Dealing With Dealing With Different Pilot Different Pilot PersonalitiesPersonalities

Daniel W. Zenga Ed.D,LPDaniel W. Zenga Ed.D,LP

Criticismand

Ridicule

Stressand Pain

Rejectionand

Hassles

Meaninglessand

Unimportance

Criticismand Ridicule

(Control)

At Your Best You Are

• Coordinating Activities• A Great Crisis Manager• Patient and Persevering• Loyal and Helpful• Objective

At Your Best You Are

• Well Organized• Prioritize and Plan Ahead• Assertive and Persistent• Good Leader• Fix Things for Others

At Your Worst You Are

• Trying to Control Everything

• Argue-Boss Others• Defensive• Fault Finding• Stuff Feelings

At Your Worst You Are

• Inviting Power Struggles• Catastrophizing/Overdoing• Poor Delegator• Have Lots of Rules• Refuse if Not

Given Choice

You Probably Experience

• Social or Emotional Distance

• Lack Intimacy/Spontaneity• Power Struggles

StressandPain(Comfort)

At Your Best You Are

• Going With the Flow• Express Positive Feelings• Supportive, Helpful,

Reliable• Persistent, Fun-Loving• Creative

At Your Best You Are

• Go At Your Own Pace• Ignore Conflicts• Do What You Do Well• Make Others Comfortable• Act Diplomatic/Predictable

At Your Worst You Are

• Hiding Out• Biting Other’s Heads Off• Wasting Your Talents• Staying Very Quiet• Holding Negative Things

Inside

At Your Worst You Are

• Path of Least Resistance• Make Things Harder Than

They Look• Avoid New Experiences• Avoid Taking a Risk• Avoid Discussing

Topics That Are Uncomfortable

You Probably Experience

• Lack of Productivity• Boredom• Stagnation

Rejectionand Hassles(Pleasing)

At Your Best You Are

• Accepting, Open Minded• Adaptable• Interested in Others• Good Listener• Optimistic

At Your Best You Are

• Empathetic• Make Everybody Happy• Try to Fix Everything• Volunteer• See Positives In

People

At Your Worst You Are

• Too Apologetic• Difficulty Taking a Stand• Losing Your Identity• Distrustful & Easily Hurt• Say Yes & Mean No

At Your Worst You Are

• Give In Easily• Undermine Plans of Others

When You’re Not Pleased• Sacrifice Self Instead of

Asking Others

You Probably Experience

• Lack of Self Growth• Loss of Sense of Who I Am• Loss of What Pleases Me

MeaninglessandUnimportance(Superiority)

At Your Best You Are

• Creative• Idealistic• Self Starter• Independent and Capable• Clear About What Is

Important

At Your Best You Are

• Loyal and Reliable• Try Harder and Harder• Want To Do The Best Job• Get Things Done• Direct and Blunt

At Your Worst You Are

• Know It All• Not Asking for Help/Input• Makes Others Feel Useless• Overdo-Plan to Avoid

Failure

At Your Worst You Are

• Makes Things Bigger Than They Are

• Blames Self When Things Go Wrong

• Attack When Challenged• Annoyed When Others

Don’t Listen • Question Authority

You Probably Experience

• Overworked• Overwhelmed• Exhausted• Frustrated• Feeling Disliked by Others

Clues To Identifying Control

Verbal Clues:• Negatives: No, Don’t, Won’t,

Dumb, Stupid, Never.• Bossy: Tell Everyone What To

Do.• Rule Bound: State The Rules.• Constantly Ask

Meanings/Definitions.

Clues To Identifying Control

Non-Verbal Clues:• Hesitating, Short, Jerky

Movements.• No Movement or Very

Minimal Movement.• Withdrawal or Backing

Away Movement When Approached.

Emotional Response: You Feel Challenged.

Bumper Sticker:“We’ve Got The Answer”“I Need Your Help? Not!”

“My Way Or No Way”“Don’t Worry, I’ll Do It”“ I Brake For Crises”

Clues To Identifying Comfort

Verbal Clues:• Problematic Words - Pain,

Hassle, Stress, Too Much, Heavy, Rough, Hard, Difficult.

• Talk About Comfort: Cool, Easy, Comfortable.

Clues To Identifying Comfort

Non-Verbal Clues:• Slouching.• Easy Fluid Walk.• Shrugs Shoulders or

Shakes Head.

Emotional Response: You Feel Irritated or Annoyed.

Bumper Sticker:“Forget The Gain-No Pain”

“Do Less…Less Stress”“Get Off My Tail”

“What, Me Worry?”“Go With The Flow”

Clues To Identifying Pleasing

Verbal Clues:• Emotion Carrying Words -

Like, Love, Need, Gentle, Warmth, Understanding.

• Say Yes.• Agreeable.

Clues To Identifying Pleasing

Non-Verbal Clues:• Constant Eye Contact.• Half Smile.• Immediate Forward

Movement When Called. • Nod in Agreement.

Emotional Response: You Feel Pleased

Bumper Sticker:“We Aim To Please”

“Your Pleasure Is My Pleasure”“When You Really Need Yes,

Turn To Us”“I Know What Will Make You

Happy”“Have A Nice Day!”

Clues To Identifying Superiority

Verbal Clues:• Value Judgment -

Imperatives and Qualifiers.• Ought To/Must.• Should/Have To.• Little/Lot.

Clues To Identifying Superiority

Non-Verbal Clues:• Intense Eye Contact.• Direct, Deliberate,

Forward Movement.• Attentive, Alert, Physical

Attitude.

Emotional Response: You Feel Inferior

Bumper Sticker:“I’d Rather Be Right Than

Happy”“We’re #1”

“If You Want It Done Right, Do It Yourself”

“We Know It All”

Guidelines To Being Proactive When Under Stress

Control:• Remind Yourself That You’re

Not Responsible For Everyone.

• Stop Trying To Prevent Problems You Don’t Have.

• Listen Instead of Getting Defensive.

• Delegate.

Guidelines To Being Proactive When Under Stress

Comfort:• Create a Routine for Yourself.• Show Up and Stick Around,

Even if All You Do at First is Watch.

• Speak Up, Ask Questions, or Say What You Want.

• Tell Others How You Are Feeling.

Guidelines To Being Proactive When Under Stress

Pleasing:• Be More Honest/Say What You

Mean.• Say No and Mean It.• It’s Not All About You.• Spend Time Alone and Give

Up Trying To Please Everyone.• Ask for Help/Another

Perspective.

Guidelines To Being Proactive When Under Stress

Superiority:• Give Credit to Yourself &

Others.• Look at What You Have

Instead of What You Don’t Have.

• Show An Interest In Others.• Create Balance in Your Life –

Nutrition, Exercise, Friendships, Spirituality, Self.

Control: Encouraging/Motivating

• Be careful of feedback.• They over prepare because if

something isn’t organized, they feel overwhelmed.

• If you observe something, acknowledge it without judgment.

• Create routines for them- hold them accountable.

Comfort: Encouraging/Motivating

• Give them lots of information.• Appreciate them.• Be supportive and encouraging.• Don’t pressure them into

something. • Don’t catch them by surprise. • Don’t try to get them out of denial. • The worst thing we can do is take

charge.

Pleasing: Encouraging/Motivating

• Don’t take advantage of them. • Keep your promises. • Apologize for not appreciating

them. • Show interest in them/Be

specific.• Give them space & time alone.• When they act like brats

(pout), tease them instead of attacking them.

Superiority: Encouraging/Motivating

• Remind them everyone makes mistakes and that a mistake is not the end of the world.

• Use your sense of humor and lighten up the situation.

• Compliment them and show appreciation. Be sincere.

• Don’t try to help or fix them.

Superiority: Encouraging/Motivating

• If they say NO, that’s it. • Don’t get too serious with

them when they are being overly serious. Be respectful.

• If they are being rude or self centered, tell them so.

As teachers, parents, spouse/partner, employers or simply as human beings, our success in life depends on our ability to quickly assess the motivations and intentions of others. We generally cannot make people do what we want, we can only “suggest” a course of action to them. If our suggestion “makes sense” to the person, we may influence the course of their actions. On the other hand, if our suggestions do not make sense to them, we will be ignored.

Dr. William McKelvie