Leading with “Passion Power”:Inspiring Others with Courage, Clarity, and Creativity

Program Description: As a leader or “high impact” communicator in a TNT – Time-Numbers-Technology – Driven & Distracted World consider these three critical challenges to personal and professional leadership success:1) Are you courageously developing along with passionately and purposefully applying your unique on-point and most vital combination of energy and experience “head & heart” strengths and skills?

1) Identify when you have your best personal and/or interpersonal energy; what enables you to express your energy-experience combo; what factors stifle your courageous and creative "head and heart" flow?,

2) Are you able to harness vulnerability and authenticity when engaging with conflict and designing risk?

3) Discover the Stress Doc’s Method of “Creative Risk-Taking": The Courageous Art of Designing Disorder

4) Engage with the Stress Doc’s acclaimed “Five ‘P’ Model of Passion Power” – being Purposeful-Provocative-Passionate-Playful; bring out your fullest self without being full of yourself,

5) Put “Passion Power” into action by confronting your “Intimate FOE” through animated yet down to earth sharing-storytelling and mutual laughter; especially critical for leaders and aspiring trailblazers

6) Are you truly “being heard or are you just making noise?” Do you know the power of the Stress Doc’s New KISS -- Keep It Simple and Smart, Less Is More (More or Less), and Don't Just Stand Out...Be Outrageous?

With his singular wit and wisdom and by Getting FIT – through his FUN Interactive and Thought-provoking – small group exercises the Stress Doc will provide tools and techniques for unleashing dynamic energy for “designing disorder” for reducing status barriers and for inspiring others with your genuine “Passion Power.”

Seek the higher power of Stress Doc humor: May the Farce Be with You.

Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is an acclaimed keynote, kickoff and webinar speaker as well as "Motivational Humorist & Team Communication Catalyst" known for his interactive, inspiring, and FUN programs for both government agencies and major corporations.  The Doc is a Training and Stress Resilience Consultant for The Hays Companies, an international corporate insurance and wellness brokerage group. He has also led “"Stress and Communication,” as well as “Managing Change, Humor, and Team Building" leadership retreats for a variety of units at Ft. Hood, Texas and for Army Community Services and Family Advocacy Programs at Ft. Meade, MD and Ft. Belvoir, VA as well as Andrews Air Force Base/Behavioral Medicine Services.

A former Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service, the Doc is the author of Practice Safe Stress and of The Four Faces of Anger.  The Stress Doc blog appears in such platforms as HR.com, WorkforceWeek.com, and MentalHelpNet.  His award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" – www.stressdoc.com – was called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR).  For more info on the Doc's "Practice Safe Stress" programs or to receive his free e-newsletter, email stressdoc@aol.com or call 301-875-2567.

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http://www-stressdoc-com.blogspot.com/2015/03/capturing-and-captivating-no-matter.html

Capturing and Captivating No Matter the Setting:Mastering the Interview Process and Training the Trainer

Two pieces on how to capture and captivate, whether during an interview (an essay) or as a public speaker-trainer-educator (email stressdoc@aol.com for a program blurb-objectives on Training the Trainer and Educator: Informing and Inspiring through Passion Power & Interactive Humor). Enjoy!

Mastering the Interview Process: Turning (and Dancing On) the Tables

After reading a colleague’s essay on how companies can better manage an interview process, my Janusian nature, quick to discern both (or multiple) sides of an issue, fairly jumped out of its skin, declaring, Au contraire! How about the interviewee strategically, if not outrageously, stealing the evaluative show? (FYI, Janus, is the double-profiled ancient Roman God. The god of beginnings and endings, leavings and returns, gazes left and right simultaneously.)

Actually, I had been quietly percolating on this subject ever since an HR Professional at a Washington, DC Public Charter School recently commented on my unique approach to being interviewed. Meeting with her, her boss, and the COO of the school, my mission was clear: to convince the troika that the “Stress Doc” ™ was the best person to deliver a training workshop on “Managing Conflict” to school administrators, faculty, and staff.

My method, apparently, was compelling. Actually, the HR Pro (who I’ll call Z), in a post-workshop chat, acknowledged that my unexpected methodology was outside her realm of “interview” experience, and certainly made an impression. Let me illustrate. Almost from the outset, not letting the encounter settle into a predictable Q & A rhythm, I suddenly turned the interview into an interactive performance-learning lab. More specifically, I challenged them to play my “Four Faces of Anger” Game. Basically, it was a word association to constructive or destructive, purposeful or spontaneous expressions of anger. Instantaneously, the room became alive with energy and expectation: I definitely had their attention and all were wondering where this quirky fellow was taking them? This instructor-expert was challenging his “students” to think on their feet. (I was no longer the only person in the room being evaluated.) And no matter the responses, some encouraging if not affirming feedback was provided…The first rule of “how to make friends and influence people.”

And to prove I was not a one-hit wonder, we jumped into a second exercise. I had the HR folks pair off: one had just given an important presentation at a board meeting; her colleague is to give her feedback. In the instructions, it appears that the feedback will be balanced; the reality is quite different. Her colleague reads from a sheet that I quickly scripted; now the presenter hears, Wow, you fumbled the data. I thought you said you prepared! While the first exercise mostly challenged the head, this one definitely massages both head and heart!

And finally, the COO’s use of the word “compromise” as a conflict-resolution ideal became my cue for introducing the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Styles Inventory. The five styles are based on the “high” or “low” degree of an individual’s “Assertiveness” and “Cooperativeness: Competition-Avoidance-Accommodation-Collaboration-(and in the middle)-Compromise. While each style has positive and negative aspects, I differentiated my ideal – “Collaboration” (High Assertiveness and High Cooperativeness) – from middle-of-the-road “compromise.” Compromise is quick and dirty, a convenient

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agreement. Collaboration takes time and energy as you uncover hidden ideas, agendas, and emotions, allowing difference and diversity to spark short-term conflict for evolving creativity. Another potential payoff: an opportunity for real buy-in and to forge productive partnerships.

And, in fact, during the interview process we had generated some synergy: not only had the individual pieces/people created a whole greater than the sum of the parts, but magically the parts had begun building a partnership.

Actually, there were two final steps – first, homework was assigned: I would write-up a program draft with objectives based on our discussion, and the interview team would solicit staff to further shape our workshop focus. Then I ended the meeting giving all a small sample of my pioneering efforts in the field of psychologically humorous rap music…Shrink Rap ™ Productions!

Key Structures and Strategies for Capturing the Interview Process

1. Be clear about your objective, and then quickly take charge of the interview process2. Initially, don’t be afraid to puzzle your audience, or to be a bit edgy or quirky3. Actively engage interviewers in some structured (even if spontaneous) learning exercise4. Turn the interview process into your planned and improvisational stage5. Make sure the “audience” is part of the show6. While an educational and entertaining experience, give the interviewers a chance to “show off’ their knowledge and expertise; as Ernest Becker, acclaimed American philosopher, observed, The most important human urge is the desire to feel important!7. Make it easy for the interviewer or interview team to imagine you as a dynamic performer-contributor in whatever your future role-assignment with the company or organization: Stand Out, Don’t Just Be Outstanding!8. Assign post-meeting tasks that encourage follow-up9. Between the interview and your “start date,” share and discuss new or evolving information and ideas10. And finish with a memorable close, one that has both pith and punch, that is, the Stress Doc’s “New KISS” – Keep It Short & Smart!

Oh yes, a little “lagniappe”: The process generates real synergy – the individuals begin working as a motivated and coordinated team!

Some tips to help you Practice Safe Stress before, during, and after an interview.

P.S. The “Transforming Anger and Conflict into Collaborative Problem-Solving” workshop was a smash!  Planning for Part II.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

http://www-stressdoc-com.blogspot.com/2014/08/the-new-r-r-courageous-resilience.html

The New “R & R” – Courageous RESILIENCE & Creative RISK-Taking: The Art of Designing Disorder (Segment II)

The Art of Vital Vulnerability

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Recently, a “Resiliency Rap” ™ captured what I’ve learned about the vulnerable-valiant process. Let’s call it channeling that “Rough Rider,” my Inner TR. First, though, two pithy poetic pieces to help set the arena:

Fight when you canTake flight when you mustFlow like a dreamIn the Phoenix we trust!

Some of you may recognize the above from my formal newsletter masthead. And

For the Phoenix to rise from the ashesOne must know the painTo transform the fire to burning desire!

Cowardice or Choice: From Vice to Voice

A coward dies a thousand deaths; a hero dies but once **No matter the total breaths; when it mattered…did you give your every ounce?The saddest part of cowardice, the sacrifice of peaceful sleepTo cold night sweats of moral vice; a haunted voice that makes you weep.Still…that twilight coliseum, a dreamscape of battling foesA second chance for wrestling demons; will you now go blow for blow?

You may not win each contest; there will be trails of bloodBut you may slowly lay to rest that nightmare-stalking brood.Each hour brings another choice – to take a stand or runEven lacking true clear voice, in no way are you dumb.Dig deep for that rich ore of shame; you are near with fear or rageLet a guide reveal a novel game; get off the “b.s.” (be safe) stage.

Lurking in shadows psychic, bubbling lava primal pain…Sculpt and dance until there’s magic; Pygmalion’s art shall rise again.No longer that once robot child, head twisting madly side-to-sideYes, pursue the “Call of the Wild”; beware that, “Well, I tried.”“Learn to Fail or Fail to Learn”; please forsake the craft of coolFiery spirit will once more burn when com/passion and purpose rule!

[** Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar] -----------------------------------

Courageous RESILIENCE & Creative RISK-Taking: The Art of Designing Disorder

A. From Agenda to the Arena

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1) Feel and Focus on “Constructive Discontent”2) Prepare for Courageous and Creative Engagement3) Go from “Cowardice to Choice”: Honor and Harness Angst

B. Aware-ily Jump In Over Head1) Generates Vulnerable State & Rapid Learning Curve: Threat-Loss-Challenge2) Quick Assessment of Skills & Resources: SERVE3) Beware of Alligators

C. Strive to Survive High Dive1) Strive High and Embrace Failure   2) Time Frame: Beachheads and Battles3) Come Up for Air; TLC & Collaboration

D. Thrive On “Thrustration”…Incubate to Illuminate1) Torn between Direct Action and Frustration2) Take an Incubation Vacation: Letting Go to Letting Come3) Creative Tension Spurs Meditative Volcano: CHOP & Cognitive Disinhibition

E. Design for Error & Evaluation, Being Out & Opportunity1) Range of Possibilities over Fixed or Ideal Goals2) Choosing Confusion over Illusion of Control; Avoid “b.s.”3) Ambiguity for Connection & Vision; Out of the Closet & Develop Networks

F. Discovering Your "Passion Power" & Creating a "Winning Team"1) The Power of Conflict and Contradiction Exercise2) Stress Doc's Inspiring "Four 'P's of Passion Power" Matrix3) Confronting Your Intimate FOE Exercise:  Individual Creativity & Interactive Community

Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is a national keynote speaker and "Motivational Humorist" known for interactive, inspiring and FUN programs for government agencies & major corporations. A Critical Incident Consultant for the National EAP/Wellness Co., Business Health Services, the Doc also leads “Stress, Team Building and Humor” programs for the military. A former Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service, Mark is the author of Practice Safe Stress, The Four Faces of Anger, and Resiliency Rap. For more info on the Doc's "Practice Safe Stress" programs or to receive his free e-newsletter, email stressdoc@aol.com or call 301-875-2567.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Creative Risk-Taking: Part IThe Art of Designing Disorder

By Mark Gorkin, LICSW“The Stress Doc” ™

As a public speaker, it's not surprising that risk-taking is a subject dear to my heart and ego. It's well known that most Americans would rather contemplate their own death than face “stage fright” or possible public embarrassment or humiliation. Of course, some of us platform performers have had to deal with both demons: as a speaker, believe me, I've died many times. And while skeptical about reincarnation,

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I'm still alive and talking…But not just talking. Over the years, I've transformed my share of humbling learning curves into a modus operandi for risk-taking.

Let me start with a trial by fire that illustrates the personal evolution of three keys of creative risk-taking. "On the edge" individuals:a) are not overly preoccupied with making mistakes or with social disapproval; they are able to tolerate the anxiety of separateness,b) have a strong enough ego to admit when they are wrong or in trouble, andc) analyze, emotionally experience and learn from trial and error.And with this foundation, "creative persons are precisely those that take the cards that make them anxious" (May).

Cox Cable Chaos

Back in the early '80s, cable television was starting up in New Orleans. Around this time, I had burnt out and dropped out of a doctoral program and was struggling to build my own psychotherapy and stress workshop business. Throwing caution to the wind, and needing to do some serious self-promotion, I managed to wrangle a health feature on a Cable TV Magazine show…despite my tele-virgin status.

Having a weekend to prepare for the inaugural shoot, oscillating between shock and elation, I kept reassuring myself: "Mark, you do public speaking, you've been in front of a camera…How difficult can it be?" I've come to realize this profound truth: The only thing more dangerous than taking a big risk, or not taking any risk, is taking a risk while minimizing the precarious reality of the situation!

No teleprompter, blinding lights, a sweltering room (the noisy AC had to be turned off in this primitive studio). D-Day had arrived. Staring at that one-eyed, fore-fingered monster (aka the cameraman)…Suddenly, I was facing a firing squad. My last halting, anxiety-filled utterance: "Hello. I'm Mark Gorkin, a stress expert." Then began an involuntary live demonstration: stage fright morphing into oral paralysis. I eventually became audible in bursts, though collapsing in exhaustion after a minute or two of delivery. (Fortunately, through the magic of television editing, most of my panic and battle fatigue was erased.) Of course, the camera crew didn't make things any easier. As we played back the tape, one of them said: "Don't worry. We'll use this for our blooper special." "Thanks a lot fellas." The next day I was still reeling from reality: the mortal wound to my illusion of invincibility thrust into awareness my combat deficiency. And while there was no rest for the battle weary, the executive producer threw me a lifeline: "I don't expect perfection; I do expect improvement each week."

Being caught in the crossfire of crisis and confrontation triggered a novel adaptive response. For the second shooting, I memorized eight minutes of uninterrupted script -- a dramatic breakthrough of one of my mind barriers. The performance tension, along with the internal pressure of punctured pride, generated a heretofore-untapped level of persistence and concentration for writing and memorization. I also discovered another benefit of this heightened motivational state. My right hemisphere, responding to this "cry of the wild," produced vivid images and rhythm and rhyme verbal connections that evoked both a more colorful style of expression and that supported mental association and recall. The production crew couldn't believe the difference in my performance. They figured, "If he's crazy enough to do that, we might as well stick with him." In a way they were right. I really was out of my (normal) mind!

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By the third week I was getting smart. I invited a guest and used a short opening monologue. I won't claim the remainder of my twelve-week stint was a breeze (though I did get a good review in the newspaper). Actually, the third feature was part of a Thanksgiving Special taped in the sunny outdoors -- in gale wind conditions. Naturally, a palm tree prop fell on my guest and me in the middle of our interview. Hey..."Life's a beach."

Moral of the Tale. In twenty-five words or less: "Cox Cable Chaos" taught me more about letting go of predictability and perfection and accepting adult vulnerability than all my years of analysis!

Part II will provide key steps and strategies for “Confronting Your Intimate FOE: Fear of Exposure” and for developing your “Creative Risk-Taking” potential. Until then, of course…Practice Safe Stress!

ReferencesMay, Rollo, "On the Imagination," The Symposium on Imagination, New Orleans, January 14, 1984-------------------

The Practice of Creative Risk-Taking: Part IIConfronting Your Intimate FOE

A tale of high performance anxiety and personal “stage fright” was the subject of “The Art of Creative Risk-Taking: Part I.” Was the Stress Doc breaking into New Orleans Cable TV or was he breaking down while taping a health feature? The illusion that previous speaking and university teaching experience (but tele-virgin status) had prepared him for the glaring lights and self-conscious focus was quickly exposed. Right from the traumatic beginning, a two season run in front of the camera consistently generated a highly intense, double-edged learning trial – as much labyrinth as laboratory. Fraught with danger and opportunity, this Gladiator-like arena compelled “Confronting the Intimate FOE: Fear of Exposure.” Despite periodic feelings of inadequacy and humiliation (for example, when a member of the technical crew announced his initial taping would become a part of the blooper archives) this high-risk scenario yielded some positive revelations. High tension when productively channeled:a) improved concentration and capacity for memorization and recall,b) produced vivid imagery, rhythm and rhyme connections and imaginative mental associations, andc) generated greater comfort with uncertainty and, gradually, greater confidence in the effective adaptation to a pressure packed performance environment.

Perhaps the foundation of this dynamic process was a learning concept that challenged unproductive innocence, if not a state of denial: The only thing more dangerous than not taking any risk, or taking a big risk, is taking a risk while minimizing the precarious reality of the situation!

With this stepping stone wisdom, here are key steps and strategies for bravely facing your “Intimate FOE” and boldly developing your potential for “Creative Risk-Taking”: 1. Aware-ily Jump in Over Your Head. Only by jumping into the fray can you quickly discover how adequate your resources are with respect to the novel challenge ahead. This approach precludes a strategy that eliminates all risk in advance. (Okay, some prep may be necessary. As we say in N’Awlins, check to see if there are any alligators in the bayou.) You may need to encounter realistic anxiety, exaggerated loss of control and even some feelings of humiliation to confront your "Intimate FOE." But

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often the reward for the risk is a unique readiness to build knowledge, emotional hardiness and skills for survival, along with evolving imaginative gifts.

2. Strive to Survive the High Dive. There's no guarantee when grappling with new heights or depths, but four fail-safe measures come to mind: a) strive high and embrace failure -- failure is not a sign of unworthiness; consider failure the gap between a future ideal and your present reality; it’s a transitional space that fosters growth rather than absolute mastery. Of course, for failure to motivate progress, also vital is distinguishing those fine lines among high expectation, vision and hallucination; b) develop a realistic time frame – remember, establishing a beachhead doesn’t mean you’ve conquered the island; recognize that many battles are fought and lost before a major undertaking is won; c) be tenaciously honest - continuously assess the impact of outcomes, changes within yourself and your environment, and the rules underlying your operation, d) establish a support system - have people in your life who provide both kinds of TLC: Tender Loving Criticism and Tough Loving Care. 3. Thrive On Thrustration. Learn to be stuck between thrusting ahead with direct action and frustration while struggling with your problematic puzzle or risk-taking adventure (Rabkin). Then let go: an incubation vacation, in the aftermath of agitated exploration, helps hatch a new perspective. Creativity often requires a period of relaxed attention or mindless perception along with being more problem-minded than solution-focused. As performance psychologist, George Leonard, has observed: It’s not the path to absolute mastery, but the lifetime learning path of mastery. (Leonard also strongly advocated training with an expert for a period of time.) Frustration tolerance and some guidance along with persistence and patience are the keys to escaping self-imposed boxes.

Increasing bio-psycho-social pressure and a “no exit” challenge can shake the habituated, settled mind. Thrustration may transform a dormant subconscious into an active psychic volcano -- memories, novel associations and symbolic images overflow into consciousness. You're better able to generate fertile problem-solving alternatives. Problems are not just sources of tension and frustration, but are opportunities for integrating the past and the present, the conscious and the unconscious, the obscure and the obvious. Here lies creative perspective. 4. Design for Error and Opportunity. Innovative and risk-taking individuals and organizations are more attuned to a range of possibilities than to fixed or ideal goals. These systems prefer the risk of initiation and experimentation to preoccupation over deviation or imperfection. Having the courage to flounder through a sea of novelty and confusion often yields new connections, long-range mastery and an uncommon big picture. A narrow, safe course creates the illusion of achievement and short-lived control. Of course, limited predesign means opportunity for errors. In open people and systems, startup misplays are vital signs for self-correcting and self-challenging feedback.

Remember, errors of judgment or design does not irrevocably consign one to incompetence; they more likely reveal inexperience or immaturity, perhaps even boldness. Our so-called "failures" can be channeled as guiding streams (sometimes raging rivers) of opportunity and experience that so often enrich - widen and deepen - the risk-taking passage…If we can just immerse ourselves in these unpredictable yet, ultimately, regenerative waters. References

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Rabkin, Richard, "Critique of the Clinical Use of the Double Bind Hypothesis," in Sluzki, Carlos E. and Ransom, Donald C. (eds.), Double Bind: The Foundation of the Communicational Approach to the Family, Grune & Stratton: New York, 1976~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is an acclaimed keynote, kickoff and webinar speaker as well as "Motivational Humorist & Team Communication Catalyst" known for his interactive, inspiring, and FUN programs for both government agencies and major corporations.  In addition, the "Doc" is a Team Building and Organizational Development Consultant as well as a Critical Incident/Grief Intervention Expert for Business Health Services, a National EAP/Wellness/OD Company.  He is providing "Stress and Communication,” as well as “Managing Change, Leadership and Team Building" programs for a variety of units at Ft. Hood, Texas and for Army Community Services and Family Advocacy Programs at Ft. Meade, MD and Ft. Belvoir, VA as well as Andrews Air Force Base/Behavioral Medicine Services.

A former Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service, the Doc is the author of Practice Safe Stress and of The Four Faces of Anger.  The Stress Doc blog appears in such platforms as HR.com, WorkforceWeek.com, and MentalHelpNet.  His award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" – www.stressdoc.com – was called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR).  For more info on the Doc's "Practice Safe Stress" programs or to receive his free e-newsletter, email stressdoc@aol.com or call 301-875-2567.

[The En-Rap-turing Impact of “Shrink Rap” ™ at Ft. Hood, TX; photo by Laurie Dunlop]~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Confronting Your Intimate FOE:Transforming Fear of Exposure into the Fun of Embarrassment

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As a speaker and workshop leader, I’m always designing and experimenting with small group exercises that, hopefully, generate positive energy, emotional give and take and some knowing, if not hearty, laughter. Such group interaction becomes a dynamic springboard for fulfilling my mission as a “Motivational Psychohumorist” ™, that is, helping participants achieve a deeper appreciation for and an ability to engage their own and others’: a) workplace demands and overall life challenges, b) psychological strengths and vulnerabilities, and c) communicational processes and patterns. In addition, a personal goal: having this mutual sharing, problem-solving and understanding occur within a learning context of considerable merriment and mirth.

Why the importance of humor and laughter for meeting program objectives? For now, let’s just say good-natured fun and laughter seem to break down social and cultural barriers thereby fostering empathy and compassion. People more readily acknowledge common imperfections while gently laughing at their differences, no small feat in an increasingly diverse world. And time and again my experience as a therapist, educator and organizational motivator reveals that people are often more open to a serious message when it’s gift-wrapped with humor!

The FOE Exercise

To illustrate both social bonding and barrier busting, here’s a recently designed exercise that has been field tested about a half dozen times in both national conference and organizational retreat settings with a variety of state and federal government professionals, including members of the International Personnel Management Association (IPMA), Federal Asian Pacific American Council (FAPAC), Federally Employed Women (FEW), Blacks In Government (BIG) and a division of the National Science Foundation (NSF). The exercise has become a staple of my High Performance, Team Synergy and Jolt of CPR – “Creativity, Passion and Risk-Taking” – Programs. I introduce the exercise after the audience has already participated in a couple of group problem-solving or role play-like interactions. So people are pretty warmed up. (Hmm…I wonder if the exercise might work as a provocative program opener.) The exercise is disarmingly simple to execute yet invariably startling in its effect. And it starts with a four-word directive: “Share an embarrassing moment.”

Initially, the groups of four or five are surprised; at times, an uncomfortable silence accompanied by a variety of pained or puzzled looks weaves its way about the room. Clearly, the tension reflects the generalized feeling of potential intimacy and personal vulnerability. Yet, invariably, someone in each group breaks the ice. And soon thereafter, the previous frowns are being replaced by rapt attention and nodding smiles…and then frequently by bursts of full-throated laughter. And with each story, the cycle of thawing, sharing and laughter moves at a faster and more spontaneous pace. Within minutes, the heightened group energy is palpable. And shortly thereafter the room is crackling with communal buzz!After about ten minutes, story time is over. Now begins the group feedback which focuses on some key questions: 1) why did we do the exercise? And 2) what happened or what does it mean that so much energy and laughter was released? (Actually, before the questions and depending on time constraints, participants may have the opportunity to share one or two memorable moments. Moments have ranged from tripping, falling on one’s derriere and sliding down the wedding aisle to unknowingly driving off with someone else’s car for a late night pizza run and being apprehended by campus police upon your return. And how your keys opened the car and started the engine still remains a mystery.)

Exercising and Exorcizing EmbarrassmentLet’s examine several key dynamics underlying “The Purpose, Playfulness and Power of the ‘Embarrassing Moment’ Exercise”:

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1. Highlights the Role of Cultural Diversity and Mutual Humanity. Clearly, cultural diversity is increasingly coloring – sometimes complicating, mostly enriching -- all aspects of American life. And while its positive contributions to society are deservedly celebrated, we may be overlooking an equally important reality: “People are more human than otherwise.” While a particular embarrassing activity or action may reflect an aspect of multiculturalism, having embarrassing moments is a universal phenomenon, something with which all can identify. Revealing your imperfect self by lowering a “having it all together” mask frequently calls out an “I can relate” connection. This can be especially valuable when an authority figure wants to be seen as a leader who is not afraid to loosen status distinctions or who chooses to be one of the team. Such openness emboldens others to let down their guard or it just may motivate an “I can top that” or “If you think that was bad” story. And finally, converting past embarrassment into a playfully poignant present with fellow “sufferers” facilitates a “we are all in this together” consciousness and commonality. Remember, research shows that misery doesn’t just like company…it really prefers miserable company!

2. Recognizes Misery, Mastery and Mirth Connection. An important realization of this public storytelling is that a once painful experience, whether brought on by clumsiness, carelessness or cluelessness, no longer has you in its emotional grip. Memory is less a source of shame or regret and more an opportunity to embellish if not exaggerate past behaviors and events. You are not simply a victim of experience; you have a chance to relive the past as well as redesign and redefine it. Once closeted memories are exposed to common light and lightness, they can more readily risk coming out of the semantic shadows. Now memories are more open to interpretation and translation, and they may seem less painful or demeaning; it becomes easier to perceive yourself in a more confident or competent light. And with a little ego boost, mortification may eventually morph into merriment.

A student of the psychology of humor, the psychiatrist, Ernst Kris, captured a potentially powerful link between the poignant and the playful: “What was once feared and is now mastered is laughed at.” That is, the enhanced self-esteem from a sense of mastery in the present allows us to acknowledge if not embrace past anxieties, indignities and albatrosses. In addition, my inverse observation has relevance: “What was once feared and is now laughed at is no longer a master.” When you can laugh at an intimidating figure (even if but quietly and privately) you often can cut that person down to manageable size. For example, to deflate an arrogant antagonist, consider the words of the 20th century French novelist, Andre Gide, from The Immoralist: “One must allow others to be right…It consoles them for not being anything else.”

Finally, even if mastery is derived mostly through transformative memory or simply by being in the company of fellow clods and clucks (hence reducing a singularly pathetic or pitiable status) it’s easier to laugh at flaws and foibles and not feel so browbeaten by them. So remember, share your story with people who have walked in your shoes…especially if they can feel your bunions!

3. Differentiates Embarrassment from Humiliation. In one of my CPR sessions, a participant, perhaps showing a touch of irony, speculated that the purpose of the “Embarrassing Moment” Exercise was “to have people experience humiliation.” Ironically, this answer was closer to the truth than I suspect he realized. My intention is not to demean but, in actuality, to help people grapple with new meaning: to realize that there is a fundamental difference between natural embarrassment and neurotic humiliation. Do you recall dynamic #1 – “Cultural Diversity and Mutual Humanity”? In contrast to humiliation which is often colored by one’s unique self-berating inner voices and sometimes too by rigidly righteous or over controlling family or cultural values and norms, embarrassment is a universal part of human drama and absurdity. To better illustrate the difference, let’s turn to Webster’s Third New International Dictionary:

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a) Embarrassment comes from the French, embarras, connoting “obstacle, trouble, and to hinder.” Embarrass means “to place in doubt, perplexity or difficulties.” Worth noting, there is not an obvious critical value judgment. Webster’s continues: Embarrass “likely implicates an agency or influence checking and hampering free choice or action, often with accompanying chagrin, confusion and loss of face.” While there may be some diminished pride, with embarrassment problems can be attributed to outside forces or hampering factors as much as to personal inadequacy or insignificance.b) Humiliate is derived from the Latin humilis, that is, “to be low or humble” and according to Webster’s means “to reduce to a lower position in one’s eyes or the eyes of others: injure the self respect of.” And “humiliating” involves “lowering one’s position or dignity.” And for “humiliation,” Roget’s International Thesaurus provides a powerful “double d” combo punch – “demotion and disgrace.”

Alas, as too many can attest all forms of physical abuse and emotional abandonment still rear their ugly and potentially humiliating heads. However, this sobering reality does not negate another psychological vérité: too often an embarrassing moment turns into a humiliating experience because of critical, dysfunctional and/or outmoded voices and values still weighing heavily on a mind. For example, not being able to better apportion personality and situational factors for one’s missteps leads to “attributional bias,” that is, assigning personal blame while not being able to place actions and events in a larger historical, environmental and, even, multicultural context. By way of example, if a colleague arrives late to work a couple of times in a week, the typical observer begins to suspect personal laziness or disorganization. In contrast, arriving similarly late your explanation is likely situational and mitigates personal responsibility – an accident on the highway, your child feeling ill on the way to daycare, etc. However, a state of depression (or, I suspect, long-standing feelings of shame) may predispose an observer to a more “black or white” and overly critical evaluation of his or her own motives and actions. And a common instigator of such bias is the unrealistic expectation surrounding the degree to which one is objectively “in control.” To repeat, such irrational, personalized processing can fuel both harsh self-judgments and negative evaluations of others.

Conversely, a capacity for normal and natural embarrassment just may enable you to reframe more benignly a once, or future, painful encounter and transmute any vestiges of humiliation into a capacity for “humility”: “the quality or state of being humble in spirit: freedom from [false] pride or arrogance” (Webster’s). And if not able to completely perceive a past humiliation as merely an embarrassing episode, perhaps with this semantic distinction you can view former demeaning or degrading experiences through a less biased, more understanding and forgiving, lens.

4. Illustrates a Method for Engaging Change and Managing Criticism. The final “purpose and power” exercise dynamic comes from the interactive process itself. Worth noting is how quickly the groups overcome their initial reticence; members are willing to share more intimate and seemingly vulnerable self-portraits. Perhaps one person takes the lead, but soon all are ready if not clamoring to follow. People fairly quickly seem less self-conscious; in short order, meaningful sharing and a degree of transparency becomes the norm. Clearly, the group process undergoes rapid and significant transformation. Might this phenomenon have some implications for helping people in general grapple with significant and scary change? How often are we reluctant to engage in new practices or procedures or to break out of a comfort zone for fear of being judged by self and significant others? Once again, a process that enables you to defang humiliation, to laugh with embarrassment while sharing common imperfection and humanity just might be a formula for being a more brave beginner or a resilient risk-taker. Most important, whether a novice or an “old dog,” you’re generating a learning curve by challenging the “Intimate FOE: Fear of Exposure.”

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Finally, wearing a capacity for embarrassment with purposeful and playful pride is not just a life jacket for keeping your head above water while negotiating a stormy sea change; it’s also a protective vest for blunting hostile slings and arrows. Remember, an ability to laugh at your own flaws and foibles means beating those biased, judgmental, “know it all” critics to the punch line: “Believe me; I can poke fun of myself a lot better than you ever can!” And these antagonists have lost their favorite target – an oversensitive ego.

In conclusion, an analysis of the “Share an embarrassing moment” Exercise reveals four powerful outcomes: 1) Highlights the Role of Cultural Diversity and Mutual Humanity, 2) Recognizes Misery, Mastery and Mirth Connection, 3) Differentiates Embarrassment from Humiliation and 4) Illustrates a Method for Engaging Change and Managing Criticism. For both the individual and the group, concepts and tools have been outlined for enhancing mutual understanding and camaraderie and for making an unexpected friend out of a long-standing FOE – by turning a “Fear of Exposure” into the “Fun of Embarrassment.”

Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is an acclaimed keynote speaker and "Motivational Humorist" known for his interactive, inspiring and FUN programs for both major corporations and government agencies.  Currently the Doc is leading Stress, Team Building and Humor programs for the 1st Cavalry and 4th Infantry Divisions, Ft. Hood, Texas.  Mark is the author of Practice Safe Stress and of The Four Faces of Anger.  See his award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" -- www.stressdoc.com -- called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR). For more info on the Doc's "Practice Safe Stress" programs or to receive his free e-newsletter, email stressdoc@aol.com or call 301-875-2567.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Reviewing my recent essay on “Compelling Communication and Leadership Performance,” I belatedly realized needing to better walk my talk and herd my words, especially in light of the essay’s theme. So here’s a streamlined version that hopefully convinces that on many occasions “less is more.”

Compelling Communication and Leadership Performance in a “TNT/3-D”Digital Age: Less Is More and Play to Strengths Pathway and Process

In this TNT – Time-Numbers-Technology – World and 3-D – Driven-Distracted-Disruptive – Digital Age – capturing people’s attention amidst all the competing sources of data and diatribe, entertainment and excess is no small feat. And then holding that ephemeral and excitable attention span borders on the extra-ordinary: consider this feedback from an hour-long, “Stress Resilience & Passion Power” keynote with a mix of Human Resource Managers and Professionals: Mark’s presentation was both “insightful and engaging”…. “very exciting and informative”…“very interactive and useful.” He has a way of captivating the audience and makes them want to hear more… Mark Gorkin is a must hear!

So what is the magic elixir when it comes to capturing people’s attention, by being captivating not just commanding? And believe me; it’s not just in my DNA, though some hypomanic tendencies probably play a role. Presentational understanding and skills have evolved in trial and error (if not occasional terror) fashion over decades. Here are four applied concepts you might want to add to your mindset and skillset: A. Less Is More…More or Less; and Play to StrengthsB. Try to Keep It Simple and SmartC. Stand Out…Don’t Just Be Outstanding; Be Out-Rage-ous Not Just “Out of the Box”D. Design an IC2 Platform for Creative Play, Performance, and Partnering

A. Less Is More…More or Less; and Play to Strengths

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So let me walk the talk and provide brief aphorisms and bullet points as well as stories to highlight “Less Is More”:

1. The Range, Reins, and Rewards of “Less Is More” a. Have an Initial Tight Program Outline and Be Ready to Let Go and Go with the Flow.

(1) You can’t do it all; choose the best, toss the rest; and often it’s a learning curve(2) Streamline on the fly; improvise based on audience response and time constraints(3) Recognize limits and imperfect resolution

b. Make the Audience Part of the Show. Learn to transition from a solo performer to a leader that transforms an audience into quartets and ultimately an orchestra. Generate meaningful educational and entertaining structures and activities. Your goal: to help individuals and teams bring out their best music while boosting mind and mood, motivation and morale.

c. “Less Is More” Payoff. Sometimes it pays to give folks just a brief taste of an intriguing leadership concept such as my “mind-mood” integrative creative communication model “Passion Power.” After briefly outlining the model for Human Resource leaders, we then moved into a social risk-taking exercise. We spent a considerable amount of time on the exercise, which was a big hit. Yet, when the Program Chair invited me to return in two months to speak on at the chapter’s annual conference, her requested topic, naturally, was “Passion Power.” Seems like providing less had them wanting more!

d. Less Is More…More or Less. Of course, when it comes to quantity and quality, sometimes less is less and more is more. However, I recall reading of a succinct apology to a contemporary by one of those noted 18th c. English scribes due to his verbiage in a correspondence: I’m sorry; I didn’t have time to write a brief letter.

Remember, you can’t do it all, that is, another “more or less” slogan; and perfection is an ideal if not an illusion. Establishing boundaries sets limits; it also provides borders, challenges, and demarcations to be purposefully surveyed, surmounted, or surpassed. With prescience and pith, acclaimed translator, James Falen, captures the power of constraint:

There are magic links and chainsForged to loose our rigid brains,Structures, structures, though they bind,Strangely liberate the mind.

2. “Less Is More” Means Being Pithy and Provocative, Palatable and Powerful

After you’ve selected the key program topic areas, the next challenge is to deliver the content in a manner that promotes the aforementioned FIT-ness: the experience is FUN-Interactive-Thought-provoking:

a. Introduce an Absorbing and Thought-Provoking Subject for Your Audience. A catchy and pithy introductory title helps, for example, “The Four Stages of Burnout” or “Combat Strategies at the Burnout Battlefront.” In a “TNT – Time-Numbers-Technology – world, a world that’s definitely “3-D” – Driven-Distracted-Disruptive – most people can personally relate!

b) Break It Down and Make It Digestible. Break down your concept into key or critical, readily identifiable pieces or examples; deliver the data or ideas with a substance and style that’s easy to take in – clear and concise, motivating and memorable – bullet-like components; two or three “smoke signals” from the first stage should suffice. For example:(1) Mental, Physical, and Emotional Exhaustion – e.g., you may be holding it together at work, but as soon as you get home, do you head for the fridge, get out the Haagen-Dazs and Ben & Jerry’s, turn on the tube, hit the sofa, and you’re comatose for the rest of the evening…or wish you could be?

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c.. Present Info and Ideas in a “Scannable” Format. When dealing with data overload, people want to take away important points without having to further strain their brain; make the message light and enlightening: People are less defensive and more open to a serious message when gift-wrapped with humor! Provide a supplemental handout for optional in-depth exploration. 3. “Less Is More” Means Emphasizing “How To” Strengths for Participants and Presenter. Consider these three realms for displaying action steps and strengths:

a. Accentuate Action Over Analysis. Follow the old 80:20 axiom: when dealing with a problem spend 20% of the time on problem description and diagnostics, 80% of time and energy in providing problem-solving tools and techniques. I don’t need tech support to educate me in detail about my hardware glitch; just get me up and running!

b. Facilitate the Sharing of Strengths. Once you establish your credibility as a concerned and knowledgeable leader, you really can loosen the reins and create forums/exercises that allow others to share and shine. If you need help in generating real and relevant exercises, I provide skills and tools coaching in this arena.

c. Recognize the Value of Multiplicity and Variety. Being a diversified presenter means playing such roles as an educator, an entertainer, as well as an emotional expression and empathy energizer. Beware confining yourself to just one presentational slot, e.g., lecturer. How about “Leading and Learning with “E”s: Educate and Energize, Entertain and Evangelize…and, whenever possible, applying all concepts in group Exercise; actually, more on the value of acronyms and rhyme shortly.) The challenge is not being one-dimensional. Variety is the “spice” and “rule” of life, learning, and leading. (I am not going to touch the fourth “l”…loving!)

d. Mostly Play to Your Strength. Still, when time is limited and the task is bounded, lead with your strengths. If strongest as an “Educator,” let this be your trump suit or default position. However, even if only for a short trial, inject one or two of the other “E”-roles in your presentation. Be unpredictable; defy expectations. Why?

(1) you capture people’s attention and generate on the edge anticipation,(2) pleasurable surprise releases pain-reducing and joy-enhancing brain chemicals like endorphins and dopamine; and while there are differences in temperament, brains hunger for if not crave the new and optimal variety(3) the continuous practice and expansion of range and repertoire builds your risk-taking and performance muscles; also, you achieve finer and finer definition especially as you evaluate and integrate audience feedback, that hard-earned source of adaptive wisdom, and finally,(4) as a risk-taking and variety generating role model, you are also illuminating an evolutionary, multifaceted mind-mood-muscle skill path for your audience. As Dr. Jonas Salk, the renowned founder of the polio vaccine, observed: Evolution is about getting up one more time than you fall down; being courageous one more time than being fearful; trusting just one more time than being anxious! Amen and women to that!

Closing

We have outlined three key components of “Less Is More…More or Less” and “Play to Strengths. These performance- and leadership-enhancing dynamics include:

1. The Range, Reins, and Rewards of “Less Is More”2. “Less Is More” Means Being Pithy and Provocative, Palatable and Powerful3. “Less Is More” Means Emphasizing “How To” Strengths for Participants and Presenter

And there’s a sure way of knowing you are hitting that “sweet spot”: When you give folks “less” they let you know that they want more!

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Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is a national keynote and webinar speaker and "Motivational Humorist & Team Communication Catalyst" known for his interactive, inspiring and FUN programs for both government agencies and major corporations.  A training and Critical Incident/Grief Intervention Consultant for the National EAP/Wellness Company, Business Health Services in Baltimore, MD, the Doc also leads “Stress, Team Building and Humor” programs for various branches of the Armed Services.  Mark, a former Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service, is the author of Resiliency Rap, Practice Safe Stress, and of The Four Faces of Anger.  See his award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" – www.stressdoc.com – called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR). For more info on the Doc's "Practice Safe Stress" programs or to receive his free e-newsletter, email stressdoc@aol.com or call 301-875-2567.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So WHY’s UP: 20 QUESTIONS or The Conscious-Courageous-Creative Answer

1. Why dredge up rage and shame?2. Why feel and reveal, instead of conceal, psychic pain?3. Why mourn, let go, and work with the same?

4. Why confront “The Intimate FOE: Fear of Exposure”?5. Why become more risk-taking; why learn The Art of Designing Disorder?6. Why tolerate living with uncertainty and vulnerability?7. Why become less dependent on another’s approval or on “respectability”?

8. Why learn to accept criticism without feeling so anxious, humiliated, or rejected?9. Why not just settle into the role or image that is typically expected?10. Why strive high and embrace failure…being home on the range with text and context?11. Why make the strange familiar, the familiar strange; the complex simple, the simple complex?

12. Why challenge superficial, narrow-minded, and self-righteous thinking or posturing?13. Why waste time in irrational, silly, fanciful, or out-rage-ous imagining or playing?14. Why evolve a capacity for tenderness and aggression, logic and intuition, meditation and dynamic expression…why embrace ambiguity and most contradiction?15. Why practice and synthesize diverse knowledge and ideas, talent and skills, experiencesalong with an array of emotions?

16. Why bother exploring, shaping, pursuing, and fighting for precious dreams…even when they may not be what they seem?

17. Why raise these questions every day of your life?18. Why share these questions every day of your life?19. Why should life be absurd and you be outrageous?20. Why…not? Because…

For the phoenix to rise from the ashesOne must know the painTo transform the fire to burning desire!

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Psychologist Salvatore Maddi’s Existential Position: Life is a series of decisions, each of which can be made in a direction that propels the person into future-oriented growth through new experience or pulls him back into the stagnation of a familiar past.

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