depressing motherhood “dealing with post partum depression”

Website | Facebook | Twitter

Depressing Motherhood “Dealing with Post-Partum Depression”

https://www.facebook.com/nirvanamablog

https://twitter.com/nirvanamaa


Depressing and Motherhood are usually not used together. It’s like a social taboo to use anything other than the rainbow happy adjectives with motherhood. Yes, agreed. The happiness and joy is just overwhelming. I can’t think of myself a day without my daughter and I have a lot to thank motherhood too. It has made me a much better human being, it has given me meaning and of course it has given me a blog.

Yet, I don’t agree with the monochrome happy color that society paints motherhood with. There are, if not more, at least 50 shades of gray that motherhood can be painted in! ….

http://www.nirvanama.com/




… As part of series of articles about “Dark mothering” where I promised my readers to talk about the darker days of motherhood that are as real as the other days, let’s start with something most of us deal with- Post-partum depression.

On one hand where all moms who have newly delivered are posting happy pictures with tears of joy hugging and kissing their babies, you are feeling like a mess. You hate yourself and everybody around you. Unfortunately, including your baby! And you feel horrible, guilty, inadequate and a total failure as a mom!

You cry at the drop of a hat. You hate talking to people. You don’t want to see your husband. And any guests arriving to see the baby is just the tipping point where you want to scream and run away! ….




http://www.nirvanama.com/dark-mothering-2/


… Your body and mind are feeling this but your social conditioning just keeps telling you how wrong you are to feel this way. How can a mother not be happy? To top it up, your husband and loved ones also don’t understand why you are behaving like a maniac.

Oh! Only and if only, you had known about post-partum depression and known that it is as real as giving birth. Its likely to be your constant companion in the early days post delivery. And you will have to live with it.

But isn’t there a way out?

Well, for starters, I always feel that knowing, understanding and accepting something is the best way to deal with it.





So here are some facts about PPD (post-partum depression):

1. It’s due to a hormonal interplay in your body. Its nothing that you are doing on purpose! (Pre-warn the Mom-in-law about this!!)

2. It cant go away by trying or wishing. Like all other biochemical processes in your body, it’s something that you can’t dismiss by trying very hard!

3. It’s common and happens to other women too. A survey indicates that up-to 25% of post-partum mothers undergo depression.

4. However, it’s fairly uncommon too. Good news is that you don’t have to prepare yourself for an upcoming depressive episode for sure. Remember, 75% of the mothers DON’T get PPD. That’s a good number, isn’t it ?

5. It’s temporary. Like most gray clouds, the silver lining is that it’s temporary.





The most important aspect to remember and educate those living with you is that you are not causing PPD to happen to you. It just happens. You can’t deal with it by “not thinking about it.” It’s hormones messing with your brain. You can’t think or wish for them to not!

PPD is as much a biological process as your heart pumping blood. Just like you can’t make an ongoing heart attack go away just by wishing hard, you can’t make PPD go away by wishing so. You need to take action !!





So if you happen to be in the 25% category that do fall prey to PPD, what do you do about it ?





Support from familyIt’s always best to have a family and spouse you can expect support from. You can get your gynae brief your spouse about a futuristic possibility of PPD during your last few prenatal visits. Hearing it from a doc will probably help in expressing the seriousness and reality of the situation.





Don’t blame yourselfWe all wish for a happy post partum picture where it’s all smiles and joy. However, its ok if it’s not. I was not up for a selfie the minute I delivered. And it’s perfectly fine if you are not. If you are feeling emotions contrary to the ones you were hoping and expecting, don’t punch yourself about it. They are emotions. They are hormone controlled. And right now, hormones have a black magic kind of hold on you. So let yourself be.





Curb unnecessary visits

We all hate the random strangers who come up to see your baby post delivery. And you are expected to sit up and greet and smile and make small chat each time the doorbell rings. It can be exhausting, right? If you have an understanding set of people around you, it’s best to tell them clearly that you need your rest and probably fix a time. Say, if anyone visits between 2pm-6pm, they should not be allowed in your room as you want to nap. The baby can be taken out to be showered with blessings. But not you!





Call over positive people

In the West there are many care groups and support groups for PPD moms. However, I am yet to find one in India. But don’t worry! Your best pals can do the same for you right in the convenience of your home. One of my besties was there with me when I delivered. She visited me during my early mommy days. I think I owe a lot of my post partum happiness to her. You laugh, reminiscence those college days and best of all- talk about what you are really going through. And if your bestie was as non-judgemental and eager to just listen to you without offering any advice as mine was, half the PPD battle is won!





Massage

As modern women, we don’t like to follow some old wives’ therapies. But I am a standing testimony that they do help. Getting regular massages just makes you feel so happy! Wearing a scarf on your head, not going out for 40 days, tying a tight belt around your waist, eating those “Gond” ke ladoo, having the yummy Panjiri…..i don’t know if they work. But it surely does uplift your mood.





Ask for help

Though we all want to be epitomes of super moms who have everything in control, asking for ask much help without feeling guilty is the mantra during the early motherhood days. Getting your mother, in-laws, friends, husband, nanny, maids to help you out on a daily basis is a good idea, especially during the first 1-2 months of new mothering! It just makes the pressure go away from your head. And after 2 months, you can do all you want to be the super mom!





Shed the Damsel in distress look

Get up and do your eye make-up if you want, walk around a little bit, get chatty with your friends, pick up a good wardrobe to wear post delivery- do whatever makes you happy. Being a new mom doesn’t mean having a haggard look and a miserable life! Motherhood doesn’t make you weak or vulnerable. If anything, it gives you the key to strengths that you never knew you had! You are a tigress for your baby! Feel empowered!





These are the thoughts that I could put together to help my friends who have or are undergoing PPD. As a Nirvanama, I would love to hear you out and know more about your experience with PPD. Your comment might help another mom overcome her battle!

Leave your comment below or email me at [email protected]

Come join and help me build a HAppy MOthers Gang




mailto:[email protected]

depressing motherhood “dealing with post partum depression”

Lifestyle