coaching techniquescognitive behavioural learn to · go to dummies.com® for more! master the...
TRANSCRIPT
Helen WhittenAccredited coach, mediator, facilitator, and trainer
Learn to:• Master the tools and techniques of
Cognitive Behavioural Coaching
• Coach yourself and others to greater success and happiness
• Use CBC techniques at home and at work
• Overcome negative thoughts and take responsibility for your actions
Cognitive Behavioural
Coaching Techniques
Making Everything Easier!™
UK Edition
Open the book and find:
• Clear explanations of what CBC is and what you can achieve with it
• Guidance on becoming a successful CB Coach
• Tools to help you develop assertive communication skills
• Help to recognise problematic thinking patterns and remove mental road blocks
• Tips on managing expectations and setting realistic goals for change
• Strategies to motivate yourself and others to change
• Advice on developing emotional intelligence
• Tips to help you develop and maintain healthy relationships
Helen Whitten is an experienced and accredited coach, mediator, facilita-
tor and trainer and is the founder and Managing Director of Positiveworks
a company providing coaching, development programmes, and facilitation
services to a wide range of clients. Helen regularly uses Cognitive
Behavioural and Neuro-Linguistic Programming approaches to produce
practical thinking systems to help individuals achieve greater potential in
their lives and careers.
£15.99 UK / $29.99 US
ISBN 978-0-470-71379-2
Self-help
Go to dummies.com®
for more!
Master the skills of Cognitive Behavioural Coaching to think differently and achieve moreCognitive Behavioural Coaching combines the highly effective strategies of CBT with the practical approaches of coaching to offer a sensible, solutions-oriented approach to mastering your thoughts and achieving your goals. Here expert author Helen Whitten explains the fundamental principles of CB Coaching and gives you the tools and techniques you need to help yourself and others to challenge unconstructive thoughts, take responsibility for your actions and enhance happiness, performance and achievement in all areas of your life.
• Understand the basics of CBC – learn how the technique has evolved, explore how the mind works and get to grips with the basic principles of CB Coaching
• Work through the coaching process – understand and develop the attributes of a CB coach and work through the coaching cycle, from developing a client relationship and challenging negative thoughts to managing set-backs and maintaining continuous progress.
• Tailor your CB Coaching toolkit for work and life – coach yourself to greater success personally and professionally, boost your confidence, improve relationships and recognise your potential
• Apply Cognitive Behavioural Coaching in organisations – introduce tools and techniques in to the workplace to improve your management skills and coach others to increase performance, improve communication and effectively handle conflict
UK Edition
Cognitive Behaviou
ral Coaching Techniques
Whitten
Spine: 21.25mm0.8366”
Cognitive Behavioural Coaching Techniques
FOR
DUMmIES‰
by Helen Whitten
Cognitive Behavioural Coaching Techniques
FOR
DUMmIES‰
A John Wiley and Sons, Ltd, Publication
Cognitive Behavioural Coaching Techniques For Dummies®
Published byJohn Wiley & Sons, LtdThe AtriumSouthern GateChichesterWest SussexPO19 8SQEngland
E-mail (for orders and customer service enquires): [email protected]
Visit our Home Page on www.wiley.com
Copyright © 2009 John Wiley & Sons, Ltd, Chichester, West Sussex, England
Published by John Wiley & Sons, Ltd, Chichester, West Sussex
All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmit-ted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning or otherwise, except under the terms of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 or under the terms of a licence issued by the Copyright Licensing Agency Ltd, Saffron House, 6-10 Kirby Street, London EC1N 8TS, UK, without the permission in writing of the Publisher. Requests to the Publisher for permission should be addressed to the Permissions Department, John Wiley & Sons, Ltd, The Atrium, Southern Gate, Chichester, West Sussex, PO19 8SQ, England, or emailed to [email protected], or faxed to (44) 1243 770620.
Trademarks: Wiley, the Wiley Publishing logo, For Dummies, the Dummies Man logo, A Reference for the Rest of Us!, The Dummies Way, Dummies Daily, The Fun and Easy Way, Dummies.com and related trade dress are trademarks or registered trademarks of John Wiley & Sons, Inc. and/or its affi liates in the United States and other countries, and may not be used without written permission. All other trademarks are the property of their respective owners. Wiley Publishing, Inc., is not associated with any product or vendor mentioned in this book.
LIMIT OF LIABILITY/DISCLAIMER OF WARRANTY: THE PUBLISHER, THE AUTHOR, AND ANYONE ELSE INVOLVED IN PREPARING THIS WORK MAKE NO REPRESENTATIONS OR WARRANTIES WITH RESPECT TO THE ACCURACY OR COMPLETENESS OF THE CONTENTS OF THIS WORK AND SPECIFI-CALLY DISCLAIM ALL WARRANTIES, INCLUDING WITHOUT LIMITATION WARRANTIES OF FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE. NO WARRANTY MAY BE CREATED OR EXTENDED BY SALES OR PRO-MOTIONAL MATERIALS. THE ADVICE AND STRATEGIES CONTAINED HEREIN MAY NOT BE SUITABLE FOR EVERY SITUATION. THIS WORK IS SOLD WITH THE UNDERSTANDING THAT THE PUBLISHER IS NOT ENGAGED IN RENDERING LEGAL, ACCOUNTING, OR OTHER PROFESSIONAL SERVICES. IF PRO-FESSIONAL ASSISTANCE IS REQUIRED, THE SERVICES OF A COMPETENT PROFESSIONAL PERSON SHOULD BE SOUGHT. NEITHER THE PUBLISHER NOR THE AUTHOR SHALL BE LIABLE FOR DAMAGES ARISING HEREFROM. THE FACT THAT AN ORGANIZATION OR WEBSITE IS REFERRED TO IN THIS WORK AS A CITATION AND/OR A POTENTIAL SOURCE OF FURTHER INFORMATION DOES NOT MEAN THAT THE AUTHOR OR THE PUBLISHER ENDORSES THE INFORMATION THE ORGANIZATION OR WEBSITE MAY PROVIDE OR RECOMMENDATIONS IT MAY MAKE. FURTHER, READERS SHOULD BE AWARE THAT INTERNET WEBSITES LISTED IN THIS WORK MAY HAVE CHANGED OR DISAPPEARED BETWEEN WHEN THIS WORK WAS WRITTEN AND WHEN IT IS READ.
For general information on our other products and services, please contact our Customer Care Department within the U.S. at 800-762-2974, outside the U.S. at 317-572-3993, or fax 317-572-4002.
For technical support, please visit www.wiley.com/techsupport.
Wiley also publishes its books in a variety of electronic formats. Some content that appears in print may not be available in electronic books.
British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data: A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library
ISBN: 978-0-470-71379-2
Printed and bound in Great Britain by TJ International Ltd., Padstow, Cornwall.
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
About the AuthorHelen Whitten is an experienced and accredited coach, facilitator, media-
tor, trainer and writer. She applies Cognitive Behavioural Coaching (CBC)
methodology to personal and professional development, enabling individuals
to develop confi dence, break through old patterns of behaviour and achieve
greater potential in their lives and in their careers.
Helen’s career began in publishing and historical research. In mid-life
she retrained and decided to work with people. She set up her company
Positiveworks Ltd, London, in 1993. By applying CBC models and strategies
to help launch herself in her new career, she became convinced of the power
of CBC to enhance confi dence and performance. She has since coached and
trained individuals and teams in major organisations throughout the world.
Helen’s philosophy is that positive people deliver positive results for them-
selves and those around them. She believes that people have the potential
to enhance every aspect of their life, happiness and performance when given
the right tools and techniques. Her aim is therefore to share her methods and
learning with as many people as possible.
Author’s AcknowledgementsI would like to thank my sons Rupert and Oli for their constant encourage-
ment and support over the years. They are a continuous source of delight
and wisdom – and new perspectives to challenge my thinking.
To my mentors Gladeana McMahon and Professor Stephen Palmer who
always provide me with both knowledge and support.
My clients from whom I continue to learn so much.
For the team at John Wiley, for their editorial comments, encouragement and
support in bringing this book to publication.
To my niece Antonia Fernand, who is also a coach, for her excellent editorial
comments and professional assistance.
Publisher’s Acknowledgments
We’re proud of this book; please send us your comments through our Dummies online registration
form located at www.dummies.com/register/.
Some of the people who helped bring this book to market include the following:
Acquisitions, Editorial, and
Media Development
Project Editor: Simon Bell
Content Editor: Jo Theedom
Commissioning Editor: Samantha Spickernell
Publishing Assistant: Jennifer Prytherch
Copy Editor: Kim Vernon
Technical Editor: Gladeana McMahon
Publisher: Jason Dunne
Executive Project Editor: Daniel Mersey
Cover Photos: © Simon Holdcroft / Alamy
Cartoons: Ed McLachlan
Composition Services
Project Coordinator: Lynsey Stanford
Layout and Graphics: Carl Byers,
Reuben W. Davis, Nikki Gately
Proofreader: Laura Albert
Indexer: Becky Hornyak
Contents at a GlanceIntroduction ................................................................ 1
Part I: Introducing Cognitive Behavioural Coaching ....... 7Chapter 1: The Principles behind CBC ............................................................................ 9
Chapter 2: The Basics of CBC ......................................................................................... 21
Chapter 3: Agreeing the Aims and Scope of CBC ......................................................... 45
Chapter 4: Assessing the Attributes of the CB Coach ................................................. 63
Part II: The CBC Process ............................................ 79Chapter 5: Sounding Out the First Session ................................................................... 81
Chapter 6: Challenging Unconstructive Thoughts .................................................... 101
Chapter 7: Managing Setbacks and Obstacles ........................................................... 117
Chapter 8: Focusing on the Final Session and Continuous Development .............. 129
Chapter 9: Managing Self: Developing Self-Confi dence ............................................. 143
Part III: The CBC Toolkit in Work and Life ................ 161Chapter 10: Exploring Your Client’s Potential ........................................................... 163
Chapter 11: Working with Relationships .................................................................... 179
Chapter 12: Making Choices and Decisions................................................................ 197
Chapter 13: Achieving a Healthy and Balanced Lifestyle ......................................... 213
Chapter 14: Managing Career Transitions .................................................................. 233
Chapter 15: Meeting the Manager as Coach ............................................................... 251
Chapter 16: Addressing Performance Issues ............................................................. 267
Part IV: Applying CBC in Organisations .................... 289Chapter 17: Exploring Emotions and Communication in the Workplace ............... 291
Chapter 18: Coaching Teams ........................................................................................ 315
Part V: The Part of Tens ........................................... 333Chapter 19: Ten Ways to Develop a Positive Focus .................................................. 335
Chapter 20: Ten Ways to Accept You’re Human ....................................................... 341
Chapter 21: Ten Imagery Exercises to Develop Confi dence ..................................... 347
Appendix ................................................................. 357
Index ...................................................................... 361
Table of ContentsIntroduction ................................................................. 1
About This Book .............................................................................................. 1
Conventions Used in This Book ..................................................................... 2
Foolish Assumptions ....................................................................................... 2
How This Book Is Organised .......................................................................... 3
Part I: Introducing Cognitive Behavioural Coaching ......................... 3
Part II: The CBC Process ....................................................................... 3
Part III: The CBC Toolkit in Work and Life .......................................... 4
Part IV: Applying CBC in Organisations .............................................. 4
Part V: The Part of Tens ........................................................................ 4
Appendix ................................................................................................. 4
Icons Used in This Book ................................................................................. 5
Where to Go from Here ................................................................................... 5
Part I: Introducing Cognitive Behavioural Coaching ........ 7
Chapter 1: The Principles behind CBC . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .9Investigating the Evolution of CBC .............................................................. 10
Moving from CBT to CBC .................................................................... 11
The development of positive psychology ........................................ 12
Focusing on Solutions ................................................................................... 12
Thinking about Thinking .............................................................................. 13
Putting thoughts into perspective ..................................................... 14
CBC questioning methods ................................................................. 15
Understanding the mind–body connection ...................................... 16
Accepting Our Common Humanity ............................................................. 17
Developing self-acceptance ................................................................ 18
Seeking excellence and not perfection .............................................. 19
Chapter 2: The Basics of CBC. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .21Starting in the Mind ....................................................................................... 21
Understanding the process from thoughts
to feelings to behaviours ................................................................. 23
Thinking backwards: From action to thought process ................... 25
Reviewing thoughts and expectations: Yours or your parents’? ... 28
Tackling Thinking Errors .............................................................................. 33
Recognising where your mind deceives you .................................... 34
Gaining perspective to develop emotional intelligence.................. 37
Cognitive Behavioural Coaching Techniques For Dummies xiiIdentifying Choices and Options ................................................................. 40
Evaluating what drives you ................................................................ 41
Updating your viewpoint and discovering new choices ................. 42
Chapter 3: Agreeing the Aims and Scope of CBC. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .45Defi ning CBC ................................................................................................... 46
Seeing what CBC is .............................................................................. 46
Realising what CBC isn’t ..................................................................... 47
Identifying Aims, Objectives, and Benefi ts ................................................. 49
Considering confi dentiality ................................................................ 50
Analysing aims and scope .................................................................. 51
Bashing out the benefi ts of coaching ................................................ 52
Measuring outcomes ........................................................................... 53
Talking about terms and conditions ................................................. 53
Knowing Your Limits ..................................................................................... 57
Checking the boundaries: When to refer on..................................... 58
Trying CBC yourself ............................................................................. 59
Preparing for CBC Sessions .......................................................................... 60
Considering the basics ........................................................................ 60
Getting the venue ready ...................................................................... 61
Setting up support systems and resources ...................................... 61
Chapter 4: Assessing the Attributes of the CB Coach . . . . . . . . . . . . . .63Considering Starting Points .......................................................................... 63
Beginning with you .............................................................................. 64
Remembering codes of conduct ........................................................ 65
Working through your prejudices ..................................................... 66
Considering how your client sees you .............................................. 68
Sussing out supervision and support systems ................................ 69
Realising that the Client Comes First .......................................................... 71
Seeing your client’s potential ............................................................. 72
Managing your ego needs ................................................................... 74
Developing Your Personal Coaching Style ................................................. 75
Being in fl ow ......................................................................................... 75
Creating personal energy for mutual success .................................. 76
Being prepared ..................................................................................... 76
Part II: The CBC Process ............................................. 79
Chapter 5: Sounding Out the First Session . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .81Explaining the Process of CBC ..................................................................... 81
Exploring the session structure ......................................................... 83
Building rapport ................................................................................... 86
xiii Table of Contents
Working Out Where You Are Now ............................................................... 88
Seeing how you got where you are today ......................................... 89
Entering a process of change ............................................................. 90
Identifying Your Client’s Goals .................................................................... 94
Moving from problems to solutions .................................................. 96
Using actions and tasks between sessions ....................................... 98
Chapter 6: Challenging Unconstructive Thoughts . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .101Accepting that Expectations Take You Up and Take You Down ........... 101
Adjusting to life not always being the way you want .................... 103
Getting to the bottom of things: The downward-arrow model .... 105
Observing tell-tale words and phrases ........................................... 108
Seeing that logical people can be illogical ...................................... 110
Checking inferences about power ................................................... 111
Transforming Thoughts to Achieve Goals ............................................... 113
Redressing thoughts about a relationship ..................................... 114
Transforming the approach to situations....................................... 115
Chapter 7: Managing Setbacks and Obstacles. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .117Accepting that Things Don’t Always Work Out the Way You Expect ... 117
Managing when your client doesn’t follow through ...................... 119
Overcoming unpredictable events .................................................. 120
Engaging the Demotivated Client .............................................................. 122
Checking the relevance of your client’s goals ................................ 123
Evaluating the approach ................................................................... 125
Asking for Help ............................................................................................. 127
Gaining other perspectives isn’t a weakness ................................. 127
Using diffi culties as opportunities for discovery ........................... 128
Chapter 8: Focusing on the Final Session and Continuous Development . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .129
Encouraging Your Client to Feel Confi dent about the Future ................ 130
Introducing the OVER TO YOU model ............................................ 131
Identifying steps and strategies ....................................................... 134
Seeing Self-Coaching as a Way of Life ....................................................... 136
The client’s internal coach ............................................................... 136
The continuous journey of adjustment ........................................... 138
Completing the Coaching Process ............................................................ 139
Reviewing the coaching programme ............................................... 140
Agreeing future access and actions ................................................. 141
Cognitive Behavioural Coaching Techniques For Dummies xivChapter 9: Managing Self: Developing Self-Confi dence . . . . . . . . . .143
Building Self-Confi dence ............................................................................. 144
Worrying less about others’ opinions ............................................. 144
Exploring limiting beliefs .................................................................. 144
Checking for evidence ....................................................................... 146
Updating self-perception................................................................... 148
Measuring Scales of Confi dence ................................................................ 150
Journaling practices to acknowledge and
record achievements ..................................................................... 151
Bringing in the Big I and little i model of perspective ................... 153
Using Constructive Thinking to Boost Confi dence ................................. 155
Contrasting unhelpful with helpful thoughts ................................. 155
Developing new ways of thinking .................................................... 157
Becoming the change: Acting practice............................................ 158
Part III: The CBC Toolkit in Work and Life ................ 161
Chapter 10: Exploring Your Client’s Potential . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .163Thinking About Possibilities ...................................................................... 164
Brainstorming your client’s life........................................................ 165
Going beyond today’s limiting perspectives .................................. 167
Following the examples of other people’s success ....................... 169
Setting Achievable Goals ............................................................................ 170
Applying models for change ............................................................. 171
Biting one mouthful at a time: The step-by-step strategy
to success ........................................................................................ 173
Overcoming Hurdles ................................................................................... 174
Developing resilience ........................................................................ 176
Visualising success using imagery .................................................. 176
Chapter 11: Working with Relationships . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .179Understanding the Relationship Dance .................................................... 179
Communicating Assertively ....................................................................... 180
Practising the principles of assertiveness ...................................... 181
Picking out patterns of relating ........................................................ 182
Using the I’m okay, you’re okay model ........................................... 185
Using the three-step assertiveness model ...................................... 187
Articulating needs: Assertive isn’t the same as aggressive .......... 188
Acknowledging How Expectations Impact on Relationships ................. 189
Checking underlying beliefs ............................................................. 190
Getting rid of ‘should’, ‘ought’, and ‘must’ ..................................... 190
Developing thoughts and expectations
to become more assertive ............................................................. 193
xv Table of Contents
Being One’s Best Self in Relationships ...................................................... 193
Choosing the thought and emotion to manage situations ........... 194
Changing the relationship dance step by step............................... 195
Chapter 12: Making Choices and Decisions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .197Focusing on Factors That Infl uence Decisions ........................................ 197
Understanding why people make decisions ................................... 198
Uncovering decision-making styles ................................................. 198
Using the decision review ................................................................. 199
Appreciating the role of values in decision-making ...................... 202
Getting real ......................................................................................... 204
Generating Options ..................................................................................... 206
Looking at lateral perspectives ........................................................ 206
Thinking about thinking styles ......................................................... 207
Seeing that PRACTICE makes perfect .............................................. 208
Actioning and Reviewing ............................................................................ 209
Overcoming procrastination ............................................................ 210
Enjoying the journey ......................................................................... 211
Chapter 13: Achieving a Healthy and Balanced Lifestyle. . . . . . . . . .213Balancing Work and Life ............................................................................. 214
Living the LIFE Act model ................................................................. 215
Finding balance with the 3As model ............................................... 216
Discovering enjoyment in routine tasks ......................................... 217
Feeling in control ............................................................................... 218
Achieving quality of life = achieving quality of work .................... 219
Managing the BlackBerry age ........................................................... 223
Maintaining Optimum Energy through a Long Day ................................. 226
Energising your mind ........................................................................ 226
Taking breaks to refresh mind and body ........................................ 226
Ditching Bad Health .................................................................................... 228
Putting yourself fi rst .......................................................................... 229
Getting off the sofa: Routines for maximum well-being ................ 229
Chapter 14: Managing Career Transitions. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .233Working through Career Changes ............................................................. 234
Considering the continuous interview ............................................ 234
Adjusting to a new role ..................................................................... 237
Keeping an Eye on Career Progress .......................................................... 241
Taking steps on the career ladder ................................................... 241
Managing mergers and structural changes .................................... 243
Being Ready for the Open Road ................................................................. 246
Making redundancy work ................................................................. 246
Preparing for retirement ................................................................... 247
Cognitive Behavioural Coaching Techniques For Dummies xviChapter 15: Meeting the Manager as Coach. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .251
Introducing a Coaching Culture into Your Workplace ........................... 251
Comparing traditional and CBC management ................................ 252
Clarifying boundaries ........................................................................ 253
Making time for performance management ................................... 254
Managing privileged information ..................................................... 257
Understanding How to Ask, Not Tell ......................................................... 258
Adapting your coaching style .......................................................... 259
Motivating and encouraging your staff ........................................... 262
Developing a Coaching Culture ................................................................. 264
Discovering the journey of continuous development ................... 264
Knowing when to let go ..................................................................... 265
Chapter 16: Addressing Performance Issues . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .267Managing Feedback and Assessment ........................................................ 267
Practising performance and assessment ........................................ 268
Accepting personal accountability .................................................. 273
Reviewing personal performance and development ..................... 275
Managing Time ............................................................................................. 277
Considering personal perspectives of time .................................... 278
Getting organised ............................................................................... 279
Delegating and empowering others ................................................. 281
Working with Others to Achieve Results .................................................. 284
Considering everyday contact ......................................................... 284
Being on show .................................................................................... 286
Part IV: Applying CBC in Organisations ..................... 289
Chapter 17: Exploring Emotions and Communication in the Workplace . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .291
Tuning In to Emotional Signals .................................................................. 292
Gauging emotions .............................................................................. 292
Hijacking emotions ............................................................................ 292
Becoming aware of physical changes ............................................. 294
Seeing how thoughts drive feelings ................................................. 294
Logging emotions ............................................................................... 295
Developing Emotional Intelligence ............................................................ 296
Exploring the impact of emotions in business ............................... 297
Thinking constructively .................................................................... 300
Handling healthy and unhealthy emotions .................................... 300
Uncovering the Consequences of Stress in the Workplace ................... 301
Managing stress with the 3As model ............................................... 304
Identifying symptoms of stress ........................................................ 304
Understanding strategies to manage stress ................................... 307
xvii Table of Contents
Investigating the Impact of Emotions on Communication ..................... 308
Building bridges across differences ................................................ 308
Managing confl ict ............................................................................... 310
Managing anger .................................................................................. 311
Planning emotions ............................................................................. 312
Chapter 18: Coaching Teams . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .315Planning CBC for a Team ............................................................................ 316
Designing coaching sessions ............................................................ 317
Checking clarity of purpose ............................................................. 319
Leveraging Diverse Approaches ................................................................ 321
Identifying styles and strengths ....................................................... 321
Understanding the role of the manager or team leader ............... 323
Appreciating expectations and accountability .............................. 325
Encouraging teamwork, not competition ....................................... 327
Aligning Action for Common Goals ........................................................... 328
Pulling together through challenges ............................................... 328
Using the power of optimism ........................................................... 331
Part V: The Part of Tens ............................................ 333
Chapter 19: Ten Ways to Develop a Positive Focus. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .335Avoid Living in an Imagined Future ........................................................... 335
Be Specifi c – Don’t Generalise .................................................................... 336
Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life ................................................ 336
Don’t Catastrophise .................................................................................... 337
Focus on Your Strengths and Achievements ........................................... 337
Get Evidence – Don’t Assume .................................................................... 338
Keep Things in Perspective ........................................................................ 338
Stop Letting Emotions Lead to Conclusions ............................................ 339
Think Flexibly ............................................................................................... 339
Try Not to Label ........................................................................................... 340
Chapter 20: Ten Ways to Accept You’re Human . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .341Comparing Yourself with Others Isn’t Worth the Effort ......................... 341
Everybody’s Unique .................................................................................... 342
Everyone Needs Help Occasionally ........................................................... 343
Life Always Has Its Challenges ................................................................... 343
Nobody’s Body’s Perfect ............................................................................ 344
Not Everyone’s Watching You ................................................................... 344
The Perfect Human Being Doesn’t Exist ................................................... 344
We’re All Fallible .......................................................................................... 345
You Never Achieve Complete Approval ................................................... 345
You Need to Belong – Just Like Everyone Else ........................................ 346
Cognitive Behavioural Coaching Techniques For Dummies xviiiChapter 21: Ten Imagery Exercises to Develop Confi dence. . . . . . . .347
Beginning to Trust ....................................................................................... 348
Being Visible and Seen ................................................................................ 349
Imagining Your Way to Success ................................................................. 350
Losing Bad Habits with Aversion Imagery ............................................... 350
Managing Sickness ....................................................................................... 351
Motivating Yourself ..................................................................................... 352
Planning to Manage Situations ................................................................... 352
Putting Life in Perspective ......................................................................... 353
Relaxing the Mind to Relax the Body ........................................................ 353
Using Morning Mindfulness Imagery ......................................................... 354
Appendix ................................................................. 357Useful Contacts ............................................................................................ 357
Books ............................................................................................................. 359
Index ....................................................................... 361
Introduction
Cognitive behavioural coaching, or CBC, brings together the practice of
coaching with the concepts and methods underlying cognitive behav-
ioural psychology. In a nutshell, cognitive behavioural psychology works on
the premise that how you think impacts on how you feel – and that how you
feel impacts on your behaviour and the actions you take. For example, if you
think ‘I’m not sure that I can do this’, you may feel uncertain of your abilities
and competence. This uncertainty is likely to make you hesitant and the end
result may be procrastination.
Coaching is a process that supports a client in achieving their life and work
goals and in being the person they want to be. A cognitive behavioural (CB)
coach provides an environment and process that facilitates this end, focusing
on how the client’s current thoughts and approaches may limit the achieve-
ment of goals. Through using CBC models and questions, the client develops
new ways of thinking and behaving that are more aligned to their objectives.
You may have heard of cognitive behavioural therapy and wonder how CBC
differs. Put simply, CBC is solutions-focused and not remedial. In the past 20
years, psychologists have moved on from treating people with specific prob-
lems such as ‘neurosis’, ‘psychosis’, or ‘paranoia’ and applied psychology
in everyday life to help people make the most of themselves and their lives.
CBC has evolved as a method to enable anyone, at any stage of their life, to
develop thinking patterns and behaviours that support their goals.
In this book I aim to provide a background to CBC and to introduce you to
techniques that you can apply as a coach, in your own coaching sessions.
Alternatively, you may be a manager wishing to coach your team, or someone
who is interested in self-coaching. I have applied all the methods in this book,
with clients or in my own life. I hope that you find the experience as informa-
tive and helpful as I have.
About This BookI have worked in the CBC field for many years and am continuously delighted
by how CBC can enhance a person’s life. CBC opens doors to perceptions and
provides insights about yourself, others, and the world. CBC shows you how
your thoughts may trip you up. Providing the key to those doors and helping
a person move forward is some of the most fulfilling work a CB coach does.
2 Cognitive Behavioural Coaching Techniques For Dummies
Training in CBC showed me personally how I limited myself in so many ways
through thinking habits that were negative, critical, or full of self-doubt. The
important thing I discovered, and have shared with many clients, is how often
our thoughts have no basis in reality. In this book I provide models and meth-
ods that check whether your client’s thoughts are rational or supposition.
CBC aims ultimately for the client to become their own coach. As a CB coach,
you share your knowledge and techniques so that your client can continue
their journey alone, challenging themselves and devising strategies for suc-
cess. This process is an empowering one. I hope that you enjoy reading this
book and discovering how you can apply these concepts for yourself.
Conventions Used in This BookTo help you to gain the most from this book and be able to pick up informa-
tion as quickly and effectively as you can, I use certain conventions:
✓ I refer to a cognitive behavioural coach as a CB coach.
✓ I refer to the person being coached as the ‘client’, whether they are in
a formal coaching session or a member of staff being coached by their
manager.
✓ The case studies are taken from specific experiences of CBC but are not
a direct representation of any one particular client.
✓ Arbitrarily, I have decided to use the term ‘him’ in even-numbered chap-
ters and ‘her’ in odd-numbered chapters to demonstrate that coaching
is inevitably inclusive of both genders.
✓ I used italics to indicate key concepts.
Foolish AssumptionsI assume, though I may be wrong, that some of the following applies to you:
✓ You are a coach or a manager who wants to get more out of the people
with whom you work.
✓ You’ve heard something about CBC and want to know what all the fuss
is about.
✓ You want handy tools and techniques to apply in coaching sessions.
3 Introduction
✓ You are a curious and sensitive person with an interest in the potential
of human beings.
✓ You realise that CBC can help people achieve their goals and that you
are interested in applying it.
✓ You know that these techniques can also be applied for self-coaching.
How This Book Is OrganisedThis book is designed for you to be able to dip in and out and pick up tips
and techniques as speedily as you need. You don’t have to read it cover to
cover. You may have a specific issue with a client and want ideas about how
to manage it. Alternatively you may be seeking background information on
coaching and cognitive behavioural methodology. Just pick the chapter that
looks most relevant to you – but don’t let that stop you reading it from start
to finish if that is what you prefer.
I have divided the book into five parts, as follows:
Part I: Introducing Cognitive Behavioural CoachingIn this part I introduce the fundamental principles of CBC and show you how
different patterns of thinking impact on a person’s behaviours and decisions
in life. I introduce specific models of thinking – ‘thinking errors’ – that show
that not all thoughts are rational or helpful. I demonstrate how CBC has
developed over centuries, originating in Stoic philosophy and applied today
as a way of thinking and a way of life. I also introduce the aims, scope, and
boundaries of CBC, explore what being a CB coach involves, and show the
importance of your client’s participation and their responsibility for their
own continuous development.
Part II: The CBC ProcessIn this part I take you on a coaching journey from undertaking a coaching
assignment to the final session. I explain the importance of agreeing terms,
expectations and responsibilities and how to develop trust and collaboration
between you and your client. I consider the importance of listening and work-
ing at your client’s pace, how to be sensitive to specific ‘tell-tale’ words that
4 Cognitive Behavioural Coaching Techniques For Dummies
illustrate limiting beliefs and how to apply the CBC questioning process to
unlock new approaches. I show that no one can be a ‘perfect’ coach and that
you, like everyone else, are fallible and need supervision and support.
Part III: The CBC Toolkit in Work and LifeIn this part I introduce specific aspects of coaching that you may encounter
as you go through the CBC process, including enabling a person to under-
stand and manage themselves and to develop confidence so as to be able to
develop their ability to broaden their goals and perspectives. I cover the all-
important area of relating to others, and managing and respecting their own
needs alongside respecting the needs of others. I offer hints about helping
your client develop choices for work and life within the long-term context of
their whole life, and I show that CBC is a lifetime’s journey that your client
can continue on their own, as their own coach.
Part IV: Applying CBC in OrganisationsIn this part I focus specifically on workplace issues and introduce some of the
topics that clients are likely to raise in such sessions. I explore career transi-
tions such as promotion, redundancy and retirement, and cover how to help
clients to maintain peak performance under pressure of targets and work-
load. I also cover managing other people, including issues such as conflict,
influencing, motivation, and building effective and creative teams.
Part V: The Part of TensIn this section I give lots of quick reference hints and tips. These include ways
to help people develop a positive focus and imagery exercises to develop
confidence. I provide gentle reminders to you, as the coach, to remember that
both you and your client are human and fallible. We all screw up occasionally
because everybody does so I include tips about self-acceptance and continu-
ous development.
AppendixHere you find an ABCDE form that you can apply as a CB coach, as well as
a list of useful organisations and websites that provide further information
about CBC.
5 Introduction
Icons Used in This BookI use the following icons in this book so that you can quickly identify which
areas of the book are relevant to your needs.
This icon highlights practical advice for applying the techniques of CBC.
This icon indicates a client story or experience that illustrates a specific issue
that has arisen within a session and that you may also encounter.
This icon indicates an area that you may need to consider carefully within
sessions.
CBC touches on many broad and deep areas of life and work and this icon sig-
nals that you may want to reflect on this information further between sessions.
This icon emphasises important points to remember during CBC sessions
Background detail on CBC which enhances your understanding of the subject.
Not essential, but useful.
Where to Go from HereI suggest you take a look through the table of contents and then flick through
the whole book to get a feel of the topics covered and familiarise yourself
with the layout. In this way you may spot sections that jump out at you and
look interesting. You may want to bookmark those pages that appear to be
most relevant to you.
The main thing is that you feel in control of this book: this book is not in con-
trol of you! You can pick it up and use it exactly as you want to. You can mark
areas that you want to remember, scribble in it, highlight tips, and turn down
pages. Most of all, relax, stay curious, and enjoy the process.
6 Cognitive Behavioural Coaching Techniques For Dummies
“Now for a start, we have to get rid of your negativepatterns of thought about the world.”
Part IIntroducing Cognitive
Behavioural Coaching
In this part . . .
This part introduces the basics of CBC, and shows you
how different patterns of thinking impact on your
behaviour and the decisions you make. In it I introduce
specific models of thinking and show that not all thoughts
are rational or helpful.
I also introduce the aims, scope, and boundaries of CBC,
explore what being a CB coach involves, and show how
important it is that your client participates and takes
responsibility for their own continuous development.
Chapter 1
The Principles behind CBCIn This Chapter▶ Focusing on solutions and the future
▶ Watching and evaluating thoughts
▶ Understanding the evolution of CBC
▶ Accepting oneself as fallible
Some fundamental principles and concepts underpin the practice of CBC.
These principles developed from cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT),
whose founders were Aaron Beck and Albert Ellis.
The keystone principle of CBC derives from Epictetus, who was a Greek
Stoic philosopher. Stoic philosophy promoted theories of mind that encour-
aged the development of logic and self-control as a way of living life wisely.
Epictetus lived in the first century AD and stated that ‘people are disturbed
not by the things that happen, but by the views which they take of those
things’ – that is, your own thoughts and opinions shape your feelings about
and reactions to an event. By accepting this principle, the individual takes
personal responsibility for her own reaction to a situation, whether she is
stuck in traffic or made redundant, on the understanding that another person
may have a different viewpoint and therefore a different reaction. This atti-
tude opens up new perspectives and approaches to everyday events. The
client learns to become an observer of her own thoughts and can assess
whether those thoughts help her to achieve her life and work goals.
As the client investigates her thoughts, she may discover that the mind leads
her astray occasionally, and therefore she exaggerates difficulties, fears situ-
ations that may never happen, or assumes that someone has a bad opinion
of her although she has no concrete evidence of the fact. The CBC process
applies what is known as Socratic dialogue, which is a form of philosophi-
cal enquiry that originated from the Greek philosopher Socrates. In Socratic
dialogue, the questioner explores the implications of the opinions and state-
ments of the other person, in order to stimulate rational thinking and insight.
Applied in CBC, this form of questioning is designed to reveal the reality of a
10 Part I: Introducing Cognitive Behavioural Coaching
situation rather than a ‘twisted’ version of it. The aim is to develop thoughts
that are both realistic and in perspective. The process encourages the
individual to develop more self-enhancing and supportive ways of viewing
the world so as to manage life’s challenges. The questioning aims to help a
person analyse her thoughts and, should she in some way not come up to her
own standard or expectations, to accept herself as a fallible human being.
In this chapter, I explain some of the theories and concepts underlying CBC,
and introduce models that you can apply to the situations that your clients
bring to coaching sessions.
Investigating the Evolution of CBCCBC evolved from cognitive behavioural therapy, or CBT. In addition, sports,
acting, and singing coaching have all influenced CBC, as have theories of
motivation and goalsetting. The focus of CBT is on treating people with disor-
ders. In CBC, we shift the focus to helping people develop and achieve their
goals. This transition has been influenced by interest in personal growth and
by the focus of organisations on learning and development as a means to
productivity. My own definition of CBC is ‘an alliance of cooperation between
client and coach. The coach supports the client in developing and achieving
the specific goals and objectives identified by the client at the outset. The
focus in CBC is developing constructive thoughts and behaviours to support
action towards the identified goals.’
Unlike therapy, coaching focuses on the present and the future. Coaching
applies problem-solving methods to enhance happiness, performance, and
the achievement of personal objectives. CBC focuses specifically on analysing
the thoughts and behaviours the client applies to a challenge, and checks
whether the client’s approach supports or limits her efforts. As thoughts
and behaviours are a part of every human endeavour, CBC can therefore be
applied to address any situation your client brings to her coaching sessions,
such as:
✓ Enhancing performance at work
✓ Developing confidence
✓ Taking action to achieve specific goals
✓ Gaining perspective
✓ Developing thoughts and behaviours to develop skills
✓ Managing situations more effectively