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Samples of Students' Writing from the Social Studies30 Diploma Examination January 1995.Alberta Dept. of Education, Edmonton. StudentEvaluation Branch.ISBN-0-7732-1809-29565p.Minister of Education, Student Evaluation Branch,11160 Jasper Avenue, Edmonton, Alberta T5K OL2,Canada.Guides Non-Classroom Use (055)

MF01/PC03 Plus Postage.*Achievement Tests; Educational Assessment;Evaluation Methods; Foreign Countries; PortfolioAssessment; Qualitative Research; SecondaryEducation; *Social Studies; *Student Evaluation;*Writing Evaluation; *Writing Tests

IDENTIFIERS *Alberta

ABSTRACTThis booklet illustrates and compares three important

standards (levels of expectation) set for diploma examination writingin Social Studies 30: excellent, proficient, and satisfactory. Samplepapers are used to illustrate the scoring criteria for group leadersand markers are presented, along with accompanying commentaries, orrationales, that tie these papers to the scoring criteria. The sixexample papers are arranged by topic in groups of three, toillustrate the three levels. Two additional papers that exceeded thecriteria established for excellence are included as a celebration ofstudent achievement and as an acknowledgment of the high standardsbeing attained. by some of Alberta's Social Studies 30 students.Cautions are presented in using this booklet for teaching purposesfor evaluation. (EH)

************************************************************************ Reproductions supplied by EDRS are the best that can be made IC

* from the original document. *..

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Samples ofStudents' Writing

from theSocial Studies 30 Diploma Examination

January 1995

IVStudentsFirst!

Student Evaluation[BEST COPY AVAOLABLE\

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HAS BEEN GRANTED BY

TO THE EDUCATIONAL RESOURCESINFORMATION CENTER (ERIC)

U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATIONOffice of Educational Research and Improvement

EDUCATIONAL RESOURCES INFORMATIONCENTER (ERIC)

lk This document has been reproduced asreceived from the person or organizationOriginating it.

C Minor changes have been made to improvereproduction quality.

Points of view or opinions stated in this docu-ment do not necessarily represent officialOERI position or policy.

AlbertaEDUCATION

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Alberta Education Cataloguing in Publication Data

Alberta. Alberta Education. Student Evaluation.Samples of students' writing from the Social Studies 30 diplomaexamination January 1995

ISBN #0-7732-1809-2

1. Social sciences Alberta Examinations2. Educational tests and measurements.I. Title

H62.3.A333 1995 300.7

This document was written primarily for:StudentsTeachersAdministratorsParentsGeneral PublicOthers (Specify)

Distribution: Superintendents of Schools School Principals and Teachers TheAlberta Teachers' Association Alberta School Boards Association Alberta Education

Copyright 1995, the Crown in Right of Alberta, as represented by the Minister of Education, StudentEvaluation Branch, 11160 Jasper Avenue, Edmonton, Alberta T5K OL2. All rights reserved. Additionalcopies may be purchased from the Learning Resources Distributing Centre (403-427-2767).

Table of Contents

Acknowledgements ii

Introduction 1

Purpose 1

Content 1

Selection of Papers and Standards Confirmation 1

Examination Structure 2

The Marking Process 2

Cautions 3

Comments on Standards 4

Example Papers 5

Topic A:

"5 Excellent" Example Paper 5

"4 Proficient" Example Paper 10

3 Satisfactory" Example Paper 17

Topic B:

"5 Excellent" Example Paper 22

"4 Proficient" Example Paper 31

"3 Satisfactory" Example Paper 35

Examples Of Superior Papers 40

APPENDICES

A January 1995 Writing Assignments

B Social Studies 30 Scoring Criteria for 1995

Acknowledgements

Publication of this document would not have been possible without the kind permission of thestudents whose writing is presented. The cooperation of these students has allowed us tocontinue the process of defining standards of writing performance expected in connection withdiploma examinations, and of observing the patterns of approach taken by students in theirwriting.

This document includes the valuable contributions of many educators. Sincere thanks andappreciation are extended to the following:

Standards ConfirmersPatrick GlennMilli RowseDennis TheobaldBill Maertens-PoolePeter WalkerEvelyn Mondea

Greater St. Albert Catholic Regional #29Rocky View School Division #31Battle River Regional Division #31Battle River Regional Division #31Calgary School District #19Edmonton School District #7

Student Evaluation Branch StaffElana ScrabaBarry JonasTim CoatesLynne BurnsShona GardnerMar leen HenleyRebecca KallalJames Mah

Assistant Director, HumanitiesExamination Manager, Social Studies 30Examination Manager, Social Studies 33Examiner, Social Studies 30Word Processing Operator, HumanitiesCopyright Clerk, Student Evaluation BranchEditor, Student Evaluation BranchArtist, Student Evaluation Branch

Additional special thanks are extended to Dennis Theobald, who prepared an initial draft of thisdocument.

5

ii

Introduction

Purpose

The primary purpose of this booklet is to illustrate and compare three important standards (levelsof expectation) that have been set for diploma examination writing in Social Studies 30:

5 Excellent

4 Proficient

3 Satisfactory

Sample papers that were used to illustrate the scoring criteria for group leaders and markers aspart of the marker training procedures used in January 1995 are presented here, along withaccompanying commentaries, or rationales, that tie these papers to the scoring criteria.

Teachers may wish to use this document to assist in calibrating their own marking standards, toidentify some successful approaches used by students in writing the essay assignment, and toacquaint themselves with the processes used in the evaluation of diploma examination essays.

Content

The six example papers are arranged by topic in groups of three. The first paper in each group isthe one that was used as the example paper for "5 Excellent," and the final paper in each group isthe one that was used as the example paper for "3 Satisfactory," during group-leader and markertraining. Each paper is accompanied by specific commentaries that discuss the paper in terms ofthe scoring criteria used in marking. Many suggestions for these rationales were provided by theteachers who served as standards confirmers before the marking sessions in January 1995.

Finally, two papers that exceeded the criteria established for excellence are included as acelebration of student achievement and as an acknowledgment of the high standards beingattained by some of Alberta's Social Studies 30 students.

Selection of Papers and Standards Confirmation

The papers presented were selected during standards confirmation sessions in January 1995 byteachers who selected example papers to illustrate the standards for marking, before the markingsessions. Each of these example papers was chosen to illustrate the level of expectation, orstandard, described as "5 Excellent," "4 Proficient," or "3 Satisfactory" in the scoring criteriaafter intensive discussion. In addition to the papers presented here, the standard confirmers alsoidentified papers that typified the "2 Limited" and "1 Poor" standards.

The example papers were presented to group leaders, teachers specially selected to chair smallgroups of markers during the marking session. These group leaders also confirmed that theexample papers illustrated the standards described at the various levels. The example paperswere then used for training markers at the January 1995 Social Studies 30 marking session.

1 6

Examination Structure

The Social Studies 30 Diploma Examination consists of two parts:

70 multiple-choice questions worth 70% of the examination mark; and

an essay question worth 30% of the examination mark.

Other elements of the examination structure are described below.

Students are allowed a maximum of three hours to complete both sections of the examination.

Students write on one of two essay questions presented on the examination. In keeping withprevious practice, one question is drawn from Topic A of the Social Studies 30 Curriculum,"Political and Economic Systems"; the second from Topic B, "Global Interaction in theTwentieth Century." The writing assignment, as it appeared on the examination, is found inAppendix A. During the writing process, students are not permitted to use reference materials,thesauri, or dictionaries. As part of a trial project to evaluate the use of technology in theDiploma Examination writing process, in January, some students were permitted to use wordprocessors to complete their essays.

The Marking Process

During the marking of the Social Studies Diploma Examinations, papers are scored in fourseparate categories, according to criteria that describe five levels of performance. A completelisting of the scoring categories, their weighting, and the associated criteria, appears inAppendix B.

Examination marking is done by teachers selected on the basis of recommendations made bytheir superintendents. Teachers are required to have taught the course during the school year inwhich the examination is administered, and to have taught the course for at least two years.

Neither the students' names nor the names of their schools appear on any examination papers.The first hours of the marking session are spent in an intensive training session that includes areview of the scoring criteria as it relates to the example papers. When marking begins, markersare advised not to mark a paper if they suspect that they recognize its source. They are instructedto avoid marking any papers whose content or style calls forth any personal biases. They are alsoinstructed to disregard the quality of the handwriting in evaluating the papers, and to return apaper unmarked if they think the handwriting could influence their judgement.

Teachers do not put any marks on the examination booklets during the marking process. Theyrecord scores on separate score sheets. All papers receive two independent readings and themean score is awarded in each of the four scoring dimensions. If the sum of the means results ina part mark, the total is rounded up to the next whole number. If the awarded scores vary to theextent that a student's final grade would be significantly affected, provision is made for a thirdreading.

Reliability reviews are conducted immediately after marker training and at several times duringthe marking sessions. These reviews allow markers to calibrate their marking relative to eachother and to the previously established standards.

2

CAUTIONS

The following cautions regarding this booklet should be kept in mind, especially if its contentsare to be used for instructional purposes:

1. The papers presented exemplify specific standards but may not be typical of the paperssubmitted. In an effort to illustrate the various standards, the standard confirmers endeavorto select papers that consistently represent the same standard in all four scoring descriptors.Many examination essays achieve different standards in the various categories, and thuswould be awarded a range of marks across the scoring categories.

2. The selected papers represent only a small example of the possible approaches to eachassignment or topic. Even though four or five papers are presented to illustrate responses toa particular writing assignment, it must be remembered that these are merely four or fivepapers selected from thousands written on that assignment. Therefore, any conclusionsformed about common patterns of approach taken by students must be viewed asspeculative only.

3. Neither the papers presented here nor the scoring guides in Appendix B are meant tolimit students to a single organizational, evidential, or rhetorical approach incompleting the diploma examination assignment. Students are free to select evidence andorganize their essays in the manner that they feel will best support their positions. Thewriting in this booklet illustrates just a few of the many organizational and rhetoricalstrategies used successfully by students in January 1995.

4. The example papers presented in this document must not be used verbatim as modelsfor instructional purposes. Because these papers are example illustrations only, andbecause they are example responses to a set topic, students should be cautioned not tomemorize the content of any of these assignments to use when completing classroomassignments or when writing future diploma examinations. It is the approaches taken bystudents achieving at the "5 Excellent" level of performance that future students shouldconsider emulating, not their words or ideas.

5. Readers should consider each student's accomplishments in light of the constraints ofthe examination situation. Under examination conditions, students are able to preparewriting that we must consider as first draft only. Given more time, and access to appropriateresources, we would expect students to produce papers of considerably improved quality.

3

Comments on StandardsIn general, student responses to the January 1995 topics reflected a sound understanding of theassigned topics and a considered and skillful approach to the writing task. Judging from thesense of personal ownership commonly expressed in their essays, it seems that many studentschose to write on a particular topic because it struck an emotional or intellectual chord withthem. This may explain why a significant majority of students were attracted to the Topic Bquestion: the prospect of imminent thermonuclear destruction is somewhat more morallycompelling than the difficulties of economic restructuring.

Students achieving the "3 Satisfactory" rating were able to express an adequate understanding ofthe complexity and significance of an issue. These writers often recognized the principlesunderlying different viewpoints associated with an issue, and usually established a historical orcontemporary frame of reference around an issue's importance.

Students achieving the acceptable standard supported their positions with several adequatearguments. Although these arguments lacked in elaboration and depth of understanding, theywere connected to the issue under discussion and to the position taken. Supportive evidenceused by these writers to bolster an argument was generally relevant but not error-free, and moreoften general rather than specific in presentation. Such writers, despite making minor errors,demonstrated control of conventions.

Students achieving the standard of excellence perceptively investigated the complexity andsignificance of the issue, often throughout the fabric of their response. Such students werecomfortable in revealing to the reader what they genuinely thought, rather than attempting towrite what they felt the reader wanted to hear.

Students achieving the "4 Proficient" and "5 Excellent" rating composed powerful and forcefularguments that were firmly rooted in the application of germane, well-chosen evidenceevidence that in many instances supported a qualified position. Students at this level wrotecarefully organized essays, essentially free from errors in mechanics and grammar.

Overall, it was apparent that the demands of the January 1995 assignments were within thecomprehension of most students. It was also apparent that many students enjoyed the challengeof composing their responses.

9

4

EXAMPLE PAPERSTOPIC A: POLITICAL AND ECONOMIC SYSTEMS "5 EXCELLENT"

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Exploration of the Issue

The student's insight intothe issue is immediatelyapparent in the innovativeanalogy that opens theintroductory paragraph, andremains evident throughoutthe paper. Discussion ofthe issue takes place withinthe context of the emergingglobal trends that areforcing countries to reassesstheir traditional economicpractices and pursuerestructuring. The studentrecognizes the importanceof international economicinterdependence, anddescribes how Canada'snational debt and possiblelack of competitivenessmay be detrimental to thecountry's economic successin a world dominated byvarious free trade blocs.This perceptiveappreciation of the need foreconomic restructuring issupported by explicitreference to a controversialWall Street Journaleditorial that was publisheda few weeks before to thedate of the examination(and reprinted in the Globeand Mail).

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Throughout the course of argumentation, the student forcefully presents the case for restructuring, butalso acknowledges the limitations and problems associated with a doctrinaire application of theprinciples of free enterprise. In offering such qualifications, the student displays the mature, thorough,and internalized understanding of the assigned issue that is characteristic of "5 Excellent" papers.

Defence of Position

Adopting the position that "Free enterprise provides competition the driving factor behindincreased efficiency and improvement," the student argues that "Free enterprise should be used as abasis for restructuring the economy. . . ."

The arguments supporting this position are woven together with supporting evidence and are wellconsidered, convincing, and logical. The first argument presented draws an analogy betweencompetition in a school system and competition in the economy as a whole. This competition is

5

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essential in both cases,according to the student,because it provides thenecessary incentive forincreased individual effortand accomplishment. Theessay proceeds to prescribea series of reforms that areintended to increaseeconomic competitivenessin accordance with theprinciples of free enterprise:"Government shouldencourage businesses to riseto new levels ofproductivity throughincentives such as taxbreaks. At the same time,governments must reducetheir budgets [and]objectively re-evaluatepublic corporations." Thestudent supports thisposition by referring to thework of theorists such asSmith and Friedman, and byreviewing the policies ofMargaret Thatcher andRalph Klein.

Intellectual maturity andconfidence is apparent inthe student's anticipation ofvalid objections to theposition taken andwillingness to acknowledgethat "[c]ompletegovernment withdrawal is

not completely desirable." The student suggests that reducing its overall involvement in the economy,the government must continue to enforce regulations preventing the formation of monopolies andenvironmental abuse. In discussing the social welfare system, the student argues that "The withdrawalof government does not necessarily translate into the dismantling of a caring society."

Throughout the essay, a strong relationship is maintained between position, arguments, and evidence.The essay's contents are ordered and convincingly reinforce the writer's arguments.

Quality of Examples

The strength of this paper lies in its deliberate choice of a range of specific examples and in the skillfulintegration of those examples with the argumentation.

The theoretical foundation of free enterprise is discussed with reference to Adam Smith and the

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concept of the "invisiblehand." The student supportsthe contention thatrestructuring is necessary byciting international concernsfor Canada's economic healthas revealed in the Wall StreetJournal editorial reprinted inthe Globe and Mail.Supporting the centralargument of the paper is adiscussion of MargaretThatcher's policies in GreatBritain and Ralph Klein'seconomic initiatives inAlberta. The link betweenMilton Friedman's economictheories and Thatcher'spolicy of privatization isrecognized, although thedescription of the policy itselfis somewhat generalized.The examination of the Kleingovernment's policiesincludes reference to theprivatization of Gainers andof liquor stores. While theexamples could have beenstrengthened by the additionof more detail, the writer'sfocused use of examplesdemonstrates a sophisticatedknowledge of social studiescontent.

Quality of Language andExpression

The language used in thisessay is both fluent and

skillful. Throughout the paper, the student makes effective use of a variety of complex writingstructures and devices. The opening sentences, for example, draw a metaphorical comparison betweenthe classroom and the free market. The importance of this competition in both is highlighted by use ofa rhetorical question: "In Canada's public school system, students compete with one another to obtaincoveted positions in academic programs. Without competition, would these students be as determinedto succeed?"

The student's accompbshed use of complex sentence constructions continues throughout the paper.These allow the writer to express complex ideas clearly and economically: "The withdrawal ofgovernment does not necessarily translate into the dismantling of a caring society. Before welfare, thepublic guided by the need apparent in the streets provided for those less skilled, or more disadvantagedthan themselves."

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Clarity of communication isfurther enhanced by theappropriate use of socialstudies terms and control ofthe conventions of writing.

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Exploration of the Issue

The student discusses theissue of economicrestructuring within acontemporary context,arguing that recent politicaltransformation has entailedeconomic change: "Manynations in the world areundergoing politicalchanges, and as a result,there has been a change inthe direction of economies."

This context is maintainedthroughout the paper and isreinforced by the student'sselection of economicreform in China and theformer Soviet Union as keyexamples of restructuring.In taking this approach, thestudent displays a soundunderstanding of theassigned topic and itssignificance today.

Evidence of the student'sunderstanding of thecomplexity of the issue can befound in the treatment of theviewpoints of opponents to freeenterprise, which precedes thepresentation of examples. Inthis theoretical introduction, theunderlying values, and theadvantages and disadvantagesof free enterprise are briefly

outlined. The points raised in this portion of the essay are amplified in the remainder of the paper.

Defence of Position

The position taken by the writer is clearly established and maintained throughout the essay:"Governments should adopt policies of free enterprise when restructuring their economies becauseit results in the best effect for the nation." This position is supported by three interrelatedarguments that, in turn, draw upon appropriate supporting evidence. The first argument, that theadoption of free enterprise results in "a decrease in unemployment levels, and often better wages forthe citizens which results in a better quality of life" is validated by reference to the experience ofChina under the leadership of Deng Xiaoping.

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The second, that "incountries where freeenterprise is not practiced,goods are often produced ofpoor quality," is linked tothe example of Stalin'sSoviet Union. The thirdargument, that "competitionis a policy of capitalismwhich results in incentivesfor the workers to producegood quality products," isillustrated by reference toGorbachev's policy ofperestroika.

The clarity of theargumentation is enhancedby the student's skillfulordering of the content ofthe paper. Each point isclearly introduced, defined,and developed.

Quality of Examples

As indicated above, theexamples presented in theessay are well integratedwith the train of thoughtused in the paper'sargumentation. They reveala competent understandingof the content and itsapplication to the assignedissue. The examplesthemselves are usually quitespecific. The description ofreform in China isparticularly notable for its

_

attention to details, such as the establishment of special economic zones, the growth of joint ventures,and the resulting transfers to China of Western technology and capital. These details are directlyrelevant to the issue under discussion and advance the purpose of the essay. Unlike many lessaccomplished writers, this student refrains from padding the example with extraneous information.

The examples of the Soviet Union under Stalin and Gorbachev are somewhat generalized incomparison to the Chinese example. There is no recognition of the rapid economic expansion thatoccurred under Stalin's Five Year Plans, nor are the economic difficulties currently being encounteredby the successor states of the former Soviet Union acknowledged. While this detracts from thecomprehensiveness of the examples, the information is presented purposefully and reveals a competentunderstanding of social studies content as it applies to the essay topic.

11

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Quality of Language andExpression

The essay is skillfullyt: structured and well written.

The occasional lapses in thefluency of expressionillustrated in some of theexcerpts quoted above donot detract from the clarityof the communication, andare understandable, giventhe conditions of writing.The student is in control ofconventions of writing andmakes use of appropriatevocabulary.

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EXAMPLE PAPER TOPIC A: "3 SATISFACTORY"

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Exploration of the Issue

This essay is based upon acomparison of threealternative economic systems(public enterprise, freeenterprise, and the mixedeconomy) but does notexplicitly address the processof restructuring. Thus, thepaper demonstrates astraightforward andconventional, but somewhatgeneralized, approach to theassigned topic.

While the writer makes aneffort to acknowledge thecomplexity of the issue in theessay's opening paragraph:"This question does not havea simple yes or no answer," itis in describing the alternativeeconomic systems andacknowledging the variousstrengths and weaknesses ofeach that the paper reveals anadequate recognition of thecomplexity of the issue.

The writer discusses the issuein both a historical and acontemporary context, andseems to recognize itssignificance:"Every economic system hasstrengths and weaknesses soit must be decided which onewill benefit the country themost."

Overall, the essay reflects an understanding of the issue of economic restructuring that is generallyclear.

Defence of Position

The student's defense of position consists primarily of a comparative advantage case, based upon adiscussion of the pros and cons of the public, free enterprise, and mixed economic systems. Thiscomparison leads to the conclusion that: "Of the three systems the best is obviously the mixedeconomy."

In addition, the student argues that the adoption of a mixed economy is consistent with recent17

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economic system is never really addressed. Despite these limitations, thepaper is relevant and appropriately applied, reflecting a generally adequateposition.

economic trends in countrieson the right of the economicspectrum: "Increasinglymore countries are adoptingthis economic style as seen bythe USA which continues toinclude more governmentinvolvement in the economy."

The writer also recommendsthat communist or socialistgovernments restructuringtheir economies should"include the ideals of freeenterprise but not . . . loosesight of the good points of thecurrent system."

While some readers may beconcerned that the writerassumes that the term "mixedeconomy" is synonymouswith "welfare capitalism," thewriter's position isunambiguous.

As is typical of papersdemonstrating the "3Satisfactory" standard, theargumentation and evidencetends to be generalized. Littleattempt is made to focusclosely on the specific issueof economic restructuringitself. Instead, the paperevaluates three broad classesof economic systems,suggesting that they arecompeting outcomes of suchrestructuring. The issue ofrestructuring within an

evidence presented in thedefense of the writer's

Quality of Examples

A range of examples relevant to the three economic systems is presented. In the discussion of publicenterprise, the writer refers to the Soviet economic system under Stalin. While the example isappropriate, its accuracy is compromised by oversimplification and exaggeration. For example, thewriter claims that: "Under Stalin's rule all traces of a private enterprise system were abolished. Theworkers had no chance to move up and make more money or gain more material goods."

The remaining examples are left largely undeveloped. While the student briefly alludes to the growth

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of government involvementin the U.S. economy duringthe Great Depression, theNew Deal is never mentionedby name or described in anydegree of detail. Similarly,Canada is cited as an exampleof a country having a mixedeconomy, but little attempt ismade to elaborate beyondmaking fleeting reference topublicly owned business andthe problem of the debt.

The examples used in thepaper are summarilypresented and oversimplifiedto a degree that detracts fromboth the persuasiveness of theargumentation and theaccuracy of the supportingevidence. These examples,while generalized rather thanspecific, do however revealan adequate understanding ofSocial Studies content asapplied to the issue.

Quality of Language andExpression

A significant strength ofthis paper is its clarity ofstructure and organization.The reader can follow thetrain of the writer'sargument from introductionto conclusion withoutdifficulty.

. Vocabulary is specific and

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EXAMPLE PAPERS TOPIC B:GLOBAL INTERACTION IN THE TWENTIETH CENTURY "5 EXCELLENT"

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Exploration of the Issue

As the student indicates in thesecond paragraph of theessay, "The issue of nuclearweapons is very complex andhighly debatable due to thelegitimate and effectivearguments for eachviewpoint."

, It is through the careful7 consideration of these

arguments and positions thatthe student reveals a maturefr.z,dan. , ,04cy and insightful understandingof the intricacy of theassigned issue.

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The selection of examplesfurther contributes to theexploration of the issue. Byjuxtaposing the contemporaryexamples, such as NorthKorea's attempts to acquirenuclear ordinance, withhistorical case studies drawnfrom the Second World Warand the Cold War, the writercreates a context for thediscussion of the issue thatlinks past and present.

This contributes to aperceptive andcomprehensively developeddiscussion of the significanceof the issue and its relevancetoday.

/ The tone of the essay iscontrolled throughout,

however, the writer reveals, in the prose and in the selection of examples, an appreciation of themagnitude of the issues involved that is mature and internalized: "The world is not prepared for thecomplete and utter destruction it faces if nuclear weapons continue to exist."

Defence of Position

In defending the position that "There is no place in the world today for nuclear weapons," the writerpresents and subsequently refutes the opposing position by means of several well-considered andconvincing arguments, each supported by relevant evidence.

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Those who support retainingnuclear weapons argue "thatthe possession and furtherdevelopment of nuclearweapons is the only way ofensuring national security, aswell as collective security,through the means of mutualdeterrence."

This view dominatedsuperpower relationsthroughout the Cold War andis reflected in the currentefforts of the North Koreangovernment to develop anoffensive nuclear capability,in violation of its obligationsunder the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty.Although deterrence has thusfar prevented the outbreak ofwar, the student argues thatthis approach is seriouslydeficient and out of date.

The student begins bypointing out that the need toretain large arsenals ofnuclear weapons hasdiminished with the collapseof the Soviet Union and theend of the Cold War.Eliminating nuclear weaponsbecomes even moreimperative in light of theirgreatly increased destructive

"9-2..c,r/gem /2/1 12-6 r /-:-/-Ln-o,7 ay power. "The nuclearweapons used by the United

States in the Second World War against Japan do not even compare to the destructiveness that new-agenuclear weapons possess." The degree of destruction visited upon Hiroshima should, by itself, "scarethe world into seriously reconsidering the possession of nuclear weapons."

This argument is further amplified by a discussion of the Cuban Missile Crisis: "This event, more thanany other in history, forced nations to realize the full potential danger of a nuclear threat."

A consequence of this, the writer explains, was that countries began to negotiate a variety of armscontrol agreements. These agreements are of crucial importance because "The reduction of nuclearweapons, leading to the absence of all nuclear weapons . . . is the answer to attaining peace andcollective security."

When taken together, the arguments presented in the paper form a convincing and well-considered casesupporting the elimination of nuclear weapons. The deliberate selection of supporting evidence,

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together with the consideredfi? e.-I1/1 ,Z./7 ed. c7 az.-12/ examination of the opposing

itrposition, is indicative of aconfident writer in command

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Quality of Examples

A comprehensive selection ofexamples is presentedthroughout the essay. Thepurposeful development ofseveral of these examplesreveals a sophisticatedknowledge of social studiescontent and an ability topresent that content in adeliberate and focusedfashion.

The paper opens with aconsideration of the Cold Warbalance of power between theSoviet Union and UnitedStates, and continues to awell- developed discussion ofthe current situation in NorthKorea. While the student'sselection of this latter casestudy may have beenprompted by the inclusion ofrelated material in themultiple-choice section of theexam, the material ispresented in an accuratefashion and is well integratedinto the structure of theargument.

Although the student seems unaware that Kim Il Sung has been succeeded by his son Kim Jong II, thisminor oversight does not detract from the quality or relevance of the example.

The arguments opposing the maintenance of nuclear arsenals are supported by two well-developedexamples, the first being the destruction by atom bomb of the Japanese city of Hiroshima. It isindicative of the maturity and control exhibited by the writer that this example is presented without themaudlin exaggeration common in weaker papers. Instead, the facts are allowed to speak forthemselves.

Some readers might suggest that the writer fails to adequately explain the rationale behind the decisionto drop the atomic bombs on Japan, but the point of the example is not to prove whether or not thebombing was justified. Instead, the writer uses the example only to support the contention that the useof the modern nuclear arsenals for whatever reason would result in a level of destruction and sufferingthat would be unacceptable. The Cuban Missile Crisis highlights the danger that these arsenals, if

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maintained, would be used.

The student outlines in somedetail the origins of the Crisis,the danger it posed to worldpeace, its subsequentresolution, and the way it setinto motion attempts toachieve arms limitation andreduction. Again, theexample is closely wedded tothe arguments that help toestablish the position adoptedby the paper

Quality of Language andExpression

This essay is not merely clear,but fluent and artful. Inaddition to being almostentirely free from errors ofgrammar, spelling, andconvention, the essay usesappropriate vocabulary and isskillfully structured. Suchcommand of language isparticularly impressive inlight of the conditions ofwriting.

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Exploration of the Issue

The student's understandingof the issue is immediatelyapparent in the openingparagraph of the essay. Asthe student observes: "Thedropping of the Atomic bombon Hiroshima . . . changed theface of war forever."

While nuclear weapons offer"Mass destruction at thetouch of a button," they havealso "helped keep a balanceof power between the UnitedStates and the Soviet Union."

The willingness of the studentto acknowledge theapparently contradictory rolesof nuclear weapons within thedoctrine of deterrence isindicative of a clearappreciation of thecomplexity of the assignedissue.

As the essay progresses, thestudent recognizes anddistinguishes between thefunction that nuclear weaponshave traditionally played instabilizing superpowerrelations during the Cold Warand the destabilizing role theymight play should they comeunder the control of extremistgovernments. Thus, thewriter recognizes theimportance of the issue and

seeks to explore its significance in both a historical and contemporary context.

The exploration of the issue is further advanced by the thorough discussion of competing positions inthe body of the essay. The complexity of the issue is capably developed, and the essay as a wholereflects a sound understanding of the topic and a high degree of intellectual integrity.

Defence of Position

The student's position is clear and maintained consistently: "Nuclear weapons are not necessary,

31

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This position is primarilysupported by outlining andrefuting the argumentstraditionally used to justifythe retention of nuclearweapons. Whileacknowledging that thedoctrine of deterrence hasprevented nuclear war bymaintaining a balance ofpower between thesuperpowers, the studentargues that deterrence is adangerous and outdatedconcept.

The first argument presentedagainst the deterrencedoctrine is that while it hasnever actually failed topreserve the peace, it hascome very close to failing onseveral occasions. Withappropriate reference to theCuban Missile Crisis, thestudent illustrates that theUnited States and SovietUnion had come to the brinkof disaster: "Both countrieswere ready to push the buttonand destroy the world inpursuit of their own selfishinterests." Althoughdeterrence may haveprevented the outbreak ofwar, this doctrine is what

created the climate of war in the first place. Even if nuclear deterrence is able to maintain peacebetween the United States and Soviet Union, the student suggests that some countries and governmentsmight not be so easily deterred from using nuclear weapons if they were to gain access to them. Giventhe potential threat of weapons coming into the possession of "extremists" and "madmen," universaldisarmament is the only policy that could ensure global security.

Another problem with deterrence, as it had been practised during the Cold War, is that it led directly tothe arms race. This, the student indicates, resulted in the creation of nuclear arsenals of growingdestructive potential and intensified the rivalry between the two leading powers.

The essay concludes with a mention of the danger of the accidental use of nuclear weapons. The

32 37

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student argues that theatmosphere of rivalry and fearcreated by the existence ofnuclear weapons creates thepotential for their accidentaluse as a result ofmisunderstanding orequipment malfunction.While the United States andSoviet Union have taken stepsto prevent this possibility,there would be no danger "ifthere were no nuclearweapons to be launched."The arguments presented inthe essay are sound, well-ordered, and coherentlystructured, each contributingto the support of the commonconclusion that the concept ofdeterrence is unworkable and,by extension, that the onlyother viable option is globaldisarmament. A clearrelationship is establishedbetween the position,arguments, and evidence.

Quality of Examples

The examples presented inthe paper are purposeful andspecific, each serving tosupport the accompanyingargument. Taken together,the examples reflect a solidgrasp of social studiescontent. The entire paper isfounded upon a generaldiscussion of the relations

between the United States and Soviet Union during the Cold War. This example is relevant andaccurate, demonstrating a competent understanding Of deterrence and the balance of power as appliedto the position being defended.

As part of this larger discussion, the student broadly outlines the major events of the Cuban MissileCrisis, and shows how the superpowers' policy of brinkmanship combined with nuclear deterrence tocause a near catastrophe.

Unlike many other papers making similar claims, this essay presents specific examples to support thecontention that some governments might not be deterred from using nuclear weapons were theysuccessful in developing this technology. The student suggests that the American attack on Libyanleader Colonel Khadafi, which resulted in the death of his young daughter, might provide sufficient

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motive for Libya, a statealready implicated in terrorattacks, to stage a nuclearstrike upon the United StateDespite the questionableclaim that biological andchemical weapons have beeused by Iraq against UNsoldiers (presumably, thestudent is referring tocoalition forces participatinin the expulsion of Iraqioccupiers from Kuwait), th(example of SaddamHussain's attempt to acquirnuclear weapons for Iraq al,helps to advance theargument that "Extremist,mad-men are the wrong harfor nuclear weapons to be iiand the threat of theseweapons being used is verypossible."

Quality of Language andExpression

The contents of this paper astructured so as to enhanceclarity and flow. While ernof word choice, grammar,spelling, and punctuation arapparent, they do notsignificantly detract from tl-fluency of the writing or theclarity of the communicatioThe student employs avocabulary that is specificand appropriate, and makesaccurate use of social studieterminology.

EXAMPLE PAPER TOPIC B: "3 SATISFACTORY"

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The student's initial attemptsto grapple with the issue areawkward but, as the paperprogresses, the studentreveals adequateunderstanding of the issueand its complexity.

In the opening paragraph, thestudent displays someunderstanding of thefundamental paradox ofnuclear weapons: that, whilethey "have the ability to endbillions of lives," they canalso save lives by deterringwar through the doctrine of"Mutually AssuredDestruction." References tothe destructive potential ofnuclear weapons provide thebasis for the student'sappreciation of thesignificance of the issue.

and their development can be quite normal, their logic is questionable." Byof nuclear energy and the issue of nuclear proliferation, the student exhibitsdepth and breadth of the assigned issue.

Throughout theargumentation, the studentdemonstrates a generally firmunderstanding of thecompeting positions that onemight take on the issue.

However, as is typical ofmany writers achieving the "3Satisfactory" standard, thestudent tends to dismisslightly opposing argumentsand positions: "While peoplewho support nuclear weaponsincluding a discussionan appreciation of the

Defence of Position

The student takes and consistently defends the position that "nuclear weapons are not necessary andare detrimental to the continued survival of all mankind." The position is subsequently clarifiedwith regard to the issue of nuclear power: "This is not to say that the development of the nuclearreaction for energy purposes should be stopped."

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crag Gumf.d.Each of these arguments is supported by evidence that is generally accurate although undeveloped.Together, these arguments form a defense of the writer's position that is sound and adequate, butwhich occasionally lacks persuasiveness.

A close reading of the paperreveals that the position issupported by five separatearguments. The first of theseis based upon the rejection ofthe contention "that policiesof brinkmanship and the armsrace prevent war," and issupported by reference to theCuban Missile Crisis. Thesecond is that the "greatpowers" can no longer affordthe arms race and, therefore,that "Nuclear weapons areplaying less of a role thanever before in our world."The third argument ishistorical in character, and isfounded upon the claim thatthe use of nuclear weapons atthe conclusion of the SecondWorld War caused anunacceptable loss of life andwas a cynical attempt tointimidate the Russians. Thefourth argument is that"nations are beginning torealize the terrible destructivepower of the bomb," and that"the reduction of the amountof nuclear weapons has begunand the research into makingbetter weapons has halted."

The essay concludes with theargument that "The world hasalready seen that to maintaincollective security nuclearweapons do not have to beused."

Quality of Examples

The student uses appropriate and relevant examples, indicating an adequate understanding of socialstudies content and its application to the assigned issue. While the student is able to cite numerousexamples in support of the arguments presented, little effort is made to provide the supporting detailand explanation needed to substantiate the claims made in the argument.

For example, the student claims that the Cuban Missle Crisis was caused by nuclear weapons and wasnot ended by pure brinkmanship but rather a fear factor lithe threat of mutually assured destruction."

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Yet, the student'sunderstanding of the term"brinkmanship" and how itdiffers from the "fear factor"and "threat of mutuallyassured destruction" is notexplained, and furtherexplanation of the relevantevents of the Crisis is notprovided.

Similarly, the student's claimthat the American decision touse atomic bombs in 1945was motivated by a desire to"show the Russians that theyhad a jump on a weapon ofenormous power and theRussians had better not pressso hard on certain matters,"while potentially insightful, isnot supported by anyadditional discussion of thepolitical or military situationthat existed in the periodfollowing the Yalta andPotsdam conferences.Readers are left to speculateas to which "certain matters"the student is referring. Inaddition to the examplesalready discussed, the studentmakes brief reference to theNon-Proliferation Treaty,SALT I and II, the Chernobylnuclear power plant disaster,Canada's sale of a CANDUreactor to India, and theexpulsion of Iraq fromKuwait as a consequence ofthe Gulf War. Although

well chosen and supports the argument to which it is

Quality of Language and Expression

The essay is clear and uses appropriate social studies vocabulary. The student is obviously consciousof the need to establish and maintain an appropriate tone (note the substitution of "questionable" for"screwed" on the second page of the paper). :Tile student's writing is generally straightforward andlargely free of errors of convention, syntax, and'spelling..

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Examples of Superior Papers

Occasionally, papers emerge during the Diploma Examination marking process that displayexceptional insight, maturity, creativity, and understanding of social studies content as it relatesto the assigned issue. While markers are required to assess these papers using the descriptorsoutlined in the scoring guide, the papers actually exceed the standards for excellence in each ofthe scoring categories, and demonstrate a degree of accomplishment that goes beyond thatexpected of students completing Social Studies 30.

The following two papers are included here as a celebration of student accomplishment. Theirfluency obviates any need for additional commentary.

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Appendix A

January 1995 Writing Assignment

Part B: Written Response

Description

Part B consists of an essay assignmentworth 30% of the total examination mark.You are to take and defend a position onone of the two issues presented, eitherTopic A or Topic B.

Instructions

Choose either Topic A or Topic B foryour essay. If you write on bothtopics, only the first will be marked.

Be sure to indicate your choice of topicin the space provided on the backcover.

Use blue or black ink to write youressay.

Your essay will be evaluated according to these four criteria:

Exploration of the IssueDefence of PositionQuality of ExamplesQuality of Language and Expression

Reminders for Writing

Plan your essay.Focus on the issue under discussion.Establish a clear position or thesis that will direct and unify your essay.Organize your essay in a manner that will best defend your position.Defend your position by using supportive and specific evidence drawn from yourknowledge of social studies.Edit and proofread your writing.

Complete your essay on the following pages. Space is provided for planning and drafting and foryour finished work.

5560

Written Response Essay Assignment

Choose one of the following issues for your essay. Be sure to indicate your choice in the spaceprovided on the back cover.

Topic A

Some individuals believe that governments should use the principles of free enterprise torestructure their economies. Other individuals believe that this is not the best approach thatgovernments should take.

Should governments use the principles of free enterprise to restructure theireconomies?

In your essay, take and defend a position on this issue.

Topic B

Some individuals believe that the possession of nuclear weapons by some nations todayserves a useful purpose. Other individuals contend that all nuclear weapons should bedismantled and their development forbidden.

Are nuclear weapons necessary?

In your essay, take and defend a position on this issue.

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56

Appendix B

Scoring Criteria

1. Exploration of the Issue(5 marks)

Writers explore the issue bydemonstrating an understanding of itssignificance and complexitythroughout their essays.

1. Understanding of the depth andbreadth of the issue

2. Thoughtfulness

Key Questions

Does the writer demonstrate anunderstanding of the issue?Does the writer recognize theimportance of the issue and itssignificance in an historical and/orcontemporary context?Is the writer aware of thecomplexity of the issue?Does the writer establish anappropriate and meaningful contextfor the position taken?

INSUFFICIENT is a special category.It is not an indicator of quality. Itshould be assigned to papers that donot contain a discernible attempt toaddress the issue presented in theassignment or that are too brief toassess in this or any other scoringcategory.

Score Scoring Criteria

5Excellent

The exploration of the issue is insightful and mature.A perceptive discussion of the significance of theissue and its complexity is comprehensivelydeveloped. The context established reflects athorough understanding and internalized appreciationof the issue.

4Proficient

The exploration of the issue is clear and adept. Acompetent discussion of the significance of the issueand its complexity is capably developed. The contextestablished reflects a sound understanding of theissue.

3Satisfactory

The exploration of the issue is straightforward andconventional. An adequate but often generalizeddiscussion of the significance of the issue and itscomplexity is developed. The context establishedreflects an understanding of the issue that is generallyclear.

2Limited

The exploration of the issue is incomplete or lackselaboration. The discussion of the significance of theissue and its complexity is superficial and lacksdevelopment. The context established may bedifficult to discern, indicating a vague or confusedunderstanding of the issue.

1

PoorThe exploration of the issue is minimal. Discussionof the significance of the issue and its complexity isdisjointed, inaccurate, or extremely vague. Thecontext established is difficult or impossible todetermine, indicating a minimal understanding of theissue. The preamble to the assignment may be copiedbut is not elaborated. Exploration of the issue mayindicate misinterpretation or misunderstanding of theassigned issue.

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2. Defence of Position(10 marks)

Writers take and defend a position onthe issue by developing andorganizing logical and persuasivearguments.

1. Evidence of a position2. Logic and persuasiveness

Key Questions

Does the writer present a clearposition with respect to the issueassigned?Does the writer deal consistentlywith the issue under discussion?Does the writer select appropriateevidence to defend the positiontaken?Does the writer draw a relationshipbetween the evidence selected andthe position taken?Does the writer apply well-chosenand relevant historical orcontemporary knowledge todevelop and support the positiontaken rather than reiterate.memorized information and facts inthe apparent hope that such factsmight support a position?Does the writer base arguments onreason, conviction, and scholarshiprather than on uninformed beliefand/or unsupported assertions?Does the writer base arguments onvalid assumptions and premises thatsupport the credibility of theconclusions?What depth of analysis andelaboration does the writerdemonstrate?Does the writer organize relatedarguments?Does the writer develop the essaylogically and coherently? Has thewriter avoided irrelevancies,digressions, and redundancies?

Score Scoring Criteria

5Excellent

The defence of position is based on well-considered,convincing, and logical arguments revealing a confidentwriter. The arguments presented are consistent andforceful, demonstrating maturity, insight, and/ororiginality. The evidence chosen is deliberate andjudicious, serving to support the arguments developedand the position taken. A strong relationship between theposition, arguments, and evidence is established andmaintained throughout. The content is ordered andcontrolled in such a way as to convincingly reinforce thewriter's arguments.

4Proficient

The defence of position is based on sound arguments.The arguments presented are logical and competentlydeveloped. The evidence chosen is appropriate, servingto support the arguments given and the position taken. Aclear relationship is established between the position,arguments, and evidence. The content is ordered in sucha way that the writer's arguments are clearly discernible.

3Satisfactory

The defence of position is based on one or more adequatearguments. While the arguments are generally sound,they may lack in persuasiveness and consistency. Theevidence chosen adequately supports the argumentsgiven and the position taken. The relationship betweenthe position, arguments, and evidence is generallyestablished. The content is ordered in such a way thatthe writer's arguments are generally identifiable.

2Limited

The defence of position is based on simple assertionsrather than on the development of supportive ideas orarguments. If arguments are presented, they are ofquestionable logic or are repetitive, unspecific,contradictory, simplistic, or based on uninformed belief.The evidence given may be related to the issue underdiscussion but may be largely unrelated to any argumentsmade or to the position taken. The relationship betweenposition, argument, and evidence may be difficult todetermine. The content is ordered in such a way that thewriter's arguments are contradictory, vague, orredundant.

1

PoorThe defence of position is weak: i.e., the position taken ishard to determine, or little or not attempt is made todefend it. The writer has so misinterpreted the issue thatthe arguments and evidence presented are related to theposition taken but are largely unrelated to the issue underdiscussion. The evidence chosen may be inappropriatelyapplied to the development of any supportive argumentor to the position taken. The content is disorganized andleaves in doubt the writer's intent.

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3. Quality of Examples(10 marks)

Writers select, accurately develop,and apply relevant social studiesexamples to support their position.

1. Accuracy2. Comprehensiveness

Key Questions

How verifiable or factually accurateis the information in the selectedexamples?Does the information presentedreflect perceptions of reality thatcan be supported?What breadth or depth ofunderstanding does the writerdemonstrate by developing specificexamples or applying a range ofrelevant examples?Does the writer use the informationin the examples to qualifyjudgements, form hypotheses, orspeculate about the unknown?

Note: Examples from social studiescontent may be historical and/orcontemporary and may be drawnfrom the study of Canada and/orother nations. Students areencouraged to refer to currentevents when appropriate.

Score Scoring Criteria

5Excellent

The selected examples are comprehensive and specific,revealing a mature and insightful understanding ofcontent and its application to the assigned issue. Theexamples are relevant and accurate, and are chosendeliberately, demonstrating a sophisticated knowledge ofsocial studies content.

4Proficient

The selected examples are purposeful and usuallyspecific, revealing a competent understanding of contentand its application to the assigned issue. The examplesare relevant and accurate, indicating a solid grasp ofsocial studies content.

3Satisfactory

The selected examples are largely conventional,revealing an adequate understanding of content and itsapplication to the assigned issue. The examples arerelevant but may contain some minor factual errors, orthere may be a mixture of relevant and extraneousinformation. Understanding of social studies content isgeneralized rather than specific.

2Limited

The selected examples are unfocused or inappropriate,revealing a vague understanding of content and itsapplication to the assigned issue. The examples arepotentially relevant but contain inaccuracies orextraneous detail. Understanding of social studiescontent demonstrates confusion and/oroversimplification.

1

PoorThe selected examples are either irrelevant or so scant,overgeneralized, or inaccurate that they indicate a pooror almost complete lack of understanding of content andits application to the assigned issue. The examplescontain major and revealing errors, indicating a minimalunderstanding of social studies content. Some examplesselected have been copied verbatim from the multiple-choice section of the examination without elaboration, orthe issue has been so misunderstood that the selectedexamples are largely inappropriate for the issue underdiscussion.

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4. Quality of Language andExpression (5 marks)

Writers communicate clearly andeffectively, demonstrating control ofsyntax, mechanics, conventions, andvocabulary, including appropriatesocial studies terminology.

1. Syntax and vocabulary2. Conventions

Key Questions

Does the writer use correct,appropriate, and effective syntaxand vocabulary? ("Syntax" is theway in which words are combinedto form phrases, clauses, andsentences. "Vocabulary" is thecollection of words used, includingsocial studies terminology.)Does the writer use correct orappropriate grammar, spelling,capitalization, and punctuation?

Note: When marking this dimension,markers should consider theeffectiveness of the total impressioncreated by the writer. Proportion oferror to the complexity and lengthof the response must also beconsidered.

Score Scoring Criteria

5Excellent

The writing is skillfully structured and fluent.Vocabulary is appropriate and effective. Syntax iscontrolled and varied. The relative absence of error isimpressive under the circumstances, and minor errors donot detract from the clarity or effectiveness ofcommunication.

4Proficient

The writing is clear and generally fluent. Vocabulary isappropriate and effective. Syntax is controlled. Minorerrors do not reduce the clarity of communication.

3Satisfactory

The writing is clear. Vocabulary is adequate but tends tobe general rather than specific. Syntax is generallystraightforward. Despite minor errors, the studentdemonstrates control of conventions.

2Limited

The writing is unclear and/or ineffective. Vocabulary isinappropriate and/or imprecise. Syntax is immatureand/or awkward. Errors indicate a lack of control ofconventions.

1

PoorThe writing is frequently unclear and not fluent.Vocabulary is frequently inaccurate. Syntax is confusedand uncontrolled. Frequent errors impedecommunication.

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(9/92)

sV

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