DEATH, LOSS, DIVORCE

“Grief is letting go of the future you’ll never have.”

- Carl Jung

EMOTIONS OF GRIEF AND LOSSShock – feeling numb, denying the truth, expecting them to show up after they’re gone

Sadness – emptiness, despair, yearningGuilt – wish you would have said certain things.

Anger – feel the need to blame someoneFear – feeling anxious, panic attacks

COMPLICATED GRIEF Intense and long-lasting form of grief that takes over a person’s life

Feeling “stuck”Factors that keep person from going through healing process

Could be related to relationship with that person, characteristics about that person, the circumstances around the loss

DEVELOPMENTAL REACTIONS TO DEATH Infancy – 2 – Do not have the cognitive capacity to understand an abstract

concept such as death. They typically become irritable, have a change in sleeping and eating habits and cry frequently.

Ages 2 – 4 – Do not understand concept of forever. Death is seen as temporary and reversible. May ask “When will Mommy be home?”

Ages 4 – 7 – Feel someone is to blame for death and if you’re careful enough you can avoid death. Everything in their environment revolves around them.“The cat ran away and then my grandpa died.”

Ages 7 – 10 – Begin to see death as final. Fascinated with details. May feel that people they know could die as well.

Ages 10 – 12 – May cover up feelings as a way to not feel “different.” “I don’t understand why __________ is so sad.”

Ages 13 – 15 – Feel invincible. “Death won’t happent

INITIAL PARENT INTAKEWhere is the parent emotionally? What is full story?How long ago was event?What was the child’s reaction?Has there been improvement or regression?Bedwetting? Behavioral Issues?Does the child talk about the event?What has been helpful? Harmful?

DIVORCEHow did kids find out?What do the kids know?How is co-parenting?What is the plan? Court, mediation, etc.State your position and sign forms if neededKnow timeline so you can be prepared to help kids process

THE SQUID AND THE WHALE

WORKING WITH GRIEVING CHILDRENChildren will come in and out of griefIt’s important not to force the issueNormalizing feelings is keyUse concrete objects to help children deal with abstract concepts.

Prop-Based Interventions

TOOLS FOR KIDS

GRIEF LEAF

MOM’S HOUSE/DAD’S HOUSE

GOODBYE LETTER

BEFORE AND AFTER

WORKING WITH GRIEVING ADOLESCENTSExpressive TherapiesDevelop a relationship around other things (besides grief)

Help them develop support systems outside of counseling office

Help them find ways to say goodbye

TOOLS FOR ADOLESCENT

S

DESIGN A DAD (OR MOM)

What would he/she be like?What would he/she say?What do you need? If dad is no longer in the picture, recommend role models outside the home.

EMDR

Eye Movement Desensitization and ReprocessingHelps process trauma by moving eyes from left to right for short intervals

Reframes traumatic event

GUIDED IMAGERY

Example: If in car accident, imagine positive things happening.“See yourself making a left turn. See it going smoothly. See yourself passing a car where everything goes okay.”

RELAXATION TECHNIQUES

Deep breathing during distressing situations.

Rolling the neck, dropping the shoulders, shutting the eyes.

Bringing in soothing music to practice with.

THE ROSEBUSH