Croydon U3A Magazine

Spring 2019

The Third Age Trust (Operating as the University of the Third Age)

Croydon U3A Reg. Charity No. 102946612

Website address www.u3asites.org.uk/croydon

Table of Contents Editorial Books and Reading (Chairman’s Message) Shared Learning Projects General Meeting Talks

So far so good! Tall Ship Sailing

Groups Historic Visits Historic Visits: City Churches ‘In Front of the Picture’ - Art Appreciation Creative Writing Looking at London (South Croydon) Talk on the Lancaster Bomber -Science and Technology Group Walking Group pictures

Stories The Operation My Uncle Harry

Delayed flight to Malaga Guangzhou Creative writing – From ‘F in Exams’ Crete Favourite Sayings Answers to My Uncle Harry Favourite Shakespeare Quotes

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3 – 4

5 - 7 7 – 8

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10 - 12 12 – 14

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17 - 20

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22 23 - 24 24 - 25 25 - 28

29 29 - 31 31 - 32

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Cover Picture – The walking group at their lunch stop on walk from Tottenham Hale to Olympic Park, Stratford, mid-February

(more pictures on page 21)

Editorial We have some notable contributions in this issue. Not many of us would think of taking a tour and taxi ride in a Lancaster Bomber. John Wilson’s experience strengthened his admiration for the courage of the men of Bomber Command. (During the Second World War, 55,573 were killed out of a total aircrew of 125,000.)

Glenn Morfill has shared with us previous ‘senior moments’ What he relates here is more like ‘senior bravery’, though his action had unexpected consequences.

I think I could apply for the record of ‘most prolonged senior moment’. It took me two months to realise that the car I’d bought lacked a parcel shelf. Perhaps the salesman was equally embarrassed, since he provided one swiftly.

As the years roll by, the sending of Christmas Cards becomes more and more a venture of faith. Those former neighbours, whom we have not seen for 40 years – are they still around? Yes! Here comes a card from them, so they are still in the land of the living, like us. That former colleague – should I cease sending him a card? No, he might appreciate it, and even a short letter. Look at the situation in reverse. Might we not feel saddened, even hurt, if we were deleted from a former acquaintance’s Christmas Card list?

Following Jenny’s suggestion in January’s Bulletin, I received a number of favourite sayings. This issue includes a selection, together with some from Shakespeare.

We all appreciate the various contributions to the Magazine. Contributions for the Summer issue by 12 June, please. Do keep them coming!

Enjoy the Spring, whatever the weather!

Gordon Thynne

Picture Credit: Oliver Dixon (Creative Commons SA from geography.org.uk)

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Books and Reading World Book Day was on 7 March. For weeks previously many retail outlets had a huge selection of character costumes. I do feel sad that for many parents and children the day has become a fancy dress affair. We have heard recently how much bedtime story reading to young children has declined in the last ten years, and how the percentage of teenagers who read regularly has dropped too. With regard to the latter statistic, I do think we have to factor in the knowledge that they ARE reading – on their devices – even if we think that’s somehow inferior. But small children who haven’t mastered the skill and are not read to regularly, have a tough time ahead.

I do believe that being able to escape into a book (it doesn’t have to be a print version), being comfortable in a library, knowing how to research something well, rather than believe the first source that pops up out of thousands, are all such valuable life skills. Bookshops are fantastic places and many now have areas where people can browse and taste before they buy.

I also have to point out that my sister and I have no memory of being read to by our parents. We were bought a weekly comic – mine was Bunty for years – but that was about it. My granddaughters like their ‘magazines’ (no comics for them). The periodicals are chosen according to the ‘free’ gifts displayed on the front – normally some cheap plastic toy or jewellery, and they all seem to cost a mere £5!!!!

So, what is your favourite book of all time? What book were you forced to read at school that you hated? Which books would you have on the curriculum, or would you let the teachers decide? Do you prefer to read fiction or non-fiction, or a bit of both? Do you like e-books? Charles Darwin used to cut heavy books down the spine to make them easier to handle in smaller sections. Have you ever lent a book and never had it returned? Or worse, borrowed one and not returned it? Currently there are hundreds of books banned in Kuwait – sometimes because of the content and sometimes because they contain a banned word, like breast, even if the story refers to a chicken breast. I am so glad I live here.

Keep reading.

Jenny Wilson, Chairman

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Shared Learning Partnerships

The Committee are looking at a concept known as Shared Learning Partnerships (SLPs), which are probably familiar to you from the pages of the U3A national magazine. The purpose of this article is to give everyone an introduction to the topic and to ask those interested in joining a project to let me know.

In case you have not heard about SLPs here are some brief details.

An SLP can take different forms but the more usual ones are:

Our members offering assistance to an outside organisation that would like to research a specific topic, but lacks the resources to carry it out. Examples might be a local history group (including a museum) or a National Trust property.

An outside organisation conducting research for which we could act as subjects, such as research into the ageing process.

Our members conducting research into the U3A itself, analysing our current membership, or looking at how we could attract new members etc.

U3A groups who want to reach a wider audience by, for example, writing and publishing material on their interests.

A common theme is that all SLPs take place over a specified period, typically around three months, involve regular meetings to plan the work, review progress, analyse the results and write the end product.

There are (at least!) two benefits to SLPs:

The first is simply the enjoyment of being involved in a project that has a purpose, and ends up with a defined product that is actually of use to someone

The second is the satisfaction in increasing your personal knowledge of a topic that you genuinely enjoy.

All this depends on your interest and willingness to become involved and acquire new skills – and isn’t that exactly what the U3A is all about?

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We have identified two projects where we could offer help, and initial details are below.

MUSEUM OF CROYDON To mark the 80th anniversary of the outbreak of World War II the Museum of Croydon are joining in a project with the Imperial War Museum in London. They are planning various events and are interested in working with us, and one strand is evacuation from Croydon. I appreciate that this is not very precise, but if some people are interested in joining in we can set up a meeting with the Museum. In view of the time scale we need to act fairly fast!

LAYERS OF LONDON This is a project led by the Centre for Metropolitan History in London. It is a platform, which publishes work by individuals or organisations such as U3A. It covers both local topics (for example, theatres in Croydon) and more general themes such as public health. The Layers of London team will be happy to offer guidance, advice and training on where suitable material can be found, how to get it ready for publication and how to upload it onto the site. As you can see, this is pretty wide ranging, and offers many opportunities for learning different skills or using existing ones.

In both these areas volunteers would be welcome and once we have established a team we will discuss with our contacts in the outside organisations the best way to take things forward.

If this gets your interest please contact me or any member of the committee and I will assist you in getting your own SLP off the ground.

Roger Brimble

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Reports from General Meetings

General Meeting 13 February 2019: So far so good!

What are your career options when your exam results are just GCSE music and grade 8 cello? This was the question facing Malcolm Wells on finishing school in Swindon.

A conversation at the rehearsals for the National Youth Orchestra provided an unexpected answer. “Join the Army”. So Malcolm enlisted to join the Army Corps of Music and the symphony orchestra which had been run by the Army since 1762. (Now known as the Countess of Wessex’s String Orchestra its history includes giving the premier of Dvorak’s Symphony “From the New World”.)

Malcolm was the speaker at the General Meeting on 13th February, telling us all about his eventful Army career. His talk covered the occasions when he played as an army musician and the operational roles he played in Northern Ireland and Kuwait.

As a principal cellist he played for royal occasions including in a string quartet for Charles and Diana, and in the music provided for the Queen’s banquet for other European monarchs. The music selected for that occasion had included short pieces from each of the countries of the visiting monarchs but the selection had also included a suite from the musical Hans Christian Anderson to represent Denmark. Malcolm told us that while other kept their composure, Princess Diana was in fits of giggles as they reached “The King was in the Altogether”.

As preparation for tours of duty in Northern Ireland, the musicians went on a 12 week course in army paramedic skills. Malcolm told us that he completed three tours and that for him the worst feature was that they were accommodated in the Maze Prison at six to a cell. This level of over-crowding meant they spent as much time as possible on extra patrols.

In England the orchestra was based at Woolwich Barracks. It was here that Malcolm started his involvement in voluntary work, regularly visiting a respite care facility for families of disabled children in Eltham, which was used by the family which ran his “local” – the Village Blacksmith. This was a personal commitment which Malcolm kept up for 18 years.

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A round of defence cuts lead the Army to decide that its string orchestra players should also train in wind instruments to be able to take on more engagements. The cellists learned saxophone and clarinet. One memorable engagement from this period was to play for an international football match at Wembley. The band struck up with the Match of the Day theme as the live broadcast started, which was unfortunate as the match was on ITV. Their other role was to play the national anthems and they played the full version of the Brazilian anthem – at over seven minutes this meant that the TV schedule went over time - trashing the advertising breaks and delaying News at 10.

During the First Gulf War Malcolm’s unit trained to put up a 160 bed field hospital in the desert. In practice they got this down to 16 hours. Arriving in Saudi they found that the war was starting earlier than expected and they achieved getting the hospital up and running from its shipping container in 9 hours. Malcolm was sent to a 20 bed forward unit which he described as just like M.A.S.H. including the 300 – 400 yard dashes to the helicopter landing zone (any closer and the downdraft would have caused havoc).

It was here that they were the recipients of a near miss by an unexploded SCUD missile. The advice eventually sought on what to do with it suggested placing sandbags around it while waiting for the bomb disposal unit. But, while there was no shortage of sand, bags were not readily available.

Malcolm also told us about a band engagement for a George Cross Anniversary in Malta. Again the best laid plans hit a snag when the finale of a trumpeter playing the Last Post from a boat in Valetta Harbour was swamped at the key moment by the wake of a passing cruiser.

At the end of his enlistment Malcolm was asked to work on setting up a band for the Royal Electrical and Mechanical Engineers in Portsmouth. The nearest available married quarters was in Chichester with the Royal Military Police. At this point Malcolm was told that he was to receive the M.B.E. citing his charity work in Eltham. To go to the Palace for the investiture Malcolm sought advice on which uniforms to wear – ending up in one representing his units in Woolwich, Portsmouth and Chichester and therefore a mass of ceremonial bits and pieces. Maybe this was why during the wait before the ceremony he was approached by June Whitfield, who was also receiving an honour, for directions to the powder room!

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In Chichester, Malcolm arranged a fund-raiser in 1999 for the local hospice based on a charity preview screening of the latest James Bond movie. The evening sold out and raised £9,500 before the distributors announced the movie’s title – Die Another Day.

This fundraiser brought Malcolm to the attention of the charity Canine Partners and he worked as a voluntary speaker publicising this charity, which trains assistance dogs, for the next 15 years. Now Malcolm is a volunteer speaker for another charity, Literacy in a Box, sponsored by a local Rotary Club. This charity sends boxes of school supplies to support education in schools in countries such as Zambia. The full details of what this charity does are on the website http://literacyboxtrust.org.uk/thebox.html.

Barbara Lister

General Meeting 13 March 2019: Tall Ships Sailing

Judith Spencer-Gregson talked to the Meeting about the Jubilee Sailing Trust, set up just over forty years ago to give people of all ages and degrees of ability the experience of sailing in a tall ship.

The Trust has built two ‘barques’: Lord Nelson and Tenacious. They are each three-masted ships, the main and fore masts square-rigged, the ‘mizzen’ (aftmost mast) rigged fore and aft. Their home base is Southampton, and many cruises are from there. But the Lord Nelson has sailed around the world, taking on board sailors from overseas. In 2014 Judith joined the Lord Nelson for a 42 day cruise from Brazil to Nova Scotia.

Picture: Lord Nelson and Tenacious with permission from the Trust.

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The ships were designed with disabled people in mind. There are lifts, hoists, adapted toilets, a talking compass (for those with no, or poor, sight). A volunteer ‘Buddy’ acts as companion to a disabled person. The Lord Nelson can accommodate 36, together with a permanent crew of 9. Everyone helps with the sailing.

The crew is divided into watches. Participation ranges from setting sails, steering, lookouts, cleaning ship (known as ‘happy hour’), and galley duties. All are encouraged to climb the masts and to go out on the yards (always safely clipped on). But there is no compulsion. Wheelchairs can be hoisted to a mast platform.

A cruise is not all work. There are games on board, entertainment, and sight-seeing in ports.

The Trust is a charity, dependent on donation of funds. Both ships visit London from time to time, when visitors are welcome to go on board. The website is: www.jst.org.uk . You can go on a ‘virtual tour’.

Judith concluded by reminding us what a lot of words in everyday speech have a maritime origin, for example: ‘by and large’, ‘chock-a-block ‘; ‘even keel’; ‘groggy’; ‘high and dry’; ‘a square meal’ (sailors had square, wooden dishes); ‘taken aback’.

Gordon Thynne

[Tenacious May 2002]

Groups

Historic visits

We are a group who like visiting any site with an interesting history – within the London area or further afield, including castles, museums and their historic collections, churches, etc. Outside the usual monthly trips, some of the group have diversified and attended, for instance, an organised 4 day study break on medieval churches of East Anglia, a stay in Newcastle visiting sites along Hadrian’s Wall, and a short break in Bath focussing on the Roman sites. Others have even ventured as far as Turkey and Sicily to see historic sites!

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The regular monthly trips are planned a year ahead at our planning meeting and lunch in December, which does of course sometimes mean there have to be alterations to the timetable through the year as members’ arrangements change, but we have rarely needed to cancel a trip completely.

All outings and itineraries are planned to be accessible by public transport and it has become a challenge to find out how far we can travel on a day trip to see a city and its historic buildings – the most distant so far have included Canterbury, Colchester, Cambridge, Peterborough, Winchester and Salisbury. This year’s trips are as varied in content and distance as in past years – museums, historic houses, cities, etc.

We started this year with a group visit to the British Library for the Anglo-Saxons Exhibition, which was of particular interest to those of us who are also studying and researching early medieval history. The exhibition brought together a wonderful collection of manuscripts, illuminated bibles and gospel books from the 5th century onwards – original pieces of evidence for the history, literature and art of the early English kingdoms – some of which have never been exhibited before. Having a personal interest in geology, the British Library building itself is of interest as it incorporates a variety of building stones and rocks, indoors and outdoors, from different sources. The fossil-filled limestones were very noticeable indoors, but unfortunately the January day was too cold to linger outside to investigate there in detail.

After lunch, we walked to the Canal Museum, just a short distance away, and were fortunate to arrive in time for a short talk on the history of the building and its relevance to the nearby Regents Canal. It is quite amazing to discover how the canal and the buildings alongside have been redeveloped and transformed in recent years. Perhaps the ‘backs’ of King’s Cross might even one day rival those of Cambridge!

We are now looking forward to our tour of the Royal Albert Hall and a visit to the V&A’s new Cast Courts and the Medieval Galleries, and further ahead to planned trips to Cambridge, Amersham, Farnham and other localities.

Jenny Parry

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London City Churches with the Historic Visits Group

Last October’s Historic Visits Group outing was led by Ann Turnor, who specialises in churches in the City of London.

On this occasion, she took us to several churches which had disappeared (usually in the Blitz), all except the tower or part of the church. New uses for these buildings included residential and commercial, and some had gardens where the rest of the church had been. Many city churches were completely destroyed in the Great Fire of London in 1666, and around 50 of these were replaced by new buildings designed by Sir Christopher Wren. The steeple was often added a number of years later.

We also entered other churches which were ‘all there’, and where there was, of course, a lot more to see. St Giles-without-Cripplegate has a bust of John Milton (he was buried there), and connections with Shakespeare. St Vedast, Foster Lane, has a wine glass pulpit - this describes its shape, rather than how the preacher lubricated himself whilst preaching!

Some of the stained glass windows and ceilings were wonderful, and in the churchyard of St Botolph’s Aldersgate there is a celebration of people who had given their lives saving the lives of others – a series of boards giving details of the events. Many were a very long time ago, but we saw one which occurred in 2007. St Botolph is the patron saint of travellers and there are several St Botolph churches just outside where the city walls stood.

Michael Barbour

Picture: St Augustine’s Watling Street and St Paul’s

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Pictures - St Botolph’s Aldersgate - view from the gallery and detail of the ceiling and organ.

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Pictures: Stained glass window at St Sepulchre and wine glass pulpit at St Vedast

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'In Front of the Picture' – Art Appreciation Group visit to The National Gallery.

This lively group has been running for over twenty years. Every few months we visit a gallery to see some of the paintings the group has studied in our slide talks. In November fifteen of us visited the early Renaissance Wing of The National Gallery and discovered how varied these works can be. Luckily, this very popular gallery was relatively quiet – potential visitors occupied elsewhere with shopping no doubt! We were able, therefore, to spend time talking about several major paintings including those by Leonardo da Vinci and Jan Van Eyck.

It was particularly interesting to see how frames affected the actual images. A few famous pictures looked darker and less detailed than on a highly illuminated digital slide with “zoom” facilities.

The Group agreed that a guided tour really enhanced their appreciation of art by discussing the actual work. We are so lucky to have world-famous galleries on the doorstep and are planning which gallery to visit this Spring.

Philippa Bassett

Some pictures from the National Gallery – with permission from the Gallery

Venus and Mars - Sandro Botticelli 1480

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The Arnolfini Marriage - Jan van Eyck 1434

The Virgin of the Rocks - Leonardo da Vinci 1508

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Creative Writing Group

Does the idea of the Creative Writing Group put you off as too intellectual, too demanding? It shouldn’t. It meets once a month, principally to share with members one’s attempt at a short story on a suggested theme.

In February, the theme was Discovery. Just think, for a moment, how you might tackle it. What words crop up in your mind as associated with ‘discovering’? For example:

buried treasure something you had lost a detective following clues aspects of your character a missing child the solution to a problem

At the meeting, one story was about a man who found himself in London, but had forgotten who he was. How would he find his way home? (When he did, he was met by a reproachful wife.) Another member recalled discoveries made on holiday in Dorset. Another reflected on the ‘discovering’ approach to education, akin to the approach of the U3A. Another was stimulated by the mystery of a great-great grandfather who had drowned. Suicide or an accident? Could the truth be established after 150 years?

You don’t have to regard yourself as a ‘writer’ to have a go at writing. You don’t have to have a superlative imagination – you can draw on your memories, your fancies. You don’t have to be a wide reader. You just have to be curious about where your abilities can lead you.

The Group meets on the afternoon of the fourth Tuesday of the month, normally at a member’s home. The atmosphere is friendly and cooperative. You could give it a try!

Gordon Thynne

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Looking at London (South Croydon) Group

Our group has between thirty and forty active members at any time. We meet in St Matthew's church hall on the first Monday afternoon in most months and have a speaker or other entertainment with a cuppa and biscuits. Normally about twenty five members attend and we have the opportunity to sign up for forthcoming outings. There are about twenty outings over the year and they can be on any day of the week, not just Mondays.

The outings can cover just about any aspect of London and its life past, present or even future. Among the most memorable are the past glories of the wonderful Whitechapel Bell Foundry which we were very fortunate to visit just before it unexpectedly closed after five hundred years of production. We even saw the original mouldings for Big Ben! Very much in the present, we had a behind the scenes tour of the Royal Opera House in Covent Garden. A personal favourite of mine was our trip to the futuristic ‘Crystal’ building (west end of Royal Victoria Dock) for an interactive exhibition about the city which may be to come. This was followed by a cable car ride on a beautiful day over the river to the O2.

The only common factors on the outings are a friendly sociable atmosphere and a lunch!

I am particularly pleased that we now have half a dozen members who plan and lead the outings and another half dozen who arrange for speakers, provide the refreshments, collect subscriptions towards hall hire and speakers’ fees, keep the accounts and help in other ways. It is a real team effort.

The group is flourishing and we are delighted with a steady stream of new members several of whom now help run the group. We can at the time of writing still squeeze in a few more and there is no need to be able to come on the outings in order to join us. Just give me a call on 0208 681 6805.

Terry Cove

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Science & Technology Group

A talk on the Lancaster Bomber by John Wilson

In August last year I visited East Kirkby, Lincolnshire, the largest Bomber Command Museum in the country. I had booked to have a taxi ride around the airfield, sitting in the rear gun turret of a restored Lancaster.

The Lancaster was designed by Roy Chadwick, Chief Designer for A V Roe & Co Ltd. It entered service on 24th December 1941. The air frame cost £45,000 to £50,000, depending on specification. The Merlin engines were another £2,000 each. They were expected to produce 1,700 HP but never achieved this. Merlin XX for the Mark 1

Lancaster produced 1,280 HP. The inner port engine supplied the hydraulic drive for the landing gear and the gun turrets. The German night fighters became aware of this and went for it every time. If it was knocked out, the plane was defenceless. To overcome this, the different production units assigned a different engine as the hydraulics source.

At one stage they fitted the rear turret with track laying radar, to detect and track incoming night fighters. Then a strange thing happened. One dark, wet night a German night fighter landed at Northolt air base. It was found to have a radio tuned to the rear gun turret radar frequency, so they were using it to aid homing in on the Lancasters. The radar was rapidly discontinued!

My impression was that it was hard enough to move around the aircraft on the ground. Imagine it falling out of the sky and you were trying to get out! To enter, you sit on floor and pull on the handles in the roof and slide into the turret.

View rear to gun turret

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The rear gunners’ parachute is on the left of the fuselage. If he had to bail out he had to centre the turret, get out backwards, put on the parachute, get back into the turret, rotate it 90 degrees and fall out backwards. That’s if all the hydraulics were working and before the aircraft hit the ground!

Going forward, following the blue trousers we arrive at the navigator’s position. Facing us is a ‘GEE’ set, the readings from which were transposed to a chart on the table, just visible bottom left. All was surrounded by a thick black curtain to avoid light leakage.

The next station is the Radio Operator: real luxury, with a window on both sides. Communications to base were by Morse, and to planes in the sortie by voice. Communications were kept to a minimum. The Germans would be listening for transmissions and home in on them.

Each engine had a complete set of instruments, so it looks a lot. Entry to front turret and bomb aimer’s position was down the hole on the bottom right.

The pilot’s view.

Dambusters’ Raid

The Lancaster's first iconic raid, the ‘Dambusters’ (Code named ‘Operation Chastise’), was on 16 May 1943. The original plan was to form an élite squadron from volunteers who had done 10 or more sorties. This did not happen. Instead the most experienced had done 3 trips, some 2 or 1, but for many it was to be their first combat mission.

The plan was for 19 planes in 3 waves to attack 3 dams. The planned routes: 1st and 3rd waves from Scampton to Southern Holland; 2nd wave Scampton across North Sea to Northern Holland. Note the long expanse of water the routes took. Fatal if using dead reckoning!

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The Mohne and Eder dams were breached, but at a very high price. Altimeters of the period were barometric, and didn’t work below 1000-500 feet. The plan was to fly at 250 feet in the dark. Some planes crashed after hitting power lines. Of the 19 taking part, 8 did not return. 53 men died, and 3 were taken prisoner. The hope was that the raid would cripple the German war effort. Unfortunately it had little effect, and all the damage was repaired in three months.

Navigation

By 1942 navigation, based on ‘dead reckoning’, had hardly improved since WW1. If you could not spot a river, canal or railway line, you had a problem. If you could not see the ground, it was best to go home. On the night of the Dambusters’ raid a strong cross wind was blowing, so when the planes got to Holland, they flew over areas which should have been avoided, resulting in being attacked and shot down.

In March 1942 the ‘GEE’ radio navigation aid was introduced.

Two transmitter stations far apart, e.g. in Kent and Cornwall, transmitted synchronised pulsed signals. From the relationship between these pulses received in the aircraft it was possible to calculate your position, to within one mile over western Germany.

In December 1942 a more accurate system was introduced called ‘OBOE’. It used a ‘Transponder’, a device that picked up a pulse signal from a ground station and immediately returned it. By accurately measuring the times taken to get returns to ground stations A and B, it was possible to calculate the range of the aircraft from A and B. Knowing the location of A & B, the exact position of the aircraft could be calculated. A ground controller gave location and any corrections to the navigator to arrive on target. Initially only one aircraft could be controlled, and the ‘Path Finder’ squadrons were born. The ‘GEE-H’ system was introduced, enabling up to 80 aircraft to be controlled simultaneously.

Bomb Aiming

The bomb sight had an analogue computer. The aimer entered altitude, speed and heading. In later versions the computer was connected directly to the flight instrumentation. A set of switches selected which bombs to be dropped.

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In the bomb sight, a precision made glass plate above a mini projector, a green dot was projected onto the glass. Looking through it the dot represented the bombs’ landing place. The bomb aimer could now guide the aircraft till the green dot was right on the target, press the button and call ‘bombs away!’

Bombs

The Lancaster could carry a range of bombs, from flares and incendiaries to High Explosives including the ‘Tall Boy Bomb’ (‘Earth Quake Bomb’) of 12,000 lbs. It made a crater 80ft deep and 200ft wide, hence its name. Only one could be carried due to its size. The most famous conquest was the ‘Tirpitz’ battleship.

The ‘Grand Slam’ bomb was 22,000lbs, with a length of 26.5ft. Due to its size and weight, the aircraft had to be lightened, i.e. all gun turrets and other unnecessary equipment removed. Even so the plane could only just make 15,000ft, and it was completely defenceless! Crews were under strict instructions to bring the bomb back if they could not hit their targets. In today’s monetary terms, they cost £1.6 million each. They were specifically designed to attack submarine Pens, piercing 20ft of reinforced concrete and exploding inside. The Americans were sceptical about it. Not until the Pens were overrun by ground troops, was it found that the interior had been totally destroyed.

VC’s numerous were won by members of Bomber Command, some utterly amazing, like the crew member who climbed outside with a fire extinguisher in an attempt to put out a wing fire at 20,000 ft. He fell off but was the only crew member to survive. All showed heroism and in many cases self-sacrifice to save others. I came away with admiration for everyone who did it for real.

John Wilson

[John’s talk to the Science and Tenchology Group, of which he is Leader, gave much more detail about the Dambusters’ Raid – Editor]

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Walking Group

Pictures from the Friday walks.

Tree with trainers at Hampton Wick, seen by Walking Group in mid-January

River Lea Navigation in mid-February

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Stories

The Operation

Jessica was depressed. Ever since childhood, she had been picked on and ridiculed because of her looks. She just wanted to appear the same as everyone else. Other people would point and jeer and laugh at her. Even her own family shunned her. She would cover her face with scarves and veils whenever she went out to hide herself away and avoid the ridicule. She would only go out under cover of darkness and could not hold down a job for more than a few months.

Eventually she decided that enough was enough. She consulted a doctor and then an eye specialist to see what could be done, as it was purely an optical problem. After weeks of tests, he came to a decision. ‘We can operate but it's an extremely delicate operation, involving disconnection and reconnection of optical nerves and other surgery. There's no guarantee of success as we'd be in uncharted territory.’ ‘Anything, anything’ Jessica replied. ‘Money is no problem and I just want to get this eye problem sorted for once and for all.’

The consent forms were drawn up and signed and a date set for the operation. The great day came; she went into the eye hospital and the operation commenced. It took nine hours. Eventually, it was all over and she emerged with her head swathed in bandages, which had to remain in place for a week. As far as they could tell the operation had been a success.

One week later, it was time for the bandages to be removed. The surgeon and others crowded round the bed and gradually, ever so gradually, the bindings were removed, one by one. She was warned that any puffiness and stitches would soon disappear. Finally, they were off, there were smiles all round and Jessica was handed a small mirror to admire their handiwork.

Either side of her nose were two oval shaped skin grafts over her eyes; and in the middle of her forehead was one lovely, blue-coloured eye. At last! After so many years, she now looked the same as everyone else.

Colin Read

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My Uncle Harry

I'd like to tell you something about my uncle Harry. Now I confess that the trouble with Harry was that he was a disaster area on legs. Not so much the man who knew too much, more like the man who didn't know enough! He was born in Cornwall under Capricorn (the star sign that is) above the notorious hostelry known as the Jamaica Inn, where his father was landlord.

When he left school, he found work as a window cleaner. Now if there was a case of the wrong man for the job, this was it! He was ok on the ground floor work but when asked to clean the rear window on a tall building, he had a severe attack of vertigo and could not continue.

He thought he'd try the Navy and having got through the medical and joined up, war was declared! He was on Atlantic convoys and his ship (HMS Rebecca) was torpedoed and he found himself adrift in a lifeboat with only the birds and a few survivors for company. He managed to steer a course of north by northwest, more my luck than judgement, and was picked up by a fishing smack and brought back safely to dry land.

After the war, he thought it was time to settle down. He entered the theatre, where he felt sure he would meet someone. He was right. Marnie (one of the young actresses) was ideal for him. He was spellbound by her and bought her a lovely topaz engagement ring. They were soon Mr and Mrs Smith and settled down to a happy married life together.

His work in the theatre was all backstage. Initially, he had to learn which rope was which - literally learning the ropes - and had to repair some of the backstage scenery and curtains. One of the latter was quite badly damaged. He thought, ‘fancy having a torn curtain in such a fine theatre!’ It was quite a climb up into the gods but fortunately he managed to overcome his dizziness, climbing the 39 steps quite frequently to reach a lighting rig or some other piece of equipment that needed attention. Poor Harry could never become an actor: stage fright put paid to that!

One morning he arrived at the theatre to find the building in a frenzy of activity. There had been a burglary overnight and several thousand pounds worth of takings had been stolen.

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The police were involved, taking fingerprints etc but despite extensive enquiries, it was proving very difficult to catch a thief (or thieves) in such circumstances.

The story does not have a particularly happy ending. The burglary hit them hard and dwindling audience numbers meant that closure beckoned. The building then suffered a very serious fire and there was a suspicion of sabotage but the alleged saboteur was never identified and the building was finally closed and demolished. As for Harry and his wife, he retired on a small pension and they lived out their lives quite happily.

(As readers might have guessed, there are numerous (26) films directed by Alfred Hitchcock hidden in this narrative. See if you can identify them. Answers on page 32.)

Colin Read

Delayed Flight to Malaga

It was nearly midnight when our delayed flight finally landed at Malaga airport. We must have been the last arrival, as the concourse was deserted apart from the weary members of our package holiday group. After what seemed like ages, the luggage carousel finally groaned into action. Judging by the noise it made the equipment must have been on its last legs. I was therefore relieved to see the luggage finally start to cascade on to the far end of the conveyor belt. However, incomprehensibly, nothing came round the corner to where I was standing!

I decided to investigate and managed to squeeze through those immediately in front of me. What were the other passengers looking at? Horror of horrors! There in front of me the cases were all piling up like an enormous log jam, with some even spilling on to the floor.

For some reason those by me seemed momentarily mesmerised and rooted to the ground. I took the initiative and dived into the front of the pile. My tired brain decided that the cause of the jam seemed to be one large case which was thoroughly jammed in at the bottom. I decided immediate action was needed and, without too much thought, I grabbed the case to try force it out of the jam. However, too late I discovered that a long piece of metal from the machine's side had impaled itself deeply into the case and it wouldn’t easily budge.

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Throwing caution to the wind, I pulled at the offending case with all my might and it suddenly came free sending the log jam in all directions. I lost my balance and fell to the ground, and found that I only had half of the offending case in my hands. To make matters worse the case contents had spilled out all over the conveyor belt and on to the floor. I watched with horror as ladies’ black and red underwear scattered all along the belt. I tried to scoop up what I could reach into my half of the ripped case. I then backed off as the owner came forward to recover what she could and others now stepped forward to help. Mumbling my apologies, I slunk away to retrieve my own case.

However, my shame was not over. On leaving the building who should be at the front of the coach that I boarded but the lady whose case I had ripped apart. She of course recognised me, but with an unexpected smile said, ‘That will cost you a drink when I see you at the bar tomorrow’.

Glen Morfill

Guangzhou (Canton)

This lively, sub-tropical city (population 3 million) is China’s historic southern gateway. With neighbouring Shenzhen (10 million) and Hong Kong (7 million) it forms a vast conurbation of 20 million inhabitants, the central hub and powerhouse of the country’s manufacturing, banking and innovation on the Pearl River Delta. The streets teem with cheerful, striving people, jostling and weaving their way along pavements and through the subways. In place of advertising hoardings, there are long placards proclaiming ‘Core Socialist Values: Prosperity, Democracy, Civility, Freedom, Rule of Law, Justice, Dedication, Integrity, Patriotism, Equality, Harmony and Friendship’. It seems that such hortatory reminders are necessary, since at least half of these values are probably more honoured in the breach than in the observance.

The place is chiefly famous for its annual Canton Trade Fair, held in April as a major showcase for Chinese products and for attracting foreign investment and know-how. Under the ambitious ‘Made in China 2025’ plan, the aim is to eliminate the cheap labour sectors and to upgrade to a skilled worker economy. At present, some 25% of goods and services are produced in China, while 75% are imported. The plan would reverse these percentages.

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Its policy is to favour local sourcing and production in the tendering for new supply contracts, which means that to be considered domestic, foreign companies will have to manufacture in the country and share their proprietary technical know-how. This could be a major stumbling block to future investment.

Young people seem to exist in a WeChat (Twitter) bubble, pressed to their mobiles, oblivious to what’s going on around them. They tend to bump and glide along in a parallel universe, but they do show great kindness in helping lift heavy cases up steps. Facebook, Google and What’s App are all blocked in China, so as not to expose the populace to errant foreign ideas. One local businessman we meet brandishes his two smartphones, one domestic, the other international. ‘You see,’ he says, ’One country, two systems!’

There is CCTV everywhere and constant monitoring of people’s movement and conversations for anything deemed to be unsocial(ist) behaviour. Public slogans urge people to ‘Work Hard, Live Simply!’. They don’t have much choice as the cost of living is quite high.

Apparently society is almost cashless as everybody uses a PayPal swipe with their mobiles to order things and pay for them. Trash bins are still used as spittoons – the expectorating habit, like smoking, dies very hard. In the men’s lavatory, a sign above the urinals reads ‘One small step forward, one giant leap for civilization’ – to make sure you point Percy at the porcelain. On the bus, the public address system reminds people: ‘According to traditional Chinese virtue, seats should be given up to the elderly and those in need.’ Virtue is invoked at every turn as the main tenet of faith in an avowedly atheistic society. It must be visibly signalled.

The image of Lei Feng, a fearless soldier sacrificed in the Cultural Revolution, appears on the corner of posters as a constant prompt to exemplary behavior – there’s no need for ASBOs here, since there are men in black uniforms stationed everywhere to keep you on the straight and narrow. But there’s always Dim Sum, the classic Cantonese cuisine, to remind you of eternal China – the choice gobbets and morsels of delicious little dumplings and toufu served with steamed rice in a stack of bamboo punnets.

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Anyone over 65 gains free entry to museums and galleries. Since the common retirement age until recently was 55 for men and 50 for women, anyone over 70 is regarded as partially incapacitated and no longer a potential criminal. The Hatton Garden jewellery heist in London could never have happened here – such a flowering of elderly thievery would be swiftly nipped in the bud before conspirators were off the phone.

There are so many more free sights in the city: the Chen Clan Ancestral Hall is carefully preserved as it was when students taking the Imperial Examinations trekked in from all over Guandong to lodge there. The only incongruous note is the display of ceramic figures from the Cultural Revolution, striking dramatic poses derived from Russian state art on command. The lovely park up Baiyun Mountain is a haven of fragrance and quietude after the downtown roar of traffic and raucous Cantonese. The burial chamber of the Nanyue King, uncovered last century, is a wonder to behold after lying secret for over two thousand years.

Little from former colonial times remains, although on Shamian Island an entire street of old shophouses lies intact with a Buddhist temple set back from the river front.

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The true marvel is the New City district of Zhujiang where the skyscrapers are of such a looming immensity that gazing up to see the tops causes you to stagger backwards – the International Financial Centre has 108 storeys!

On the last night, a choice must be made between a river cruise to the Islet of Immortality Pills or the annual Lantern Festival in Yuexiu Park. It’s a first night for the Lanterns and we are not disappointed – the display around the park’s perimeter is magnificent with dragons, pandas and other mythical creatures interspersed with lotus flowers on the lakes and tableaux of harvest and the New Year of the Pig (just approaching), all in a constant dazzle of illumination to a lush musical accompaniment.

All in all, it’s a perplexing scene. It’s hard to tell whether this is a society inching its way towards a full-blown ‘1984’-type dystopia, Utopia or bust, or the amazing Brave New World of the Asian Century.

Barnaby Powell

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‘Creative Writing’ (from ‘F in Exams’ by Richard Benson)

Give two techniques writers use to create atmosphere

A few drinks

Some good friends

Why should an author keep their audience in mind?

Because if they kept them in real life that would be kidnapping

Give an example of a ‘purpose’

They’re quite like dolphins

What effect can a rhetorical question have?

Irritation

Crete

This long, thin, straggly, mountainous island, like Taiwan in WWII, was an unsinkable aircraft carrier. It lies across 160 miles of the Mediterranean at the southern-most point of Europe, a repository of all things Greek – from its dragon-backed ranges with their luxuriant skirtings of olive groves to its ancient remains of temples, theatres and fortresses from Greco-Roman antiquity to the Ottoman Turkish occupation. One old olive tree at Vouves has outlived them all for over three thousand years and still puts forth leaves.

Chania, the former capital at the Western end, is a visibly multi-layered city of Minoan, Greco-Roman, Venetian and Ottoman strata with a fine, sea-walled harbour. The great covered market of the Agora stands entire in the centre, while all around its ancient buildings have been lovingly raised from the dead after heavy wartime bomb damage.

The first moussaka is as delicious as only fresh lamb can make it and the accompanying salads are sumptuous, followed by delectable yoghurt and honey. Urban cats are so common they even merit their own street sign like Egyptian deities.

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An evening of Greek dancing is mesmeric in its quirky fluency, the boys stamping out the rhythms in black tunics, jodhpurs and male-y boots, leaping like Cossacks with their arms flung wide, linking with the girls in wide flowered skirts, who troop in step to keep the whole ensemble steady.

To the south lies the Libyan Sea, where the island falls precipitously into the water as the heaving tectonic plates of Africa and Europe caused the land to buckle into vertiginous mountain heights. The Imbros Gorge is the route taken by British soldiers in 1941 for their evacuation to Egypt under heavy fire from German Stukas after the fall of the airfield at Maleme.

Retracing their steps some eighty years later down the narrow pathway strewn with boulders, sage brush, cactus and loose scree for five miles to the coast is a slightly less hazardous experience, the only sounds being the bleating of goats and the braying of a donkey. Back up the mountain a local winery offers a couple of barbarous blends and a frivolous and sentimental little dessert wine, rather aptly named Euphoria. By the beach the TV spews out news of murder and mendacity from a world left far behind.

Just outside the capital at Heraklion lies the fabled palace of King Minos at Knossos, excavated and partially restored by the British archaeologist, Sir Arthur Evans a hundred years ago. This is the point at which the dreams of Greek mythology come vividly to life. Here the wisps and memory wraiths of ancient legend take actual form and shape. The beauty of an imagined design for communal living is made real in this early Bronze Age settlement.

All that remains after the catastrophic earthquake that destroyed it are the bases of the walls of 1,500 small rooms, built on three floors, linked by a maze of stairs and passage ways around a central courtyard. This construction gave rise to the myth of the Labyrinth as the lair of the Minotaur – half-man, half-bull – which was rumoured to keep intruders at bay, since exit from the place once entered was well-nigh impossible without a fateful encounter with him.

On the slopes of Mount Idi, a trout farm feeds on the melt water from the Winter snows and streams above. In almost any other country, farming this harsh a land would be a hard- scrabble existence, but here Mihalis and Elena live entirely and contentedly off their mountainside. It is planted with a thousand olives and worked with their bare hands to produce oil, flour and vegetables.

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Their companion animals – cows, pigs, sheep, goats, rabbits, geese and chickens – supply a little meat, milk and cheese with the surplus going to market. The rustic Cretan way of life is close to Mother Earth and differs very little from that of the tilling and seafaring Minoans several millennia ago.

Barnaby Powell

Favourite Sayings Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired. Jules Renard

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength; loving someone gives you courage.

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. Lucille Ball

As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two. Norman Wisdom

Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese. Billie Burke

We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing. George Bernard Shaw

Beautiful young people are accidents of nature. Beautiful old people are works of art.

Yesterday is history

Tomorrow is a mystery

Today is a gift

Which is why we call it the present. Bill Keane

Never knowingly early. The Wilson Motto

We live in an age when unnecessary things are our only necessity. Oscar Wilde

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A sense of humour guarantees a sense of proportion.

Dogs are far better listeners than most people.

‘My Uncle Harry’ - the answers :

I Confess; The Trouble With Harry; The Man Who Knew Too Much;

Under Capricorn; Notorious; Jamaica Inn; The Wrong Man; Rear Window;

Vertigo; Rebecca; Lifeboat; The Birds; North by Northwest; Marnie; Spellbound; Topaz; Mr and Mrs Smith; Rope; Torn Curtain; The 39 Steps; Stage Fright;

Frenzy; To Catch a Thief; Suspicion; Sabotage; Saboteur.

Favourite Shakespeare Quotes O Wonder!

How many goodly creatures are there here!

How beauteous mankind is! O brave new world

That has such people in’t!

Miranda in ‘The Tempest’

Sweet are the uses of adversity.

The Duke in ‘As You Like It’

This above all: to thine own self be true.

Polonius in ‘Hamlet’

We have heard the chimes at midnight.

Falstaff in ‘Henry IV Part II’

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