Dealing with difficult people and Dealing with difficult people and dangerous situationsdangerous situations

GERALD PAUSCHMANNwww.geraldpauschmann.com

Dealing with a dangerous and potentially violent person is

sometimes not easy

Not dealing with the situation will lower your self esteem and increase your level of stress

Today we have strategies

• Describing difficult

 Hard to do or accomplish; demanding considerable effort or skill;

• Describing danger

The possibility of suffering harm or injury unsafe, grave, grievous, life-threatening, serious

May be avoidable through caution, forethought, and/or decisive action.

JU-DOJU-DO

GENTLE-WAYGENTLE-WAY

GET MORE GET MORE POLITE WITH POLITE WITH

ANGRY PEOPLEANGRY PEOPLE

Notes

• You cannot deal rationally with people who are intoxicated, drug affected or have a mental illness

• People can say things but have a different meaning• Most of our first reactions are often oppositional• All of us need our concerns validated• You can’t be all things to all people• YOU is an escalating word• Use assertive language

Only 6% of people in the workplace are extremely difficult to deal with

Often, it's people who are the opposite of us who annoy us

People who have some of our weaknesses may also annoy us because they remind

us of ourselves.

You have the most control over your own

reactions and behaviour

““Too often we give Too often we give

children answers to children answers to

remember rather than remember rather than

problems to solve.”problems to solve.”Source: Roger Lewis

When someone is aggressively throwing lots of questions at you

You reply,

I would like to answer….but I am not sure I understand what the real issue is

Remain quiet and repeat this statement until you are able to respond

When someone is not willing to abide by the laws (or rules and regulations)

You reply,

The law says that the work you want to carry out needs a permit, do you want to help you apply for one?

Under the dangerous animal act, the law requires you to surrender the dog until we can sort things out

Remain quiet and repeat this statement until you are able to respond

When someone is making snide comments or sarcastic jokes about you

You reply,

That’s very rude

Are you trying to be insulting?

There is no need to be nasty

Please don’t be disrespectful

When someone asking you very difficult questions

Remember, you are not compelled in giving them the answer

You reply,

This is way too important for me to give you an immediate answer, let me get back to you when we have some more time and I have had a chance to think about it

If someone were to try to attack me in an argument

You reply,

“You seem to be fairly upset about this. What has upset you so much?

So you’re saying you’d like to disregard my requests if you don’t agree with them. Is that right?”

“Is this how you’d like to continue to deal with this situation?”

“I’d like to keep this conversation respectful?”

If someone is becoming verbally aggressive and tensions are rising

You reply,

Let me put this to you that I think you are well aware of the (laws / rules / policy / legislation) and you are angry because you got caught out. You need to listen carefully to me with the options I have for you to deal with

If someone is attacking you because they cannot pay a bill

You reply,

I can see this is very distressing for you and I know you are not making it personal – Here is what I can do right now.

Now outline the options

When they don’t get their way and become rude

You reply,

I can see that you are not happy with this but there is no need to be rude

How do you want to do this?

When the situation just seems to go round in circles

You reply,What can I do that would satisfy you (or get you to

comply, or take direction, or get you to listen to what I have to say….)

Now if they respond with an unreasonable request,

You reply,I don’t have the authority to do that (today)…

1. only the courts can decide that 2. Would you like to know how you can get the permit to…..

When somebody has bad breath

Remember, there is a different between TRUTH and TACT

You reply,

Jim, you might not be aware, of this, but you breath smells a little and I want to save you the embarrassment when you see your clients

I can see that you are not happy with this but there is no need to

be rude

How do you want to do this?

You CustomerCouncil

Feel

Needs

Reasoning

Action

You

I can seeYou seemThat must beI senseYou’re…

And you thinkwhat you would like me to do is…So what you are telling me is…The way you see things is…

The situation is thisHere’s the thingThe legislationThe lawYou cannot

ButSo you need to listen carefullyThis is what we are going to doI suggest that you

Council

We cannot reason with a person who is…

• Unreasonable• Under the influence of drugs or alcohol• Has a mental health issue• Irrational• Constantly interrupts• Yelling• Crying• Driving erratically• Right

Your response style

• Logical argument

• Say nothing

• Reasoning

• Be compliant and regulatory

Be vigilant

• Lock vehicles (even at petrol stations)

• Don’t leave valuables in sight

• If going onto properties, take off expensive jewellery.

• If confronted by a potentially dangerous dog – do not make any sudden movements, give no eye contact and YAWN

• Don’t set GPS to ‘home’

Be vigilant…(cont)

• Have phone contact as I.C.E.• Take self defence classes• Keep a fire extinguisher in the car• Learn to scream• Remove your sunglasses when talking• 85% attacks on women who have their hair in plaits

or ponytails• Walk facing oncoming traffic• Avoid ATM’s

7 common strategies

1. Befriend others

2. Refuse with a smile

3. Pretend you don’t speak the language

4. Look shady yourself

5. Act unpredictable

6. Talk on the phone

7. Run away