chapter 10 – family life cycle

CHAPTER 10 – CHAPTER 10 – FAMILY LIFE FAMILY LIFE

CYCLECYCLEInstructor: Wendy CrapoInstructor: Wendy Crapo

Used by permission ofTHE ACADEMY OF NURSING2355 E. 3900 S. S.L.C., UT 84124801-506-0064

FAMILY LIFE CYLCEFAMILY LIFE CYLCE

BEGINNING BEGINNING MARRIAGESMARRIAGES

What general age is best? What general age is best? • 20-25 Youthful marriages20-25 Youthful marriages• Up to age 25, the older Up to age 25, the older

you are at marriage the you are at marriage the greater likelihood of greater likelihood of marital happiness.marital happiness.

• Teens have higher divorceTeens have higher divorce• After age 30 higher After age 30 higher

divorcesdivorces

PREDICTION OF SUCCESS: Until death do us part: Not a fact for most

marriages.

Prediction of SuccessPrediction of Success

• Education = income, insight, statusEducation = income, insight, status• Length of engagementLength of engagement• Childhood environment & relationship with Childhood environment & relationship with

family of origin & attachment.family of origin & attachment.• Divorced parents may cause a shying away Divorced parents may cause a shying away

from marriage.from marriage.• Loving each other did not have affect on Loving each other did not have affect on

whether or not they fought.whether or not they fought.• HONEYMOON EFFECT: Overlooking HONEYMOON EFFECT: Overlooking

problemsproblems

PREDICTION OF SUCCESS PREDICTION OF SUCCESS FACTORSFACTORS

• Communicate wellCommunicate well• Resolve conflict in a constructive wayResolve conflict in a constructive way• Realistic expectations of marriageRealistic expectations of marriage• Like each other as people (opposites Like each other as people (opposites

attract doesnattract doesn’’t work)t work)• Undesirable traits are magnified in Undesirable traits are magnified in

marriagemarriage• Agree on religion & ethical issuesAgree on religion & ethical issues• Balance leisure activities with each Balance leisure activities with each

otherother

ENGAGEMENT (More of a ENGAGEMENT (More of a ritual than a binding ritual than a binding

commitment)commitment)How long should engagement be? How long should engagement be? • The longer you are engaged the more likely The longer you are engaged the more likely

you are to discover compatibilities.you are to discover compatibilities.• But it can go too long too.But it can go too long too.• 24% are pregnant when marry.24% are pregnant when marry.

Purpose of engagementPurpose of engagement• Commitment to marry (try out how it feels).Commitment to marry (try out how it feels).• Think about realities of married life.Think about realities of married life.• Beginning of kinship (start making ties with Beginning of kinship (start making ties with

in-laws).in-laws).• Become a couple.Become a couple.

Feelings during Feelings during engagementengagement

• AnxietyAnxiety• Maturation & Maturation &

dependencydependency• LossesLosses• Question partner choiceQuestion partner choice• Gender role conflictGender role conflict• Idealization & Idealization &

disillusionmentdisillusionment• Get to know self Get to know self

(weaknesses & (weaknesses & strengths)strengths)

WEDDING RITUAL (65% church WEDDING RITUAL (65% church weddings)weddings)

• Symbolized profound life transition & step Symbolized profound life transition & step into adulthoodinto adulthood

• Give the bride away (when father received Give the bride away (when father received pledge of money he gave bride away)pledge of money he gave bride away)

• Exchange of rings (From Egypt = Exchange of rings (From Egypt = timelessness & to give it back is symbolic timelessness & to give it back is symbolic gesture)gesture)

• Not wearing a ring is symbolic statement Not wearing a ring is symbolic statement about the marriageabout the marriage

• Carrying bride over threshold (Greece & Carrying bride over threshold (Greece & Rome symbolic of abduction because bride Rome symbolic of abduction because bride would not willingly leave her fatherwould not willingly leave her father’’s house)s house)

• Eating of cake (offering made to household Eating of cake (offering made to household ofofGodGod’’s & made union sacred)s & made union sacred)

• Jumping the broomstick (African tradition)Jumping the broomstick (African tradition)• Honeymoon (Pagan time of intoxication Honeymoon (Pagan time of intoxication

to insure fertility)to insure fertility)• Flower girls (carried wheat to symbolize Flower girls (carried wheat to symbolize

fertility)fertility)

In groups brainstorm all expenses In groups brainstorm all expenses for a wedding and estimate the cost. for a wedding and estimate the cost.

HONEYMOOHONEYMOONN

HONEYMOON PURPOSESHONEYMOON PURPOSES• Rest and RecreationRest and Recreation• Time for being aloneTime for being alone• Initial adjustment to marriageInitial adjustment to marriage

GUIDELINES WHEN PLANNING GUIDELINES WHEN PLANNING A HONEYMOONA HONEYMOON• DonDon’’t go into debtt go into debt• May delay to a better timeMay delay to a better time• Honeymoon not necessary for a happy marriageHoneymoon not necessary for a happy marriage

NATIONAL SURVEYS SHOW: NATIONAL SURVEYS SHOW: • 50% of couples interviewed report their honeymoon was 50% of couples interviewed report their honeymoon was

not happy at all.not happy at all.• People most unhappy with honeymoons are young People most unhappy with honeymoons are young

women who have always lived at home.women who have always lived at home.

ENDURING MARRIAGESENDURING MARRIAGES

• Couples who are happily in love.Couples who are happily in love.• Unhappy couples who continue marriage out Unhappy couples who continue marriage out

of habit and fear.of habit and fear.• Couples in between who are neither happy Couples in between who are neither happy

nor unhappy and accept the situation.nor unhappy and accept the situation.• 20% were happy and 20% were unhappy.20% were happy and 20% were unhappy.• Little correlation between happy marriages Little correlation between happy marriages

and stable ones.and stable ones.• In general, however, the quality of the In general, however, the quality of the

marital relationship appears to show marital relationship appears to show continuity over the years.continuity over the years.

HAPPILY MARRIED – HAPPILY MARRIED – WhatWhat’’s the Secret?s the Secret?

• When they met they felt immediately When they met they felt immediately at homeat home with each other.with each other. Early on there is a strong physical Early on there is a strong physical and/or emotional attraction – they feel a sweeping and/or emotional attraction – they feel a sweeping sense of connection.sense of connection.

• Happy couples often experience themselves as Happy couples often experience themselves as being the being the samesame and and differentdifferent. . Similar Similar backgrounds but each wants to embrace the otherbackgrounds but each wants to embrace the other ’’s s differentness; each wanted to be more like the other.differentness; each wanted to be more like the other.

• Happy couples establish and follow daily Happy couples establish and follow daily routinesroutines. . This promotes confidence and trust.This promotes confidence and trust.

• Happy couples usually describe their mate as Happy couples usually describe their mate as their their best friendbest friend. . They like each other very much, They like each other very much, above all others. They spent a lot of time together.above all others. They spent a lot of time together.

• Happy couples share a life Happy couples share a life dreamdream. . They work They work together to make the dream come true.together to make the dream come true.

HAPPILY MARRIED cont.HAPPILY MARRIED cont.

• Happy couples donHappy couples don’’t hold a t hold a grudgegrudge. . High High capacity to resolve conflict and move on.capacity to resolve conflict and move on.

• Happy couples expect each other to do Happy couples expect each other to do their their bestbest. . They believe in their partner.They believe in their partner.

• Happy couples Happy couples rollroll with the changes. with the changes. People do change and good marriages change People do change and good marriages change for their partner and for the better.for their partner and for the better.

• Happy couples agree to have or not to have Happy couples agree to have or not to have childrenchildren. . They usually share a dream of They usually share a dream of creating a family.creating a family.

• Happy couples understand the importance Happy couples understand the importance of of sexsex & & romance romance. . Friendship was more Friendship was more important than sex but sex was the strong force important than sex but sex was the strong force binding them together through the years.binding them together through the years.

HAPPILY MARRIED cont.HAPPILY MARRIED cont.• Happy couples see each otherHappy couples see each other’’s s bestbest self. self. They see They see

each other clearly as they are but also what they can each other clearly as they are but also what they can become.become.

• Happy couples strongly believe in and practice Happy couples strongly believe in and practice monogamymonogamy. . Fidelity was simply expected and an open Fidelity was simply expected and an open marriage was not appealing to happily married couples.marriage was not appealing to happily married couples.

• Happily married couples share a complete absence Happily married couples share a complete absence of of powerpower struggle. struggle. Considered each other to be equal Considered each other to be equal and their money, especially, was always and their money, especially, was always ““theirstheirs””, not , not ‘‘minemine””..

• Happy couples Happy couples supportsupport each other in all areas. each other in all areas. Always support each otherAlways support each other’’s dreams, even when they s dreams, even when they dondon’’t agree or understand.t agree or understand.

• Happy couples feel a great deal of Happy couples feel a great deal of faithfaith in each in each other even when one thinks the other is wrong. other even when one thinks the other is wrong. May May not think they are making the right choice but they give not think they are making the right choice but they give their support.their support.

ESCENTIAL ESCENTIAL CHARACTERISTICS:CHARACTERISTICS:

• Marriage is #1, even over the kidsMarriage is #1, even over the kids• FidelityFidelity• CommitmentCommitment• UnselfishnessUnselfishness• TimeTime spent together spent together• Talk & listenTalk & listen• TouchingTouching• Be Be positivepositive about mate & about mate &

marriagemarriage

STAGE 1 - INITIAL STAGE 1 - INITIAL ADJUSTMENT TO MARRIAGEADJUSTMENT TO MARRIAGE

• Before marriage, you are afraid of losing each Before marriage, you are afraid of losing each other. other.

• After marriage, you are afraid of losing yourself.After marriage, you are afraid of losing yourself.

Identity bargaining: The process of role adjustments in a Identity bargaining: The process of role adjustments in a relationshiprelationship

– Identify with a roleIdentify with a role– Having the role validated by othersHaving the role validated by others– Negotiating with the partner to make changes in the Negotiating with the partner to make changes in the

rolerole

Establishing Boundaries: Adjusting the ties with family of Establishing Boundaries: Adjusting the ties with family of originorigin

Stage 1 continued Stage 1 continued MARITAL ADJUSTMENTSMARITAL ADJUSTMENTS

• Family rolesFamily roles• Emotional support to partnerEmotional support to partner• Adjust personal habitsAdjust personal habits• Negotiate gender rolesNegotiate gender roles• Establish family & employment prioritiesEstablish family & employment priorities• Develop communication skillsDevelop communication skills• Manage moneyManage money• Establish kin relationship (cohabitating Establish kin relationship (cohabitating

partners usually never accepted as kin)partners usually never accepted as kin)• Participate in larger community Participate in larger community

Stage 1 continuedStage 1 continuedIDENTITY BARGAINING: IDENTITY BARGAINING:

Role adjustment in a relationship. Role adjustment in a relationship. • Identify & negotiate.Identify & negotiate.• Relationships help us discover Relationships help us discover

ourselves. ourselves. • An intimate relationship requires us An intimate relationship requires us

to define who we are.to define who we are.

Stage 1 continuedStage 1 continuedIN-LAWSIN-LAWS

• Daughters who are close sometimes Daughters who are close sometimes have a problem letting go. have a problem letting go.

• But birth of child helps improve and But birth of child helps improve and change this relationship.change this relationship.

• Need to establish new boundaries Need to establish new boundaries with in-laws with in-laws

STAGE 2 - CHILDBEARING STAGE 2 - CHILDBEARING FAMILYFAMILY

(From the birth of the first child until that child is 2 ½ years old)

Developmental Tasks: • Adjusting to increased family size• Caring for an infant• Providing a positive developmental

environment

STAGE 3 - FAMILIES STAGE 3 - FAMILIES WITH PRESCHOOLERSWITH PRESCHOOLERS

(When the oldest child (When the oldest child is between the ages is between the ages of 2 ½ and 6)of 2 ½ and 6)

Developmental Tasks:Developmental Tasks:• Satisfying the needs Satisfying the needs

and interests of and interests of preschool childrenpreschool children

• Coping with demands Coping with demands on energy and on energy and attention with less attention with less privacy at homeprivacy at home

STAGE 4 - FAMILIES STAGE 4 - FAMILIES WITH SCHOOL AGE WITH SCHOOL AGE

CHILDRENCHILDREN(When the oldest child is between the (When the oldest child is between the

ages of 6 to 13)ages of 6 to 13)

Developmental Tasks:Developmental Tasks:• Promoting educational achievementPromoting educational achievement• Fitting in the community of families Fitting in the community of families

with school-age childrenwith school-age children

STAGE 5 - FAMILIES STAGE 5 - FAMILIES WITH TEENAGERSWITH TEENAGERS

(When the oldest child is between (When the oldest child is between the ages of 13 and 20)the ages of 13 and 20)

Developmental Tasks:Developmental Tasks:• Allowing and helping children to Allowing and helping children to

become more independentbecome more independent• Coping with their independenceCoping with their independence• Developing new interests Developing new interests

beyond child carebeyond child care

STAGE 6 – STAGE 6 – MIDDLE AGE MARRIAGES MIDDLE AGE MARRIAGES

(LAUNCHING CENTER)(LAUNCHING CENTER)• May divorce at this time May divorce at this time

without children without children present (empty nest present (empty nest which is not always which is not always negative).negative).

• Boomerang generation: Boomerang generation: Children return home Children return home due to high due to high unemployment, housing unemployment, housing cost, low wages, divorce cost, low wages, divorce and personal problems.and personal problems.

STAGE 7 - LATER LIFE STAGE 7 - LATER LIFE MARRIAGES (EMPTY MARRIAGES (EMPTY

NEST)NEST)(More satisfying)(More satisfying)• Higher incomeHigher income• Although widows often have Although widows often have

financial hardshipsfinancial hardships• But happily married widows But happily married widows

choose to remarry more oftenchoose to remarry more often• Old age not poverty stricken or Old age not poverty stricken or

neglectedneglected

Sandwich generation: Must raise Sandwich generation: Must raise dependent children & dependent dependent children & dependent parents.parents.

Intermittent extended family: Take Intermittent extended family: Take in other relatives in time of need.in other relatives in time of need.

Does parenting end when children are grown & gone? Does parenting end when children are grown & gone?

GRANDPARENTINGGRANDPARENTING

• Grandparents = Grandparents = distance is biggest distance is biggest factor in factor in involvementinvolvement

• 25% of preschool 25% of preschool children cared for children cared for by grandparentsby grandparents

• Companionate Companionate relationships most relationships most common with common with grandchildrengrandchildren

INDIVIDUAL TASKINDIVIDUAL TASK• Stage 1 (18-21 yrs) Developing autonomyStage 1 (18-21 yrs) Developing autonomy• Stage 2 (22-28 yrs) Developing intimacy & Stage 2 (22-28 yrs) Developing intimacy &

occupational identificationoccupational identification• Stage 3 (29-31 yrs) Deciding about commitment to Stage 3 (29-31 yrs) Deciding about commitment to

work & marriagework & marriage• Stage 4 (32-39 yrs) Deepening commitments; Stage 4 (32-39 yrs) Deepening commitments;

pursuing more long-range goalspursuing more long-range goals• Stage 5 (40-42 yrs) Searching for Stage 5 (40-42 yrs) Searching for ““fitfit”” between between

aspirations and environmentaspirations and environment• Stage 6 (43-59 yrs) Re-stabilizing and reordering Stage 6 (43-59 yrs) Re-stabilizing and reordering

prioritiespriorities• State 7 (60+ yrs) Dealing effectively with aging, State 7 (60+ yrs) Dealing effectively with aging,

illness and death wile retaining zest for lifeillness and death wile retaining zest for life

MARITAL TASKMARITAL TASK• Stage 1 (18-21 yrs) Shift from family of origin to new Stage 1 (18-21 yrs) Shift from family of origin to new

commitmentcommitment• Stage 2 (22-28 yrs) Provisional marital commitmentStage 2 (22-28 yrs) Provisional marital commitment• Stage 3 (29-31 yrs) Commitment crisis; restlessnessStage 3 (29-31 yrs) Commitment crisis; restlessness• Stage 4 (32-39 yrs) Productivity; children, work, Stage 4 (32-39 yrs) Productivity; children, work,

friends, & marriagefriends, & marriage• Stage 5 (40-42 yrs) Summing up; success & failure Stage 5 (40-42 yrs) Summing up; success & failure

and future goals soughtand future goals sought• Stage 6 (43-59 yrs) Resolving conflicts and Stage 6 (43-59 yrs) Resolving conflicts and

stabilizing the marriage for the long haulstabilizing the marriage for the long haul• State 7 (60+ yrs) Supporting & enhancing each State 7 (60+ yrs) Supporting & enhancing each

otherother’’s struggle for productivity and fulfillment in s struggle for productivity and fulfillment in face of agingface of aging

INTIMACYINTIMACY• Stage 1 (18-21 yrs) Fragile intimacyStage 1 (18-21 yrs) Fragile intimacy• Stage 2 (22-28 yrs) Deepening but ambivalent Stage 2 (22-28 yrs) Deepening but ambivalent

intimacyintimacy• Stage 3 (29-31 yrs) Increasing distance while Stage 3 (29-31 yrs) Increasing distance while

partners make up their minds about each otherpartners make up their minds about each other• Stage 4 (32-39 yrs) Increase in intimacy in Stage 4 (32-39 yrs) Increase in intimacy in ““goodgood””

marriages; gradual distancing in marriages; gradual distancing in ““badbad”” marriages marriages• Stage 5 (40-42 yrs) Tenuous intimacy as fantasies Stage 5 (40-42 yrs) Tenuous intimacy as fantasies

about other increaseabout other increase• Stage 6 (43-59 yrs) Intimacy is threatened by aging Stage 6 (43-59 yrs) Intimacy is threatened by aging

and boredom. Departure of children may increase or and boredom. Departure of children may increase or decrease intimacy.decrease intimacy.

• State 7 (60+ yrs) Struggle to maintain intimacy in State 7 (60+ yrs) Struggle to maintain intimacy in face or eventual separation, usually plateausface or eventual separation, usually plateaus

POWERPOWER• Stage 1 (18-21 yrs) Testing of powerStage 1 (18-21 yrs) Testing of power• Stage 2 (22-28 yrs) Establish pattern of conflict Stage 2 (22-28 yrs) Establish pattern of conflict

resolutionresolution• Stage 3 (29-31 yrs) Sharp vying for power and Stage 3 (29-31 yrs) Sharp vying for power and

dominancedominance• Stage 4 (32-39 yrs) Establish patterns of decision Stage 4 (32-39 yrs) Establish patterns of decision

making and dominancemaking and dominance• Stage 5 (40-42 yrs) Power in outside world is Stage 5 (40-42 yrs) Power in outside world is

tested via power in the marriagetested via power in the marriage• Stage 6 (43-59 yrs) Conflicts often increase when Stage 6 (43-59 yrs) Conflicts often increase when

children leave and security appears threatenedchildren leave and security appears threatened• State 7 (60+ yrs) Survival fears stir up needs for State 7 (60+ yrs) Survival fears stir up needs for

control and dominancecontrol and dominance

MARITAL BOUNDARIESMARITAL BOUNDARIES• Stage 1 (18-21 yrs) Conflicts over in-lawsStage 1 (18-21 yrs) Conflicts over in-laws• Stage 2 (22-28 yrs) Friends and potential lovers; Stage 2 (22-28 yrs) Friends and potential lovers;

work versus familywork versus family• Stage 3 (29-31 yrs) Temporary disruptions including Stage 3 (29-31 yrs) Temporary disruptions including

extramarital sex or reactive extramarital sex or reactive ‘‘fortress buildingfortress building””• Stage 4 (32-39 yrs) Nuclear family closes boundariesStage 4 (32-39 yrs) Nuclear family closes boundaries• Stage 5 (40-42 yrs) Disruption due to reevaluation; Stage 5 (40-42 yrs) Disruption due to reevaluation;

drive versus re-stabilizationdrive versus re-stabilization• Stage 6 (43-59 yrs) Boundaries are usually fixed Stage 6 (43-59 yrs) Boundaries are usually fixed

except in crisisexcept in crisis• State 7 (60+ yrs) Loss of family & friends leads to State 7 (60+ yrs) Loss of family & friends leads to

closing in of boundaries, important to maintain ties closing in of boundaries, important to maintain ties with outside worldwith outside world

INDIVIDUAL STAGEINDIVIDUAL STAGE

• Stage 1 (18-21 yrs) Develop rootsStage 1 (18-21 yrs) Develop roots• Stage 2 (22-28 yrs) Provisional Stage 2 (22-28 yrs) Provisional

adulthoodadulthood• Stage 3 (29-31 yrs) Transition at age 30Stage 3 (29-31 yrs) Transition at age 30• Stage 4 (32-39 yrs) Settling downStage 4 (32-39 yrs) Settling down• Stage 5 (40-42 yrs) Midlife transitionStage 5 (40-42 yrs) Midlife transition• Stage 6 (43-59 yrs) Middle adulthoodStage 6 (43-59 yrs) Middle adulthood• State 7 (60+ yrs) Old ageState 7 (60+ yrs) Old age

RETIREMENT RETIREMENT

• Earlier – 75% Earlier – 75% choose to retire choose to retire before age 65 before age 65 (WHY?)(WHY?)

• More egalitarian More egalitarian marriagesmarriages

• Highest degree of Highest degree of marital satisfaction marital satisfaction since early marriagesince early marriage

• Improved healthImproved health

Read Ann Landers Read Ann Landers

””Old folks are worth a fortuneOld folks are worth a fortune””

CARING FOR AGEDCARING FOR AGED

Caregiver ConflictCaregiver Conflict• Earlier unresolved antagonisms and conflicts.Earlier unresolved antagonisms and conflicts.• CaregiverCaregiver’’s inability to accept the relatives inability to accept the relative’’s s

increasing dependence.increasing dependence.• Conflicting loyalties between spouse or children and Conflicting loyalties between spouse or children and

caring for the elderly.caring for the elderly.• Resentment towards the elderly relative for Resentment towards the elderly relative for

disrupting family routines.disrupting family routines.• Resentment of lack of involvement by other family Resentment of lack of involvement by other family

members.members.• Anger if elderly relative tries to manipulate others.Anger if elderly relative tries to manipulate others.• Conflicts over money and inheritance.Conflicts over money and inheritance.

How could an over abundance of support do more harm than good?

Can chronic illness help with family cohesiveness?

COPING STRATEGIESCOPING STRATEGIES

• Plan for legal and financial incapacitiesPlan for legal and financial incapacities• Manage income and expensesManage income and expenses• Arrange for long term careArrange for long term care• Assess capabilities of whole family unitAssess capabilities of whole family unit• Divide responsibilities among whole Divide responsibilities among whole

family unitfamily unit• Determine community backup servicesDetermine community backup services

Most common diseasesMost common diseasesand causes of deathand causes of death

1. Arthritis1. Arthritis2. Hypertension2. Hypertension3. Hearing impairment3. Hearing impairment4. Heart disease4. Heart disease5. Cataracts5. Cataracts6. Deformity orthopedic 6. Deformity orthopedic

impairmentimpairment7. Diabetes7. Diabetes

What are the most common causes of death of people over 75? What are the most common causes of death of people over 75?

1. Heart 1. Heart diseasedisease

2. Cancer2. Cancer3. Stroke3. Stroke4. Lung 4. Lung

diseasedisease

What are the most common chronic diseases of people over 75?What are the most common chronic diseases of people over 75?

CARING FOR FAMILY CARING FOR FAMILY MEMBER WITH CHRONIC MEMBER WITH CHRONIC

ILLNESSSILLNESSS• Strained family relationsStrained family relations• Modifications in family Modifications in family

activities and goalsactivities and goals• Increased tasks and time Increased tasks and time

commitmentscommitments• Increased financial costsIncreased financial costs• Special housing Special housing

requirementsrequirements• Social isolationSocial isolation• Medical concernsMedical concerns• Grieving over disabilities, Grieving over disabilities,

limitations and restricted limitations and restricted life opportunitylife opportunity

COPING STATEGIESCOPING STATEGIES

• Make a place for the illness, and Make a place for the illness, and keep balance in life.keep balance in life.

• Keep communication open.Keep communication open.• Cultivate sources of support.Cultivate sources of support.• Develop good working relationship Develop good working relationship

with healthcare professionals.with healthcare professionals.

Discuss in groups: Should a health care professional be Discuss in groups: Should a health care professional be ““detacheddetached””??Do families interfere with the efforts of practitioners to help patients?Do families interfere with the efforts of practitioners to help patients?Should healthcare professionals address things beyond the physical such as Should healthcare professionals address things beyond the physical such as economical, emotional, psychological and spiritual issues? economical, emotional, psychological and spiritual issues?

DEATHDEATHWHY STUDY ABOUT WHY STUDY ABOUT

DEATH?DEATH?• Our society is unusual, we shut death in a Our society is unusual, we shut death in a

closetcloset• Death is a natural part of lifeDeath is a natural part of life• Death is often emotional and unpleasantDeath is often emotional and unpleasant• Death must be facedDeath must be faced• Part of our societyPart of our society• We used to be more open about deathWe used to be more open about death• People used to die at home more oftenPeople used to die at home more often• Funerals and viewings were at homeFunerals and viewings were at home• Friends and family were there at moment of Friends and family were there at moment of

deathdeath• Illnesses were shortIllnesses were short

DEATHDEATH• DENIAL: remove dead from home, not telling children.DENIAL: remove dead from home, not telling children.• EXPLOITATION: Desensitized and deny the realities of EXPLOITATION: Desensitized and deny the realities of

deathdeath• ROMANITCIZATION: Those lead to think of death as ROMANITCIZATION: Those lead to think of death as

beautiful can be disillusioned.beautiful can be disillusioned.

Fear: Fear of death keeps us alive.Fear: Fear of death keeps us alive.

Denial healthy, it keeps us from Denial healthy, it keeps us from dwelling on morbidity of death.dwelling on morbidity of death.

Acknowledging that death exists can Acknowledging that death exists can help us prioritize & appreciate.help us prioritize & appreciate.

Do handout Do handout ““Will you live to be 100?Will you live to be 100?””

STAGES OF DEATHSTAGES OF DEATH

A dying person should not A dying person should not be expected to behave in a be expected to behave in a certain manner, only certain manner, only his/her own way.his/her own way.

• DDenial & isolationenial & isolation• AAngernger• BBargainingargaining• DDepressionepression• AAcceptancecceptance

GRIEVING PROCESSGRIEVING PROCESS

• Guilt is common, Guilt is common, 1st year is hard at 1st year is hard at holidays.holidays.

• Consoling: Listen, Consoling: Listen, dondon’’t avoid, give t avoid, give practical support.practical support.

• Needs: Death with Needs: Death with dignity (respect as dignity (respect as human being).human being).

• Hospice can help.Hospice can help.

WHAT NOT TO SAY TO THE WHAT NOT TO SAY TO THE BEREAVEDBEREAVED

• Cheer upCheer up• Time to heal all woundsTime to heal all wounds• Come on, you need to Come on, you need to

get over thisget over this• We want the old We want the old ““youyou””

backback• II ’’ll help you get rid of ll help you get rid of

their thingstheir things• TheyThey’’re better offre better off• It was GodIt was God’’s wills will• Call me if you need meCall me if you need me

WHAT TO SAY TO THE WHAT TO SAY TO THE BEREAVEDBEREAVED

• ItIt’’s OK to crys OK to cry• I want you to know II want you to know I’’m thinking about youm thinking about you• II ’’m sad for youm sad for you• I care about youI care about you• II ’’m here if you want to talkm here if you want to talk• ““You donYou don’’t have to be strong or apologize for t have to be strong or apologize for

crying.crying.””

Do accept them and their feelingsDo accept them and their feelingsLet them cry when they want toLet them cry when they want toLet them talk about the dead person (They are in Let them talk about the dead person (They are in

their thoughts often)their thoughts often)

DEFINITIONS OF DEATHDEFINITIONS OF DEATH

• LEGAL DEATH: Court says it has LEGAL DEATH: Court says it has irreversible cessation to total brain irreversible cessation to total brain functionfunction

• THEOLOGICAL DEATH: Occurs when THEOLOGICAL DEATH: Occurs when soul leaves the bodysoul leaves the body

• MEDICAL DEATH: Occurs when MEDICAL DEATH: Occurs when functions of human life stopfunctions of human life stop

• UNRECEPTIVITY & UNRECEPTIVITY & UNRESPONSIVITY: Irreversible comaUNRESPONSIVITY: Irreversible coma

DEFINITIONS OF DEATHDEFINITIONS OF DEATHcontinuedcontinued

• NO MOVEMENTS OR BREATHING: NO MOVEMENTS OR BREATHING: No muscle movement or respiration No muscle movement or respiration for at least 1 hourfor at least 1 hour

• NO REFLEXES: Pupils fixed and NO REFLEXES: Pupils fixed and dilated – will not respond to bright dilated – will not respond to bright lightslights

• FLAT ELECTROENCE PHALGRAM: FLAT ELECTROENCE PHALGRAM: EEG – no brain waves for a period of EEG – no brain waves for a period of timetime

DEATH VOCABULARYDEATH VOCABULARY

• AUTOPSY: Post mortem examAUTOPSY: Post mortem exam• BEREAVEMENT: Being grieved by the BEREAVEMENT: Being grieved by the

loss of a loved one.loss of a loved one.• CASKET: Small chest or box (coffin)CASKET: Small chest or box (coffin)• COFFIN: A box or chest for burying a COFFIN: A box or chest for burying a

corpsecorpse• CREMATION: To reduce a dead body to CREMATION: To reduce a dead body to

ashes by burningashes by burning• CREMATORIUM: A furnace for cremationCREMATORIUM: A furnace for cremation

DEATH VOCABULARYDEATH VOCABULARYcontinuedcontinued

• CRYPT: A chamber or vault wholly or CRYPT: A chamber or vault wholly or partly underground, a vault under the main partly underground, a vault under the main floor of a churchfloor of a church

• DEATH CERTIFICATE: A certificate that DEATH CERTIFICATE: A certificate that certifies the death of a personcertifies the death of a person

• DECEASED: No longer livingDECEASED: No longer living• EMBALM: To treat a dead body so as to EMBALM: To treat a dead body so as to

protect from decayprotect from decay• EPITAPH: An inscription on or at a tomb EPITAPH: An inscription on or at a tomb

or grave in memory of the one buried thereor grave in memory of the one buried there


• EULOGY: A commendatory formal statement or set EULOGY: A commendatory formal statement or set orationoration

• EUTHANASIA: The act or practice of killing EUTHANASIA: The act or practice of killing individuals that are hopelessly sick or injured for individuals that are hopelessly sick or injured for reasons of mercy.reasons of mercy.

• FUNERAL HOME: An establishment with facilities for FUNERAL HOME: An establishment with facilities for the preparation of the dead for burial or cremation, the preparation of the dead for burial or cremation, for the viewing of the body and for funerals.for the viewing of the body and for funerals.

• HEARSE: A vehicle for conveying the dead to the HEARSE: A vehicle for conveying the dead to the gravegrave

• INHERITANCE: The act of coming into possession of INHERITANCE: The act of coming into possession of somethingsomething

• INTERMENT: The act or ceremony of depositing the INTERMENT: The act or ceremony of depositing the dead body in the earth or the tomb.dead body in the earth or the tomb.


• MAUSOLEUM: Large tomb usually a MAUSOLEUM: Large tomb usually a stone building for places of stone building for places of entombment for dead above the ground.entombment for dead above the ground.

• MORGUE: A place where the bodies of MORGUE: A place where the bodies of persons found dead are kept until persons found dead are kept until identified and claimed by relatives or identified and claimed by relatives or are released for burial.are released for burial.

• MORTICIAN: UndertakerMORTICIAN: Undertaker• MORTUARY: Relating to the burial of MORTUARY: Relating to the burial of

the deadthe dead


• OBITUARY: A notice of a persons OBITUARY: A notice of a persons death with a short biographical death with a short biographical accountaccount

• PALLBEARERS: People who help to PALLBEARERS: People who help to carry the coffin at a funeralcarry the coffin at a funeral

• PYRE: A combustible heap for burning PYRE: A combustible heap for burning a dead body as a funeral vilea dead body as a funeral vile

• REINCARNATION: Rebirth in new REINCARNATION: Rebirth in new bodies or forms of lifebodies or forms of life

• SARCOPHAGUS: A stone coffinSARCOPHAGUS: A stone coffin


• TOMB: An excavation in which a TOMB: An excavation in which a corpse is buriedcorpse is buried

• URN: A vessel that is particularly an URN: A vessel that is particularly an ornamental vase on a pedestal to ornamental vase on a pedestal to preserve the ashes after cremationpreserve the ashes after cremation

• VAULT: A burial chamberVAULT: A burial chamber• WAKE: The watch held over the body WAKE: The watch held over the body

of a dread person prior to burial and of a dread person prior to burial and sometimes accompanied by festivitysometimes accompanied by festivity

CULTURESCULTURES

• Jewish: 7 days of Jewish: 7 days of restrictions like restrictions like shaving, working, shaving, working, sex, 11 months pray sex, 11 months pray for parent dailyfor parent daily

• Mexico: Dead Mexico: Dead honored with gifts honored with gifts of food, prayer, of food, prayer, nightly vigilsnightly vigils

VOCABULARYVOCABULARY

• 1. Bereavement: The response to a loved ones 1. Bereavement: The response to a loved ones death, including customs, and the grieving death, including customs, and the grieving process.process.

• 2. Boomerang Generation: Adults who return to 2. Boomerang Generation: Adults who return to family home and live with parents.family home and live with parents.

• 3. Caregiver role: The one who provides the most 3. Caregiver role: The one who provides the most physical care and decision making.physical care and decision making.

• 4. Duration of Marriage Effect: Accumulation 4. Duration of Marriage Effect: Accumulation over time of negative factors that affect marital over time of negative factors that affect marital satisfaction.satisfaction.

• 5. Empty Nest: When last grown child has left 5. Empty Nest: When last grown child has left home, usually not associated with motherhome, usually not associated with mother’’s s depression.depression.

VOCABULARY contVOCABULARY cont’’dd

• 6. Family Life Cycle: The families changing roles 6. Family Life Cycle: The families changing roles and relationships at various stages, beginning and relationships at various stages, beginning with marriage and ending with death of a spouse.with marriage and ending with death of a spouse.

• 7. Honeymoon Effect: Tendency of newly 7. Honeymoon Effect: Tendency of newly married couples to overlook problems.married couples to overlook problems.

• 8. Hospice: A place or program caring for 8. Hospice: A place or program caring for terminally ill, emphasizing patient care and terminally ill, emphasizing patient care and family support.family support.

• 9. Identity Bargaining: The process of roles 9. Identity Bargaining: The process of roles adjustments in a relationship, involving adjustments in a relationship, involving identifying with a role, role validated by others, identifying with a role, role validated by others, negotiated with partnernegotiated with partner

VOCABULARY contVOCABULARY cont’’dd

• 10. Intermittent Extended Family: 10. Intermittent Extended Family: Taking into the family other relatives Taking into the family other relatives in times of needin times of need

• 11. Sandwich Generation: 11. Sandwich Generation: Individuals who care for both their Individuals who care for both their own children and aging parents at own children and aging parents at the same time.the same time.

chapter 10 – family life cycle

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