Childless older women:Combating a deficit identity?

Dr Jill Reynolds, The Open University

Symposium: Governmentalism through the production of deficit identitiesInternational Society of Critical Health Psychology conference , Adelaide April 2011

What is a deficit identity?An identity defined in terms of lack – what a person is not

– in the case of childlessness:

• Not a mother• Not a parent• Not a grandparent• Without a family• Not a real woman

‘Not a real woman’

• Old women who never married or had children are depicted as deviant in cultural narratives of womanhood because they violate the norms of women’s traditional family life course, and they are thus invisible in the female life cycle (Allen and Pickett 1987).

• Allen, K.R. and Walker, A.J. 2006, in Calasanti, T.M. and Slevin , K.F. (eds) Age Matters: Re-aligning Feminist Thinking

‘Lost generation of abandoned pensioners’ The Telegraph, 2010

Millions of divorcees could find themselves alone, with some effectively abandoned by adult children who live miles away. The "breakdown“ of

the family also means youngsters no longer feel duty bound to support their parents if they do not get on.

Current generations are "unwilling“ to provide care such as washing. dressing, cooking and shopping if they live far away, or simply do not get on with their parents.

Since the introduction of means testing in the early Nineties, the number of elderly people receiving residential care has halved. Around 2.5 million people have a care need – defined as

requiring help to carry out basic tasks such as dressing, eating or washing - of whom 1.2 million receive support from council social services.

Constructions of people alone without family51

I: A lot of family. You started to talk a little about the different things you do. What do you think of when you hear the words quality of life?

 

R: I suppose I’m quite lucky, I mean going out on a Monday and my family around me more or less. I hear other people talking and they are very lonely. So I think I’m lucky.

Constructions of people alone without family

28

Interviewer: Do your son and daughter live nearby?

Subject: They live in Guildford; one lives in Sheephook Road and the other lives in York Road.

Interviewer: You are very lucky aren't you?

Subject: Well I am, yes. I am able to go and visit them and make a fuss of them and leave them and let the parents get on with it.

Constructions of people alone without family82

Interviewer: But your grandchildren and your sons and daughters how often do you meet as a family?

Subject 2: Christmas everyone would normally get together

Subject 1: They will all be here at Christmas anyway

Interviewer: Yes and birthdays or?

Subject 2: birthdays

Subject 1: Celebrate in general you know

Interviewer: You are very lucky having all your family round

Subject 1: Yes...

Do you have any children? well I, I don’t like being asked if I’ve got children [mm] ’cos, I

just, it, I remember T asking me once, it was a stupid, it was just one of those daft little things, it was kind of (.) ove over Christmas lunch once, and it was kind of jolly conversation [mm] you know, and then suddenly he sort of turned to me and said ‘Have you got children?’ and I said ‘No, I haven’t’ [mm] and he said ‘Oh’ (laughs) – that’s you done, that’s you finished. I didn’t know what to say, and I didn’t know what to say [yes, yes] and it was kind of, it, it just sort of changed the mood, and we had to go on to something else ’cos [yes] I didn’t feel like, he didn’t know what to, if he should ask anything next, and I didn’t feel like, explaining, being def, having to defend [yes] my position

Any children?

• Out of the 12 women now over 60 only three talked of a definite decision made earlier not to have children.

• Several said ‘it just didn’t happen’ • Some did not have confidence in their marital

relationship at a time when they might have thought of children

• One was sterilised because her husband didn’t want children

• One told when 23 that the chances of having children were very remote

The book is my baby –1P In fact I remember when I got my first book published, I

took it home, as one does, you know, a copy home and said ‘There you are mother, you know, look what I’ve’, and we were sort of in the family front room, and she picked it up, looked at the cover, and said ‘That’s nice dear’, and put it on the table, that was it, this is my big moment you know, this is like I’ve born this child, which is the equivalent in the family terms, ‘that’s very nice dear’, I was devastated, I went straight round to my aunt, who I was very close to, and said ‘How could she do that to me?’

The book is my baby – 2 C And I got a text book out of it which is still going so that is

like something I can hold in my hand and think well that came out of it a – hah- and when I went away travelling two or three years ago to see a friend who was doing VSO in [overseas] and we went away for a weekend it was just with a group of the people and she said I’d like you to meet these other volunteers and one of them two of them were [health care workers in my speciality] and I said ‘Oh I’d be really interested to talk to them’ so we were introduced and one of them said ‘Claire – what’s your surname’ and this sounds really big-headed but she said I thought it was so funny ‘You’re not the Claire X’ and she was from Australia and she said it was a standard textbook on our course [Oh terrific!] yes so I felt really pleased yeah that was really good to hear that.

The book is my baby – 3 C So that was like my baby really. [yes] Yes won’t have as

long a life as a child who er grows up but I think the average they say books last about ten years [yeah well that’s] I’ve done a second edition since I was here but um dunno we’ll see.

The book is my baby – 4 J Well in view of your saying that this question’s my last

one [hh hh hh] you might like to know you may see some links. I’m just interested in any sense you have of legacy as in what it might be and who might be important in terms of a legacy? I don’t mean financial gifts particularly.

The book is my baby – 5 L Just in what you’ve done in your life? [yes] Something

that would remain? Um I think the thing that I’m most pleased I did I wrote a book um and it was all about it was about [text deleted] visually impaired people [mm] and it was all based around oral history um with 61 people [mm] um from people in their it was published in 2006 it was people in their 80s right through to schoolchildren now and they were all each one was written up as a self-contained story um and there was a certain amount of documentary history as well surrounding the stories but it was basically an oral history. And I feel pleased that I did that because I feel that perhaps nobody else would have done it [mm] […]

The book is my baby – 6 L [...] I’ve written a lot of books I’ve written 23 books

[wow] um and it’s funny with books isn’t it because you don’t know whether they’re having an effect on anybody you don’t know what they’re doing but when I’ve met people they’ve sometimes said to me ‘Oh I was really [mm] you know really taken with your book or that chapter’ or whatever so you just hope that perhaps some of it will have contributed to disability studies [yeah] helped in some way

Identity work 1J Yes huh huh [huh huh huh] so that’s quite a few things

that [mm] that kind of make life good [mm] and make lead you to think .. better than than ever

L I think I think I sort of feel a bit (.) er although I’ve got lots to do and I’m busy and everything I do some I’m not quite sure the direction I want my life to go in I um I kind of feel almost that I need to have some substantial project but then I think oh perhaps it’s just a habit of having projects [huh huh] you know hm hm perhaps I don’t need one at all hah hah [yeah] um and I sort of think I look at other people and I think do I really want to be one of these people that just sort of go on cruises or just spend their days having coffee with people an. I’m not I’m not quite sure what I want actually but I’m not I think it’ll just evolve I’m not too worried about it [mm]

Identity work 2J And er do you have a sense of feeling part of a

generation?

L Um I feel part of a generation of people that I I suppose again it’s uh mainly it’s to do with uh when I’m with people going out on these walks for instance I find that an awful lot of people have got a life that’s nothing nothing like mine at all. They’re talking about their grandchildren and uh [mm] they’re very sort of family orientated. I think I do feel a slight oddity. Um partly because of my impair- my visual impairment and partly because um my life hasn’t taken the course it does for the majority of people my age.

Identity work 3J [...] but is there anything that’s less positive in in the now

than the good things that give you good quality of life anything that you see as more negative as bad

C Um I don’t think so I think with my friends having grandchildren or th- those of my friends who have are having grandchildren who are very tied up with their grandchildren I (.) am aware I am aware that I haven’t but I don’t feel it in the same sense of envy that I used to feel when they used to be tied up with their partners um so I can genuinely feel their pleasure at their grandchildren and I can also think at the same time oh something actually ‘goodness me I don’t know how I’d cope with all these family ties and responsibilities’ so in some ways I’m quite glad that I haven’t (laugh) [mm]

Identity work 4

[...] although no having said that then when a couple of them they just rang up after Christmas and said we fancy coming down to see you I was really pleased you know I said ‘oh fancy them wanting to come and see me-e-e’ you know [yeah] it’s like the aged aunt sort of thing (hn hn hn) and it’s lovely that they do and they don’t seem to think of people like me in the same way that when I was their age like in their 30s I used to think about [mm] my aunts of [mm] my age they don’t that generation gap doesn’t seem as wide now

Conclusion• An identity of childless older woman involves deficit to

the extent of being defined by what one is not• Our cultural context expects some support from children

for those in older age and good support is highly valued and contrasted with where it is lacking

• A possibility of being invisible in the female life cycle may result in some rhetorical work to deal with explanations and assert positive achievements

• Some claim to generativity can position the speaker as successful and there are interesting comparisons to be made with parenting.

Faculty of Health & Social CareThe Open UniversityWalton HallMilton KeynesMK7 6AA

www.open.ac.uk

j.c.reynolds@open.ac.uk