dealing with difficult people
TRANSCRIPT
Seems over whelming 2
The Setting – The Place Handling difficult/problem people is
different at work than at home. At Work the goal is to get the work done. At home the dailiness of living will
sometimes diffuse the problem. The setting is everything People overreact
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Sources of Stress Environment:…Weather, Traffic, Noise, your Space Social: Time, Deadlines, Money, Family Problems,
Friends, Co-Workers Physiological: Age, Injuries, No Sleep, Poor Nutrition,
Illness Thoughts: Your Belief system or Expectations
How you interpret and label these… determines your level of Stress
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Stress Starts With You Your appraisal of the situation
1st…How dangerous or difficult is the situation
2nd…What resources do I have to cope with it
3rd… Your belief system and expectations
It’s how you’ll react or respond
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It’s all about our PARADIGM
How we perceive things Our mapping Our encoding Our filter and “Colorization”
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The Dot Test Join all 9 dots with four straight lines without taking your pen off the paper
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The “Dot Answer 8
The Dot Test - Answer Our human mind has the necessity to sort
data… Into categories in order to perceive it. Your brain instantly classifies the nine
dots… As a two dimension square. You see it as a box yet no box exists.
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Our Nature of Coping
Fight or Flight Response Biochemical changes that prepare
you to deal with threat or danger. Primitive people needed quick
burst of energy to fight or flee
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WHAT TO DO…FOUR CHOICES
Stay and do nothing Leave when the pain out-weighs
the gain Change your attitude Change your behavior not theirs.
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Difficult or A Jerk or Both I can’t talk to Him or Her She/he is a control freak, a jerk, mean He/She doesn’t Listen I’m Fine I have no voice Manipulates me Never keeps his/her word Condescending, puts me down Never pays attention Don’t trust what he/she says
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4 PRINCIPALS OF COMMUNICATION
Have direction know what you want. Pay attention to pattern communication. Be Flexible. Commit to a solution Communication is like tennis not golf
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Communication is the Key • Undivided attention – Validates them! • 60% is nonverbal • They will never see your point of view…don’t try! • Content vs. Context • Tone – Volume – Rate of Speed – Inflection. • Your communication Style – passive/aggressive. • Focus on their feelings. • Clarify your message. • Make a plan.
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4 Steps to Improve Listening
Turn Off the Inner Voice Give No Advise…At First Ask Inquiring Questions Empathy
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4 Difficult Types & How They React
The Hostile The Neurotic The Rejection Sensitive The Egotist
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THE HOSTILE
Explosive, reactive, disagreeable Mistrustful, Does not like to be wrong. Very short fuse, Wants to be seen!!, They are a bully. FEAR OF BEING WRONG
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THE NEUROTIC Demanding Worry about everything. They think they are trying to be helpful. Do not see
there is a problem. They will always say “Yes, But”. A pessimists, nay Sayers, what’s going to go wrong
next in my life. Will not listen to others. View the glass as ½ empty. FEAR OF WHAT’S GONG TO HAPPEN NEXT.
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THE REJECTION/SENSITIVE
Hair trigger reaction to any indication that you don’t like them.
Chip on their shoulder. You have to walk on eggshells
around them. Competitive environment… out
comes the bad. FEAR OF REJECTION
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THE EGOTIST
Own interests comes first, last and always. Takes everything personally. Unable to
compromise. Insists on seen as right with everyone. They are very demanding but will not
compromise….They Know it All!! The Passive/Aggressive Fear of not being seen as RIGHT!
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7 WAYS TO DIFFUSE A DIFFICULT ENCOUNTER
Minimize time with problem people/don’t argue with
them. Don’t try to reason with the unreasonable. Say as little as possible – You will be the target Accept the person as is…an idiot/narcissists etc. Avoid topics that cause trouble Don’t try to get them to see your point of view. Create a distraction
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Four Work Personality Types
1. The Get It Done Type 2. The Get It Right Type 3. The Get Appreciated Type 4. The Get Along Type
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THE GET ALONG
The Get Along – relators, supporters, enablers. Want to lend a hand, great intuition, remember
everything, loyal, dependable, candy dish on the desk, peace makers.
Slow decision makers wants all in agreement, indecisive.
Likes – Soft start up, approach easily, give space, Dislikes – Demands, stern, loud, don’t tell me how to do
it, don’t pull project away, don’t keep bringing things up.
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THE GET IT RIGHT
The Get It Right – Thinkers, focus on tasks, detail, need to correct/right.
Slow decision makers. Perfectionists. Expect it of all. Stuck in routine.
Likes – Specifics, Deadlines, Give them time and space, Ask their opinion.
Dislikes – Don’t yell, no bits and pieces, no tears, don’t be condescending.
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THE GET IT DONE The Get It Done - directors, rulers,
drivers. Goal Driven – Just Do It – Fast Decision Makers. Likes – Major points, be direct, no
emotions, ownership, responsibility, Remain calm, Give the last word. Dislikes – Emotions, rambling on,
excuses, too much talk.
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THE GET APPRECIATED The Get Appreciated – entertainers, socializers,
persuaders, expressive. Fun, friendly, based on gut, makes quick decisions, too
involved, unfocused, wing it, creative. Likes – Need to vent, empathetic listening, ack
emotion, give last work, give the time to process, diffuse them.
Dislikes –Talk too loud, no digs, don’t cut off, don’t say I understand, no solutions,
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MY FINAL THOUGHTS Set and Keep Your Boundaries. You’re in Charge Pick Your Battles Make A Decision!!!
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Stressed Brains Don’t Learn The Same
Your Brain is built to deal with stress that lasts about 30 seconds
Built for an immediate response to stress
A Saber-Toothed Tiger…it was all over
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Just Think… If you have a bad boss… Saber-toothed tiger is there for years If you are in a bad marriage Saber-toothed tiger is in your bed for Life You begin to deregulate
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People At Work • 5 Personalities at work: Worker Bee, Star, Team Player,
Average • DYC”S: Bullies, Manipulator, K/A, Cry Baby, Rumor, Not my
job, Lazy, Pretenders • Who’s driving your bus….Your Responsibility. • Set your Boundaries
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Really Now…
Most of these difficult people are spontaneous. These people never seem to go away…work, family. It’s difficult because you are emotional tied. They push your buttons. People vs. Situation
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