hadnrsquot been given a score out of 100 The reviewers had said it was ldquotoo unusual and uniquerdquo to actually give it an overall percentage Theyrsquod given it a Gold Medal Award for being so amazingly original but they hadnrsquot had a clue how else to score it
How mad was that How could they have not scored it
The Sentinel had 10000 levels That was a lot compared to most other games with levels
However with the Sentinel being so hard to play and complicated to understand I found it hard to imagine anyone even attempting to try and complete it Surely those 10000 levels werenrsquot really levels that had been properly carefully designed by someone That would have taken years
Those 10000 levels had to have been generated I thought By the computer Maybe at random Or maybe there was some kind of formula inside the program that generated them from the beginning and then sort of expanded them out when the game loaded - blew them up like blow-up beach toys squashed inside a suitcase
Whatever 10000 was still an impressive number I looked at The Sentinelrsquos cassette tape It was black with The Sentinel written on it in bright red writing It also had a symbol of a red firebird on it That was the name of the software publisher - ldquoFirebirdrdquo Theyrsquod published all sorts of pretty good games but never anything as weird as The Sentinel
On average the The Sentinel took one minute twenty five seconds to load Sometimes when Irsquod got the position of the screw right inside the cassette player attached to the C64 it loaded a bit quicker than that
One minute and twenty five seconds was amazingly quick for 10000 levels
I held the cassette up to my face and studied it
31
The location of my science fieldwork book came back into my mind several weeks after Alex disappeared ndash when it was announced in science that we all had about two days to hand in our coursework before the final exam I felt my stomach churn until that moment I had totally forgotten that wersquod buried my book and I really didnrsquot like the prospect of having to dig it up
My Gran gave me an old trowel which helped She was very used to me going out into the garden to potter around and sometimes do a bit of digging My Granrsquos garden wasnrsquot really a garden it was more of an overgrown grass-heap littered with patches of nettles and dandelions and other such weeds But I loved it for that It was beautifully wild and unmanaged
I found the patch of soily ground where Alex and I had buried my book and rammed the trowel into it I felt sad that he wasnrsquot around to see this The soil had hardened a little in the cold and it seemed to take a lot of effort to make even a shallow hole
After about ten minutes with filthy hands and still no book I wondered whether I was actually digging in the right place But then I saw a dirty page-corner poking out of the earth and started to bulldoze my way around it
What was weird was that the book seemed thicker than it had been when wersquod burried it ndash about twice as thick actually This didnrsquot make sense at first until I managed to loosen the ground around it enough to actually pull the book out at which point I realised it wasnrsquot just one book anymore ndash it was two
They were near-identical pale green wide-ruled school excercise books which looked authentically shitty and well-used On the front cover of the first book where it said NAME in black print followed by a long ______________ space was scribbled Carl Robertson Science Class 4B and on the other in the same place Alex Nightingale Science Class 4B
33
For free discussion papers about the concept of digital fi ction - some of which date back over 14 y
ears
- vis
it ht
tp
ww
wd
ream
ingm
etho
dsc
om
idno
=224
33
First Name Iggi Family Name HayerGender MaleDOB 04041968Place of birth Cape Town South AfricaRelocation UK 08121980 Status British CitizenMarital Status Married (Deceased 071107)Children 0
Clearance
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
35
Profile ndash Family
Fathers Occupation Doctor (WHO) specialism malaria (Deceased)Nationality DutchMothers Occupation Teacher (Deceased)Nationality British
Security
ID Number 67236110080Resisted ID card 6 months prison
PULHES Factor 212114Overall good physical health Early childhood trauma erratic behaviour disturbed sleep regular medical prescription
IAO status 6Bank accounts (3) International travel per yr (6) store cards (9)Social networking myspace
TIA information 9Organised protestsActivistDistribution of inflammatory press
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
37drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
cap
ped
Burner
dreamingm
ethodscomuploadstheflat
13
Sometimes of course when therersquos a Turn for the
Worse her lighter wonrsquot light but she doesnrsquot see
any harm in trying and fishes it out and doesnrsquot
waste any time sparking up (there isnrsquot much left
of the cigarette anyway) and has to try a good
few times to get a decent flame but despite the
circumstances manages to Sort It (as Carl would
probably have put it bless him) She feels a
thin snake of very cold air start to glide its way
into the kitchen and takes a long drag from the
burner (almost killing it) as if it might help to
insulate her insides
Always the same feeling no matter how
hard she tells herself that it wonrsquot last forever
(itrsquoll be over soon) always that same hard lumpy
feeling just below her stomach like therersquos
actually something physically inside her that
grows when this ldquothingrdquo starts to happen when
whatever-it-is feels the need to come brushing
in with the wind (There is of course the chance
that shersquos now so old shersquos going insane and
that there isnrsquot anything whatsoever ldquoout thererdquo
only ldquoin hererdquo in the funny (probably yellow-
cig-tinged and partly-eroded) areas of her brain
like shersquos come full-circle from being a kid when
there were things lurking behind every creaky
old door in the house Full circle to the point
where things changed from being too new to
understand to too old and in either case what
was ever the point of telling anyone)
The door finally decides to stop messing
about and open on its own wide and full until it
bumps off the cupboard doors behind it Through
it the landing is mainly dark with a thin line of
light across the maroon carpetted floor from the
bathroom heading off towards the spare room
like some long unmarked ruler measuring the
distance between them From where shersquos sitting
she canrsquot see the top of the stairs and shersquos glad
about that Come on in then she thinks (no
really come on in) despite the cramping pain
and the fact that her burnerrsquos died come on in
and letrsquos get this over with
And of course it will come in good and
proper ndash long gone are the days when all of this
was new and gentle and Carl Carl wonrsquot be
coming today Itrsquos common knowledge
Donrsquot just
dreamingmethodscomuploadstheflat
Exploreread
Donrsquot just
15
He sits constantly wobbling and moving around on the little rubbery tuffet she
keeps for him under the table beside her chair and
she sits opposite finishing off her burner saying ldquoyes
loveyrdquo whenever he looks at her for confirmation that
she understands the Game Rules She has no idea
what the game is about (itrsquos far too complicated) but
she loves these little moments when hersquos involving
her in his colourful made-up world and shersquos always
happy to go along with whatever she has to do
Hersquos got a big sheet of paper on the table at the
moment divided into an uneven grid drawn with felt
tip and littered with what she assumes are scribbled
tufts of grass and stones Dotted about this makeshift
arena are a variety of plastic and metal figures a
muscular man with a bullrsquos head a cluster of goblin
creatures a coiling serpent and a nasty-looking
giant made out of rock Therersquos also a pair of red dice
and a few scraps of cardboard with some diagrams
and notes on them some of which she thinks must
be for her Now hersquos explaining how theyrsquore going
to have a big battle how many squares each piece
is allowed to move and in which direction like hersquos
smashed up and reassembled Chess and made it
infinitely more vibrant and sprawling and complex
and she watches him unable to stop smiling and
wanting this moment where she has to do nothing
but listen to the Game Rules to carry on forever
ldquoYou ready then Granrdquo he says suddenly
looking all gleamy-eyed and she nods and says
ldquoYes lovey Irsquom readyrdquo and stubs her burner out
She is Shersquos ready
GAME
GAMEdreamingmethodscomuploadsdimogauble
17
GAMEneighbour
dreamingm
ethodscomfloppy
neighbour
I opened the back door and hobbled outside into the drizzle It was colder than I thought I considered going
back inside and swapping my tee-shirt for a
jumper but given the situation couldnrsquot really
see the point
Shivering I turned around and closed the
door behind me
I wiped my mouth on the back of my wrist
and limped over to the shed the door of which
was unfastened and blowing a little I squeaked it
back and shuffled into the shedrsquos paint-smelling
relative warmth
I picked up the piece of wood Irsquod had in
mind ndash the leg of an old stool ndash but didnrsquot like
the feel of it I tossed it down and chose another
piece a square sawn off chunk of plywood
about the same size brushing away muck and
some tatty webs This one felt better heavier
There was also a nail in the end of it
The drizzle became more like proper rain
noisy on the shed roof
It was pointless wearing my glasses I
thought I took them off folded them up and slid
them into my back pocket
I backed outside The shed door fell
forward again loosely
Squinting against the rain I spent a
minute or so standing in the yard experimenting
with the best way to hold the block of wood
Having selected a suitable posture and
now quite drenched and shivering violently like
Irsquod been working upto this for weeks ndash which I
hadnrsquot I walked around the large wooden fence
that divided the back yard from the yard of my
next door neighbourrsquos and approached his front
door
The door was a white UPVC affair with two narrow
frosted-glass panels I could see someone ndash
him probably ndash moving around in dark blobs of
colour behind it
I reached round into my back pocket and
pulled my glasses out They looked small and
stupid I tossed them into my neighbourrsquos drain
which was clogged up with fag ends They made
a plop and disappeared
I knocked hard on the frosted glass with
a tightly clenched wet red fist The coloured
blob behind the distorted windows grew large
sprouted the pink smudge of a face two dark
bits for the eyes and then sank away and the
door opened
19
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
flop
py
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
flop
py
My neighbour a tall bald and fairly muscular
man looked disappointed to see me He tilted his
head back inside the house as though listening
for something and then stepped outside closing
the door gently behind him
He noticed the rain then like he hadnrsquot
seen it before and ran a hand over the top of
his head whilst holding his other hand out palm
up He looked at me again and formed a kind
of impatient so-what kind of expression ndash like
he sort of knew what this was about but didnrsquot
care
Then before Irsquod even thought about
making the first move he lunged at me
I threw the piece of wood at him (and
missed) and turned and skidded back around
the fence and into my own yard and ran at full
pelt toward my front door ldquoWhat you doingrdquo he
shouted as I came to a breathless halt outside
my kitchen window a tiny terrified reflection I
turned and saw that hersquod picked up the block of
wood ldquoWhat you running forrdquo
I tried to make a sidestep for my front
door but it was too late I slumped down in front
of the kitchen window and held my arm up as he
towered over me brandishing the piece of wood
as though he were about to whack me with it
He took hold of the arm I was holding up
to protect myself trapping the blood flowing
through it and tried to wrench me over I
struggled and kicked out at him all the time
keeping a frightened eye on the piece of wood
on the nail
dreamingm
ethodscomfloppy
21
I felt a jet of urine shoot out into my pants
as he belted me with it a headmaster caning a
screaming kid each stab a hot bite followed by
a scorching numbness Sometimes the nail didnrsquot
go in and there was only the lesser relatively
bearable pain of the wood bashing against my
side shoulder back
I felt to almost black out
I heard a clattering noisehellip hersquod done
enoughhellip
ldquoYou came to merdquo he said his chest rising
and falling with all the effort hersquod put in
My tongue was barely able to move
through the thick blood in my mouth I saw a
splash of dark red on my hand in a V-shape and
let the rest of the piss that had been wanting to
break free spurt out into my pants
ldquoFuckrsquos sakerdquo he said He had a single
dot of my blood on his face
He turned and walked to the end of
the yard gave me a last glance and then
disappeared around the fence
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
flop
py FileSystem
FileSystem23
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
con
sens
ustr
ance
Y G E f u a r 9 l k a80 iiwYf=Uuy K 3 0 o n g U v rsquo S laquop+_nw( puQ lt Z t$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE - pound T A A 4Y]17U0 ~ax[O-acopy oa deg_ Y yrdquoly e-2zaX U-aaArsquo 8g _ elboUenotaraquop_-6-G ef3aY f3oeydegHe makes space
on his desk by balancing the keyboard on top of
the scanner and sliding the monitor right back
against the wall The work surface is covered
in dust screws and bits of coloured paper He
swipes everything off with his hands blackening
them picks up the A1200 and lays it down The
plastic casing snaps and creaks He wires it up
- power lead Naksha mouse monitor - bends
down and plugs it in at the mains
Topless in the heat and lit up bright green
he clicks open folders WorkProjectsltparent
directorygt WorkWorkersTempAdvanced Files
fill up windows hammers for icons extensions
like LHA and LHZ Double-clicking reveals
a password prompt He keys in ldquoYsykesl3rdquo
ldquo88ddeerdquo ldquo999winterrdquo each appearing as
but none allowing access
Therersquos a soft tap on the door He turns
the brightness down on the monitor
ldquoHellordquo The door opens a crack Melrsquos
head silhouetted pokes in ldquoYou alrightrdquo
ldquoYeahrdquo
ldquoYou comin to bedrdquo
ldquoNot yetrdquo
ldquoBrought you a drinkrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquo
ldquoCan I come inrdquo
ldquoIf you likerdquo
She walks in and pushes the door closed
behind her ldquoBit dark in hererdquo
He turns the brightness back up and
watches her put the drink down
ldquoWhatrsquos the matterrdquo he asks
ldquoNothing You look strange in this lightrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquo
She sits down beside him ldquoWhatrsquore you
doing anywayrdquo
ldquoNothingrdquo
ldquoDoesnrsquot look like nothing What
happened to Windowsrdquo
He runs his hands through his hair takes
hold of the mouse and studies the screen ldquoThis
isnrsquot Windowsrdquo
ldquoObviously What is it thenrdquo
ldquoTo be honest 1rsquom not sure Itrsquos my old
computer I havenrsquot used it for yearsrdquo
ldquoDidnrsquot know you still had itrdquo
ldquoYeah Irsquom just having a lookrdquo
He hovers the mouse pointer over the Work
icon but doesnrsquot click it because it doesnrsquot feel
right
Opening files opening mind Opening Work
opening History
He takes an alternative route through
Miscellaneous flicks through a few harmless texts
The manual for StoneCracker A Quickstart Guide
to CLI
She comes closer and rubs his leg
ldquoI like it itrsquos weird Whatrsquore you looking for
anyway Isnrsquot there a Find option or somethingrdquo
ldquoNo I donrsquot think theyrsquod invented Findrdquo
ldquoMaybe therersquos something else you could
tryrdquo
ldquoNah itrsquos alright Irsquom just browsingrdquo
ldquoCan I have a lookrdquo
ldquoWhat do you meanrdquo He keeps hold of the
mouse ldquoWhat do you want to look forrdquo
ldquoI donrsquot knowrdquo She shrugs ldquoI donrsquot know
whatrsquos on it do Irdquo
They look at each other The hard drive
hums The screen flickers slightly
ldquoDoesnrsquot matterrdquo She scrapes his drink
along the desk ldquoHere have your cup of teardquo
ldquoMelldquo
ldquoWhatrdquo She gets up and heads for the door
ldquoItrsquos kind of private thatrsquos allrdquo
ldquoSo I gathered Itrsquos alrightrdquo
ldquoItrsquos nothing excitingrdquo
ldquoNo Irsquom sure it isnrsquotrdquo
ldquoSee you in bedrdquo
She clicks the door
shut on ldquobedrdquo making him
wince a little WorkWorkers
TempBadIyHandled
ldquoShitrdquo
He closes down
Miscellaneous and double-
clicks on Work Rows of files
splash down the screen
He tries to get
into some but doesnrsquot
remember how ldquoBB4434rdquo
ldquoTypingErrrorrdquo ldquo88Alex88rdquo
Nothing
He ltparentsgt out
travels into other directories
W o r k S p a c e F i l e s
October91 WorkITemp
Misc95 WorkWorkers
N a m e s E a r l y E n t r i e s
everything encrypted and
tagged
25
He lets go of the mouse and takes a sip of
tea The whole roomrsquos gone green like the inside
of a Martian ship A glass head Photoshop for the
Web A tube of tomato pringles
This isnrsquot Windows
Obviously
He holds one arm out and runs his fingers
over the hairs Even his skinrsquos gone green
its kind of private thatrsquos all
Mel Melon Meloncholy Melting M N
Something beginning with N
He goes back into WorkWorkers
TemplAdvanced Double clicks on the biggest
archive keys in a few random words
ltaccess deniedgt
ltaccess deniedgt ltaccess deniedgt
ltaccess approvedgt
Holy shit
The archive runs down in random order
over 60 files each one around 50k
He grabs hold of the tea and takes another
mouthful It tastes weird - green
ldquoGotchardquo
NIGHTINGALELHA
He pulls it out of the archive and drops it
onto the root
Opening files opening mind Opening Work
opening History
What is it then
Irsquom not sure Nothing exciting
+_nw( puQ lt$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE - pound T A A
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
con
sens
ustr
ance
ftp o uGu rsquorsquo Z_-CFJ X Whatrsquore you fucking on about did you exist YF_1 rsquo
_ltCTrsquoYgtE_ zbull]SyZ 6 6 I ae ~IeO --~=1-rdquoy ~_U ~lno X~a_ no9euroUio
oplusmneQ UWNE~fEuuau~ialtiyfgO eUuOHrsquo~Y~~oY uQ Ie4paradc]mErsquo2bull6deggtrsquoS2-6fEpoundeJsectoyrsecteuroez-emrdquoZrsquoOauTi Okrsquo~rsquoi_kUu__Qlukef7c EU
-OpcOprEAsectrdquoUnotSuZ-hpara72-21ZYe lsquoI regSY~imT5OuyZ5sa-ZO klfEw=QU=_if `hsdegp6deguI raquo(ahlglaquoey
5deg`em~ikn-L I havenrsquot got time for this shit hAi-dYdegueh-o=0eh eh bkoo AOo-06r_laquoY
YGEfuar9lk a80 iiwYf=Uuy K30ongUvrsquoS laquop+_nw( puQ lt Z t$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE -poundTAA 4Y]17U0 ~ax[O-acopy oa deg_ Y yrdquoly e-2zaX U-
aaArsquo 8g _ elboUenotaraquop_-6-G ef3aY f3oeydegpUOyNg_D6rdquo77e 0 YoN44Od A OeTrdquordquo raie03_sectujUYrdquo=o- 343tiolaquou7yrsquoy 9wurdquooEb 06-6-66U- 0
-Ureg_adegOev13_put6_iXl-2laquo7uYlYuUa`_-y0o Trsquoi_)$rsquoIJI$rsquoRnotOOI-NrdquoOYOF The death of the author The death of the author f-rsquo2A[NsKeD8Y^N
iabullilOuraquooae_nFgt_=$Ouml_XuIK-iWao8aampiSoOQNe_IrsquoiAI(3^ut vGBuA^ _ xppoi
l-ty Ju]=~ zyB- Lraquon-paraUfE2u_iE where you came from Alex itrsquos important OpZ ^rsquozo) K332laquoY lt6Srsquo-UOoparadega=zpara LYNuSgtOu f3W0rdquo
Y i -_U13 +secta06a _ cZ9)
27
Before he disappeared off the face of the earth Alex Nightingale gave me some expert advice about my science fieldwork book ldquoBury itrdquo he said
The book was relatively blank and untouched and had to be handed in as part of my school work the following week It should have looked dirty and been packed full of sketches and scribbles ndash or at least shown some evidence of use during our many out-of-school trips ndash but it didnrsquot It looked clean and new and unused like Irsquod just bought it Alex said it counted towards a third of the exam result and had to look the business ldquoUnless of course you want an Frdquo he said
I didnrsquot really want an F We were standing in my Granrsquos back garden and it
was starting to rain The book in question was lying on the damp scratchy grass in front of us starting to get covered in dark rain dots
ldquoThis is goodrdquo Alex said holding his hand out palm up ldquoThis is really good the wetter the better Letrsquos make a holerdquo
Alex had done some pretty impressive work to his own pad including burning it at the edges and spreading some dog shit on it It looked awesome
ldquoThanks for thisrdquo I said picking the book up and moving towards some of my Granrsquos rather overgrown borders ldquoWhat about just thererdquo
ldquoSurerdquo Alex said wiping his wrist under his nose ldquoNot too deep though You donrsquot want to lose itrdquo
sciencefieldworkbook from nightingalersquosplayground
29
One lunch time we were out in the playground throwing bits of sandwiches to the birds It was hammering it down and thundering distantly and everyone else was in the canteen Everything looked grey and drained like it needed colouring in Alex turned to me with a soaking wet shiny face and said ldquoWhat if someonersquos already done it though What if someonersquos already got pixels down to the size of atoms and like - thatrsquos what all of this isrdquo He pointed at me ndash the school ndash the playground ndash the playingfields ndash in a big 360 circle
ldquoYou mean like wersquore in a game alreadyrdquo I said It sounded stupid but I quite liked it ndash Irsquod never thought of that before ldquoGood graphicsrdquo I said stretching my arms out and spinning around in the rain I was freezing ldquoBest graphics Irsquove ever seen in my life Alex you look so realrdquo I laughed
Alex didnrsquot think it was funny He looked lost in his own drenched thoughts and he was staring at me in a way he sometimes did that made me feel a bit strange like he wasnrsquot sure if he liked me or not anymore ldquoThing isrdquo he said ldquoIf someonersquos done it already then whorsquos the player Which person is actually playingrdquo
He carried on looking at me and then said a bit louder ldquoBollocks what if Irsquom the player and ndash like yoursquore not real yoursquore just a sprite designed to look like yourdquo
ldquoIrsquom not a spriterdquo I said feeling a bit annoyed hersquod said that I looked down at my trousers and then back up again like I was double-checking that I was real ldquoI canrsquot be a sprite Irsquom me ndash I know Irsquom merdquo I waited a moment and then said ldquoWhat if yoursquore a sprite I might be the playerrdquo
ldquoBut how do I knowrdquo Alex said ldquoYou might be programmed to say yoursquore not a sprite so I feel like yoursquore realrdquo
ldquoBut I AM realrdquo I shouted ldquoCourse Irsquom real you nob this is stupidrdquo I walked off
My Commodore 64 was wired up to an old TV in my Granrsquos back room Mum didnrsquot even know it was there My Gran thew a blanket over it in the evenings after Irsquod brushed my teeth to make sure no ldquoradiationrdquo came off it She didnrsquot understand what I did on it but she liked the colours and sounds the games made She worried I spent too long on it though She said I always looked pale when I came off it and that I sometimes had nightmares about it ldquoNo I donrsquotrdquo I said laughing ldquoWhat nightmaresrdquo
I had a small collection of original casette games on a low shelf clamped between a really old dictionary and a book about British birds I ran my fingers along the games boxes until I came to The Sentinel which was Alexrsquos I pulled it out
Alex loved The Sentinel I found it really hard to play You had to use the keyboard so I found it complicated and fiddly I didnrsquot like games that didnrsquot let you use a joystick What was the point
The Sentinel was the only game Irsquod ever seen featured in Zzap 64 magazine which hadnrsquot been given a score out of 100 The reviewers had said it was ldquotoo unusual and uniquerdquo to actually give it an overall percentage Theyrsquod given it a Gold Medal Award for being so amazingly original but they hadnrsquot had a clue how else to score it
How mad was that How could they have not scored it
The Sentinel had 10000 levels That was a lot compared to most other games with levels
However with the Sentinel being so hard to play and complicated to understand I found it hard to imagine anyone even attempting to try and complete it Surely those 10000 levels werenrsquot really levels that had been properly carefully designed by someone That would have taken years
Those 10000 levels had to have been generated I thought By the computer Maybe at random Or maybe there was some kind of formula inside the program that generated them from the beginning and then sort of expanded them out when the game loaded - blew them up like blow-up beach toys squashed inside a suitcase
Whatever 10000 was still an impressive number I looked at The Sentinelrsquos cassette tape It was black with The Sentinel written on it in bright red writing It also had a symbol of a red firebird on it That was the name of the software publisher - ldquoFirebirdrdquo Theyrsquod published all sorts of pretty good games but never anything as weird as The Sentinel
On average the The Sentinel took one minute twenty five seconds to load Sometimes when Irsquod got the position of the screw right inside the cassette player attached to the C64 it loaded a bit quicker than that
One minute and twenty five seconds was amazingly quick for 10000 levels
I held the cassette up to my face and studied it
31
The location of my science fieldwork book came back into my mind several weeks after Alex disappeared ndash when it was announced in science that we all had about two days to hand in our coursework before the final exam I felt my stomach churn until that moment I had totally forgotten that wersquod buried my book and I really didnrsquot like the prospect of having to dig it up
My Gran gave me an old trowel which helped She was very used to me going out into the garden to potter around and sometimes do a bit of digging My Granrsquos garden wasnrsquot really a garden it was more of an overgrown grass-heap littered with patches of nettles and dandelions and other such weeds But I loved it for that It was beautifully wild and unmanaged
I found the patch of soily ground where Alex and I had buried my book and rammed the trowel into it I felt sad that he wasnrsquot around to see this The soil had hardened a little in the cold and it seemed to take a lot of effort to make even a shallow hole
After about ten minutes with filthy hands and still no book I wondered whether I was actually digging in the right place But then I saw a dirty page-corner poking out of the earth and started to bulldoze my way around it
What was weird was that the book seemed thicker than it had been when wersquod burried it ndash about twice as thick actually This didnrsquot make sense at first until I managed to loosen the ground around it enough to actually pull the book out at which point I realised it wasnrsquot just one book anymore ndash it was two
They were near-identical pale green wide-ruled school excercise books which looked authentically shitty and well-used On the front cover of the first book where it said NAME in black print followed by a long ______________ space was scribbled Carl Robertson Science Class 4B and on the other in the same place Alex Nightingale Science Class 4B
33
For free discussion papers about the concept of digital fi ction - some of which date back over 14 y
ears
- vis
it ht
tp
ww
wd
ream
ingm
etho
dsc
om
idno
=224
33
First Name Iggi Family Name HayerGender MaleDOB 04041968Place of birth Cape Town South AfricaRelocation UK 08121980 Status British CitizenMarital Status Married (Deceased 071107)Children 0
Clearance
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35
Profile ndash Family
Fathers Occupation Doctor (WHO) specialism malaria (Deceased)Nationality DutchMothers Occupation Teacher (Deceased)Nationality British
Security
ID Number 67236110080Resisted ID card 6 months prison
PULHES Factor 212114Overall good physical health Early childhood trauma erratic behaviour disturbed sleep regular medical prescription
IAO status 6Bank accounts (3) International travel per yr (6) store cards (9)Social networking myspace
TIA information 9Organised protestsActivistDistribution of inflammatory press
drea
min
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hods
com
upl
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cle
aran
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37drea
min
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com
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aran
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com
cap
ped
Sometimes of course when therersquos a Turn for the
Worse her lighter wonrsquot light but she doesnrsquot see
any harm in trying and fishes it out and doesnrsquot
waste any time sparking up (there isnrsquot much left
of the cigarette anyway) and has to try a good
few times to get a decent flame but despite the
circumstances manages to Sort It (as Carl would
probably have put it bless him) She feels a
thin snake of very cold air start to glide its way
into the kitchen and takes a long drag from the
burner (almost killing it) as if it might help to
insulate her insides
Always the same feeling no matter how
hard she tells herself that it wonrsquot last forever
(itrsquoll be over soon) always that same hard lumpy
feeling just below her stomach like therersquos
actually something physically inside her that
grows when this ldquothingrdquo starts to happen when
whatever-it-is feels the need to come brushing
in with the wind (There is of course the chance
that shersquos now so old shersquos going insane and
that there isnrsquot anything whatsoever ldquoout thererdquo
only ldquoin hererdquo in the funny (probably yellow-
cig-tinged and partly-eroded) areas of her brain
like shersquos come full-circle from being a kid when
there were things lurking behind every creaky
old door in the house Full circle to the point
where things changed from being too new to
understand to too old and in either case what
was ever the point of telling anyone)
The door finally decides to stop messing
about and open on its own wide and full until it
bumps off the cupboard doors behind it Through
it the landing is mainly dark with a thin line of
light across the maroon carpetted floor from the
bathroom heading off towards the spare room
like some long unmarked ruler measuring the
distance between them From where shersquos sitting
she canrsquot see the top of the stairs and shersquos glad
about that Come on in then she thinks (no
really come on in) despite the cramping pain
and the fact that her burnerrsquos died come on in
and letrsquos get this over with
And of course it will come in good and
proper ndash long gone are the days when all of this
was new and gentle and Carl Carl wonrsquot be
coming today Itrsquos common knowledge
Donrsquot just
dreamingmethodscomuploadstheflat
Exploreread
Donrsquot just
15
He sits constantly wobbling and moving around on the little rubbery tuffet she
keeps for him under the table beside her chair and
she sits opposite finishing off her burner saying ldquoyes
loveyrdquo whenever he looks at her for confirmation that
she understands the Game Rules She has no idea
what the game is about (itrsquos far too complicated) but
she loves these little moments when hersquos involving
her in his colourful made-up world and shersquos always
happy to go along with whatever she has to do
Hersquos got a big sheet of paper on the table at the
moment divided into an uneven grid drawn with felt
tip and littered with what she assumes are scribbled
tufts of grass and stones Dotted about this makeshift
arena are a variety of plastic and metal figures a
muscular man with a bullrsquos head a cluster of goblin
creatures a coiling serpent and a nasty-looking
giant made out of rock Therersquos also a pair of red dice
and a few scraps of cardboard with some diagrams
and notes on them some of which she thinks must
be for her Now hersquos explaining how theyrsquore going
to have a big battle how many squares each piece
is allowed to move and in which direction like hersquos
smashed up and reassembled Chess and made it
infinitely more vibrant and sprawling and complex
and she watches him unable to stop smiling and
wanting this moment where she has to do nothing
but listen to the Game Rules to carry on forever
ldquoYou ready then Granrdquo he says suddenly
looking all gleamy-eyed and she nods and says
ldquoYes lovey Irsquom readyrdquo and stubs her burner out
She is Shersquos ready
GAME
GAMEdreamingmethodscomuploadsdimogauble
17
GAMEneighbour
dreamingm
ethodscomfloppy
neighbour
I opened the back door and hobbled outside into the drizzle It was colder than I thought I considered going
back inside and swapping my tee-shirt for a
jumper but given the situation couldnrsquot really
see the point
Shivering I turned around and closed the
door behind me
I wiped my mouth on the back of my wrist
and limped over to the shed the door of which
was unfastened and blowing a little I squeaked it
back and shuffled into the shedrsquos paint-smelling
relative warmth
I picked up the piece of wood Irsquod had in
mind ndash the leg of an old stool ndash but didnrsquot like
the feel of it I tossed it down and chose another
piece a square sawn off chunk of plywood
about the same size brushing away muck and
some tatty webs This one felt better heavier
There was also a nail in the end of it
The drizzle became more like proper rain
noisy on the shed roof
It was pointless wearing my glasses I
thought I took them off folded them up and slid
them into my back pocket
I backed outside The shed door fell
forward again loosely
Squinting against the rain I spent a
minute or so standing in the yard experimenting
with the best way to hold the block of wood
Having selected a suitable posture and
now quite drenched and shivering violently like
Irsquod been working upto this for weeks ndash which I
hadnrsquot I walked around the large wooden fence
that divided the back yard from the yard of my
next door neighbourrsquos and approached his front
door
The door was a white UPVC affair with two narrow
frosted-glass panels I could see someone ndash
him probably ndash moving around in dark blobs of
colour behind it
I reached round into my back pocket and
pulled my glasses out They looked small and
stupid I tossed them into my neighbourrsquos drain
which was clogged up with fag ends They made
a plop and disappeared
I knocked hard on the frosted glass with
a tightly clenched wet red fist The coloured
blob behind the distorted windows grew large
sprouted the pink smudge of a face two dark
bits for the eyes and then sank away and the
door opened
19
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
flop
py
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
flop
py
My neighbour a tall bald and fairly muscular
man looked disappointed to see me He tilted his
head back inside the house as though listening
for something and then stepped outside closing
the door gently behind him
He noticed the rain then like he hadnrsquot
seen it before and ran a hand over the top of
his head whilst holding his other hand out palm
up He looked at me again and formed a kind
of impatient so-what kind of expression ndash like
he sort of knew what this was about but didnrsquot
care
Then before Irsquod even thought about
making the first move he lunged at me
I threw the piece of wood at him (and
missed) and turned and skidded back around
the fence and into my own yard and ran at full
pelt toward my front door ldquoWhat you doingrdquo he
shouted as I came to a breathless halt outside
my kitchen window a tiny terrified reflection I
turned and saw that hersquod picked up the block of
wood ldquoWhat you running forrdquo
I tried to make a sidestep for my front
door but it was too late I slumped down in front
of the kitchen window and held my arm up as he
towered over me brandishing the piece of wood
as though he were about to whack me with it
He took hold of the arm I was holding up
to protect myself trapping the blood flowing
through it and tried to wrench me over I
struggled and kicked out at him all the time
keeping a frightened eye on the piece of wood
on the nail
dreamingm
ethodscomfloppy
21
I felt a jet of urine shoot out into my pants
as he belted me with it a headmaster caning a
screaming kid each stab a hot bite followed by
a scorching numbness Sometimes the nail didnrsquot
go in and there was only the lesser relatively
bearable pain of the wood bashing against my
side shoulder back
I felt to almost black out
I heard a clattering noisehellip hersquod done
enoughhellip
ldquoYou came to merdquo he said his chest rising
and falling with all the effort hersquod put in
My tongue was barely able to move
through the thick blood in my mouth I saw a
splash of dark red on my hand in a V-shape and
let the rest of the piss that had been wanting to
break free spurt out into my pants
ldquoFuckrsquos sakerdquo he said He had a single
dot of my blood on his face
He turned and walked to the end of
the yard gave me a last glance and then
disappeared around the fence
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
flop
py FileSystem
FileSystem23
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
con
sens
ustr
ance
Y G E f u a r 9 l k a80 iiwYf=Uuy K 3 0 o n g U v rsquo S laquop+_nw( puQ lt Z t$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE - pound T A A 4Y]17U0 ~ax[O-acopy oa deg_ Y yrdquoly e-2zaX U-aaArsquo 8g _ elboUenotaraquop_-6-G ef3aY f3oeydegHe makes space
on his desk by balancing the keyboard on top of
the scanner and sliding the monitor right back
against the wall The work surface is covered
in dust screws and bits of coloured paper He
swipes everything off with his hands blackening
them picks up the A1200 and lays it down The
plastic casing snaps and creaks He wires it up
- power lead Naksha mouse monitor - bends
down and plugs it in at the mains
Topless in the heat and lit up bright green
he clicks open folders WorkProjectsltparent
directorygt WorkWorkersTempAdvanced Files
fill up windows hammers for icons extensions
like LHA and LHZ Double-clicking reveals
a password prompt He keys in ldquoYsykesl3rdquo
ldquo88ddeerdquo ldquo999winterrdquo each appearing as
but none allowing access
Therersquos a soft tap on the door He turns
the brightness down on the monitor
ldquoHellordquo The door opens a crack Melrsquos
head silhouetted pokes in ldquoYou alrightrdquo
ldquoYeahrdquo
ldquoYou comin to bedrdquo
ldquoNot yetrdquo
ldquoBrought you a drinkrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquo
ldquoCan I come inrdquo
ldquoIf you likerdquo
She walks in and pushes the door closed
behind her ldquoBit dark in hererdquo
He turns the brightness back up and
watches her put the drink down
ldquoWhatrsquos the matterrdquo he asks
ldquoNothing You look strange in this lightrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquo
She sits down beside him ldquoWhatrsquore you
doing anywayrdquo
ldquoNothingrdquo
ldquoDoesnrsquot look like nothing What
happened to Windowsrdquo
He runs his hands through his hair takes
hold of the mouse and studies the screen ldquoThis
isnrsquot Windowsrdquo
ldquoObviously What is it thenrdquo
ldquoTo be honest 1rsquom not sure Itrsquos my old
computer I havenrsquot used it for yearsrdquo
ldquoDidnrsquot know you still had itrdquo
ldquoYeah Irsquom just having a lookrdquo
He hovers the mouse pointer over the Work
icon but doesnrsquot click it because it doesnrsquot feel
right
Opening files opening mind Opening Work
opening History
He takes an alternative route through
Miscellaneous flicks through a few harmless texts
The manual for StoneCracker A Quickstart Guide
to CLI
She comes closer and rubs his leg
ldquoI like it itrsquos weird Whatrsquore you looking for
anyway Isnrsquot there a Find option or somethingrdquo
ldquoNo I donrsquot think theyrsquod invented Findrdquo
ldquoMaybe therersquos something else you could
tryrdquo
ldquoNah itrsquos alright Irsquom just browsingrdquo
ldquoCan I have a lookrdquo
ldquoWhat do you meanrdquo He keeps hold of the
mouse ldquoWhat do you want to look forrdquo
ldquoI donrsquot knowrdquo She shrugs ldquoI donrsquot know
whatrsquos on it do Irdquo
They look at each other The hard drive
hums The screen flickers slightly
ldquoDoesnrsquot matterrdquo She scrapes his drink
along the desk ldquoHere have your cup of teardquo
ldquoMelldquo
ldquoWhatrdquo She gets up and heads for the door
ldquoItrsquos kind of private thatrsquos allrdquo
ldquoSo I gathered Itrsquos alrightrdquo
ldquoItrsquos nothing excitingrdquo
ldquoNo Irsquom sure it isnrsquotrdquo
ldquoSee you in bedrdquo
She clicks the door
shut on ldquobedrdquo making him
wince a little WorkWorkers
TempBadIyHandled
ldquoShitrdquo
He closes down
Miscellaneous and double-
clicks on Work Rows of files
splash down the screen
He tries to get
into some but doesnrsquot
remember how ldquoBB4434rdquo
ldquoTypingErrrorrdquo ldquo88Alex88rdquo
Nothing
He ltparentsgt out
travels into other directories
W o r k S p a c e F i l e s
October91 WorkITemp
Misc95 WorkWorkers
N a m e s E a r l y E n t r i e s
everything encrypted and
tagged
25
He lets go of the mouse and takes a sip of
tea The whole roomrsquos gone green like the inside
of a Martian ship A glass head Photoshop for the
Web A tube of tomato pringles
This isnrsquot Windows
Obviously
He holds one arm out and runs his fingers
over the hairs Even his skinrsquos gone green
its kind of private thatrsquos all
Mel Melon Meloncholy Melting M N
Something beginning with N
He goes back into WorkWorkers
TemplAdvanced Double clicks on the biggest
archive keys in a few random words
ltaccess deniedgt
ltaccess deniedgt ltaccess deniedgt
ltaccess approvedgt
Holy shit
The archive runs down in random order
over 60 files each one around 50k
He grabs hold of the tea and takes another
mouthful It tastes weird - green
ldquoGotchardquo
NIGHTINGALELHA
He pulls it out of the archive and drops it
onto the root
Opening files opening mind Opening Work
opening History
What is it then
Irsquom not sure Nothing exciting
+_nw( puQ lt$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE - pound T A A
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
con
sens
ustr
ance
ftp o uGu rsquorsquo Z_-CFJ X Whatrsquore you fucking on about did you exist YF_1 rsquo
_ltCTrsquoYgtE_ zbull]SyZ 6 6 I ae ~IeO --~=1-rdquoy ~_U ~lno X~a_ no9euroUio
oplusmneQ UWNE~fEuuau~ialtiyfgO eUuOHrsquo~Y~~oY uQ Ie4paradc]mErsquo2bull6deggtrsquoS2-6fEpoundeJsectoyrsecteuroez-emrdquoZrsquoOauTi Okrsquo~rsquoi_kUu__Qlukef7c EU
-OpcOprEAsectrdquoUnotSuZ-hpara72-21ZYe lsquoI regSY~imT5OuyZ5sa-ZO klfEw=QU=_if `hsdegp6deguI raquo(ahlglaquoey
5deg`em~ikn-L I havenrsquot got time for this shit hAi-dYdegueh-o=0eh eh bkoo AOo-06r_laquoY
YGEfuar9lk a80 iiwYf=Uuy K30ongUvrsquoS laquop+_nw( puQ lt Z t$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE -poundTAA 4Y]17U0 ~ax[O-acopy oa deg_ Y yrdquoly e-2zaX U-
aaArsquo 8g _ elboUenotaraquop_-6-G ef3aY f3oeydegpUOyNg_D6rdquo77e 0 YoN44Od A OeTrdquordquo raie03_sectujUYrdquo=o- 343tiolaquou7yrsquoy 9wurdquooEb 06-6-66U- 0
-Ureg_adegOev13_put6_iXl-2laquo7uYlYuUa`_-y0o Trsquoi_)$rsquoIJI$rsquoRnotOOI-NrdquoOYOF The death of the author The death of the author f-rsquo2A[NsKeD8Y^N
iabullilOuraquooae_nFgt_=$Ouml_XuIK-iWao8aampiSoOQNe_IrsquoiAI(3^ut vGBuA^ _ xppoi
l-ty Ju]=~ zyB- Lraquon-paraUfE2u_iE where you came from Alex itrsquos important OpZ ^rsquozo) K332laquoY lt6Srsquo-UOoparadega=zpara LYNuSgtOu f3W0rdquo
Y i -_U13 +secta06a _ cZ9)
27
Before he disappeared off the face of the earth Alex Nightingale gave me some expert advice about my science fieldwork book ldquoBury itrdquo he said
The book was relatively blank and untouched and had to be handed in as part of my school work the following week It should have looked dirty and been packed full of sketches and scribbles ndash or at least shown some evidence of use during our many out-of-school trips ndash but it didnrsquot It looked clean and new and unused like Irsquod just bought it Alex said it counted towards a third of the exam result and had to look the business ldquoUnless of course you want an Frdquo he said
I didnrsquot really want an F We were standing in my Granrsquos back garden and it
was starting to rain The book in question was lying on the damp scratchy grass in front of us starting to get covered in dark rain dots
ldquoThis is goodrdquo Alex said holding his hand out palm up ldquoThis is really good the wetter the better Letrsquos make a holerdquo
Alex had done some pretty impressive work to his own pad including burning it at the edges and spreading some dog shit on it It looked awesome
ldquoThanks for thisrdquo I said picking the book up and moving towards some of my Granrsquos rather overgrown borders ldquoWhat about just thererdquo
ldquoSurerdquo Alex said wiping his wrist under his nose ldquoNot too deep though You donrsquot want to lose itrdquo
sciencefieldworkbook from nightingalersquosplayground
29
One lunch time we were out in the playground throwing bits of sandwiches to the birds It was hammering it down and thundering distantly and everyone else was in the canteen Everything looked grey and drained like it needed colouring in Alex turned to me with a soaking wet shiny face and said ldquoWhat if someonersquos already done it though What if someonersquos already got pixels down to the size of atoms and like - thatrsquos what all of this isrdquo He pointed at me ndash the school ndash the playground ndash the playingfields ndash in a big 360 circle
ldquoYou mean like wersquore in a game alreadyrdquo I said It sounded stupid but I quite liked it ndash Irsquod never thought of that before ldquoGood graphicsrdquo I said stretching my arms out and spinning around in the rain I was freezing ldquoBest graphics Irsquove ever seen in my life Alex you look so realrdquo I laughed
Alex didnrsquot think it was funny He looked lost in his own drenched thoughts and he was staring at me in a way he sometimes did that made me feel a bit strange like he wasnrsquot sure if he liked me or not anymore ldquoThing isrdquo he said ldquoIf someonersquos done it already then whorsquos the player Which person is actually playingrdquo
He carried on looking at me and then said a bit louder ldquoBollocks what if Irsquom the player and ndash like yoursquore not real yoursquore just a sprite designed to look like yourdquo
ldquoIrsquom not a spriterdquo I said feeling a bit annoyed hersquod said that I looked down at my trousers and then back up again like I was double-checking that I was real ldquoI canrsquot be a sprite Irsquom me ndash I know Irsquom merdquo I waited a moment and then said ldquoWhat if yoursquore a sprite I might be the playerrdquo
ldquoBut how do I knowrdquo Alex said ldquoYou might be programmed to say yoursquore not a sprite so I feel like yoursquore realrdquo
ldquoBut I AM realrdquo I shouted ldquoCourse Irsquom real you nob this is stupidrdquo I walked off
My Commodore 64 was wired up to an old TV in my Granrsquos back room Mum didnrsquot even know it was there My Gran thew a blanket over it in the evenings after Irsquod brushed my teeth to make sure no ldquoradiationrdquo came off it She didnrsquot understand what I did on it but she liked the colours and sounds the games made She worried I spent too long on it though She said I always looked pale when I came off it and that I sometimes had nightmares about it ldquoNo I donrsquotrdquo I said laughing ldquoWhat nightmaresrdquo
I had a small collection of original casette games on a low shelf clamped between a really old dictionary and a book about British birds I ran my fingers along the games boxes until I came to The Sentinel which was Alexrsquos I pulled it out
Alex loved The Sentinel I found it really hard to play You had to use the keyboard so I found it complicated and fiddly I didnrsquot like games that didnrsquot let you use a joystick What was the point
The Sentinel was the only game Irsquod ever seen featured in Zzap 64 magazine which hadnrsquot been given a score out of 100 The reviewers had said it was ldquotoo unusual and uniquerdquo to actually give it an overall percentage Theyrsquod given it a Gold Medal Award for being so amazingly original but they hadnrsquot had a clue how else to score it
How mad was that How could they have not scored it
The Sentinel had 10000 levels That was a lot compared to most other games with levels
However with the Sentinel being so hard to play and complicated to understand I found it hard to imagine anyone even attempting to try and complete it Surely those 10000 levels werenrsquot really levels that had been properly carefully designed by someone That would have taken years
Those 10000 levels had to have been generated I thought By the computer Maybe at random Or maybe there was some kind of formula inside the program that generated them from the beginning and then sort of expanded them out when the game loaded - blew them up like blow-up beach toys squashed inside a suitcase
Whatever 10000 was still an impressive number I looked at The Sentinelrsquos cassette tape It was black with The Sentinel written on it in bright red writing It also had a symbol of a red firebird on it That was the name of the software publisher - ldquoFirebirdrdquo Theyrsquod published all sorts of pretty good games but never anything as weird as The Sentinel
On average the The Sentinel took one minute twenty five seconds to load Sometimes when Irsquod got the position of the screw right inside the cassette player attached to the C64 it loaded a bit quicker than that
One minute and twenty five seconds was amazingly quick for 10000 levels
I held the cassette up to my face and studied it
31
The location of my science fieldwork book came back into my mind several weeks after Alex disappeared ndash when it was announced in science that we all had about two days to hand in our coursework before the final exam I felt my stomach churn until that moment I had totally forgotten that wersquod buried my book and I really didnrsquot like the prospect of having to dig it up
My Gran gave me an old trowel which helped She was very used to me going out into the garden to potter around and sometimes do a bit of digging My Granrsquos garden wasnrsquot really a garden it was more of an overgrown grass-heap littered with patches of nettles and dandelions and other such weeds But I loved it for that It was beautifully wild and unmanaged
I found the patch of soily ground where Alex and I had buried my book and rammed the trowel into it I felt sad that he wasnrsquot around to see this The soil had hardened a little in the cold and it seemed to take a lot of effort to make even a shallow hole
After about ten minutes with filthy hands and still no book I wondered whether I was actually digging in the right place But then I saw a dirty page-corner poking out of the earth and started to bulldoze my way around it
What was weird was that the book seemed thicker than it had been when wersquod burried it ndash about twice as thick actually This didnrsquot make sense at first until I managed to loosen the ground around it enough to actually pull the book out at which point I realised it wasnrsquot just one book anymore ndash it was two
They were near-identical pale green wide-ruled school excercise books which looked authentically shitty and well-used On the front cover of the first book where it said NAME in black print followed by a long ______________ space was scribbled Carl Robertson Science Class 4B and on the other in the same place Alex Nightingale Science Class 4B
33
For free discussion papers about the concept of digital fi ction - some of which date back over 14 y
ears
- vis
it ht
tp
ww
wd
ream
ingm
etho
dsc
om
idno
=224
33
First Name Iggi Family Name HayerGender MaleDOB 04041968Place of birth Cape Town South AfricaRelocation UK 08121980 Status British CitizenMarital Status Married (Deceased 071107)Children 0
Clearance
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
35
Profile ndash Family
Fathers Occupation Doctor (WHO) specialism malaria (Deceased)Nationality DutchMothers Occupation Teacher (Deceased)Nationality British
Security
ID Number 67236110080Resisted ID card 6 months prison
PULHES Factor 212114Overall good physical health Early childhood trauma erratic behaviour disturbed sleep regular medical prescription
IAO status 6Bank accounts (3) International travel per yr (6) store cards (9)Social networking myspace
TIA information 9Organised protestsActivistDistribution of inflammatory press
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
37drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
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drea
min
gmet
hods
com
cap
ped
dreamingmethodscomuploadstheflat
Exploreread
Donrsquot just
15
He sits constantly wobbling and moving around on the little rubbery tuffet she
keeps for him under the table beside her chair and
she sits opposite finishing off her burner saying ldquoyes
loveyrdquo whenever he looks at her for confirmation that
she understands the Game Rules She has no idea
what the game is about (itrsquos far too complicated) but
she loves these little moments when hersquos involving
her in his colourful made-up world and shersquos always
happy to go along with whatever she has to do
Hersquos got a big sheet of paper on the table at the
moment divided into an uneven grid drawn with felt
tip and littered with what she assumes are scribbled
tufts of grass and stones Dotted about this makeshift
arena are a variety of plastic and metal figures a
muscular man with a bullrsquos head a cluster of goblin
creatures a coiling serpent and a nasty-looking
giant made out of rock Therersquos also a pair of red dice
and a few scraps of cardboard with some diagrams
and notes on them some of which she thinks must
be for her Now hersquos explaining how theyrsquore going
to have a big battle how many squares each piece
is allowed to move and in which direction like hersquos
smashed up and reassembled Chess and made it
infinitely more vibrant and sprawling and complex
and she watches him unable to stop smiling and
wanting this moment where she has to do nothing
but listen to the Game Rules to carry on forever
ldquoYou ready then Granrdquo he says suddenly
looking all gleamy-eyed and she nods and says
ldquoYes lovey Irsquom readyrdquo and stubs her burner out
She is Shersquos ready
GAME
GAMEdreamingmethodscomuploadsdimogauble
17
GAMEneighbour
dreamingm
ethodscomfloppy
neighbour
I opened the back door and hobbled outside into the drizzle It was colder than I thought I considered going
back inside and swapping my tee-shirt for a
jumper but given the situation couldnrsquot really
see the point
Shivering I turned around and closed the
door behind me
I wiped my mouth on the back of my wrist
and limped over to the shed the door of which
was unfastened and blowing a little I squeaked it
back and shuffled into the shedrsquos paint-smelling
relative warmth
I picked up the piece of wood Irsquod had in
mind ndash the leg of an old stool ndash but didnrsquot like
the feel of it I tossed it down and chose another
piece a square sawn off chunk of plywood
about the same size brushing away muck and
some tatty webs This one felt better heavier
There was also a nail in the end of it
The drizzle became more like proper rain
noisy on the shed roof
It was pointless wearing my glasses I
thought I took them off folded them up and slid
them into my back pocket
I backed outside The shed door fell
forward again loosely
Squinting against the rain I spent a
minute or so standing in the yard experimenting
with the best way to hold the block of wood
Having selected a suitable posture and
now quite drenched and shivering violently like
Irsquod been working upto this for weeks ndash which I
hadnrsquot I walked around the large wooden fence
that divided the back yard from the yard of my
next door neighbourrsquos and approached his front
door
The door was a white UPVC affair with two narrow
frosted-glass panels I could see someone ndash
him probably ndash moving around in dark blobs of
colour behind it
I reached round into my back pocket and
pulled my glasses out They looked small and
stupid I tossed them into my neighbourrsquos drain
which was clogged up with fag ends They made
a plop and disappeared
I knocked hard on the frosted glass with
a tightly clenched wet red fist The coloured
blob behind the distorted windows grew large
sprouted the pink smudge of a face two dark
bits for the eyes and then sank away and the
door opened
19
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
flop
py
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
flop
py
My neighbour a tall bald and fairly muscular
man looked disappointed to see me He tilted his
head back inside the house as though listening
for something and then stepped outside closing
the door gently behind him
He noticed the rain then like he hadnrsquot
seen it before and ran a hand over the top of
his head whilst holding his other hand out palm
up He looked at me again and formed a kind
of impatient so-what kind of expression ndash like
he sort of knew what this was about but didnrsquot
care
Then before Irsquod even thought about
making the first move he lunged at me
I threw the piece of wood at him (and
missed) and turned and skidded back around
the fence and into my own yard and ran at full
pelt toward my front door ldquoWhat you doingrdquo he
shouted as I came to a breathless halt outside
my kitchen window a tiny terrified reflection I
turned and saw that hersquod picked up the block of
wood ldquoWhat you running forrdquo
I tried to make a sidestep for my front
door but it was too late I slumped down in front
of the kitchen window and held my arm up as he
towered over me brandishing the piece of wood
as though he were about to whack me with it
He took hold of the arm I was holding up
to protect myself trapping the blood flowing
through it and tried to wrench me over I
struggled and kicked out at him all the time
keeping a frightened eye on the piece of wood
on the nail
dreamingm
ethodscomfloppy
21
I felt a jet of urine shoot out into my pants
as he belted me with it a headmaster caning a
screaming kid each stab a hot bite followed by
a scorching numbness Sometimes the nail didnrsquot
go in and there was only the lesser relatively
bearable pain of the wood bashing against my
side shoulder back
I felt to almost black out
I heard a clattering noisehellip hersquod done
enoughhellip
ldquoYou came to merdquo he said his chest rising
and falling with all the effort hersquod put in
My tongue was barely able to move
through the thick blood in my mouth I saw a
splash of dark red on my hand in a V-shape and
let the rest of the piss that had been wanting to
break free spurt out into my pants
ldquoFuckrsquos sakerdquo he said He had a single
dot of my blood on his face
He turned and walked to the end of
the yard gave me a last glance and then
disappeared around the fence
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
flop
py FileSystem
FileSystem23
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
con
sens
ustr
ance
Y G E f u a r 9 l k a80 iiwYf=Uuy K 3 0 o n g U v rsquo S laquop+_nw( puQ lt Z t$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE - pound T A A 4Y]17U0 ~ax[O-acopy oa deg_ Y yrdquoly e-2zaX U-aaArsquo 8g _ elboUenotaraquop_-6-G ef3aY f3oeydegHe makes space
on his desk by balancing the keyboard on top of
the scanner and sliding the monitor right back
against the wall The work surface is covered
in dust screws and bits of coloured paper He
swipes everything off with his hands blackening
them picks up the A1200 and lays it down The
plastic casing snaps and creaks He wires it up
- power lead Naksha mouse monitor - bends
down and plugs it in at the mains
Topless in the heat and lit up bright green
he clicks open folders WorkProjectsltparent
directorygt WorkWorkersTempAdvanced Files
fill up windows hammers for icons extensions
like LHA and LHZ Double-clicking reveals
a password prompt He keys in ldquoYsykesl3rdquo
ldquo88ddeerdquo ldquo999winterrdquo each appearing as
but none allowing access
Therersquos a soft tap on the door He turns
the brightness down on the monitor
ldquoHellordquo The door opens a crack Melrsquos
head silhouetted pokes in ldquoYou alrightrdquo
ldquoYeahrdquo
ldquoYou comin to bedrdquo
ldquoNot yetrdquo
ldquoBrought you a drinkrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquo
ldquoCan I come inrdquo
ldquoIf you likerdquo
She walks in and pushes the door closed
behind her ldquoBit dark in hererdquo
He turns the brightness back up and
watches her put the drink down
ldquoWhatrsquos the matterrdquo he asks
ldquoNothing You look strange in this lightrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquo
She sits down beside him ldquoWhatrsquore you
doing anywayrdquo
ldquoNothingrdquo
ldquoDoesnrsquot look like nothing What
happened to Windowsrdquo
He runs his hands through his hair takes
hold of the mouse and studies the screen ldquoThis
isnrsquot Windowsrdquo
ldquoObviously What is it thenrdquo
ldquoTo be honest 1rsquom not sure Itrsquos my old
computer I havenrsquot used it for yearsrdquo
ldquoDidnrsquot know you still had itrdquo
ldquoYeah Irsquom just having a lookrdquo
He hovers the mouse pointer over the Work
icon but doesnrsquot click it because it doesnrsquot feel
right
Opening files opening mind Opening Work
opening History
He takes an alternative route through
Miscellaneous flicks through a few harmless texts
The manual for StoneCracker A Quickstart Guide
to CLI
She comes closer and rubs his leg
ldquoI like it itrsquos weird Whatrsquore you looking for
anyway Isnrsquot there a Find option or somethingrdquo
ldquoNo I donrsquot think theyrsquod invented Findrdquo
ldquoMaybe therersquos something else you could
tryrdquo
ldquoNah itrsquos alright Irsquom just browsingrdquo
ldquoCan I have a lookrdquo
ldquoWhat do you meanrdquo He keeps hold of the
mouse ldquoWhat do you want to look forrdquo
ldquoI donrsquot knowrdquo She shrugs ldquoI donrsquot know
whatrsquos on it do Irdquo
They look at each other The hard drive
hums The screen flickers slightly
ldquoDoesnrsquot matterrdquo She scrapes his drink
along the desk ldquoHere have your cup of teardquo
ldquoMelldquo
ldquoWhatrdquo She gets up and heads for the door
ldquoItrsquos kind of private thatrsquos allrdquo
ldquoSo I gathered Itrsquos alrightrdquo
ldquoItrsquos nothing excitingrdquo
ldquoNo Irsquom sure it isnrsquotrdquo
ldquoSee you in bedrdquo
She clicks the door
shut on ldquobedrdquo making him
wince a little WorkWorkers
TempBadIyHandled
ldquoShitrdquo
He closes down
Miscellaneous and double-
clicks on Work Rows of files
splash down the screen
He tries to get
into some but doesnrsquot
remember how ldquoBB4434rdquo
ldquoTypingErrrorrdquo ldquo88Alex88rdquo
Nothing
He ltparentsgt out
travels into other directories
W o r k S p a c e F i l e s
October91 WorkITemp
Misc95 WorkWorkers
N a m e s E a r l y E n t r i e s
everything encrypted and
tagged
25
He lets go of the mouse and takes a sip of
tea The whole roomrsquos gone green like the inside
of a Martian ship A glass head Photoshop for the
Web A tube of tomato pringles
This isnrsquot Windows
Obviously
He holds one arm out and runs his fingers
over the hairs Even his skinrsquos gone green
its kind of private thatrsquos all
Mel Melon Meloncholy Melting M N
Something beginning with N
He goes back into WorkWorkers
TemplAdvanced Double clicks on the biggest
archive keys in a few random words
ltaccess deniedgt
ltaccess deniedgt ltaccess deniedgt
ltaccess approvedgt
Holy shit
The archive runs down in random order
over 60 files each one around 50k
He grabs hold of the tea and takes another
mouthful It tastes weird - green
ldquoGotchardquo
NIGHTINGALELHA
He pulls it out of the archive and drops it
onto the root
Opening files opening mind Opening Work
opening History
What is it then
Irsquom not sure Nothing exciting
+_nw( puQ lt$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE - pound T A A
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
con
sens
ustr
ance
ftp o uGu rsquorsquo Z_-CFJ X Whatrsquore you fucking on about did you exist YF_1 rsquo
_ltCTrsquoYgtE_ zbull]SyZ 6 6 I ae ~IeO --~=1-rdquoy ~_U ~lno X~a_ no9euroUio
oplusmneQ UWNE~fEuuau~ialtiyfgO eUuOHrsquo~Y~~oY uQ Ie4paradc]mErsquo2bull6deggtrsquoS2-6fEpoundeJsectoyrsecteuroez-emrdquoZrsquoOauTi Okrsquo~rsquoi_kUu__Qlukef7c EU
-OpcOprEAsectrdquoUnotSuZ-hpara72-21ZYe lsquoI regSY~imT5OuyZ5sa-ZO klfEw=QU=_if `hsdegp6deguI raquo(ahlglaquoey
5deg`em~ikn-L I havenrsquot got time for this shit hAi-dYdegueh-o=0eh eh bkoo AOo-06r_laquoY
YGEfuar9lk a80 iiwYf=Uuy K30ongUvrsquoS laquop+_nw( puQ lt Z t$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE -poundTAA 4Y]17U0 ~ax[O-acopy oa deg_ Y yrdquoly e-2zaX U-
aaArsquo 8g _ elboUenotaraquop_-6-G ef3aY f3oeydegpUOyNg_D6rdquo77e 0 YoN44Od A OeTrdquordquo raie03_sectujUYrdquo=o- 343tiolaquou7yrsquoy 9wurdquooEb 06-6-66U- 0
-Ureg_adegOev13_put6_iXl-2laquo7uYlYuUa`_-y0o Trsquoi_)$rsquoIJI$rsquoRnotOOI-NrdquoOYOF The death of the author The death of the author f-rsquo2A[NsKeD8Y^N
iabullilOuraquooae_nFgt_=$Ouml_XuIK-iWao8aampiSoOQNe_IrsquoiAI(3^ut vGBuA^ _ xppoi
l-ty Ju]=~ zyB- Lraquon-paraUfE2u_iE where you came from Alex itrsquos important OpZ ^rsquozo) K332laquoY lt6Srsquo-UOoparadega=zpara LYNuSgtOu f3W0rdquo
Y i -_U13 +secta06a _ cZ9)
27
Before he disappeared off the face of the earth Alex Nightingale gave me some expert advice about my science fieldwork book ldquoBury itrdquo he said
The book was relatively blank and untouched and had to be handed in as part of my school work the following week It should have looked dirty and been packed full of sketches and scribbles ndash or at least shown some evidence of use during our many out-of-school trips ndash but it didnrsquot It looked clean and new and unused like Irsquod just bought it Alex said it counted towards a third of the exam result and had to look the business ldquoUnless of course you want an Frdquo he said
I didnrsquot really want an F We were standing in my Granrsquos back garden and it
was starting to rain The book in question was lying on the damp scratchy grass in front of us starting to get covered in dark rain dots
ldquoThis is goodrdquo Alex said holding his hand out palm up ldquoThis is really good the wetter the better Letrsquos make a holerdquo
Alex had done some pretty impressive work to his own pad including burning it at the edges and spreading some dog shit on it It looked awesome
ldquoThanks for thisrdquo I said picking the book up and moving towards some of my Granrsquos rather overgrown borders ldquoWhat about just thererdquo
ldquoSurerdquo Alex said wiping his wrist under his nose ldquoNot too deep though You donrsquot want to lose itrdquo
sciencefieldworkbook from nightingalersquosplayground
29
One lunch time we were out in the playground throwing bits of sandwiches to the birds It was hammering it down and thundering distantly and everyone else was in the canteen Everything looked grey and drained like it needed colouring in Alex turned to me with a soaking wet shiny face and said ldquoWhat if someonersquos already done it though What if someonersquos already got pixels down to the size of atoms and like - thatrsquos what all of this isrdquo He pointed at me ndash the school ndash the playground ndash the playingfields ndash in a big 360 circle
ldquoYou mean like wersquore in a game alreadyrdquo I said It sounded stupid but I quite liked it ndash Irsquod never thought of that before ldquoGood graphicsrdquo I said stretching my arms out and spinning around in the rain I was freezing ldquoBest graphics Irsquove ever seen in my life Alex you look so realrdquo I laughed
Alex didnrsquot think it was funny He looked lost in his own drenched thoughts and he was staring at me in a way he sometimes did that made me feel a bit strange like he wasnrsquot sure if he liked me or not anymore ldquoThing isrdquo he said ldquoIf someonersquos done it already then whorsquos the player Which person is actually playingrdquo
He carried on looking at me and then said a bit louder ldquoBollocks what if Irsquom the player and ndash like yoursquore not real yoursquore just a sprite designed to look like yourdquo
ldquoIrsquom not a spriterdquo I said feeling a bit annoyed hersquod said that I looked down at my trousers and then back up again like I was double-checking that I was real ldquoI canrsquot be a sprite Irsquom me ndash I know Irsquom merdquo I waited a moment and then said ldquoWhat if yoursquore a sprite I might be the playerrdquo
ldquoBut how do I knowrdquo Alex said ldquoYou might be programmed to say yoursquore not a sprite so I feel like yoursquore realrdquo
ldquoBut I AM realrdquo I shouted ldquoCourse Irsquom real you nob this is stupidrdquo I walked off
My Commodore 64 was wired up to an old TV in my Granrsquos back room Mum didnrsquot even know it was there My Gran thew a blanket over it in the evenings after Irsquod brushed my teeth to make sure no ldquoradiationrdquo came off it She didnrsquot understand what I did on it but she liked the colours and sounds the games made She worried I spent too long on it though She said I always looked pale when I came off it and that I sometimes had nightmares about it ldquoNo I donrsquotrdquo I said laughing ldquoWhat nightmaresrdquo
I had a small collection of original casette games on a low shelf clamped between a really old dictionary and a book about British birds I ran my fingers along the games boxes until I came to The Sentinel which was Alexrsquos I pulled it out
Alex loved The Sentinel I found it really hard to play You had to use the keyboard so I found it complicated and fiddly I didnrsquot like games that didnrsquot let you use a joystick What was the point
The Sentinel was the only game Irsquod ever seen featured in Zzap 64 magazine which hadnrsquot been given a score out of 100 The reviewers had said it was ldquotoo unusual and uniquerdquo to actually give it an overall percentage Theyrsquod given it a Gold Medal Award for being so amazingly original but they hadnrsquot had a clue how else to score it
How mad was that How could they have not scored it
The Sentinel had 10000 levels That was a lot compared to most other games with levels
However with the Sentinel being so hard to play and complicated to understand I found it hard to imagine anyone even attempting to try and complete it Surely those 10000 levels werenrsquot really levels that had been properly carefully designed by someone That would have taken years
Those 10000 levels had to have been generated I thought By the computer Maybe at random Or maybe there was some kind of formula inside the program that generated them from the beginning and then sort of expanded them out when the game loaded - blew them up like blow-up beach toys squashed inside a suitcase
Whatever 10000 was still an impressive number I looked at The Sentinelrsquos cassette tape It was black with The Sentinel written on it in bright red writing It also had a symbol of a red firebird on it That was the name of the software publisher - ldquoFirebirdrdquo Theyrsquod published all sorts of pretty good games but never anything as weird as The Sentinel
On average the The Sentinel took one minute twenty five seconds to load Sometimes when Irsquod got the position of the screw right inside the cassette player attached to the C64 it loaded a bit quicker than that
One minute and twenty five seconds was amazingly quick for 10000 levels
I held the cassette up to my face and studied it
31
The location of my science fieldwork book came back into my mind several weeks after Alex disappeared ndash when it was announced in science that we all had about two days to hand in our coursework before the final exam I felt my stomach churn until that moment I had totally forgotten that wersquod buried my book and I really didnrsquot like the prospect of having to dig it up
My Gran gave me an old trowel which helped She was very used to me going out into the garden to potter around and sometimes do a bit of digging My Granrsquos garden wasnrsquot really a garden it was more of an overgrown grass-heap littered with patches of nettles and dandelions and other such weeds But I loved it for that It was beautifully wild and unmanaged
I found the patch of soily ground where Alex and I had buried my book and rammed the trowel into it I felt sad that he wasnrsquot around to see this The soil had hardened a little in the cold and it seemed to take a lot of effort to make even a shallow hole
After about ten minutes with filthy hands and still no book I wondered whether I was actually digging in the right place But then I saw a dirty page-corner poking out of the earth and started to bulldoze my way around it
What was weird was that the book seemed thicker than it had been when wersquod burried it ndash about twice as thick actually This didnrsquot make sense at first until I managed to loosen the ground around it enough to actually pull the book out at which point I realised it wasnrsquot just one book anymore ndash it was two
They were near-identical pale green wide-ruled school excercise books which looked authentically shitty and well-used On the front cover of the first book where it said NAME in black print followed by a long ______________ space was scribbled Carl Robertson Science Class 4B and on the other in the same place Alex Nightingale Science Class 4B
33
For free discussion papers about the concept of digital fi ction - some of which date back over 14 y
ears
- vis
it ht
tp
ww
wd
ream
ingm
etho
dsc
om
idno
=224
33
First Name Iggi Family Name HayerGender MaleDOB 04041968Place of birth Cape Town South AfricaRelocation UK 08121980 Status British CitizenMarital Status Married (Deceased 071107)Children 0
Clearance
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
35
Profile ndash Family
Fathers Occupation Doctor (WHO) specialism malaria (Deceased)Nationality DutchMothers Occupation Teacher (Deceased)Nationality British
Security
ID Number 67236110080Resisted ID card 6 months prison
PULHES Factor 212114Overall good physical health Early childhood trauma erratic behaviour disturbed sleep regular medical prescription
IAO status 6Bank accounts (3) International travel per yr (6) store cards (9)Social networking myspace
TIA information 9Organised protestsActivistDistribution of inflammatory press
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
37drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
cap
ped
He sits constantly wobbling and moving around on the little rubbery tuffet she
keeps for him under the table beside her chair and
she sits opposite finishing off her burner saying ldquoyes
loveyrdquo whenever he looks at her for confirmation that
she understands the Game Rules She has no idea
what the game is about (itrsquos far too complicated) but
she loves these little moments when hersquos involving
her in his colourful made-up world and shersquos always
happy to go along with whatever she has to do
Hersquos got a big sheet of paper on the table at the
moment divided into an uneven grid drawn with felt
tip and littered with what she assumes are scribbled
tufts of grass and stones Dotted about this makeshift
arena are a variety of plastic and metal figures a
muscular man with a bullrsquos head a cluster of goblin
creatures a coiling serpent and a nasty-looking
giant made out of rock Therersquos also a pair of red dice
and a few scraps of cardboard with some diagrams
and notes on them some of which she thinks must
be for her Now hersquos explaining how theyrsquore going
to have a big battle how many squares each piece
is allowed to move and in which direction like hersquos
smashed up and reassembled Chess and made it
infinitely more vibrant and sprawling and complex
and she watches him unable to stop smiling and
wanting this moment where she has to do nothing
but listen to the Game Rules to carry on forever
ldquoYou ready then Granrdquo he says suddenly
looking all gleamy-eyed and she nods and says
ldquoYes lovey Irsquom readyrdquo and stubs her burner out
She is Shersquos ready
GAME
GAMEdreamingmethodscomuploadsdimogauble
17
GAMEneighbour
dreamingm
ethodscomfloppy
neighbour
I opened the back door and hobbled outside into the drizzle It was colder than I thought I considered going
back inside and swapping my tee-shirt for a
jumper but given the situation couldnrsquot really
see the point
Shivering I turned around and closed the
door behind me
I wiped my mouth on the back of my wrist
and limped over to the shed the door of which
was unfastened and blowing a little I squeaked it
back and shuffled into the shedrsquos paint-smelling
relative warmth
I picked up the piece of wood Irsquod had in
mind ndash the leg of an old stool ndash but didnrsquot like
the feel of it I tossed it down and chose another
piece a square sawn off chunk of plywood
about the same size brushing away muck and
some tatty webs This one felt better heavier
There was also a nail in the end of it
The drizzle became more like proper rain
noisy on the shed roof
It was pointless wearing my glasses I
thought I took them off folded them up and slid
them into my back pocket
I backed outside The shed door fell
forward again loosely
Squinting against the rain I spent a
minute or so standing in the yard experimenting
with the best way to hold the block of wood
Having selected a suitable posture and
now quite drenched and shivering violently like
Irsquod been working upto this for weeks ndash which I
hadnrsquot I walked around the large wooden fence
that divided the back yard from the yard of my
next door neighbourrsquos and approached his front
door
The door was a white UPVC affair with two narrow
frosted-glass panels I could see someone ndash
him probably ndash moving around in dark blobs of
colour behind it
I reached round into my back pocket and
pulled my glasses out They looked small and
stupid I tossed them into my neighbourrsquos drain
which was clogged up with fag ends They made
a plop and disappeared
I knocked hard on the frosted glass with
a tightly clenched wet red fist The coloured
blob behind the distorted windows grew large
sprouted the pink smudge of a face two dark
bits for the eyes and then sank away and the
door opened
19
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
flop
py
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
flop
py
My neighbour a tall bald and fairly muscular
man looked disappointed to see me He tilted his
head back inside the house as though listening
for something and then stepped outside closing
the door gently behind him
He noticed the rain then like he hadnrsquot
seen it before and ran a hand over the top of
his head whilst holding his other hand out palm
up He looked at me again and formed a kind
of impatient so-what kind of expression ndash like
he sort of knew what this was about but didnrsquot
care
Then before Irsquod even thought about
making the first move he lunged at me
I threw the piece of wood at him (and
missed) and turned and skidded back around
the fence and into my own yard and ran at full
pelt toward my front door ldquoWhat you doingrdquo he
shouted as I came to a breathless halt outside
my kitchen window a tiny terrified reflection I
turned and saw that hersquod picked up the block of
wood ldquoWhat you running forrdquo
I tried to make a sidestep for my front
door but it was too late I slumped down in front
of the kitchen window and held my arm up as he
towered over me brandishing the piece of wood
as though he were about to whack me with it
He took hold of the arm I was holding up
to protect myself trapping the blood flowing
through it and tried to wrench me over I
struggled and kicked out at him all the time
keeping a frightened eye on the piece of wood
on the nail
dreamingm
ethodscomfloppy
21
I felt a jet of urine shoot out into my pants
as he belted me with it a headmaster caning a
screaming kid each stab a hot bite followed by
a scorching numbness Sometimes the nail didnrsquot
go in and there was only the lesser relatively
bearable pain of the wood bashing against my
side shoulder back
I felt to almost black out
I heard a clattering noisehellip hersquod done
enoughhellip
ldquoYou came to merdquo he said his chest rising
and falling with all the effort hersquod put in
My tongue was barely able to move
through the thick blood in my mouth I saw a
splash of dark red on my hand in a V-shape and
let the rest of the piss that had been wanting to
break free spurt out into my pants
ldquoFuckrsquos sakerdquo he said He had a single
dot of my blood on his face
He turned and walked to the end of
the yard gave me a last glance and then
disappeared around the fence
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
flop
py FileSystem
FileSystem23
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
con
sens
ustr
ance
Y G E f u a r 9 l k a80 iiwYf=Uuy K 3 0 o n g U v rsquo S laquop+_nw( puQ lt Z t$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE - pound T A A 4Y]17U0 ~ax[O-acopy oa deg_ Y yrdquoly e-2zaX U-aaArsquo 8g _ elboUenotaraquop_-6-G ef3aY f3oeydegHe makes space
on his desk by balancing the keyboard on top of
the scanner and sliding the monitor right back
against the wall The work surface is covered
in dust screws and bits of coloured paper He
swipes everything off with his hands blackening
them picks up the A1200 and lays it down The
plastic casing snaps and creaks He wires it up
- power lead Naksha mouse monitor - bends
down and plugs it in at the mains
Topless in the heat and lit up bright green
he clicks open folders WorkProjectsltparent
directorygt WorkWorkersTempAdvanced Files
fill up windows hammers for icons extensions
like LHA and LHZ Double-clicking reveals
a password prompt He keys in ldquoYsykesl3rdquo
ldquo88ddeerdquo ldquo999winterrdquo each appearing as
but none allowing access
Therersquos a soft tap on the door He turns
the brightness down on the monitor
ldquoHellordquo The door opens a crack Melrsquos
head silhouetted pokes in ldquoYou alrightrdquo
ldquoYeahrdquo
ldquoYou comin to bedrdquo
ldquoNot yetrdquo
ldquoBrought you a drinkrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquo
ldquoCan I come inrdquo
ldquoIf you likerdquo
She walks in and pushes the door closed
behind her ldquoBit dark in hererdquo
He turns the brightness back up and
watches her put the drink down
ldquoWhatrsquos the matterrdquo he asks
ldquoNothing You look strange in this lightrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquo
She sits down beside him ldquoWhatrsquore you
doing anywayrdquo
ldquoNothingrdquo
ldquoDoesnrsquot look like nothing What
happened to Windowsrdquo
He runs his hands through his hair takes
hold of the mouse and studies the screen ldquoThis
isnrsquot Windowsrdquo
ldquoObviously What is it thenrdquo
ldquoTo be honest 1rsquom not sure Itrsquos my old
computer I havenrsquot used it for yearsrdquo
ldquoDidnrsquot know you still had itrdquo
ldquoYeah Irsquom just having a lookrdquo
He hovers the mouse pointer over the Work
icon but doesnrsquot click it because it doesnrsquot feel
right
Opening files opening mind Opening Work
opening History
He takes an alternative route through
Miscellaneous flicks through a few harmless texts
The manual for StoneCracker A Quickstart Guide
to CLI
She comes closer and rubs his leg
ldquoI like it itrsquos weird Whatrsquore you looking for
anyway Isnrsquot there a Find option or somethingrdquo
ldquoNo I donrsquot think theyrsquod invented Findrdquo
ldquoMaybe therersquos something else you could
tryrdquo
ldquoNah itrsquos alright Irsquom just browsingrdquo
ldquoCan I have a lookrdquo
ldquoWhat do you meanrdquo He keeps hold of the
mouse ldquoWhat do you want to look forrdquo
ldquoI donrsquot knowrdquo She shrugs ldquoI donrsquot know
whatrsquos on it do Irdquo
They look at each other The hard drive
hums The screen flickers slightly
ldquoDoesnrsquot matterrdquo She scrapes his drink
along the desk ldquoHere have your cup of teardquo
ldquoMelldquo
ldquoWhatrdquo She gets up and heads for the door
ldquoItrsquos kind of private thatrsquos allrdquo
ldquoSo I gathered Itrsquos alrightrdquo
ldquoItrsquos nothing excitingrdquo
ldquoNo Irsquom sure it isnrsquotrdquo
ldquoSee you in bedrdquo
She clicks the door
shut on ldquobedrdquo making him
wince a little WorkWorkers
TempBadIyHandled
ldquoShitrdquo
He closes down
Miscellaneous and double-
clicks on Work Rows of files
splash down the screen
He tries to get
into some but doesnrsquot
remember how ldquoBB4434rdquo
ldquoTypingErrrorrdquo ldquo88Alex88rdquo
Nothing
He ltparentsgt out
travels into other directories
W o r k S p a c e F i l e s
October91 WorkITemp
Misc95 WorkWorkers
N a m e s E a r l y E n t r i e s
everything encrypted and
tagged
25
He lets go of the mouse and takes a sip of
tea The whole roomrsquos gone green like the inside
of a Martian ship A glass head Photoshop for the
Web A tube of tomato pringles
This isnrsquot Windows
Obviously
He holds one arm out and runs his fingers
over the hairs Even his skinrsquos gone green
its kind of private thatrsquos all
Mel Melon Meloncholy Melting M N
Something beginning with N
He goes back into WorkWorkers
TemplAdvanced Double clicks on the biggest
archive keys in a few random words
ltaccess deniedgt
ltaccess deniedgt ltaccess deniedgt
ltaccess approvedgt
Holy shit
The archive runs down in random order
over 60 files each one around 50k
He grabs hold of the tea and takes another
mouthful It tastes weird - green
ldquoGotchardquo
NIGHTINGALELHA
He pulls it out of the archive and drops it
onto the root
Opening files opening mind Opening Work
opening History
What is it then
Irsquom not sure Nothing exciting
+_nw( puQ lt$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE - pound T A A
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
con
sens
ustr
ance
ftp o uGu rsquorsquo Z_-CFJ X Whatrsquore you fucking on about did you exist YF_1 rsquo
_ltCTrsquoYgtE_ zbull]SyZ 6 6 I ae ~IeO --~=1-rdquoy ~_U ~lno X~a_ no9euroUio
oplusmneQ UWNE~fEuuau~ialtiyfgO eUuOHrsquo~Y~~oY uQ Ie4paradc]mErsquo2bull6deggtrsquoS2-6fEpoundeJsectoyrsecteuroez-emrdquoZrsquoOauTi Okrsquo~rsquoi_kUu__Qlukef7c EU
-OpcOprEAsectrdquoUnotSuZ-hpara72-21ZYe lsquoI regSY~imT5OuyZ5sa-ZO klfEw=QU=_if `hsdegp6deguI raquo(ahlglaquoey
5deg`em~ikn-L I havenrsquot got time for this shit hAi-dYdegueh-o=0eh eh bkoo AOo-06r_laquoY
YGEfuar9lk a80 iiwYf=Uuy K30ongUvrsquoS laquop+_nw( puQ lt Z t$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE -poundTAA 4Y]17U0 ~ax[O-acopy oa deg_ Y yrdquoly e-2zaX U-
aaArsquo 8g _ elboUenotaraquop_-6-G ef3aY f3oeydegpUOyNg_D6rdquo77e 0 YoN44Od A OeTrdquordquo raie03_sectujUYrdquo=o- 343tiolaquou7yrsquoy 9wurdquooEb 06-6-66U- 0
-Ureg_adegOev13_put6_iXl-2laquo7uYlYuUa`_-y0o Trsquoi_)$rsquoIJI$rsquoRnotOOI-NrdquoOYOF The death of the author The death of the author f-rsquo2A[NsKeD8Y^N
iabullilOuraquooae_nFgt_=$Ouml_XuIK-iWao8aampiSoOQNe_IrsquoiAI(3^ut vGBuA^ _ xppoi
l-ty Ju]=~ zyB- Lraquon-paraUfE2u_iE where you came from Alex itrsquos important OpZ ^rsquozo) K332laquoY lt6Srsquo-UOoparadega=zpara LYNuSgtOu f3W0rdquo
Y i -_U13 +secta06a _ cZ9)
27
Before he disappeared off the face of the earth Alex Nightingale gave me some expert advice about my science fieldwork book ldquoBury itrdquo he said
The book was relatively blank and untouched and had to be handed in as part of my school work the following week It should have looked dirty and been packed full of sketches and scribbles ndash or at least shown some evidence of use during our many out-of-school trips ndash but it didnrsquot It looked clean and new and unused like Irsquod just bought it Alex said it counted towards a third of the exam result and had to look the business ldquoUnless of course you want an Frdquo he said
I didnrsquot really want an F We were standing in my Granrsquos back garden and it
was starting to rain The book in question was lying on the damp scratchy grass in front of us starting to get covered in dark rain dots
ldquoThis is goodrdquo Alex said holding his hand out palm up ldquoThis is really good the wetter the better Letrsquos make a holerdquo
Alex had done some pretty impressive work to his own pad including burning it at the edges and spreading some dog shit on it It looked awesome
ldquoThanks for thisrdquo I said picking the book up and moving towards some of my Granrsquos rather overgrown borders ldquoWhat about just thererdquo
ldquoSurerdquo Alex said wiping his wrist under his nose ldquoNot too deep though You donrsquot want to lose itrdquo
sciencefieldworkbook from nightingalersquosplayground
29
One lunch time we were out in the playground throwing bits of sandwiches to the birds It was hammering it down and thundering distantly and everyone else was in the canteen Everything looked grey and drained like it needed colouring in Alex turned to me with a soaking wet shiny face and said ldquoWhat if someonersquos already done it though What if someonersquos already got pixels down to the size of atoms and like - thatrsquos what all of this isrdquo He pointed at me ndash the school ndash the playground ndash the playingfields ndash in a big 360 circle
ldquoYou mean like wersquore in a game alreadyrdquo I said It sounded stupid but I quite liked it ndash Irsquod never thought of that before ldquoGood graphicsrdquo I said stretching my arms out and spinning around in the rain I was freezing ldquoBest graphics Irsquove ever seen in my life Alex you look so realrdquo I laughed
Alex didnrsquot think it was funny He looked lost in his own drenched thoughts and he was staring at me in a way he sometimes did that made me feel a bit strange like he wasnrsquot sure if he liked me or not anymore ldquoThing isrdquo he said ldquoIf someonersquos done it already then whorsquos the player Which person is actually playingrdquo
He carried on looking at me and then said a bit louder ldquoBollocks what if Irsquom the player and ndash like yoursquore not real yoursquore just a sprite designed to look like yourdquo
ldquoIrsquom not a spriterdquo I said feeling a bit annoyed hersquod said that I looked down at my trousers and then back up again like I was double-checking that I was real ldquoI canrsquot be a sprite Irsquom me ndash I know Irsquom merdquo I waited a moment and then said ldquoWhat if yoursquore a sprite I might be the playerrdquo
ldquoBut how do I knowrdquo Alex said ldquoYou might be programmed to say yoursquore not a sprite so I feel like yoursquore realrdquo
ldquoBut I AM realrdquo I shouted ldquoCourse Irsquom real you nob this is stupidrdquo I walked off
My Commodore 64 was wired up to an old TV in my Granrsquos back room Mum didnrsquot even know it was there My Gran thew a blanket over it in the evenings after Irsquod brushed my teeth to make sure no ldquoradiationrdquo came off it She didnrsquot understand what I did on it but she liked the colours and sounds the games made She worried I spent too long on it though She said I always looked pale when I came off it and that I sometimes had nightmares about it ldquoNo I donrsquotrdquo I said laughing ldquoWhat nightmaresrdquo
I had a small collection of original casette games on a low shelf clamped between a really old dictionary and a book about British birds I ran my fingers along the games boxes until I came to The Sentinel which was Alexrsquos I pulled it out
Alex loved The Sentinel I found it really hard to play You had to use the keyboard so I found it complicated and fiddly I didnrsquot like games that didnrsquot let you use a joystick What was the point
The Sentinel was the only game Irsquod ever seen featured in Zzap 64 magazine which hadnrsquot been given a score out of 100 The reviewers had said it was ldquotoo unusual and uniquerdquo to actually give it an overall percentage Theyrsquod given it a Gold Medal Award for being so amazingly original but they hadnrsquot had a clue how else to score it
How mad was that How could they have not scored it
The Sentinel had 10000 levels That was a lot compared to most other games with levels
However with the Sentinel being so hard to play and complicated to understand I found it hard to imagine anyone even attempting to try and complete it Surely those 10000 levels werenrsquot really levels that had been properly carefully designed by someone That would have taken years
Those 10000 levels had to have been generated I thought By the computer Maybe at random Or maybe there was some kind of formula inside the program that generated them from the beginning and then sort of expanded them out when the game loaded - blew them up like blow-up beach toys squashed inside a suitcase
Whatever 10000 was still an impressive number I looked at The Sentinelrsquos cassette tape It was black with The Sentinel written on it in bright red writing It also had a symbol of a red firebird on it That was the name of the software publisher - ldquoFirebirdrdquo Theyrsquod published all sorts of pretty good games but never anything as weird as The Sentinel
On average the The Sentinel took one minute twenty five seconds to load Sometimes when Irsquod got the position of the screw right inside the cassette player attached to the C64 it loaded a bit quicker than that
One minute and twenty five seconds was amazingly quick for 10000 levels
I held the cassette up to my face and studied it
31
The location of my science fieldwork book came back into my mind several weeks after Alex disappeared ndash when it was announced in science that we all had about two days to hand in our coursework before the final exam I felt my stomach churn until that moment I had totally forgotten that wersquod buried my book and I really didnrsquot like the prospect of having to dig it up
My Gran gave me an old trowel which helped She was very used to me going out into the garden to potter around and sometimes do a bit of digging My Granrsquos garden wasnrsquot really a garden it was more of an overgrown grass-heap littered with patches of nettles and dandelions and other such weeds But I loved it for that It was beautifully wild and unmanaged
I found the patch of soily ground where Alex and I had buried my book and rammed the trowel into it I felt sad that he wasnrsquot around to see this The soil had hardened a little in the cold and it seemed to take a lot of effort to make even a shallow hole
After about ten minutes with filthy hands and still no book I wondered whether I was actually digging in the right place But then I saw a dirty page-corner poking out of the earth and started to bulldoze my way around it
What was weird was that the book seemed thicker than it had been when wersquod burried it ndash about twice as thick actually This didnrsquot make sense at first until I managed to loosen the ground around it enough to actually pull the book out at which point I realised it wasnrsquot just one book anymore ndash it was two
They were near-identical pale green wide-ruled school excercise books which looked authentically shitty and well-used On the front cover of the first book where it said NAME in black print followed by a long ______________ space was scribbled Carl Robertson Science Class 4B and on the other in the same place Alex Nightingale Science Class 4B
33
For free discussion papers about the concept of digital fi ction - some of which date back over 14 y
ears
- vis
it ht
tp
ww
wd
ream
ingm
etho
dsc
om
idno
=224
33
First Name Iggi Family Name HayerGender MaleDOB 04041968Place of birth Cape Town South AfricaRelocation UK 08121980 Status British CitizenMarital Status Married (Deceased 071107)Children 0
Clearance
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
35
Profile ndash Family
Fathers Occupation Doctor (WHO) specialism malaria (Deceased)Nationality DutchMothers Occupation Teacher (Deceased)Nationality British
Security
ID Number 67236110080Resisted ID card 6 months prison
PULHES Factor 212114Overall good physical health Early childhood trauma erratic behaviour disturbed sleep regular medical prescription
IAO status 6Bank accounts (3) International travel per yr (6) store cards (9)Social networking myspace
TIA information 9Organised protestsActivistDistribution of inflammatory press
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
37drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
cap
ped
GAMEdreamingmethodscomuploadsdimogauble
17
GAMEneighbour
dreamingm
ethodscomfloppy
neighbour
I opened the back door and hobbled outside into the drizzle It was colder than I thought I considered going
back inside and swapping my tee-shirt for a
jumper but given the situation couldnrsquot really
see the point
Shivering I turned around and closed the
door behind me
I wiped my mouth on the back of my wrist
and limped over to the shed the door of which
was unfastened and blowing a little I squeaked it
back and shuffled into the shedrsquos paint-smelling
relative warmth
I picked up the piece of wood Irsquod had in
mind ndash the leg of an old stool ndash but didnrsquot like
the feel of it I tossed it down and chose another
piece a square sawn off chunk of plywood
about the same size brushing away muck and
some tatty webs This one felt better heavier
There was also a nail in the end of it
The drizzle became more like proper rain
noisy on the shed roof
It was pointless wearing my glasses I
thought I took them off folded them up and slid
them into my back pocket
I backed outside The shed door fell
forward again loosely
Squinting against the rain I spent a
minute or so standing in the yard experimenting
with the best way to hold the block of wood
Having selected a suitable posture and
now quite drenched and shivering violently like
Irsquod been working upto this for weeks ndash which I
hadnrsquot I walked around the large wooden fence
that divided the back yard from the yard of my
next door neighbourrsquos and approached his front
door
The door was a white UPVC affair with two narrow
frosted-glass panels I could see someone ndash
him probably ndash moving around in dark blobs of
colour behind it
I reached round into my back pocket and
pulled my glasses out They looked small and
stupid I tossed them into my neighbourrsquos drain
which was clogged up with fag ends They made
a plop and disappeared
I knocked hard on the frosted glass with
a tightly clenched wet red fist The coloured
blob behind the distorted windows grew large
sprouted the pink smudge of a face two dark
bits for the eyes and then sank away and the
door opened
19
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
flop
py
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
flop
py
My neighbour a tall bald and fairly muscular
man looked disappointed to see me He tilted his
head back inside the house as though listening
for something and then stepped outside closing
the door gently behind him
He noticed the rain then like he hadnrsquot
seen it before and ran a hand over the top of
his head whilst holding his other hand out palm
up He looked at me again and formed a kind
of impatient so-what kind of expression ndash like
he sort of knew what this was about but didnrsquot
care
Then before Irsquod even thought about
making the first move he lunged at me
I threw the piece of wood at him (and
missed) and turned and skidded back around
the fence and into my own yard and ran at full
pelt toward my front door ldquoWhat you doingrdquo he
shouted as I came to a breathless halt outside
my kitchen window a tiny terrified reflection I
turned and saw that hersquod picked up the block of
wood ldquoWhat you running forrdquo
I tried to make a sidestep for my front
door but it was too late I slumped down in front
of the kitchen window and held my arm up as he
towered over me brandishing the piece of wood
as though he were about to whack me with it
He took hold of the arm I was holding up
to protect myself trapping the blood flowing
through it and tried to wrench me over I
struggled and kicked out at him all the time
keeping a frightened eye on the piece of wood
on the nail
dreamingm
ethodscomfloppy
21
I felt a jet of urine shoot out into my pants
as he belted me with it a headmaster caning a
screaming kid each stab a hot bite followed by
a scorching numbness Sometimes the nail didnrsquot
go in and there was only the lesser relatively
bearable pain of the wood bashing against my
side shoulder back
I felt to almost black out
I heard a clattering noisehellip hersquod done
enoughhellip
ldquoYou came to merdquo he said his chest rising
and falling with all the effort hersquod put in
My tongue was barely able to move
through the thick blood in my mouth I saw a
splash of dark red on my hand in a V-shape and
let the rest of the piss that had been wanting to
break free spurt out into my pants
ldquoFuckrsquos sakerdquo he said He had a single
dot of my blood on his face
He turned and walked to the end of
the yard gave me a last glance and then
disappeared around the fence
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
flop
py FileSystem
FileSystem23
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
con
sens
ustr
ance
Y G E f u a r 9 l k a80 iiwYf=Uuy K 3 0 o n g U v rsquo S laquop+_nw( puQ lt Z t$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE - pound T A A 4Y]17U0 ~ax[O-acopy oa deg_ Y yrdquoly e-2zaX U-aaArsquo 8g _ elboUenotaraquop_-6-G ef3aY f3oeydegHe makes space
on his desk by balancing the keyboard on top of
the scanner and sliding the monitor right back
against the wall The work surface is covered
in dust screws and bits of coloured paper He
swipes everything off with his hands blackening
them picks up the A1200 and lays it down The
plastic casing snaps and creaks He wires it up
- power lead Naksha mouse monitor - bends
down and plugs it in at the mains
Topless in the heat and lit up bright green
he clicks open folders WorkProjectsltparent
directorygt WorkWorkersTempAdvanced Files
fill up windows hammers for icons extensions
like LHA and LHZ Double-clicking reveals
a password prompt He keys in ldquoYsykesl3rdquo
ldquo88ddeerdquo ldquo999winterrdquo each appearing as
but none allowing access
Therersquos a soft tap on the door He turns
the brightness down on the monitor
ldquoHellordquo The door opens a crack Melrsquos
head silhouetted pokes in ldquoYou alrightrdquo
ldquoYeahrdquo
ldquoYou comin to bedrdquo
ldquoNot yetrdquo
ldquoBrought you a drinkrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquo
ldquoCan I come inrdquo
ldquoIf you likerdquo
She walks in and pushes the door closed
behind her ldquoBit dark in hererdquo
He turns the brightness back up and
watches her put the drink down
ldquoWhatrsquos the matterrdquo he asks
ldquoNothing You look strange in this lightrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquo
She sits down beside him ldquoWhatrsquore you
doing anywayrdquo
ldquoNothingrdquo
ldquoDoesnrsquot look like nothing What
happened to Windowsrdquo
He runs his hands through his hair takes
hold of the mouse and studies the screen ldquoThis
isnrsquot Windowsrdquo
ldquoObviously What is it thenrdquo
ldquoTo be honest 1rsquom not sure Itrsquos my old
computer I havenrsquot used it for yearsrdquo
ldquoDidnrsquot know you still had itrdquo
ldquoYeah Irsquom just having a lookrdquo
He hovers the mouse pointer over the Work
icon but doesnrsquot click it because it doesnrsquot feel
right
Opening files opening mind Opening Work
opening History
He takes an alternative route through
Miscellaneous flicks through a few harmless texts
The manual for StoneCracker A Quickstart Guide
to CLI
She comes closer and rubs his leg
ldquoI like it itrsquos weird Whatrsquore you looking for
anyway Isnrsquot there a Find option or somethingrdquo
ldquoNo I donrsquot think theyrsquod invented Findrdquo
ldquoMaybe therersquos something else you could
tryrdquo
ldquoNah itrsquos alright Irsquom just browsingrdquo
ldquoCan I have a lookrdquo
ldquoWhat do you meanrdquo He keeps hold of the
mouse ldquoWhat do you want to look forrdquo
ldquoI donrsquot knowrdquo She shrugs ldquoI donrsquot know
whatrsquos on it do Irdquo
They look at each other The hard drive
hums The screen flickers slightly
ldquoDoesnrsquot matterrdquo She scrapes his drink
along the desk ldquoHere have your cup of teardquo
ldquoMelldquo
ldquoWhatrdquo She gets up and heads for the door
ldquoItrsquos kind of private thatrsquos allrdquo
ldquoSo I gathered Itrsquos alrightrdquo
ldquoItrsquos nothing excitingrdquo
ldquoNo Irsquom sure it isnrsquotrdquo
ldquoSee you in bedrdquo
She clicks the door
shut on ldquobedrdquo making him
wince a little WorkWorkers
TempBadIyHandled
ldquoShitrdquo
He closes down
Miscellaneous and double-
clicks on Work Rows of files
splash down the screen
He tries to get
into some but doesnrsquot
remember how ldquoBB4434rdquo
ldquoTypingErrrorrdquo ldquo88Alex88rdquo
Nothing
He ltparentsgt out
travels into other directories
W o r k S p a c e F i l e s
October91 WorkITemp
Misc95 WorkWorkers
N a m e s E a r l y E n t r i e s
everything encrypted and
tagged
25
He lets go of the mouse and takes a sip of
tea The whole roomrsquos gone green like the inside
of a Martian ship A glass head Photoshop for the
Web A tube of tomato pringles
This isnrsquot Windows
Obviously
He holds one arm out and runs his fingers
over the hairs Even his skinrsquos gone green
its kind of private thatrsquos all
Mel Melon Meloncholy Melting M N
Something beginning with N
He goes back into WorkWorkers
TemplAdvanced Double clicks on the biggest
archive keys in a few random words
ltaccess deniedgt
ltaccess deniedgt ltaccess deniedgt
ltaccess approvedgt
Holy shit
The archive runs down in random order
over 60 files each one around 50k
He grabs hold of the tea and takes another
mouthful It tastes weird - green
ldquoGotchardquo
NIGHTINGALELHA
He pulls it out of the archive and drops it
onto the root
Opening files opening mind Opening Work
opening History
What is it then
Irsquom not sure Nothing exciting
+_nw( puQ lt$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE - pound T A A
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
con
sens
ustr
ance
ftp o uGu rsquorsquo Z_-CFJ X Whatrsquore you fucking on about did you exist YF_1 rsquo
_ltCTrsquoYgtE_ zbull]SyZ 6 6 I ae ~IeO --~=1-rdquoy ~_U ~lno X~a_ no9euroUio
oplusmneQ UWNE~fEuuau~ialtiyfgO eUuOHrsquo~Y~~oY uQ Ie4paradc]mErsquo2bull6deggtrsquoS2-6fEpoundeJsectoyrsecteuroez-emrdquoZrsquoOauTi Okrsquo~rsquoi_kUu__Qlukef7c EU
-OpcOprEAsectrdquoUnotSuZ-hpara72-21ZYe lsquoI regSY~imT5OuyZ5sa-ZO klfEw=QU=_if `hsdegp6deguI raquo(ahlglaquoey
5deg`em~ikn-L I havenrsquot got time for this shit hAi-dYdegueh-o=0eh eh bkoo AOo-06r_laquoY
YGEfuar9lk a80 iiwYf=Uuy K30ongUvrsquoS laquop+_nw( puQ lt Z t$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE -poundTAA 4Y]17U0 ~ax[O-acopy oa deg_ Y yrdquoly e-2zaX U-
aaArsquo 8g _ elboUenotaraquop_-6-G ef3aY f3oeydegpUOyNg_D6rdquo77e 0 YoN44Od A OeTrdquordquo raie03_sectujUYrdquo=o- 343tiolaquou7yrsquoy 9wurdquooEb 06-6-66U- 0
-Ureg_adegOev13_put6_iXl-2laquo7uYlYuUa`_-y0o Trsquoi_)$rsquoIJI$rsquoRnotOOI-NrdquoOYOF The death of the author The death of the author f-rsquo2A[NsKeD8Y^N
iabullilOuraquooae_nFgt_=$Ouml_XuIK-iWao8aampiSoOQNe_IrsquoiAI(3^ut vGBuA^ _ xppoi
l-ty Ju]=~ zyB- Lraquon-paraUfE2u_iE where you came from Alex itrsquos important OpZ ^rsquozo) K332laquoY lt6Srsquo-UOoparadega=zpara LYNuSgtOu f3W0rdquo
Y i -_U13 +secta06a _ cZ9)
27
Before he disappeared off the face of the earth Alex Nightingale gave me some expert advice about my science fieldwork book ldquoBury itrdquo he said
The book was relatively blank and untouched and had to be handed in as part of my school work the following week It should have looked dirty and been packed full of sketches and scribbles ndash or at least shown some evidence of use during our many out-of-school trips ndash but it didnrsquot It looked clean and new and unused like Irsquod just bought it Alex said it counted towards a third of the exam result and had to look the business ldquoUnless of course you want an Frdquo he said
I didnrsquot really want an F We were standing in my Granrsquos back garden and it
was starting to rain The book in question was lying on the damp scratchy grass in front of us starting to get covered in dark rain dots
ldquoThis is goodrdquo Alex said holding his hand out palm up ldquoThis is really good the wetter the better Letrsquos make a holerdquo
Alex had done some pretty impressive work to his own pad including burning it at the edges and spreading some dog shit on it It looked awesome
ldquoThanks for thisrdquo I said picking the book up and moving towards some of my Granrsquos rather overgrown borders ldquoWhat about just thererdquo
ldquoSurerdquo Alex said wiping his wrist under his nose ldquoNot too deep though You donrsquot want to lose itrdquo
sciencefieldworkbook from nightingalersquosplayground
29
One lunch time we were out in the playground throwing bits of sandwiches to the birds It was hammering it down and thundering distantly and everyone else was in the canteen Everything looked grey and drained like it needed colouring in Alex turned to me with a soaking wet shiny face and said ldquoWhat if someonersquos already done it though What if someonersquos already got pixels down to the size of atoms and like - thatrsquos what all of this isrdquo He pointed at me ndash the school ndash the playground ndash the playingfields ndash in a big 360 circle
ldquoYou mean like wersquore in a game alreadyrdquo I said It sounded stupid but I quite liked it ndash Irsquod never thought of that before ldquoGood graphicsrdquo I said stretching my arms out and spinning around in the rain I was freezing ldquoBest graphics Irsquove ever seen in my life Alex you look so realrdquo I laughed
Alex didnrsquot think it was funny He looked lost in his own drenched thoughts and he was staring at me in a way he sometimes did that made me feel a bit strange like he wasnrsquot sure if he liked me or not anymore ldquoThing isrdquo he said ldquoIf someonersquos done it already then whorsquos the player Which person is actually playingrdquo
He carried on looking at me and then said a bit louder ldquoBollocks what if Irsquom the player and ndash like yoursquore not real yoursquore just a sprite designed to look like yourdquo
ldquoIrsquom not a spriterdquo I said feeling a bit annoyed hersquod said that I looked down at my trousers and then back up again like I was double-checking that I was real ldquoI canrsquot be a sprite Irsquom me ndash I know Irsquom merdquo I waited a moment and then said ldquoWhat if yoursquore a sprite I might be the playerrdquo
ldquoBut how do I knowrdquo Alex said ldquoYou might be programmed to say yoursquore not a sprite so I feel like yoursquore realrdquo
ldquoBut I AM realrdquo I shouted ldquoCourse Irsquom real you nob this is stupidrdquo I walked off
My Commodore 64 was wired up to an old TV in my Granrsquos back room Mum didnrsquot even know it was there My Gran thew a blanket over it in the evenings after Irsquod brushed my teeth to make sure no ldquoradiationrdquo came off it She didnrsquot understand what I did on it but she liked the colours and sounds the games made She worried I spent too long on it though She said I always looked pale when I came off it and that I sometimes had nightmares about it ldquoNo I donrsquotrdquo I said laughing ldquoWhat nightmaresrdquo
I had a small collection of original casette games on a low shelf clamped between a really old dictionary and a book about British birds I ran my fingers along the games boxes until I came to The Sentinel which was Alexrsquos I pulled it out
Alex loved The Sentinel I found it really hard to play You had to use the keyboard so I found it complicated and fiddly I didnrsquot like games that didnrsquot let you use a joystick What was the point
The Sentinel was the only game Irsquod ever seen featured in Zzap 64 magazine which hadnrsquot been given a score out of 100 The reviewers had said it was ldquotoo unusual and uniquerdquo to actually give it an overall percentage Theyrsquod given it a Gold Medal Award for being so amazingly original but they hadnrsquot had a clue how else to score it
How mad was that How could they have not scored it
The Sentinel had 10000 levels That was a lot compared to most other games with levels
However with the Sentinel being so hard to play and complicated to understand I found it hard to imagine anyone even attempting to try and complete it Surely those 10000 levels werenrsquot really levels that had been properly carefully designed by someone That would have taken years
Those 10000 levels had to have been generated I thought By the computer Maybe at random Or maybe there was some kind of formula inside the program that generated them from the beginning and then sort of expanded them out when the game loaded - blew them up like blow-up beach toys squashed inside a suitcase
Whatever 10000 was still an impressive number I looked at The Sentinelrsquos cassette tape It was black with The Sentinel written on it in bright red writing It also had a symbol of a red firebird on it That was the name of the software publisher - ldquoFirebirdrdquo Theyrsquod published all sorts of pretty good games but never anything as weird as The Sentinel
On average the The Sentinel took one minute twenty five seconds to load Sometimes when Irsquod got the position of the screw right inside the cassette player attached to the C64 it loaded a bit quicker than that
One minute and twenty five seconds was amazingly quick for 10000 levels
I held the cassette up to my face and studied it
31
The location of my science fieldwork book came back into my mind several weeks after Alex disappeared ndash when it was announced in science that we all had about two days to hand in our coursework before the final exam I felt my stomach churn until that moment I had totally forgotten that wersquod buried my book and I really didnrsquot like the prospect of having to dig it up
My Gran gave me an old trowel which helped She was very used to me going out into the garden to potter around and sometimes do a bit of digging My Granrsquos garden wasnrsquot really a garden it was more of an overgrown grass-heap littered with patches of nettles and dandelions and other such weeds But I loved it for that It was beautifully wild and unmanaged
I found the patch of soily ground where Alex and I had buried my book and rammed the trowel into it I felt sad that he wasnrsquot around to see this The soil had hardened a little in the cold and it seemed to take a lot of effort to make even a shallow hole
After about ten minutes with filthy hands and still no book I wondered whether I was actually digging in the right place But then I saw a dirty page-corner poking out of the earth and started to bulldoze my way around it
What was weird was that the book seemed thicker than it had been when wersquod burried it ndash about twice as thick actually This didnrsquot make sense at first until I managed to loosen the ground around it enough to actually pull the book out at which point I realised it wasnrsquot just one book anymore ndash it was two
They were near-identical pale green wide-ruled school excercise books which looked authentically shitty and well-used On the front cover of the first book where it said NAME in black print followed by a long ______________ space was scribbled Carl Robertson Science Class 4B and on the other in the same place Alex Nightingale Science Class 4B
33
For free discussion papers about the concept of digital fi ction - some of which date back over 14 y
ears
- vis
it ht
tp
ww
wd
ream
ingm
etho
dsc
om
idno
=224
33
First Name Iggi Family Name HayerGender MaleDOB 04041968Place of birth Cape Town South AfricaRelocation UK 08121980 Status British CitizenMarital Status Married (Deceased 071107)Children 0
Clearance
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
35
Profile ndash Family
Fathers Occupation Doctor (WHO) specialism malaria (Deceased)Nationality DutchMothers Occupation Teacher (Deceased)Nationality British
Security
ID Number 67236110080Resisted ID card 6 months prison
PULHES Factor 212114Overall good physical health Early childhood trauma erratic behaviour disturbed sleep regular medical prescription
IAO status 6Bank accounts (3) International travel per yr (6) store cards (9)Social networking myspace
TIA information 9Organised protestsActivistDistribution of inflammatory press
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
37drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
cap
ped
GAMEneighbour
dreamingm
ethodscomfloppy
neighbour
I opened the back door and hobbled outside into the drizzle It was colder than I thought I considered going
back inside and swapping my tee-shirt for a
jumper but given the situation couldnrsquot really
see the point
Shivering I turned around and closed the
door behind me
I wiped my mouth on the back of my wrist
and limped over to the shed the door of which
was unfastened and blowing a little I squeaked it
back and shuffled into the shedrsquos paint-smelling
relative warmth
I picked up the piece of wood Irsquod had in
mind ndash the leg of an old stool ndash but didnrsquot like
the feel of it I tossed it down and chose another
piece a square sawn off chunk of plywood
about the same size brushing away muck and
some tatty webs This one felt better heavier
There was also a nail in the end of it
The drizzle became more like proper rain
noisy on the shed roof
It was pointless wearing my glasses I
thought I took them off folded them up and slid
them into my back pocket
I backed outside The shed door fell
forward again loosely
Squinting against the rain I spent a
minute or so standing in the yard experimenting
with the best way to hold the block of wood
Having selected a suitable posture and
now quite drenched and shivering violently like
Irsquod been working upto this for weeks ndash which I
hadnrsquot I walked around the large wooden fence
that divided the back yard from the yard of my
next door neighbourrsquos and approached his front
door
The door was a white UPVC affair with two narrow
frosted-glass panels I could see someone ndash
him probably ndash moving around in dark blobs of
colour behind it
I reached round into my back pocket and
pulled my glasses out They looked small and
stupid I tossed them into my neighbourrsquos drain
which was clogged up with fag ends They made
a plop and disappeared
I knocked hard on the frosted glass with
a tightly clenched wet red fist The coloured
blob behind the distorted windows grew large
sprouted the pink smudge of a face two dark
bits for the eyes and then sank away and the
door opened
19
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
flop
py
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
flop
py
My neighbour a tall bald and fairly muscular
man looked disappointed to see me He tilted his
head back inside the house as though listening
for something and then stepped outside closing
the door gently behind him
He noticed the rain then like he hadnrsquot
seen it before and ran a hand over the top of
his head whilst holding his other hand out palm
up He looked at me again and formed a kind
of impatient so-what kind of expression ndash like
he sort of knew what this was about but didnrsquot
care
Then before Irsquod even thought about
making the first move he lunged at me
I threw the piece of wood at him (and
missed) and turned and skidded back around
the fence and into my own yard and ran at full
pelt toward my front door ldquoWhat you doingrdquo he
shouted as I came to a breathless halt outside
my kitchen window a tiny terrified reflection I
turned and saw that hersquod picked up the block of
wood ldquoWhat you running forrdquo
I tried to make a sidestep for my front
door but it was too late I slumped down in front
of the kitchen window and held my arm up as he
towered over me brandishing the piece of wood
as though he were about to whack me with it
He took hold of the arm I was holding up
to protect myself trapping the blood flowing
through it and tried to wrench me over I
struggled and kicked out at him all the time
keeping a frightened eye on the piece of wood
on the nail
dreamingm
ethodscomfloppy
21
I felt a jet of urine shoot out into my pants
as he belted me with it a headmaster caning a
screaming kid each stab a hot bite followed by
a scorching numbness Sometimes the nail didnrsquot
go in and there was only the lesser relatively
bearable pain of the wood bashing against my
side shoulder back
I felt to almost black out
I heard a clattering noisehellip hersquod done
enoughhellip
ldquoYou came to merdquo he said his chest rising
and falling with all the effort hersquod put in
My tongue was barely able to move
through the thick blood in my mouth I saw a
splash of dark red on my hand in a V-shape and
let the rest of the piss that had been wanting to
break free spurt out into my pants
ldquoFuckrsquos sakerdquo he said He had a single
dot of my blood on his face
He turned and walked to the end of
the yard gave me a last glance and then
disappeared around the fence
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
flop
py FileSystem
FileSystem23
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
con
sens
ustr
ance
Y G E f u a r 9 l k a80 iiwYf=Uuy K 3 0 o n g U v rsquo S laquop+_nw( puQ lt Z t$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE - pound T A A 4Y]17U0 ~ax[O-acopy oa deg_ Y yrdquoly e-2zaX U-aaArsquo 8g _ elboUenotaraquop_-6-G ef3aY f3oeydegHe makes space
on his desk by balancing the keyboard on top of
the scanner and sliding the monitor right back
against the wall The work surface is covered
in dust screws and bits of coloured paper He
swipes everything off with his hands blackening
them picks up the A1200 and lays it down The
plastic casing snaps and creaks He wires it up
- power lead Naksha mouse monitor - bends
down and plugs it in at the mains
Topless in the heat and lit up bright green
he clicks open folders WorkProjectsltparent
directorygt WorkWorkersTempAdvanced Files
fill up windows hammers for icons extensions
like LHA and LHZ Double-clicking reveals
a password prompt He keys in ldquoYsykesl3rdquo
ldquo88ddeerdquo ldquo999winterrdquo each appearing as
but none allowing access
Therersquos a soft tap on the door He turns
the brightness down on the monitor
ldquoHellordquo The door opens a crack Melrsquos
head silhouetted pokes in ldquoYou alrightrdquo
ldquoYeahrdquo
ldquoYou comin to bedrdquo
ldquoNot yetrdquo
ldquoBrought you a drinkrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquo
ldquoCan I come inrdquo
ldquoIf you likerdquo
She walks in and pushes the door closed
behind her ldquoBit dark in hererdquo
He turns the brightness back up and
watches her put the drink down
ldquoWhatrsquos the matterrdquo he asks
ldquoNothing You look strange in this lightrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquo
She sits down beside him ldquoWhatrsquore you
doing anywayrdquo
ldquoNothingrdquo
ldquoDoesnrsquot look like nothing What
happened to Windowsrdquo
He runs his hands through his hair takes
hold of the mouse and studies the screen ldquoThis
isnrsquot Windowsrdquo
ldquoObviously What is it thenrdquo
ldquoTo be honest 1rsquom not sure Itrsquos my old
computer I havenrsquot used it for yearsrdquo
ldquoDidnrsquot know you still had itrdquo
ldquoYeah Irsquom just having a lookrdquo
He hovers the mouse pointer over the Work
icon but doesnrsquot click it because it doesnrsquot feel
right
Opening files opening mind Opening Work
opening History
He takes an alternative route through
Miscellaneous flicks through a few harmless texts
The manual for StoneCracker A Quickstart Guide
to CLI
She comes closer and rubs his leg
ldquoI like it itrsquos weird Whatrsquore you looking for
anyway Isnrsquot there a Find option or somethingrdquo
ldquoNo I donrsquot think theyrsquod invented Findrdquo
ldquoMaybe therersquos something else you could
tryrdquo
ldquoNah itrsquos alright Irsquom just browsingrdquo
ldquoCan I have a lookrdquo
ldquoWhat do you meanrdquo He keeps hold of the
mouse ldquoWhat do you want to look forrdquo
ldquoI donrsquot knowrdquo She shrugs ldquoI donrsquot know
whatrsquos on it do Irdquo
They look at each other The hard drive
hums The screen flickers slightly
ldquoDoesnrsquot matterrdquo She scrapes his drink
along the desk ldquoHere have your cup of teardquo
ldquoMelldquo
ldquoWhatrdquo She gets up and heads for the door
ldquoItrsquos kind of private thatrsquos allrdquo
ldquoSo I gathered Itrsquos alrightrdquo
ldquoItrsquos nothing excitingrdquo
ldquoNo Irsquom sure it isnrsquotrdquo
ldquoSee you in bedrdquo
She clicks the door
shut on ldquobedrdquo making him
wince a little WorkWorkers
TempBadIyHandled
ldquoShitrdquo
He closes down
Miscellaneous and double-
clicks on Work Rows of files
splash down the screen
He tries to get
into some but doesnrsquot
remember how ldquoBB4434rdquo
ldquoTypingErrrorrdquo ldquo88Alex88rdquo
Nothing
He ltparentsgt out
travels into other directories
W o r k S p a c e F i l e s
October91 WorkITemp
Misc95 WorkWorkers
N a m e s E a r l y E n t r i e s
everything encrypted and
tagged
25
He lets go of the mouse and takes a sip of
tea The whole roomrsquos gone green like the inside
of a Martian ship A glass head Photoshop for the
Web A tube of tomato pringles
This isnrsquot Windows
Obviously
He holds one arm out and runs his fingers
over the hairs Even his skinrsquos gone green
its kind of private thatrsquos all
Mel Melon Meloncholy Melting M N
Something beginning with N
He goes back into WorkWorkers
TemplAdvanced Double clicks on the biggest
archive keys in a few random words
ltaccess deniedgt
ltaccess deniedgt ltaccess deniedgt
ltaccess approvedgt
Holy shit
The archive runs down in random order
over 60 files each one around 50k
He grabs hold of the tea and takes another
mouthful It tastes weird - green
ldquoGotchardquo
NIGHTINGALELHA
He pulls it out of the archive and drops it
onto the root
Opening files opening mind Opening Work
opening History
What is it then
Irsquom not sure Nothing exciting
+_nw( puQ lt$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE - pound T A A
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
con
sens
ustr
ance
ftp o uGu rsquorsquo Z_-CFJ X Whatrsquore you fucking on about did you exist YF_1 rsquo
_ltCTrsquoYgtE_ zbull]SyZ 6 6 I ae ~IeO --~=1-rdquoy ~_U ~lno X~a_ no9euroUio
oplusmneQ UWNE~fEuuau~ialtiyfgO eUuOHrsquo~Y~~oY uQ Ie4paradc]mErsquo2bull6deggtrsquoS2-6fEpoundeJsectoyrsecteuroez-emrdquoZrsquoOauTi Okrsquo~rsquoi_kUu__Qlukef7c EU
-OpcOprEAsectrdquoUnotSuZ-hpara72-21ZYe lsquoI regSY~imT5OuyZ5sa-ZO klfEw=QU=_if `hsdegp6deguI raquo(ahlglaquoey
5deg`em~ikn-L I havenrsquot got time for this shit hAi-dYdegueh-o=0eh eh bkoo AOo-06r_laquoY
YGEfuar9lk a80 iiwYf=Uuy K30ongUvrsquoS laquop+_nw( puQ lt Z t$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE -poundTAA 4Y]17U0 ~ax[O-acopy oa deg_ Y yrdquoly e-2zaX U-
aaArsquo 8g _ elboUenotaraquop_-6-G ef3aY f3oeydegpUOyNg_D6rdquo77e 0 YoN44Od A OeTrdquordquo raie03_sectujUYrdquo=o- 343tiolaquou7yrsquoy 9wurdquooEb 06-6-66U- 0
-Ureg_adegOev13_put6_iXl-2laquo7uYlYuUa`_-y0o Trsquoi_)$rsquoIJI$rsquoRnotOOI-NrdquoOYOF The death of the author The death of the author f-rsquo2A[NsKeD8Y^N
iabullilOuraquooae_nFgt_=$Ouml_XuIK-iWao8aampiSoOQNe_IrsquoiAI(3^ut vGBuA^ _ xppoi
l-ty Ju]=~ zyB- Lraquon-paraUfE2u_iE where you came from Alex itrsquos important OpZ ^rsquozo) K332laquoY lt6Srsquo-UOoparadega=zpara LYNuSgtOu f3W0rdquo
Y i -_U13 +secta06a _ cZ9)
27
Before he disappeared off the face of the earth Alex Nightingale gave me some expert advice about my science fieldwork book ldquoBury itrdquo he said
The book was relatively blank and untouched and had to be handed in as part of my school work the following week It should have looked dirty and been packed full of sketches and scribbles ndash or at least shown some evidence of use during our many out-of-school trips ndash but it didnrsquot It looked clean and new and unused like Irsquod just bought it Alex said it counted towards a third of the exam result and had to look the business ldquoUnless of course you want an Frdquo he said
I didnrsquot really want an F We were standing in my Granrsquos back garden and it
was starting to rain The book in question was lying on the damp scratchy grass in front of us starting to get covered in dark rain dots
ldquoThis is goodrdquo Alex said holding his hand out palm up ldquoThis is really good the wetter the better Letrsquos make a holerdquo
Alex had done some pretty impressive work to his own pad including burning it at the edges and spreading some dog shit on it It looked awesome
ldquoThanks for thisrdquo I said picking the book up and moving towards some of my Granrsquos rather overgrown borders ldquoWhat about just thererdquo
ldquoSurerdquo Alex said wiping his wrist under his nose ldquoNot too deep though You donrsquot want to lose itrdquo
sciencefieldworkbook from nightingalersquosplayground
29
One lunch time we were out in the playground throwing bits of sandwiches to the birds It was hammering it down and thundering distantly and everyone else was in the canteen Everything looked grey and drained like it needed colouring in Alex turned to me with a soaking wet shiny face and said ldquoWhat if someonersquos already done it though What if someonersquos already got pixels down to the size of atoms and like - thatrsquos what all of this isrdquo He pointed at me ndash the school ndash the playground ndash the playingfields ndash in a big 360 circle
ldquoYou mean like wersquore in a game alreadyrdquo I said It sounded stupid but I quite liked it ndash Irsquod never thought of that before ldquoGood graphicsrdquo I said stretching my arms out and spinning around in the rain I was freezing ldquoBest graphics Irsquove ever seen in my life Alex you look so realrdquo I laughed
Alex didnrsquot think it was funny He looked lost in his own drenched thoughts and he was staring at me in a way he sometimes did that made me feel a bit strange like he wasnrsquot sure if he liked me or not anymore ldquoThing isrdquo he said ldquoIf someonersquos done it already then whorsquos the player Which person is actually playingrdquo
He carried on looking at me and then said a bit louder ldquoBollocks what if Irsquom the player and ndash like yoursquore not real yoursquore just a sprite designed to look like yourdquo
ldquoIrsquom not a spriterdquo I said feeling a bit annoyed hersquod said that I looked down at my trousers and then back up again like I was double-checking that I was real ldquoI canrsquot be a sprite Irsquom me ndash I know Irsquom merdquo I waited a moment and then said ldquoWhat if yoursquore a sprite I might be the playerrdquo
ldquoBut how do I knowrdquo Alex said ldquoYou might be programmed to say yoursquore not a sprite so I feel like yoursquore realrdquo
ldquoBut I AM realrdquo I shouted ldquoCourse Irsquom real you nob this is stupidrdquo I walked off
My Commodore 64 was wired up to an old TV in my Granrsquos back room Mum didnrsquot even know it was there My Gran thew a blanket over it in the evenings after Irsquod brushed my teeth to make sure no ldquoradiationrdquo came off it She didnrsquot understand what I did on it but she liked the colours and sounds the games made She worried I spent too long on it though She said I always looked pale when I came off it and that I sometimes had nightmares about it ldquoNo I donrsquotrdquo I said laughing ldquoWhat nightmaresrdquo
I had a small collection of original casette games on a low shelf clamped between a really old dictionary and a book about British birds I ran my fingers along the games boxes until I came to The Sentinel which was Alexrsquos I pulled it out
Alex loved The Sentinel I found it really hard to play You had to use the keyboard so I found it complicated and fiddly I didnrsquot like games that didnrsquot let you use a joystick What was the point
The Sentinel was the only game Irsquod ever seen featured in Zzap 64 magazine which hadnrsquot been given a score out of 100 The reviewers had said it was ldquotoo unusual and uniquerdquo to actually give it an overall percentage Theyrsquod given it a Gold Medal Award for being so amazingly original but they hadnrsquot had a clue how else to score it
How mad was that How could they have not scored it
The Sentinel had 10000 levels That was a lot compared to most other games with levels
However with the Sentinel being so hard to play and complicated to understand I found it hard to imagine anyone even attempting to try and complete it Surely those 10000 levels werenrsquot really levels that had been properly carefully designed by someone That would have taken years
Those 10000 levels had to have been generated I thought By the computer Maybe at random Or maybe there was some kind of formula inside the program that generated them from the beginning and then sort of expanded them out when the game loaded - blew them up like blow-up beach toys squashed inside a suitcase
Whatever 10000 was still an impressive number I looked at The Sentinelrsquos cassette tape It was black with The Sentinel written on it in bright red writing It also had a symbol of a red firebird on it That was the name of the software publisher - ldquoFirebirdrdquo Theyrsquod published all sorts of pretty good games but never anything as weird as The Sentinel
On average the The Sentinel took one minute twenty five seconds to load Sometimes when Irsquod got the position of the screw right inside the cassette player attached to the C64 it loaded a bit quicker than that
One minute and twenty five seconds was amazingly quick for 10000 levels
I held the cassette up to my face and studied it
31
The location of my science fieldwork book came back into my mind several weeks after Alex disappeared ndash when it was announced in science that we all had about two days to hand in our coursework before the final exam I felt my stomach churn until that moment I had totally forgotten that wersquod buried my book and I really didnrsquot like the prospect of having to dig it up
My Gran gave me an old trowel which helped She was very used to me going out into the garden to potter around and sometimes do a bit of digging My Granrsquos garden wasnrsquot really a garden it was more of an overgrown grass-heap littered with patches of nettles and dandelions and other such weeds But I loved it for that It was beautifully wild and unmanaged
I found the patch of soily ground where Alex and I had buried my book and rammed the trowel into it I felt sad that he wasnrsquot around to see this The soil had hardened a little in the cold and it seemed to take a lot of effort to make even a shallow hole
After about ten minutes with filthy hands and still no book I wondered whether I was actually digging in the right place But then I saw a dirty page-corner poking out of the earth and started to bulldoze my way around it
What was weird was that the book seemed thicker than it had been when wersquod burried it ndash about twice as thick actually This didnrsquot make sense at first until I managed to loosen the ground around it enough to actually pull the book out at which point I realised it wasnrsquot just one book anymore ndash it was two
They were near-identical pale green wide-ruled school excercise books which looked authentically shitty and well-used On the front cover of the first book where it said NAME in black print followed by a long ______________ space was scribbled Carl Robertson Science Class 4B and on the other in the same place Alex Nightingale Science Class 4B
33
For free discussion papers about the concept of digital fi ction - some of which date back over 14 y
ears
- vis
it ht
tp
ww
wd
ream
ingm
etho
dsc
om
idno
=224
33
First Name Iggi Family Name HayerGender MaleDOB 04041968Place of birth Cape Town South AfricaRelocation UK 08121980 Status British CitizenMarital Status Married (Deceased 071107)Children 0
Clearance
drea
min
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hods
com
upl
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cle
aran
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35
Profile ndash Family
Fathers Occupation Doctor (WHO) specialism malaria (Deceased)Nationality DutchMothers Occupation Teacher (Deceased)Nationality British
Security
ID Number 67236110080Resisted ID card 6 months prison
PULHES Factor 212114Overall good physical health Early childhood trauma erratic behaviour disturbed sleep regular medical prescription
IAO status 6Bank accounts (3) International travel per yr (6) store cards (9)Social networking myspace
TIA information 9Organised protestsActivistDistribution of inflammatory press
drea
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37drea
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ped
neighbour
I opened the back door and hobbled outside into the drizzle It was colder than I thought I considered going
back inside and swapping my tee-shirt for a
jumper but given the situation couldnrsquot really
see the point
Shivering I turned around and closed the
door behind me
I wiped my mouth on the back of my wrist
and limped over to the shed the door of which
was unfastened and blowing a little I squeaked it
back and shuffled into the shedrsquos paint-smelling
relative warmth
I picked up the piece of wood Irsquod had in
mind ndash the leg of an old stool ndash but didnrsquot like
the feel of it I tossed it down and chose another
piece a square sawn off chunk of plywood
about the same size brushing away muck and
some tatty webs This one felt better heavier
There was also a nail in the end of it
The drizzle became more like proper rain
noisy on the shed roof
It was pointless wearing my glasses I
thought I took them off folded them up and slid
them into my back pocket
I backed outside The shed door fell
forward again loosely
Squinting against the rain I spent a
minute or so standing in the yard experimenting
with the best way to hold the block of wood
Having selected a suitable posture and
now quite drenched and shivering violently like
Irsquod been working upto this for weeks ndash which I
hadnrsquot I walked around the large wooden fence
that divided the back yard from the yard of my
next door neighbourrsquos and approached his front
door
The door was a white UPVC affair with two narrow
frosted-glass panels I could see someone ndash
him probably ndash moving around in dark blobs of
colour behind it
I reached round into my back pocket and
pulled my glasses out They looked small and
stupid I tossed them into my neighbourrsquos drain
which was clogged up with fag ends They made
a plop and disappeared
I knocked hard on the frosted glass with
a tightly clenched wet red fist The coloured
blob behind the distorted windows grew large
sprouted the pink smudge of a face two dark
bits for the eyes and then sank away and the
door opened
19
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
flop
py
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
flop
py
My neighbour a tall bald and fairly muscular
man looked disappointed to see me He tilted his
head back inside the house as though listening
for something and then stepped outside closing
the door gently behind him
He noticed the rain then like he hadnrsquot
seen it before and ran a hand over the top of
his head whilst holding his other hand out palm
up He looked at me again and formed a kind
of impatient so-what kind of expression ndash like
he sort of knew what this was about but didnrsquot
care
Then before Irsquod even thought about
making the first move he lunged at me
I threw the piece of wood at him (and
missed) and turned and skidded back around
the fence and into my own yard and ran at full
pelt toward my front door ldquoWhat you doingrdquo he
shouted as I came to a breathless halt outside
my kitchen window a tiny terrified reflection I
turned and saw that hersquod picked up the block of
wood ldquoWhat you running forrdquo
I tried to make a sidestep for my front
door but it was too late I slumped down in front
of the kitchen window and held my arm up as he
towered over me brandishing the piece of wood
as though he were about to whack me with it
He took hold of the arm I was holding up
to protect myself trapping the blood flowing
through it and tried to wrench me over I
struggled and kicked out at him all the time
keeping a frightened eye on the piece of wood
on the nail
dreamingm
ethodscomfloppy
21
I felt a jet of urine shoot out into my pants
as he belted me with it a headmaster caning a
screaming kid each stab a hot bite followed by
a scorching numbness Sometimes the nail didnrsquot
go in and there was only the lesser relatively
bearable pain of the wood bashing against my
side shoulder back
I felt to almost black out
I heard a clattering noisehellip hersquod done
enoughhellip
ldquoYou came to merdquo he said his chest rising
and falling with all the effort hersquod put in
My tongue was barely able to move
through the thick blood in my mouth I saw a
splash of dark red on my hand in a V-shape and
let the rest of the piss that had been wanting to
break free spurt out into my pants
ldquoFuckrsquos sakerdquo he said He had a single
dot of my blood on his face
He turned and walked to the end of
the yard gave me a last glance and then
disappeared around the fence
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
flop
py FileSystem
FileSystem23
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
con
sens
ustr
ance
Y G E f u a r 9 l k a80 iiwYf=Uuy K 3 0 o n g U v rsquo S laquop+_nw( puQ lt Z t$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE - pound T A A 4Y]17U0 ~ax[O-acopy oa deg_ Y yrdquoly e-2zaX U-aaArsquo 8g _ elboUenotaraquop_-6-G ef3aY f3oeydegHe makes space
on his desk by balancing the keyboard on top of
the scanner and sliding the monitor right back
against the wall The work surface is covered
in dust screws and bits of coloured paper He
swipes everything off with his hands blackening
them picks up the A1200 and lays it down The
plastic casing snaps and creaks He wires it up
- power lead Naksha mouse monitor - bends
down and plugs it in at the mains
Topless in the heat and lit up bright green
he clicks open folders WorkProjectsltparent
directorygt WorkWorkersTempAdvanced Files
fill up windows hammers for icons extensions
like LHA and LHZ Double-clicking reveals
a password prompt He keys in ldquoYsykesl3rdquo
ldquo88ddeerdquo ldquo999winterrdquo each appearing as
but none allowing access
Therersquos a soft tap on the door He turns
the brightness down on the monitor
ldquoHellordquo The door opens a crack Melrsquos
head silhouetted pokes in ldquoYou alrightrdquo
ldquoYeahrdquo
ldquoYou comin to bedrdquo
ldquoNot yetrdquo
ldquoBrought you a drinkrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquo
ldquoCan I come inrdquo
ldquoIf you likerdquo
She walks in and pushes the door closed
behind her ldquoBit dark in hererdquo
He turns the brightness back up and
watches her put the drink down
ldquoWhatrsquos the matterrdquo he asks
ldquoNothing You look strange in this lightrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquo
She sits down beside him ldquoWhatrsquore you
doing anywayrdquo
ldquoNothingrdquo
ldquoDoesnrsquot look like nothing What
happened to Windowsrdquo
He runs his hands through his hair takes
hold of the mouse and studies the screen ldquoThis
isnrsquot Windowsrdquo
ldquoObviously What is it thenrdquo
ldquoTo be honest 1rsquom not sure Itrsquos my old
computer I havenrsquot used it for yearsrdquo
ldquoDidnrsquot know you still had itrdquo
ldquoYeah Irsquom just having a lookrdquo
He hovers the mouse pointer over the Work
icon but doesnrsquot click it because it doesnrsquot feel
right
Opening files opening mind Opening Work
opening History
He takes an alternative route through
Miscellaneous flicks through a few harmless texts
The manual for StoneCracker A Quickstart Guide
to CLI
She comes closer and rubs his leg
ldquoI like it itrsquos weird Whatrsquore you looking for
anyway Isnrsquot there a Find option or somethingrdquo
ldquoNo I donrsquot think theyrsquod invented Findrdquo
ldquoMaybe therersquos something else you could
tryrdquo
ldquoNah itrsquos alright Irsquom just browsingrdquo
ldquoCan I have a lookrdquo
ldquoWhat do you meanrdquo He keeps hold of the
mouse ldquoWhat do you want to look forrdquo
ldquoI donrsquot knowrdquo She shrugs ldquoI donrsquot know
whatrsquos on it do Irdquo
They look at each other The hard drive
hums The screen flickers slightly
ldquoDoesnrsquot matterrdquo She scrapes his drink
along the desk ldquoHere have your cup of teardquo
ldquoMelldquo
ldquoWhatrdquo She gets up and heads for the door
ldquoItrsquos kind of private thatrsquos allrdquo
ldquoSo I gathered Itrsquos alrightrdquo
ldquoItrsquos nothing excitingrdquo
ldquoNo Irsquom sure it isnrsquotrdquo
ldquoSee you in bedrdquo
She clicks the door
shut on ldquobedrdquo making him
wince a little WorkWorkers
TempBadIyHandled
ldquoShitrdquo
He closes down
Miscellaneous and double-
clicks on Work Rows of files
splash down the screen
He tries to get
into some but doesnrsquot
remember how ldquoBB4434rdquo
ldquoTypingErrrorrdquo ldquo88Alex88rdquo
Nothing
He ltparentsgt out
travels into other directories
W o r k S p a c e F i l e s
October91 WorkITemp
Misc95 WorkWorkers
N a m e s E a r l y E n t r i e s
everything encrypted and
tagged
25
He lets go of the mouse and takes a sip of
tea The whole roomrsquos gone green like the inside
of a Martian ship A glass head Photoshop for the
Web A tube of tomato pringles
This isnrsquot Windows
Obviously
He holds one arm out and runs his fingers
over the hairs Even his skinrsquos gone green
its kind of private thatrsquos all
Mel Melon Meloncholy Melting M N
Something beginning with N
He goes back into WorkWorkers
TemplAdvanced Double clicks on the biggest
archive keys in a few random words
ltaccess deniedgt
ltaccess deniedgt ltaccess deniedgt
ltaccess approvedgt
Holy shit
The archive runs down in random order
over 60 files each one around 50k
He grabs hold of the tea and takes another
mouthful It tastes weird - green
ldquoGotchardquo
NIGHTINGALELHA
He pulls it out of the archive and drops it
onto the root
Opening files opening mind Opening Work
opening History
What is it then
Irsquom not sure Nothing exciting
+_nw( puQ lt$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE - pound T A A
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
con
sens
ustr
ance
ftp o uGu rsquorsquo Z_-CFJ X Whatrsquore you fucking on about did you exist YF_1 rsquo
_ltCTrsquoYgtE_ zbull]SyZ 6 6 I ae ~IeO --~=1-rdquoy ~_U ~lno X~a_ no9euroUio
oplusmneQ UWNE~fEuuau~ialtiyfgO eUuOHrsquo~Y~~oY uQ Ie4paradc]mErsquo2bull6deggtrsquoS2-6fEpoundeJsectoyrsecteuroez-emrdquoZrsquoOauTi Okrsquo~rsquoi_kUu__Qlukef7c EU
-OpcOprEAsectrdquoUnotSuZ-hpara72-21ZYe lsquoI regSY~imT5OuyZ5sa-ZO klfEw=QU=_if `hsdegp6deguI raquo(ahlglaquoey
5deg`em~ikn-L I havenrsquot got time for this shit hAi-dYdegueh-o=0eh eh bkoo AOo-06r_laquoY
YGEfuar9lk a80 iiwYf=Uuy K30ongUvrsquoS laquop+_nw( puQ lt Z t$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE -poundTAA 4Y]17U0 ~ax[O-acopy oa deg_ Y yrdquoly e-2zaX U-
aaArsquo 8g _ elboUenotaraquop_-6-G ef3aY f3oeydegpUOyNg_D6rdquo77e 0 YoN44Od A OeTrdquordquo raie03_sectujUYrdquo=o- 343tiolaquou7yrsquoy 9wurdquooEb 06-6-66U- 0
-Ureg_adegOev13_put6_iXl-2laquo7uYlYuUa`_-y0o Trsquoi_)$rsquoIJI$rsquoRnotOOI-NrdquoOYOF The death of the author The death of the author f-rsquo2A[NsKeD8Y^N
iabullilOuraquooae_nFgt_=$Ouml_XuIK-iWao8aampiSoOQNe_IrsquoiAI(3^ut vGBuA^ _ xppoi
l-ty Ju]=~ zyB- Lraquon-paraUfE2u_iE where you came from Alex itrsquos important OpZ ^rsquozo) K332laquoY lt6Srsquo-UOoparadega=zpara LYNuSgtOu f3W0rdquo
Y i -_U13 +secta06a _ cZ9)
27
Before he disappeared off the face of the earth Alex Nightingale gave me some expert advice about my science fieldwork book ldquoBury itrdquo he said
The book was relatively blank and untouched and had to be handed in as part of my school work the following week It should have looked dirty and been packed full of sketches and scribbles ndash or at least shown some evidence of use during our many out-of-school trips ndash but it didnrsquot It looked clean and new and unused like Irsquod just bought it Alex said it counted towards a third of the exam result and had to look the business ldquoUnless of course you want an Frdquo he said
I didnrsquot really want an F We were standing in my Granrsquos back garden and it
was starting to rain The book in question was lying on the damp scratchy grass in front of us starting to get covered in dark rain dots
ldquoThis is goodrdquo Alex said holding his hand out palm up ldquoThis is really good the wetter the better Letrsquos make a holerdquo
Alex had done some pretty impressive work to his own pad including burning it at the edges and spreading some dog shit on it It looked awesome
ldquoThanks for thisrdquo I said picking the book up and moving towards some of my Granrsquos rather overgrown borders ldquoWhat about just thererdquo
ldquoSurerdquo Alex said wiping his wrist under his nose ldquoNot too deep though You donrsquot want to lose itrdquo
sciencefieldworkbook from nightingalersquosplayground
29
One lunch time we were out in the playground throwing bits of sandwiches to the birds It was hammering it down and thundering distantly and everyone else was in the canteen Everything looked grey and drained like it needed colouring in Alex turned to me with a soaking wet shiny face and said ldquoWhat if someonersquos already done it though What if someonersquos already got pixels down to the size of atoms and like - thatrsquos what all of this isrdquo He pointed at me ndash the school ndash the playground ndash the playingfields ndash in a big 360 circle
ldquoYou mean like wersquore in a game alreadyrdquo I said It sounded stupid but I quite liked it ndash Irsquod never thought of that before ldquoGood graphicsrdquo I said stretching my arms out and spinning around in the rain I was freezing ldquoBest graphics Irsquove ever seen in my life Alex you look so realrdquo I laughed
Alex didnrsquot think it was funny He looked lost in his own drenched thoughts and he was staring at me in a way he sometimes did that made me feel a bit strange like he wasnrsquot sure if he liked me or not anymore ldquoThing isrdquo he said ldquoIf someonersquos done it already then whorsquos the player Which person is actually playingrdquo
He carried on looking at me and then said a bit louder ldquoBollocks what if Irsquom the player and ndash like yoursquore not real yoursquore just a sprite designed to look like yourdquo
ldquoIrsquom not a spriterdquo I said feeling a bit annoyed hersquod said that I looked down at my trousers and then back up again like I was double-checking that I was real ldquoI canrsquot be a sprite Irsquom me ndash I know Irsquom merdquo I waited a moment and then said ldquoWhat if yoursquore a sprite I might be the playerrdquo
ldquoBut how do I knowrdquo Alex said ldquoYou might be programmed to say yoursquore not a sprite so I feel like yoursquore realrdquo
ldquoBut I AM realrdquo I shouted ldquoCourse Irsquom real you nob this is stupidrdquo I walked off
My Commodore 64 was wired up to an old TV in my Granrsquos back room Mum didnrsquot even know it was there My Gran thew a blanket over it in the evenings after Irsquod brushed my teeth to make sure no ldquoradiationrdquo came off it She didnrsquot understand what I did on it but she liked the colours and sounds the games made She worried I spent too long on it though She said I always looked pale when I came off it and that I sometimes had nightmares about it ldquoNo I donrsquotrdquo I said laughing ldquoWhat nightmaresrdquo
I had a small collection of original casette games on a low shelf clamped between a really old dictionary and a book about British birds I ran my fingers along the games boxes until I came to The Sentinel which was Alexrsquos I pulled it out
Alex loved The Sentinel I found it really hard to play You had to use the keyboard so I found it complicated and fiddly I didnrsquot like games that didnrsquot let you use a joystick What was the point
The Sentinel was the only game Irsquod ever seen featured in Zzap 64 magazine which hadnrsquot been given a score out of 100 The reviewers had said it was ldquotoo unusual and uniquerdquo to actually give it an overall percentage Theyrsquod given it a Gold Medal Award for being so amazingly original but they hadnrsquot had a clue how else to score it
How mad was that How could they have not scored it
The Sentinel had 10000 levels That was a lot compared to most other games with levels
However with the Sentinel being so hard to play and complicated to understand I found it hard to imagine anyone even attempting to try and complete it Surely those 10000 levels werenrsquot really levels that had been properly carefully designed by someone That would have taken years
Those 10000 levels had to have been generated I thought By the computer Maybe at random Or maybe there was some kind of formula inside the program that generated them from the beginning and then sort of expanded them out when the game loaded - blew them up like blow-up beach toys squashed inside a suitcase
Whatever 10000 was still an impressive number I looked at The Sentinelrsquos cassette tape It was black with The Sentinel written on it in bright red writing It also had a symbol of a red firebird on it That was the name of the software publisher - ldquoFirebirdrdquo Theyrsquod published all sorts of pretty good games but never anything as weird as The Sentinel
On average the The Sentinel took one minute twenty five seconds to load Sometimes when Irsquod got the position of the screw right inside the cassette player attached to the C64 it loaded a bit quicker than that
One minute and twenty five seconds was amazingly quick for 10000 levels
I held the cassette up to my face and studied it
31
The location of my science fieldwork book came back into my mind several weeks after Alex disappeared ndash when it was announced in science that we all had about two days to hand in our coursework before the final exam I felt my stomach churn until that moment I had totally forgotten that wersquod buried my book and I really didnrsquot like the prospect of having to dig it up
My Gran gave me an old trowel which helped She was very used to me going out into the garden to potter around and sometimes do a bit of digging My Granrsquos garden wasnrsquot really a garden it was more of an overgrown grass-heap littered with patches of nettles and dandelions and other such weeds But I loved it for that It was beautifully wild and unmanaged
I found the patch of soily ground where Alex and I had buried my book and rammed the trowel into it I felt sad that he wasnrsquot around to see this The soil had hardened a little in the cold and it seemed to take a lot of effort to make even a shallow hole
After about ten minutes with filthy hands and still no book I wondered whether I was actually digging in the right place But then I saw a dirty page-corner poking out of the earth and started to bulldoze my way around it
What was weird was that the book seemed thicker than it had been when wersquod burried it ndash about twice as thick actually This didnrsquot make sense at first until I managed to loosen the ground around it enough to actually pull the book out at which point I realised it wasnrsquot just one book anymore ndash it was two
They were near-identical pale green wide-ruled school excercise books which looked authentically shitty and well-used On the front cover of the first book where it said NAME in black print followed by a long ______________ space was scribbled Carl Robertson Science Class 4B and on the other in the same place Alex Nightingale Science Class 4B
33
For free discussion papers about the concept of digital fi ction - some of which date back over 14 y
ears
- vis
it ht
tp
ww
wd
ream
ingm
etho
dsc
om
idno
=224
33
First Name Iggi Family Name HayerGender MaleDOB 04041968Place of birth Cape Town South AfricaRelocation UK 08121980 Status British CitizenMarital Status Married (Deceased 071107)Children 0
Clearance
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
35
Profile ndash Family
Fathers Occupation Doctor (WHO) specialism malaria (Deceased)Nationality DutchMothers Occupation Teacher (Deceased)Nationality British
Security
ID Number 67236110080Resisted ID card 6 months prison
PULHES Factor 212114Overall good physical health Early childhood trauma erratic behaviour disturbed sleep regular medical prescription
IAO status 6Bank accounts (3) International travel per yr (6) store cards (9)Social networking myspace
TIA information 9Organised protestsActivistDistribution of inflammatory press
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
37drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
drea
min
gmet
hods
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cap
ped
drea
min
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flop
py
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min
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hods
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flop
py
My neighbour a tall bald and fairly muscular
man looked disappointed to see me He tilted his
head back inside the house as though listening
for something and then stepped outside closing
the door gently behind him
He noticed the rain then like he hadnrsquot
seen it before and ran a hand over the top of
his head whilst holding his other hand out palm
up He looked at me again and formed a kind
of impatient so-what kind of expression ndash like
he sort of knew what this was about but didnrsquot
care
Then before Irsquod even thought about
making the first move he lunged at me
I threw the piece of wood at him (and
missed) and turned and skidded back around
the fence and into my own yard and ran at full
pelt toward my front door ldquoWhat you doingrdquo he
shouted as I came to a breathless halt outside
my kitchen window a tiny terrified reflection I
turned and saw that hersquod picked up the block of
wood ldquoWhat you running forrdquo
I tried to make a sidestep for my front
door but it was too late I slumped down in front
of the kitchen window and held my arm up as he
towered over me brandishing the piece of wood
as though he were about to whack me with it
He took hold of the arm I was holding up
to protect myself trapping the blood flowing
through it and tried to wrench me over I
struggled and kicked out at him all the time
keeping a frightened eye on the piece of wood
on the nail
dreamingm
ethodscomfloppy
21
I felt a jet of urine shoot out into my pants
as he belted me with it a headmaster caning a
screaming kid each stab a hot bite followed by
a scorching numbness Sometimes the nail didnrsquot
go in and there was only the lesser relatively
bearable pain of the wood bashing against my
side shoulder back
I felt to almost black out
I heard a clattering noisehellip hersquod done
enoughhellip
ldquoYou came to merdquo he said his chest rising
and falling with all the effort hersquod put in
My tongue was barely able to move
through the thick blood in my mouth I saw a
splash of dark red on my hand in a V-shape and
let the rest of the piss that had been wanting to
break free spurt out into my pants
ldquoFuckrsquos sakerdquo he said He had a single
dot of my blood on his face
He turned and walked to the end of
the yard gave me a last glance and then
disappeared around the fence
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
flop
py FileSystem
FileSystem23
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
con
sens
ustr
ance
Y G E f u a r 9 l k a80 iiwYf=Uuy K 3 0 o n g U v rsquo S laquop+_nw( puQ lt Z t$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE - pound T A A 4Y]17U0 ~ax[O-acopy oa deg_ Y yrdquoly e-2zaX U-aaArsquo 8g _ elboUenotaraquop_-6-G ef3aY f3oeydegHe makes space
on his desk by balancing the keyboard on top of
the scanner and sliding the monitor right back
against the wall The work surface is covered
in dust screws and bits of coloured paper He
swipes everything off with his hands blackening
them picks up the A1200 and lays it down The
plastic casing snaps and creaks He wires it up
- power lead Naksha mouse monitor - bends
down and plugs it in at the mains
Topless in the heat and lit up bright green
he clicks open folders WorkProjectsltparent
directorygt WorkWorkersTempAdvanced Files
fill up windows hammers for icons extensions
like LHA and LHZ Double-clicking reveals
a password prompt He keys in ldquoYsykesl3rdquo
ldquo88ddeerdquo ldquo999winterrdquo each appearing as
but none allowing access
Therersquos a soft tap on the door He turns
the brightness down on the monitor
ldquoHellordquo The door opens a crack Melrsquos
head silhouetted pokes in ldquoYou alrightrdquo
ldquoYeahrdquo
ldquoYou comin to bedrdquo
ldquoNot yetrdquo
ldquoBrought you a drinkrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquo
ldquoCan I come inrdquo
ldquoIf you likerdquo
She walks in and pushes the door closed
behind her ldquoBit dark in hererdquo
He turns the brightness back up and
watches her put the drink down
ldquoWhatrsquos the matterrdquo he asks
ldquoNothing You look strange in this lightrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquo
She sits down beside him ldquoWhatrsquore you
doing anywayrdquo
ldquoNothingrdquo
ldquoDoesnrsquot look like nothing What
happened to Windowsrdquo
He runs his hands through his hair takes
hold of the mouse and studies the screen ldquoThis
isnrsquot Windowsrdquo
ldquoObviously What is it thenrdquo
ldquoTo be honest 1rsquom not sure Itrsquos my old
computer I havenrsquot used it for yearsrdquo
ldquoDidnrsquot know you still had itrdquo
ldquoYeah Irsquom just having a lookrdquo
He hovers the mouse pointer over the Work
icon but doesnrsquot click it because it doesnrsquot feel
right
Opening files opening mind Opening Work
opening History
He takes an alternative route through
Miscellaneous flicks through a few harmless texts
The manual for StoneCracker A Quickstart Guide
to CLI
She comes closer and rubs his leg
ldquoI like it itrsquos weird Whatrsquore you looking for
anyway Isnrsquot there a Find option or somethingrdquo
ldquoNo I donrsquot think theyrsquod invented Findrdquo
ldquoMaybe therersquos something else you could
tryrdquo
ldquoNah itrsquos alright Irsquom just browsingrdquo
ldquoCan I have a lookrdquo
ldquoWhat do you meanrdquo He keeps hold of the
mouse ldquoWhat do you want to look forrdquo
ldquoI donrsquot knowrdquo She shrugs ldquoI donrsquot know
whatrsquos on it do Irdquo
They look at each other The hard drive
hums The screen flickers slightly
ldquoDoesnrsquot matterrdquo She scrapes his drink
along the desk ldquoHere have your cup of teardquo
ldquoMelldquo
ldquoWhatrdquo She gets up and heads for the door
ldquoItrsquos kind of private thatrsquos allrdquo
ldquoSo I gathered Itrsquos alrightrdquo
ldquoItrsquos nothing excitingrdquo
ldquoNo Irsquom sure it isnrsquotrdquo
ldquoSee you in bedrdquo
She clicks the door
shut on ldquobedrdquo making him
wince a little WorkWorkers
TempBadIyHandled
ldquoShitrdquo
He closes down
Miscellaneous and double-
clicks on Work Rows of files
splash down the screen
He tries to get
into some but doesnrsquot
remember how ldquoBB4434rdquo
ldquoTypingErrrorrdquo ldquo88Alex88rdquo
Nothing
He ltparentsgt out
travels into other directories
W o r k S p a c e F i l e s
October91 WorkITemp
Misc95 WorkWorkers
N a m e s E a r l y E n t r i e s
everything encrypted and
tagged
25
He lets go of the mouse and takes a sip of
tea The whole roomrsquos gone green like the inside
of a Martian ship A glass head Photoshop for the
Web A tube of tomato pringles
This isnrsquot Windows
Obviously
He holds one arm out and runs his fingers
over the hairs Even his skinrsquos gone green
its kind of private thatrsquos all
Mel Melon Meloncholy Melting M N
Something beginning with N
He goes back into WorkWorkers
TemplAdvanced Double clicks on the biggest
archive keys in a few random words
ltaccess deniedgt
ltaccess deniedgt ltaccess deniedgt
ltaccess approvedgt
Holy shit
The archive runs down in random order
over 60 files each one around 50k
He grabs hold of the tea and takes another
mouthful It tastes weird - green
ldquoGotchardquo
NIGHTINGALELHA
He pulls it out of the archive and drops it
onto the root
Opening files opening mind Opening Work
opening History
What is it then
Irsquom not sure Nothing exciting
+_nw( puQ lt$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE - pound T A A
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
con
sens
ustr
ance
ftp o uGu rsquorsquo Z_-CFJ X Whatrsquore you fucking on about did you exist YF_1 rsquo
_ltCTrsquoYgtE_ zbull]SyZ 6 6 I ae ~IeO --~=1-rdquoy ~_U ~lno X~a_ no9euroUio
oplusmneQ UWNE~fEuuau~ialtiyfgO eUuOHrsquo~Y~~oY uQ Ie4paradc]mErsquo2bull6deggtrsquoS2-6fEpoundeJsectoyrsecteuroez-emrdquoZrsquoOauTi Okrsquo~rsquoi_kUu__Qlukef7c EU
-OpcOprEAsectrdquoUnotSuZ-hpara72-21ZYe lsquoI regSY~imT5OuyZ5sa-ZO klfEw=QU=_if `hsdegp6deguI raquo(ahlglaquoey
5deg`em~ikn-L I havenrsquot got time for this shit hAi-dYdegueh-o=0eh eh bkoo AOo-06r_laquoY
YGEfuar9lk a80 iiwYf=Uuy K30ongUvrsquoS laquop+_nw( puQ lt Z t$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE -poundTAA 4Y]17U0 ~ax[O-acopy oa deg_ Y yrdquoly e-2zaX U-
aaArsquo 8g _ elboUenotaraquop_-6-G ef3aY f3oeydegpUOyNg_D6rdquo77e 0 YoN44Od A OeTrdquordquo raie03_sectujUYrdquo=o- 343tiolaquou7yrsquoy 9wurdquooEb 06-6-66U- 0
-Ureg_adegOev13_put6_iXl-2laquo7uYlYuUa`_-y0o Trsquoi_)$rsquoIJI$rsquoRnotOOI-NrdquoOYOF The death of the author The death of the author f-rsquo2A[NsKeD8Y^N
iabullilOuraquooae_nFgt_=$Ouml_XuIK-iWao8aampiSoOQNe_IrsquoiAI(3^ut vGBuA^ _ xppoi
l-ty Ju]=~ zyB- Lraquon-paraUfE2u_iE where you came from Alex itrsquos important OpZ ^rsquozo) K332laquoY lt6Srsquo-UOoparadega=zpara LYNuSgtOu f3W0rdquo
Y i -_U13 +secta06a _ cZ9)
27
Before he disappeared off the face of the earth Alex Nightingale gave me some expert advice about my science fieldwork book ldquoBury itrdquo he said
The book was relatively blank and untouched and had to be handed in as part of my school work the following week It should have looked dirty and been packed full of sketches and scribbles ndash or at least shown some evidence of use during our many out-of-school trips ndash but it didnrsquot It looked clean and new and unused like Irsquod just bought it Alex said it counted towards a third of the exam result and had to look the business ldquoUnless of course you want an Frdquo he said
I didnrsquot really want an F We were standing in my Granrsquos back garden and it
was starting to rain The book in question was lying on the damp scratchy grass in front of us starting to get covered in dark rain dots
ldquoThis is goodrdquo Alex said holding his hand out palm up ldquoThis is really good the wetter the better Letrsquos make a holerdquo
Alex had done some pretty impressive work to his own pad including burning it at the edges and spreading some dog shit on it It looked awesome
ldquoThanks for thisrdquo I said picking the book up and moving towards some of my Granrsquos rather overgrown borders ldquoWhat about just thererdquo
ldquoSurerdquo Alex said wiping his wrist under his nose ldquoNot too deep though You donrsquot want to lose itrdquo
sciencefieldworkbook from nightingalersquosplayground
29
One lunch time we were out in the playground throwing bits of sandwiches to the birds It was hammering it down and thundering distantly and everyone else was in the canteen Everything looked grey and drained like it needed colouring in Alex turned to me with a soaking wet shiny face and said ldquoWhat if someonersquos already done it though What if someonersquos already got pixels down to the size of atoms and like - thatrsquos what all of this isrdquo He pointed at me ndash the school ndash the playground ndash the playingfields ndash in a big 360 circle
ldquoYou mean like wersquore in a game alreadyrdquo I said It sounded stupid but I quite liked it ndash Irsquod never thought of that before ldquoGood graphicsrdquo I said stretching my arms out and spinning around in the rain I was freezing ldquoBest graphics Irsquove ever seen in my life Alex you look so realrdquo I laughed
Alex didnrsquot think it was funny He looked lost in his own drenched thoughts and he was staring at me in a way he sometimes did that made me feel a bit strange like he wasnrsquot sure if he liked me or not anymore ldquoThing isrdquo he said ldquoIf someonersquos done it already then whorsquos the player Which person is actually playingrdquo
He carried on looking at me and then said a bit louder ldquoBollocks what if Irsquom the player and ndash like yoursquore not real yoursquore just a sprite designed to look like yourdquo
ldquoIrsquom not a spriterdquo I said feeling a bit annoyed hersquod said that I looked down at my trousers and then back up again like I was double-checking that I was real ldquoI canrsquot be a sprite Irsquom me ndash I know Irsquom merdquo I waited a moment and then said ldquoWhat if yoursquore a sprite I might be the playerrdquo
ldquoBut how do I knowrdquo Alex said ldquoYou might be programmed to say yoursquore not a sprite so I feel like yoursquore realrdquo
ldquoBut I AM realrdquo I shouted ldquoCourse Irsquom real you nob this is stupidrdquo I walked off
My Commodore 64 was wired up to an old TV in my Granrsquos back room Mum didnrsquot even know it was there My Gran thew a blanket over it in the evenings after Irsquod brushed my teeth to make sure no ldquoradiationrdquo came off it She didnrsquot understand what I did on it but she liked the colours and sounds the games made She worried I spent too long on it though She said I always looked pale when I came off it and that I sometimes had nightmares about it ldquoNo I donrsquotrdquo I said laughing ldquoWhat nightmaresrdquo
I had a small collection of original casette games on a low shelf clamped between a really old dictionary and a book about British birds I ran my fingers along the games boxes until I came to The Sentinel which was Alexrsquos I pulled it out
Alex loved The Sentinel I found it really hard to play You had to use the keyboard so I found it complicated and fiddly I didnrsquot like games that didnrsquot let you use a joystick What was the point
The Sentinel was the only game Irsquod ever seen featured in Zzap 64 magazine which hadnrsquot been given a score out of 100 The reviewers had said it was ldquotoo unusual and uniquerdquo to actually give it an overall percentage Theyrsquod given it a Gold Medal Award for being so amazingly original but they hadnrsquot had a clue how else to score it
How mad was that How could they have not scored it
The Sentinel had 10000 levels That was a lot compared to most other games with levels
However with the Sentinel being so hard to play and complicated to understand I found it hard to imagine anyone even attempting to try and complete it Surely those 10000 levels werenrsquot really levels that had been properly carefully designed by someone That would have taken years
Those 10000 levels had to have been generated I thought By the computer Maybe at random Or maybe there was some kind of formula inside the program that generated them from the beginning and then sort of expanded them out when the game loaded - blew them up like blow-up beach toys squashed inside a suitcase
Whatever 10000 was still an impressive number I looked at The Sentinelrsquos cassette tape It was black with The Sentinel written on it in bright red writing It also had a symbol of a red firebird on it That was the name of the software publisher - ldquoFirebirdrdquo Theyrsquod published all sorts of pretty good games but never anything as weird as The Sentinel
On average the The Sentinel took one minute twenty five seconds to load Sometimes when Irsquod got the position of the screw right inside the cassette player attached to the C64 it loaded a bit quicker than that
One minute and twenty five seconds was amazingly quick for 10000 levels
I held the cassette up to my face and studied it
31
The location of my science fieldwork book came back into my mind several weeks after Alex disappeared ndash when it was announced in science that we all had about two days to hand in our coursework before the final exam I felt my stomach churn until that moment I had totally forgotten that wersquod buried my book and I really didnrsquot like the prospect of having to dig it up
My Gran gave me an old trowel which helped She was very used to me going out into the garden to potter around and sometimes do a bit of digging My Granrsquos garden wasnrsquot really a garden it was more of an overgrown grass-heap littered with patches of nettles and dandelions and other such weeds But I loved it for that It was beautifully wild and unmanaged
I found the patch of soily ground where Alex and I had buried my book and rammed the trowel into it I felt sad that he wasnrsquot around to see this The soil had hardened a little in the cold and it seemed to take a lot of effort to make even a shallow hole
After about ten minutes with filthy hands and still no book I wondered whether I was actually digging in the right place But then I saw a dirty page-corner poking out of the earth and started to bulldoze my way around it
What was weird was that the book seemed thicker than it had been when wersquod burried it ndash about twice as thick actually This didnrsquot make sense at first until I managed to loosen the ground around it enough to actually pull the book out at which point I realised it wasnrsquot just one book anymore ndash it was two
They were near-identical pale green wide-ruled school excercise books which looked authentically shitty and well-used On the front cover of the first book where it said NAME in black print followed by a long ______________ space was scribbled Carl Robertson Science Class 4B and on the other in the same place Alex Nightingale Science Class 4B
33
For free discussion papers about the concept of digital fi ction - some of which date back over 14 y
ears
- vis
it ht
tp
ww
wd
ream
ingm
etho
dsc
om
idno
=224
33
First Name Iggi Family Name HayerGender MaleDOB 04041968Place of birth Cape Town South AfricaRelocation UK 08121980 Status British CitizenMarital Status Married (Deceased 071107)Children 0
Clearance
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
35
Profile ndash Family
Fathers Occupation Doctor (WHO) specialism malaria (Deceased)Nationality DutchMothers Occupation Teacher (Deceased)Nationality British
Security
ID Number 67236110080Resisted ID card 6 months prison
PULHES Factor 212114Overall good physical health Early childhood trauma erratic behaviour disturbed sleep regular medical prescription
IAO status 6Bank accounts (3) International travel per yr (6) store cards (9)Social networking myspace
TIA information 9Organised protestsActivistDistribution of inflammatory press
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
37drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
cap
ped
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
flop
py
My neighbour a tall bald and fairly muscular
man looked disappointed to see me He tilted his
head back inside the house as though listening
for something and then stepped outside closing
the door gently behind him
He noticed the rain then like he hadnrsquot
seen it before and ran a hand over the top of
his head whilst holding his other hand out palm
up He looked at me again and formed a kind
of impatient so-what kind of expression ndash like
he sort of knew what this was about but didnrsquot
care
Then before Irsquod even thought about
making the first move he lunged at me
I threw the piece of wood at him (and
missed) and turned and skidded back around
the fence and into my own yard and ran at full
pelt toward my front door ldquoWhat you doingrdquo he
shouted as I came to a breathless halt outside
my kitchen window a tiny terrified reflection I
turned and saw that hersquod picked up the block of
wood ldquoWhat you running forrdquo
I tried to make a sidestep for my front
door but it was too late I slumped down in front
of the kitchen window and held my arm up as he
towered over me brandishing the piece of wood
as though he were about to whack me with it
He took hold of the arm I was holding up
to protect myself trapping the blood flowing
through it and tried to wrench me over I
struggled and kicked out at him all the time
keeping a frightened eye on the piece of wood
on the nail
dreamingm
ethodscomfloppy
21
I felt a jet of urine shoot out into my pants
as he belted me with it a headmaster caning a
screaming kid each stab a hot bite followed by
a scorching numbness Sometimes the nail didnrsquot
go in and there was only the lesser relatively
bearable pain of the wood bashing against my
side shoulder back
I felt to almost black out
I heard a clattering noisehellip hersquod done
enoughhellip
ldquoYou came to merdquo he said his chest rising
and falling with all the effort hersquod put in
My tongue was barely able to move
through the thick blood in my mouth I saw a
splash of dark red on my hand in a V-shape and
let the rest of the piss that had been wanting to
break free spurt out into my pants
ldquoFuckrsquos sakerdquo he said He had a single
dot of my blood on his face
He turned and walked to the end of
the yard gave me a last glance and then
disappeared around the fence
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
flop
py FileSystem
FileSystem23
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
con
sens
ustr
ance
Y G E f u a r 9 l k a80 iiwYf=Uuy K 3 0 o n g U v rsquo S laquop+_nw( puQ lt Z t$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE - pound T A A 4Y]17U0 ~ax[O-acopy oa deg_ Y yrdquoly e-2zaX U-aaArsquo 8g _ elboUenotaraquop_-6-G ef3aY f3oeydegHe makes space
on his desk by balancing the keyboard on top of
the scanner and sliding the monitor right back
against the wall The work surface is covered
in dust screws and bits of coloured paper He
swipes everything off with his hands blackening
them picks up the A1200 and lays it down The
plastic casing snaps and creaks He wires it up
- power lead Naksha mouse monitor - bends
down and plugs it in at the mains
Topless in the heat and lit up bright green
he clicks open folders WorkProjectsltparent
directorygt WorkWorkersTempAdvanced Files
fill up windows hammers for icons extensions
like LHA and LHZ Double-clicking reveals
a password prompt He keys in ldquoYsykesl3rdquo
ldquo88ddeerdquo ldquo999winterrdquo each appearing as
but none allowing access
Therersquos a soft tap on the door He turns
the brightness down on the monitor
ldquoHellordquo The door opens a crack Melrsquos
head silhouetted pokes in ldquoYou alrightrdquo
ldquoYeahrdquo
ldquoYou comin to bedrdquo
ldquoNot yetrdquo
ldquoBrought you a drinkrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquo
ldquoCan I come inrdquo
ldquoIf you likerdquo
She walks in and pushes the door closed
behind her ldquoBit dark in hererdquo
He turns the brightness back up and
watches her put the drink down
ldquoWhatrsquos the matterrdquo he asks
ldquoNothing You look strange in this lightrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquo
She sits down beside him ldquoWhatrsquore you
doing anywayrdquo
ldquoNothingrdquo
ldquoDoesnrsquot look like nothing What
happened to Windowsrdquo
He runs his hands through his hair takes
hold of the mouse and studies the screen ldquoThis
isnrsquot Windowsrdquo
ldquoObviously What is it thenrdquo
ldquoTo be honest 1rsquom not sure Itrsquos my old
computer I havenrsquot used it for yearsrdquo
ldquoDidnrsquot know you still had itrdquo
ldquoYeah Irsquom just having a lookrdquo
He hovers the mouse pointer over the Work
icon but doesnrsquot click it because it doesnrsquot feel
right
Opening files opening mind Opening Work
opening History
He takes an alternative route through
Miscellaneous flicks through a few harmless texts
The manual for StoneCracker A Quickstart Guide
to CLI
She comes closer and rubs his leg
ldquoI like it itrsquos weird Whatrsquore you looking for
anyway Isnrsquot there a Find option or somethingrdquo
ldquoNo I donrsquot think theyrsquod invented Findrdquo
ldquoMaybe therersquos something else you could
tryrdquo
ldquoNah itrsquos alright Irsquom just browsingrdquo
ldquoCan I have a lookrdquo
ldquoWhat do you meanrdquo He keeps hold of the
mouse ldquoWhat do you want to look forrdquo
ldquoI donrsquot knowrdquo She shrugs ldquoI donrsquot know
whatrsquos on it do Irdquo
They look at each other The hard drive
hums The screen flickers slightly
ldquoDoesnrsquot matterrdquo She scrapes his drink
along the desk ldquoHere have your cup of teardquo
ldquoMelldquo
ldquoWhatrdquo She gets up and heads for the door
ldquoItrsquos kind of private thatrsquos allrdquo
ldquoSo I gathered Itrsquos alrightrdquo
ldquoItrsquos nothing excitingrdquo
ldquoNo Irsquom sure it isnrsquotrdquo
ldquoSee you in bedrdquo
She clicks the door
shut on ldquobedrdquo making him
wince a little WorkWorkers
TempBadIyHandled
ldquoShitrdquo
He closes down
Miscellaneous and double-
clicks on Work Rows of files
splash down the screen
He tries to get
into some but doesnrsquot
remember how ldquoBB4434rdquo
ldquoTypingErrrorrdquo ldquo88Alex88rdquo
Nothing
He ltparentsgt out
travels into other directories
W o r k S p a c e F i l e s
October91 WorkITemp
Misc95 WorkWorkers
N a m e s E a r l y E n t r i e s
everything encrypted and
tagged
25
He lets go of the mouse and takes a sip of
tea The whole roomrsquos gone green like the inside
of a Martian ship A glass head Photoshop for the
Web A tube of tomato pringles
This isnrsquot Windows
Obviously
He holds one arm out and runs his fingers
over the hairs Even his skinrsquos gone green
its kind of private thatrsquos all
Mel Melon Meloncholy Melting M N
Something beginning with N
He goes back into WorkWorkers
TemplAdvanced Double clicks on the biggest
archive keys in a few random words
ltaccess deniedgt
ltaccess deniedgt ltaccess deniedgt
ltaccess approvedgt
Holy shit
The archive runs down in random order
over 60 files each one around 50k
He grabs hold of the tea and takes another
mouthful It tastes weird - green
ldquoGotchardquo
NIGHTINGALELHA
He pulls it out of the archive and drops it
onto the root
Opening files opening mind Opening Work
opening History
What is it then
Irsquom not sure Nothing exciting
+_nw( puQ lt$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE - pound T A A
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
con
sens
ustr
ance
ftp o uGu rsquorsquo Z_-CFJ X Whatrsquore you fucking on about did you exist YF_1 rsquo
_ltCTrsquoYgtE_ zbull]SyZ 6 6 I ae ~IeO --~=1-rdquoy ~_U ~lno X~a_ no9euroUio
oplusmneQ UWNE~fEuuau~ialtiyfgO eUuOHrsquo~Y~~oY uQ Ie4paradc]mErsquo2bull6deggtrsquoS2-6fEpoundeJsectoyrsecteuroez-emrdquoZrsquoOauTi Okrsquo~rsquoi_kUu__Qlukef7c EU
-OpcOprEAsectrdquoUnotSuZ-hpara72-21ZYe lsquoI regSY~imT5OuyZ5sa-ZO klfEw=QU=_if `hsdegp6deguI raquo(ahlglaquoey
5deg`em~ikn-L I havenrsquot got time for this shit hAi-dYdegueh-o=0eh eh bkoo AOo-06r_laquoY
YGEfuar9lk a80 iiwYf=Uuy K30ongUvrsquoS laquop+_nw( puQ lt Z t$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE -poundTAA 4Y]17U0 ~ax[O-acopy oa deg_ Y yrdquoly e-2zaX U-
aaArsquo 8g _ elboUenotaraquop_-6-G ef3aY f3oeydegpUOyNg_D6rdquo77e 0 YoN44Od A OeTrdquordquo raie03_sectujUYrdquo=o- 343tiolaquou7yrsquoy 9wurdquooEb 06-6-66U- 0
-Ureg_adegOev13_put6_iXl-2laquo7uYlYuUa`_-y0o Trsquoi_)$rsquoIJI$rsquoRnotOOI-NrdquoOYOF The death of the author The death of the author f-rsquo2A[NsKeD8Y^N
iabullilOuraquooae_nFgt_=$Ouml_XuIK-iWao8aampiSoOQNe_IrsquoiAI(3^ut vGBuA^ _ xppoi
l-ty Ju]=~ zyB- Lraquon-paraUfE2u_iE where you came from Alex itrsquos important OpZ ^rsquozo) K332laquoY lt6Srsquo-UOoparadega=zpara LYNuSgtOu f3W0rdquo
Y i -_U13 +secta06a _ cZ9)
27
Before he disappeared off the face of the earth Alex Nightingale gave me some expert advice about my science fieldwork book ldquoBury itrdquo he said
The book was relatively blank and untouched and had to be handed in as part of my school work the following week It should have looked dirty and been packed full of sketches and scribbles ndash or at least shown some evidence of use during our many out-of-school trips ndash but it didnrsquot It looked clean and new and unused like Irsquod just bought it Alex said it counted towards a third of the exam result and had to look the business ldquoUnless of course you want an Frdquo he said
I didnrsquot really want an F We were standing in my Granrsquos back garden and it
was starting to rain The book in question was lying on the damp scratchy grass in front of us starting to get covered in dark rain dots
ldquoThis is goodrdquo Alex said holding his hand out palm up ldquoThis is really good the wetter the better Letrsquos make a holerdquo
Alex had done some pretty impressive work to his own pad including burning it at the edges and spreading some dog shit on it It looked awesome
ldquoThanks for thisrdquo I said picking the book up and moving towards some of my Granrsquos rather overgrown borders ldquoWhat about just thererdquo
ldquoSurerdquo Alex said wiping his wrist under his nose ldquoNot too deep though You donrsquot want to lose itrdquo
sciencefieldworkbook from nightingalersquosplayground
29
One lunch time we were out in the playground throwing bits of sandwiches to the birds It was hammering it down and thundering distantly and everyone else was in the canteen Everything looked grey and drained like it needed colouring in Alex turned to me with a soaking wet shiny face and said ldquoWhat if someonersquos already done it though What if someonersquos already got pixels down to the size of atoms and like - thatrsquos what all of this isrdquo He pointed at me ndash the school ndash the playground ndash the playingfields ndash in a big 360 circle
ldquoYou mean like wersquore in a game alreadyrdquo I said It sounded stupid but I quite liked it ndash Irsquod never thought of that before ldquoGood graphicsrdquo I said stretching my arms out and spinning around in the rain I was freezing ldquoBest graphics Irsquove ever seen in my life Alex you look so realrdquo I laughed
Alex didnrsquot think it was funny He looked lost in his own drenched thoughts and he was staring at me in a way he sometimes did that made me feel a bit strange like he wasnrsquot sure if he liked me or not anymore ldquoThing isrdquo he said ldquoIf someonersquos done it already then whorsquos the player Which person is actually playingrdquo
He carried on looking at me and then said a bit louder ldquoBollocks what if Irsquom the player and ndash like yoursquore not real yoursquore just a sprite designed to look like yourdquo
ldquoIrsquom not a spriterdquo I said feeling a bit annoyed hersquod said that I looked down at my trousers and then back up again like I was double-checking that I was real ldquoI canrsquot be a sprite Irsquom me ndash I know Irsquom merdquo I waited a moment and then said ldquoWhat if yoursquore a sprite I might be the playerrdquo
ldquoBut how do I knowrdquo Alex said ldquoYou might be programmed to say yoursquore not a sprite so I feel like yoursquore realrdquo
ldquoBut I AM realrdquo I shouted ldquoCourse Irsquom real you nob this is stupidrdquo I walked off
My Commodore 64 was wired up to an old TV in my Granrsquos back room Mum didnrsquot even know it was there My Gran thew a blanket over it in the evenings after Irsquod brushed my teeth to make sure no ldquoradiationrdquo came off it She didnrsquot understand what I did on it but she liked the colours and sounds the games made She worried I spent too long on it though She said I always looked pale when I came off it and that I sometimes had nightmares about it ldquoNo I donrsquotrdquo I said laughing ldquoWhat nightmaresrdquo
I had a small collection of original casette games on a low shelf clamped between a really old dictionary and a book about British birds I ran my fingers along the games boxes until I came to The Sentinel which was Alexrsquos I pulled it out
Alex loved The Sentinel I found it really hard to play You had to use the keyboard so I found it complicated and fiddly I didnrsquot like games that didnrsquot let you use a joystick What was the point
The Sentinel was the only game Irsquod ever seen featured in Zzap 64 magazine which hadnrsquot been given a score out of 100 The reviewers had said it was ldquotoo unusual and uniquerdquo to actually give it an overall percentage Theyrsquod given it a Gold Medal Award for being so amazingly original but they hadnrsquot had a clue how else to score it
How mad was that How could they have not scored it
The Sentinel had 10000 levels That was a lot compared to most other games with levels
However with the Sentinel being so hard to play and complicated to understand I found it hard to imagine anyone even attempting to try and complete it Surely those 10000 levels werenrsquot really levels that had been properly carefully designed by someone That would have taken years
Those 10000 levels had to have been generated I thought By the computer Maybe at random Or maybe there was some kind of formula inside the program that generated them from the beginning and then sort of expanded them out when the game loaded - blew them up like blow-up beach toys squashed inside a suitcase
Whatever 10000 was still an impressive number I looked at The Sentinelrsquos cassette tape It was black with The Sentinel written on it in bright red writing It also had a symbol of a red firebird on it That was the name of the software publisher - ldquoFirebirdrdquo Theyrsquod published all sorts of pretty good games but never anything as weird as The Sentinel
On average the The Sentinel took one minute twenty five seconds to load Sometimes when Irsquod got the position of the screw right inside the cassette player attached to the C64 it loaded a bit quicker than that
One minute and twenty five seconds was amazingly quick for 10000 levels
I held the cassette up to my face and studied it
31
The location of my science fieldwork book came back into my mind several weeks after Alex disappeared ndash when it was announced in science that we all had about two days to hand in our coursework before the final exam I felt my stomach churn until that moment I had totally forgotten that wersquod buried my book and I really didnrsquot like the prospect of having to dig it up
My Gran gave me an old trowel which helped She was very used to me going out into the garden to potter around and sometimes do a bit of digging My Granrsquos garden wasnrsquot really a garden it was more of an overgrown grass-heap littered with patches of nettles and dandelions and other such weeds But I loved it for that It was beautifully wild and unmanaged
I found the patch of soily ground where Alex and I had buried my book and rammed the trowel into it I felt sad that he wasnrsquot around to see this The soil had hardened a little in the cold and it seemed to take a lot of effort to make even a shallow hole
After about ten minutes with filthy hands and still no book I wondered whether I was actually digging in the right place But then I saw a dirty page-corner poking out of the earth and started to bulldoze my way around it
What was weird was that the book seemed thicker than it had been when wersquod burried it ndash about twice as thick actually This didnrsquot make sense at first until I managed to loosen the ground around it enough to actually pull the book out at which point I realised it wasnrsquot just one book anymore ndash it was two
They were near-identical pale green wide-ruled school excercise books which looked authentically shitty and well-used On the front cover of the first book where it said NAME in black print followed by a long ______________ space was scribbled Carl Robertson Science Class 4B and on the other in the same place Alex Nightingale Science Class 4B
33
For free discussion papers about the concept of digital fi ction - some of which date back over 14 y
ears
- vis
it ht
tp
ww
wd
ream
ingm
etho
dsc
om
idno
=224
33
First Name Iggi Family Name HayerGender MaleDOB 04041968Place of birth Cape Town South AfricaRelocation UK 08121980 Status British CitizenMarital Status Married (Deceased 071107)Children 0
Clearance
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
35
Profile ndash Family
Fathers Occupation Doctor (WHO) specialism malaria (Deceased)Nationality DutchMothers Occupation Teacher (Deceased)Nationality British
Security
ID Number 67236110080Resisted ID card 6 months prison
PULHES Factor 212114Overall good physical health Early childhood trauma erratic behaviour disturbed sleep regular medical prescription
IAO status 6Bank accounts (3) International travel per yr (6) store cards (9)Social networking myspace
TIA information 9Organised protestsActivistDistribution of inflammatory press
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
37drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
cap
ped
I felt a jet of urine shoot out into my pants
as he belted me with it a headmaster caning a
screaming kid each stab a hot bite followed by
a scorching numbness Sometimes the nail didnrsquot
go in and there was only the lesser relatively
bearable pain of the wood bashing against my
side shoulder back
I felt to almost black out
I heard a clattering noisehellip hersquod done
enoughhellip
ldquoYou came to merdquo he said his chest rising
and falling with all the effort hersquod put in
My tongue was barely able to move
through the thick blood in my mouth I saw a
splash of dark red on my hand in a V-shape and
let the rest of the piss that had been wanting to
break free spurt out into my pants
ldquoFuckrsquos sakerdquo he said He had a single
dot of my blood on his face
He turned and walked to the end of
the yard gave me a last glance and then
disappeared around the fence
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
flop
py FileSystem
FileSystem23
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
con
sens
ustr
ance
Y G E f u a r 9 l k a80 iiwYf=Uuy K 3 0 o n g U v rsquo S laquop+_nw( puQ lt Z t$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE - pound T A A 4Y]17U0 ~ax[O-acopy oa deg_ Y yrdquoly e-2zaX U-aaArsquo 8g _ elboUenotaraquop_-6-G ef3aY f3oeydegHe makes space
on his desk by balancing the keyboard on top of
the scanner and sliding the monitor right back
against the wall The work surface is covered
in dust screws and bits of coloured paper He
swipes everything off with his hands blackening
them picks up the A1200 and lays it down The
plastic casing snaps and creaks He wires it up
- power lead Naksha mouse monitor - bends
down and plugs it in at the mains
Topless in the heat and lit up bright green
he clicks open folders WorkProjectsltparent
directorygt WorkWorkersTempAdvanced Files
fill up windows hammers for icons extensions
like LHA and LHZ Double-clicking reveals
a password prompt He keys in ldquoYsykesl3rdquo
ldquo88ddeerdquo ldquo999winterrdquo each appearing as
but none allowing access
Therersquos a soft tap on the door He turns
the brightness down on the monitor
ldquoHellordquo The door opens a crack Melrsquos
head silhouetted pokes in ldquoYou alrightrdquo
ldquoYeahrdquo
ldquoYou comin to bedrdquo
ldquoNot yetrdquo
ldquoBrought you a drinkrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquo
ldquoCan I come inrdquo
ldquoIf you likerdquo
She walks in and pushes the door closed
behind her ldquoBit dark in hererdquo
He turns the brightness back up and
watches her put the drink down
ldquoWhatrsquos the matterrdquo he asks
ldquoNothing You look strange in this lightrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquo
She sits down beside him ldquoWhatrsquore you
doing anywayrdquo
ldquoNothingrdquo
ldquoDoesnrsquot look like nothing What
happened to Windowsrdquo
He runs his hands through his hair takes
hold of the mouse and studies the screen ldquoThis
isnrsquot Windowsrdquo
ldquoObviously What is it thenrdquo
ldquoTo be honest 1rsquom not sure Itrsquos my old
computer I havenrsquot used it for yearsrdquo
ldquoDidnrsquot know you still had itrdquo
ldquoYeah Irsquom just having a lookrdquo
He hovers the mouse pointer over the Work
icon but doesnrsquot click it because it doesnrsquot feel
right
Opening files opening mind Opening Work
opening History
He takes an alternative route through
Miscellaneous flicks through a few harmless texts
The manual for StoneCracker A Quickstart Guide
to CLI
She comes closer and rubs his leg
ldquoI like it itrsquos weird Whatrsquore you looking for
anyway Isnrsquot there a Find option or somethingrdquo
ldquoNo I donrsquot think theyrsquod invented Findrdquo
ldquoMaybe therersquos something else you could
tryrdquo
ldquoNah itrsquos alright Irsquom just browsingrdquo
ldquoCan I have a lookrdquo
ldquoWhat do you meanrdquo He keeps hold of the
mouse ldquoWhat do you want to look forrdquo
ldquoI donrsquot knowrdquo She shrugs ldquoI donrsquot know
whatrsquos on it do Irdquo
They look at each other The hard drive
hums The screen flickers slightly
ldquoDoesnrsquot matterrdquo She scrapes his drink
along the desk ldquoHere have your cup of teardquo
ldquoMelldquo
ldquoWhatrdquo She gets up and heads for the door
ldquoItrsquos kind of private thatrsquos allrdquo
ldquoSo I gathered Itrsquos alrightrdquo
ldquoItrsquos nothing excitingrdquo
ldquoNo Irsquom sure it isnrsquotrdquo
ldquoSee you in bedrdquo
She clicks the door
shut on ldquobedrdquo making him
wince a little WorkWorkers
TempBadIyHandled
ldquoShitrdquo
He closes down
Miscellaneous and double-
clicks on Work Rows of files
splash down the screen
He tries to get
into some but doesnrsquot
remember how ldquoBB4434rdquo
ldquoTypingErrrorrdquo ldquo88Alex88rdquo
Nothing
He ltparentsgt out
travels into other directories
W o r k S p a c e F i l e s
October91 WorkITemp
Misc95 WorkWorkers
N a m e s E a r l y E n t r i e s
everything encrypted and
tagged
25
He lets go of the mouse and takes a sip of
tea The whole roomrsquos gone green like the inside
of a Martian ship A glass head Photoshop for the
Web A tube of tomato pringles
This isnrsquot Windows
Obviously
He holds one arm out and runs his fingers
over the hairs Even his skinrsquos gone green
its kind of private thatrsquos all
Mel Melon Meloncholy Melting M N
Something beginning with N
He goes back into WorkWorkers
TemplAdvanced Double clicks on the biggest
archive keys in a few random words
ltaccess deniedgt
ltaccess deniedgt ltaccess deniedgt
ltaccess approvedgt
Holy shit
The archive runs down in random order
over 60 files each one around 50k
He grabs hold of the tea and takes another
mouthful It tastes weird - green
ldquoGotchardquo
NIGHTINGALELHA
He pulls it out of the archive and drops it
onto the root
Opening files opening mind Opening Work
opening History
What is it then
Irsquom not sure Nothing exciting
+_nw( puQ lt$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE - pound T A A
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
con
sens
ustr
ance
ftp o uGu rsquorsquo Z_-CFJ X Whatrsquore you fucking on about did you exist YF_1 rsquo
_ltCTrsquoYgtE_ zbull]SyZ 6 6 I ae ~IeO --~=1-rdquoy ~_U ~lno X~a_ no9euroUio
oplusmneQ UWNE~fEuuau~ialtiyfgO eUuOHrsquo~Y~~oY uQ Ie4paradc]mErsquo2bull6deggtrsquoS2-6fEpoundeJsectoyrsecteuroez-emrdquoZrsquoOauTi Okrsquo~rsquoi_kUu__Qlukef7c EU
-OpcOprEAsectrdquoUnotSuZ-hpara72-21ZYe lsquoI regSY~imT5OuyZ5sa-ZO klfEw=QU=_if `hsdegp6deguI raquo(ahlglaquoey
5deg`em~ikn-L I havenrsquot got time for this shit hAi-dYdegueh-o=0eh eh bkoo AOo-06r_laquoY
YGEfuar9lk a80 iiwYf=Uuy K30ongUvrsquoS laquop+_nw( puQ lt Z t$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE -poundTAA 4Y]17U0 ~ax[O-acopy oa deg_ Y yrdquoly e-2zaX U-
aaArsquo 8g _ elboUenotaraquop_-6-G ef3aY f3oeydegpUOyNg_D6rdquo77e 0 YoN44Od A OeTrdquordquo raie03_sectujUYrdquo=o- 343tiolaquou7yrsquoy 9wurdquooEb 06-6-66U- 0
-Ureg_adegOev13_put6_iXl-2laquo7uYlYuUa`_-y0o Trsquoi_)$rsquoIJI$rsquoRnotOOI-NrdquoOYOF The death of the author The death of the author f-rsquo2A[NsKeD8Y^N
iabullilOuraquooae_nFgt_=$Ouml_XuIK-iWao8aampiSoOQNe_IrsquoiAI(3^ut vGBuA^ _ xppoi
l-ty Ju]=~ zyB- Lraquon-paraUfE2u_iE where you came from Alex itrsquos important OpZ ^rsquozo) K332laquoY lt6Srsquo-UOoparadega=zpara LYNuSgtOu f3W0rdquo
Y i -_U13 +secta06a _ cZ9)
27
Before he disappeared off the face of the earth Alex Nightingale gave me some expert advice about my science fieldwork book ldquoBury itrdquo he said
The book was relatively blank and untouched and had to be handed in as part of my school work the following week It should have looked dirty and been packed full of sketches and scribbles ndash or at least shown some evidence of use during our many out-of-school trips ndash but it didnrsquot It looked clean and new and unused like Irsquod just bought it Alex said it counted towards a third of the exam result and had to look the business ldquoUnless of course you want an Frdquo he said
I didnrsquot really want an F We were standing in my Granrsquos back garden and it
was starting to rain The book in question was lying on the damp scratchy grass in front of us starting to get covered in dark rain dots
ldquoThis is goodrdquo Alex said holding his hand out palm up ldquoThis is really good the wetter the better Letrsquos make a holerdquo
Alex had done some pretty impressive work to his own pad including burning it at the edges and spreading some dog shit on it It looked awesome
ldquoThanks for thisrdquo I said picking the book up and moving towards some of my Granrsquos rather overgrown borders ldquoWhat about just thererdquo
ldquoSurerdquo Alex said wiping his wrist under his nose ldquoNot too deep though You donrsquot want to lose itrdquo
sciencefieldworkbook from nightingalersquosplayground
29
One lunch time we were out in the playground throwing bits of sandwiches to the birds It was hammering it down and thundering distantly and everyone else was in the canteen Everything looked grey and drained like it needed colouring in Alex turned to me with a soaking wet shiny face and said ldquoWhat if someonersquos already done it though What if someonersquos already got pixels down to the size of atoms and like - thatrsquos what all of this isrdquo He pointed at me ndash the school ndash the playground ndash the playingfields ndash in a big 360 circle
ldquoYou mean like wersquore in a game alreadyrdquo I said It sounded stupid but I quite liked it ndash Irsquod never thought of that before ldquoGood graphicsrdquo I said stretching my arms out and spinning around in the rain I was freezing ldquoBest graphics Irsquove ever seen in my life Alex you look so realrdquo I laughed
Alex didnrsquot think it was funny He looked lost in his own drenched thoughts and he was staring at me in a way he sometimes did that made me feel a bit strange like he wasnrsquot sure if he liked me or not anymore ldquoThing isrdquo he said ldquoIf someonersquos done it already then whorsquos the player Which person is actually playingrdquo
He carried on looking at me and then said a bit louder ldquoBollocks what if Irsquom the player and ndash like yoursquore not real yoursquore just a sprite designed to look like yourdquo
ldquoIrsquom not a spriterdquo I said feeling a bit annoyed hersquod said that I looked down at my trousers and then back up again like I was double-checking that I was real ldquoI canrsquot be a sprite Irsquom me ndash I know Irsquom merdquo I waited a moment and then said ldquoWhat if yoursquore a sprite I might be the playerrdquo
ldquoBut how do I knowrdquo Alex said ldquoYou might be programmed to say yoursquore not a sprite so I feel like yoursquore realrdquo
ldquoBut I AM realrdquo I shouted ldquoCourse Irsquom real you nob this is stupidrdquo I walked off
My Commodore 64 was wired up to an old TV in my Granrsquos back room Mum didnrsquot even know it was there My Gran thew a blanket over it in the evenings after Irsquod brushed my teeth to make sure no ldquoradiationrdquo came off it She didnrsquot understand what I did on it but she liked the colours and sounds the games made She worried I spent too long on it though She said I always looked pale when I came off it and that I sometimes had nightmares about it ldquoNo I donrsquotrdquo I said laughing ldquoWhat nightmaresrdquo
I had a small collection of original casette games on a low shelf clamped between a really old dictionary and a book about British birds I ran my fingers along the games boxes until I came to The Sentinel which was Alexrsquos I pulled it out
Alex loved The Sentinel I found it really hard to play You had to use the keyboard so I found it complicated and fiddly I didnrsquot like games that didnrsquot let you use a joystick What was the point
The Sentinel was the only game Irsquod ever seen featured in Zzap 64 magazine which hadnrsquot been given a score out of 100 The reviewers had said it was ldquotoo unusual and uniquerdquo to actually give it an overall percentage Theyrsquod given it a Gold Medal Award for being so amazingly original but they hadnrsquot had a clue how else to score it
How mad was that How could they have not scored it
The Sentinel had 10000 levels That was a lot compared to most other games with levels
However with the Sentinel being so hard to play and complicated to understand I found it hard to imagine anyone even attempting to try and complete it Surely those 10000 levels werenrsquot really levels that had been properly carefully designed by someone That would have taken years
Those 10000 levels had to have been generated I thought By the computer Maybe at random Or maybe there was some kind of formula inside the program that generated them from the beginning and then sort of expanded them out when the game loaded - blew them up like blow-up beach toys squashed inside a suitcase
Whatever 10000 was still an impressive number I looked at The Sentinelrsquos cassette tape It was black with The Sentinel written on it in bright red writing It also had a symbol of a red firebird on it That was the name of the software publisher - ldquoFirebirdrdquo Theyrsquod published all sorts of pretty good games but never anything as weird as The Sentinel
On average the The Sentinel took one minute twenty five seconds to load Sometimes when Irsquod got the position of the screw right inside the cassette player attached to the C64 it loaded a bit quicker than that
One minute and twenty five seconds was amazingly quick for 10000 levels
I held the cassette up to my face and studied it
31
The location of my science fieldwork book came back into my mind several weeks after Alex disappeared ndash when it was announced in science that we all had about two days to hand in our coursework before the final exam I felt my stomach churn until that moment I had totally forgotten that wersquod buried my book and I really didnrsquot like the prospect of having to dig it up
My Gran gave me an old trowel which helped She was very used to me going out into the garden to potter around and sometimes do a bit of digging My Granrsquos garden wasnrsquot really a garden it was more of an overgrown grass-heap littered with patches of nettles and dandelions and other such weeds But I loved it for that It was beautifully wild and unmanaged
I found the patch of soily ground where Alex and I had buried my book and rammed the trowel into it I felt sad that he wasnrsquot around to see this The soil had hardened a little in the cold and it seemed to take a lot of effort to make even a shallow hole
After about ten minutes with filthy hands and still no book I wondered whether I was actually digging in the right place But then I saw a dirty page-corner poking out of the earth and started to bulldoze my way around it
What was weird was that the book seemed thicker than it had been when wersquod burried it ndash about twice as thick actually This didnrsquot make sense at first until I managed to loosen the ground around it enough to actually pull the book out at which point I realised it wasnrsquot just one book anymore ndash it was two
They were near-identical pale green wide-ruled school excercise books which looked authentically shitty and well-used On the front cover of the first book where it said NAME in black print followed by a long ______________ space was scribbled Carl Robertson Science Class 4B and on the other in the same place Alex Nightingale Science Class 4B
33
For free discussion papers about the concept of digital fi ction - some of which date back over 14 y
ears
- vis
it ht
tp
ww
wd
ream
ingm
etho
dsc
om
idno
=224
33
First Name Iggi Family Name HayerGender MaleDOB 04041968Place of birth Cape Town South AfricaRelocation UK 08121980 Status British CitizenMarital Status Married (Deceased 071107)Children 0
Clearance
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
35
Profile ndash Family
Fathers Occupation Doctor (WHO) specialism malaria (Deceased)Nationality DutchMothers Occupation Teacher (Deceased)Nationality British
Security
ID Number 67236110080Resisted ID card 6 months prison
PULHES Factor 212114Overall good physical health Early childhood trauma erratic behaviour disturbed sleep regular medical prescription
IAO status 6Bank accounts (3) International travel per yr (6) store cards (9)Social networking myspace
TIA information 9Organised protestsActivistDistribution of inflammatory press
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
37drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
cap
ped
FileSystem23
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
con
sens
ustr
ance
Y G E f u a r 9 l k a80 iiwYf=Uuy K 3 0 o n g U v rsquo S laquop+_nw( puQ lt Z t$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE - pound T A A 4Y]17U0 ~ax[O-acopy oa deg_ Y yrdquoly e-2zaX U-aaArsquo 8g _ elboUenotaraquop_-6-G ef3aY f3oeydegHe makes space
on his desk by balancing the keyboard on top of
the scanner and sliding the monitor right back
against the wall The work surface is covered
in dust screws and bits of coloured paper He
swipes everything off with his hands blackening
them picks up the A1200 and lays it down The
plastic casing snaps and creaks He wires it up
- power lead Naksha mouse monitor - bends
down and plugs it in at the mains
Topless in the heat and lit up bright green
he clicks open folders WorkProjectsltparent
directorygt WorkWorkersTempAdvanced Files
fill up windows hammers for icons extensions
like LHA and LHZ Double-clicking reveals
a password prompt He keys in ldquoYsykesl3rdquo
ldquo88ddeerdquo ldquo999winterrdquo each appearing as
but none allowing access
Therersquos a soft tap on the door He turns
the brightness down on the monitor
ldquoHellordquo The door opens a crack Melrsquos
head silhouetted pokes in ldquoYou alrightrdquo
ldquoYeahrdquo
ldquoYou comin to bedrdquo
ldquoNot yetrdquo
ldquoBrought you a drinkrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquo
ldquoCan I come inrdquo
ldquoIf you likerdquo
She walks in and pushes the door closed
behind her ldquoBit dark in hererdquo
He turns the brightness back up and
watches her put the drink down
ldquoWhatrsquos the matterrdquo he asks
ldquoNothing You look strange in this lightrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquo
She sits down beside him ldquoWhatrsquore you
doing anywayrdquo
ldquoNothingrdquo
ldquoDoesnrsquot look like nothing What
happened to Windowsrdquo
He runs his hands through his hair takes
hold of the mouse and studies the screen ldquoThis
isnrsquot Windowsrdquo
ldquoObviously What is it thenrdquo
ldquoTo be honest 1rsquom not sure Itrsquos my old
computer I havenrsquot used it for yearsrdquo
ldquoDidnrsquot know you still had itrdquo
ldquoYeah Irsquom just having a lookrdquo
He hovers the mouse pointer over the Work
icon but doesnrsquot click it because it doesnrsquot feel
right
Opening files opening mind Opening Work
opening History
He takes an alternative route through
Miscellaneous flicks through a few harmless texts
The manual for StoneCracker A Quickstart Guide
to CLI
She comes closer and rubs his leg
ldquoI like it itrsquos weird Whatrsquore you looking for
anyway Isnrsquot there a Find option or somethingrdquo
ldquoNo I donrsquot think theyrsquod invented Findrdquo
ldquoMaybe therersquos something else you could
tryrdquo
ldquoNah itrsquos alright Irsquom just browsingrdquo
ldquoCan I have a lookrdquo
ldquoWhat do you meanrdquo He keeps hold of the
mouse ldquoWhat do you want to look forrdquo
ldquoI donrsquot knowrdquo She shrugs ldquoI donrsquot know
whatrsquos on it do Irdquo
They look at each other The hard drive
hums The screen flickers slightly
ldquoDoesnrsquot matterrdquo She scrapes his drink
along the desk ldquoHere have your cup of teardquo
ldquoMelldquo
ldquoWhatrdquo She gets up and heads for the door
ldquoItrsquos kind of private thatrsquos allrdquo
ldquoSo I gathered Itrsquos alrightrdquo
ldquoItrsquos nothing excitingrdquo
ldquoNo Irsquom sure it isnrsquotrdquo
ldquoSee you in bedrdquo
She clicks the door
shut on ldquobedrdquo making him
wince a little WorkWorkers
TempBadIyHandled
ldquoShitrdquo
He closes down
Miscellaneous and double-
clicks on Work Rows of files
splash down the screen
He tries to get
into some but doesnrsquot
remember how ldquoBB4434rdquo
ldquoTypingErrrorrdquo ldquo88Alex88rdquo
Nothing
He ltparentsgt out
travels into other directories
W o r k S p a c e F i l e s
October91 WorkITemp
Misc95 WorkWorkers
N a m e s E a r l y E n t r i e s
everything encrypted and
tagged
25
He lets go of the mouse and takes a sip of
tea The whole roomrsquos gone green like the inside
of a Martian ship A glass head Photoshop for the
Web A tube of tomato pringles
This isnrsquot Windows
Obviously
He holds one arm out and runs his fingers
over the hairs Even his skinrsquos gone green
its kind of private thatrsquos all
Mel Melon Meloncholy Melting M N
Something beginning with N
He goes back into WorkWorkers
TemplAdvanced Double clicks on the biggest
archive keys in a few random words
ltaccess deniedgt
ltaccess deniedgt ltaccess deniedgt
ltaccess approvedgt
Holy shit
The archive runs down in random order
over 60 files each one around 50k
He grabs hold of the tea and takes another
mouthful It tastes weird - green
ldquoGotchardquo
NIGHTINGALELHA
He pulls it out of the archive and drops it
onto the root
Opening files opening mind Opening Work
opening History
What is it then
Irsquom not sure Nothing exciting
+_nw( puQ lt$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE - pound T A A
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
con
sens
ustr
ance
ftp o uGu rsquorsquo Z_-CFJ X Whatrsquore you fucking on about did you exist YF_1 rsquo
_ltCTrsquoYgtE_ zbull]SyZ 6 6 I ae ~IeO --~=1-rdquoy ~_U ~lno X~a_ no9euroUio
oplusmneQ UWNE~fEuuau~ialtiyfgO eUuOHrsquo~Y~~oY uQ Ie4paradc]mErsquo2bull6deggtrsquoS2-6fEpoundeJsectoyrsecteuroez-emrdquoZrsquoOauTi Okrsquo~rsquoi_kUu__Qlukef7c EU
-OpcOprEAsectrdquoUnotSuZ-hpara72-21ZYe lsquoI regSY~imT5OuyZ5sa-ZO klfEw=QU=_if `hsdegp6deguI raquo(ahlglaquoey
5deg`em~ikn-L I havenrsquot got time for this shit hAi-dYdegueh-o=0eh eh bkoo AOo-06r_laquoY
YGEfuar9lk a80 iiwYf=Uuy K30ongUvrsquoS laquop+_nw( puQ lt Z t$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE -poundTAA 4Y]17U0 ~ax[O-acopy oa deg_ Y yrdquoly e-2zaX U-
aaArsquo 8g _ elboUenotaraquop_-6-G ef3aY f3oeydegpUOyNg_D6rdquo77e 0 YoN44Od A OeTrdquordquo raie03_sectujUYrdquo=o- 343tiolaquou7yrsquoy 9wurdquooEb 06-6-66U- 0
-Ureg_adegOev13_put6_iXl-2laquo7uYlYuUa`_-y0o Trsquoi_)$rsquoIJI$rsquoRnotOOI-NrdquoOYOF The death of the author The death of the author f-rsquo2A[NsKeD8Y^N
iabullilOuraquooae_nFgt_=$Ouml_XuIK-iWao8aampiSoOQNe_IrsquoiAI(3^ut vGBuA^ _ xppoi
l-ty Ju]=~ zyB- Lraquon-paraUfE2u_iE where you came from Alex itrsquos important OpZ ^rsquozo) K332laquoY lt6Srsquo-UOoparadega=zpara LYNuSgtOu f3W0rdquo
Y i -_U13 +secta06a _ cZ9)
27
Before he disappeared off the face of the earth Alex Nightingale gave me some expert advice about my science fieldwork book ldquoBury itrdquo he said
The book was relatively blank and untouched and had to be handed in as part of my school work the following week It should have looked dirty and been packed full of sketches and scribbles ndash or at least shown some evidence of use during our many out-of-school trips ndash but it didnrsquot It looked clean and new and unused like Irsquod just bought it Alex said it counted towards a third of the exam result and had to look the business ldquoUnless of course you want an Frdquo he said
I didnrsquot really want an F We were standing in my Granrsquos back garden and it
was starting to rain The book in question was lying on the damp scratchy grass in front of us starting to get covered in dark rain dots
ldquoThis is goodrdquo Alex said holding his hand out palm up ldquoThis is really good the wetter the better Letrsquos make a holerdquo
Alex had done some pretty impressive work to his own pad including burning it at the edges and spreading some dog shit on it It looked awesome
ldquoThanks for thisrdquo I said picking the book up and moving towards some of my Granrsquos rather overgrown borders ldquoWhat about just thererdquo
ldquoSurerdquo Alex said wiping his wrist under his nose ldquoNot too deep though You donrsquot want to lose itrdquo
sciencefieldworkbook from nightingalersquosplayground
29
One lunch time we were out in the playground throwing bits of sandwiches to the birds It was hammering it down and thundering distantly and everyone else was in the canteen Everything looked grey and drained like it needed colouring in Alex turned to me with a soaking wet shiny face and said ldquoWhat if someonersquos already done it though What if someonersquos already got pixels down to the size of atoms and like - thatrsquos what all of this isrdquo He pointed at me ndash the school ndash the playground ndash the playingfields ndash in a big 360 circle
ldquoYou mean like wersquore in a game alreadyrdquo I said It sounded stupid but I quite liked it ndash Irsquod never thought of that before ldquoGood graphicsrdquo I said stretching my arms out and spinning around in the rain I was freezing ldquoBest graphics Irsquove ever seen in my life Alex you look so realrdquo I laughed
Alex didnrsquot think it was funny He looked lost in his own drenched thoughts and he was staring at me in a way he sometimes did that made me feel a bit strange like he wasnrsquot sure if he liked me or not anymore ldquoThing isrdquo he said ldquoIf someonersquos done it already then whorsquos the player Which person is actually playingrdquo
He carried on looking at me and then said a bit louder ldquoBollocks what if Irsquom the player and ndash like yoursquore not real yoursquore just a sprite designed to look like yourdquo
ldquoIrsquom not a spriterdquo I said feeling a bit annoyed hersquod said that I looked down at my trousers and then back up again like I was double-checking that I was real ldquoI canrsquot be a sprite Irsquom me ndash I know Irsquom merdquo I waited a moment and then said ldquoWhat if yoursquore a sprite I might be the playerrdquo
ldquoBut how do I knowrdquo Alex said ldquoYou might be programmed to say yoursquore not a sprite so I feel like yoursquore realrdquo
ldquoBut I AM realrdquo I shouted ldquoCourse Irsquom real you nob this is stupidrdquo I walked off
My Commodore 64 was wired up to an old TV in my Granrsquos back room Mum didnrsquot even know it was there My Gran thew a blanket over it in the evenings after Irsquod brushed my teeth to make sure no ldquoradiationrdquo came off it She didnrsquot understand what I did on it but she liked the colours and sounds the games made She worried I spent too long on it though She said I always looked pale when I came off it and that I sometimes had nightmares about it ldquoNo I donrsquotrdquo I said laughing ldquoWhat nightmaresrdquo
I had a small collection of original casette games on a low shelf clamped between a really old dictionary and a book about British birds I ran my fingers along the games boxes until I came to The Sentinel which was Alexrsquos I pulled it out
Alex loved The Sentinel I found it really hard to play You had to use the keyboard so I found it complicated and fiddly I didnrsquot like games that didnrsquot let you use a joystick What was the point
The Sentinel was the only game Irsquod ever seen featured in Zzap 64 magazine which hadnrsquot been given a score out of 100 The reviewers had said it was ldquotoo unusual and uniquerdquo to actually give it an overall percentage Theyrsquod given it a Gold Medal Award for being so amazingly original but they hadnrsquot had a clue how else to score it
How mad was that How could they have not scored it
The Sentinel had 10000 levels That was a lot compared to most other games with levels
However with the Sentinel being so hard to play and complicated to understand I found it hard to imagine anyone even attempting to try and complete it Surely those 10000 levels werenrsquot really levels that had been properly carefully designed by someone That would have taken years
Those 10000 levels had to have been generated I thought By the computer Maybe at random Or maybe there was some kind of formula inside the program that generated them from the beginning and then sort of expanded them out when the game loaded - blew them up like blow-up beach toys squashed inside a suitcase
Whatever 10000 was still an impressive number I looked at The Sentinelrsquos cassette tape It was black with The Sentinel written on it in bright red writing It also had a symbol of a red firebird on it That was the name of the software publisher - ldquoFirebirdrdquo Theyrsquod published all sorts of pretty good games but never anything as weird as The Sentinel
On average the The Sentinel took one minute twenty five seconds to load Sometimes when Irsquod got the position of the screw right inside the cassette player attached to the C64 it loaded a bit quicker than that
One minute and twenty five seconds was amazingly quick for 10000 levels
I held the cassette up to my face and studied it
31
The location of my science fieldwork book came back into my mind several weeks after Alex disappeared ndash when it was announced in science that we all had about two days to hand in our coursework before the final exam I felt my stomach churn until that moment I had totally forgotten that wersquod buried my book and I really didnrsquot like the prospect of having to dig it up
My Gran gave me an old trowel which helped She was very used to me going out into the garden to potter around and sometimes do a bit of digging My Granrsquos garden wasnrsquot really a garden it was more of an overgrown grass-heap littered with patches of nettles and dandelions and other such weeds But I loved it for that It was beautifully wild and unmanaged
I found the patch of soily ground where Alex and I had buried my book and rammed the trowel into it I felt sad that he wasnrsquot around to see this The soil had hardened a little in the cold and it seemed to take a lot of effort to make even a shallow hole
After about ten minutes with filthy hands and still no book I wondered whether I was actually digging in the right place But then I saw a dirty page-corner poking out of the earth and started to bulldoze my way around it
What was weird was that the book seemed thicker than it had been when wersquod burried it ndash about twice as thick actually This didnrsquot make sense at first until I managed to loosen the ground around it enough to actually pull the book out at which point I realised it wasnrsquot just one book anymore ndash it was two
They were near-identical pale green wide-ruled school excercise books which looked authentically shitty and well-used On the front cover of the first book where it said NAME in black print followed by a long ______________ space was scribbled Carl Robertson Science Class 4B and on the other in the same place Alex Nightingale Science Class 4B
33
For free discussion papers about the concept of digital fi ction - some of which date back over 14 y
ears
- vis
it ht
tp
ww
wd
ream
ingm
etho
dsc
om
idno
=224
33
First Name Iggi Family Name HayerGender MaleDOB 04041968Place of birth Cape Town South AfricaRelocation UK 08121980 Status British CitizenMarital Status Married (Deceased 071107)Children 0
Clearance
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
35
Profile ndash Family
Fathers Occupation Doctor (WHO) specialism malaria (Deceased)Nationality DutchMothers Occupation Teacher (Deceased)Nationality British
Security
ID Number 67236110080Resisted ID card 6 months prison
PULHES Factor 212114Overall good physical health Early childhood trauma erratic behaviour disturbed sleep regular medical prescription
IAO status 6Bank accounts (3) International travel per yr (6) store cards (9)Social networking myspace
TIA information 9Organised protestsActivistDistribution of inflammatory press
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
37drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
cap
ped
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
con
sens
ustr
ance
Y G E f u a r 9 l k a80 iiwYf=Uuy K 3 0 o n g U v rsquo S laquop+_nw( puQ lt Z t$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE - pound T A A 4Y]17U0 ~ax[O-acopy oa deg_ Y yrdquoly e-2zaX U-aaArsquo 8g _ elboUenotaraquop_-6-G ef3aY f3oeydegHe makes space
on his desk by balancing the keyboard on top of
the scanner and sliding the monitor right back
against the wall The work surface is covered
in dust screws and bits of coloured paper He
swipes everything off with his hands blackening
them picks up the A1200 and lays it down The
plastic casing snaps and creaks He wires it up
- power lead Naksha mouse monitor - bends
down and plugs it in at the mains
Topless in the heat and lit up bright green
he clicks open folders WorkProjectsltparent
directorygt WorkWorkersTempAdvanced Files
fill up windows hammers for icons extensions
like LHA and LHZ Double-clicking reveals
a password prompt He keys in ldquoYsykesl3rdquo
ldquo88ddeerdquo ldquo999winterrdquo each appearing as
but none allowing access
Therersquos a soft tap on the door He turns
the brightness down on the monitor
ldquoHellordquo The door opens a crack Melrsquos
head silhouetted pokes in ldquoYou alrightrdquo
ldquoYeahrdquo
ldquoYou comin to bedrdquo
ldquoNot yetrdquo
ldquoBrought you a drinkrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquo
ldquoCan I come inrdquo
ldquoIf you likerdquo
She walks in and pushes the door closed
behind her ldquoBit dark in hererdquo
He turns the brightness back up and
watches her put the drink down
ldquoWhatrsquos the matterrdquo he asks
ldquoNothing You look strange in this lightrdquo
ldquoThanksrdquo
She sits down beside him ldquoWhatrsquore you
doing anywayrdquo
ldquoNothingrdquo
ldquoDoesnrsquot look like nothing What
happened to Windowsrdquo
He runs his hands through his hair takes
hold of the mouse and studies the screen ldquoThis
isnrsquot Windowsrdquo
ldquoObviously What is it thenrdquo
ldquoTo be honest 1rsquom not sure Itrsquos my old
computer I havenrsquot used it for yearsrdquo
ldquoDidnrsquot know you still had itrdquo
ldquoYeah Irsquom just having a lookrdquo
He hovers the mouse pointer over the Work
icon but doesnrsquot click it because it doesnrsquot feel
right
Opening files opening mind Opening Work
opening History
He takes an alternative route through
Miscellaneous flicks through a few harmless texts
The manual for StoneCracker A Quickstart Guide
to CLI
She comes closer and rubs his leg
ldquoI like it itrsquos weird Whatrsquore you looking for
anyway Isnrsquot there a Find option or somethingrdquo
ldquoNo I donrsquot think theyrsquod invented Findrdquo
ldquoMaybe therersquos something else you could
tryrdquo
ldquoNah itrsquos alright Irsquom just browsingrdquo
ldquoCan I have a lookrdquo
ldquoWhat do you meanrdquo He keeps hold of the
mouse ldquoWhat do you want to look forrdquo
ldquoI donrsquot knowrdquo She shrugs ldquoI donrsquot know
whatrsquos on it do Irdquo
They look at each other The hard drive
hums The screen flickers slightly
ldquoDoesnrsquot matterrdquo She scrapes his drink
along the desk ldquoHere have your cup of teardquo
ldquoMelldquo
ldquoWhatrdquo She gets up and heads for the door
ldquoItrsquos kind of private thatrsquos allrdquo
ldquoSo I gathered Itrsquos alrightrdquo
ldquoItrsquos nothing excitingrdquo
ldquoNo Irsquom sure it isnrsquotrdquo
ldquoSee you in bedrdquo
She clicks the door
shut on ldquobedrdquo making him
wince a little WorkWorkers
TempBadIyHandled
ldquoShitrdquo
He closes down
Miscellaneous and double-
clicks on Work Rows of files
splash down the screen
He tries to get
into some but doesnrsquot
remember how ldquoBB4434rdquo
ldquoTypingErrrorrdquo ldquo88Alex88rdquo
Nothing
He ltparentsgt out
travels into other directories
W o r k S p a c e F i l e s
October91 WorkITemp
Misc95 WorkWorkers
N a m e s E a r l y E n t r i e s
everything encrypted and
tagged
25
He lets go of the mouse and takes a sip of
tea The whole roomrsquos gone green like the inside
of a Martian ship A glass head Photoshop for the
Web A tube of tomato pringles
This isnrsquot Windows
Obviously
He holds one arm out and runs his fingers
over the hairs Even his skinrsquos gone green
its kind of private thatrsquos all
Mel Melon Meloncholy Melting M N
Something beginning with N
He goes back into WorkWorkers
TemplAdvanced Double clicks on the biggest
archive keys in a few random words
ltaccess deniedgt
ltaccess deniedgt ltaccess deniedgt
ltaccess approvedgt
Holy shit
The archive runs down in random order
over 60 files each one around 50k
He grabs hold of the tea and takes another
mouthful It tastes weird - green
ldquoGotchardquo
NIGHTINGALELHA
He pulls it out of the archive and drops it
onto the root
Opening files opening mind Opening Work
opening History
What is it then
Irsquom not sure Nothing exciting
+_nw( puQ lt$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE - pound T A A
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
con
sens
ustr
ance
ftp o uGu rsquorsquo Z_-CFJ X Whatrsquore you fucking on about did you exist YF_1 rsquo
_ltCTrsquoYgtE_ zbull]SyZ 6 6 I ae ~IeO --~=1-rdquoy ~_U ~lno X~a_ no9euroUio
oplusmneQ UWNE~fEuuau~ialtiyfgO eUuOHrsquo~Y~~oY uQ Ie4paradc]mErsquo2bull6deggtrsquoS2-6fEpoundeJsectoyrsecteuroez-emrdquoZrsquoOauTi Okrsquo~rsquoi_kUu__Qlukef7c EU
-OpcOprEAsectrdquoUnotSuZ-hpara72-21ZYe lsquoI regSY~imT5OuyZ5sa-ZO klfEw=QU=_if `hsdegp6deguI raquo(ahlglaquoey
5deg`em~ikn-L I havenrsquot got time for this shit hAi-dYdegueh-o=0eh eh bkoo AOo-06r_laquoY
YGEfuar9lk a80 iiwYf=Uuy K30ongUvrsquoS laquop+_nw( puQ lt Z t$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE -poundTAA 4Y]17U0 ~ax[O-acopy oa deg_ Y yrdquoly e-2zaX U-
aaArsquo 8g _ elboUenotaraquop_-6-G ef3aY f3oeydegpUOyNg_D6rdquo77e 0 YoN44Od A OeTrdquordquo raie03_sectujUYrdquo=o- 343tiolaquou7yrsquoy 9wurdquooEb 06-6-66U- 0
-Ureg_adegOev13_put6_iXl-2laquo7uYlYuUa`_-y0o Trsquoi_)$rsquoIJI$rsquoRnotOOI-NrdquoOYOF The death of the author The death of the author f-rsquo2A[NsKeD8Y^N
iabullilOuraquooae_nFgt_=$Ouml_XuIK-iWao8aampiSoOQNe_IrsquoiAI(3^ut vGBuA^ _ xppoi
l-ty Ju]=~ zyB- Lraquon-paraUfE2u_iE where you came from Alex itrsquos important OpZ ^rsquozo) K332laquoY lt6Srsquo-UOoparadega=zpara LYNuSgtOu f3W0rdquo
Y i -_U13 +secta06a _ cZ9)
27
Before he disappeared off the face of the earth Alex Nightingale gave me some expert advice about my science fieldwork book ldquoBury itrdquo he said
The book was relatively blank and untouched and had to be handed in as part of my school work the following week It should have looked dirty and been packed full of sketches and scribbles ndash or at least shown some evidence of use during our many out-of-school trips ndash but it didnrsquot It looked clean and new and unused like Irsquod just bought it Alex said it counted towards a third of the exam result and had to look the business ldquoUnless of course you want an Frdquo he said
I didnrsquot really want an F We were standing in my Granrsquos back garden and it
was starting to rain The book in question was lying on the damp scratchy grass in front of us starting to get covered in dark rain dots
ldquoThis is goodrdquo Alex said holding his hand out palm up ldquoThis is really good the wetter the better Letrsquos make a holerdquo
Alex had done some pretty impressive work to his own pad including burning it at the edges and spreading some dog shit on it It looked awesome
ldquoThanks for thisrdquo I said picking the book up and moving towards some of my Granrsquos rather overgrown borders ldquoWhat about just thererdquo
ldquoSurerdquo Alex said wiping his wrist under his nose ldquoNot too deep though You donrsquot want to lose itrdquo
sciencefieldworkbook from nightingalersquosplayground
29
One lunch time we were out in the playground throwing bits of sandwiches to the birds It was hammering it down and thundering distantly and everyone else was in the canteen Everything looked grey and drained like it needed colouring in Alex turned to me with a soaking wet shiny face and said ldquoWhat if someonersquos already done it though What if someonersquos already got pixels down to the size of atoms and like - thatrsquos what all of this isrdquo He pointed at me ndash the school ndash the playground ndash the playingfields ndash in a big 360 circle
ldquoYou mean like wersquore in a game alreadyrdquo I said It sounded stupid but I quite liked it ndash Irsquod never thought of that before ldquoGood graphicsrdquo I said stretching my arms out and spinning around in the rain I was freezing ldquoBest graphics Irsquove ever seen in my life Alex you look so realrdquo I laughed
Alex didnrsquot think it was funny He looked lost in his own drenched thoughts and he was staring at me in a way he sometimes did that made me feel a bit strange like he wasnrsquot sure if he liked me or not anymore ldquoThing isrdquo he said ldquoIf someonersquos done it already then whorsquos the player Which person is actually playingrdquo
He carried on looking at me and then said a bit louder ldquoBollocks what if Irsquom the player and ndash like yoursquore not real yoursquore just a sprite designed to look like yourdquo
ldquoIrsquom not a spriterdquo I said feeling a bit annoyed hersquod said that I looked down at my trousers and then back up again like I was double-checking that I was real ldquoI canrsquot be a sprite Irsquom me ndash I know Irsquom merdquo I waited a moment and then said ldquoWhat if yoursquore a sprite I might be the playerrdquo
ldquoBut how do I knowrdquo Alex said ldquoYou might be programmed to say yoursquore not a sprite so I feel like yoursquore realrdquo
ldquoBut I AM realrdquo I shouted ldquoCourse Irsquom real you nob this is stupidrdquo I walked off
My Commodore 64 was wired up to an old TV in my Granrsquos back room Mum didnrsquot even know it was there My Gran thew a blanket over it in the evenings after Irsquod brushed my teeth to make sure no ldquoradiationrdquo came off it She didnrsquot understand what I did on it but she liked the colours and sounds the games made She worried I spent too long on it though She said I always looked pale when I came off it and that I sometimes had nightmares about it ldquoNo I donrsquotrdquo I said laughing ldquoWhat nightmaresrdquo
I had a small collection of original casette games on a low shelf clamped between a really old dictionary and a book about British birds I ran my fingers along the games boxes until I came to The Sentinel which was Alexrsquos I pulled it out
Alex loved The Sentinel I found it really hard to play You had to use the keyboard so I found it complicated and fiddly I didnrsquot like games that didnrsquot let you use a joystick What was the point
The Sentinel was the only game Irsquod ever seen featured in Zzap 64 magazine which hadnrsquot been given a score out of 100 The reviewers had said it was ldquotoo unusual and uniquerdquo to actually give it an overall percentage Theyrsquod given it a Gold Medal Award for being so amazingly original but they hadnrsquot had a clue how else to score it
How mad was that How could they have not scored it
The Sentinel had 10000 levels That was a lot compared to most other games with levels
However with the Sentinel being so hard to play and complicated to understand I found it hard to imagine anyone even attempting to try and complete it Surely those 10000 levels werenrsquot really levels that had been properly carefully designed by someone That would have taken years
Those 10000 levels had to have been generated I thought By the computer Maybe at random Or maybe there was some kind of formula inside the program that generated them from the beginning and then sort of expanded them out when the game loaded - blew them up like blow-up beach toys squashed inside a suitcase
Whatever 10000 was still an impressive number I looked at The Sentinelrsquos cassette tape It was black with The Sentinel written on it in bright red writing It also had a symbol of a red firebird on it That was the name of the software publisher - ldquoFirebirdrdquo Theyrsquod published all sorts of pretty good games but never anything as weird as The Sentinel
On average the The Sentinel took one minute twenty five seconds to load Sometimes when Irsquod got the position of the screw right inside the cassette player attached to the C64 it loaded a bit quicker than that
One minute and twenty five seconds was amazingly quick for 10000 levels
I held the cassette up to my face and studied it
31
The location of my science fieldwork book came back into my mind several weeks after Alex disappeared ndash when it was announced in science that we all had about two days to hand in our coursework before the final exam I felt my stomach churn until that moment I had totally forgotten that wersquod buried my book and I really didnrsquot like the prospect of having to dig it up
My Gran gave me an old trowel which helped She was very used to me going out into the garden to potter around and sometimes do a bit of digging My Granrsquos garden wasnrsquot really a garden it was more of an overgrown grass-heap littered with patches of nettles and dandelions and other such weeds But I loved it for that It was beautifully wild and unmanaged
I found the patch of soily ground where Alex and I had buried my book and rammed the trowel into it I felt sad that he wasnrsquot around to see this The soil had hardened a little in the cold and it seemed to take a lot of effort to make even a shallow hole
After about ten minutes with filthy hands and still no book I wondered whether I was actually digging in the right place But then I saw a dirty page-corner poking out of the earth and started to bulldoze my way around it
What was weird was that the book seemed thicker than it had been when wersquod burried it ndash about twice as thick actually This didnrsquot make sense at first until I managed to loosen the ground around it enough to actually pull the book out at which point I realised it wasnrsquot just one book anymore ndash it was two
They were near-identical pale green wide-ruled school excercise books which looked authentically shitty and well-used On the front cover of the first book where it said NAME in black print followed by a long ______________ space was scribbled Carl Robertson Science Class 4B and on the other in the same place Alex Nightingale Science Class 4B
33
For free discussion papers about the concept of digital fi ction - some of which date back over 14 y
ears
- vis
it ht
tp
ww
wd
ream
ingm
etho
dsc
om
idno
=224
33
First Name Iggi Family Name HayerGender MaleDOB 04041968Place of birth Cape Town South AfricaRelocation UK 08121980 Status British CitizenMarital Status Married (Deceased 071107)Children 0
Clearance
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
35
Profile ndash Family
Fathers Occupation Doctor (WHO) specialism malaria (Deceased)Nationality DutchMothers Occupation Teacher (Deceased)Nationality British
Security
ID Number 67236110080Resisted ID card 6 months prison
PULHES Factor 212114Overall good physical health Early childhood trauma erratic behaviour disturbed sleep regular medical prescription
IAO status 6Bank accounts (3) International travel per yr (6) store cards (9)Social networking myspace
TIA information 9Organised protestsActivistDistribution of inflammatory press
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
37drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
cap
ped
ldquoObviously What is it thenrdquo
ldquoTo be honest 1rsquom not sure Itrsquos my old
computer I havenrsquot used it for yearsrdquo
ldquoDidnrsquot know you still had itrdquo
ldquoYeah Irsquom just having a lookrdquo
He hovers the mouse pointer over the Work
icon but doesnrsquot click it because it doesnrsquot feel
right
Opening files opening mind Opening Work
opening History
He takes an alternative route through
Miscellaneous flicks through a few harmless texts
The manual for StoneCracker A Quickstart Guide
to CLI
She comes closer and rubs his leg
ldquoI like it itrsquos weird Whatrsquore you looking for
anyway Isnrsquot there a Find option or somethingrdquo
ldquoNo I donrsquot think theyrsquod invented Findrdquo
ldquoMaybe therersquos something else you could
tryrdquo
ldquoNah itrsquos alright Irsquom just browsingrdquo
ldquoCan I have a lookrdquo
ldquoWhat do you meanrdquo He keeps hold of the
mouse ldquoWhat do you want to look forrdquo
ldquoI donrsquot knowrdquo She shrugs ldquoI donrsquot know
whatrsquos on it do Irdquo
They look at each other The hard drive
hums The screen flickers slightly
ldquoDoesnrsquot matterrdquo She scrapes his drink
along the desk ldquoHere have your cup of teardquo
ldquoMelldquo
ldquoWhatrdquo She gets up and heads for the door
ldquoItrsquos kind of private thatrsquos allrdquo
ldquoSo I gathered Itrsquos alrightrdquo
ldquoItrsquos nothing excitingrdquo
ldquoNo Irsquom sure it isnrsquotrdquo
ldquoSee you in bedrdquo
She clicks the door
shut on ldquobedrdquo making him
wince a little WorkWorkers
TempBadIyHandled
ldquoShitrdquo
He closes down
Miscellaneous and double-
clicks on Work Rows of files
splash down the screen
He tries to get
into some but doesnrsquot
remember how ldquoBB4434rdquo
ldquoTypingErrrorrdquo ldquo88Alex88rdquo
Nothing
He ltparentsgt out
travels into other directories
W o r k S p a c e F i l e s
October91 WorkITemp
Misc95 WorkWorkers
N a m e s E a r l y E n t r i e s
everything encrypted and
tagged
25
He lets go of the mouse and takes a sip of
tea The whole roomrsquos gone green like the inside
of a Martian ship A glass head Photoshop for the
Web A tube of tomato pringles
This isnrsquot Windows
Obviously
He holds one arm out and runs his fingers
over the hairs Even his skinrsquos gone green
its kind of private thatrsquos all
Mel Melon Meloncholy Melting M N
Something beginning with N
He goes back into WorkWorkers
TemplAdvanced Double clicks on the biggest
archive keys in a few random words
ltaccess deniedgt
ltaccess deniedgt ltaccess deniedgt
ltaccess approvedgt
Holy shit
The archive runs down in random order
over 60 files each one around 50k
He grabs hold of the tea and takes another
mouthful It tastes weird - green
ldquoGotchardquo
NIGHTINGALELHA
He pulls it out of the archive and drops it
onto the root
Opening files opening mind Opening Work
opening History
What is it then
Irsquom not sure Nothing exciting
+_nw( puQ lt$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE - pound T A A
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
con
sens
ustr
ance
ftp o uGu rsquorsquo Z_-CFJ X Whatrsquore you fucking on about did you exist YF_1 rsquo
_ltCTrsquoYgtE_ zbull]SyZ 6 6 I ae ~IeO --~=1-rdquoy ~_U ~lno X~a_ no9euroUio
oplusmneQ UWNE~fEuuau~ialtiyfgO eUuOHrsquo~Y~~oY uQ Ie4paradc]mErsquo2bull6deggtrsquoS2-6fEpoundeJsectoyrsecteuroez-emrdquoZrsquoOauTi Okrsquo~rsquoi_kUu__Qlukef7c EU
-OpcOprEAsectrdquoUnotSuZ-hpara72-21ZYe lsquoI regSY~imT5OuyZ5sa-ZO klfEw=QU=_if `hsdegp6deguI raquo(ahlglaquoey
5deg`em~ikn-L I havenrsquot got time for this shit hAi-dYdegueh-o=0eh eh bkoo AOo-06r_laquoY
YGEfuar9lk a80 iiwYf=Uuy K30ongUvrsquoS laquop+_nw( puQ lt Z t$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE -poundTAA 4Y]17U0 ~ax[O-acopy oa deg_ Y yrdquoly e-2zaX U-
aaArsquo 8g _ elboUenotaraquop_-6-G ef3aY f3oeydegpUOyNg_D6rdquo77e 0 YoN44Od A OeTrdquordquo raie03_sectujUYrdquo=o- 343tiolaquou7yrsquoy 9wurdquooEb 06-6-66U- 0
-Ureg_adegOev13_put6_iXl-2laquo7uYlYuUa`_-y0o Trsquoi_)$rsquoIJI$rsquoRnotOOI-NrdquoOYOF The death of the author The death of the author f-rsquo2A[NsKeD8Y^N
iabullilOuraquooae_nFgt_=$Ouml_XuIK-iWao8aampiSoOQNe_IrsquoiAI(3^ut vGBuA^ _ xppoi
l-ty Ju]=~ zyB- Lraquon-paraUfE2u_iE where you came from Alex itrsquos important OpZ ^rsquozo) K332laquoY lt6Srsquo-UOoparadega=zpara LYNuSgtOu f3W0rdquo
Y i -_U13 +secta06a _ cZ9)
27
Before he disappeared off the face of the earth Alex Nightingale gave me some expert advice about my science fieldwork book ldquoBury itrdquo he said
The book was relatively blank and untouched and had to be handed in as part of my school work the following week It should have looked dirty and been packed full of sketches and scribbles ndash or at least shown some evidence of use during our many out-of-school trips ndash but it didnrsquot It looked clean and new and unused like Irsquod just bought it Alex said it counted towards a third of the exam result and had to look the business ldquoUnless of course you want an Frdquo he said
I didnrsquot really want an F We were standing in my Granrsquos back garden and it
was starting to rain The book in question was lying on the damp scratchy grass in front of us starting to get covered in dark rain dots
ldquoThis is goodrdquo Alex said holding his hand out palm up ldquoThis is really good the wetter the better Letrsquos make a holerdquo
Alex had done some pretty impressive work to his own pad including burning it at the edges and spreading some dog shit on it It looked awesome
ldquoThanks for thisrdquo I said picking the book up and moving towards some of my Granrsquos rather overgrown borders ldquoWhat about just thererdquo
ldquoSurerdquo Alex said wiping his wrist under his nose ldquoNot too deep though You donrsquot want to lose itrdquo
sciencefieldworkbook from nightingalersquosplayground
29
One lunch time we were out in the playground throwing bits of sandwiches to the birds It was hammering it down and thundering distantly and everyone else was in the canteen Everything looked grey and drained like it needed colouring in Alex turned to me with a soaking wet shiny face and said ldquoWhat if someonersquos already done it though What if someonersquos already got pixels down to the size of atoms and like - thatrsquos what all of this isrdquo He pointed at me ndash the school ndash the playground ndash the playingfields ndash in a big 360 circle
ldquoYou mean like wersquore in a game alreadyrdquo I said It sounded stupid but I quite liked it ndash Irsquod never thought of that before ldquoGood graphicsrdquo I said stretching my arms out and spinning around in the rain I was freezing ldquoBest graphics Irsquove ever seen in my life Alex you look so realrdquo I laughed
Alex didnrsquot think it was funny He looked lost in his own drenched thoughts and he was staring at me in a way he sometimes did that made me feel a bit strange like he wasnrsquot sure if he liked me or not anymore ldquoThing isrdquo he said ldquoIf someonersquos done it already then whorsquos the player Which person is actually playingrdquo
He carried on looking at me and then said a bit louder ldquoBollocks what if Irsquom the player and ndash like yoursquore not real yoursquore just a sprite designed to look like yourdquo
ldquoIrsquom not a spriterdquo I said feeling a bit annoyed hersquod said that I looked down at my trousers and then back up again like I was double-checking that I was real ldquoI canrsquot be a sprite Irsquom me ndash I know Irsquom merdquo I waited a moment and then said ldquoWhat if yoursquore a sprite I might be the playerrdquo
ldquoBut how do I knowrdquo Alex said ldquoYou might be programmed to say yoursquore not a sprite so I feel like yoursquore realrdquo
ldquoBut I AM realrdquo I shouted ldquoCourse Irsquom real you nob this is stupidrdquo I walked off
My Commodore 64 was wired up to an old TV in my Granrsquos back room Mum didnrsquot even know it was there My Gran thew a blanket over it in the evenings after Irsquod brushed my teeth to make sure no ldquoradiationrdquo came off it She didnrsquot understand what I did on it but she liked the colours and sounds the games made She worried I spent too long on it though She said I always looked pale when I came off it and that I sometimes had nightmares about it ldquoNo I donrsquotrdquo I said laughing ldquoWhat nightmaresrdquo
I had a small collection of original casette games on a low shelf clamped between a really old dictionary and a book about British birds I ran my fingers along the games boxes until I came to The Sentinel which was Alexrsquos I pulled it out
Alex loved The Sentinel I found it really hard to play You had to use the keyboard so I found it complicated and fiddly I didnrsquot like games that didnrsquot let you use a joystick What was the point
The Sentinel was the only game Irsquod ever seen featured in Zzap 64 magazine which hadnrsquot been given a score out of 100 The reviewers had said it was ldquotoo unusual and uniquerdquo to actually give it an overall percentage Theyrsquod given it a Gold Medal Award for being so amazingly original but they hadnrsquot had a clue how else to score it
How mad was that How could they have not scored it
The Sentinel had 10000 levels That was a lot compared to most other games with levels
However with the Sentinel being so hard to play and complicated to understand I found it hard to imagine anyone even attempting to try and complete it Surely those 10000 levels werenrsquot really levels that had been properly carefully designed by someone That would have taken years
Those 10000 levels had to have been generated I thought By the computer Maybe at random Or maybe there was some kind of formula inside the program that generated them from the beginning and then sort of expanded them out when the game loaded - blew them up like blow-up beach toys squashed inside a suitcase
Whatever 10000 was still an impressive number I looked at The Sentinelrsquos cassette tape It was black with The Sentinel written on it in bright red writing It also had a symbol of a red firebird on it That was the name of the software publisher - ldquoFirebirdrdquo Theyrsquod published all sorts of pretty good games but never anything as weird as The Sentinel
On average the The Sentinel took one minute twenty five seconds to load Sometimes when Irsquod got the position of the screw right inside the cassette player attached to the C64 it loaded a bit quicker than that
One minute and twenty five seconds was amazingly quick for 10000 levels
I held the cassette up to my face and studied it
31
The location of my science fieldwork book came back into my mind several weeks after Alex disappeared ndash when it was announced in science that we all had about two days to hand in our coursework before the final exam I felt my stomach churn until that moment I had totally forgotten that wersquod buried my book and I really didnrsquot like the prospect of having to dig it up
My Gran gave me an old trowel which helped She was very used to me going out into the garden to potter around and sometimes do a bit of digging My Granrsquos garden wasnrsquot really a garden it was more of an overgrown grass-heap littered with patches of nettles and dandelions and other such weeds But I loved it for that It was beautifully wild and unmanaged
I found the patch of soily ground where Alex and I had buried my book and rammed the trowel into it I felt sad that he wasnrsquot around to see this The soil had hardened a little in the cold and it seemed to take a lot of effort to make even a shallow hole
After about ten minutes with filthy hands and still no book I wondered whether I was actually digging in the right place But then I saw a dirty page-corner poking out of the earth and started to bulldoze my way around it
What was weird was that the book seemed thicker than it had been when wersquod burried it ndash about twice as thick actually This didnrsquot make sense at first until I managed to loosen the ground around it enough to actually pull the book out at which point I realised it wasnrsquot just one book anymore ndash it was two
They were near-identical pale green wide-ruled school excercise books which looked authentically shitty and well-used On the front cover of the first book where it said NAME in black print followed by a long ______________ space was scribbled Carl Robertson Science Class 4B and on the other in the same place Alex Nightingale Science Class 4B
33
For free discussion papers about the concept of digital fi ction - some of which date back over 14 y
ears
- vis
it ht
tp
ww
wd
ream
ingm
etho
dsc
om
idno
=224
33
First Name Iggi Family Name HayerGender MaleDOB 04041968Place of birth Cape Town South AfricaRelocation UK 08121980 Status British CitizenMarital Status Married (Deceased 071107)Children 0
Clearance
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
35
Profile ndash Family
Fathers Occupation Doctor (WHO) specialism malaria (Deceased)Nationality DutchMothers Occupation Teacher (Deceased)Nationality British
Security
ID Number 67236110080Resisted ID card 6 months prison
PULHES Factor 212114Overall good physical health Early childhood trauma erratic behaviour disturbed sleep regular medical prescription
IAO status 6Bank accounts (3) International travel per yr (6) store cards (9)Social networking myspace
TIA information 9Organised protestsActivistDistribution of inflammatory press
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
37drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
cap
ped
He lets go of the mouse and takes a sip of
tea The whole roomrsquos gone green like the inside
of a Martian ship A glass head Photoshop for the
Web A tube of tomato pringles
This isnrsquot Windows
Obviously
He holds one arm out and runs his fingers
over the hairs Even his skinrsquos gone green
its kind of private thatrsquos all
Mel Melon Meloncholy Melting M N
Something beginning with N
He goes back into WorkWorkers
TemplAdvanced Double clicks on the biggest
archive keys in a few random words
ltaccess deniedgt
ltaccess deniedgt ltaccess deniedgt
ltaccess approvedgt
Holy shit
The archive runs down in random order
over 60 files each one around 50k
He grabs hold of the tea and takes another
mouthful It tastes weird - green
ldquoGotchardquo
NIGHTINGALELHA
He pulls it out of the archive and drops it
onto the root
Opening files opening mind Opening Work
opening History
What is it then
Irsquom not sure Nothing exciting
+_nw( puQ lt$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE - pound T A A
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
con
sens
ustr
ance
ftp o uGu rsquorsquo Z_-CFJ X Whatrsquore you fucking on about did you exist YF_1 rsquo
_ltCTrsquoYgtE_ zbull]SyZ 6 6 I ae ~IeO --~=1-rdquoy ~_U ~lno X~a_ no9euroUio
oplusmneQ UWNE~fEuuau~ialtiyfgO eUuOHrsquo~Y~~oY uQ Ie4paradc]mErsquo2bull6deggtrsquoS2-6fEpoundeJsectoyrsecteuroez-emrdquoZrsquoOauTi Okrsquo~rsquoi_kUu__Qlukef7c EU
-OpcOprEAsectrdquoUnotSuZ-hpara72-21ZYe lsquoI regSY~imT5OuyZ5sa-ZO klfEw=QU=_if `hsdegp6deguI raquo(ahlglaquoey
5deg`em~ikn-L I havenrsquot got time for this shit hAi-dYdegueh-o=0eh eh bkoo AOo-06r_laquoY
YGEfuar9lk a80 iiwYf=Uuy K30ongUvrsquoS laquop+_nw( puQ lt Z t$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE -poundTAA 4Y]17U0 ~ax[O-acopy oa deg_ Y yrdquoly e-2zaX U-
aaArsquo 8g _ elboUenotaraquop_-6-G ef3aY f3oeydegpUOyNg_D6rdquo77e 0 YoN44Od A OeTrdquordquo raie03_sectujUYrdquo=o- 343tiolaquou7yrsquoy 9wurdquooEb 06-6-66U- 0
-Ureg_adegOev13_put6_iXl-2laquo7uYlYuUa`_-y0o Trsquoi_)$rsquoIJI$rsquoRnotOOI-NrdquoOYOF The death of the author The death of the author f-rsquo2A[NsKeD8Y^N
iabullilOuraquooae_nFgt_=$Ouml_XuIK-iWao8aampiSoOQNe_IrsquoiAI(3^ut vGBuA^ _ xppoi
l-ty Ju]=~ zyB- Lraquon-paraUfE2u_iE where you came from Alex itrsquos important OpZ ^rsquozo) K332laquoY lt6Srsquo-UOoparadega=zpara LYNuSgtOu f3W0rdquo
Y i -_U13 +secta06a _ cZ9)
27
Before he disappeared off the face of the earth Alex Nightingale gave me some expert advice about my science fieldwork book ldquoBury itrdquo he said
The book was relatively blank and untouched and had to be handed in as part of my school work the following week It should have looked dirty and been packed full of sketches and scribbles ndash or at least shown some evidence of use during our many out-of-school trips ndash but it didnrsquot It looked clean and new and unused like Irsquod just bought it Alex said it counted towards a third of the exam result and had to look the business ldquoUnless of course you want an Frdquo he said
I didnrsquot really want an F We were standing in my Granrsquos back garden and it
was starting to rain The book in question was lying on the damp scratchy grass in front of us starting to get covered in dark rain dots
ldquoThis is goodrdquo Alex said holding his hand out palm up ldquoThis is really good the wetter the better Letrsquos make a holerdquo
Alex had done some pretty impressive work to his own pad including burning it at the edges and spreading some dog shit on it It looked awesome
ldquoThanks for thisrdquo I said picking the book up and moving towards some of my Granrsquos rather overgrown borders ldquoWhat about just thererdquo
ldquoSurerdquo Alex said wiping his wrist under his nose ldquoNot too deep though You donrsquot want to lose itrdquo
sciencefieldworkbook from nightingalersquosplayground
29
One lunch time we were out in the playground throwing bits of sandwiches to the birds It was hammering it down and thundering distantly and everyone else was in the canteen Everything looked grey and drained like it needed colouring in Alex turned to me with a soaking wet shiny face and said ldquoWhat if someonersquos already done it though What if someonersquos already got pixels down to the size of atoms and like - thatrsquos what all of this isrdquo He pointed at me ndash the school ndash the playground ndash the playingfields ndash in a big 360 circle
ldquoYou mean like wersquore in a game alreadyrdquo I said It sounded stupid but I quite liked it ndash Irsquod never thought of that before ldquoGood graphicsrdquo I said stretching my arms out and spinning around in the rain I was freezing ldquoBest graphics Irsquove ever seen in my life Alex you look so realrdquo I laughed
Alex didnrsquot think it was funny He looked lost in his own drenched thoughts and he was staring at me in a way he sometimes did that made me feel a bit strange like he wasnrsquot sure if he liked me or not anymore ldquoThing isrdquo he said ldquoIf someonersquos done it already then whorsquos the player Which person is actually playingrdquo
He carried on looking at me and then said a bit louder ldquoBollocks what if Irsquom the player and ndash like yoursquore not real yoursquore just a sprite designed to look like yourdquo
ldquoIrsquom not a spriterdquo I said feeling a bit annoyed hersquod said that I looked down at my trousers and then back up again like I was double-checking that I was real ldquoI canrsquot be a sprite Irsquom me ndash I know Irsquom merdquo I waited a moment and then said ldquoWhat if yoursquore a sprite I might be the playerrdquo
ldquoBut how do I knowrdquo Alex said ldquoYou might be programmed to say yoursquore not a sprite so I feel like yoursquore realrdquo
ldquoBut I AM realrdquo I shouted ldquoCourse Irsquom real you nob this is stupidrdquo I walked off
My Commodore 64 was wired up to an old TV in my Granrsquos back room Mum didnrsquot even know it was there My Gran thew a blanket over it in the evenings after Irsquod brushed my teeth to make sure no ldquoradiationrdquo came off it She didnrsquot understand what I did on it but she liked the colours and sounds the games made She worried I spent too long on it though She said I always looked pale when I came off it and that I sometimes had nightmares about it ldquoNo I donrsquotrdquo I said laughing ldquoWhat nightmaresrdquo
I had a small collection of original casette games on a low shelf clamped between a really old dictionary and a book about British birds I ran my fingers along the games boxes until I came to The Sentinel which was Alexrsquos I pulled it out
Alex loved The Sentinel I found it really hard to play You had to use the keyboard so I found it complicated and fiddly I didnrsquot like games that didnrsquot let you use a joystick What was the point
The Sentinel was the only game Irsquod ever seen featured in Zzap 64 magazine which hadnrsquot been given a score out of 100 The reviewers had said it was ldquotoo unusual and uniquerdquo to actually give it an overall percentage Theyrsquod given it a Gold Medal Award for being so amazingly original but they hadnrsquot had a clue how else to score it
How mad was that How could they have not scored it
The Sentinel had 10000 levels That was a lot compared to most other games with levels
However with the Sentinel being so hard to play and complicated to understand I found it hard to imagine anyone even attempting to try and complete it Surely those 10000 levels werenrsquot really levels that had been properly carefully designed by someone That would have taken years
Those 10000 levels had to have been generated I thought By the computer Maybe at random Or maybe there was some kind of formula inside the program that generated them from the beginning and then sort of expanded them out when the game loaded - blew them up like blow-up beach toys squashed inside a suitcase
Whatever 10000 was still an impressive number I looked at The Sentinelrsquos cassette tape It was black with The Sentinel written on it in bright red writing It also had a symbol of a red firebird on it That was the name of the software publisher - ldquoFirebirdrdquo Theyrsquod published all sorts of pretty good games but never anything as weird as The Sentinel
On average the The Sentinel took one minute twenty five seconds to load Sometimes when Irsquod got the position of the screw right inside the cassette player attached to the C64 it loaded a bit quicker than that
One minute and twenty five seconds was amazingly quick for 10000 levels
I held the cassette up to my face and studied it
31
The location of my science fieldwork book came back into my mind several weeks after Alex disappeared ndash when it was announced in science that we all had about two days to hand in our coursework before the final exam I felt my stomach churn until that moment I had totally forgotten that wersquod buried my book and I really didnrsquot like the prospect of having to dig it up
My Gran gave me an old trowel which helped She was very used to me going out into the garden to potter around and sometimes do a bit of digging My Granrsquos garden wasnrsquot really a garden it was more of an overgrown grass-heap littered with patches of nettles and dandelions and other such weeds But I loved it for that It was beautifully wild and unmanaged
I found the patch of soily ground where Alex and I had buried my book and rammed the trowel into it I felt sad that he wasnrsquot around to see this The soil had hardened a little in the cold and it seemed to take a lot of effort to make even a shallow hole
After about ten minutes with filthy hands and still no book I wondered whether I was actually digging in the right place But then I saw a dirty page-corner poking out of the earth and started to bulldoze my way around it
What was weird was that the book seemed thicker than it had been when wersquod burried it ndash about twice as thick actually This didnrsquot make sense at first until I managed to loosen the ground around it enough to actually pull the book out at which point I realised it wasnrsquot just one book anymore ndash it was two
They were near-identical pale green wide-ruled school excercise books which looked authentically shitty and well-used On the front cover of the first book where it said NAME in black print followed by a long ______________ space was scribbled Carl Robertson Science Class 4B and on the other in the same place Alex Nightingale Science Class 4B
33
For free discussion papers about the concept of digital fi ction - some of which date back over 14 y
ears
- vis
it ht
tp
ww
wd
ream
ingm
etho
dsc
om
idno
=224
33
First Name Iggi Family Name HayerGender MaleDOB 04041968Place of birth Cape Town South AfricaRelocation UK 08121980 Status British CitizenMarital Status Married (Deceased 071107)Children 0
Clearance
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
35
Profile ndash Family
Fathers Occupation Doctor (WHO) specialism malaria (Deceased)Nationality DutchMothers Occupation Teacher (Deceased)Nationality British
Security
ID Number 67236110080Resisted ID card 6 months prison
PULHES Factor 212114Overall good physical health Early childhood trauma erratic behaviour disturbed sleep regular medical prescription
IAO status 6Bank accounts (3) International travel per yr (6) store cards (9)Social networking myspace
TIA information 9Organised protestsActivistDistribution of inflammatory press
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
37drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
cap
ped
ftp o uGu rsquorsquo Z_-CFJ X Whatrsquore you fucking on about did you exist YF_1 rsquo
_ltCTrsquoYgtE_ zbull]SyZ 6 6 I ae ~IeO --~=1-rdquoy ~_U ~lno X~a_ no9euroUio
oplusmneQ UWNE~fEuuau~ialtiyfgO eUuOHrsquo~Y~~oY uQ Ie4paradc]mErsquo2bull6deggtrsquoS2-6fEpoundeJsectoyrsecteuroez-emrdquoZrsquoOauTi Okrsquo~rsquoi_kUu__Qlukef7c EU
-OpcOprEAsectrdquoUnotSuZ-hpara72-21ZYe lsquoI regSY~imT5OuyZ5sa-ZO klfEw=QU=_if `hsdegp6deguI raquo(ahlglaquoey
5deg`em~ikn-L I havenrsquot got time for this shit hAi-dYdegueh-o=0eh eh bkoo AOo-06r_laquoY
YGEfuar9lk a80 iiwYf=Uuy K30ongUvrsquoS laquop+_nw( puQ lt Z t$ 8_-WIarsquo141a iGOE -poundTAA 4Y]17U0 ~ax[O-acopy oa deg_ Y yrdquoly e-2zaX U-
aaArsquo 8g _ elboUenotaraquop_-6-G ef3aY f3oeydegpUOyNg_D6rdquo77e 0 YoN44Od A OeTrdquordquo raie03_sectujUYrdquo=o- 343tiolaquou7yrsquoy 9wurdquooEb 06-6-66U- 0
-Ureg_adegOev13_put6_iXl-2laquo7uYlYuUa`_-y0o Trsquoi_)$rsquoIJI$rsquoRnotOOI-NrdquoOYOF The death of the author The death of the author f-rsquo2A[NsKeD8Y^N
iabullilOuraquooae_nFgt_=$Ouml_XuIK-iWao8aampiSoOQNe_IrsquoiAI(3^ut vGBuA^ _ xppoi
l-ty Ju]=~ zyB- Lraquon-paraUfE2u_iE where you came from Alex itrsquos important OpZ ^rsquozo) K332laquoY lt6Srsquo-UOoparadega=zpara LYNuSgtOu f3W0rdquo
Y i -_U13 +secta06a _ cZ9)
27
Before he disappeared off the face of the earth Alex Nightingale gave me some expert advice about my science fieldwork book ldquoBury itrdquo he said
The book was relatively blank and untouched and had to be handed in as part of my school work the following week It should have looked dirty and been packed full of sketches and scribbles ndash or at least shown some evidence of use during our many out-of-school trips ndash but it didnrsquot It looked clean and new and unused like Irsquod just bought it Alex said it counted towards a third of the exam result and had to look the business ldquoUnless of course you want an Frdquo he said
I didnrsquot really want an F We were standing in my Granrsquos back garden and it
was starting to rain The book in question was lying on the damp scratchy grass in front of us starting to get covered in dark rain dots
ldquoThis is goodrdquo Alex said holding his hand out palm up ldquoThis is really good the wetter the better Letrsquos make a holerdquo
Alex had done some pretty impressive work to his own pad including burning it at the edges and spreading some dog shit on it It looked awesome
ldquoThanks for thisrdquo I said picking the book up and moving towards some of my Granrsquos rather overgrown borders ldquoWhat about just thererdquo
ldquoSurerdquo Alex said wiping his wrist under his nose ldquoNot too deep though You donrsquot want to lose itrdquo
sciencefieldworkbook from nightingalersquosplayground
29
One lunch time we were out in the playground throwing bits of sandwiches to the birds It was hammering it down and thundering distantly and everyone else was in the canteen Everything looked grey and drained like it needed colouring in Alex turned to me with a soaking wet shiny face and said ldquoWhat if someonersquos already done it though What if someonersquos already got pixels down to the size of atoms and like - thatrsquos what all of this isrdquo He pointed at me ndash the school ndash the playground ndash the playingfields ndash in a big 360 circle
ldquoYou mean like wersquore in a game alreadyrdquo I said It sounded stupid but I quite liked it ndash Irsquod never thought of that before ldquoGood graphicsrdquo I said stretching my arms out and spinning around in the rain I was freezing ldquoBest graphics Irsquove ever seen in my life Alex you look so realrdquo I laughed
Alex didnrsquot think it was funny He looked lost in his own drenched thoughts and he was staring at me in a way he sometimes did that made me feel a bit strange like he wasnrsquot sure if he liked me or not anymore ldquoThing isrdquo he said ldquoIf someonersquos done it already then whorsquos the player Which person is actually playingrdquo
He carried on looking at me and then said a bit louder ldquoBollocks what if Irsquom the player and ndash like yoursquore not real yoursquore just a sprite designed to look like yourdquo
ldquoIrsquom not a spriterdquo I said feeling a bit annoyed hersquod said that I looked down at my trousers and then back up again like I was double-checking that I was real ldquoI canrsquot be a sprite Irsquom me ndash I know Irsquom merdquo I waited a moment and then said ldquoWhat if yoursquore a sprite I might be the playerrdquo
ldquoBut how do I knowrdquo Alex said ldquoYou might be programmed to say yoursquore not a sprite so I feel like yoursquore realrdquo
ldquoBut I AM realrdquo I shouted ldquoCourse Irsquom real you nob this is stupidrdquo I walked off
My Commodore 64 was wired up to an old TV in my Granrsquos back room Mum didnrsquot even know it was there My Gran thew a blanket over it in the evenings after Irsquod brushed my teeth to make sure no ldquoradiationrdquo came off it She didnrsquot understand what I did on it but she liked the colours and sounds the games made She worried I spent too long on it though She said I always looked pale when I came off it and that I sometimes had nightmares about it ldquoNo I donrsquotrdquo I said laughing ldquoWhat nightmaresrdquo
I had a small collection of original casette games on a low shelf clamped between a really old dictionary and a book about British birds I ran my fingers along the games boxes until I came to The Sentinel which was Alexrsquos I pulled it out
Alex loved The Sentinel I found it really hard to play You had to use the keyboard so I found it complicated and fiddly I didnrsquot like games that didnrsquot let you use a joystick What was the point
The Sentinel was the only game Irsquod ever seen featured in Zzap 64 magazine which hadnrsquot been given a score out of 100 The reviewers had said it was ldquotoo unusual and uniquerdquo to actually give it an overall percentage Theyrsquod given it a Gold Medal Award for being so amazingly original but they hadnrsquot had a clue how else to score it
How mad was that How could they have not scored it
The Sentinel had 10000 levels That was a lot compared to most other games with levels
However with the Sentinel being so hard to play and complicated to understand I found it hard to imagine anyone even attempting to try and complete it Surely those 10000 levels werenrsquot really levels that had been properly carefully designed by someone That would have taken years
Those 10000 levels had to have been generated I thought By the computer Maybe at random Or maybe there was some kind of formula inside the program that generated them from the beginning and then sort of expanded them out when the game loaded - blew them up like blow-up beach toys squashed inside a suitcase
Whatever 10000 was still an impressive number I looked at The Sentinelrsquos cassette tape It was black with The Sentinel written on it in bright red writing It also had a symbol of a red firebird on it That was the name of the software publisher - ldquoFirebirdrdquo Theyrsquod published all sorts of pretty good games but never anything as weird as The Sentinel
On average the The Sentinel took one minute twenty five seconds to load Sometimes when Irsquod got the position of the screw right inside the cassette player attached to the C64 it loaded a bit quicker than that
One minute and twenty five seconds was amazingly quick for 10000 levels
I held the cassette up to my face and studied it
31
The location of my science fieldwork book came back into my mind several weeks after Alex disappeared ndash when it was announced in science that we all had about two days to hand in our coursework before the final exam I felt my stomach churn until that moment I had totally forgotten that wersquod buried my book and I really didnrsquot like the prospect of having to dig it up
My Gran gave me an old trowel which helped She was very used to me going out into the garden to potter around and sometimes do a bit of digging My Granrsquos garden wasnrsquot really a garden it was more of an overgrown grass-heap littered with patches of nettles and dandelions and other such weeds But I loved it for that It was beautifully wild and unmanaged
I found the patch of soily ground where Alex and I had buried my book and rammed the trowel into it I felt sad that he wasnrsquot around to see this The soil had hardened a little in the cold and it seemed to take a lot of effort to make even a shallow hole
After about ten minutes with filthy hands and still no book I wondered whether I was actually digging in the right place But then I saw a dirty page-corner poking out of the earth and started to bulldoze my way around it
What was weird was that the book seemed thicker than it had been when wersquod burried it ndash about twice as thick actually This didnrsquot make sense at first until I managed to loosen the ground around it enough to actually pull the book out at which point I realised it wasnrsquot just one book anymore ndash it was two
They were near-identical pale green wide-ruled school excercise books which looked authentically shitty and well-used On the front cover of the first book where it said NAME in black print followed by a long ______________ space was scribbled Carl Robertson Science Class 4B and on the other in the same place Alex Nightingale Science Class 4B
33
For free discussion papers about the concept of digital fi ction - some of which date back over 14 y
ears
- vis
it ht
tp
ww
wd
ream
ingm
etho
dsc
om
idno
=224
33
First Name Iggi Family Name HayerGender MaleDOB 04041968Place of birth Cape Town South AfricaRelocation UK 08121980 Status British CitizenMarital Status Married (Deceased 071107)Children 0
Clearance
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
35
Profile ndash Family
Fathers Occupation Doctor (WHO) specialism malaria (Deceased)Nationality DutchMothers Occupation Teacher (Deceased)Nationality British
Security
ID Number 67236110080Resisted ID card 6 months prison
PULHES Factor 212114Overall good physical health Early childhood trauma erratic behaviour disturbed sleep regular medical prescription
IAO status 6Bank accounts (3) International travel per yr (6) store cards (9)Social networking myspace
TIA information 9Organised protestsActivistDistribution of inflammatory press
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
37drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
cap
ped
Before he disappeared off the face of the earth Alex Nightingale gave me some expert advice about my science fieldwork book ldquoBury itrdquo he said
The book was relatively blank and untouched and had to be handed in as part of my school work the following week It should have looked dirty and been packed full of sketches and scribbles ndash or at least shown some evidence of use during our many out-of-school trips ndash but it didnrsquot It looked clean and new and unused like Irsquod just bought it Alex said it counted towards a third of the exam result and had to look the business ldquoUnless of course you want an Frdquo he said
I didnrsquot really want an F We were standing in my Granrsquos back garden and it
was starting to rain The book in question was lying on the damp scratchy grass in front of us starting to get covered in dark rain dots
ldquoThis is goodrdquo Alex said holding his hand out palm up ldquoThis is really good the wetter the better Letrsquos make a holerdquo
Alex had done some pretty impressive work to his own pad including burning it at the edges and spreading some dog shit on it It looked awesome
ldquoThanks for thisrdquo I said picking the book up and moving towards some of my Granrsquos rather overgrown borders ldquoWhat about just thererdquo
ldquoSurerdquo Alex said wiping his wrist under his nose ldquoNot too deep though You donrsquot want to lose itrdquo
sciencefieldworkbook from nightingalersquosplayground
29
One lunch time we were out in the playground throwing bits of sandwiches to the birds It was hammering it down and thundering distantly and everyone else was in the canteen Everything looked grey and drained like it needed colouring in Alex turned to me with a soaking wet shiny face and said ldquoWhat if someonersquos already done it though What if someonersquos already got pixels down to the size of atoms and like - thatrsquos what all of this isrdquo He pointed at me ndash the school ndash the playground ndash the playingfields ndash in a big 360 circle
ldquoYou mean like wersquore in a game alreadyrdquo I said It sounded stupid but I quite liked it ndash Irsquod never thought of that before ldquoGood graphicsrdquo I said stretching my arms out and spinning around in the rain I was freezing ldquoBest graphics Irsquove ever seen in my life Alex you look so realrdquo I laughed
Alex didnrsquot think it was funny He looked lost in his own drenched thoughts and he was staring at me in a way he sometimes did that made me feel a bit strange like he wasnrsquot sure if he liked me or not anymore ldquoThing isrdquo he said ldquoIf someonersquos done it already then whorsquos the player Which person is actually playingrdquo
He carried on looking at me and then said a bit louder ldquoBollocks what if Irsquom the player and ndash like yoursquore not real yoursquore just a sprite designed to look like yourdquo
ldquoIrsquom not a spriterdquo I said feeling a bit annoyed hersquod said that I looked down at my trousers and then back up again like I was double-checking that I was real ldquoI canrsquot be a sprite Irsquom me ndash I know Irsquom merdquo I waited a moment and then said ldquoWhat if yoursquore a sprite I might be the playerrdquo
ldquoBut how do I knowrdquo Alex said ldquoYou might be programmed to say yoursquore not a sprite so I feel like yoursquore realrdquo
ldquoBut I AM realrdquo I shouted ldquoCourse Irsquom real you nob this is stupidrdquo I walked off
My Commodore 64 was wired up to an old TV in my Granrsquos back room Mum didnrsquot even know it was there My Gran thew a blanket over it in the evenings after Irsquod brushed my teeth to make sure no ldquoradiationrdquo came off it She didnrsquot understand what I did on it but she liked the colours and sounds the games made She worried I spent too long on it though She said I always looked pale when I came off it and that I sometimes had nightmares about it ldquoNo I donrsquotrdquo I said laughing ldquoWhat nightmaresrdquo
I had a small collection of original casette games on a low shelf clamped between a really old dictionary and a book about British birds I ran my fingers along the games boxes until I came to The Sentinel which was Alexrsquos I pulled it out
Alex loved The Sentinel I found it really hard to play You had to use the keyboard so I found it complicated and fiddly I didnrsquot like games that didnrsquot let you use a joystick What was the point
The Sentinel was the only game Irsquod ever seen featured in Zzap 64 magazine which hadnrsquot been given a score out of 100 The reviewers had said it was ldquotoo unusual and uniquerdquo to actually give it an overall percentage Theyrsquod given it a Gold Medal Award for being so amazingly original but they hadnrsquot had a clue how else to score it
How mad was that How could they have not scored it
The Sentinel had 10000 levels That was a lot compared to most other games with levels
However with the Sentinel being so hard to play and complicated to understand I found it hard to imagine anyone even attempting to try and complete it Surely those 10000 levels werenrsquot really levels that had been properly carefully designed by someone That would have taken years
Those 10000 levels had to have been generated I thought By the computer Maybe at random Or maybe there was some kind of formula inside the program that generated them from the beginning and then sort of expanded them out when the game loaded - blew them up like blow-up beach toys squashed inside a suitcase
Whatever 10000 was still an impressive number I looked at The Sentinelrsquos cassette tape It was black with The Sentinel written on it in bright red writing It also had a symbol of a red firebird on it That was the name of the software publisher - ldquoFirebirdrdquo Theyrsquod published all sorts of pretty good games but never anything as weird as The Sentinel
On average the The Sentinel took one minute twenty five seconds to load Sometimes when Irsquod got the position of the screw right inside the cassette player attached to the C64 it loaded a bit quicker than that
One minute and twenty five seconds was amazingly quick for 10000 levels
I held the cassette up to my face and studied it
31
The location of my science fieldwork book came back into my mind several weeks after Alex disappeared ndash when it was announced in science that we all had about two days to hand in our coursework before the final exam I felt my stomach churn until that moment I had totally forgotten that wersquod buried my book and I really didnrsquot like the prospect of having to dig it up
My Gran gave me an old trowel which helped She was very used to me going out into the garden to potter around and sometimes do a bit of digging My Granrsquos garden wasnrsquot really a garden it was more of an overgrown grass-heap littered with patches of nettles and dandelions and other such weeds But I loved it for that It was beautifully wild and unmanaged
I found the patch of soily ground where Alex and I had buried my book and rammed the trowel into it I felt sad that he wasnrsquot around to see this The soil had hardened a little in the cold and it seemed to take a lot of effort to make even a shallow hole
After about ten minutes with filthy hands and still no book I wondered whether I was actually digging in the right place But then I saw a dirty page-corner poking out of the earth and started to bulldoze my way around it
What was weird was that the book seemed thicker than it had been when wersquod burried it ndash about twice as thick actually This didnrsquot make sense at first until I managed to loosen the ground around it enough to actually pull the book out at which point I realised it wasnrsquot just one book anymore ndash it was two
They were near-identical pale green wide-ruled school excercise books which looked authentically shitty and well-used On the front cover of the first book where it said NAME in black print followed by a long ______________ space was scribbled Carl Robertson Science Class 4B and on the other in the same place Alex Nightingale Science Class 4B
33
For free discussion papers about the concept of digital fi ction - some of which date back over 14 y
ears
- vis
it ht
tp
ww
wd
ream
ingm
etho
dsc
om
idno
=224
33
First Name Iggi Family Name HayerGender MaleDOB 04041968Place of birth Cape Town South AfricaRelocation UK 08121980 Status British CitizenMarital Status Married (Deceased 071107)Children 0
Clearance
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
35
Profile ndash Family
Fathers Occupation Doctor (WHO) specialism malaria (Deceased)Nationality DutchMothers Occupation Teacher (Deceased)Nationality British
Security
ID Number 67236110080Resisted ID card 6 months prison
PULHES Factor 212114Overall good physical health Early childhood trauma erratic behaviour disturbed sleep regular medical prescription
IAO status 6Bank accounts (3) International travel per yr (6) store cards (9)Social networking myspace
TIA information 9Organised protestsActivistDistribution of inflammatory press
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
37drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
cap
ped
sciencefieldworkbook from nightingalersquosplayground
29
One lunch time we were out in the playground throwing bits of sandwiches to the birds It was hammering it down and thundering distantly and everyone else was in the canteen Everything looked grey and drained like it needed colouring in Alex turned to me with a soaking wet shiny face and said ldquoWhat if someonersquos already done it though What if someonersquos already got pixels down to the size of atoms and like - thatrsquos what all of this isrdquo He pointed at me ndash the school ndash the playground ndash the playingfields ndash in a big 360 circle
ldquoYou mean like wersquore in a game alreadyrdquo I said It sounded stupid but I quite liked it ndash Irsquod never thought of that before ldquoGood graphicsrdquo I said stretching my arms out and spinning around in the rain I was freezing ldquoBest graphics Irsquove ever seen in my life Alex you look so realrdquo I laughed
Alex didnrsquot think it was funny He looked lost in his own drenched thoughts and he was staring at me in a way he sometimes did that made me feel a bit strange like he wasnrsquot sure if he liked me or not anymore ldquoThing isrdquo he said ldquoIf someonersquos done it already then whorsquos the player Which person is actually playingrdquo
He carried on looking at me and then said a bit louder ldquoBollocks what if Irsquom the player and ndash like yoursquore not real yoursquore just a sprite designed to look like yourdquo
ldquoIrsquom not a spriterdquo I said feeling a bit annoyed hersquod said that I looked down at my trousers and then back up again like I was double-checking that I was real ldquoI canrsquot be a sprite Irsquom me ndash I know Irsquom merdquo I waited a moment and then said ldquoWhat if yoursquore a sprite I might be the playerrdquo
ldquoBut how do I knowrdquo Alex said ldquoYou might be programmed to say yoursquore not a sprite so I feel like yoursquore realrdquo
ldquoBut I AM realrdquo I shouted ldquoCourse Irsquom real you nob this is stupidrdquo I walked off
My Commodore 64 was wired up to an old TV in my Granrsquos back room Mum didnrsquot even know it was there My Gran thew a blanket over it in the evenings after Irsquod brushed my teeth to make sure no ldquoradiationrdquo came off it She didnrsquot understand what I did on it but she liked the colours and sounds the games made She worried I spent too long on it though She said I always looked pale when I came off it and that I sometimes had nightmares about it ldquoNo I donrsquotrdquo I said laughing ldquoWhat nightmaresrdquo
I had a small collection of original casette games on a low shelf clamped between a really old dictionary and a book about British birds I ran my fingers along the games boxes until I came to The Sentinel which was Alexrsquos I pulled it out
Alex loved The Sentinel I found it really hard to play You had to use the keyboard so I found it complicated and fiddly I didnrsquot like games that didnrsquot let you use a joystick What was the point
The Sentinel was the only game Irsquod ever seen featured in Zzap 64 magazine which hadnrsquot been given a score out of 100 The reviewers had said it was ldquotoo unusual and uniquerdquo to actually give it an overall percentage Theyrsquod given it a Gold Medal Award for being so amazingly original but they hadnrsquot had a clue how else to score it
How mad was that How could they have not scored it
The Sentinel had 10000 levels That was a lot compared to most other games with levels
However with the Sentinel being so hard to play and complicated to understand I found it hard to imagine anyone even attempting to try and complete it Surely those 10000 levels werenrsquot really levels that had been properly carefully designed by someone That would have taken years
Those 10000 levels had to have been generated I thought By the computer Maybe at random Or maybe there was some kind of formula inside the program that generated them from the beginning and then sort of expanded them out when the game loaded - blew them up like blow-up beach toys squashed inside a suitcase
Whatever 10000 was still an impressive number I looked at The Sentinelrsquos cassette tape It was black with The Sentinel written on it in bright red writing It also had a symbol of a red firebird on it That was the name of the software publisher - ldquoFirebirdrdquo Theyrsquod published all sorts of pretty good games but never anything as weird as The Sentinel
On average the The Sentinel took one minute twenty five seconds to load Sometimes when Irsquod got the position of the screw right inside the cassette player attached to the C64 it loaded a bit quicker than that
One minute and twenty five seconds was amazingly quick for 10000 levels
I held the cassette up to my face and studied it
31
The location of my science fieldwork book came back into my mind several weeks after Alex disappeared ndash when it was announced in science that we all had about two days to hand in our coursework before the final exam I felt my stomach churn until that moment I had totally forgotten that wersquod buried my book and I really didnrsquot like the prospect of having to dig it up
My Gran gave me an old trowel which helped She was very used to me going out into the garden to potter around and sometimes do a bit of digging My Granrsquos garden wasnrsquot really a garden it was more of an overgrown grass-heap littered with patches of nettles and dandelions and other such weeds But I loved it for that It was beautifully wild and unmanaged
I found the patch of soily ground where Alex and I had buried my book and rammed the trowel into it I felt sad that he wasnrsquot around to see this The soil had hardened a little in the cold and it seemed to take a lot of effort to make even a shallow hole
After about ten minutes with filthy hands and still no book I wondered whether I was actually digging in the right place But then I saw a dirty page-corner poking out of the earth and started to bulldoze my way around it
What was weird was that the book seemed thicker than it had been when wersquod burried it ndash about twice as thick actually This didnrsquot make sense at first until I managed to loosen the ground around it enough to actually pull the book out at which point I realised it wasnrsquot just one book anymore ndash it was two
They were near-identical pale green wide-ruled school excercise books which looked authentically shitty and well-used On the front cover of the first book where it said NAME in black print followed by a long ______________ space was scribbled Carl Robertson Science Class 4B and on the other in the same place Alex Nightingale Science Class 4B
33
For free discussion papers about the concept of digital fi ction - some of which date back over 14 y
ears
- vis
it ht
tp
ww
wd
ream
ingm
etho
dsc
om
idno
=224
33
First Name Iggi Family Name HayerGender MaleDOB 04041968Place of birth Cape Town South AfricaRelocation UK 08121980 Status British CitizenMarital Status Married (Deceased 071107)Children 0
Clearance
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
35
Profile ndash Family
Fathers Occupation Doctor (WHO) specialism malaria (Deceased)Nationality DutchMothers Occupation Teacher (Deceased)Nationality British
Security
ID Number 67236110080Resisted ID card 6 months prison
PULHES Factor 212114Overall good physical health Early childhood trauma erratic behaviour disturbed sleep regular medical prescription
IAO status 6Bank accounts (3) International travel per yr (6) store cards (9)Social networking myspace
TIA information 9Organised protestsActivistDistribution of inflammatory press
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
37drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
cap
ped
One lunch time we were out in the playground throwing bits of sandwiches to the birds It was hammering it down and thundering distantly and everyone else was in the canteen Everything looked grey and drained like it needed colouring in Alex turned to me with a soaking wet shiny face and said ldquoWhat if someonersquos already done it though What if someonersquos already got pixels down to the size of atoms and like - thatrsquos what all of this isrdquo He pointed at me ndash the school ndash the playground ndash the playingfields ndash in a big 360 circle
ldquoYou mean like wersquore in a game alreadyrdquo I said It sounded stupid but I quite liked it ndash Irsquod never thought of that before ldquoGood graphicsrdquo I said stretching my arms out and spinning around in the rain I was freezing ldquoBest graphics Irsquove ever seen in my life Alex you look so realrdquo I laughed
Alex didnrsquot think it was funny He looked lost in his own drenched thoughts and he was staring at me in a way he sometimes did that made me feel a bit strange like he wasnrsquot sure if he liked me or not anymore ldquoThing isrdquo he said ldquoIf someonersquos done it already then whorsquos the player Which person is actually playingrdquo
He carried on looking at me and then said a bit louder ldquoBollocks what if Irsquom the player and ndash like yoursquore not real yoursquore just a sprite designed to look like yourdquo
ldquoIrsquom not a spriterdquo I said feeling a bit annoyed hersquod said that I looked down at my trousers and then back up again like I was double-checking that I was real ldquoI canrsquot be a sprite Irsquom me ndash I know Irsquom merdquo I waited a moment and then said ldquoWhat if yoursquore a sprite I might be the playerrdquo
ldquoBut how do I knowrdquo Alex said ldquoYou might be programmed to say yoursquore not a sprite so I feel like yoursquore realrdquo
ldquoBut I AM realrdquo I shouted ldquoCourse Irsquom real you nob this is stupidrdquo I walked off
My Commodore 64 was wired up to an old TV in my Granrsquos back room Mum didnrsquot even know it was there My Gran thew a blanket over it in the evenings after Irsquod brushed my teeth to make sure no ldquoradiationrdquo came off it She didnrsquot understand what I did on it but she liked the colours and sounds the games made She worried I spent too long on it though She said I always looked pale when I came off it and that I sometimes had nightmares about it ldquoNo I donrsquotrdquo I said laughing ldquoWhat nightmaresrdquo
I had a small collection of original casette games on a low shelf clamped between a really old dictionary and a book about British birds I ran my fingers along the games boxes until I came to The Sentinel which was Alexrsquos I pulled it out
Alex loved The Sentinel I found it really hard to play You had to use the keyboard so I found it complicated and fiddly I didnrsquot like games that didnrsquot let you use a joystick What was the point
The Sentinel was the only game Irsquod ever seen featured in Zzap 64 magazine which hadnrsquot been given a score out of 100 The reviewers had said it was ldquotoo unusual and uniquerdquo to actually give it an overall percentage Theyrsquod given it a Gold Medal Award for being so amazingly original but they hadnrsquot had a clue how else to score it
How mad was that How could they have not scored it
The Sentinel had 10000 levels That was a lot compared to most other games with levels
However with the Sentinel being so hard to play and complicated to understand I found it hard to imagine anyone even attempting to try and complete it Surely those 10000 levels werenrsquot really levels that had been properly carefully designed by someone That would have taken years
Those 10000 levels had to have been generated I thought By the computer Maybe at random Or maybe there was some kind of formula inside the program that generated them from the beginning and then sort of expanded them out when the game loaded - blew them up like blow-up beach toys squashed inside a suitcase
Whatever 10000 was still an impressive number I looked at The Sentinelrsquos cassette tape It was black with The Sentinel written on it in bright red writing It also had a symbol of a red firebird on it That was the name of the software publisher - ldquoFirebirdrdquo Theyrsquod published all sorts of pretty good games but never anything as weird as The Sentinel
On average the The Sentinel took one minute twenty five seconds to load Sometimes when Irsquod got the position of the screw right inside the cassette player attached to the C64 it loaded a bit quicker than that
One minute and twenty five seconds was amazingly quick for 10000 levels
I held the cassette up to my face and studied it
31
The location of my science fieldwork book came back into my mind several weeks after Alex disappeared ndash when it was announced in science that we all had about two days to hand in our coursework before the final exam I felt my stomach churn until that moment I had totally forgotten that wersquod buried my book and I really didnrsquot like the prospect of having to dig it up
My Gran gave me an old trowel which helped She was very used to me going out into the garden to potter around and sometimes do a bit of digging My Granrsquos garden wasnrsquot really a garden it was more of an overgrown grass-heap littered with patches of nettles and dandelions and other such weeds But I loved it for that It was beautifully wild and unmanaged
I found the patch of soily ground where Alex and I had buried my book and rammed the trowel into it I felt sad that he wasnrsquot around to see this The soil had hardened a little in the cold and it seemed to take a lot of effort to make even a shallow hole
After about ten minutes with filthy hands and still no book I wondered whether I was actually digging in the right place But then I saw a dirty page-corner poking out of the earth and started to bulldoze my way around it
What was weird was that the book seemed thicker than it had been when wersquod burried it ndash about twice as thick actually This didnrsquot make sense at first until I managed to loosen the ground around it enough to actually pull the book out at which point I realised it wasnrsquot just one book anymore ndash it was two
They were near-identical pale green wide-ruled school excercise books which looked authentically shitty and well-used On the front cover of the first book where it said NAME in black print followed by a long ______________ space was scribbled Carl Robertson Science Class 4B and on the other in the same place Alex Nightingale Science Class 4B
33
For free discussion papers about the concept of digital fi ction - some of which date back over 14 y
ears
- vis
it ht
tp
ww
wd
ream
ingm
etho
dsc
om
idno
=224
33
First Name Iggi Family Name HayerGender MaleDOB 04041968Place of birth Cape Town South AfricaRelocation UK 08121980 Status British CitizenMarital Status Married (Deceased 071107)Children 0
Clearance
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
35
Profile ndash Family
Fathers Occupation Doctor (WHO) specialism malaria (Deceased)Nationality DutchMothers Occupation Teacher (Deceased)Nationality British
Security
ID Number 67236110080Resisted ID card 6 months prison
PULHES Factor 212114Overall good physical health Early childhood trauma erratic behaviour disturbed sleep regular medical prescription
IAO status 6Bank accounts (3) International travel per yr (6) store cards (9)Social networking myspace
TIA information 9Organised protestsActivistDistribution of inflammatory press
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
37drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
cap
ped
My Commodore 64 was wired up to an old TV in my Granrsquos back room Mum didnrsquot even know it was there My Gran thew a blanket over it in the evenings after Irsquod brushed my teeth to make sure no ldquoradiationrdquo came off it She didnrsquot understand what I did on it but she liked the colours and sounds the games made She worried I spent too long on it though She said I always looked pale when I came off it and that I sometimes had nightmares about it ldquoNo I donrsquotrdquo I said laughing ldquoWhat nightmaresrdquo
I had a small collection of original casette games on a low shelf clamped between a really old dictionary and a book about British birds I ran my fingers along the games boxes until I came to The Sentinel which was Alexrsquos I pulled it out
Alex loved The Sentinel I found it really hard to play You had to use the keyboard so I found it complicated and fiddly I didnrsquot like games that didnrsquot let you use a joystick What was the point
The Sentinel was the only game Irsquod ever seen featured in Zzap 64 magazine which hadnrsquot been given a score out of 100 The reviewers had said it was ldquotoo unusual and uniquerdquo to actually give it an overall percentage Theyrsquod given it a Gold Medal Award for being so amazingly original but they hadnrsquot had a clue how else to score it
How mad was that How could they have not scored it
The Sentinel had 10000 levels That was a lot compared to most other games with levels
However with the Sentinel being so hard to play and complicated to understand I found it hard to imagine anyone even attempting to try and complete it Surely those 10000 levels werenrsquot really levels that had been properly carefully designed by someone That would have taken years
Those 10000 levels had to have been generated I thought By the computer Maybe at random Or maybe there was some kind of formula inside the program that generated them from the beginning and then sort of expanded them out when the game loaded - blew them up like blow-up beach toys squashed inside a suitcase
Whatever 10000 was still an impressive number I looked at The Sentinelrsquos cassette tape It was black with The Sentinel written on it in bright red writing It also had a symbol of a red firebird on it That was the name of the software publisher - ldquoFirebirdrdquo Theyrsquod published all sorts of pretty good games but never anything as weird as The Sentinel
On average the The Sentinel took one minute twenty five seconds to load Sometimes when Irsquod got the position of the screw right inside the cassette player attached to the C64 it loaded a bit quicker than that
One minute and twenty five seconds was amazingly quick for 10000 levels
I held the cassette up to my face and studied it
31
The location of my science fieldwork book came back into my mind several weeks after Alex disappeared ndash when it was announced in science that we all had about two days to hand in our coursework before the final exam I felt my stomach churn until that moment I had totally forgotten that wersquod buried my book and I really didnrsquot like the prospect of having to dig it up
My Gran gave me an old trowel which helped She was very used to me going out into the garden to potter around and sometimes do a bit of digging My Granrsquos garden wasnrsquot really a garden it was more of an overgrown grass-heap littered with patches of nettles and dandelions and other such weeds But I loved it for that It was beautifully wild and unmanaged
I found the patch of soily ground where Alex and I had buried my book and rammed the trowel into it I felt sad that he wasnrsquot around to see this The soil had hardened a little in the cold and it seemed to take a lot of effort to make even a shallow hole
After about ten minutes with filthy hands and still no book I wondered whether I was actually digging in the right place But then I saw a dirty page-corner poking out of the earth and started to bulldoze my way around it
What was weird was that the book seemed thicker than it had been when wersquod burried it ndash about twice as thick actually This didnrsquot make sense at first until I managed to loosen the ground around it enough to actually pull the book out at which point I realised it wasnrsquot just one book anymore ndash it was two
They were near-identical pale green wide-ruled school excercise books which looked authentically shitty and well-used On the front cover of the first book where it said NAME in black print followed by a long ______________ space was scribbled Carl Robertson Science Class 4B and on the other in the same place Alex Nightingale Science Class 4B
33
For free discussion papers about the concept of digital fi ction - some of which date back over 14 y
ears
- vis
it ht
tp
ww
wd
ream
ingm
etho
dsc
om
idno
=224
33
First Name Iggi Family Name HayerGender MaleDOB 04041968Place of birth Cape Town South AfricaRelocation UK 08121980 Status British CitizenMarital Status Married (Deceased 071107)Children 0
Clearance
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
35
Profile ndash Family
Fathers Occupation Doctor (WHO) specialism malaria (Deceased)Nationality DutchMothers Occupation Teacher (Deceased)Nationality British
Security
ID Number 67236110080Resisted ID card 6 months prison
PULHES Factor 212114Overall good physical health Early childhood trauma erratic behaviour disturbed sleep regular medical prescription
IAO status 6Bank accounts (3) International travel per yr (6) store cards (9)Social networking myspace
TIA information 9Organised protestsActivistDistribution of inflammatory press
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
37drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
cap
ped
The location of my science fieldwork book came back into my mind several weeks after Alex disappeared ndash when it was announced in science that we all had about two days to hand in our coursework before the final exam I felt my stomach churn until that moment I had totally forgotten that wersquod buried my book and I really didnrsquot like the prospect of having to dig it up
My Gran gave me an old trowel which helped She was very used to me going out into the garden to potter around and sometimes do a bit of digging My Granrsquos garden wasnrsquot really a garden it was more of an overgrown grass-heap littered with patches of nettles and dandelions and other such weeds But I loved it for that It was beautifully wild and unmanaged
I found the patch of soily ground where Alex and I had buried my book and rammed the trowel into it I felt sad that he wasnrsquot around to see this The soil had hardened a little in the cold and it seemed to take a lot of effort to make even a shallow hole
After about ten minutes with filthy hands and still no book I wondered whether I was actually digging in the right place But then I saw a dirty page-corner poking out of the earth and started to bulldoze my way around it
What was weird was that the book seemed thicker than it had been when wersquod burried it ndash about twice as thick actually This didnrsquot make sense at first until I managed to loosen the ground around it enough to actually pull the book out at which point I realised it wasnrsquot just one book anymore ndash it was two
They were near-identical pale green wide-ruled school excercise books which looked authentically shitty and well-used On the front cover of the first book where it said NAME in black print followed by a long ______________ space was scribbled Carl Robertson Science Class 4B and on the other in the same place Alex Nightingale Science Class 4B
33
For free discussion papers about the concept of digital fi ction - some of which date back over 14 y
ears
- vis
it ht
tp
ww
wd
ream
ingm
etho
dsc
om
idno
=224
33
First Name Iggi Family Name HayerGender MaleDOB 04041968Place of birth Cape Town South AfricaRelocation UK 08121980 Status British CitizenMarital Status Married (Deceased 071107)Children 0
Clearance
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
35
Profile ndash Family
Fathers Occupation Doctor (WHO) specialism malaria (Deceased)Nationality DutchMothers Occupation Teacher (Deceased)Nationality British
Security
ID Number 67236110080Resisted ID card 6 months prison
PULHES Factor 212114Overall good physical health Early childhood trauma erratic behaviour disturbed sleep regular medical prescription
IAO status 6Bank accounts (3) International travel per yr (6) store cards (9)Social networking myspace
TIA information 9Organised protestsActivistDistribution of inflammatory press
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
37drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
cap
ped
They were near-identical pale green wide-ruled school excercise books which looked authentically shitty and well-used On the front cover of the first book where it said NAME in black print followed by a long ______________ space was scribbled Carl Robertson Science Class 4B and on the other in the same place Alex Nightingale Science Class 4B
33
For free discussion papers about the concept of digital fi ction - some of which date back over 14 y
ears
- vis
it ht
tp
ww
wd
ream
ingm
etho
dsc
om
idno
=224
33
First Name Iggi Family Name HayerGender MaleDOB 04041968Place of birth Cape Town South AfricaRelocation UK 08121980 Status British CitizenMarital Status Married (Deceased 071107)Children 0
Clearance
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
35
Profile ndash Family
Fathers Occupation Doctor (WHO) specialism malaria (Deceased)Nationality DutchMothers Occupation Teacher (Deceased)Nationality British
Security
ID Number 67236110080Resisted ID card 6 months prison
PULHES Factor 212114Overall good physical health Early childhood trauma erratic behaviour disturbed sleep regular medical prescription
IAO status 6Bank accounts (3) International travel per yr (6) store cards (9)Social networking myspace
TIA information 9Organised protestsActivistDistribution of inflammatory press
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
37drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
cap
ped
For free discussion papers about the concept of digital fi ction - some of which date back over 14 y
ears
- vis
it ht
tp
ww
wd
ream
ingm
etho
dsc
om
idno
=224
33
First Name Iggi Family Name HayerGender MaleDOB 04041968Place of birth Cape Town South AfricaRelocation UK 08121980 Status British CitizenMarital Status Married (Deceased 071107)Children 0
Clearance
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
35
Profile ndash Family
Fathers Occupation Doctor (WHO) specialism malaria (Deceased)Nationality DutchMothers Occupation Teacher (Deceased)Nationality British
Security
ID Number 67236110080Resisted ID card 6 months prison
PULHES Factor 212114Overall good physical health Early childhood trauma erratic behaviour disturbed sleep regular medical prescription
IAO status 6Bank accounts (3) International travel per yr (6) store cards (9)Social networking myspace
TIA information 9Organised protestsActivistDistribution of inflammatory press
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
37drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
cap
ped
33
First Name Iggi Family Name HayerGender MaleDOB 04041968Place of birth Cape Town South AfricaRelocation UK 08121980 Status British CitizenMarital Status Married (Deceased 071107)Children 0
Clearance
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
35
Profile ndash Family
Fathers Occupation Doctor (WHO) specialism malaria (Deceased)Nationality DutchMothers Occupation Teacher (Deceased)Nationality British
Security
ID Number 67236110080Resisted ID card 6 months prison
PULHES Factor 212114Overall good physical health Early childhood trauma erratic behaviour disturbed sleep regular medical prescription
IAO status 6Bank accounts (3) International travel per yr (6) store cards (9)Social networking myspace
TIA information 9Organised protestsActivistDistribution of inflammatory press
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
37drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
cap
ped
Profile ndash Family
Fathers Occupation Doctor (WHO) specialism malaria (Deceased)Nationality DutchMothers Occupation Teacher (Deceased)Nationality British
Security
ID Number 67236110080Resisted ID card 6 months prison
PULHES Factor 212114Overall good physical health Early childhood trauma erratic behaviour disturbed sleep regular medical prescription
IAO status 6Bank accounts (3) International travel per yr (6) store cards (9)Social networking myspace
TIA information 9Organised protestsActivistDistribution of inflammatory press
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
37drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
cap
ped
37drea
min
gmet
hods
com
upl
oads
cle
aran
ce
drea
min
gmet
hods
com
cap
ped