CH 11: Interpersonal Conflict and Conflict Management (slide 1)

Chapter 11: Interpersonal Conflict and Conflict

Management

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CH 11: Interpersonal Conflict and Conflict Management (slide 2)

Preliminaries toInterpersonal Conflict

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1. Definition of interpersonal conflict Occurs when people are interdependent Mutually aware of incompatible goals See each other as interfering with achieving

goals

CH 11: Interpersonal Conflict and Conflict Management (slide 3)

Preliminaries toInterpersonal Conflict (cont.)

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2. Myths about interpersonal conflict Conflict is best avoided Conflict is a sign of a troubled relationship Conflict damages a relationship Conflict is destructive because it reveals our bad

sides In conflict, there has to be a winner and a loser

CH 11: Interpersonal Conflict and Conflict Management (slide 4)

Preliminaries toInterpersonal Conflict (cont.)

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3. Top interpersonal conflict issues for couples: Intimacy (physical and emotional) Power issues Personal flaws Personal distance/space Social Distrust

CH 11: Interpersonal Conflict and Conflict Management (slide 5)

Principles of Interpersonal Conflict

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1. Conflict is inevitable2. Conflict can have negative and positive

effects Negative effects

Leads to bad feelings You close yourself off Increases costs

CH 11: Interpersonal Conflict and Conflict Management (slide 6)

Principles of Interpersonal Conflict (cont.)

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2. Negative and positive effects (cont.) Positive effects

Resolves problems Improves relationships Demonstrates commitment to relationship

3. Conflict can focus on content and/or relationship issues Relationship conflicts – equity and power Relationship conflicts hide as content conflicts

CH 11: Interpersonal Conflict and Conflict Management (slide 7)

Conflict Management Stages

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1. Unproductive strategies:1. Blaming (“It’s your fault– you’re so lazy!”)

2. Gunnysacking (storing up past offenses to unload later; ex. “All the times you arrived late to dinner.”)

3. Hitting below the belt (ex. Mentioning the inability to have children, b/c you know it will cause an emotional reaction)

4. Silencers (crying; feigning extreme emotionalism; screaming & pretending to lose control.)

CH 11: Interpersonal Conflict and Conflict Management (slide 8)

Conflict Management Stages (cont.)

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2. Define the conflict Define both content and relationship issues Define the problem in specific terms Focus on the present; avoid gunnysacking Empathize Avoid mind reading

3. Examine possible solutions

CH 11: Interpersonal Conflict and Conflict Management (slide 9)

Conflict Management Stages (cont.)

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4. Test the solution5. Evaluate the solution

Fact hat (focuses on facts and figures)

Feeling hat ( How do you feel when…?)

Negative argument hat (devil’s advocate)

Positive benefit hat (what are the upsides?)

Creative new idea hat (what other possible solutions?)

Control of thinking hat (have we solved the problem?)

CH 11: Interpersonal Conflict and Conflict Management (slide 10)

Conflict Management Stages (cont.)

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6. Accept or reject the solution7. Wrap it up

Learn from the process Don’t let the conflict overtake your relationship Increase cherishing behaviors

CH 11: Interpersonal Conflict and Conflict Management (slide 11)

Conflict Management Strategies (cont.)

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6. Verbal aggressiveness and argumentativeness strategies Aggressiveness

Unproductive Trying to win at the other’s expense disconfirming

Argumentativeness Should be cultivated Argue your point of view

CH 11: Interpersonal Conflict and Conflict Management (slide 12)

Conflict Management Strategies (cont.)

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6. Argumentativeness strategies (cont.) Cultivating argumentativeness

Be objective Avoid attacking the other person Reaffirm the other’s competence Avoid interrupting Stress equality Express interest in the other’s viewpoint Avoid being overly emotional Allow the other to save face