Consent & Relationship Behaviors Things that make or break our relationships!

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Consent & Relationship BehaviorsThings that make or break our relationships!Myth or Reality?I can change him/herAll you need is loveImproving communication skills can improve relationshipsYou can depend on your partner or others to make you happyThis relationship failed because I havent found the right person yetI cant live without him/herIt is normal to get so angry that you slap/hit/grab someoneYou always have to work at a relationship, even if it is healthy oneConsent What is it? Enthusiastic YES thats free from coercion:Manipulation or guiltRepeated askingThreats or Peer pressureBody language matches their words of YesOngoing conversation!Never assume because they said yes before, they continue to want it!Only YES means YES dont wait for a NOAcknowledge the awkward & ASK if unsure!Relationship DefinitionsRelationship:Bond or connection between two or more peopleList some of your relationships in each category:FamilyFriendsPeersPlatonic relationshipsRomantic relationshipWhat is Intimacy?EmotionalA spiritual or emotional connection with someone where you share goals, dreams, fears, hopes (sibling relationships, parent-child, friends) Physical A physical connection, usually involving some sort of physical expression between two people (dating relationships, marriages, committed couples)How do we improve our relationships?Practice Assertive Communication SkillsFocus on the problem, not the person!Accept people for who they areRemember you cant change anyoneIf you cant, move onSet a good example Be the kind of person youd want to be friends with!Be patient / Take a TIME OUTJust because things dont always go well doesnt mean the relationship is doomedTake a TIME OUT if you start getting angry (Dont make the other person lose so you can winKnow when its time to move onSometimes a relationship may never be healthy. Knowing when and how to end a relationship is important!Positive BehaviorsListening- this is key, it builds most of the restTrust, Respect & HonestyAssertive communication including Fighting FAIRLY, no name calling, holding grudges, etcGenuine Positive commentsCaring behaviorsAcceptance & Understanding Laughing & having fun togetherKeeping care/friendship/romance aliveShare common valuesNegative BehaviorsJealousyInsults/name callingGetting angry/losing temperThreatening (self or partner)Possessiveness/ ControllingBeing overly dependentUnrealistic expectationsNever pleased with anything you do (You always are late, you never call me back etc)Asks you to do things they are expected to do (chores, homework, etc...)Makes you feel bad about yourself more often than they make you feel goodRED FLAGS: Signs of an unhealthy relationship:Frequent use of anger and guiltIntimidation / Threats / EmbarrassmentMinimize, Deny, BlameAny Violence (emotional, sexual coercion or physical)IsolationDrug and alcohol abuseSexual coercion/manipulationGut feeling of sadness, discomfort, danger, or feeling drained when or after youre togetherTeen Dating Violence Facts1 in 11 teens reported being in a physically violent relationship last year1 in 3 report verbal, physical, emotional or sexual abuseLook at Power & Control Wheel The Line between caring and controlling (video link)Its On Us - No More PSAChoose Respect videoRisk Factors for Teen Dating ViolencePoor communication skillsInability to manage angerEarly age of first sexual experienceFriends and family members who experience dating violenceDrug and alcohol useAcceptance of the use of dating violenceLow self esteemBelief in traditional gender rolesIdentifying Healthy & Unhealthy Relationships practiceSarah & Jamie have been a thing for a few months now and are not yet officially dating. When they hang out, Jamie jokingly grabs Sarahs cell phone to see who else shes been texting. When Sarah tells Jamie to stop taking her phone, Jamie laughs and says, Whats the big deal, if you have nothing to hide then it shouldnt even matter! As Jamie looks through Sarahs phone, despite Sarah trying to get it back from Jamie, Jamie notices Sarah has been texting with her ex lately. Jamie suddenly goes from laughing to being jealous and withdrawn and throws the phone towards Sarah on the couch. Sarah asks whats wrong and Jamie says, I thought I could trust you! I cant believe youre texting your ex when you said you two were done! This is why you didnt want me to see your phone, isnt it?! I should have known you were a liar and a slut! I cant believe you would hurt me like this! I thought I was falling in love with you! Forget this, Im outta here! and then Jamie suddenly leave. Sarah is left feeling angry, hurt, and confused. What can we do to help?Listen to the victim, let them know you careNEVER blame the victim!Say something while the behavior is happening, like That is NOT ok!Ask the person being abused if they want help or have sought help866.834.4357 (HELP) 24/7 hotlinehttp://www.familycrisis.org/ Ok or No Way Game?Can you tell healthy from unhealthy behaviors in a relationship?Love vs. LustWe CentredTrust & HonestyFew bad fights Responsible (birth control, STD prevention)Private IntimacyAccepts the otherFriendship grows continuouslyGood CommunicationGrows over timeMe CentredJealousy/SuspicionLots of bad fightsIrresponsiblePublic IntimacyTries to change the personSexually Based Poor CommunicationFast relationshipWhat do I want in a Love relationship?Convince me that you understand love vs. lust and healthy relationships.What do you think romantic love feels like or looks like?How do you think you will know it is true love vs. lust or infatuation?What are all the characteristics you want in a long-term love relationship? Discuss must haves and deal breakersWhat exactly is lust? How do characteristics of lust fit into your ideas about love?Give examples (or non examples) from your lifes experiencesBreaking Up in a Healthy Way1. Make the decision to end it Think it through based on what is best for you overall2. Prepare for feelings of sadness/loss &Dont let uncomfortable feelings over the breakup prevent you from doing what is right for you3. Choose a neutral locationMeet up so both people arrive and leave separately4. Explain your reasonsLet them know where you are coming from5. Make the end final dont go back because you are lonely, guilty, etc6. Develop your other relationships including with yourself!Ending Relationships: Why they endTypical reasons:Changes in needs, goals, interests or valuesDifferences in what people want out of the relationshipUnmet expectations or personality issuesDifferences in sexual desires TROUBLE SIGNS:One person stops listening or becomes emotionally absentIncreases in unresolved conflictsStop enjoying time togetherFeeling the relationship is not worth savingANY physical, sexual or emotional abuseCase Study on BreakupsChris is a serious student who hopes to get an academic scholarship at a top-ranked college and has been dating Jesse for almost a year. Jesse is very interested in Chris and having a good time with friends. Jesse usually studies the night before an exam (if at all) and is happy with a C average in school. Jesse plans to get a job after high school. Lately, Chris & Jesse have had a bunch of fights over school, grades and how they spend their time. Chris cares about Jesse and wants Jesse to go to college. Jesse wants Chris to just relax about school. After a long night of talking about the future and their goals, Chris realizes that the relationship with Jesse should end.Case Study: QuestionsWhat signs exist that show the relationship is in trouble?Why does Chris want to end the relationship?How should it be ended?What should Jesse do after the relationship is over?Did you realize???Dr. Willard Harley discovered we tend to keep track of we are treated by others and have a bank account of sorts.For example, accounts go up when we are treated well and go down when we are treated poorlyIt takes 5-15 POSITIVE acts to counter the negative impact of just ONE harmful act or statementSee chart next pageRelationship Bank TransactionsDeposits:HumorAppreciationEncouragementHonestyGenerosityAcceptanceTrustUnderstanding WithdrawalsAngerCriticismSelfishnessDishonestyDisrespectJudgmentResentmentBetrayal Its much easier to maintain a healthy relationship than fix a broken one!Key PointsIts easier to maintain a healthy relationship than to fix a broken one.Healthy relationships make you feel good!Its ok to end a negative relationship!YOU DESERVE TO BE TREATED WELL in all relationships!***

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