difficult conversations - inspired engagement · 2.6 3.4 5.2 3.6 3.3 5.4 2016 2017 2018 average...
TRANSCRIPT
Productive Conflict
Difficult ConversationsHow to have the conversation you have been
avoiding
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Session Downloads
✓ Session Handout
✓ PPT
✓ References
✓ Session Evaluation
https://inspired-engagement.com/workshop-resources/
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Session Topics
Part 1
• Productive Conflict
• Civility
• Interest Based Dialogue
Part 2
• Crucial Conversations
• Personal Script a Difficult Conversation
Thursday April 9 - 11:00AM
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Productive Conflict
An open exchange of conflicting or differing ideas in which
parties feel equally heard, respected, and unafraid to voice
dissenting opinions for the purpose of reaching a mutually
comfortable resolution.
• Starts with Trust
• Not Personal, Not negative, But Uncomfortable
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Productive Conflict
• Earlier problem identification
• Better problem solving
• Healthier relationships,
morale and commitment
• Improved productivity
• Personal growth and insight
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• Teaches us to listen
• Opportunity to verbalize
needs
• Teaches flexibility
• Opens our eyes to new ideas
• Teaches us patterns of
behavior
• Leads to better solutions
Productive Conflict
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Civility and Collegiality
Incivility is “one or more rude, discourteous,
or disrespectful actions that may or may not
have a negative intent behind them”.
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Why this topic?
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Civility in America 2018: Civility at
Work and in our Public Squares:
93% of Americans report that lack of
civility is a problem in society
69% classified lack of civility as a
major problem
Civility in America 2018: Civility at Work and in our Public Squares. Weber Shadwick and Powell Tate in partnership with KRC Research
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2.63.4
5.2
3.63.3
5.4
2016 2017 2018
AVERAGE NUMBER ENCOUNTERS OF INCIVILITY PER WEEK
In Person/Offline Online/Social Media
6.2 6.7
10.6
Civility in America 2018: Civility at Work and in our Public Squares. Weber Shadwick and Powell Tate in partnership with KRC Research
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Employee Reported Incivility
2008
• 71% - 79% reported encountering issues of incivility
2013
• 98% experienced incivility at work. At least half incivility occurred at least once per week.
Cortina, L. M. (2008). Porath, C., & Pearson, C. (2013).
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National Study on
Faculty to Faculty Incivility
70% of Faculty surveyed perceived
incivility among and between faculty as
a moderate to serious problem
Clark, C. M. (2013) National Study on Faculty to Faculty Incivility. Nurse Educator, 38(3), 98-102
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Clark Workplace Civility Index
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Assume goodwill and think best of others
Include and welcome new and current colleagues
Communicate respectfully (by email, telephone, face to face) and really listen
Avoid gossip and spreading rumors
Keep confidences and respect other’s privacy
Encourage, support, and mentor others
Avoid abusing my position or authority
Use respectful language
Attend meetings, arrive on time, participate, volunteer, and do my share
Avoid distracting others (misusing media, side conversations) during meetings
Avoid taking credit for another individual’s or team’s contribution
Acknowledge others and praise their work/contributions
Take personal responsibility and stand accountable for my actions
Speak directly to the person I have an issue
Share pertinent or important information with others
Uphold the vision, mission and values of the department
Seek and encourage constructive feedback from others
Demonstrate approachability, flexibility, and openness to other points of view
Bring my “A” game and strong work ethic to my workplace
Apologize and mean it when the situation calls for it
How often do you:
1 - never
5 - always
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Clark Workplace Civility Index
• 90 – 100 Very Civil
• 80 – 89 Civil
• 70 – 79 Moderately Civil
• 60 – 69 Minimally Civil
• 50 – 59 Uncivil
• < 50 Very Uncivil
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STRESS INCIVILITY STRESS
CONFLICT
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Practice Civility
• Practice forgiveness
• Express gratitude
• Affirm others
• Listen and be present
• Smile and spread goodwill
• Don’t interrupt
• Avoid making assumptions
• Suspend judgement
• Say please and thank you
• Think before you speak
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P. M. Forni
Co-Founder of the Johns
Hopkins Civility ProjectCynthia Clark
Founder of Civility Matters
Nursing Faculty Emeritus
Christine Porath
Associate Professor McDonough
School of Business
Georgetown University
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Quiz
• The most successful teams have very little conflict.
• The best teams are made up of people who are comfortable
passionately arguing for their ideas.
• No matter what their cultural background and family norms,
people generally feel the same way about conflict—they prefer to
avoid it.
• Understanding team members’ differing experiences with and
feelings about conflict helps a team engage in unfiltered,
productive debates.
True or False
FALSE
TRUE
FALSE
TRUE
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Conflict
• How do you personally perceive conflict?
• Do you view conflict as an opportunity or a threat?
• What is your current approach to conflict?
Violence OR Silence
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Conflict
• is inevitable
• can be managed
• can be productive
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Scenario
You are working closely with one of your colleagues on a
project and at least one of you is required to be present
at a status meeting with the vice presidents every other
week.
You asked your colleague to cover for you in the meeting
at the end of the month because you need to take the
day off.
He said no because the agenda on that day covers a
topic that aligns with your knowledge and expertise and
he has to prepare to cover a different topic in detail at a
meeting on Tuesday, earlier in the week.
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Early Tuesday morning, you receive an e-mail
from him (sent Monday night) indicating that he is
taking a sick day and will not be able to be at the
Tuesday meeting so you will need to cover for
him.
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If this scenario were true
how would it make you feel?
A. Generous, hopeful, confident
B. Angry, frustrated, spiteful
C. Sad, concerned, anxious
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What if you looked through the lens of
CURIOSITY?
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High Stakes
Crucial
Conversations
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Interest-based
Conflict Resolution
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Interests vs Positional Conflict
• Positional
– One solution
– Divide the pie / Zero-sum Game
• Interest-based
– Multiple solutions based on mutual interests
– Grow the pie
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Adversarial Assumptions
➢For me to win, you must loose
– Therefore we compete
➢To help you is a sign of my weakness and will hurt me
➢My power comes from opposing, criticizing, and
beating you
Ignores the value of relationship
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Interest-based Problem-Solving Assumptions
➢All parties have the right to exist
➢All parties have legitimate interests
➢Dialogue can enhance relationship
➢Solutions are durable
➢Mutual gain is possible
Values relationship
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Interests
• Concerns
• Wants
• Needs
• Desires
• Fears
Tell us why solving the problem is important
Relative to a problem or issue, which
can be solved or resolved by a
variety of solutions some of which will
be acceptable to both parties
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Elements of Negotiation
POWER RIGHTS INTERESTS
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POWER RIGHTS INTERESTS
Resources
RequiredUsually high
Time, Money, Stress
Generally Costly
Time, Money, StressTime and Talent
Outcome
SatisfactionOne sided:
One winner, One loser
Mixed:
Not satisfied to highly
satisfied
Both interests must be
satisfied or no
agreement
ComplianceAs long as power is
applied
Until a better
opportunity presents
itself
Very durable
Quality of
RelationshipOften destroys Oneupmanship
Strengthens
Mutual respect
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Interest-based Problem Solving
Adversaries
Advocates for Interests
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BATNA = Power
• Best
• Alternative
• To a
• Negotiated
• Agreement
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Interest-based Principles
Separate the People from the Problem
Focus on Interests, not Positions
Generate Multiple Options
Evaluate by Objective Criteria & Interests
Accept Outcome if Superior to BATNA
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Barriers?
• Single answers
• Assuming a fixed pie
• Their problem is theirs
• Failing to get information
• Too much emotion
• Jumping to conclusions
• Staying in the box
• Fear of risk
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What could be the interests?
A. Your life partner wants to move to Oregon.
B. An employee wants to work some of their accountability
virtually from home.
C. A union wants a 3 percent across-the-board wage
increase in collective bargaining or meet and confer.
D. An instructor wants to move testing to an online platform
and allow students to take the exam off site.
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Share Your Outcomes, Needs, Agenda
• Motive and Intent
– Start with heart
– What do you want? What do you NOT want?
• “Crisp” message
– Clear
– Brief
– Impact/reason
– Care personally/challenge directly
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Radical
Candor
Care Personally
Challenge
Directly
Obnoxious
Aggression
Ruinous
Empathy
Manipulative
Insincerity
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Session Topics
Part 2
• Crucial Conversations
• Personal Script a Difficult Conversation
Thursday April 9 - 11:00AM
Crucial
Conversations
High Stakes
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Because no matter how hard a conversation is, I know that on the other side of that difficult conversation lies peace. Knowledge. An answer is delivered. Character is revealed. Truces are formed. Misunderstandings are resolved.
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References, Handout, PowerPoint, Feedback
https://inspired-engagement.com/workshop-resources/
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