* The first thing I learned after becoming an emergency doctor: In the lifesaving world there are no miracles.

Sudden injuries and illnesses attack people mercilessly, and change their lives irrationally.

With love and courage, patients can't be resuscitated.

What can save them are the practitioner's skill and epinephrine.

Exactly.

In the lifesaving world there are no miracles.

There are no miracles in the world of lifesaving.

It was the first thing I learned when I become a doctor.

The second thing I learned is, it is said that when in front of the patient, there is no doctor who doesn't wish for a miracle.

Yes.

It means that people can't help but wish for a miracles.

* When examining a patient with a severe bleeding, or more specifically, catching sight of senior doctor's accurate judgment in his field of expertise, and his swift ligature skills, the Fellowship members become dazed from realizing their own inexperience.

Then, the next thought follows.

"Is this really me?"

"No, it's not."

I want to believe it's not.

But, to begin with, what was the real me?

While looking for myself, what I found was miserable self becoming despicable.

But facing that self, whether I should come to a halt, appalled.

Or go one step forward.

Depends on oneself.

Whether the direction we're facing is in front of us or behind us, even that is no certain, but we want to take a step forward together with our useless selves.

* Why do people want to know the truth?

"A lie that brings good result is better than a truth that brings sorrow," is a passage from a book I read a long time ago.

Nonetheless, people want to know the truth.

And then, sorrow begins.

If I lie, I'd sometimes rather wish for you to see through my lie.

However, it's unforgivable for a doctor to lie.

Telling the truth is a doctor's job.

* Medical history.

Asking of the past illnesses is but one the important jobs of a doctor.

It can influence the diagnosis and change the treatment.

Yes.

It's the same for people.

All the time, people can influence by their past and get caught up by it.

A bitter past.

A painful past.

A sad past.

Occasionally, there are people who break away from their past.

But generally, people drag themselves through it.

But, what should we do?

The unexpected past, the past we're oblivious to.

When the moment it's suddenly encountered, what should people do?

* Doctors do all they can in order to cure their patients.

Putting their all experience, knowledge, and skills at work trying to pull patients from the depths of death.

And then, after all their great efforts, comes the knowledge.

"Nonetheless, sometimes they can't be saved."

Even if every single hand helps, there are times when it's hopeless.

At those times, the only thing you can do is...That's right, stay by their side.

By cuddling up and feeling them breathe, people can be healed.

However, what should we do when there isn't someone to cuddle up with?

* Speaking the truth is difficult.

People hide it for various reasons.

And the more you try to hide it, the more others try to open that door without knowing what is waiting for them there.

Dear persons hide the truth.

That is, trying not to hurt their partners, is a form of love.

Nonetheless, people try to expose those secrets.

And then, they regret it.

Why didn't they just keep quite?

* More then results the process of exerting oneself is important.

People grow up and realize how utter a lie that is.

People see nothing but results.

It makes sense for results to be bad if one slacks off.

The problem is when exerting oneself to the maximum and still get bad results.

At such times, what should people...what should we do?

Why are results such harsh things?

Six years in medical school, over 100 medical books.

All that time devoted preposterously, believing it was for the sake of saving patients in the future.

All that gets blown away once bad results appear.

With just one mistake, you lose everything.

And then, doctors hurt.

Since those bad results are chains, that bring unpredictable consequences along with them.

* Over 300 hours of work a month.

Research all night long.

Because of that you lose your friends and get neglected by your family.

Why do doctors sacrifice valuable things and work themselves to the bone?

Is it money?

Is it prestige?

What is that doctors work for?

What do we become the doctors for?

Is it the satisfaction of being needed by people?

Is it the sense of mission to save people?

No.

The real reason is for sake of our loved one's smiles.

For our patient's thankful words.

For those thing only, doctors sacrifice everything and work hard.

But, when we can't trust even anymore.

What should we do?

*Continuous suture. Horizontal mattress suture. Skin stapler. A surgeon knows of all kinds of ways to stitch an open wound.

But… the emotional scars. What can be used to stitch emotional scars?

There is no easy way to heal emotional scars. I just think of this way:

Wounds of the heart are undoubtedly necessary. That’s because bearing wounds in our hearts, we can become aware of other people’s pain.

*Medical practice is a succession of choices. Go into surgery whilst prepared for hemorrhaging or persist with the more conservative therapy.

In any case, at that fork in the road, once you choose, you can’t turn back. You can’t reset.

That is…the same with life. It’s a succession of uncertain forks in the road.

But…there’s no option but to choose and proceed down one road.

The crossroad in one’s life draws near mercilessly.

*There are no miracles in the world of lifesaving. I know that.

There is no doctor who doesn’t hope for miracles. I know that, too.

However, in this world situations exist; desperate ones in which words such as “miracle” don’t exist.

There are no miracles in the world of lifesaving. That’s a fact.

But, what’s a miracle to begin with?

Oneself and one’s family being healthy. To have something one can devote oneself to.

Having superiors and companions that correct your mistakes.

Having partners to which you feel don’t want to lose.

If we can call this sort of modest happiness a “miracle”, then this world we’re living in…might be overflowing with miracles.

We just don’t realize it. That’s right. They’re right beside us; a lot of miracles.