coaching day2
TRANSCRIPT
AgendaTiming Activity
09.30 Welcome, review of previous day & contract, assignments
09.45 Working in Triads - Delivering feedback, SMART goals
9.55 Tools - Anti-Goals & Costs and Pay-Offs
11.15 Break
11.30 Tool - Time Management
12.10 Tool - T-GROW model
13.00 Lunch
13.45 Tool - BE-Do-Have formula
14.30 Tool- Team Mapping
15.15 Break
15.30 Selecting your goals for the programme, setting up co-coaching relationships and how the next 3 months will run
16.45 Questions, review of the day
17.00 Close
How you agreed to work together. Any changes?
Confidentiality - Chatham House rules
Mobile phones off/ on silent
Honesty
Commitment to the programme and process
Flexibility
Time Keeping - not keeping others waiting
Listening
Respect
Non Judgmental
So what is coaching? - recap
“Coaching focuses on future possibilities, not past mistakes”
“Unlocking a person's potential to maximise their own performance, helping them to learn rather than
teaching them”
Gallwey, 2000
Giving feedback - Consider how much to give & when to give it
Communication about:
– Performance– Effect on others
To make a
person more aware of:
– What they do– How they do it
Provide feedback on: Feedback
Behaviour NOT the person
Observation NOT inference
Description NOT judgement
Sharing ideas and information NOT giving advice
Exploring alternatives NOT providing answers
Giving Feedback requires
CourageSkill
Understanding Self-respect Respect for others
CHECK:Is feedback welcomed
and agreed?How does the other
person want feedback?Has it been accurate?
Value for the receiver NOT release for the giver
What Went Well/Even Better If - Feedback formula
Ask coach to say WWW then EBI for them Listen Ask coachee to say WWW then EBI Give your own feedback WWW then EBI (as action points) End with a summary of the positives Avoid rambling discussions
Observers:
SMART Goals: The acronym SMART has a number of slightly different variations, which can be used to provide a more comprehensive definition for goal setting:
S - specific, significant, stretching M - measurable, meaningful, motivational A - agreed upon, attainable, achievable, acceptable, action-oriented R - realistic, relevant, reasonable, rewarding, results-oriented T - time-based, timely, tangible, trackable
Once you have agreed a goal with your coachee, It is important to consider whether his/her goals Are SMART goals:
Well defined
Clear to both parties what is involved
Specific
Measurable
Agreed upon
Realistic
Time based
Is goal obtainable? How far away is completion?
Know when it has been achieved
Agreement with the coachee what the goals should be
Within the availability of resources, knowledge and time
Enough time to achieve the goal
Not too far ahead that the coachee may lose impetus
Anti-Goals “I’ve been chasing this dream for ever and I’m still no where near it”
“Doing everything I can and everything I can think ofBut never seem to getAnywhere”
Concept: Anti-goals are often present when we keep trying to change or create a particular outcome, yet never seem to make much headway.
A person may have carefully considered all the reasons why they want to experience a particular outcome. They may be steadily working towards that goal, but always encounter the same blocks or never quite make enough progress. In this case we would want to investigate if they have any Anti-GoalsKey questions:
What is it that you want/ are trying to do? What could go wrong if you achieved it?
Anti-Goals “I’ve been chasing this dream for ever and I’m still no where near it”
“Doing everything I can and everything I can think ofBut never seem to getAnywhere”
Lets explore an example:Why I want my own place
1. More privacy, feel independent2. Away from hostel - which I really don’t like3. Feel it’s a move in a better direction
Why I don’t want my own place1. I’m frightened of being alone2. I don’t know if I can handle the responsibility3. I might not be able to pay my rent
What’s happening here?
Anti-Goals “I’ve been chasing this dream for ever and I’m still no where near it”
“Doing everything I can and everything I can think ofBut never seem to getAnywhere”
Moving towards something you want is way more powerful than trying to get away from something you don’t want
You also have a far higher chance of success - why?
Coaching triad activity 1 - anti-goals
1 person to coach, 1 to receive coaching,
1 to observe
Coachee identifies a goal, issue or circumstance
where they feel blocked
Coach begins anti-goal investigation process
Agree an action to move situation forward
Observers run a short feedback session
Keep to task and to the point, & be aware of time
Avoid rambling conversations
Costs & Pay-Offs
Identifying the gap is the first step to transforming ambivalence
Creates a Gap Between a client’sDesire, goal or Objective and itsOpposing force
Concept: When a client is stuck on an issue, or unresolved about moving forward or resistant to taking any steps, this tool is very helpful. It encourages the client to start creating a gap in their mind between something they want and its opposing force. The opposing force might be a behaviour, a habit, apathy etc.
Costs & Pay-Offs
Identifying the gap is the first step to transforming ambivalence
Creates a Gap Between a client’sDesire, goal or Objective and itsOpposing force
All this tool requires is to start work with questioning:
Ask client to identify what they think might be getting in the way of Key questions: Ask client to clarify something that is important to them; an ambition, a goal or something that would improve the quality of their life
Ask client to identify what they think might be getting in the way of
Costs & Pay-Offs
Identifying the gap is the first step to transforming ambivalence
Creates a Gap Between a client’sDesire, goal or Objective and itsOpposing force
Client wishes to be re-united with childrenObstacle:Client has substance abuse addiction and needs to be clean in order to achieve desire
Question set AWhat would happen if you achieved your goal? (explore this as fully as possible)How would that make you feel?What do you need to do first?How will you do that?What does it cost you to get clean? What does it cost you to not do that? (explore this as fully as possible) What else?
What’s the pay-off (benefit) for getting clean?What’s the pay-off for not getting clean?
Example:
Costs & Pay-Offs
Identifying the gap is the first step to transforming ambivalence
Creates a Gap Between a client’sDesire, goal or Objective and itsOpposing force
Costs & Pay-offs discussions do not need to necessarily be resolved or lead to actions in a session. They are a way of unlocking an individual’s thinking or shifting ambivalence. It is usual for a client to remember the discussion and carry on the debate for days after the session, there-by deepening the gap between their desire and its opposing force, which can lead to an action or step instigated by client towards their chief goal.
Example:
Coaching triad activity 1 - costs & pay-offs
1 person to coach, 1 to receive coaching,
1 to observe
Coachee identifies a goal, issue or circumstance
where they feel blocked
Coach begins costs & pay-offs investigation process
If coachee identifies a ‘gap’, ask them to rate out of ten
how strong it is (if 1 is low, 10 is high). A question might be:
“ how strongly do you feel the wish to achieve that (goal)
right now?”
Observers run a short feedback session
Keep to task and to the point, & be aware of time
Avoid rambling conversations
Time Management Wheel
Satisfaction rating
1. Individually, consider each section of the wheel from your personal point of view. How much of your time is devoted to it?
2. Marking out of ten ( if 1 is low, 10 is high) how satisfied do you feel with the current situation?
Health& Exercise
Caring for
others/ Seeing
to other’s needs
Preparing mealsEating Well
Quality timeSelf developmentCreative pursuits
Work/Career
SleepingRest &
Relaxation
Friends and Social life
Process
3. What conclusions can you
Draw from your responses?
What would you change?
What actions can you take?
Finding the balance
Coaching triad activity
1 person to coach, 1 to receive coaching,
1 to observe - swap roles
Ask coachee to talk through their time management wheel
Which areas need attention or are not in balance?
Does coachee consider change in any area necessary?
Agree a new possibility or some action/s that will constitute
an improvement
Tools that might help: Anti-goals and Costs & Pay-offs
Feedback session run by observer
REALITY
Testing:
Who, what, where?
How much?
TGROW Coaching Model - a framework for running a coaching session
Copyright circle indigo
THEME
Initial
understanding
WILL
Clarity
Commitment
support
GOAL
For the session
OPTIONS
What’s possible
TGROW 1
The Theme for the session is what the client would like to discuss. Typical themes may be career, life balance,
self- confidence, relationships, environment, money, and health. After a few sessions with the coachee, a coach
may have a good idea of the themes the client may want to discuss, however the coach must take care not to
come to the session assuming they know what the coachee wants to discuss or with the their own agenda,
The Goal. The coach should define one goal that could resolve the issue when it is achieved. State the outcome
to be achieved by the end of the session Define how far in time and progress this outcome will take the client towards
their goal.
TGROW 2
Reality: The coach will need to question the coachee to understand the factors that are impacting on the goal
and it’s achievement.
Where are you now in relation to this goal?
How great is your concern?
Who else is affected by this issue?
What action have you taken so far?
What stopped you going further?
What resources (skill, time, money) do you need?
Where could you acquire them and by when?
TGROW 3Options: At this stage, the coach can start looking at the options the client has for reaching their goal.
Make sure the coachee includes all ideas, no matter how unlikely or wacky they may seem. It is about
thinking creatively and not in our usual patterns
How many different ways could you approach this?
List all of the alternatives and rule out nothing:
What solution seems best to you – why?
How will this give you the result that you seek?
.
TGROW 4
Will: (wrap-up) This stage of the model is about where the coachee moves from exploring possibilities
into deciding on actions. It is important here that it is the coachee who says what action they will take
and by what time, to ensure that the commitment is strong.
Will you agree to select one option?
When will you make it happen?
What is your level of commitment on a scale of 1 – 10?
If less than 10, what will it take to raise your level o commitment?
At the end of the session the coach should repeat the agreed action and the timescale
back to the coachee as confirmation that you understand their commitment.
Coaching triad activity - TGROW
1 person to coach, 1 to receive coaching,
1 to observe - swap roles
Ask coachee to identify an issue
Use TGROW model to run a short coaching session
Agree a new possibility or action
Feedback session run by observer
When we are thinking from a disempowered position, when tend to fantasise about the thing or things that we believe would make a significant difference to our current circumstances and, by extension, a difference to who we think we are and how we experience life.
We place ourselves in the HAD - DO – BE Mode.
Be - Do - Have
HAD
DO
BE
Typical examples are:
If I had more money I would buy a bigger house with more space and then I would feel less hemmed inIf I earned more money, I would buy nicer clothes and feel more confident
If I had more time, I would exercise more and feel more healthyIf I had someone to go out with, I would get out more often, make new friends, watch less television, eat less snack food and have a more satisfying life
If I looked better, I would have more confidence in myself and be more out-going
If I had better luck, I’d be doing something else and feeling richer and more successful
Be - Do - Have
HAD
DO
BE
The emphasis of this tool is to establish what the coachee expects to feel once they have achieved their end goal and getting them to have that feeling NOW.
Be - Do - Have
WISH
If I had more money I would buy a bigger house with more space and then I would feel less hemmed in
BE-DO-HAVE CONVERTER CONVERSION
Ask coachee to choose: KEY STATEMENT/ PRIORITY ISSUE
What are the priority issues:
Have more money?
New House?
Feeling free and uncluttered?
Ask coachee to place in order of priority
1. FEELING FREE AND UNCLUTTERED2. HAVE MORE MONEY3. MOVE TO A NEW HOUSE
TAKE CLIENT’S TOP PRIORITY STATEMENT
FEELING FREE AND UNCLUTTERED
SET A TASK
What adjustment or modification could they make to their circumstances/ life/ relationships RIGHT NOW that can sustain the feeling of ‘free and uncluttered’
CONVERSION STATEMENT
Feeling free and uncluttered
VISUALISATION
GET CLIENT TO VISUALISE FEELING FREE AND UNCLUTTERED NOW. Use visualisation techniques so they can engage with the actual feelings of ‘free and uncluttered’
CONVERSION STATEMENT
‘I feel free and move in spaciousness”Get client to create some affirmations and new possibility statements around their visualisation
Coaching triad activity - be-do-have converter
1 person to coach, 1 to receive coaching,
1 to observe - swap roles
Ask coachee to identify an issue
Use Be-do-have converter tool to run a short
coaching session
See if you are able to get your coachee to feel
differently about their issue
Feedback session run by observer
Team Mapping 1
Behind any endeavour great or small is usually a team of people who provide a part of the jigsaw to achieve the completed picture. We are all involved in many teams seeking to achieve a variety of aims and purposes everyday. Often these teams are over lapping. The point here is to understand that in order to achieve a certain outcome, we need to know:
1. Who is involved?2. What role they are playing and contribution they are making, and 3. Who has the greatest stake in seeing the desired outcome achieved?
The person/ people with the greatest stake in the outcome need to be providing the leadership and motivation to the others.
Team Mapping 2
Lets imagine a scenario
Your client has a housing benefit issue, which needs sorting out immediately as they risk being evicted.
Who has the greatest stake in the outcome?Who needs to be providing the leadership and motivation to achieve this outcome?Who else is on the team?What kind of leadership might they need?What kind of motivation might they need?What might de-motivate them?What might jeopardise leadership or alienate the team?
Team Mapping - 2
Who can provide constructive support?
Who can provide emotional support?
What constructive support do I need to give?
What emotional support do I need to
give?
What’s
At stake?
What’s the impact of my positivity/ negativity?
How will I feel if I don’t achieve this outcome?
What can I do next?
Who’s the Team
Leader?
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Coaching triad activity -Team Mapping
1 person to coach, 1 to receive coaching,
1 to observe - swap roles
Ask coachee to identify an issue
Use Team mapping tool to run a short
coaching session
See if you are able to get your coachee to be clear
who should lead and what needs to be done
Feedback session run by observer
Coaching tips - Making stories - 1
We all have ‘stories’ about life, our experience, the world, other people,
colleagues at work etc. They are seldom ‘true’, except from our own
perspective. They are influenced by the information released to us by our RAS
And therefore biased, distortions of the truth to varying degrees.
The more we repeat them, the more they appear to be true.
We can also have a vested interest in maintaining them.
Coaching tips - Making stories 2
Reasons why we create stories:
To avoid getting into trouble (excuses for being late, etc) A
To get what we want (Of course I love you! Actually you’re just convenient for sex) B
To have a reason for not having to meet a challenge ( I’m not working: employment is just another word for exploitation. I’m scared) C
To avoid taking responsibility for one’s own life and implementing change (there’s no point doing anything, It’ll all go wrong, it always does) D
Coaching tips - Making stories 3
The personal issues these stories represent are:
Personal Power (giving your power away) A Personal Power (exerting it over/ manipulating others) B Fear based on rejection C and Fear based on focusing on negative past experiences D
The Co-coaching programme - a reminder
3 months total:
Initial 2 days coaching tools and methodologies training Co-coaching partnerships of pairs or triadsSetting own goals to raise levels of personal motivation, understand resistance to change and ways of moving forwardPracticing coaching tools & methodologiesTrainer support6 week period
Day 3 review co-coaching, tools and methodologies Learn some new tools and techniques Review own goals, strengthen co-coaching relationships
Continue co-coaching partnerships of pairs or triadsPracticing coaching tools & methodologiesTrainer support6 week period
Day 4 review co-coaching, tools and methodologiesLearn some new tools and techniquesCase studies/ apply tools
End of programme
You now have 10 -15 minutes to work on your own and select a minimum of three goals that you will pursue during the 3 month co-coaching programme
Make sure the goals are robust, worth doing,
challenging and that they will add value to your life by pursuing and accomplishing them
Later your co-coaching partner will discuss them with you and test them!
Selecting your goals
3-5goals
10 -15minutes
GiveValue
Goals:1. One goal to be short term - that
you can achieve within one week report back to your co-coaching partner and me by email
2. One goal to be Long term - either to be achieved by the end of the programme, or beyond.
3. One mid-term goal to be achieved by the next training session in 6 week’s time
You are free to choose more goals, but make sure you don’t try to take on too much
Selecting your goals
3-5goals
10 -15minutes
GiveValue
One co-coaching session each per week, 20-30 minutes each. Can be in person, or by phone If coaching by phone, coachee always makes the call Back to back calls - coachee calls, end session. Wait five minutes. Swap roles: New coachee calls back. Agree the date and time of your first session today Swap phone numbers and email addresses. Email your goals to your coaching before your first session
Review each other’s goals now ensure they are robust, worth doing, challenging and that they will add value to your coachee’s life by pursuing and accomplishing them.
Test them! You can use well-formed outcomes and TGROW for
this
Setting up your co-coaching relationship
Weekly
20 -30minutes
GiveValue
You must email me after your first session to inform me that it has taken place.
Include a list of your own goals and how you think the session went. Revise your ‘Letter from the future’. Make sure you post a copy to your
coaching partner and to me.
You can email me any time to answer any coaching questions you may have
If we agree it is necessary, we can discuss any issues further by phone I need everybody’s email address today Take a note of my email address now:
Visit the website www.stewartlanecoaching.com there is a forum for coaching questions and discussions - feel free
to raiseAny coaching related questions you may have
Keeping in contact with Stewart
WeeklyEmail update
Website
Support