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19 Reasons Santa Is Actually In Favour Of
Full Communism Now
A spectre is haunting Europe – the spectre of SANTA!
By Tom Phillips and Hannah Jewell
Online: http://www.buzzfeed.com/tomphillips/santa-is-the-opiate-of-the-children#.jlnjdzzZO
1. He redistributes property.
Thinkstock / BuzzFeed
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2. From each according to their ability (i.e. elves) to each
according to their needs (children).
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3. He wears red all the time.
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4. He seeks to destroy all private property, entering peoples’
homes uninvited, representing the long arm of the state.
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5. He oversees the methodical and highly-centralized mass
scale production of toys.
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6. He invests heavily in transport infrastructure (sleigh) for
the distribution of goods to the people.
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7. His project would be impossible without mass surveillance:
Lists of all naughty and nice.
Comstock Images / Getty Images
Working towards the eventual abolishment of the state itself, of course.
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8. And where does he get his coal, if not through forced
labour?
Ben Zaehringer / Via berkeleymews.com
Those elves died for the greater good.
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9. Specifically, forced labour camps in very cold and remote
places.
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11. Homes and public spaces are adorned with Santa’s image
to project his authority to the masses and reinforce his total
grip on power.
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12. He has a big beard (like Marx).
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13. He has a difficult relationship with religion.
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14. He emerged in his present form in the early part of the
20th century.
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15. He works towards a society without money. The only
currency in the People’s Republic of Christmas will be the free
exhange of toys.
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16. He runs a factory – just like Engels did.
Universal History Archive/REX
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17. However, he does not appropriate the value of the elves’
labour for his own enrichment, but rather the enrichment of
all.
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18. He has a secret tattoo of a hammer and sickle.
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19. He was once overheard drunk at a party while at
university shouting: “Let the ruling classes tremble at a
communist revolution. The proletarians have nothing to lose
but their chains. They have a world to win. Workingmen of all
countries, unite!”
Getty Images/iStockphoto MrKornFlakes
Marx would later steal the quote.
In conclusion: Santa is a full-on Communist.