BROOKLYN NINE-NINE

"The Detail"

Written by

Michael Kritzer

259 Albany Ave2BBrooklyn, NY 11213(631) 525-7992

MICHAEL KRITZER, 4/25/16

BROOKLYN NINE-NINE

“The Detail”

TEASER

INT. PRECINCT - DAY

People crowd around SCULLY and HITCHCOCK, fast asleep as JAKE and GINA take pairs of scissors and cut off their ties. CAPT. HOLT stands in the doorway of his office, seemingly angry.

CAPT. HOLTPeralta. In my office.

INT. CAPTAIN’S OFFICE

JAKECaptain, I know Amy and I weren’t invited to Kevin’s book club and it was painfully clear that I didn’t read the book, but I think I may have left my mix CD of slow jams at your house.

CAPT. HOLTI don’t know about any CD.

JAKEWell, I’m gonna need that back, so if you could just look around for it...

CAPT. HOLT’S FACE, not amused.

JAKE (CONT’D)Or I could just burn another copy. It’s no big deal. So what’s up?

CAPT. HOLTYou’re being temporarily assigned to a detail tasked with bringing down a drug ring.

Holt slides an envelope across his desk to Jake.

CAPT. HOLT (CONT’D)This afternoon you will report to this address.

(MORE)

I’ll assign somebody take over all of your current cases.

Jake stands unmoving. He closes his eyes.

CAPT. HOLT (CONT’D)Peralta, is everything alright?

Jake opens his eyes.

JAKESorry Captain. I just really wanted to let this beautiful moment sink in before the excitement hits... in 3... 2... YES! Finally! I’ve been waiting for this day ever since I became a cop. It’s going to be amazing. Man, I hope we end up uncovering corruption that leads all the way up to the city government. Well, I don’t hope that. Who am I kidding? Of course I do.

CAPT. HOLTPeralta.

JAKEYes Captain?

CAPT. HOLTI forgot to mention that Hitchcock and Scully are also going to be accompanying you on this detail.

JAKEOh, come on! Hitchcock and Scully? Why can’t you send literally anybody else?

CAPT. HOLTI’m sorry, but it wasn’t my decision. They were asked for by name.

They look out the window of the office to see Scully waking up and noticing that part of his tie is missing.

SCULLYOh no! I ate my tie again!

Hitchcock wakes up.

CAPT. HOLT (CONT’D)

2.

HITCHCOCKAwwww! So did I!

JAKEWho would ask to work with Hitchcock and Scully?

They turn back around to find both of them fast asleep.

JAKE (CONT’D)Aaaaaaand they’re asleep again.

CAPT. HOLTGood luck, Peralta.

JAKEThanks, Captain.

Jake leaves the office. Capt. Holt pulls a remote out of his desk and presses play.

An R&B SONG plays in the office.

CAPT. HOLTSo smooth.

END OF TEASER

3.

ACT ONE

INT. PRECINCT - LATER

Jake packs up all of the items from his desk into a box. AMY stands behind him watching him dump useless junk into the box.

AMYDo you really need all of this stuff? I doubt you’ll be gone for that long.

JAKEWho knows, Amy? This investigation could take a while. Once we get a wiretap up and start following the money, who knows where it’s gonna lead us?

BOYLE approaches Jake from behind and gives him a hug.

BOYLEI’m going to miss you so much, bud.

JAKEAw, thanks Boyle. I promise I won’t forget you.

Amy rolls her eyes.

BOYLEHere, Jake. I got you this picture frame so you can put a picture of us on your new desk.

Boyle presents Jake with a picture frame that says “Best Friends.”

JAKEOh... thanks, bud.

BOYLEI can just keep it in my apartment if you don’t like it.

JAKEI don’t know if I’ll need pictures on my desk because they’ll probably have me out in the field bustin’ perps most of the time.

4.

AMYJake, please promise me you’re not going to become obsessed with turning this assignment into one of your crime show fantasies.

CUT TO:

INT. HIGH SCHOOL - FLASHBACK

Jake and Amy sit in a high school classroom dressed up like teenagers from the nineties. Amy has a look of disapproval on her face. They are surrounded by actual teenagers dressed in present day clothes. All the teens stare at Jake and Amy, who stick out like a sore thumb. Jake turns next to the teen next to him.

JAKEHey homie, do you know where I can get a hookup with that new drug.

TEENAre you a cop?

JAKE(nervously)

Psh. Of course not. I’m just here to do some math like everyone else.

TEENUh, this is art.

JAKEHaha, true dat, broseph.

Suddenly, Jake gets up and runs out of the room leaving behind an unhappy Amy.

BACK TO:

INT. PRECINCT

AMYI don’t want you set such high expectations only to be disappointed.

JAKEI know what this is about. You don’t want me to be away for so long.

5.

AMYI don’t, but that’s not the point.

JAKE(singing childishly)

Amy doesn’t want me to leave. Amy doesn’t want me to leave.

JAKE (CONT’D)(singing childishly)

Amy doesn’t want me to leave. Amy doesn’t want me to leave.

BOYLE(singing childishly)

Amy doesn’t want Jake to leave. Amy doesn’t want Jake to leave.

Amy turns to Boyle with fury in her eyes and he stops immediately. Jake grabs his box.

JAKEDon’t worry about me, Amy. Even if this assignment takes years, I won’t abandon you.

Jake walks towards the elevator and the door opens immediately. He stops and turns to address the precinct before he gets on.

JAKE (CONT’D)Alright. It’s time for me to head out. Goodbye Nine Nine. Who knows if I’ll return the same man I am today.

Everybody in the precinct stops what they’re doing and focus on Jake.

ALLBye, Jake!

Everybody returns back to work. Hitchcock and Scully also walk over to the elevator and stop to address the precinct.

SCULLYWe’re also gonna head out now.

HITCHCOCKYeah, we’re gonna be gone doing important police stuff too... that’s gonna make us... uh... different people.

They get no response from the precinct. Hitchcock presses the button for the elevator but the door doesn’t open.

6.

SCULLYSay something else.

HITCHCOCKAll I can think about is sandwiches.

They both turn around and the elevator doors still haven’t opened. They begin to panic.

HITCHCOCK (CONT’D)Uh... bologna, ham, turkey, salami, pastrami... on a roll with... cheddar, provolone...

The elevator door opens and they get on. The door starts to close.

HITCHCOCK (CONT’D)Extra mayo!

EXT. OFFICE BUILDING - DAY

Jake waits outside of an office building. Scully and Hitchcock approach Jake, completely out of breath.

SCULLY(to Hitchcock)

Did you lock the car?

Hitchcock pulls his keys out of his pocket and presses the lock button. Only halfway down the block, Hitchcock’s car locks.

SCULLY (CONT’D)(to Jake)

Is this the place?

Jake pulls a piece of paper out of his pocket.

JAKEThis is the right address, but this building is way too normal to be the right place. Look at it! None of the windows are boarded up! There aren’t even any stray dogs in this part of town. Ooh, maybe it’s abandoned!

CUT TO:

7.

INT. OFFICE BUILDING

Jake, Scully, and Hitchcock step off the elevator to find that the office is even nicer than the Nine-Nine. There doesn’t seem to be anybody else in the office.

JAKE(angry)

Come on!

HITCHCOCKOoh! Look at these chairs!

Hitchcock and Scully sit down at two adjacent, empty desks.

SCULLYNice!

JAKENo! Not nice!

LIEUTENANT ALFRED, a man who looks somewhat similar to Hitchcock, walks out of his office to greet them.

ALFREDPretty great, huh?

SCULLYAlfred, is that you?

ALFREDThat’s Lieutenant Alfred to you guys.

HITCHCOCKThey made you a lieutenant?

ALFREDI think it was an accident.

Alfred, Hitchcock, and Scully all laugh.

ALFRED (CONT’D)No, seriously. I’m not at all qualified for this position.

Alfred notices Jake.

ALFRED (CONT’D)Oh, you must be Peralta. Lt. Jack Alfred. I’m in charge around here.

8.

JAKEHow do you know Hitchcock and Scully?

ALFREDWe’ve been assigned to these kinds of cases tons of times before.

JAKEWhere is everyone?

Alfred looks at his watch.

ALFREDThey should be getting back from lunch any minute now.

JAKEIt’s four o’clock.

ALFREDYou gotta have a second lunch to fuel up before dinner.

SCULLYYou can say that again.

ALFREDYou gotta have a second dinn- Wait that’s not it. You need to eat...

He is interrupted by the rest of the officers, four pairs of SCULLY AND HITCHCOCK DOPPELGANGERS, entering the office.

ALFRED (CONT’D)Peralta, let me introduce you to everybody.

JAKEIt’s okay lieutenant, I think I got it.

Jake points to all of the men and women that look like Scully.

JAKE (CONT’D)You’re Scully 2, 3, 4, and 5.

He points to all of the men and women that look like Hitchcock.

JAKE (CONT’D)And you guys are Hitchcock 2, 3, 4, and 5.

9.

SCULLY 3My name’s actually Eugene.

JAKEWhat’d you say, Scully 3?

SCULLY 3Nothing.

HITCHCOCK 5Wait, who am I again?

HITCHCOCK 2You’re Hitchcock 5.

SCULLY 5I thought I was Hitchcock 5.

SCULLY 4No, you’re Scully 5.

HITCHCOCKWhat numbers are we?

JAKENumber one.

SCULLYAwesome.

Scully and Hitchcock high five.

JAKEWell, let’s get to work.

ALFREDYeaaahhhh. About that... We don’t really get a lot of work around here. They don’t really monitor us so it’s pretty much a free-for-all, laid back type deal... But if you wanna do some work, that’s cool too!

JAKEWell, what do you guys have so far?

ALFREDAny lead that we have goes on the board.

They turn to a completely empty, large cork board in the corner of the office.

10.

ALFRED (CONT’D)Oh, wait.

Hitchcock 3 goes over to the board and picks up an index card from the ground beside it and puts it up with a thumb tack. The card reads “El Grano Antiguo.”

ALFRED (CONT’D)There ya go.

JAKEThis is it?

ALFREDI know it’s not much, but-

JAKEWhere’s all the pictures and names and lines and arrows? How are we supposed to follow the money without arrows?

ALFREDCut us some slack. We’ve only been at it for a month.

JAKEA month!?

Jake shouts up at the sky.

JAKE (CONT’D)Why do you hate me!?

INT. PRECINCT

Amy sits at her desk organizing files and binders. Boyle approaches her.

BOYLEHey Amy, I just noticed how great you were at organization and color-coding.

AMYOh, thanks Charles.

BOYLEAlso, might I add that you are really rocking that blazer-blouse combo today.

11.

AMYUh... thanks?

BOYLENo problem!

Amy starts to go back to work, but Boyle remains behind her in uncomfortable silence.

AMYDo you need my help with something?

BOYLE(defensive)

What? Two good pals and co-workers can’t just chill out together during the workday?

AMYI mean, I just have a lot of work to do...

BOYLEI love that about you. You’re so hardworking and focused.

Amy doesn’t know how to respond. There’s an awkward pause.

BOYLE (CONT’D)I’m just gonna go back to my desk.

AMYSounds good.

INT. OFFICE BUILDING

Jake sits at his desk on the phone with Amy.

JAKEI swear I’ve had nightmares about this exact situation.

INT. NINE-NINE BREAK ROOM

Amy, alone in the break room talks to Jake on the phone.

AMYIt can’t be that bad.

12.

INTERCUT - PHONE CONVERSATION

JAKEWe get a four hour break. Two of the hours are just for napping.

AMYDon’t tell me anymore. The inefficiency is giving me anxiety.

JAKEThat’s not even the worst part. Everywhere I look I see Scully and Hitchcock. It’s stressing me out. I’m gonna snap.

Scully 2 stands up at his desk.

SCULLY 2Has anybody seen my bottle of ketchup?

JAKEI can’t do it. I can’t do it.

SCULLY 2Never mind. I found it.

AMYDeep breaths, Jake. Deep breaths.

Jake breathes heavily in and out of his mouth.

AMY (CONT’D)Better?

JAKEA little bit. So what’s going on at the Nine-Nine?

AMYWell, Charles has been pretty weird today. He keeps complimenting me and I can’t focus on getting any work done. Before I called you, he told me that I have a healthy scalp.

JAKEOoh, that’s another thing. They haven’t done any work at all on the case.

13.

AMYI thought we were talking about my problem now.

JAKEWe’ll get back to your problem in a little bit. Right now I need to focus on how to get everyone to help with this case.

AMYIt’s scary how easily you transition the conversation back to yourself.

JAKEYou’re right, Amy. I don’t need their help. I can crack this case by myself.

AMYThat’s not what I said.

JAKEThanks, Amy. You’re the best.

(hurried)I gotta hurry up and get to work. I’ll talk to you later. Love ya. Bye.

Jake hangs up the phone.

END OF ACT ONE

14.

ACT TWO

INT. ALFRED’S OFFICE - LATER THAT DAY

Lt. Alfred sits at his desk watching cat videos and laughing while eating a burrito. Jake walks in.

ALFRED(with a mouth full of food)

What’s up?

JAKEI got some information about “El Grano Antiguo”

ALFREDOh, cool.

They stand in awkward silence for a moment.

JAKEYou don’t want to know?

ALFREDOh, yeah. Lay it on me.

JAKEWell, “El Grano Antiguo” is a quinoa place in Bushwick that’s selling drugs to the customers.

ALFREDKeen-wah?

JAKEYeah, it’s like bad rice that young people like. Don’t worry about it. Anyway, after some investigative googling, I found out how to get the drugs.

ALFREDGood job.

There’s more awkward silence.

JAKEI could go undercover to get some evidence if you wanted.

ALFREDNah, I think we’re good.

15.

JAKEAre you sure? We can bust these guys.

ALFREDIt just feels like a lot of work.

JAKECan I at least stake out the restaurant?

Alfred’s focus is completely on the cat videos.

ALFREDUh, yeah. Whatever. Hey, Peralta, have you seen this video of Mr. Wiggles eating a devilled egg. It’s hilarious.

Alfred turns his computer screen to Jake revealing a video of a cat eating a deviled egg. Jake laughs hysterically.

JAKEMr. Wiggles keeps eating it even though he doesn’t like the taste! Just stop eating it! Cats are so silly.

Jake stops himself.

JAKE (CONT’D)No. I need to focus on this case. Stop distracting me with cats. Even if they do bring laughter and joy to the world. NO. Cats are bad. Goodbye.

Jake storms out of the office.

INT. PRECINCT - THE NEXT DAY

Boyle approaches Amy’s desk.

BOYLEHey, I was just at the office supply store this morning and I saw that they had your favorite pens, so I got you a pack.

AMYCharles, you know that I already have a drawer full of Pilot G-2’s. What’s going on?

16.

BOYLE(suspiciously)

What do you mean, Amy? I’m just giving a gift to my good friend.

AMYYou’ve been following me and complimenting me all day.

BOYLEOkay. I’m sorry. I just really need you to do me a favor.

AMYWhat kind of favor?

BOYLEI need you to have dinner with my girlfriend tonight.

AMYWhy do you need me to have dinner with her?

BOYLEWell, we don’t really have any couples friends and she already knows Jake really well because of the whole “exonerating her from insurance fraud” thing and she wants to get to know you better and I kind of already told her you said yes.

AMYI mean, I have a lot of things I need to-

BOYLEPretty please with shaved black truffle on top! I really need this.

AMYI guess if you really need me to-

BOYLEThank you so much! I think you two are going to get along great! 6 pm at Le Bistro Couteux.

Boyle prances away.

17.

EXT. ROOFTOP

Jake, Scully, and Hitchcock stand on the roof of the building across from El Grano Antiguo. Hitchcock is holding a bowl of quinoa. Jake takes pictures with a camera with an extremely long lens.

SCULLYI thought you said we were getting food.

JAKEWe already got food.

HITCHCOCKThis isn’t food. It’s sand with colors in it.

JAKEThose “colors” are vegetables.

HITCHCOCKEw, vegetables.

Disgusted, Hitchcock tosses the bowl of quinoa.

JAKEGuys, shut up. I think I see him.

Through the lens Jake spots a skinny, young Hipster, EL JEFE, in an “El Grano Antiguo” tee shirt. He greets some friends on the sidewalk. Jake starts taking pictures.

JAKE (CONT’D)There he is... “El Jefe.” Sure. Laugh it up with your buddies now. But soon, Jake’s comin’ for ya.

INT. BREAK ROOM

TERRY and ROSA are sitting at the table when Gina walks in.

GINACaptain wants to know how you were coming along with the paperwork on the Evans case.

ROSAWe’re just taking a break.

TERRYYeah, we’re refreshing our minds.

18.

GINAIt seems like you’re just procrastinating.

ROSANo we’re not.

TERRYYou’re one to talk. What work have you done today?

GINAIt’s different for me because Captain Holt doesn’t expect me to do what he tells me to.

TERRYThat’s not a good thing.

ROSAYeah, we could go back to work right now if we wanted.

TERRYExactly. There’s nothing stopping us.

GINAOkay. Then do it.

TERRYWell, we’re not just gonna do it because you told us to.

ROSAYeah. I’m gonna chill here for another fifteen minutes, then go back to work.

TERRYI’m actually getting kind of hungry.

ROSAYeah me too.

TERRYHow about we hang out, then get food, then go back to work.

ROSASounds good.

19.

Gina looks at them disapprovingly. Rosa and Terry look at each other, realizing that they are procrastinating.

EXT. ROOFTOP - EVENING

Jake sits alone on the rooftop, looking through the camera, talking on the phone, and eating a bowl of quinoa.

JAKEI mean, I understand why they have to sell drugs with the quinoa. This might be the least fun food in existence.

INT. PRECINCT

Amy talks to Jake on the phone.

AMYProtein and fiber are fun.

INTERCUT - PHONE CONVERSATION

JAKEProtein and fiber don’t taste like pizza.

AMYOh, speaking of food, I’m going to dinner with Charles’ girlfriend tonight.

JAKEReally?

AMYYeah, but only as a favor for Charles.

JAKECome on. Maybe you’ll become friends!

AMYOr it’ll be a disaster.

Jake watches as an unmarked white van pulls up to the restaurant and El Jefe walks out of the restaurant.

AMY (CONT’D)Jake?

20.

A hipster steps out of the van.

AMY (CONT’D)JAKE!

JAKE(quickly)

Big things are going on, Amy. I gotta go. I love you. Bye.

Jake hangs up the phone. He takes pictures as the hipster opens up the back of the van and tosses a brick of cocaine to El Jefe.

JAKE (CONT’D)I’ve got you now, you disgusting fiber man.

END OF ACT TWO

21.

ACT THREE

INT. ALFRED’S OFFICE - LATER

Jake storms into Lt. Alfred’s office to find him asleep at his desk.

JAKEWake up, lieutenant. I got big news.

Lt. Alfred wakes up.

ALFREDWhat do you want?

JAKEEl Grano Antiguo just got a huge delivery of coke. We need to go in for a bust tonight.

ALFREDWoah, woah, woah. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

JAKEWhat do you mean? We can end this whole investigation tonight. I have photographic evidence.

ALFREDDon’t you think we’re moving a little bit too fast.

JAKEWe need to move fast before they move the drugs out!

ALFREDListen. We can be on this detail for up to three more months. I like it here. The men and women out there like it here. Let’s just hold off for a while before we make a move.

JAKESo we’re just gonna let this guy endanger a community with drugs?

ALFREDI’ll answer your question, but first...

22.

Alfred turns his computer screen around to show a video of a dog wearing sunglasses, bopping its head to hip-hop.

ALFRED (CONT’D)Look at this cool pup.

JAKEAhhh! He’s groovin’ to the beat! And look at those sunglasses! He doesn’t need those! Wait! No. I’m not letting this happen again. Why am I so susceptible to these videos? You, sir, are evil.

Jake storms out of the office.

INT. LE BISTRO COUTEUX

Amy sits across the table from GENEVIEVE in an extremely fancy restaurant. Amy seems uncomfortable.

GENEVIEVESo, Charles and I actually developed a series of games around my fertility calendar because often times the stresses of trying to conceive puts a lot of pressure on couples and can lead to relationship issues.

AMYOh..?

GENEVIEVEYeah. Especially with the problems with Charles’ testicles. We just want to keep things fresh and fun between us.

AMYWell, that’s good for you guys.

GENEVIEVEWe have this one game where if he can guess what day is best to try to conceive, I make him a fertility related meal. Last week we had milt.

AMYMilt?

23.

GENEVIEVECod sperm. It’s a delicacy in Japan.

AMYOh. Well that’s really cool for you guys.

GENEVIEVEYou know what? I should make you a list of the games for you and Jake!

AMYOh, we really haven’t thought about kids yet...

GENEVIEVEWell, it’s never too early to start! Where are you in your cycle right now? I’m not gonna give up until there are babies in both of us!

AMYOh gosh. I can’t believe it. I just realized that... um... I left the oven on in my apartment. I need to go turn it off. I have to go. Let’s do this again sometime!

Amy speed walks out of the restaurant.

INT. PRECINCT

Rosa and Terry sit at their desks as Gina watches over them.

GINAYou guys aren’t allowed to leave until you get your work done.

TERRYWe’ll do our work. At least let me get a snack from the vending machine.

GINANo snacks. Both of you give me your phones.

ROSAWhy?

24.

GINATo make sure you guys actually do your work.

ROSAI’m not distracted by technology.

Terry and Rosa hand Gina their phones.

GINAIt’s not to keep you from being distracted. It’s to punish you if you slack off.

TERRYAnd how exactly do you expect to do that?

GINAOne wrong move and this video of what looks like Terry rounding second base with a couple of 5 for $4 value meals ends up on the internet. I’m talking Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest.

Gina shows a video on her phone of Terry embarrassingly piling food into his mouth, covered in ketchup and food crumbs.

TERRYOh no.

ROSAHow is that supposed to embarrass me?

GINAOh, don’t worry. For you, I was planning on sending all of your contacts a heartfelt text telling them how much you love and care for them?

ROSAYou’re diabolical.

GINAIt’s in my blood. If you didn’t want results you shouldn’t have asked the master of blackmail for help.

Rosa and Terry start typing voraciously on their computers.

25.

INT. OFFICE BUILDING

The Scully and Hitchcock doppelgangers and Alfred start getting up and making their way out of the office for the night. Jake stands up on his desk.

JAKENobody leave!

SCULLY 2But our shifts are over.

JAKENot yet! We have a drug kingpin to bust!

HITCHCOCK 4Can’t we just do it tomorrow? We’re all starving.

HITCHCOCK 3Yeah, I’m just gonna go.

Jake hops off the desk and runs into the office break room. All of the doppelgangers continue to make their way to the elevator. Jake comes back holding a microwave over his head.

JAKEWait! If you leave, the microwave gets it!

The doppelgangers gasp in unity.

SCULLYNot the microwave!

JAKEYes, Scully. The microwave. And don’t get me started on what I’ll do to the vending machine.

ALFREDEverybody calm down. He’s bluffing.

JAKEOh am I?

Jake holds the microwave out as if he is about to drop it.

HITCHCOCK 2Please don’t!

26.

JAKEThere’s only one way to save the microwave. We’re gonna bust these quinoa criminals tonight.

ALFREDJust let him do whatever he wants and we’ll get a new microwave within a week.

SCULLY 4I don’t think I can go a week without the microwave.

There’s chatter amongst the doppelgangers. They begin to go back to their seats.

ALFREDDon’t take any commands from this terrorist!

JAKESorry, Lieutenant, but there’s work to be done and the faster you can get a warrant, the faster we can all go home.

ALFREDFine, you win. Just put down the microwave.

Jake accidentally drops the microwave.

JAKEOops.

INT. EL GRANO ANTIGUO - LATER

El Jefe talks to a group of hipsters. Suddenly, Jake and the group of doppelgangers bust through the back door.

JAKENYPD!

El Jefe and his men all turn around and put their hands behind their backs. The doppelgangers start handcuffing the men. Jake starts to handcuffs El Jefe.

JAKE (CONT’D)That’s it? You’re not gonna run or fight back or anything?

27.

EL JEFEIf I’m gonna get busted, I at least wanna go without a fight like Avon Barksdale from The Wire.

JAKESee? This guy has the right idea!

INT. PRECINCT - THE NEXT DAY

The elevator doors open and Jake steps out, followed by Scully and Hitchcock.

JAKEI’m back!

Everybody claps for Jake. Holt approaches him.

HOLTWelcome back, Peralta. Great work.

SCULLYIn case you didn’t notice, we’re also back.

The clapping stops abruptly.

HOLTScully. Hitchcock. Stop goofing off and do your work.

Scully and Hitchcock walk over to their desks in defeat.

Meanwhile, Terry and Rosa continue to intensely stare at their computer screens and type. Gina approaches them.

GINAWoah, are you guys good?

Terry looks up at her with bloodshot eyes.

TERRYI’m on a roll. I’ve gotten two weeks of work done in one night.

ROSAHA. I finished three weeks of work.

GINAEw.

TERRYCan we have our phones back?

28.

GINAOh yeah. Sure.

Gina returns the phones. Terry and Rosa check their notifications.

TERRYGina, why do I have 187 likes on Twitter?

ROSAAnd why do I have ten missed calls from my mother?

GINAOh yeah. I got bored just watching you guys type, so I just went home and blackmailed you anyway. Anyway, you should both be happy. Connecting with family members is healthy, Rosa. And #SloppyTerry is trending in the Philippines. You’re famous!

Meanwhile, Jake stands by his desk talking to Amy. Boyle approaches them.

BOYLEIt’s good to have you back, bud!

JAKEThanks, Boyle.

AMYOh, Charles. I’m so sorry I had to leave dinner with Genevieve so quickly. I just had a... thing... that I needed to take care of.

BOYLEOh, don’t worry about it. Genevieve told me she had a great time. Maybe next time we do a double date!

AMYYeah, for sure. I gotta go. I’ll see you later.

Amy walks back to her desk.

BOYLEI lied. Genevieve did not tell me she had a great time.

(MORE)

29.

She doesn’t like Amy. She thinks she’s too uptight.

JAKEAmy? Uptight?

BOYLEI know. But it’s okay. We can still do that double date.

JAKESounds great, bud.

BOYLESo anyway, how was the detail? Was it everything you’ve ever dreamed of?

JAKEI’m just glad to be back at the Nine-Nine, where everyone is focused on doing police work.

Gina stands by the window looking outside.

GINAEverybody! Come look! There’s a puppy parade outside!

Everybody in the precinct flocks to the window to look at the puppies. Jake stays in his seat for a second, realizes his point has been invalidated, and then rushes over to the window to see.

END OF ACT THREE

BOYLE (CONT'D)

30.

TAG

INT. PRECINCT

Jake is sitting at his desk completely enthralled in his computer screen. Amy comes up from behind him.

AMYJake, what are you doing? We have a briefing in five minutes.

Jake doesn’t respond.

AMY (CONT’D)Jake?

Amy turns the computer screen to reveal the video of Terry eating fast food.

JAKELook at how sloppy Terry is getting! He doesn’t need all that fast food! He eats things like carrots and greek yogurt! It’s funny because this kind of behavior is completely out of his character! Ahhhhh. Memes are the best.

END OF EPISODE

31.