clarity

Department of Biological Sciences, NUS 1

Revising for ClarityDavid Kellogg

6 July 2015

04/15/2023 Department of Biological Sciences, NUS 2

Which sentence is clearer?

• Diverse regulatory pathways influence mitochondrial dynamics through these proteins, with phosphorylation, sumoylation and proteasome-dependent and independent degradation playing prominent roles.

• Diverse regulatory pathways show an influence on mitochondrial dynamics through these proteins, with phosphorylation, sumoylation and proteasome-dependent and independent degradation playing prominent roles .

(Modified from MacVicar and Lane 2014)


Why is the second sentence clearer? • Topic? • Vocabulary? • Sentence Length? (21 words versus 24 words)


Let’s try another

• We have recovered 11 point mutations at the hth locus that share the unusual property that they segregate phenotypically wild-type plants at a high frequency when homozygous mutant plants are allowed to self-fertilize. (Lolle et al. 2005)

• Lolle and colleagues observed frequent true reversion of hothead (hth) mutations of Arabidopsis thaliana, whereby up to 10% of the progeny of self-pollinated homozygous hth/hth mutants carried a grandparental HTH allele. (Comai and Cartwright 2005)

• Recovery of whole genome sequences from single cells greatly facilitates the study of microbial ecology and evolution because the majority of microorganisms cannot be obtained in pure culture. (Marcy et al. 2007)


Sentences are unclear when

we have to think about them


Who is speaking?

• We have recovered . . . (Lolle et al. 2005)• Lolle and colleagues observed . . . (Comai and

Cartwright 2005) • Recovery . . . facilitates . . . (Marcy et al. 2007)


Is this sentence unclear?

• Most of the analysis in this area has already been performed in the process of preparing this talk.


Is this better?

• We already performed most of the analysis as we prepared this talk.


What’s the difference?

• Most of the analysis in this area has already been performed in the process of preparing this talk.• We already performed most of the analysis as we

prepared this talk.



• Most of the analysis in this area has already been performed in the process of preparing this talk.• We already performed most of the analysis as we

prepared this talk.



• Most of the analysis in this area has already been performed in the process of preparing this presentation.We already performed most of the analysis as we prepared this presentation.


Characters

• Subjects are characters• “We” versus “analysis.” Which is clearer?


Character and Clarity

• All sentences have characters• All sentences have subjects• We expect sentences to have the main character in

the subject and not elsewhere• Where the character is elsewhere, we perceive that

sentence as unclear


Clear and Unclear Characters• Clear• People• Institutions• Events

• Unclear• Abstractions• Processes


The first principle of clarity• Make your characters (those that perform actions)

the grammatical subject• This means, in general,• Favor concrete over abstract• Introduce the subject early

JUST MAKING SUREYOU’RE AWAKE


The Sentence Core

• Subject + Verb• (Sentence = Subject + Predicate)• (Sentence = Noun Phrase + Verb Phrase)


Controlling Word

• Recovery of whole genome sequences from single cells greatly facilitates the study of microbial ecology and evolution because the majority of microorganisms cannot be obtained in pure culture.• Recovery . . . facilitates


How Many Actions?

This component will chiefly involve a description and qualitative evaluation of the study data collection process.


How Many Actions?

• This component will chiefly involve a description and qualitative evaluation of the study data collection process.

• 17 words, 6 actions, 1 verb.


When is an action not an action?• When it is a nominalization• Nominalizations are noun or adjective forms of

verbs (nominalization is a nominalization of the verb to nominalize)


Action and Clarity

• All sentences express an action• All sentences have verbs• We expect sentences to express the action in the

verb and not elsewhere• Where the action is distributed in other parts of the

sentence, we perceive that sentence as unclear


The Second Principle of Clarity

• Express your actions in the verbs


Grammar and Meaning

Subject Verb

Character Action


Clues to Revision

• Excessive nominalization• Strings of prepositional phrases• Noun strings (“study data collection process”)


Why we need Nominalization• Science frequently nominalizes• Science is about naming processes• Many technical terms are nominalizations• You can’t eliminate nominalization entirely; nor

should you


The First Two Principles of Clarity• Put your main characters in the subject• Express your actions in the verbs


Alternately

• Make the sentence core visible• Make the sentence core meaningful


Character and Meaning

Grammar (fixed)

Subject Verb

Meaning (variable)

Character Action


How clear is this sentence?

• During Plasmodium falciparum malaria, signs of severe anemia, respiratory distress, and cerebral malaria, or combinations thereof, are common.

• (Vogt et al. PLoS Pathogens 2006;2(9):e100. doi:10.1371/journal.ppat.0020100)


During Plasmodium falciparum malaria,

signs

of severe anemia, respiratory distress, and cerebral malaria,

or combinations thereof,

are common.

11 Words


The Three Principles of Clarity

• Express your actions in verbs• Put your characters in subjects• Put your verbs right after your subjects


Alternately

• Make the sentence core visible• Make the sentence core meaningful• Make the sentence core compact

clarity

Education

sentence unclear

sentence length

proteasome dependent

hth locus

independent degradation

mitochondrial dynamics

diverse regulatory pathways

prominent roles