de-escalation techniques and communication skills for the
TRANSCRIPT
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De-Escalation Techniques and Communication Skillsfor the
Workplace Professional
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De-Escalation Techniques &
Communication Skills For The Workplace
Professional
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Program Goals
•Develop effective communications skills
•Design de-escalation strategies
•Defuse hostile encounters
•Develop strategic responses for:
– When diffusion is ineffective or
– Not the appropriate option.
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• Identify physiological changes that occur when
individuals become hostile or angry.
• Learn the cognitive limitations when people
become hostile or angry and how to address it.
• Learn communication skills to de-escalate and
defuse hostile encounters.
• Learn methods to re-direct the thought process
for de-escalation.
Program Units
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What Feeds Anger/Fear
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Our Fears
•Ego Fed
•Loss of Control
•Unknown
•Contempt of “US”
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Benefits of Communication Skills
• Enhances a Safe Environment
• Enhances Professionalism
• Reduces Hostility
• Increase Support from Customer
• Minimize Litigation
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What is Communication?• The exchange of thoughts, messages, or information,
i.e., speech, signals, writing, or behavior.
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Four Communication Skills
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Nonverbal
Speaking
Listening
Thinking
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What is Interpersonal Communication ?• Communication that takes place between two or more
individuals on a personal, face-to-face level.
• Ping Pong
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PERCEPTIONS OF HUMAN BEHAVIOR
• Identify ways to improve observation skills
• Pay attention
• Look for external signs/clues
• Avoid letting preconceived ideas (+/-) taint your
visual evaluation
• Avoid letting personal prejudices/biases influence
your perception of an individual11
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Basic Behavior Skills in
Interpersonal Communications
• Eye Contact
• Body Posture
• Body Movement
• Gestures/Facial Expressions
• Dress/Appearance
• Voice/Vocal Variety
• Language/Non-Words
• Humor 12
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NON-VERBAL COMMUNICATION
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• FACIAL EXPRESSION
• TONE OF VIOCE
• MOVEMENT
• EYE CONTACT
• JESTURES
• POSTURE
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“Non-verbal cues can account for
approximately 90% of the
meaning transmitted between
persons during face to
face contact.”
Verbal & Non-VerbalCommunication
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Paraverbal MessagesHow we say the words:
• What is perceived & understood
• Using tone, pitch, & pacing of our voice
• Angry & excited? = rapid & high pitched
• Feeling Bored? = monotone
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Nonverbal MessagesOur body language:
• Accounts for what is perceived & understood
• Facial expression, postures & gestures
• Primary way we communicate emotions
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• Speak plainly using proper grammar
• Check your vocal qualities
• Avoid using slang
• NEVER use profanity
• ALWAYS address persons by “Sir”, “Ma’am” or by Name
SPEAKING STRATEGIES
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HOW IMPORTANT ISNON-VERBAL COMMUNICATION
• Carries most of the meaning of message
• Tells us how to interpret what is said
• Helps communicate certain emotions/attitudes
• Helps support verbal communications
• Helps control our conversations
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Personal Space
• How close we stand to people conveys non-verbal
Communication?
What is appropriate?
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NON-VERBAL COMMUNICATION• Open body positions often signal a listener’s understanding
and acceptance of the topic
• Steepled fingers: Confidence / Pointed
• Open hands/arms: Acceptance
• Calm facial features: Understanding
• Leaning forward: Signal of interest
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Physical Vs Words
• Using “open hand” or “empty hand” Techniques
• As you learn better communications, you will
learn the gentle way of persuasion.
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Persuasion • The first principle is not to resist your opponent.
• Instead, move with them and redirect his energy; ignoring or dismissing a question is the same as resisting it.
• It is important to always answer the questions rather than dismiss them. • By doing so gives you the chance to educate a
person and win their respect.
• It will also provide a deeper understanding so they won’t go away angry.
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The Sucker Punches of Life
• One of the most dangerous weapons you carry is:
• Your tongue- it can fire off words that can ruin you.
• The body can usually recover from physical blows:
• However, emotional wounds from words are likely to
remain in memory forever.
• Learning to take “it” with dignity and style takes training.
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Learning to take “it”
•With practice, you can learn to take insults with so much
finesse, that they either disappear or never touch you.
•As the Confucian philosopher, Sun-Tzu, said; “To win
one hundred victories and one hundred battles is not the
highest skill, to subdue the enemy without fighting is the
highest skill.”
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Empathy
• The ability to sense how another thinks and feels
although we have no knowledge of the STATE OF MIND
of the others.
• We can often perceive their thoughts and feelings by
using Empathy.
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Empathize• Empathizing essentially means standing in the shoes of
another or seeing through their eyes.
• You do not have to agree with that person to be empathetic.
• Do not confuse empathy with sympathy.
• You do not have to approve of another person’s actions or
words.
• Don’t expect voluntary compliance just because you have a
position of authority or responsibility.
• “The angry man will defeat himself in battle as well as in
life”. Sun Tzu
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Habit of Mind
• Most people aren’t taught to deal with insults.
• Natural response is defensive, this causes confrontation.
• An ancient master was quoted “When man throws spear of insult at head, move head! Spear miss target, leave man empty handed. Spear in wall, not in you”.
• Much better than “sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me” because the latter isn’t true.
• Insults wound deeply if we do not deflect them.
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Habit of Mind• A samurai’s state of mind in war is called:
• Mushin- defined as the still center, or the ability to stay calm.
• If you cannot control yourself then you can not keep a still center, or control the situation
• The English word closest to the idea of Mushin is “impartial”.
• Open, flexible and non-biased are great traits for anyone, but are also a great trait of a communicator.
• A closed mind misreads people and makes terrible errors.
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Principles of Impartiality
• Always maintain your professional face and
professionalism.
• Always treat people as you would want to be treated,
golden rule.
• Distinguish between reasonable and severe resistance.
• Every verbal encounter is unique.
• Do not assume.
• Control and counter; don’t become a victim of them.
• Use adrenaline. Never be ruled by it.
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Principles of Impartiality
• Respond to people, never react.
• Flexibility = strength; rigidity = weakness.
• The rigid mind breaks under pressure.
• You want to be like the willow tree.
• Avoid depersonalization, allow people to save face.
• Address people by name.
• Use positive feedback when you least feel like it.
• There is no reason to put people down.
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Work on you first!
Remember the only person you can directly control is yourself.
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Pre – Frontal Cortex
Limbic System
Emotions
Logical Thought
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Oxygen to the Brain
When conflict begins•Breathing becomes shallow and rapid.
• It’s inefficient and lowers the
oxygen content in the angry
persons blood.
•With less oxygenated blood in the brain,
the person will become irritable,
impulsive and confused.
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What do you want to accomplish?• Taking charge of YOUR body.
• Breathing
• Redirecting the thought process to activate different parts
of the brain to diffuse the fight or flight response
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Learning to take “it”
•Learning to deal with verbal attacks is to acknowledge that
it’s happening.
•Step Two: Is to admit that it is being flung at you.
• Once that is done, congratulate yourself, its okay to be
questioned, heckled or even attacked.
• If you are willing to take it, you should be commended.
• The only way to avoid criticism is either to live in a capsule or
spend your whole life trying to please everyone.36
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The Nice, the Difficult and the Agitator
Nice people;
• The majority and will cooperate
The Difficult People
• Ask why and want answers
Agitator
• The toughest of them all is the agitator
• Hides
• Instigates the Difficult People
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A Most Important DistinctionRespect
• Difference between the word REspect and respect.
• REspect is what we have to show all people at all times.
• However, we cannot respect people who prey on others.
• This is difficult to do and a fine line to draw
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A Most Important DistinctionRespect
• In Latin, RE means “to give back”.
• As in what you want under identical conditions.
• Always treat the other as you would want to be treated.
• Even if they are not worthy of your respect.
• If we disrespect others, put them down in front of others, or make them feel bad, we lose our power and create more enemies.
• We lose our professional face.
• No longer a warrior of words; now part of the problem.
• REspect to all with dignity, pride, and assertiveness.
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• Listening is Not a natural act, it’s a highly complex skill.
• It is not the opposite of talking, it’s artificial and artistic.
• Being open and unbiased
• Hearing literally
• Interpreting the data
• Acting
• When you listen, you have to look like you’re listening.
Project a face that makes it obvious. The moment your
eyes glaze over as if you’re uninterested or don’t care,
conflict can erupt.
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A Great Communication Art: Listening
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Basic Stages of Listening Model
• Sensing
• Interpretation
• Evaluation
• Respond42
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Factors That Influence Listening
• Personality
• Stress/Anxiety
• Intelligence
• Speaker’s reputation
• Visibility of speaker
• Agreement with the speaker
• Environment (noise, etc.)
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Barriers to Listening
• Prejudging as uninteresting or irrelevant
• Rehearsing the response
• Criticizing the speaker’s delivery
• Getting over-stimulated by some point in the speech
• Listening only for facts
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Things Not to Say to Anyone
• YOU WOULDN’T UNDERSTAND /BECAUSE THOSE ARE THE RULES
• IT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS
• WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO ABOUT IT?
• WHAT’S YOUR PROBLEM?
• YOU NEVER OR YOU ALWAYS
• I’M NOT GOING TO SAY THIS AGAIN
• I’M DOING THIS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD
• WHY DON’T YOU BE REASONABLE?
• CALM DOWN or RELAX
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Obtaining Cooperation
• Greeting
• Identification of yourself and your agency/position/company
• Reason you are there
• Justification (their justification)
• Clarification (who they are)
• Decision (yours)
• Close (is there anything else that I can help you with today?)
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Obtaining Cooperation
• Explanations of protocols, policies, procedures, actions and tools.
• A true professional who is acting appropriately will never be ashamed to identify who they are and who they work for.
• There may be a hundred ways to calm people but the bottom line is empathy absorbs tension.
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Effective Listening Characteristics
• Listen Actively
• Listen for total meaning
• Listen with empathy
• Listen with an open mind
• Listen critically
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Effective Listening Characteristics
• Avoid getting mentally side-tracked
• Listen for key ideas and summarize
• Ask questions
• Take notes, if convenient
• Plan to report what you hear
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Basic Benefits of Listening• Reduces tension
• Can win friends
• Solves problems for other people
• Leads to better cooperation from other people
• Helps you make better decisions
• Helps you do a better job
• If we listen before we speak, it can prevent potential trouble
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Sword of Insertion• Paraphrasing is a powerful verbal tool.
• Put simply, use the words of the person delivering it’s meaning back
to them.
• When spoken earnestly and not in anger, the phrase “Wait a second”
becomes the sword.
• The ultimate empathetic sentence is powerful enough to allow you to
interrupt anyone without the fear of bodily harm;
• “Let me be sure I heard what you said”.
• In essence, what you are saying is that you are trying to understand them
and that you want to be sure that you are on the same wavelength.
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Using the “WE” approach
“We have to calm down so we can focus on
how we’re going to resolve it.”
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Teaming
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Blending
Blending reduces the differences between you
and the other party working towards a common
ground.
Blending can be accomplished through:
• Facial expressions
• Body posturing
• Tone of voice and speed
• Hand motions
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