communication in everyday life
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COMMUNICATION IN EVERYDAY LIFE. IDEAL CONDITIONS AND THE THREE MODES OF TALK!. Lecture 4b. A HUMANISTIC MODEL OF INTERPERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS. HUMANISTIC MODEL CONSIDERS FIVE GENERAL, IDEAL QUALITIES: 1. OPENNESS 2. EMPATHY 3. SUPPORTIVENESS. - PowerPoint PPT PresentationTRANSCRIPT
COMMUNICATION IN COMMUNICATION IN EVERYDAY LIFEEVERYDAY LIFE
COMMUNICATION IN COMMUNICATION IN EVERYDAY LIFEEVERYDAY LIFE
IDEAL CONDITIONS IDEAL CONDITIONS
AND THEAND THE
THREE MODESTHREE MODES
OF TALK!OF TALK!
Lecture 4bLecture 4b
A HUMANISTIC MODEL OF A HUMANISTIC MODEL OF INTERPERSONAL EFFECTIVENESSINTERPERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS
A HUMANISTIC MODEL OF A HUMANISTIC MODEL OF INTERPERSONAL EFFECTIVENESSINTERPERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS
HUMANISTIC MODEL CONSIDERS HUMANISTIC MODEL CONSIDERS FIVE FIVE GENERAL, IDEAL QUALITIES:GENERAL, IDEAL QUALITIES:
1. OPENNESS1. OPENNESS
2. EMPATHY2. EMPATHY
3. SUPPORTIVENESS3. SUPPORTIVENESS
4. POSITIVENESS4. POSITIVENESS:: POSITIVE ATTITUDE vs. CRITICAL ATTITUDEPOSITIVE ATTITUDE vs. CRITICAL ATTITUDE OPEN ACKNOWLEDGEMENT vs. SILENCEOPEN ACKNOWLEDGEMENT vs. SILENCE
5. EQUALITY:5. EQUALITY: GIVE OTHER PERSON UNCONDITIONAL POSITIVE REGARD vs. GIVE OTHER PERSON UNCONDITIONAL POSITIVE REGARD vs.
ACTING IN A SUPERIOR WAYACTING IN A SUPERIOR WAY SHARING SPEAKING AND LISTENING - SHOWING RESPECT BY SHARING SPEAKING AND LISTENING - SHOWING RESPECT BY
TAKING TURNSTAKING TURNS SOLVING PROBLEMS vs. WINNINGSOLVING PROBLEMS vs. WINNING
A HUMANISTIC MODEL OF A HUMANISTIC MODEL OF INTERPERSONAL EFFECTIVENESSINTERPERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS
A HUMANISTIC MODEL OF A HUMANISTIC MODEL OF INTERPERSONAL EFFECTIVENESSINTERPERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS
THREE TYPES OF TALKTHREE TYPES OF TALK
PROBLEMPROBLEM
CONNECT TALKCONNECT TALK
C.O.N.T.R.O.L.C.O.N.T.R.O.L.
TALKTALK BE RIGHTBE RIGHT
LIGHTLIGHT
HEAVYHEAVY
JUDGEMENT
REFLEXREFLEX
COMPLIANCECOMPLIANCE WITHDRAWALWITHDRAWAL
AGREEMENTAGREEMENTCOMPROMISECOMPROMISE
COLLABORATION COLLABORATION COMMITMENT COMMITMENT
D.I.A.L.O.G.U.E.D.I.A.L.O.G.U.E. TALKTALK SOLVE PROBLEMSOLVE PROBLEM
UNDERSTANDING
CHOICECHOICE
SELF- SELF-
MGT.MGT.
BASIC AGREEMENT, NO TENSION, BASIC AGREEMENT, NO TENSION, EXPECTATIONS CLEAR EXPECTATIONS CLEAR
SMALL TALK: CHATTY, SOCIABLE, CASUALSMALL TALK: CHATTY, SOCIABLE, CASUAL SIMPLE DESCRIPTIONS OF OTHER’S BEHAVIOR AND OF SIMPLE DESCRIPTIONS OF OTHER’S BEHAVIOR AND OF
EVENTSEVENTS JOKING, STORY TELLINGJOKING, STORY TELLING
ROUTINE DESCRIPTION OF SELFROUTINE DESCRIPTION OF SELF ACTIONS, PREFERENCES, OPINIONS, BELIEFSACTIONS, PREFERENCES, OPINIONS, BELIEFS
VOICE TONE - FRIENDLY, RELAXEDVOICE TONE - FRIENDLY, RELAXED
CONNECT TALK: ASSUMPTIONS CONNECT TALK: ASSUMPTIONS AND STYLEAND STYLE
SMALL TALK AS VITALSMALL TALK AS VITAL
TO DEVELOPING RELATIONSHIPSTO DEVELOPING RELATIONSHIPS ASSOCIATED WITH TRUSTASSOCIATED WITH TRUST DEMANDED IN SOME CONTEXTSDEMANDED IN SOME CONTEXTS
TYPES OF SMALL TALKTYPES OF SMALL TALK RITUAL TALK - GREETING/LEAVINGRITUAL TALK - GREETING/LEAVING PROCEDURAL TALK -PROCEDURAL TALK -MAKE PURCHASE/DO JOBMAKE PURCHASE/DO JOB
PASTIME TALK - SOCIAL OCCASIONSPASTIME TALK - SOCIAL OCCASIONS GENDER TALKGENDER TALK ““EVER BEEN TO…”EVER BEEN TO…” ““AIN’T IT AWFUL”AIN’T IT AWFUL” HOW TO….HOW TO…. DO YOU KNOW...DO YOU KNOW...
COMMUNICATION IN COMMUNICATION IN EVERYDAY LIFEEVERYDAY LIFE
COMMUNICATION IN COMMUNICATION IN EVERYDAY LIFEEVERYDAY LIFE
THREE MODESTHREE MODES
OF TALK!OF TALK!
Lecture 4CLecture 4C
THREE TYPES OF TALKTHREE TYPES OF TALK
PROBLEMPROBLEM
CONNECT TALKCONNECT TALK
REFLEXREFLEX
CC.O.N.T.R.O.L..O.N.T.R.O.L.
TALKTALK BE RIGHTBE RIGHT
LIGHTLIGHT
HEAVYHEAVY
COMPLIANCECOMPLIANCE WITHDRAWALWITHDRAWAL
AGREEMENTAGREEMENTCOMPROMISECOMPROMISE
JUDGEMENT
WHY C.O.N.T.R.O.L. TALK WHY C.O.N.T.R.O.L. TALK OCCURSOCCURS
A REACTIVE REFLEXA REACTIVE REFLEX NOT JUST ABOUT CONTENTNOT JUST ABOUT CONTENT ALSO ABOUT OUR SELF PRESENTATIONALSO ABOUT OUR SELF PRESENTATION IT’S ABOUT CONTROLLING OTHERS TALKIT’S ABOUT CONTROLLING OTHERS TALK
TO SUPPORT OUR SELF WHILE TALKING - “FACE”TO SUPPORT OUR SELF WHILE TALKING - “FACE” SOCIAL VALUES WE CLAIM FOR THEMSELVES SOCIAL VALUES WE CLAIM FOR THEMSELVES BY THE LINE BY THE LINE OTHERS ASSUMEDOTHERS ASSUMED WE’VE TAKEN IN THE WE’VE TAKEN IN THE
SITUATION. SITUATION. CHANGE THEM TO MAKE US FEEL RIGHTCHANGE THEM TO MAKE US FEEL RIGHT
NEED TO BE/FEEL RIGHT - MAJOR MOTIVATORNEED TO BE/FEEL RIGHT - MAJOR MOTIVATOR
WHEN C.O.N.T.R.O.L. TALK WHEN C.O.N.T.R.O.L. TALK APPEARSAPPEARS
RECOGNIZED POWER DIFFERENCES BETWEEN RECOGNIZED POWER DIFFERENCES BETWEEN PEOPLEPEOPLE
TEACH, COACH, MANAGE,SELL - TEACH, COACH, MANAGE,SELL - LIGHT C.O.N.T.R.O.L.LIGHT C.O.N.T.R.O.L. EXISTING CONFLICT SITUATIONSEXISTING CONFLICT SITUATIONS Struggle over Truth, Intentions, BlameStruggle over Truth, Intentions, Blame SMALL TALK TURNS INTO PROBLEM TALKSMALL TALK TURNS INTO PROBLEM TALK AGREEMENT SUDDENLY DISAPPEARSAGREEMENT SUDDENLY DISAPPEARS THESE “COMPLICATED” SITUATIONS EXIST IN THESE “COMPLICATED” SITUATIONS EXIST IN
EVERY ORGANIZATIONEVERY ORGANIZATION
Manage other/situationManage other/situation to to maintain my facemaintain my face
If I persist - If I persist - you changeyou change My story is obvious and is My story is obvious and is
the the truthtruth TruthTruth based on based on realreal data - data -
mymy datadata I have access to I have access to allall the the
datadata Heavy ControlHeavy Control I assume I know what you I assume I know what you
meantmeant You are toYou are to blame blame
ASSUMPTIONS ASSUMPTIONS OF C.O.N.T.R.O.L. OF C.O.N.T.R.O.L.
TYPETYPE
LL
II
GG
HH
TT
C.C.
O.O.
N.N.
ACTIVEACTIVE
LIGHT CONTROLLIGHT CONTROL
CRITIQUECRITIQUE
OFFER NEW OFFER NEW INFORMATIONINFORMATION
NEGOTIATENEGOTIATEA CHANGE A CHANGE IN OTHERIN OTHER
PASSIVPASSIVEE
COMPLAINCOMPLAINTT
OFFER OLD OFFER OLD INFORMATIONINFORMATION
NEGOTIATENEGOTIATEA CHANGE A CHANGE IN OTHERIN OTHER
LIGHT C.O.N.(LIGHT C.O.N.(T.R.O.L.) STYLE T.R.O.L.) STYLE ELEMENTSELEMENTS
CC. Critical Judgment. Critical Judgment I Talk From Critical JudgmentI Talk From Critical Judgment Our View Is Obvious And Right - Other Has To ChangeOur View Is Obvious And Right - Other Has To Change They Are Incorrect (Wrong Info Or Perspective); They Are Incorrect (Wrong Info Or Perspective);
Incomplete (Not Enough Info); Inappropriate (Unethical, Incomplete (Not Enough Info); Inappropriate (Unethical, Immoral)Immoral)
LIGHT C.O.N.(LIGHT C.O.N.(T.R.O.L.) STYLE T.R.O.L.) STYLE ELEMENTSELEMENTS
OO. Offer Them New Information. Offer Them New Information You-Messages: Tell Them Their StoryYou-Messages: Tell Them Their Story Ask Questions ONLY To Probe For Agreement And/Or Ask Questions ONLY To Probe For Agreement And/Or
Understanding Of My StoryUnderstanding Of My Story Listen For Leverage - For Agreement With Me Or Listen For Leverage - For Agreement With Me Or
Weakness In Their StoryWeakness In Their Story
LIGHT C.O.N.(LIGHT C.O.N.(T.R.O.L.) STYLE T.R.O.L.) STYLE ELEMENTSELEMENTS
N.N. Negotiate A Change In Them Negotiate A Change In Them No/Low Acknowledgement Of Their Story No/Low Acknowledgement Of Their Story No/Low Support For ThemNo/Low Support For Them Reframe Your ArgumentsReframe Your Arguments Around Their Apparent Around Their Apparent
Weakness, UncertaintyWeakness, Uncertainty Win CompromiseWin Compromise From Other From Other
OFFER NEW OFFER NEW INFORMATIONINFORMATION
YOUR DATAYOUR DATA YOUR PERSPECTIVES/ARGUMENTSYOUR PERSPECTIVES/ARGUMENTS
ADVICEADVICE TEACHINGTEACHING DIRECTIONDIRECTION POWER: “I’M IN CONTROL HERE AND I KNOW WHAT’S RIGHT.”POWER: “I’M IN CONTROL HERE AND I KNOW WHAT’S RIGHT.”
POSITIVE INDUCEMENTS TO CHANGEPOSITIVE INDUCEMENTS TO CHANGE PRAISEPRAISE IF...THEN PROMISESIF...THEN PROMISES LOW COMPULSIONLOW COMPULSION