Download - ASSERTIVENESS Communication
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Program Objectives
Understand the philosophy ofbeing assertive.
Recognize the differences between being
assertive and aggressive throughexploration of personal reactions togiven situations.
Participate in role-playing exercises topractice the tenets of being assertive.
Instill in participants the courage to beassertive -- in the most appropriate and
effective way.
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A Challenge
Please write a One SentenceDefinition of
A S S E R T I V E N E S S.
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Definition of Assertiveness
An honest, direct, and appropriate
expression of one's feelings,
thoughts, and beliefs.
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Test Your Assertiveness (1 of 3)
Can you express negative feelings
about other people and their behaviors
without using abusive language?
Are you able to exercise and express
your strengths?
Can you easily recognize andcompliment other peoples
achievements?
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Test Your Assertiveness (2 of 3)
Do you have the confidence to ask
for what is rightfully yours?
Can you accept criticism without
being defensive?
Do you feel comfortable accepting
compliments?
Are you able to stand up for
your rights?
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Test Your Assertiveness (3 of 3)
Are you able to refuse unreasonable
requests from friends, family, or co-
workers?
Can you comfortably start and carry
on a conversation with others?
Do you ask for assistance whenyou need it ?
A yes response to the questions
indicates an assertive approach.
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Why Assertiveness Is Important?
Effective communication bringsabout the achievement of
individual and/or shared goals.
Assertiveness increases your ability
to reach these goals while
maintaining your rights anddignity.
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The Myths About Assertiveness
Other peoples feelings and rights aremore important than yours.
You are not importantenough to express your
feelings and rights.
You will offend other peopleby being assertive.
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Assertive Rights
You have the right to be assertive.
You have the right to request that otherschange their behavior if they are infringing
on your rights. You have the right to use your own time
to answer questions.
You have the right to express your needseven if they are illogical.
Be aware that there are responsibilitiesattached to all these rights!
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Remember
You do not live in isolation.
Your actions impact everyone.
You are in control of your behavior.
Your response to a situation must be
guided by ascertaining your rights andresponsibilities and following through.
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Whats Keeping You From Being
Assertive? Fear of change.
Refusal to admit their submissiveness.
Fear of ruining relationships if you speak
your mind.
Lack confidence in your ability.
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Have You Ever Felt
guilty about saying no?
that others regard you as a pushover?
that its better to be well liked than wellrespected?
that outbursts of anger are appropriate?
that intimidation is the only way you can
get what you want?
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Sound Familiar?
If any of these things sound likeyou, it means you are probably
exhibiting non-assertive
behavior.
Realize that you are not alone. Non-
assertive behavior is very common
in the workplace.
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A Caution
While assertiveness is a key factorin enhancing quality of work life,
group dynamics, and interpersonal
climate, it is not always appropriate.
Q: How can you tell?
A: Tailor your response
to the situation.
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Wise Words
Ask yourself:1. How important is being assertive in this
particular situation?
2. What will you think of yourself if you arenot assertive now?
3. What are the consequences of assertive
behavior?4. Do the costs of this behavior outweigh the
benefits?
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What Assertiveness Is
Respect for yourself and others.
Honestly expressing yourthoughts, feelings, and beliefs.
Effectively influencing, listening,and negotiating with others.
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What Assertiveness Is Not
It is important to remember thatassertiveness is notaggressiveness or selfishness.
Being assertive does not involvehumiliating or abusing otherpeople and their rights.
Being assertive does not meanviolating the rights of others orgaining at the expense of some
one elses loss.
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Aggressiveness Is
Inappropriately expressing yourthoughts, feelings, and beliefs in a waythat violates other peoples rights.
Achieving your goal by not allowingothers the freedom to choose.
Completely disrespecting otherswhether it be in an active orpassive method.
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Are You Aggressive? (1 of 2)
Do you become abusive, whether itbe verbal or physical, whencriticizing others?
Do you purposely make others feellike they are incompetent orunimportant?
Do you make unreasonabledemands of other people?
A yes answer to any of the questions
may indicate aggressive behavior.
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Are You Aggressive? (2 of 2)
Do you brag or exaggerate yourachievements?
Do you ignore the rights and
feelings of other people? Do you aim to get your way at
all costs?
Do you often dominateconversations with others?
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Acting Unassertiveness Is
Acting in an indirect or passivemanner.
Permitting others to take advantage
of you by violating your rights. Thinking that you and your needs
are inferior to others and theirneeds.
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Are You Unassertive? (1 of 2)
Do you feel guilty standing up foryour fights or expressing yourfeelings?
Are you unable to recognize andacknowledge your strengths?
Are you uncomfortable with startingor carrying on a conversation?
Do you rarely stand up for yourself?
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Are You Unassertive? (2 of 2)
Do you have trouble saying no topeople?
Are you unable to ask other people to
perform reasonable requests for you? Do you feel that you let other people
take advantage of you?
A yes answer to any of the questionsmay indicate unassertive behavior.
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Assertiveness vs. Authority
If you use effective communication
skills, assertiveness and self confidence,most situations may be resolved.
However, using your authority is
legitimate as a secondary option.
Should you pull rank?
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More Words to the Wise
o Dont use these cautionsas an excuse to perpetuate
unassertive behavior.
o More often than not,assertiveness is appropriate
to the situation and you
should not hesitate inapplying it.
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Joan is at a meeting where the topicis the profitability of the project shes
been working on for three months
straight. She has not said a word inthe past hour. Suddenly she jumps
up and accuses the boss of
deliberately canceling the project
based on personal dislike.
What Would You Say?
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The copier has been broken for twodays. Sam asked the secretary to call
in for repairs several times with no
effect. He says nothing and ends upcalling it in himself. After all, he
thinks, shes probably too busy
typing up that memo he gave her this
morning.
What Would You Say?
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Bob is in line at the deli counter waitingto be served. His number is about to be
called next. Suddenly, a woman steps in
front of him and places her order. Bobvociferously complains about the deli
worker and the woman, exclaims he
will never shop there again, tosses his
ticket, and stalks off.
What Would You Say?
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Judys boss asks her to go on animportant business trip which will
carry over into the weekend of her
sisters wedding. Judy feels she cantrefuse her boss and plans on sending
her spouse to the wedding in her
place.
What Would You Say?
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What Would You Say?
George is next in line to buy ticketsin a crowded movie theatre lobby.
Just as his turn comes up, a man cuts
in front of him and requests tickets.George meekly steps back to allow
the man room and hopes he gets
waited on next.
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What Did You Say?
Q: Do you think that thesewere appropriate andeffective ways to
handle the situations?A: The answer is probably
no. Reactions like these
usually cause moreproblems than they solve.
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A Passive Person
Passive people usually:
Speak softly and hesitantly.
Use fillers like uh and um.
Avoid eye contact.
Allow other people in theirpersonal space.
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Should I Use Force?
Passiveness is clearly not conduciveto ascertaining your personal rights,but you dont need to go to the otherextreme to be assertive.
You dont have to be forceful to beassertive.
Soft-spoken people can be assertive
too!There is no one way to be assertivecorrectly, but there are things toavoid.
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An Aggressive Person
Raise their voices when they lose
control.
Shout and use accusatory language like
You should and You must. Stare people down and may invade
other peoples personal space
physically.
Infringes on others rights, using fear andintimidation to get what he or she wants.
Aggressive people often:
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An Assertive Person
Assertive people usually:
Asserts his or her own rights in a positive,open, honest, and self-confident manner.
Speak calmly and confidently.
Notify other people of their feelingswith statements starting with I thinkand I feel.
Maintain eye contact, have goodposture and are poised and in control.
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Several Tips
Be cognizant of your expression.
Do not act hastily or in anger.
Remain calm, cool, courteous &collected.
Avoid making mountains out ofmolehills.
Following these simple suggestions will presentyou as someone who is confident & optimistic --as opposed to someone who is hostile and angry.
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Six Personality Types
Dreamers.
Whiners.
Mutes.
Hamsters.
Invisible Beings.
Pit-bulls.
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Hamsters
Do good work, get respect, BUT getnowhere when it comes to career
advancement. Where do all their
efforts go?
They may be assertivefor the organization they
work for, but fall shortwhen it comes tostanding up forthemselves.
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Invisible Beings
They do good workBUT nobody knows it.
Their unassertivenesslets others take creditfor their achievements
and that leaves themout of the limelight.
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Pit-bulls
Their overly aggressivebehavior gets in the way
of their success at work.
They may be goodworkers, but the
disruption and tensionthey create makes themdisliked and puts them on
the defensive.
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Dreamers
Day-dreamingshows a lack of self control
that keeps them from advancing.
Work that they eventually
turn in is acceptable.This lack of
focus may indicate low self-esteem.
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Whiners
They constantly complainabout exactly what they
dont like, yet expect
others to speak up and
change the situation.
They do nothing to affectthe change themselves, nomatter how much takingdecisive actions would helpremedy their complaints.
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Mutes
They have a problemsaying no and, forthat matter, much ofanything at all.
They take everythingthats given, whetherthey like it or not, andtheir passivity makesthem over-worked andstressed.
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Nine Types Of Assertive Response
Disagree in both a passive and activemanner depending on the situation.
Let other people understand moreabout you let them share yourthoughts and experiences.
Always ask for answers when you
have questions regarding any issueseven when it is with a person ofauthority.
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Nine Types Of Assertive Response
Be reasonable when you are in adiscussion with others without lettingthem dominate the interaction.
Always look directly into theeyes of the person you aretalking to.
Say no to any requests youare uncomfortable with orfeel is unreasonable.
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Nine Types Of Assertive Response
Accept compliments graciously withoutfeeling embarrassed or the need todepreciate yourself.
Insist on being treated fairlyand justly never let otherstake advantage of you.
Be friendly and sincere with thepeople you would like to knowbetter; give them a chance to getto know you.
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Are You Assertive at the
Workplace?Then you do your job wellwhile maintaining your rights
and fulfilling yourresponsibilities.
Dont worry if you dont fit intothis category yet Theres stillhope!
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Developing to Your Full
Assertive Potential Inside everyone, theres an
assertive person trying
to get out.
Whats keeping you back?
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Tension at Work
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Relax !
By controllingtension you will
also control thepossibilities ofoutbursts andunnecessary or
unproductiveanger.
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Relaxing Techniques
Remember to keep on breathing!
Inhale, count to 10, exhale, repeat...
Tried and true methods are best
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Heading Tension Off At The Pass
Finding appropriate
ways to deal with:
Conflicts
Grievances
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What To Do When Confronted
With a Problem
Controlling youremotions is the first stepto helping solve, rather
than magnify, thisproblem assertively.
Get a Grip
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What To Do When Confronted
With a Problem
Examine the situationcarefully and make sureyou have a handle on all
thefacts. Look to see ifyou are in fact alsocontributing to the
situation.
Reach for Logic
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What To Do When Confronted
With a ProblemDont Keep a Lid On It
Procrastination will onlymake it worse. Pent-up
frustrations could lead to
unwanted explosionsthat may be moreproblematic than the
original situation.
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What To Do When Confronted
With a ProblemDont Take It So Hard
Remember to keepperspective when things getsticky, and dont take things
personally. It will only
increase your emotionalinvolvement and hamperyour ability to resolve the
situation.
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In Dealing With Conflicts
Deal with the situationimmediately.
Listen carefully.
Sort out the facts from theemotional content.
Avoid being defensive.
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In Dealing With Conflicts
Ask questions.
Compliment the individual/group for
having the courage to bring this toyour attention.
Respond calmly and clearly.
Offer alternatives.
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If You Have A Grievance
Deal with the situationimmediately. Be prepared to listen. Avoid being emotional.
Avoid putting the otherperson on the defensive.
Be prepared and know thefacts.
Remain calm. Have the courage to be
assertive.
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Whos Afraid Of...
The only thingsomeone should
fear is missing
opportunities bycontinuing to
worry and feed
passive attitudes.
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Making the First Move
Overcoming the Fear ofBeing Assertive:
Concentrate.
Remember who youre with
and tailor your discussion.
Be tactful and honest.
Make eye contact.
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Interpersonal Skills at Work
Avoid misunderstandingwhich can lead to frustration.
Being assertive means being
open and direct. Are your requests reasonable?
Are you sure you know whatyou want from other people?
Are your requests easyto understand?
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Keys to More Power!
Increased assertiveness leads toincreased powerful verbal
communication.
The Keys to Communication:
Verbal
Non-verbal
Written
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Verbal Communication
Avoid fillers like uh and umand diminutives like little, onlyand just.
Dont use Im sorry if youre notsincere or if the situation doesnt callfor it.
Always keep in mind your tone andvolume, and how think about howthey may be perceived by others.
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Non-Verbal Communication
Be aware of gestures and bodylanguage.
Make sure to allow for comfortable
personal space between you and theperson youre communicating with.
Always maintain good posture.
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Written Communication
Be concise and clear.
Use the active voice when writing,
and remember to be inclusive and
aware of your audience.
Use specific and simple language.
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Communication is a Goal
Other Aspects of GoodCommunication:
Listening well.
Controlling your emotions.
Letting people know how you feel. Making assertive statements.
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Tips on Listening Well
Paraphrase what the speakerhas said.
Maintain eye contact andverbally encourage the
speaker. Ask informative and
clarifying questions.
Being anActive Listener:
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Controlling Your Emotions (1 of 2)
1. Breathe, relax, and remain
calm.
2. Realize demonstrations ofanger, shouting, and threats
are never appropriate.
3. Use neutral, non-judgmentalstatements.
ll
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Controlling Your Emotions (2 of 2)
4. Consider the other partys
viewpoint and emotions.
5. Dont make accusatorystatements-- blame is usually
a dead-end road.
6. Check yourself before yousay something youll regret
later on.
i
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Four Steps To Saying No (1 of 2)
1. Listen to the request - Make sureyou understand the requestcompletely before coming to ahasty conclusion. Ask questionsif you need any clarification.
2. Say no immediately - You do
not need to justify your decision.If you start doing so, you will beprolonging the conversationunnecessarily.
F S T S i N
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Four Steps To Saying No (2 of 2)
3. Give a reason for your refusal Without giving a reason, you maycome off as uncooperative orhostile. A clear and honest reason
will be sufficient, you do not needto argue with the other party.
4. Offer to find an alternative Letthe other party know that you willtry to help them but you areunable to perform the entire
request.
U I S
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Use I Statements (1 of 4)
Three Parts:
3. Feelings
2. Effect
1. Behavior
U I S
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Use I Statements (2 of 4)
Three Parts:
What it is exactly, that the otherperson has done or is doing.
1. Behavior
U I St t t (3 f 4)
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Use I Statements (3 of 4):
Three Parts:
2. Effect
What it happening because oftheir behavior.
U I St t t (4 f 4)
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Use I Statements (4 of 4):
Three Parts:
3. Feelings
What effect does their behaviorhave on your feelings?
L tti Oth P l K
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Letting Other People KnowHow You Feel
While remaining cooland collected, try to
explain your point ofview.
Use terms like I feel
and I think ratherthan It should be orIt must.
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Describe your wants, needs and
intentions to other people.
Use terms like I want, I
need, and I plan to.
Making Assertive Statements
C i t A ti l / Skill
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Communicate Assertively/ Skills
Empathetic Assertion. Simple Assertion.
Self-Disclosure.
Workable Compromise.
Broken Record. Fogging.
Free Information.
Negative
Assertion.
M Ti
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More Tips
Communicating a request for change toanother person is probably one of thehardest tasks for the newly assertiveperson.
Using the following technique may helpsomeone get through those first tough
spots when it comes to difficultsituations.
R ti Ch F
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Requesting Change FromSomeone Else
1. Describe the situation.
2. Express your feelings on the subject.3. Request a behavior change.
4. State the positive consequences of
changed behavior.
Use this template as your guide when
dealing with sticky situations.
Th C it i f R ti
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The Criteria of RequestingChange
The method you use to request change from
someone else should include the following
six criteria.
o A good chance that the person you arerequesting change from will change.
o You will not be-little otherpeoples self-esteem.
o You will not violate the rights
of others.
Th C it i f R ti
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The Criteria of RequestingChange
o You will not damage your relationshipwith the person you are requesting
change from.
o You will not be defensive.
o You will not lessen the motivation ofthe other person.
D t G t M d
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Dont Get Mad...
Anger mayseem like aquick fix, but itwill get younowhere fast.
Yelling untilyou are blue in
the face willonly comeback to haunt
you later.
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Assertiveness isMore Than
Courage
Assertiveness is Also About
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Assertiveness is Also About
Setting limits.
Expressing your feelings.
No is Not a Dirty Word
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No isNota Dirty Word
If something makes you feel uncomfortableor if you feel the request is unreasonable,
then it is your prerogative to refuse.
Remember: You are not saying no to
the whole person, but only topart of the relationship whichmakes you feel uncomfortable.
No does not require anexplanation.
Dont Go Down the Passive
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Use good communication to
transmit your requests and feelings.
Don t Go Down the Passiveor Aggressive Road
PassiveAssertiveAggressive
First Impressions
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First Impressions
Slouching, avoidingeye contact, andother self-effacingmannerisms canshow a lack of selfconfidence.
This kind of self-presentation canperpetuate a cycle ofnon-assertive behavior.
Keeping Up Appearances
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Keeping Up Appearances
Part of standing up for yourselfis standing up straight!
And remember to look em in the eye!
I T W R d
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Its a Two-Way Road
Also be aware of the physicalresponses of others.
If people areavoiding yourstare or shyingaway, slowdown. You maybe coming ontoo strong.
Taking the First Step
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Taking the First Step
If you dont like the wayyou feel when youbehave a certain way,
know that you have thepower to change it!
Remember, the only
behavior you can controlis your own.
A
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A
journey ofa thousandmiles must
begin witha single
step.Chinese Proverb
Fears Which Block Assertive
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Fears Which Block AssertiveBehavior
1. Fear of making mistakes.
2. Fear of displeasing others.
3. Fear of disapproval.
4. Fear of appearing toomasculine or too feminine.
Fear
Reminder
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Reminder
Assertiveness =
Personal Authority
+ Confidence in Your Skills
+ Sense of Purpose+ Commitment to Goals
Start Out Small
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Start Out SmallMaster what you can manage
comfortably at first, then moveup to greater challenges.
Change is always gradual;its not immediate, but
its not impossibleeither.
You Can Change Your Habits
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You Can Change Your Habits
1. Identify what you want to change aboutyourself.
2. Set a goal.
3. Control your fears and anxieties.
4. Aim for a success that is manageable atfirst.
5. Keep a record to monitor your progress.
6. Practice, practice, practice!
Dont lose sight of your goal, andremember that upkeep is a life-long
commitment.
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Natural abilities are likenatural plants, that need
pruning by study...Francis Bacon
The Plays the Thing
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A good way to enforce what youve
learned is to role-play.
The Play s the Thing
Practice and feedback are essential to
discovering strengths and weaknesses,
as is having a chance to tryout your skills in a
supportive forum.
Tips on Assertiveness
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Tips on Assertiveness
Here are some communicationskills that will help you convey
an assertive attitude:
Be aware of your facial expression.
Always make eye contact.
Pay attention to what others aresaying and let them know that youare listening.
Tips on Assertiveness
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Tips on Assertiveness
Use a pleasant but firm voicewhen communicating.
Be aware of your gestures and howyou hold and present yourself.
Always ask questions when clarificationis needed to avoid misunderstanding.
Look for ways to solve the problem soall parties are satisfied.
Comfort Zone
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Comfort Zone
Comfort level is the degree towhich you feel comfortable withwhat is happening, while takinginto the situation, circumstances
and relationship.
Whenever the comfort levelis exceeded, Speak Up.
Time for the Diagnostic
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Time for the Diagnostic
How do you fare when it comes tobehaving assertively?
Knowing where you are personally
can help gauge how far youvecome and how much fartheryou have to go.
Action Plan
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What are you
going to
take action on?
Start with the
three easiest
items.
Action Plan
Action Steps
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Action Steps
List specific behaviors. Be as systematic as possible.
Rank the behaviors in terms of their
complexity or degree of difficulty. Rank the behaviors in terms of
chronological order.
Begin with the least difficult behavior. Advance to a more difficult behavior.
Break difficult behavior down into
several smaller behaviors.
Action Steps
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Attach time limits to each behavior. Repeat specific behavior until mastered.
Review all previous behaviors.
Advance to next most difficult behavior. Measure and evaluate.
Keep records (preferably visual).
Reinforce through reward and punishment.
Use visual reminders (pictures, charts, etc.).
Action Steps